Catholic Unintentional ASMR Part 4 👼 The WEIRDEST Products (Compilation)

Source: EWTN
• EWTN RELIGIOUS CATALOG... & more
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[@SparkyNarwhal]

Jesus hanging on an American flag crucifix seems like something out of South Park.

[@Feadzy]

✨️ Imported from Italy ✨️

[@ladypalerider]

@@Feadzyplease I'm crying 😂

[@ericochoa4271]

540 bucks for a crucifix? It better be able to turn water into wine for that price.

[@katvtay]

😂

[@dec13666]

It does... *Provided you're a man of faith* 😳

[@wonderboy76]

I love the Sorrowful Mother triptych that's like a big Catholic Polly Pocket 😅

[@Millennial_Mike]

😆

[@wandervoltz]

OMG YES! It's a holy Polly Pocket! Does it come with different colored shawls? 😂😂😂

[@fieldsofmercury1291]

Also like Mighty Max! 🤘

[@Texasgrrl77]

@@Millennial_Mike😂😂😂

[@morbidharlot]

11:51

[@BullofCrete]

I sometimes forget just how much Catholicism really revels in the physical suffering that Jesus went under. You don't typically get that in Protestantism, it's mostly the fact that he died on the cross.

[@katvtay]

It’s not them reveling.

[@FourEyedFrenchman]

We don't so much revel in Christ's suffering as we try and do our best to remember and appreciate His suffering and sacrifice. The Cross is "a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles." It represents the strange and mysterious way God works in the world. God took crucifixion, the most humiliating and agonizing form of execution ever devised, and turned it into the means of humanity's redemption and a symbol of salvation. "He who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."

[@MBlto]

yeah it's literally cult propaganda, it's insane how we are taught to worship the object that killed Jesus and all the violent imagery ever since we are little. but then watch christians throw a fit at videogames or anything remotely "violent". a bunch of brainwashed hypocrites honestly

[@kaorii10]

@@MBltowho taught you to worship the cross? Christians don’t worship objects; they worship God. The cross is a symbol of worship, it is a reminder of Jesus’s love and sacrifice. It is not worshipped. You don’t know as much as you think, and your stupidity renders your little rant invalid.

[@ItsDSP]

Catholicism and suffering go hand in hand.

[@dogski2822]

“People pay thousands and thousands of dollars to make something look ugly.” - Mother Angelica

[@FourEyedFrenchman]

As a Catholic, this stuff weirds even me out. I've got all the basic stuff: icons, a couple crucifixes, rosaries, a Bible, a catechism, etc. Never in a million years would I get something like a Jesus bust, a $540 crucifix, or a combo statuette-triptych. And the militaristic/patriotic stuff is really out there, considering America's legacy of anti-Catholicism. EWTN is considered very vanilla and entry-level in Catholic circles, but their religious catalogue is loaded with some truly niche and bizarre stuff, not to mention pricey and tacky looking in some cases. Very 70s and 80s American Catholicism. In other words: beige, aesthetic tragedy.

[@Pozorrogo]

Im going to take a stab in the dark and say that probably the people who actually buy this stuff are well-meaning people who like to make donations, but kind of want a little something to show for it. Thats the only way to justify the prices where it would kinda make sense

[@matthewm5581]

I'm a veteran and a Catholic. Not really "out there" when there are a lot of us.

[@loosilu]

The patriotic stuff is straight up blasphemhy. It's sickening.

[@loosilu]

@@Pozorrogo They are the same people who think plastering a flag all over their truck makes them better patriots. The symbol is more important than the required actions.

[@matthewm5581]

@@loosilu Patriotism is not blasphemy. Dumb and wrong.

[@alicewildermoth5448]

I love how your commentary is always so mild and polite for items that are so absolutely unhinged

[@bethanylalala]

first 5 seconds: selling the blood sweat and tears of jesus. can’t wait to sleep like a baby to this content.

