How to be a Pirate Captain! 🌈 ☠️ 🌈

[@CGPGrey]

[@snackswe]

:D

[@Lokie-os9ht]

:D

[@averyinterestingpineapple6038]

:D

[@kelcata]

:D

[@vadernation1233]

:D

[@janehates]

The way you say “fake guns don’t shoot, now do they?” Was beautiful

[@mazzalnx]

The slap on the back nearly killed me. Such perfect delivery.

[@Wolforce]

It was, indeed, perfect.

[@swamppass]

It was very Flapjack-esque and I loved it

[@joshuazhong2520]

1:30

[@zawsrdtygbhjimokpl6998]

@@joshuazhong2520 thanks, for me and a few others, your time stamp saved a few seconds each, perhaps even 10

[@bergonius]

I love how captain sound a bit offended when recruit dislikes the canvas camouflage. Brilliant!

[@peterjalgalado2243]

Yeah

[@legokenobi1185]

Yeah, he's like, "hey, I painted that by myself"

[@unculturedswine5583]

@@legokenobi1185 what can I say he loves branding

[@amodgawade4323]

Yaar it only look good from afar he says in a distruaght manner

[@TheKathylamwy]

500th like nice

[@aidanking6801]

There should’ve been a “Monarch’s version” that is just the empire talking about all the downsides of being a pirate

[@FirstnameLastname-kn5sw]

The Monarch is a pirate

[@DawnfireGalinndan]

@@FirstnameLastname-kn5sw You know, you're not entirely wrong...

[@JaysonVaughn]

@@FirstnameLastname-kn5sw bloody right!

[@1stnamel4stname]

@@FirstnameLastname-kn5sw nice username bro

[@KlaxontheImpailr]

I second the motion.

[@yellobanana6456]

"Fake guns don't shoot, nOw dO tHeY?" This guy is cheekier than a peach. He's awesome.

[@stuck_around]

grey sounded a bit like flapjack there lol

[@gangsta74110]

" *boop* "

[@speedybp5950]

Time stamp: 1:30

[@jamersbazuka8055]

Cheekier than a booty?

[@myusername3689]

@@jamersbazuka8055 yes

[@agentb42]

How is Grey doing? Grey: *Posts 4 videos in 2 months* I guess he's doing pretty well

[@TS-jm7jm]

arguably he's not feeling well

[@karmaplant1801]

Listening to Cortex like: How are you doing Grey? "I am actually doing GREAT!!!"

[@MyLittleMagneton]

~ 2 proper videos

[@sofuswurtz5951]

Corona?

[@oliverm1255]

@@MyLittleMagneton Yeh this one din't have the quality of a CGPgrey video.

[@mujdaameen4609]

3:29 "That captain is a fool and probably cruel treating his men like mule while admiring a jewel the whole crew sick of his rule!" Captain: Dude, Uncool

[@chicken8664]

Oversimplified meme Imao

[@sixsquare1177]

Ahh a man of culture I see.

[@danielbrawley4141]

It's the holy words

[@lukko6117]

Top 10 comments ever

[@spankyjr8663]

Oversimplified and this channel are so similar and amazing!!! 😍😍😍

[@jadenborowsky5584]

The fact that the captain’s voice is muffled while he’s in the barrel at 0:45 is amazing

[@generalkermit6421]

yeah

[@nerd_nato564]

I know it's either an editing trick or just his hand, but I'd like to imagine Grey just popping out of the barrel in whatever room he records these in.

[@adamosman2142]

"We don't want to torture, understand?" Grey would make a truly terrifying pirate.

[@danielmoelders7290]

I think quite the contrary. He doesn't want to fight and torture, but he will do it if needed. It's all branding. If you surrender everything is great, but if you fight you will regret it.

[@notachannle]

@@danielmoelders7290 yeah, thats called terror

[@luongmaihunggia]

Do ya fear death?

[@jdotoz]

@@danielmoelders7290 Unless your enemy believes that you will be as cruel as you threaten to be, your threat will fail. That credibility has to be built somehow.

[@adamosman2142]

@@jdotoz someone has to be tortured, but you don't want to torture everyone. It's an optimisation problem.

[@telodxpd]

This captain sounds like one of those villains you generally cheer for in movies.

[@minorcomet282]

He seems happy, but he knows the dangers of Piratehood. Ironically, this is in-line with his motivation of "Branding". He seems happy, but this is an illusion. Only because he wants his "customers" to not fight.

[@SamJD1976]

Exactly

[@Syllence]

Hades.

[@minorcomet282]

@@Syllence hAIDS

[@gregs1245]

Branding

[@PaulTheSkeptic]

"I scorn to do anyone a mischief..." This guy just raised the bar for national talk like a pirate day.

[@Iacedrom54]

It's (reportedly) a quote from an actual pirate! Black Sam Bellamy.

[@PaulTheSkeptic]

@@Iacedrom54 Cool.

[@danbrooks5060]

@@Iacedrom54 wow! that line instantly stood out to me - i wondered if it was recorded in a primary source like Charles Johnson: _A General History of the Pyrates_

[@bigmeek4705]

The little "Yarr" of the captian defending his canvas gets me every time. Just like "Hey bro, that aint cool".

[@eltonmateusnevesneves]

Yarr... uncool

[@lekoman]

“Hey… I worked hard on that!”

[@carrott36]

Dude, Uncool

[@Dextersauve11]

Ain't not aint

[@spunkyspaz]

"Boop".

