When Your Partner Has A Crush | Chosen Family Podcast

[@kerizella]

"if you have a visceral reaction to the idea of your partner finding somebody else cute or having a crush, I would ask yourself about your own attachment or the trust that you have or don't have with your partner'' Alayna reading me to FILTH

[@LegallyLlama]

I’m here for two reasons - 1) my daughter identifies as a lesbian and 2) you are three incredible and incredibly funny ladies. I want my daughter to be like all 3 of you!

[@funkypigeondotcom7917]

Thats so sweet!

[@sarahm7086]

🥹🥹🥹

[@deannamiles6095]

I gotta apologize on behalf of oklahoma City. Ashley came during softball regionals, so a lot of our lesbians were at the games instead of at your show!

[@Zweigenhaft9]

That is unironically hilarious

[@davegrohlthecinnamonroll4495]

An idea for an episode on Alayna’s new pod: Ashley guest stars on an episode about ethical non-monogamy 👀👀👀

[@sergbastian5]

@2:40 is it just me or is "I'm not opening the oven. Not unless things are really bad" a Sylvia Plath suicide joke??? I laughed 😂

[@Koppy221]

thats what i thought of as well lol

[@Iiserkli]

Just read about her few days back and I thought I was the one noticing 😭

[@meelane]

Mal was such a ray of sunshine

[@Rebecca-tz8pz]

As a 22 year old, almost 23, who hasn't had their first kiss, I love Ashley's idea lol

[@skallywalla502]

I know someone who's 33 and never been kissed. She lives in conservative Canada and doesn't drive and she's only been on a few dates. She prob would never go for your show, Ashley, but I love the idea and you trying to help others foster connections with people. That's the vibe I get from it: you connect easily with other people, so you would be awesome at helping those who've struggled to connect find connection. ❤

[@krissicarsonart]

I just wanted to give some encouragement to Alayna. I have been following Alayna since her bi days. (My lesbian coming out timeline happened probably only months after hers.) Alayna is why I discovered Ashley and Mac. One of the things I love about following folks for a number of years is watching their growth as I also grow. When Alayna first mentioned she was going to start this upcoming podcast, I was so excited. I, too, am ready for good rich conversation. I have zero doubt that this podcast will be great. I'm no expert in interviews and podcasts, so my expectations will not be nearly so high as Alayna's, and it's a good reminder that that's likely true for most of her audience. Any conversations Alayna has on KZbin over podcasts or whatever are always so insightful. So I, for one, am so excited for this, and I KNOW she'll do great! I know this because I've been following Alayna long enough to see that she's got it in the bag.

[@fromalko]

Hearing Alayna talking about her upcoming guests for her podcast and what she wants to do on there made me dream of the day she has Esther Perel on as a guest. That'd be a powerful conversation of two people I adore and respect so much. I can't wait to see your greatness, Alayna!

[@JuMixBoox]

As a German, I definitely get the "I don't drink beer but I support it." I've never had a single beer, but I'll get in an argument with someone who says American beer is better than German beer or their regional beer is better than ours. It's totally better because it's bitter, you don't get it and I don't either.

[@kerizella]

What about : Belgian beer is better than German beer ?

[@nobarbie8748]

Lmao same

[@starz_z_z9309]

As someone who has never had their first kiss at 24, I laughed when Mac said that XD

[@SpaceyD]

I'm a mom to 4 kids and I know that at least 2 of them did not have a first kiss until their mid-twenties 🙂

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

the whole time Ashley's speaking ...chappell roan...chappell roan?...chappell roan...

[@RiverDoesTheThing]

I'd love if she was on the pod again, I could tell watching that one that she was out of it.

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

@@RiverDoesTheThing 100%

[@JanneBernards]

This was also the episode I immediately thought of. Mostly because a few weeks ago I saw something about how her career was blowing up and I thought: "where have I heard that name before?" (I don't keep up with pop music, so I'm always very late to these things) and then it clicked that it was probably on WHGS and then I rewatched the episode.

[@DesertIslandDisk]

That’s what I thought and honestly I didn’t even get very far through that ep cuz I didn’t feel super interested. Didn’t realize there was another element to it 😅

[@nicolegulino]

My thoughts exactly

[@juliasirotiakova7127]

Alayna describing not being able to sleep or feeling like puking when thinking about her podcast reminds me so much about my experience with school or facilitation work. For me, it's like I know I'm good at these thing or/and I know nothing will probably go wrong, there is no real danger waiting for me, but me body is still scared as hell. I hope Alayna will talk about this issue more, I'm curious to hear about how this thing develops for her.😇

[@CassidyQuinn]

Alaynaaa!! I know you didn't ask anyone for advice (besides Ashley!), but I just wanted to say, 1) you are going to CRUSH your podcast, just because you care so much and want to do a good job and are genuinely interested in the people you'll be talking too, 2) I absolutely get nervous before my pod interviews (I WAS SO NERVOUS BEFORE INTERVIEWING YOU LOLOL), so you're not alone in that. To me, that's just a sign that you're getting the right people on the pod, because you're pushing out of your comfort zone and getting awesome people on! One thing that sometimes helps me is setting aside time to prep for each interview, and then (as much as possible) avoiding thinking about that interview any other time lol. Because if I've set up a bunch of interviews, it's not helpful to stress about them all at the same time - I can only really prep for one at a time. So saying, ok, I have 2 hours to research + prep for this one, and then I'm DONE - sometimes that helps me, just to put a limit on it (knowing I still might do some overthinking LOL we love our anxietyyyyy!!). Also, I totally second what Ashley said - people LOVE to be fangirled over, and in your case, you are clearly intellegent, have a ton of great experience to back you up, are getting your MASTERS in this stuff, so it's not like your guests can be like, "ugh this is just an annoying fangirl!" lol. YOU DESERVE TO BE THERE!!!! Anywayyyyy can't wait to listen!! And GOOD LUCK!!!