[@madisonmackey9780]

“And Jesus seems to be looking at Francis, like, ‘What are you doing? I’m dying here’” Should have been used in the official description.

[@dec13666]

I was dead by then 😂😂😂

[@alicewildermoth5448]

"Sucking the blood out of him" sent me

[@TheLondonLass]

It’s like religious TJ Maxx! My dad’s family is Catholic and they wouldn’t want any of this!

[@osiris676]

Same goes with my mom. I litteraly don't know who buys that crap 😅

[@katvtay]

@@osiris676Me neither! Not even my aunt, although she has far too many relics.

[@drsethfinkle]

Behold, this 5" fiberglass statue of St. Manicotti, Patron Saint of matte toenail polish, Bengal tigers, and small blue plastic Lego people.

[@gilliebees]

THE LIFESIZE FIBERGLASS BABY JESUS!!!!!! I expected all the gory crucification merch but somehow that caught me off guard 😂

[@wandervoltz]

And why is his hairline receding 😂😂😂😂

[@RamsesYall]

During Christmas my family has multiples of these in different sizes and everyone crawls on their knees up to them and kisses them while singing hymns

[@Kyon871]

imagine walking into your boss’s office for a performance review and the agony crucifix is behind his desk… 😅

[@pepsi863]

The beef between findcalm and Emily finna end up on worldstar at some point if it goes on 💀💀💀

[@Kyon871]

forget meg and nicki… this is the real beef i want to see

[@HazyPinkSky]

@@Kyon871mte especially since Meg won so easily, these two would actually go toe to toe and I wanna see who comes out victorious

[@xBwahx]

Can someone explain? I keep falling asleep. WHO IS EMILY? lol

[@Silverity]

@@xBwahx LOL Emily is the woman presenting the items.

[@xBwahx]

@@Silverity And what would be the beef? Lol

[@deathdaryl]

Ah yes. Commercialism. Just as god intended.

[@allymurphy2515]

I love listening to you describe the item first because no matter what you say I'm never prepared for what it actually looks like

[@Mousey10101]

0:33 Just those two clips, just audio and no context is funny to me! "Got some interesting things to show you today. BEGONE SATAN!"

[@StargazerLily82]

I love your voice. So relaxing.

[@xstarsystemsx]

Jesus about to flip some tables. 😂

[@gloriagarcia8984]

I'm Spanish and I've see lots of catholic things throughout my life. Out churches are full of objects like the ones in thid video, but they're obviously originals (wooden statues that are centuries old, ancient paintings, relics...). It's really strange to see cheap copies like these 😅 I'm not catholic myself but my family is so there are crucifixes, images of mary, little statues of saints/Mary, etc. in my house and the houses of my relatives. Most are a bit unsettling but I've always loved the fountains of holy water. We have beautiful large size fountains made of stone and also small ones to hang at home or in the garden. The small handmade ones can be stunning, either made of metal or ceramics. They're called "aguabenditeras" or "pilas de agua bendita".

[@LeCrenn]

Hahaha! When she opened the statuette of Mary! Oh god, this is hysterical. Too funny to be ASMR.

[@jctripplesticks]

Something something flipping tables in the temple...

[@PiraticalNonsense]

I was shrieking in shock about 5 seconds in. 😂Thank you for this delightful compilation, it's utterly hilarious! And for the record, I love your voice, it's very soothing. I enjoy the segments with you talking just as much as everything else, if not more!

[@abrahamvanhelsing6723]

We Catholics sure love our collectibles and memorabilia

[@Dolphinboi]

You guys sure love homophobia too

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

​@@Dolphinboi Not really. I think you might be confusing Catholics for American evangelical protestants. Most Catholics don't care if you're gay.

[@Willowtree82]

You mean devotions not memorabilia 😅

[@h.w.4482]

I wouldn't tell someone who weighs 300lbs to go to McDonald's would I

[@BanilyaGorilya]

As a listener of metal myself I’d rock that St Benedict Black Cap no cap unironically since the ironic listeners will think the insignia belongs to some band but it’s the mark of St Benedict.

