Chidera Eggerue - Why Women Are Saying No To Traditional Roles!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

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[@ruth-annwilliams8495]

I loved your demeanor in this interview. I feel like a lot of times women with different perspectives that are outside of societal norms are attacked in these spaces. You were very emotionally secure, listened to her differing opinion although you may not have agreed and most importantly you were respectful I wish to see more interviews like this!. It was so good.

[@YahweIsDead]

​@@ruth-annwilliams8495WOMAN IS A TRUE GOD. YAHWE IS HER SON. HE STOLE HER HERETIGE AND CREATED PATRIARCHAL.TYRRANY. THATS WHY TRADITIONAL ROLES ARE SATANISTIC. CHRIST IS NOT A ROLE MODEL. MARY MAGDALENE WAS ACTUAL CHRIST!!!!

[@LisaLashaLeigh]

Done Paul. 0glad I found this channel, I usually only listen to your podcast on Amazon Music. It's nicer to watch and see who your talking to. I totally resonate with her, I'm not feeling so alone now knowing being Asexual is absolutely fine ❤

[@YahweIsDead]

@LisaLashaLeigh MANY MALES GONNA BE ASEXUAL TOO FOR APARENT REASONS OF THEIR DEPRAVITY AND YOU DONT NEED OTHER PEOPLE TO FEEL FINE ABOUT ANYTHING!! REMEMBER THAT👏🏼🙌🏼💪🏽

[@SharonA_14]

As a first born daughter from an African-British household, being with a man demands too much of me. I have already been raised as a second mum by parents from a young age to take care of siblings, it’s mentally exhausting. So unless a man wants to be with me to help make my life easier I’m not interested. I’m good on my own, prove to me that being with you is beneficial.

[@KushQueen9]

Don't blame you! Why should women be expected to be with a man who adds no value?

[@faatimahtucker870]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/q2e1nWp8qriLrqM

[@psat21]

I AM YOU; YOU ARE ME. I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME WAY

[@coconuttrees]

SAME PREACH

[@YoniGateKeeper]

🙌

[@hajalameh]

Am 45. A 50 year old man proposed to me clearly telling me he wants me to be close to her 70 year old mom who is a a stroke survivor. I make double what he makes and work full time. I rejected him right away. Mutual friends convinced me to talk to him more. I did for six months and walked away for good. Nothing in there for me except to cook and clean after him and his mom, fulfil his sexual needs and pay my own bills too because he keeps calling me boss babe. I blocked him and his mom. I was an idiot for wasting six months and not trusting my instincts.

[@gillbenjamin47]

Good! Value yourself always

[@JeanRhodaNambassa]

Good for you

[@oyandakona5994]

You did good

[@Musa93]

Clapping for ya 🤎🤎🤎 Dodged a stray or 2 😂

[@hassanatubah3595]

Thank you for sharing, setting boundaries and looking out for yourself.

[@BingingInPeace-ev3bp]

I agree with Chidera that investing in potential very rarely works. Shared values is key here. It’s smarter to select someone who can improve your life instead of dragging you down. There are tons of brilliant and good hearted people in the world who never rise above their circumstances and end up using women’s time and resources to live out a fantasy instead of taking action.

[@KADIMO_]

Only when you are poor at chosing the right partner. Many women go with mundane things and end up being blinded by the physical and sex over sustenance.

[@lisabrown7157]

We all been there u end up disappointed

[@ladybug3380]

@@KADIMO_parents aren’t teaching young girls how pick the right partner.

[@AliciaRIvory]

Parents are teaching, unfortunately they are also teaching people to deceive, pretend or be unaware...pretending to be the right partner.

[@Vavavoum-gr8]

Been a victim. Never again. Find your mate… on the same level whatever that means to you

[@feels1510]

I don't think we understand this huge offering of hers. Choosing to speak on these things on large platforms, accepting all the backlash that comes from it- all to show women around the world another way to operate. Her drive to uplift and empower comes from a pure place, and I so respect her for that.

[@ddanielsmc]

I can't see how you say it comes from a pure place. Do you know the quality of her character? How many parents would actually want their sons to marry a woman like this? She referred to men being a conveyor belt to her, to get what she wants. Imagine a man saying this?

[@alexissanchezbro]

She is trash, but this generation have no shame. Just Lust and greed

[@boochi7087]

​@@ddanielsmcGood thing she's not looking for approval from these men or their mothers. You really watched the entire video and didn't catch that - stop being slow and use your brain a bit.

[@user-wz3rz1zk7z]

There are men who do say things like that about women and their life experiences justify it. To each their own. There's a platform for everyone.

[@stynicee7964]

I just love this interview. She is speaking facts as unfortunate as it sounds. I feel like she’s saying that we as women must pay more attention to the reality of the world we live in and move accordingly. We can consider “love” but it must include the practical in addition to the emotional.

[@kwameopoku3576]

Facts to u?

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

As someone who has been in a relationship for 16 years, married for 12 of those years, you are absolutely correct. I have been on a journey that has taught me a lot about how men operate, and how women's desire to be loved solely has betrayed them time and time again. I was one of those women. I wanted from my husband what he could not deliver unconditional love. I had to seek it from within and set boundaries being very intentional on what I would and would not approve. It took action of me changing and my new definition of self love to see this. Men are very conditional and love through the lens of how it benefits them first and foremost. If they value you, they will invest in you. Don't get me wrong my husband loves me and puts me and our daughter first. I am also very well looked after and do not have to worry financially, however, I fully understand that because it benefits him also to look after me, it makes it very easy for him to do so without resentment, because he is naturally a nurturer and that extends beyond financially. What Chidera is speaking on is correct, she understand the psychology of men and patriarchy and is intelligent to use it to her benefit.

[@stynicee7964]

@@kwameopoku3576 Yes to me and a few others out there. As I’m the only one I can control then that’s all that matters to me.