[@midievalcat7770]

How to be a pirate Normal person: steal stuff from other ships Grey: B R A N D I N G

[@gingerinajacket8519]

I mean one of those, according to Grey, leads to the other in 4/5 scenarios. The weight those scenarios are in question, maybe you are confident that you can take on the pirates because you have more real guns, maybe you are looking at the first chance to jump ship to join the pirates. Maybe you are delusional enough to fight more often than surrender when you have a weaker crew.

[@ahmedamine24]

@@gingerinajacket8519 I wonder how many fake guns the pirates had.

[@kingturboturtlednoc5722]

@@ahmedamine24 probably a lot, after all the scarier they look the more likely enemies are to surrender, and enemies won't think they're fake since, why hide fake guns?

[@deanspanos8210]

I tried to sail the high seas....brought my BitTorrent, eye patch and 🦜 too. The Somalians did not take too kindly.

[@yassinzakar]

​Pirates wouldn't also be stupid to try to pick up a fight with military ship and etc. They probably used also the camouflage to check on the target ship.

[@megaagentj2248]

I love how the captain sounded genuinely sad when the cannon cover was criticised

[@spooky4124]

*sad yarr*

[@Shadethewolfy]

WHY ARE YOU SPELLING IT WITH ONLY TWO NS?? Isn't it spelled "cannon"? "Canon" is like the type of music and lore pertaining to a story, isn't it??

[@smartart6841]

@@Shadethewolfy yup

[@El_Hornio_II]

@@Shadethewolfy fuckin chill, I've seen Grammar Nazis but man you're the Grammar Gestapo

[@danny_7505]

True

[@mogfoil]

Grey spent half his quarantine learning how to talk like a pirate. Edit: Haha, very funny, this aged poorly. Please stop spamming my notifs over it.

[@vaclav_fejt]

by Mad Cap'n Tom

[@flordelphinta]

and weeds

[@Infer8]

Yep

[@RunaurufuOfficial]

yar!!!!

[@r.k.fawkes7360]

Y O U A R E A S P A C E S H I P M A T E Y

[@devilsadvocate.]

I love how Jolly and slightly psychotic this captian character you've created is. He's so passively happy about the atrocities he has commited.

[@abc-oq7dt]

"But fake guns don't shoot now, do they?" Is my favourite bit

[@Mitaka.Kotsuka]

mine too

[@speedy01247]

I agree, the way he says it.

[@jamesbaxter222]

Booty be licious

[@tomassanz2003]

Oh that’s not jolly That’s not jolly at all

[@glowcloudwheatproducts495]

For some reason that part made me think of flapjack

[@MemesnShet]

*CGP Greybeard*

[@fancyfox3602]

*YES*

[@treycoors2977]

The clear choice in these trying times

[@namenamename390]

This is a comment deservant of the top position.

[@non1263]

If he knows the thu'um then count me in!

[@FlamebladeCotWW]

*YES*

[@poisontango]

I like imagining Grey pace back and forth in his home office, deliberating the most effective script, and rehearsing ways to perfectly articulate these lines over and over again, during quarantine.

[@DozyBinsh]

Thunder crackles in the background.

[@MartinFeatherstone]

Loving labouring over 'lliteration.

[@OneFoxTwoFox]

He better be doing it in the right zone!!!!

You mean in "spaceship you"?

[@yasminafarih3681]

With rain and thunder sounds in the background

[@suz5191]

Grey's subtle voice acting in these videos is GOLDEN

[@lseangaming4137]

subtle?

[@suz5191]

@@lseangaming4137 I say subtle cause it's still very clearly his own voice, he's not really changing it all that much but he's adding just enough to give the different characters, well, character

[@j.wberger3479]

This is why I like Captain Edward Teach “Blackbeard”. He was such a master at marketing his brand and image he is still remembered today.

[@EGRJ]

I just finished listening to the Our Fake History podcast episodes on him. He lasted two years.

[@noahhorner231]

And yet we still remember him. Was he a highly successful pirate? No. Was he even a good pirate? Not really. Why is he remembered? BRANDING.

[@alexanderrobins7497]

It is like how I remember the pirate ship run by a couple women, one of whom was disguised as a man for awhile.

[@hubertblastinoff9001]

@@alexanderrobins7497 Wasn't there also once the case where a disguised woman tried to hit on another disguised woman?

[@jiaqishao4357]

J.W Berger I know right? He really showed the world his brand when he killed Edward Newgate.

[@Milkra]

The captain slapping the guy on the back took up 99% of this episode’s animation budget

[@karlwheeler9076]

Sorry I don’t get it, could you please explain for some of us more dim witted folks?

[@Wonders_of_Reality]

At which time point exactly?

[@maximkovalkov1334]

1:31

[@BilliBeeDedeDawnJrIII]

@@karlwheeler9076 Its sarcasm, the arm is actually animated when normally everything is just pictures sliding around.

[@mico6155]

@@BilliBeeDedeDawnJrIII You need to look up what sarcasm means, because that has literally nothing to do with sarcasm. That's just a joke. Stop trying to label everything...

[@ianr4343]

It must have been extremely hard to not talk about tumbleweeds. He even went where tumbleweeds can't get to him.

[@mickys8065]

That's what they want you to think

[@ricecake1228]

Waterweeds!

[@richtigmann1]

SwimmingWeeds!

[@nepunepu5894]

@@richtigmann1 surfer tumble weeds

[@zachcrawford5]

Yet.

[@grenademann4022]

Interviewer: So why did you choose to be a pirate? Me: The captain called me his boy

[@thraexgladiator]

*"M'Lad"*

[@jonavanderpal]

I felt that.