[@Millennial_Mike]

I'd love to see some of the working conditions in the factories that push out this holy junk.

[@effie3798]

For people who glorify a bleeding dead man stuck to a stick with nails, do you think they really care much about working conditions? 😂

[@freecandyss]

@@effie3798it’s funny how much you hate religion but you’re still watching this video🤣

[@effie3798]

@@freecandyss well, I am a fan of the true crime and comedy. This video has both. Super entertaining.

[@freecandyss]

@@effie3798 girl- again you sound goofy😭 but may God forgive you ig

[@justicejericho97]

@@freecandyss God doesn't exist

[@wdgbirmingham2]

EWTN is located here in a wooded suburb of Birmingham called Irondale. I used to look to see if I could see Mother Angelica in the backyard in her habit when I'd drive by! Never saw her, but many times saw robed monks.

[@ChibiWagner]

oh my godddd the kneeling santa ornament, my super religious aunt got my family that one year for christmas and it became a running joke

[@marcolorenti9637]

At least it wasn't the Veronica's veil plaque.

[@Willowtree82]

The Papal crucifix is the most original as it shows the wood at the top bowed from his weight and there was a small block actually for his feet which is why knees are bent

[@Hoju3942]

How the fuck am I supposed to relax and fall asleep when I'm laughing this hard for an hour straight?

[@Lisaaa321]

I know damn well that plaque is not her favorite 😂

[@ckpaige3956]

The Ecce Homo bust looks like an expression that should be part of a meme, like "When it's 30 minutes from quitting time, and you get told everyone has to work late," or something similar. I have *never* understood the appeal of such lurid and gaudy religious merchandise or the tee shirts that go for the most gory depiction imaginable of Jesus. If I had so much money, I could buy it without any guilt or self-loathing, I'd love to have a room devoted to being a showplace for as many items like this as I could fit into it, just to watch the reaction of new guests.

[@ckpaige3956]

P.S. Didn't that St. John Vianney guy play the role of Kane in Poltergeist II: the Other Side? 🤔

[@pillznillz3242]

Your ASMR cracks me up 😂😂😂. Its was both relaxing and hilarious

[@ryanhelton1865]

These people actually exist in the world and that scares me

[@Synthetic-Rabbit]

There's far worse people and far more extremely violent religious people than this all over the world and in the Middle East.

[@LittleMadameAnything]

now why has giant baby Jesus in the crib already a receding hairline

[@deanmcmurph9234]

As a Christian turned atheist, it boggles my mind that I would have heard/seen things like this 15+ years ago and found it normal 😓

[@Hunterr8]

How dare people have good morals. I'll pray you return to Jesus. God Bless.

[@deanmcmurph9234]

My comment had nothing to do with “good morals”. 🙄 And please don’t pray for me.

[@Hunterr8]

@@deanmcmurph9234 It had everything to do with it. Modern morals are brought by Christianity. Too late. I'll pray for all souls.

[@wiilover07]

​@Hunterr8 It's not about morals. It's creepy cult shit that is acceptable in our society. Gross.

[@kaorii10]

Except this is geared towards the Catholic Church, Christianity has bo use for such religious aids. Dolt.

[@chrismoiser6477]

Man i love all this Catholic stuff. I'm a real cathoholic.

[@abracabadass]

catholicism and consumerism are besties

[@TinkerTailorSailorTy]

It might make a lot more sense when you realize that old people buying these weird religious figurines and other items is not so different from young people buying anime statues of absurd character designs and merchandise that would look insane to people who have never watched anime.

[@zeppelinzeppelini]

as a young person who does buy anime figures, i'd like to argue that nowhere do figures ever come cross to whatever the hell this entire catalogue is

[@h.w.4482]

don't lie, you know people that have whole walls of funky pops

[@AbiSaysThings]

I think a lot of people collect ugly tat. It's still ugly tat.