[@diamcole]

@@kwameopoku3576 No shit lol. Does someone speaking for themselves need to include that kind of disclaimer? Reading comprehension is in the toilet. 🤣

[@orfordwolf5409]

@@stynicee7964 State they are facts according to you and a few others then. It sounds like you are speaking for everybody otherwise🙂

[@belle8734]

“Dating is a Choice & It’s important to interrogate those choices” for me resounds with Stevie Wonders lyric “When you believe in things you don’t understand.. you suffer”

[@ball-rf6zf]

You missed out superstition ain’t the way at the end of it.

[@ameera.abubakr]

@@ball-rf6zf love is very superstitous

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@ameera.abubakr love is suspicious not superstitious

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@ameera.abubakr love is suspicious not superstitious

[@khadijaknox2734]

This was a great interview. She has become one of my most favorite people to listen to. Chidera is saving lives of women across the world!

[@SD-bw4rn]

I really wish more women really knew their power!

[@khadijaknox2734]

@ Same! Unfortunately we’ve been socialized to not use it for our benefit. For those of us who have learned about our power and how to use it to our advantage. We have a duty to teach those willing to listen and share information to those who are unaware. Women are worth more than gold

[@melissamillion6869]

@@khadijaknox2734 I love your comment. I too love listening to Chidera because she helps me stand in my power, rather than be in a position of fear, pain and despair. My boyfriend obviously thinks otherwise upon hearing my thoughts and hopes I stop listening to these 'feminist rituals' 😂I dislike that standing up for yourself as a woman and demanding your needs to be met is framed as being problematic.

[@EssentialHealthwithAmanda]

​@@melissamillion6869💯✨💗your bf better be careful, he is saying things that make him sound like an ex boyfriend 🤣🔥❤️

[@Papiup18]

​@@melissamillion6869demanding your needs to be met to a man who is trying to work with you is counterproductive. You do better being single.

[@heather5610]

Really enjoying this interview. Chidera's comparison of marriage to the lowest paid form of sex work, it is so valid. So many men believe they are owed sex and and cleaning and cooking and children and that women should be happy to just be asked to enter this arrangement because they are a 'high value' man. If women don't fawn over them and flock to them, men are disgruntled. Women just want to be safe and be respected. I really respect women who opt out of this system and build sisterhood with their friends, reject the idea that we are meant to have children and reject the current system in all its forms.

[@wirralh770]

The high value man wants a high value woman, not an entitled average one who thinks she's a prize

[@EssentialHealthwithAmanda]

I agree 💯 here with you. Lots of comments agree and a few expectedly defensive - because how scary to have women finally know their worth and act on it ❤

[@wirralh770]

@@EssentialHealthwithAmanda Bemusing not scary. Worth is mostly determined by what someone is prepared to pay for it. Otherwise it ends up on the reduced items shelf.

[@EssentialHealthwithAmanda]

@@wirralh770 you find it bemusing for women to know their worth? Are you ok 🤣

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

@@wirralh770 You've seemed to conveniently forget that women collectively bring far more value than any "high value" man full stop. Life starts and stops with us. Your so-called "average" woman can determine as to whether future generations will exist. Men are not the prize collectively. The "high value" ones offer security and stability financially, and even with that being said, women today are ensuring that they secure their own financial futures

[@wahoo4uva]

people don’t like it when others challenge or don’t go along with the social norms they’ve accepted, succumbed to, or that they even want for themselves - whether conforming to those norms actually works for them or not. we don’t like it when people deviate from the crowd/majority. it can be confronting. and it shows in some of these comments. that’s humanity for you, though: “be like me so i can feel comfortable with myself, my choices, and with you.” it’s refreshing to see honest, self-aware, open-minded comments here too!

[@DeeperThanMyThoughts]

Comeplety agree!

[@SharonA_14]

@wahoo4uva Facts on facts!!!

[@ChelseaDust-wg6pf]

yes ! i find her viewpoints inspiring - even though she presents the complete opposite of my choice

[@accordingtojane9796]

Facts

[@LalaDepala_00]

I've loved many men and my dream was to find a good man, marry and have kids. But men always took advantage of me. That is why at 33 I have given up on men. No more wasted effort, cooking food and waiting for him to be 2 hours late, getting insulted and abused and cheated on. The rest of my life is for me.

[@ball-rf6zf]

Male here and I can say exactly the same. The more I did the more disrespect I got. The last serious one I had cheated on me with her ex who she said used to beat her and stole her money.

[@dre22]

@@ball-rf6zfMake better choices

[@happinessisharmony4522]

No there is good men… you chose your partner wrong. It is your fault. Become a good decision maker and you find a good man😊.

[@LalaDepala_00]

​@@happinessisharmony4522People lie. A lot. Men don't say "hey I am going to abuse you" when you are dating. If I am wrong for chosing the wrong man, but you can't blame the man for abuse, you are a bad person. You would never blame a man for "chosing wrong", you would blame the woman.

[@LalaDepala_00]

​@@ball-rf6zfLet's hope that all the people like me and you eventually find eachother! 😂

[@Ruby-kr6fh]

I have seen this girl around before and previously wrote her off because sometimes I find her rhetoric/delivery inflammatory and separatist. In general, I have a hard time resonating with world views that frame men and women in competition with one another. I was surprised to see how much I agreed with some of her takes here. I think it made a big difference to have had an interviewer who received her perspective with genuine curiosity and openness, it made for a stimulating conversation and opened my mind as well.

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

Starting a Petition for the Paul and Chidera talk show 🎙️

[@fionagallagherapologist5968]

absolutely !! the interviewer was wonderful

[@MrsBalfour2U]

Watch her podcast interview with Zeze Mills. That sealed it for me.

[@roseeze166]

I agree. I don't really care for her

[@warmlavender5525]

@@WeNeedToTalk-PodcastI actually would listen to that!

[@crestarose]

I’m 5 minutes in and I feel SO seen already my word! This is game changing for young black women!! Thank you for this!