[@phantomwarrior2978]

Old sport

[@jin_cotl]

@@phantomwarrior2978 “so are you trying that out or is it a keeper?”

[@its_deer]

"I'm gonna make a pirate video with lots of rhyme, to the top of the recommended list we shall climb" ~CGP Grey, probably

[@AegixDrakan]

This needs more likes, for it to be so low is nothing but yikes!

[@kingofsomething3250]

"We're going to get 139K likes, or we're going to stick the haters's heads on pikes!" -CGP Grey, most likely.

[@friedlemons5201]

bruh I thought it was an allegory for socioeconomic ideologies or something....

[@spidertiger585]

i be late but, "CGP" "CCP"

[@gormauslander]

Gruntilda of the high seas

[@AnimeFan-wd5pq]

CGP grey: talks about theft and slowly torturing people to death Also CGP grey: *BRANDING*

[@blackjack7654]

The only thing more sinister than a pirate is a marketer

[@dwightwilliams5892]

@@blackjack7654 "Marketeering!:

[@VodShod]

@@blackjack7654 aye! all fear ye marketeer.

[@ericc9321]

National conversation: Talking about looting CGP: [pirate shanties intensify]

[@j-dog7767]

Jesus that’s a lot of likes in half an hour

[@MinhTran-ss2my]

"Booty be licious" Never the same after realizing this truth.

[@lapoco5678]

Free booty

[@trickytreyperfected1482]

👅💦 'licious booty

[@Botassiumm]

🍑👅

[@snoopyguy21]

Confirmed that Grey listens to Beyonce

[@mjtman4889]

The booty warrior

[@sasirekha319]

"A court of the captain where his crew can complain." Followed by, "...corrodes a captain's confidence in command. Given the crew's critique of his conduct could conclude his career." Jeez the amount of alliteration and the fact that it is by design makes me want to draw a parallel between V from V for Vendetta and C from CGP Grey. Pretty impressive!!

[@aspenpawarts9333]

Grey doing a pirate voice is all I’ve ever wanted and more

[@manopeace9175]

Pirate CGP GPS voice when?

[@anthonykwasigroh9819]

“Boop”

[@gaminggeckos4388]

Not even doing a voice, just using pirate lingo in a normal, everyday voice, which is even funnier.

[@fenhen]

*Grey

[@sovietagent9303]

Me too

[@jeffersonfan393]

I’m stuck in an infinite loop between the captains version and quartermasters version help.

[@regendthe___guy1507]

Is this Requiem?

[@aldar8240]

@@regendthe___guy1507 wha-

[@itsvhere4327]

You got some company

[@somebodyhere3160]

You have brothers in arms and booty in hands

[@sirflimflam]

This is the first time this has happened to me...

[@amateraceon5202]

“Booty be licious” - CGP Grey, 2020

[@Edmonton-of2ec]

Probably

[@bigbundle3223]

He had so much fun with this script

[@sweetsucculentcontentnectar]

@CGP Grey, this needs to be a shirt. Preferably a pirate shirt.

[@birdeelikeaboss]

"Please present your booty" -CGP Grey, 2020

[@maryneu528]

Yum

[@beroulga]

"booty, be licious" is one of the greatest phrases I have ever heard. well played Grey and co.

[@jasonzheng8257]

3:11 Let’s just appreciate that “Boop” added by the Captain

[@-JustHuman-]

Yeah, the "boop" part really made me smile, would join only for that.

[@croquemaster314]

I fecking live for the boop

[@The1nsomniacPotato]

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

[@AimlessSavant]

"it be fer tha marketing!"

[@DivalTheFroge]

'Boop' best part!

[@kaipakta817]

This was the happiest guide to proper pillaging that I've ever seen. Dr. Seuss sure had a career change, didn't he?

[@superfluous9726]

"In the last and longest moments of your life.... *b0op* "

[@folasade7433]

That’s the best part,he was talking so dark and then b00p

[@rshua]

...Sombra?

[@Styx_Dragon]

@@sonza68 Same!

[@matthewmacleod6506]

@@rshua I think so.

[@Texan.Insomniac]

3:12

[@abasdarhon]

That entire alternate scenario with very dark and grim tones at 3:05 ending with an affectionate BOOP! kills me every time.

[@10kanutt]

"We be holding a court; a court of the captain, whose crew can complain. Knowing this chance corrodes the Captains confidence in command, given the crew's critique of his conduct could conclude his career." The alliteration. It's TOO GOOD!

[@sebastianjost]

That must have taken quite some time to come up with.

[@mrmacman2u]

I read this as it played! Timing!

[@alba2162]

@@mrmacman2u same

[@christopherstewart3650]

Is wonder if two pirate ships both were flying false flags then they went close to each other then showed the jolly Roger and the crew just stared at each other

[@mettatonsagent7541]

“Well this is awkward”

[@Jake-ch5cy]

Then a ship of the Empire comes by and now there’s a 3-way-stare

[@lovell8983]

@Félix Sánchez "HoW DO yOu dO fEllOw cOuNtRyMEn?"

[@B2wasTaken]

@@avw5kt monster jam with boats

[@samuelalphabet5360]

@@avw5kt There's plenty of valuables to go around. Your goal as a pirate is to get away with theft with as little risk to yourself as possible. Think of it on a small scale. Instead of pirates, imagine they're two muggers. Do you really wanna get into a knife fight with someone just for their wallet? Or would you rather leave each other alone, and go mug somebody weak and defenseless, who will most likely just give you their wallet without a struggle.