[@basiliska]

comparing jesus statues to anime figurines is an INSANE take

[@StinkyGreenBud]

Its all garbage and a waste of money and resources.

[@m.d.wiselka4567]

Personally, I think your commentary makes this video even better!

[@fly_you_fools]

The bust looks like nick cage

[@tuoctran43]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@PlebeianGoth]

These videos led me to watch EWTN as an atheist. Let me tell you guys it is, to put it lightly, hog wild. There was a whole sports-talk style show about marriage! These ASMR videos are a much better way of getting the fun stuff, at least for the catalogue portion. Thanks for making these! I think it's a lot of fun!

[@loosilu]

I'd find it hilarious if I weren't so traumatized.

[@meg685]

as a catholic I think most of us can agree that EWTN items can be weird or tacky.. they mostly cater to old people who have time and money to spend 😅

[@loosilu]

As Catholic merch goes, this stuff is very tasteful indeed.

[@childrenandart1]

It is such a full-circle experience to see EWTN featured on an ASMR channel. I used to watch it as a teenager, before the name ASMR existed to describe the experience. The religious catalogue was my favorite and I always tried to catch it. I think I even had taped a few of them on VHS. Mother Angelica was one of a kind.

[@ladylecter636]

Gosh that bust of Jesus' face is incredibly sad. I know it's supposed to depict the suffering he went through but that's got to be an upsetting thing to see in your home everyday

[@katvtay]

Idk why but the way you worded that made me bust out laughing. You all are too funny in the comments for this to hit as asmr. 😂😂😂

[@bringbackthedarkness]

fr like why would i want to see something with fake blood pouring out of it in my home everyday 💀

[@LB-gi7dx]

It's really not

[@matthewm5581]

She does say how the constant reminder helps us in our lives. Catholics often meditate on the life and suffering of Christ, to more closely unite ourselves to him.

[@loosilu]

We Catholics are immune.

[@coggieskaz7115]

This should be listed as a scary video. Seriously, I need watch the Brady Bunch to relax

[@rebeccajones7762]

Ahahaha the Jesus croissant tray 😂

[@olgatrotsenko2153]

Tbh I liked the idea of kneeling St. Nicolas. Just replace Coca-Cola clothes with traditional St. Nicolas garment and I would buy it when I become old and rich.

[@slovenika9108]

haha your comments on these hideous items are exquisite, haha! I laughed!

[@teachitash]

I like the Santa kneeling by the manger ornament 🤷‍♀️

[@wonderboy76]

has EWTN switched to flogging Halloween merch now? 😂

[@LordSkella]

Catholic homegirl is back with more merch!🎉🎉🎉

[@ladypalerider]

Finally we can all relax together during the final agony of Christ

[@emmas7937]

Thank you for compiling these videos. My family is non religious and I’d never be exposed to this kind of thing if it wasn’t for your videos. Always very strange and compelling to me! The more bizarre the better imo

[@federicamessina9050]

Oh not the Virgin Mary with USA flag 😂

[@canadiangirl2839]

I love your honesty and the EWTN series! Making me fall asleep in a fun mood!

[@fly_you_fools]

Why do angels need armor and swords? And why haven’t they updated to Kevlar and rifles? If they’re “pure spiritual beings “ why do they need any trappings of physical protection? Why do they ask to reject a culture of death and then have images of torturing people to death literally in “every room of your house” ??? I do not understand religion at all.

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

Are you seriously that dense? It's a representation of an angel - not what angels literally look like. Just like the way we think Jesus looks with the beard and long hair is simply a representation. No Catholic genuinely believes that Jesus was a white guy who looks exactly like he is depicted on crucifixes... Also, what "culture of death" does Christianity apparently reject? Christians do not deny that people die. And people don't hang crucifixes in their homes because they love the idea of crucifixion as a torture method. How is this something that needs to be explained to you? Were you born yesterday?