[@kingtchala6832]

What does this mean exactly? I'm just curious?

[@Maryanne_Muthoni]

1:07:00 she just described something i have been struggling to explain about my sexuality, I could go even 3-5 years without sex, i am not driven by sex, i am still attracted to men but i won't have sex with you unless i really get to know you. It's not something i will rush to, i am honestly more drawn to things like hand holding, hugging, cuddling, not really sex, more of intimacy

[@MagentaPrincess]

I am like that too and i wish that i could meet a man who would be patient with me but in this generation men like to move too fast

[@Maryanne_Muthoni]

@Kanji220 yes, that's my exact problem, they just want to rush into sex or they make things sexual so fast which is so awkward and a turn off, I'm just staying completely single now

[@ddanielsmc]

​@@Maryanne_Muthonithere are men out there who are in the same camp as you. They will respect your boundaries. I was more than happy to do so for my wife. Keep your spirits up!

[@Esme26433]

I even think we are happier with those things because they are rewarding. Actual penetrative sex is mostly only rewarding for the man.

[@thembekadorcaskhumalo866]

I have been told I am weird, I also thought I was weird. I cannot sleep with a man just for the sake of it. There has to be a deep connection. And that's why I'm mostly single.

[@elleepiphany1]

What an incredible conversation! I was happily surprised to see that she was a guest because while she has unconventional views, she's super intelligent and well-informed, so her perspective can add insight and dimension even if you disagree -- unless you're being completely close-minded. Definitely sending this to some people to watch because there's so much to bite into here.

[@benola5977]

She is incredibly intelligent, whether you agree with her or not

[@kwameopoku3576]

Long time Do u agree with her

[@ashfoyowa6689]

She's really not

[@fruitypopwhickle6806]

​​@@ashfoyowa6689 How intelligent are you, to be watching someone you regard as not intelligent? Just say you're dripping with envy...

[@gilbertomaradona9862]

She's incredibly intelligent to dumb people

[@gilbertomaradona9862]

Intelligent but broken therefore applying her intelligence in the wrong way because of it

[@minkagaston]

Chidera is absolutely right about most of this. And I get that things turned out well for his wife cashing out her retirement...but that is indeed an exception and I wouldn't suggest any woman doing that. Women are always pushed the exception and thats what most women chase at detriment of themselves.

[@lapril95]

Absolutely, I would never DREAM of gambling my retirement on a 25 year old boy. Very lucky for her that this paid off it could have been awful!

[@iwasbornunderwater]

For every one of his wife, there's 5 women who lived to regret that decision. I'm not taking that risk. Ever.

[@sunlight8299]

Time will tell if she is the exception... As Chidera said it was a huge gamble.

[@Tee-Star]

I would never ...

[@afroaffirmation]

@@iwasbornunderwater 35 women

[@SD-bw4rn]

Chidera is amazing! She is a necessary voice for today's black woman. And yes the host is an outlier of men. Most women who build a bear, end up getting cheated on and left when that man is built.

[@cheriew2512]

Absolutely 💯

[@MsLotusBlooms]

Only if I meet him when I don't have anything either.

[@shawnlove4502]

She's incredible, and i feel seen now that as I've grown, i have less desire for relationships and i thought something was wrong with me. But it is okay to live your life in a way that works for you.

[@lapril95]

A wonderfully articulate and radically self-advocating woman. Very inspiring and im so excited about this next wave of feminism for what it means in the day to day lives of women. A lot of people seem to like hearing from her while saying "even though I dont agree with all the things she says". I'm really curious which specific parts of what she is saying people actually disagree with, including Paul.

[@funsowaters]

I think it’s in how she says it. I appreciate her mind and the perspective she brings to things but it’s all a touchy subject. Human beings are selfish and if we (men and the society) can be open-minded to an equally beneficial relationship; we would see she isn’t far from the truth

[@SummerTyme2023]

Me. I am also one of those who do not agree with everything thing she says. I think for me, it is the shock that I actually agree with more than I am willing to admit. I am still working this out with myself. Excellent conversation 👏🏿

[@ddanielsmc]

I don't agree with her view on men only helping if there is something in it for them. I've helped many people, friends, family and strangers. To say that's part of the Patriarchy I find strange. Isn't it human nature to help others. To give an example like they're doing just to try and sleep with her is ridiculous. The last person I helped was a woman struggling with putting a trolley back at IKEA. It was only after I asked if she wanted help and she agreed, that I saw she had a prosthetic arm. I'm pleased I helped her. I did nothing but help someone who was struggling. Also, she really falls down on wanting men to support financially. She's clear she wants to build her own empire and not his. I honestly run if I saw this attitude. She refers to traditional norms for women however, how does she know they are being fully observed. Some countries and cultures work differently. I see plenty of men from where I'm from do the majority, if not all, the cooking. I like when you say she's 'self-advocating'. I say something else... She's trying to paint a picture of financial gain for women being almost honourable. It's only about her gain. This isn't a good sign at all.

[@getgot3461]

​@@ddanielsmc Why would financial gain for women be dishonorable? Rules for thee but not for me huh? Lmao do y'all even hear yourselves? Women have every right to aspire to building their own empire as much as men

[@ddanielsmc]

@@getgot3461 isn't being in a relationship being a team? Isn't there a mutual interest. She doesn't say so, it's all.about her. Perhaps she's aromantic.

[@stef3337]

Chidera thank you for speaking the truth, i am so happy living alone, I found my life purpose and I spend my days painting, creating and taking care of my kids. I found marriage to be draining, constantly trying to please and give in every sense and that never being enough. I think the key to happiness is finding purpose, you can have many wonderful relationships and even intimate moments that don’t require you to be married❤

[@kittykaterickson]

I love that Paul understands the value of having an open, observant mind and giving us the opportunity to look at ourselves to see why some things don’t sit well. Then and only then can we choose to release projection and invite ourselves in to respect and have more compassion for others.