[@fernandesl]

The number of times the word "booty" was said here is way above the average of this channel

[@Santti1989]

Uh oh, the arbitrary gods of KZbin might see this as Grey impersonating himself again.

[@kingturboturtlednoc5722]

@@Santti1989 Don't you just hate it when you steal your own identity?

[@DankstaTV]

if a pirate ye be, ye have booty in hand if talk about pirates ye do, ye have booty in mouth

[@alenasenie6928]

"I think there has been plenty of booty"

[@MikeTotem]

There were 13 spoken "bootys" and 5 unspoken "bootys" :-)

[@littleblueclovers]

CGP did a fantastic job playing a charming character. The captain was so fun to listen to (and a great contrast from the tired and book-smarter quartermaster)

[@mousermind]

The protagonist never makes a decision, he just listens to each pirate over and over, forever.

[@NathanPalmer]

He's really indecisive.

[@therafmaster5958]

Alarec Scarbrow I like to think he accepts

[@Natalie-101]

That's what we're all doing lol

[@acatwithafancyhat5782]

N. P. Sound like moderates. They can’t decide

[@sebastianjost]

Maybe he forgets these things really fast

[@glumbortango7182]

The boop. The boop is the best part of this. I will remember nothing else if not the boop. Thank you Græy, for the boop.

[@BradyPostma]

3:16

[@ribottostudio]

Boop gave me life

[@Mryeo5354]

(1:58)"please present your booty" was also pretty good imo

[@caffeineaholic]

Boop!

[@christianweibrecht6555]

I'm surprised I'm a pirate than I transform into sombra while booping him

[@was023]

Their branding was so effective that even today pirates are one of the most recognisable groups of people in history

[@jdotoz]

And, outside the romanticized fictional past, the most hated. Piracy these days is considered a crime against all of civilization, and some nations claim the authority to prosecute any act of piracy on the high seas. Even back in the "golden age," being captured more or less meant hanging for the amusement of the locals.

[@jdotoz]

@@yi8036 While the UK certainly had many, many capital crimes on the books, it seems that the death penalty wasn't actually carried out as often as that suggests. For example, from 1770-1830 only about 20% of the 35,000 death sentences handed down were actually executed. But even after significant capital punishment reform began in the 1830s, "piracy with violence" (which was written such that just about any forceful act of piracy could count) remained a capital offense. In fact, it was tied with treason as the last civilian capital offense in the UK to have its penalty reduced to life imprisonment.

[@shg45]

Shoutouts to the KZbin channels that uploads pirated compilations like "Family Guy Funny Moments" for the love of the show.

[@chinmaymathur7000]

These pirates are good though, they bring us movies which we missed to see in cinema for free!!

[@TerribleInThOriginal]

@@jdotoz I think the question id like to ask is why so few of those death sentences were executed, because my guess runs a lot closer to "died in prison from bad conditions first" than anyone being released. And of course piracy is a crime against nations. Pirates were nationless. Privateers were mercinaries, controlable, but pirates were not. Not saying piracy was GOOD, but it's... A pretty understandable alternative when you look at the options sometimes.

[@TheGachaDilby]

I just noticed when the captain says “It be all about branding” the quartermaster just look at him with this look that says “Are you sure about that?!”

[@leia2968]

Time stamp: 0:03

[@bennemann]

Can we just take a moment to appreciate: "That captain is a fool, and probably cruel, treating his men like mule, feeding them gruel, while admiring a jewel, the whole crew sick of his rule." Timestamp 3:29.

[@sleystad872]

Poetry.

[@iau]

Also 3:52: "Knowing this chance Corrodes a Captain's Confidence in Command, given the Crew's Critique of his Conduct Could Conclude his Career."

[@wanwinters9961]

beautifully done

[@theextreem]

Bars

[@williamhartman5424]

Sounds like something out of You Suck at Cooking

[@adarshram4495]

Why is he good at rhyming and alliteration Seriously, IT'S AMAZING

[@ThomasNing]

many drafts, many edits, many scraps, many retakes.

[@thomaskerr3932]

yung grey

[@t.b.m.5718]

Branding even knows to leave out the word “scurvy”.

[@emilyscloset2648]

It's all marketing!

[@elijahdage5523]

That's well implied.

[@Nilguiri]

and weevils.

[@seigeengine]

Was scurvy particularly common among pirates? It really oughtn't have been, but stupidity is vast.

[@VallenChaosValiant]

@@seigeengine Cure for scurvy was found for a long time, but then Europe invented Canning and had the stupid idea of canning lime juice, which destroys the Vitamin C. So suddenly lime juice doesn't work anymore and the sailors blamed the juice and stop drinking them.

[@kingvideogames]

2:38 I like to think that the quartermaster was once another worker for the navy ship before defecting, based on what the Captain is saying lining up with what he's doing.

[@cameraboimykul]

"Yar it need only look good from afar" He sounds so hurt

[@Darthwgamer]

Basically girls in Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and others.

[@bananacat4945]

Booty belicious

[@mrjoe332]

He definitely painted it himself

[@21owlgirl72]

Id give the captain a good job

[@dinamosflams]

He spent the whole night on that painting, a little consideration would be nice 🥺

[@SlashBolt]

Grey: You don't want to be a dictator, it's a lot of responsibility. Also Grey: You totally want to be a pirate, it's easy and fun!

[@maxlife459]

It can be argued that pirates are self-filtering: only people that want to be pirates are pirates. Those living under a dictator are not given such a filter; They may not be able to leave for any reason.

[@elloo98]

Through intense study of your coment I have concluded that Grey is in fact ancap as fuck.