[@loosilu]

that's St Michael the Archangel, who is fighting Lucifer. And yes, it is common to have a crucifix in every room of your house. After a lifetime of looking at crucifixes, they just don't register as torture any more.

[@keepchillin4261]

Baby Jesus rocking that Angus Young hairstyle.

[@pascald67]

I laughed out loud @7:20, "what are you doing" :D

[@Wanderlust246]

I would rather listen to YOUR voice. It’s so relaxing, it makes me fall asleep

[@amyfrosty]

The bust thing on the preview is TERRIFYING

[@lottalove8419]

My very Catholic grandparents have one of those in each room in their house. I’m not joking.

[@tunnotron3000]

Why did they give the baby Jesus a Phil Collins hairdo?

[@deathmetalpotato]

cuz jesus he knows me, and he knooows i’m right 🎶 i’ve been talking to jesus, all my life 🎶

[@MOOJL]

I don't know if other viewers have complained, but I love the compilations where you provide commentary, personally!

[@cbrad-eo6nt]

I would buy up that St. Dymphna medal in a second, but some of these are actually weird af

[@joshuaeli2789]

I genuinely find your descriptions and personal opinions of the products hilarious. Unintentional humor at its finest 😂

[@effie3798]

Ooooo you just came up with a new genre! Unintentional humor!

[@labardoodle1]

that wooden bead rosary…having flashbacks to childhood 😅

[@kylesanders8276]

I had a headache tonight and this was nice to close my eyes to

[@Fronko_]

I grew up catholic and can assure you that you can find this creepy imagery everywhere in Southern Italy, visible blood and gore included.

[@dwightarmy]

Thank you for this video. I fell asleep so quickly. My mom and grandmother love these items. I wish they would just save their money.

[@thefadingmoonlight]

Imagine actually putting the fiberglass statue of baby Jesus under the Christmas tree 😂

[@loosilu]

A baby Jesus that size is intended for churches. It's weird to shill it for home use.

[@MsAlexxx99]

Nl entiendo la manía de querer ver a Jesús con sangre y sufriendo es mejor verlo como lo veían sus discípulos un hombre sabio y dedicado siempre tranquilo y bonachón

[@daisychainreaction]

any chance you'd upload a version of this with just the lady? i love your soft spoken voice, though sometimes i just want to rawdog the weird catholic stuff 😂

[@SylveonSimp]

you can go to the original channel and watch her 24/7

[@daisychainreaction]

that's true @@SylveonSimp but i like find calm's taste in clips and the way it's edited to just the catalogue parts, and i like giving him the ad revenue not the church haha

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

​@@daisychainreaction The ad revenue from their videos goes to EWTN - not the Catholic church. EWTN is a private company and is not affiliated with the Catholic church.

[@JSXlllOnline]

Why did I intuitively read "underaged" instead of "unintentional" after reading catholic?

[@willturner99]

I can’t believe the price of some of these products. $540 for a Jesus crucifix???

[@snarferyasmr3739]

Love how white baby jesus is, seeing as how he was from the middle east 😂

[@Willowtree82]

Everyone in the middle east then were white, the entirety of the Roman Empire was. The only reason the ME looks the way it does today is because of invasion from Asia and the Arabian peninsula almost a millenia later. Even Turkey was originally Greece. For an example of how quickly populations can change look at Paris, London and New York streets only 100 years ago compared to today. This is just the facts of migration and invasions from war

[@ultra_violent]

when the guy faces head on he kind of looks likes morrissey from the smiths lol

[@andrewjenkins9965]

Oh boy, something new to relax to! "...His face dripping with sweat and blood..." Oh, okay. Gotta say, actually... weird stuff like this is right up my alley. Not to buy, of course - at least not this kind of stuff - but it's fun to see.

[@amandamartin1905]

What are you doing? I'm dying here....oh man I died.

[@Dirtybeetlebeetle]

love your EWTN compilation videos and your commentary:)

[@loosilu]

I had that wooden rosary when I was little!