[@Warlywoo]

I love Childera, she’s a fresh breath of air in a world which is middle class, polite feminism.

[@desriescott3431]

I thoroughly loved Chidera, what an amazing woman. The interview had me hooked and loved the thinking outside box with such precision and articulate with her word. I was devastated that the interview came to an end. Really appreciated this!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

So happy you enjoyed! 🙌

[@pmirv6884]

I was married for 17 years to a woman who was a lying manipulator. I filed for divorce just before Covid started. Best decision of my life. If I stayed married, I would have had to work probably until the day I die. Now after 5 years of being single, I’m looking at early retirement. It’s amazing how much money you spend on, or because of a woman.

[@eileenwatt8283]

Lucky you got away. Ah if she got sick you would be broke and broken Medical bills are costly and taking care of her is time consuming is mentally and emotionally draining.

[@1720-l8e]

The interviewer is beautiful, gorgeous, refreshibg and honest. He was able to state he disagreed without tearing her apart or engaging in a battle of opinions. . She left as she came ..in tact in her own world. I have subscribes. I dont even know how this video camenup on my feed because I stay away from any sort if topic that features dominitrix. But hey, I watched the whole bloody interview. Power to this lady, she sooke her truth and held her own. Beautiful

[@phoenix_jackson]

Absolutely loved this because I am the ONLY woman I have heard say that women are higher than men.

[@xoeyeam]

yes, we are indeed! i love her

[@selfishgirlsgofirst]

That's crazy. Because we clearly are. That's why there's so much emphasis on dominating women and making us believe that we need to be led ,control, shamed and be attached to a male to have some kind of worth. The amount of abuse women and girls go through in this world. Is all to make women feel small and not to be empowered.

[@Jamhael1]

​@@selfishgirlsgofirst and yet, how in the end every single attempt of "empowerment" of 3rd Wave Feminism backfired in the most dramatic and unpredictable manner?

[@phoenix_jackson]

@@selfishgirlsgofirst Exactly! People struggle to hold down those that they fear or that they can't understand. There is womb jealousy and so much more. We are the givers of all life.

[@harounk8849]

So go build some shit

[@AkireMaru]

I find her to be very manipulative…starting with an indirect suggestion that her parents breakup was a result of her mom and then going all the way down to her representation of the role of men and women. On no earth is a man just expected to exist and put his briefcase down. Good men actually contribute and a good man will protect his family with his life. Her idea of feminism is spending a man’s money? She makes it seem like all her examples only apply to women, when there have been men who sacrificed for women and got shafted. This girl is childish at best and an idiot at worst. Her simplistic notion that men are lonely because they deserve it is also childish. I know many great, wonderful men who are lonely and not by choice. It’s not something to laugh at. I think she is delusional. She wants to marry…Maybe she can find a top 5% man with that mindset, and who appreciates her own, but I’m betting she won’t.

[@Lady.2411]

Calm down, stop with the insults. Did you see her use any abrasive words? Ad hominem attacks are not necessary. If you are a woman you are only proving her point that your world revolves around men, if you are a man understand she has never said all men but the general expectation Of men and women in society which would mean a majority and not full fledged reflection of all men or all women. But mostly calm down and talk with grace like she does

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@Lady.2411you can’t know Eggerue very well. She almost certainly must have been told to tone it down because she is highly offensive to both males and females who don’t see eye to eye with her. Google her tweets about males who committed suicide.

[@s-for-4501]

I am 70 years old and have never been married or cohabitated with a man. I was never able to verbalize my relationship beliefs as Chidera has done. As high income earner since my early 20s, I felt that my relationships, if I married, would always be me working and contributing more financially, taking care of the home chores and taking care children. I did give up the "love" they offered but I didn't think it was a fair trade. My life has been and continues to be wonderful.

[@Emptytopfloor]

I aspire to be like you. 😊

[@eileenwatt8283]

Same here. The life I created for myself would not have been possible with a husband regardless if he had money. I would be living in his world by his rules, compromising, adopting, adjusting going along to get along just to keep him happy while giving up my dreams. I'm medically healthier being single. I see how sick older married women are who are in long marriages and it doesn't accrued to them the marriage is the cause of their illnesses.

[@charlotte-x7t]

This was a lovely, lovely watch. I only saw snippets of her commentary on social media but in full conversation I agree with almost everything she speaks on. Compliments to the interviewer as well. So much value in genuine conversation between empathetic, inquiring adults. As for the topics: I once read “question everything” as advice for daughters and to date I think it’s some of the best advice I’ve heard.

[@MrsBalfour2U]

If I’m in a relationship with a man who possesses certain traits but seems to need my financial support to thrive, I’ll approach it as a business transaction. I would act as the investor, and we would formalise our agreement with contracts to ensure I benefit from any success that arises from it.

[@Zi65-v7v]

Estranged from my Nigerian parents too!! And entire family. So grateful for Chidera spreading light on that topic ❤️‍🔥

[@linellinel.]

I wasted 25 years of my life trying to please my Nigerian parents and family members. Never again. This is the end.

[@aoifem490]

I always always value Chidera’s thoughts, even if I don’t always agree with her opinions. I’m so glad you had her come on here Paul❤️ the conversation duo the world absolutely needed👌🏻

[@PhullBodied]

such an unexpected but pleasant surprise guest!! love slumflower she's going places and I love that for her

[@lucerorodriguez6842]

❤❤❤ been a follower of her and her books for a couple of years. Her work along with therapy, reading, decentering men, meditation, and yoga helped me heal and get into my inner power. ♥️

[@EssentialHealthwithAmanda]

Cheering for you Queen! 👑🔥✨✨❤️❤️❤️

[@TheJoyNichelle]

Looooooove this! Thank you so much for elevating her movement and having capacity for this conversation. Especially as a black man. This is so awesome! 👏🏾

[@nomaswazisibanyoni5949]

Assets matter - the free labour women provide in marriages demands some "payback"!! Pauls situation with his wife is exceptional - definitely not the norm!!