[@wppb50]

@@maxlife459 That's the reason why... as unsatisfying as it is, it might be for the best when murderous dictators aren't fully prosecuted on the international stage. When a dictator is coming up against, let us say, the conclusion of his term of office, it might be best all around if he has the option to embezzle a modest but comfortable retirement fund and retire somewhere scenic in the French countryside. Some will always drag things out until they've done the full Mussolini, but an alternative to a short drop with a sudden stop gives an incentive not to drag out the violence into the "to the last bullet" stage of the fighting.

[@Guztav1337]

""easy""

[@Kaiasky]

@@elloo98 I don't think so, if you listen to Hello Internet that seems pretty far from his position. And like, much of the point of this video is that private property (the Crown's ship being property of the Crown) comes from the ability to do violence to protect that property (killing mutineers). Most ancaps I've talked to have taken private property as a natural right, or as an intrinsically valuable property.

[@ersetzbarescrewmitgliednr.7063]

Listen to the voice of grey sounding like he's coming out of a barrel in sync with the animation 0:45 This dude is actually amazing xD

[@TenPiesInATrenchcoat]

Als Ersetzbares Crewmitglied solltest du bei Anwesenheit von Piraten lieber etwas vorsichtig ^^

[@Akedanai100]

Nice

[@yuuri9064]

Ooh, didn't notice!

[@vasilivros4166]

This is a pretty basic thing, seriously.

[@haph2087]

Vasilivros Yeah, but it’s that attention to detail that makes this channel great.

[@Sewblon]

What I took from this and the quartermaster's edition is that the imperial and merchant ship crews do not own their ship's cargo. So they have no built in incentive to defend it. But the pirates get to keep the booty that they steal. So they have a built in incentive to go after it. But the pirates don't have many ports to go to for repairs or surgeons to go to when they get hurt. So they have a built in disincentive to actually fight for their plunder. So peaceful surrender is the dominant strategy, unless the empire and the investors impose pretty stiff penalties on people who surrender and/or great rewards on those who choose to fight the pirates. Rewards are costly. So penalties are going to be the dominant strategy for the empire "Defend my cargo or be hung once we get back to port." But private investors don't have the authority to issue criminal punishments. So you would expect them to give greater monetary incentives to fight, because all they can do if you surrender is fire you.

[@Sewblon]

@@aeonreign6456 You mean when privateering becomes an option?

[@Pepino8A]

First SpaceX Rocket with Humans lauches CGP Grey: Yarr

[@K9nn9th]

Was juz watching that livestream on NASA then notification popped up XD

[@drakeisacake]

And he is going to play splatoon instead if rocket

[@keco185]

Both are ships. One of sea and one of space

[@stephenbergthold5499]

i thought that it got canceled

[@euhenyo4443]

Space Pirates!

[@seanbrady2232]

“Brands must mean something, that’s why we torture!” Cool, now do Amazon!

[@finnaginfrost6297]

*Cool, he did Amazon!

[@FirstNameLastName-qt2hz]

O O F

[@glenngriffon8032]

Same thing, different icon.

[@stm7810]

"Brands must mean something, that’s why we torture!” -Every capitalist.

[@RainaRamsay]

+

[@linkbro4374]

Honestly, I thought this was going to be yet another "yo being a pirate sucked ass" video, but this was *way* better, thank you grey!

[@copper589]

Wait for part two with the serious looking dude in glass on the dock

[@Sorcerers_Apprentice]

He presents pillaging in the best way he understands it - as presenting opposing crew and captain with a series of binary choice calculations to inform their chances of fighting or surrender.

[@user-nk8zx1yw8s]

Salmonella intensifies

[@hlibushok]

"Knowing this Chance Corrodes a Captain's Confidence in Command, given the Crew's Critique oh his Conduct Could Conclude his Career." It's probably the best one of Grey.

[@danielmccully706]

"But lose and you might beg for mercy in the last and longest moments of your life... BOOP" - CGP Grey 2020

[@stewartpalbourne6225]

BOOP

[@GrueneVanilleWaffel]

boop (:

[@mmmk1616]

Boop-Oop-a-Doop!

[@Jay99420]

Ah, the overwatch trailer reference

[@lfox02]

" Cutting our cover, unfurling the flag, ditching the drag and sullying pantaloons. That's _branding_ " Grey's videos have insane rewatchability, it's just so brilliant.

[@ChessedGamon]

So this is what Grey was doing when he wasn’t uploading.

[@Zac_hartleyy]

ya

[@vanguard616]

@@Zac_hartleyy Yarr*

[@kovaxim]

I'm glad I got to see this as it set sail.

[@bigmo611]

Yarp

[@glumbortango7182]

Boop

[@loanwanning3441]

That little boop at 3:16 really got me.

[@whirvis]

CGP Grey sounds like he'd be a Dr. Seuss version of a pirate

[@AFriendlyTheo]

If Grey were an author, I'd expect a style similar to Dr.Seuss, but much wiser, way more informative, and a lot more bloodlust

[@Phoenix_The_HeroHater]

Lol

[@cloud_and_proud]

Well, you see, he's doing this very niche and little-known style of writing called "poetry," and, little known fact: Dr. Seuss happened to also like writing in this obscure style.

[@cloud_and_proud]

Jokes aside, do you actually think his style of poetry is similar to Dr. Seuss, or was he just the first poet to jump into your head?

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

In short: -Branding. -Grey spent way too much time learning to talk like a pirate. -When pirates attack, work with them, you have a decentish chance of living unharmed. -Pirates were not THAT evil, more like, 90% evil.