[@ri500]

A crucifix in every room is crazy

[@loosilu]

It's quite common. My mother did it.

[@lunisparks9056]

America is so lucky to have this...

[@MartinFinnigan]

I was brought up Catholic, but I'm an atheist in my own belief, and I have never seen anything like this in the UK, I feel this is very capitalistic and very American 😅

[@Willowtree82]

It's actually common throughout the America's including and mostly in Latin America

[@loosilu]

THis is quite standard for HIspanic churches. YOu will also find it among Italians and Irish sometimes.

[@eddieray]

I really love your voice & sarcastic tone. 😂 So relaxing & funny.

[@JakTheLombax]

As a Christian, Catholicism annoys me.

[@ericochoa4271]

As a catholic it annoys me too. You ever been to a catholic sermon?

[@effie3798]

As an atheist, all religious people annoy me.

[@JakTheLombax]

bless your heart@@effie3798

[@JakTheLombax]

I haven't, is it just more selling stuff?@@ericochoa4271

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

As a Catholic, protestants who are too smooth-brained to understand that Catholicism is not a seperate religion, but rather a denomination of Christianity, annoys me as well.

[@FBuilding]

I was browsing for some asmr and now I feel like playing Doom Eternal. Wrong path.

[@DarkMachineNation]

Never been so relaxed and unsettled at the same time. If I'm drifting away and suddenly hear an authoritative "be gone Satan" ...I'm gonna get jumpscared.

[@shizampah]

I think this is my favorite youtube video.

[@HardcoreGamerVG]

🤣🤣🤣 Please!!! I can't stop laughing!!! Ok ok, I know this is meant to be relaxing... but the selection is so brilliant that it captures me sooo much... ok I know I need to concentrate on the relaxing aspects, but jeeez! It's a challenge! 😂😂 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you! Really clever 🥰

[@anonymous_theories]

It is far too late to be busting up. The true testament of faith was keeping quiet while the house slept.

[@jerseygirlASMR]

you can accept Jesus and feel this way all the time. There was a reason you found this! He loves you and I do too, Remember the resurrection is a proven historic documented event that's never been proven wrong. Wish you all the best!

[@Couscouscouscous]

Loooove your commentary lol

[@kicken4ward]

I have the saint Dymphna statue and it’s really pretty idk I like it 🤷‍♀️

[@mattyh6837]

That jesus statue looked good id buy it.

[@BionicPig95]

A USA flag themed crucifix is just bizarre.

[@misslyntheena]

17:44 and 19:25 would make a great base for DnD characters 😂

[@Shizbam]

I shouldnt but I lol'd so many times. Croissants on a big Jesus head

[@gabrielcousineau5020]

I can’t believe people actually buy this stuff 😭😭😭😭😭 I respect the actual hustle of the Catholic Church and companies like so much for the amount of money they fraud people for

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

You think the idea of exchanging money for goods is inherently fraudulent? If people want to buy this stuff, then how that is that fraud? People can choose to spend their money on whatever they want.

[@Nurse-Laura]

This video is awesome. I converted to Catholicism as an adult (and wish I hadn’t, tbh), and the vast amount of really WEIRD stuff Catholic stores have has always been bizarre to me. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels like a lot of this is creepy!

[@richardfoldes7793]

Then convert back girl like 😅

[@SanctusPaulus1962]

Why do you wish you hadn't converted? Why did you convert in the first place if you find Catholic items to be bizarre and creepy?

[@Nurse-Laura]

@@SanctusPaulus1962 because of the shaming that occurs in the church, particularly from other parishioners and in confession. It was a big ick. I loved the traditions and rituals, but turned out that irl it wasn’t for me.

[@Nurse-Laura]

@@richardfoldes7793 I deconverted a long time ago! Technically once you are catholic, you are always considered catholic, even if you’re lapsed.

[@richardfoldes7793]

@@Nurse-Laura oh i didnt know that

[@melissalee2166]

This is terrifying 😂