[@ball-rf6zf]

The guys you set your worth at ain’t asking you out bby

[@yaee123]

@@ball-rf6zfand? So what. Hold firm and to what is a non negotiable

[@nomaswazisibanyoni5949]

@@ball-rf6zf Oh gosh - you didn't have to respond.... You're exposing yourself

[@nathansellars3757]

Women will say "free labour" at the same time as paying no rent or other bills😂 that is your payment you clowns

[@ddanielsmc]

Plenty of men cook, clean, iron etc. Where I'm from It's common. This is the solution for the men. Not paying out in assets. Chidera seeks money and power.

[@warmlavender5525]

Chidera I have followed you since 2018! Love you down. 💓 Paul I have never watched a video of yours before this but you are a great interviewer! The way you talked with Chidera was so engaging and your respect for her came through so clearly. I’m a new subscriber!

[@chez4648]

First 20 minutes and I've learnt so much! Paul is a great interviewer, he allows guests to answer fully and his questions are so relevant.

[@jemba5584]

As a young guy who never got women and resented them because I felt like I wasn't good enough I can see a lot of what she said applies to both genders and men and women lack empathy and don't understand that we both have very similar problems with people not a particular gender.especially what she said about sacrificial love, like guys dont sacrifice the same things for love. I thought to get love I had to approach 1000s of women and its too exhausting on my mental health. Now I don't do this or expect women to be anything.

[@JaDawn-w7q]

For better or for worse I will love my husband. Her only love is for herself and money.

[@Petunia81]

I've never watched your videos and I appreciated that you treated her with the utmost respect, and listened to understand and learn vs listening to respond, or to judge/ make her feel like she must justify her lifestyle to you vs sharing it. I also loved your level of enthusiasm and curiosity! You all have a great rapport, and no one would think this is the first time you've spoken. My only constructive criticism is that I would have loved to listen to Chidera, the BDSM expert in this exchange, give the definition of BDSM. That would have created an opportunity for the audience to be taught new information with all of the experience, context, insight, and nuance she brought to the answers of each question you posed. Great interview.

[@theincrediblemj7304]

I think Chidera is intelligent and beautiful. Whilst some of her views are genuine concerns that women need to process. Some (not all) of her views on men are largely unbalanced and bias. And I get it. But we cannot have a better world if we continue to pander to women’s needs ALONE. Men and women need each other and the earlier we treat ourselves that way the better for all of us. PS: I am a married woman, I am not enslaved neither am in bondage. Thanks 🙏

[@LowkeyAlchemy]

This was my first time watching this podcast but I'm a long time supporter of Chidera and all of her iterations. Her books and online presence have helped me demand more from romantic prospects, and reframe my approach to money and men. Chidera is a truth teller! This conversation was so beautiful, Paul your speaking voice is incredible! So relaxing to listen to you both, as you both are brilliant and open-minded! ❤

[@happilydivorced3235]

His voice is soooo soothing. 💚

[@honeybabe07]

Good girl! And she’s clear and concise. Peckham really birthed some greats ❤

[@Eguwe-c7l]

This discussion has introduced me to two wonderful individuals who are capable of having difficult conversations by listening to each others point of views and seeing the world from a different perspective. I often find that the negative connotations from individuals who view these discussions as problematic are not only missing out on knowledge, but rather they miss a chance to critically think for themselves and form their own opinions of a heavily patriarchal societal ideology.

[@ndumifakudze]

I just love how smart she is man. Wow. I've loved her since 2018. And even though this dominatrix era of hers is something I cannot relate to, I just still love her mind and how she expresses herself ❤

[@darlingtiarabrands4074]

Brilliant conversation, I’m so glad you had her as a guest. It’s an opportunity for us to really listen to her as a thought leader. Her podcast is much more abrasive which I also enjoy. But this allows her to connect her views and brand to the systems of sexism/patriarchy that leads to violence against women. So women do therefore have to be careful/strategic about who we partner with in a violent/transactional society. She’s a gem! And so is your podcast Paul!

[@msteaguer1908]

My late cousin educated me as an older teen, "Never marry to far above you or below you." She was correct.

[@wirralh770]

*too

[@eileenwatt8283]

That sounds like "just settling"

[@gutherema]

Daaaaaamn. That was an enjoyable and thought provoking experience. Paul lead the conversation in love and curiosity. I learned more from the dynamics here because you are both powerful beings than the contents of the interview. You summed it up well. We learned the importance of the following: 1. Self love and setting high standards 2. Open communication and clear boundaries 3. Listening to perspectives we do not agree with - grows open mind, respect and compassion

[@YoniGateKeeper]

This was Soooooooooooo FUN to listen to! Omgggg!! So provocative. Thank you for taking the leap and inviting her in she was amazing & unique❤

[@leticiabrowne]

I enjoyed this interview. I’ve only ever seen clips of Chidera on Shadeborough so a very limited view. She’s highly intelligent and thoughtful, naturally limited by her limited life experience but she is open to alternative views and Paul handled the conversation with grace. He took the opportunity to educate her without belittling her …. 100%

[@rachelx230484x]

Great insight into a world I am totally uneducated in. So much truth in her words but also feels so alien! As I get older I can really see how all of us are fixed in this specific roles that in our modern world really are nonsense! I do love being married though ❤

[@ashaalexis418]

I adored this interview. I pray that her voice and more conversations like this are amplified. Wonderful interview.

[@funsowaters]

I’m more in love with the commentary and how Paul finds a way to explain perspectives better cos it’s important not to be distracted with who the messenger is or how it is being delivered. Let’s focus on the message and let’s be open minded to see how life can be better for both parties in a romantic partnership.

[@Saulus-v5p]

My father always say when there is life there is hope I never go to prostitutes because it's way too expensive when you can get it for free. Back then in the 80 in Nigeria ashawo was only three naira for 30mins.