[@FireUIVA]

lawful evil, its just good business to be consistently cruel

[@pumpkinthighs]

@@FireUIVA arguably chaotic neutral if you REALLY stretch it

[@Shadow_Witch]

@@pumpkinthighs Well, they want their booty nd they be doing anything to get it, they don't necessarily need to do it the evil way, maybe they don't even want to do it the bad way, but if they have to, they will. I'd argue they're chaotic neutral.

[@pumpkinthighs]

@@Shadow_Witch Don't they also kill bad captains? I'd argue pirates are chaotic neutral too

[@e_rock_3149]

Just in case anyone with a still functioning moral compass is reading this, no, it is not "neutral" to torture innocent people to death for the sole motivation of personal gain (contrary to what the two commentors above seem to think). Piracy, torture, murder, and extortion are all *evil,* and if you agree, congratulations, you have at least the bare minimum amount of empathy towards other humans.

[@Prizzlesticks]

I just need a shirt that says BRANDING with a pirate flag and rainbow, and beneath in tiny script, "boop!" Please.

[@StrokeMahEgo]

@@TrashPanda5150 yea, but it's cooler if grey makes it official merch, that way you're supporting a creator you enjoy

[@megans4211]

+

[@Bagimations]

I want. NOW

[@ilikepie4685]

I need this.

[@Bagimations]

I do want. NOW. XD

[@Taeban42]

Day 247: I've been talking the captain and the quartermaster on loop. There is no time for sleep, and just barely enough time to scrounge the necessary sustenance to continue. I wonder if I'll ever escape this maddening loop.

[@gladyspenaloza7722]

F

[@yeeboi3210]

F

[@jasonr8967]

"The job of a sergeant isn't to make his soldiers fearless. It's to make them fear the sergeant more than the enemy."

[@mickys8065]

that doesnt sound very wise, cause then you end up deserting and joining the enemy because you fear them less

[@jasonr8967]

@@mickys8065 I'm sorry. Let me clarify. The soldiers should fear the wrath of the sergeant. That is to say, the soldiers should be more afraid of upsetting the sergeant than whatever the enemy can do to them. So, sergeant says take the hill, you take the hill no matter if there are mortars and bullets coming your way.

[@WlatPziupp]

Ah, the purpose of a sergeant is to get fragged if they ever run into anyone with any sense

[@justastaythatwillnotbename2990]

I read that in his pirate accent

[@dylangraham1503]

That's exactly what Cesare did in new Vegas as having his feared legate behind his troops would make then run towards the enemy rather then back towards the feared legate.

[@vonKraehe]

"And what does this red flag mean?" "Oh, we're signaling that this time we don't have to spend time on something as unimportant as survivors ... you know, for marketing purposes"

[@Aereto]

Red Flag: No one's going to tell on us.

[@dorkmax7073]

@@Aereto Corpses can't snitch

[@jdotoz]

That's a stupid thing to advertise. Sure, you might win the fight. Maybe it's even likely that you'll win the fight. But telling the enemy up front that you intend to kill them all guarantees a fight, and fighting means you might get hurt - perhaps even badly. Better by far to leave the enemy hope that an early surrender will save them.

[@martijnbouman8874]

@@jdotoz Doesn't the red flag mean you intend to kill everybody only if they not surrender?

[@nnelg8139]

@@jdotoz It might be good to scare the other ship into running away, useful if you think a ship might be too dangerous to be worth it yet don't want to sully your reputation by fleeing yourself.

[@renatocorvaro6924]

"No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Wesley." The Princess Bride: teaching kids about the importance of branding via pirates for decades.

[@Decius82]

And forget surrendering to The Dread Pirate Cummerbund.

[@maggiemakgill]

@@Decius82 or The Dread Pirate Ryan and the future Dread Pirate Indigo.

[@1.4142]

the dread pirate boop

[@lcc9769]

Movie is still a classic

[@NoNameAtAll2]

Shut up Wesley!

[@nickkytesla5897]

And now im playing Sid Meiers: Pirates! with this on lol 😂

[@durdleduc8520]

this blend between Pirate Talk and Grey Talk is really messing with me

[@-dennis3755]

@Beta it's Greyt*

[@sabrinagibby4167]

+

[@sammin101]

I kept thinking he’d stop doing the pirate voice, but alas no

[@francozan]

As a non native english speaker, this was really difficult to understand

[@Devalation]

It comes more naturally than any of us expected

[@TheRealGuywithoutaMustache]

"We want free booty. When we ask for booty, booty to be granted, and bounce." When an animator is better than most rappers of 2020.

[@attackofthejiggli]

Caught you again, lol

[@visibleconfusion782]

Animator? Seeing Grey’s progress through the years has been amazing. I can’t believe he’s a legit animator now. Makes the long hiatuses worth it.

[@HelloLillyTV]

​@@visibleconfusion782 I think he hires people now to illustrate and animate. Grey is mostly the scriptwriter and director

[@ourladypeace3]

HelloLillyTV There are only two people credited for helping with the video, an editor and a music producer.

[@JoneseyBanana]

@@ourladypeace3 There is, nevertheless, an animator. He talks about it a lot on one of his podcasts.

[@WrathOfMega]

"I'd like to talk to that guy before I decide..." I smell another video coming.

[@batterylevellow5473]

Maybe thats why this video is so hard to dissect. Maybe its about getting jobs and how people try to make you join? I think you're right about the 2nd video thing for sure.

[@hinkles73]

If you're Grey and you read the comment above this and this reply, I want to tell you you could use the open ending to set up a Director's Commentary or something.

[@kimerlioliver4087]

He had better.

[@warboy9941]

Probably about the bad side of pirate life

[@yeongcherry]

or maybe the story of the very first pirate and how he influence others to become a pirate.

[@iexpectedthespanishinquisi1657]

3:11 and if you lose you will beg for mercy for the last and longest moments of your life. BOOP! I loved that line

[@PeterSiasoyco]

pirate: Pls present yer booty Me: well then...

[@junkyardjoe1419]

Update your sub count.

[@cking4869]

Since you have no videos, your banner is pointless and I love it

[@IAmTheAce5]

[full moon]

[@knightofsvea604]

"Genghis My Khan, Why do you put Up a White tent outside the enemy city?" Genghis: "BRANDING! ... BOOP!"

[@signorferrari8939]

Yup you had 3 days to surrender. Or city go boop

[@MrAlexkyra]

Genghis Khan: 'Now we don't want to annihalate your city, you understand? But the Mongol brand must mean something'

[@joimumu]

Alex Kyriacou They did keep their promises the good, the bad and the ugly

[@hellatze]

Unless its khwerzim empire. Almost all people died in that war. There is a city surrendering, ended up in a rubble with mountain of corpse.

[@hereisyoursign6750]

@@hellatze Timurids came a few hundred years later and did the same thing, probably the worst place to live between the 1000's through 1500's

[@DoneFinEnd]

Can we all just agree. Hearing Grey say "Boop!" was amazing.

[@gokbay3057]

That's Captain Grey to you

[@Blak2blue]

So Great! 🤣

[@jovesun8303]

The pirate captain method of 'rules' Grey mentions were most often used by a pirate named Edward Low who was notorious for savagely torturing his victims, sometimes for fun, and was considered one of the most bloodthirsty pirates of the Golden Age of Piracy. Each pirate crew drew up their own version of the rules amongst thenselves before setting sail, but a lot of the 'rules' were very similar in general.

[@raffriff42]

"I'd like to talk to that guy before I decide." He'd like to talk to /the accountant/ about salary & benefits before he decides. What's the healthcare plan? Can he keep his doctor? Stuff like that.

[@JeremyLevi]

Not *that* far from the truth, although with pirates the main "benefit" was more about a pension for your widow if/when the worst should happen.

[@richtigmann1]

but the pirate life is also terrible. teeth falling out and sleeping in a crowded deck every day.

[@dragonboyjgh]

You can't keep your doctor, but don't worry we have one on staff because our chef pulls double duty.

[@ValdVincent]

@@richtigmann1 That was true for all sailors, but hay, you get a barrel of beer, a share of the loot, maybe some grog, definitely some mugo, and hard tack. Plus they'll likely have a priest, maybe a choir (some cases did), and you can maybe retire in america, or south america, or africa. (Depends the time you were around in)

[@zachcrawford5]

I think you would be pleasantly suprised.

[@lincken5885]

And at the end card he looks up and sees.. “Grey Tries to Play Splatoon 2”

[@CBG232x5]

“Branding is image not reality” is low key one of my favorite quotes from this video.

[@housellama]

It only has to work long enough to get the sale.

[@fazdoll]

3:37 in that cross-section of the ship, the ship is tilted, but the hanging chandelier over the Empire Captain's table is mostly straight. Of course, it's hanging from a chain and responds to gravity.

[@dododododododo-a-do-a251]

Pirates in fiction: Argh, laddies! We will fight for glory and treasure, and fight to our dying breath for our brotherhood! Pirates in reality: * *psychological warfare* *

[@Aldowyn]

You play AC4? Blackbeard was all about this Well, until he got pissed off, but that didn't end well for him

[@Rayan-bj8wn]

Oh lad, don't ya mean brandin'

[@maxmichalik4938]

@@Aldowyn What's AC4?

[@A76noname]

@Max Michalik Assassin's Creed 4

[@JewTube001]

in reality that's the fiction the pirates themselves cultivated.

[@DasGanon]

"that guy" is probably the Quartermaster and what most people don't realize is that outside of combat on Pirate Ships, he's got as much authority as the captain. He's basically in charge of logistics and probably in charge of Pirate Health Insurance.

[@TheRabbitPoet]

Also, he's the one counting and dividing the booty. If there's anything more dangerous than a guy with a gun, it's the guy paying for each bullet

[@kieran10202]

Pirate health insurance be the barber surgeon and the hacksaw

[@rachelise11]

Yup, the branding works: "Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time." And... "No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley."

[@ahmedamine24]

They would if they knew what a badass he be. Also, "to the pain" was excellent pirate tactics.

[@kamathonxander1]

"[...] Knowing this chance corrodes a captain's confidence in command given the crew's critique of his conduct could conclude his career." What a masterpiece of a sentence :D

[@AngPur]

Many sailors in the golden age of sail were empressed, or basically a foreign sailor (either national or commercial) captured and used as slave labor. When given the opportunity they became pirates quite readily to gain some freedom back. That's what a jolly roger was. Despite the deathly look of it, the general purpose was "we are providing quarter" along with the threat. Meaning you might become merely a pirate hostage or even join their crew. If you REALLY upset a pirate crew, they'd fly a solid crimson red "no quarter offered" flag, meaning they were declaring full intention to murder every last one of you. That was exceedingly rare. As pirates were sailors, their concept of 'booty' was not just gold and treasure. Often they sought supplies of rations and medicine. Plunder also had to cover their day to day life.

[@outdateduser7036]

Source?