[@eileenwatt8283]

It's not free. You have to take her out to dinner, buy her gifts, call her.

[@Saulus-v5p]

@@eileenwatt8283 I dont have to I choose to.

[@jatiquedailey3823]

You just made her point . Free sex work . And they wonder why marriage rates are dropping

[@HeyHeyForMe]

Great interview! Slumflower is a force and while i don't agree with some of her views .... I do get in patriarchal world why her views exist, it's to combat what's going on with men targeting women and other social issues and she definitely brings conversation to the forefront

[@shadeofpink1]

Wow amazing podcast and a very thought provoking podcast.I feel empowered as a woman listening to Childeria. Taking back your power as a woman in society is so refreshing to listen to.

[@phillipsaunders6176]

in truth she embodies the archetype of "Lilith", it is easy to see her femininity is inverted. if she doesn't heal from her traumas it for sure won't end well. it is unfortunate to see that she doesn't understand the distructive ramifications of being a dominatrix. she doesn't realize that she is trauma bonding with her clients men that are just as damaged as she is, these men she attracts are reflections of her inner turmoil. she has become the abuser because she has been abused, and the cycle deepens unfortunately not for healing but for destruction. the praise for her position I see in the comments is truly sad.. honestly I hope she changes for the better.

[@boochi7087]

You're being condescending, derogatory, and dismissive of her as a man because she's very much contrary to the patriarchal norms you benefit from! If you've never lived as a woman, and never been raised as a woman in a patriarchal society, then you have absolutely no merit or basis for misinterpreting her perspectives and trying to force your preferred analysis on her. I guarantee Chidera is more healed than you could ever be. Maybe you should consider therapy for why the things she had said in this interview evoke such negative and judgemental thoughts in you? Good luck!

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@boochi7087the high value man you think you deserve ain’t looking for you bby. Delulu influencer delulu followers

[@phillipsaunders6176]

⁠@@boochi7087it’s unfortunate that you’ve missed the point. It’s clear you’re offended.. but consult your conscience it will inform you. If you wouldn’t advise you’re daughter to be the same type of person she is which I can assume you wouldn’t, because deep down you know she is broken, Be honest with you’re higher self and explore those reasons. Much blessings to you.

[@boochi7087]

​@@ball-rf6zfI'm not looking for anyone, but I do have to remind you that your inadequacies in real life do not magically disappear because you're a mean person on the internet. You still have to leave this space and go cry about how miserable your real life is. I hope things get better for you. Good luck!!

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@boochi7087you’re not looking because you have accepted you ain’t gonna find 😂 My life is all good btw. I have got everything I need. I also travel a lot. I am no more mean than you are. It does seem you think you can say whatever you like and no one should say anything back to you. Aww 😭

[@YTPmjma]

She’s my spirit animal! Love this episode… thanks for the interview

[@10xEggs]

Thís woman is broken, truly broken. I hope she doesn't drag others down this broken trail - BUT she already has manipulated lonely men into sending her money in an abusive, demanding way - for her doing nothing. All the while being psychotic with 0 empathy for the loneliness empedemic for men (and related higher suicide rates).

[@timothykizito5900]

@@10xEggs I couldn't agree more. There are so many layers to what is ignorantly coming out of her mouth. She's indeed broken, traumatised, in denial and she's found ways to make money out of it, with a simple spin in it, and preying on other women's situations, she's an opportunist in away. Her lack of empathy and lack of accountability on her part shows how she's mastered the art of manipulation and narcissism. She's not to be celebrated in any way.

[@iwasbornunderwater]

Her childhood is exactly like mine. Exactly. I guilt tripped myself into talking to her again but haven't seen her face to face in 6 years. She's too old to change so I'm not going to force her. The weekly phone call to check on her will have to suffice.

[@Luvurselffirst]

This isn't easy. But you deserve peace. I'm here as well with my mother

[@thabangnaledii]

Her mind is switched on. Absolutely love this interview & her ! 🌹

[@UncommonSC]

This was a great conversation! I follow her on Instagram and, as you said at the end, she has a gift of elevating the conversation around women's experiences with men. Her voice is truly needed!

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

She does not speak for every woman but always beware of what can lurk within. A woman does not have to be beautiful to be a gold digger or to have ulterior motive as you can see

[@eileenwatt8283]

You missed her point. She's in a nutshell. men wants to take from women but give too little or have nothing to give but taking from women their energy, sexuality and just have to work in the home to keep that man happy while men are empty buckets in the marriage and expects women to fill their buckets.

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

@@eileenwatt8283 I haven't missed her point🙂

[@Gwen-v9v]

I am so happy to hear this podcast as I totally think so similar to this beautiful woman who believes in herself as a powerful person. Listening to her was like listening to my own voice speaking my truth. Unbelievable and awesome. Yes, it’s hard for many to hear the truth, challenging but you never get to know your full potential until you let go of needing someone or something to fulfill you a a woman in your full glory. God bless

[@boochi7087]

Me too!! Being a woman in a patriarchal society where men insist on dictating how we should be as women is the saddest thing. I stopped talking to a man because he claimed I was too much of a feminist, and I realized that he had the audacity to say that because I wasn't feminist enough. I enjoyed listening to this so much!

[@katt4170]

What an outside of the box thinker that really knows how to get our community to have hard conversations and debates.

[@rdsunshine34741]

Marriage is a contractual agreement, it always has been. I've never done it because I've never seen any reason to enter into a contractual agreement with the man i love. We keep our finances separate and keep our independence. We're together because we want to be, not because we're legally obligated to be.

[@abenaoffeh-gyimah8265]

Chidera, you are an absolutely clever, brilliant, and you are becoming everything life wants you to be. I am happy to follow your work and to witness your evolution❤.

[@buyop9441]

What a FASCINATING conversation! Wow! Didn’t agree with everything but agreed with a fair bit. But I was hooked from second one.

[@markschristjourney]

i don't even date in the uk anymore. I use my vacation days to travel and explore other options. I've never had success here and I cant see it getting any better.

[@desdior1207]

Same here in the US. I am waiting to graduate school to travel abroad for love

[@Thato48-fqncy]

Fantastic interview, it has to be harder to enter marriage and easier to exist….. 100% agree to this

[@ball-rf6zf]

She has made me very wary of caring for a woman.

[@tobtob7696]

She made some good points but clearly she is a biproduct of her childhood trauma. Which also affected her relationships with men and, in turn, shaped her views on men, marriage, and love. It is no coincedence that she becomes a dominatrix considering that she views men as oppressors. That is her way of "getting back" at men. The interesting thing is that the way she makes some of her dominatrix clients write essays to her is the same thing she did to her father lol. Making him first right an apology "essay" before he even gets a chance to speak to her. I hope she finds peace. I don't think she has it.

[@nicolem2877]

Getting back at or staying safe? Even the way we discuss these things reveals who we actually prefer to protect and prioritize!

[@tobtob7696]

@nicolem2877 ??? Who am I protecting?? I am just making an observation on how her trauma has affected her view on men and how she "protects" herself from men, including her dad. Nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I just believe some of the ways she goes about it doesn't show she has healed from her trauma. She literally said she sees women as being superior to men and her actions show that, and yet you don't see that as extreme or alarming? Instead, you are making excuses for her in the name of her "protecting" herself. This was never about me trying to protect men. It is about me pointing out the unhealthy ways in which she is dealing with her trauma and you defending her behind the wall of "safety" is actually concerning.

[@Ttk0_1]

She’s a Cringebag, why the paragraph

[@ddanielsmc]

​​tobtob7696 makes some fair comments for those of us unfamiliar with Chidera. She comes across as calm and considered, however, you can see the cracks. She's damaged and in need.

[@ddanielsmc]

tobtob7696 makes some fair comments for those of us unfamiliar with Chidera. She comes across as calm and considered, however, you can see the cracks. She's damaged and in need.

[@Chezzalicious]

what a great episode. first time listening to this podcast, never heard of Chidera, really enjoyed hearing her story and perspectives even the ones that I don't agree with. subscribed!

[@WeNeedToTalk-Podcast]

Welcome to We Need To Talk 💘

[@SilvanWoods]

I invested in and supported a man and he used his success to spend time with other women 😢 I am very glad to see a positive outcome from a good man so I don't feel so stupid. It wasn't my fault I was doing the right thing

[@ball-rf6zf]

I agree with you, it wasn’t your fault. While it’s natural to find others attractive, we can also choose not to cheat. This is why both men and women need to hold themselves accountable because we have a choice. I do hope a better door opens for you after that.

[@Jlagenii]

She reminds me of my ex. I was in love with that girl, but one thing i learned is some people are so damaged and traumatized it doesn’t matter what you do or how much you love them, it’ll never be enough and you can’t fix them. I hope she heals one day.

[@mcmtipsy]

Not only are you the wrong audience because you barely had enough comprehension for their conversation, you are also projecting to soothe yourself from the flawed past relationship you're referring to. You need as much therapy as you reckon ex does.

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@mcmtipsygive your head a wobble. Have you actually heard yourself

[@Jlagenii]

@ I’ll ignore the condescending comments you said and respond to everything else. I’ll give you that, that I’m probably the wrong audience. She made a lot of beautiful macro points about society and the institution of marriage but it doesn’t hold up very well in a micro situations. If you find someone that loves, and supports you and understands your POV, and ya’ll are married, how could you call that slavery? Or hold up this idea that you’re only in it to benefit you. In fact you end up becoming the narcissistic, self-serving men that you were fighting in the first place. I hope that was enough comprehension for you.

[@mcmtipsy]

@@Jlagenii the same situations you are categorizing as micro situations are most common and she(as well as myself) are often in spaces where a vast majority of women have experiences that conclude(and they themselves fully agree) that they are in fact no beneficial to them hence why she used terms such as slavery. My take from your comment since it was short, was that all she was saying were justifications to the toxic patterns that you alluded your ex engaged in. And if you were looking at her in relation to said ex, it would mean you missed her points. Chidera is aware of the exceptions and outliers, that doesn't take away from the general perception and experiences of women today, those before us and possibly the ones of tomorrow should the same ideologies that encourage these cultural and societal behaviors continue. I'm not aware of any parts where I was condescending,I apologize still. I merely commented based on the little information of what it is you got from this episode.

[@Jlagenii]

@@mcmtipsy I empathize with that and I’m sorry women like her and yourself went through those situations. A lot of her points I agree with. Marriage does uphold patriarchy in a lot of ways, and a lot of men operate in that way. In my experience what I’ve seen and the reason why I brought up my ex, sometimes a woman is so traumatized they don’t even know how to react when a man is good to them, and loves them for them and nothing else. I’ve seen these type of women self-Sabotage a good situation just because it doesn’t align with their initial presumptions. They know how to use a sword and shield so their equipped for traumatizing situations but, they don’t know how to put down down and operate without it when there’s no war to be had.

[@holistikkreyol8422]

She is one of the most inspiring woman I know! She is incredibly articulated. She helped me see the light and I'm grateful she could be uplifted in this conversation and be discovered on this large platform with an open minded interviewer. Plus, she's a beautiful creative and generous person! Thank you Goddess for all the women who still don't yet how you are participating in their liberation!

[@Nickywigs]

She should write a letter detailing what exactly her mother did to her to make her feel that way about her mother. FYI: believe it or not, her mother pushed her to where she is now.

[@jones2277]

Yes, and she’ll have a child who will say the same about her one day. Circle of life

[@adminRQ]

​@jones2277 bold of you to assume she wants children

[@justiceforthe3972]

@@adminRQ hopefully she does not reproduce

[@ball-rf6zf]

@@adminRQI sincerely hope she never has children. Especially a boy.