[@Holysnowboard]

Victor S literally all of this is googleable or readable in any book on pirates.

[@eldorados_lost_searcher]

He's not kidding about strange "booty." Captain Benjamin Hornigold once captured a prize simply to steal the crew's hats. Because, according to one version, Hornigold's crew had become rambunctious the night before and all threw their own hats into the drink. Another version says that Hornigold did it just to prove that he could.

[@outdateduser7036]

Zidzan that's not the point. I don't carry the burden of proof. Unless that guy is a pirate, there should be a source

[@joeyknight8272]

@@outdateduser7036 but benefit of the doubt there is nothing to profit from the lie

[@slurpx524]

In this video we learned about: -the history of pirate deception -how to properly brand yourself -the importance of symbols -how to rhyme "-ool" over 5 times *mastahpiece*

[@derekw104]

BDG already taught us how to brand ourselves

[@mervinhocsonart1921]

Also how to effectively say "booty" as many times as possible. ;)

[@epsilon5733]

And the importance of booty.

[@idealoading]

@@derekw104in which video

[@charlespruner7050]

@@derekw104 _&/€{€{££€€□£{£{JGUFUFUFUFUFUU keeieiQ

[@aboubacrinecisse3455]

"Lose and you might beg for mercy and the last and longest moments of your life... *boop* " Grey you absolut genius

[@wassapM8]

I like how the Quartermaster leaves a longer explanation because he knows pirating a lot better than the captain himself.

[@CyberKirby]

Why is Pirate Grey such a fun guy? I want to get a beer with Pirate Grey.

[@CheatTerra]

*Boop!*

[@namewarvergeben]

Grog with Grey!

[@jamesw5268]

Pirate Grey is *VERY* good at branding

[@MarshallTheArtist]

Rum with Grey.

[@antonisking2696]

I want to get a beer with Grey Grey

[@gluesniffingdude]

"You've got to be the worst pirate I've ever heard of." "Yarr, but ye heard of me through BRANDING."

[@kennylau9677]

Pirate: Please present your booty. Captain: *sighs at being hit on* This guy is the worst.

[@weakspirit_]

@TheSpikeDevice_Omlet but if ye fight and if ye lose, we will -struggle snuggle- the captain while others watch.

[@TheGroundedCoffee]

Man CGP Grey has such an awesome way with words. Every sentence or block of sentences is so carefully arranged that it takes quite some views to uncover them all.

[@1KosovoJeSrbija1]

he even added ballasts in his cross sections, now that's dedication.

[@ashgreninja7521]

I don't speak naval language. Please explain

[@ThomasNing]

@@ashgreninja7521 I believe he's referring to the rocks at 0:32, they're weight to keep the ship bottom-heavy and stable I believe.

[@thomasvlaskampiii6850]

@@ThomasNing You would be right. It also helps keep the ship lower in the water as hollow wooden things tend to float and thus become top heavy and tip over. Bad day for ship builders

[@TheOtherKT]

@@thomasvlaskampiii6850 That makes me wonder, do they ever have to adjust how much weight is down there based on how much cargo the ship's holding at a given moment?

[@gokbay3057]

@@TheOtherKT ballast is in general adjustable

[@shrimplysuperior]

The fake guns just feels like a massive mind-game. I can imagine a pirate ship getting blown to smithereens by falsely believing guns to be fake, or a pirate ship revealing an entire row of guns that turn out to be fake.

[@Zach-mw5so]

Chances are that merchant ships pretended to have more guns than they actually had. With so many merchant ships in a nation’s fleet, it would’ve been extremely expensive and counterproductive to outfit each of them with 30-40 guns each. Naval ships on the other hand, could look like vulnerable fat merchant ships, and with a trained crew, blast away at the pirate ship.

[@Pwn3dbyth3n00b]

CGP grey has put out more videos this year so far than he did in 2017-2019

[@Backinblackbunny009]

Plus one to the pandemic keeping him home and busy

[@sam08g16]

Must be a trap, keep yer eyes open

[@sickerpuppies]

All hail patreon :)

[@KjeldSchmidt]

Is that true? That can't be true, can it...? (maybe counting gaming...?)

[@Pacster15]

"If ye fight and if ye lose, we will torture crewmen to death while others watch." I love how he just casually shifts to murderous in one second.

[@thiccnicc3657]

Alternate Title: CGP Grey flexes his alliteration and rhyming skills

[@thewrongonion]

didn’t even realize... now it’s bothering the hell out of me

[@steelfan81]

CGP Grey celebrates sea of thieves on steam, perhaps?

[@anotherfacelessuser]

Seriously. "A court of the captain where his crew can complain. Knowing this chance corrodes a captain's confidence in command, given the crew's critique of his conduct could conclude his career." That's 30 words, 50% alliterated. Impressive.

[@AndyZach]

He's preparing for his rap career.

[@wediscoit1989]

@@AndyZach didn't he make a rap song once?

[@chgeri2232]

I still have no idea what this guy's channel is actually about

[@DaMu24]

Everything you want to know but didn't know you wanted to know.

[@timothymonk1356]

@@DaMu24 Few channels better scratch that itch for profound novelty

[@Cryothia]

Yes

[@TreyGamr58]

The best random edutainment on the platform

[@HebrewsElevenTwentyFive]

It be providing proof pertaining to Epstein's predicament.

[@GibusWearingMann]

"Booty be licious." - CGP Grey, serious educational youtuber

[@DutchBlackMantha]

2:03-2:20 Pay attention to the music. You probably didn't notice the first time you watched it, but touches like that really help with the atmosphere.