[@CreateWithAlmat]

As a First Born Nigeria Lady, I can totally relate to everything she said. In my case though I learned to put my foot down and set boundaries, still a working progress but it’s way better than before… I really appreciate your mind Chidera and how well you’re able to articulate your message, it stuck with me. Thank you ❤🙏🏻

[@sweetbutsaltycaramel]

I am in absolute awwe of this episode. I love both perspectives! Just beautiful!

[@gomolemokau3562]

One of the best interviews, the interviewer was impeccable, learning to listen to different perspectives however it also requires a deeply secure person to do this which the interviewer embodied, wonderful 🙌🏾

[@saulsaul6492]

SHE IS ALSO ON THE INTERNET SAYING WITH A LOVING SMILE HOW HER MOTHER TAUGHT HER TO LOVE HERSELF. SO HER MOTHER WAS HER INSPIRATION FOR HER BOOK AND HERE SHE SEEMS THE OPPOSITE. IS EVERYTHING JUST A MANIPULATION TACTIC TO HER OR IS SHE JUST SOME SORT OF MIXED UP LOST LITTLE GIRL?

[@JaDawn-w7q]

She repulse me

[@sharleenlorraine4072]

Great interview, looking forward to watching more

[@LeilaE-gi6zo]

Childera is very well spoken and knows how to conversate in an engaging manner. I can relate to a lot of her upbringing and fully understand the distance it can create between parents and children. I love my parents to death and maintain my relationship with them and will do forever, but it’s so hard to address things and to change your relationship. I was surprised she said her dad wrote the letter she requested especially being African, my father would see that as disrespectful, and now her father verbally expresses love, that’s beautiful.

[@mitchmvtch]

she is lovely! i loved this interview. very enlightening. her voice is for sure needed.

[@tumelothobejane4284]

If she wants a man that provides all those financial benefits, then what is she going to give him in return? She clearly doesn't want to be a homemaker... men are human too. I'm speaking as a daughter to my father, sister to my brother and aunt to my nephews. Imagine if a man was saying all the things she was saying 🤔

[@pmirv6884]

👏👏👏👏

[@lifeisfunny6486]

Men have a lower value than women so her contributions and his are not the same.

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

A woman like her has got nothing of worth to offer any man. She is selfish and thinks everything is about her.

[@debbiedawkins5366]

Hi, I'm super proud of u especially that u r a Jamaican. Continue to touch lives. Many individuals are broken and as such didn't get therapy because they don't even know they need it; as a result they end up having broken children and this brokenness cycle continues. Unfortunately, this cycle continue to persist and as you can see the domino effect. I hope, though, that Chidera and her family will get the therapy needed and will open the eyes of other families who would otherwise leave the planet without resolving this age old conflict. God bless u fellow Jamaican.

[@orfordwolf5409]

I am not a fan of Piers Morgan but someone like him would rip her feminist rhetoric to pieces. Paul has been a gentleman in letting her get on with it whilst at times seemingly respectfully disagreeing. It needs a strong interviewer who's not afraid to challenge her and cross examine her self serving hypocrisy. I cannot work out exactly what it is she actually stands for, other than money? For everything she rants about, she actually works with if she's paid enough. I cannot blame her parents or upbringing for this, because looking at her now it can't be ruled out that she may have been a handful for her parents; she doesn't seem to have matured mentally either.

[@showcase0525]

That's the different between a cross examination and a discussion. We do need more cross examinations. But to hear the full story, its discussions like this.

[@orfordwolf5409]

@@showcase0525 The full "her side" of the story

[@showcase0525]

@@orfordwolf5409 correct. Those are the views we need to see to scale the worldviews to then more accurately be able to engage in cross examination.

[@ayino.746]

THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING YOU CHIDERA

[@1116cinzia]

Omg my two favourite people in one podcast! HEAVEN ❤

[@katcharles6994]

I appreciate you really listening and being open to her because it allowed me to learn so much from this conversation and is feeding into my new desire to expect more from my romantic relationships with people who are more privileged than me in this world. I was already a fan of slumflower and now I’m a new fan of you 🥰

[@travelingsweetjollofmamas]

I love her!! SLUMFLOWER!!! She is the truth 🙌

[@oluwaseyidada7641]

Most African parents have never told their children they love them it's a kinda weird cultural thing. My dad never told me or my siblings he loved us until he passed but we never felt unloved. But I guess there's something different about saying it and hearing it and I plan to be different and be more vocal about it to my future kids.

[@kaysmellsgood]

36:54 lol that is such a huge risk... glad it worked out but please women no

[@Wande861]

Exactly!! Good for them but no!! This is how women choose hell with a possibility of heaven instead of avoiding hell all together.

[@heyitsmorenike_]

HONESTLY! Like the woman emptied out her RETIREMENT FUND for her husband’s business - that selflessness is to another level. That could have gone left but I’m glad it didn’t

[@AliciaRIvory]

So many women do this and lose so much.

[@bellavega8048]

It’s working out…for now. He could leave her tomorrow or 10 years from now. Hugh risk so I hope he repays what he owes.

[@ThestorytellerofKatunga]

Never. I can't do it.

[@KaceyGreene-cv1kh]

👏👏👏 she is my fave person on the internet

[@ijeomapatrick9151]

Even if I don’t resonate with everything said I loveeee how intelligent, eloquent and charming she is. Really interesting conversation

[@QueenJessica-z5j]

Cool-videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don’t know why I’m sharing this, (but I really miss him)

[@Throughviolaslens]

❤ I had something to say about this but speechless now and loved it.

[@beetee8798]

An excellent and serious conversation with many moments of levity. She has a naturally warm engagement style which actually reinforces the strength of her points.

[@ofc2024-zz6bt]

She is not being her natural self. She might have been told to tone it down.