[@luisamariarestrepo1]

I really appreciate the planning and discipline it takes to have an episode ready for us each week. I love the dynamic between the three of you.... Thanks for all your hard work! 💜

[@ironiceilidh]

as a whgs patron who sees the uncut videos… i definitely feel like i know who we’re talking about 👀

[@evano486]

Who?

[@summerkennedy348]

THE CICADAS WERE SO LOUD. I was so happy. I walked up to a tree covered in these bugs and it was so loud that it drowned out the thoughts in my head and I could be present. It was so weird and cool and I loved it.

[@summerkennedy348]

22:36 I wanna try improv. I don’t think I really know what it is. There’s a class right by where I am from. Channeling productive nerves sounds like a good skill.

[@summerkennedy348]

I’ve done stand up twice and I did it because I was so in my head (gotten broken up with) and I just needed to do anything to stop thinking about it. The day of I go “oh my god I’m doing stand up” and it grounded me it was great.

[@Hamakuacoastcreations]

Alayna, I struggled with sleep paralysis’s “hallucinations audio/visual ect” since I was a kid until I was about 26 years old. I am not an expert on anything but I haven’t had it in 6 years and when it comes up now I can shift the dream into something more positive. So one reframe to note is my sleep paralysis is just one emotional shift away from lucid dreaming. The fear feeds the fear in your dream. The shift that really helped me was as I would begin to see what was happening and I would think of someone or something that I have a deep sense of love and safety with. My dream protector and I would just see the image of that person or feel them call to them and just grow that sense of love within myself and the dream will shift I would even sometimes fly away. Shifting the fear into a sense of love and trust. When in doubt if you are terrified and recognize it’s a dream wiggle your toes this helps to wake your body up. I hope this helps and wish I could help more.

[@CourageousColor]

I love Mak's proud smile when Alayna get her email! So cute.

[@Mialotic]

About to go to a local trivia event “dress like pride parade” 💚 listening to Chosen Family on the way

[@monesquely]

I'm only a few minutes in and feel the need to pause to address the fact that it looks like Mak is floating....?! 🤔🤣

[@GrapefruitCat2]

So excited for Alayna’s podcast!!!

[@twildabuckingham]

"It's so toxic dude, it's so insane....it's so INTHANE...."😂

[@el_2904]

Ashley, I love your idea for getting people in their 20s to have their first kiss! It’s so true that it is always something inside the person that’s holding them back when they can’t be intimate with other people (from my own experience). It is great to normalise the fact that a lot of people haven’t had a first kiss or had sex in their twenties. If you could do the show so you’re also giving advice for how to be emotionally and physically intimate with people (including sex as well) I think so many people would benefit from that. I’ve had such a hard time connecting with people this way and I only realised as I got older that it’s to do with attachment trauma from how I was brought up. It’s a great idea if the point of it is to help these people and not make fun of them, which sounds like that’s your goal 😊

[@bilong92]

My girlfriend had her first kiss at 27 (me) so this idea is great and I think the age range should be like 20-30+

[@eyeseajujubee]

I was surprised Canada had Costco too. I’m feeling so sick and having a Chosen Family podcast episode is so nice

[@JuMixBoox]

Ashley, you can't get mad at Alayna for not listening to your podcast and then basically admit that you don't watch her KZbin videos because you don't know what Cut or Jubilee is! I loved this episode as always and am already so excited for you guys' new projects. Do the show, Ashley! Try it! It seems like you want to and if it doesn't work out, nothing is lost. And I wish I could help you get sleep, Alayna, but for now I can say that I will excitedly watch your podcast and from my standpoint it's awesome that it's becoming more and more real. You've got this!

[@hyleore]

the calling the police on the cicadas part reminded me of this news I saw from my country: they're drying a pond because the frogs were too loud and neighbours complained - frogs can be loud but it's only for a few weeks in the year :(

[@mariannetfinches]

Dude that sucks! What about protections for wildlife? People are bizarre

[@Raddiebaddie]

Nooo thats horrible!!

[@Athena6913420]

Alayna - regarding your anxiety triggering nightmares (or anyone else who goes through this), remember there is good stress and bad stress. Anxiety gets a bad rap sometimes. Sometimes it is just anticipation, or wondering how something unknown will go, but that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. It's like people who cry happy tears on their wedding day. It doesn't mean they are sad. Sometimes a little anxiety is a good thing. However, sometimes, especially when we are asleep and not able to explain to ourselves why we feel this way, our bodies just read anxiety as it has most commonly displayed for you. In your case, it sounds like you have had a lot of negative experiences with anxiety, so your body and mind associate anxiety with negative emotions and thoughts. Your brain tried to process all incoming information and stimuli from the day while we are asleep, so if your body thinks you have been going through negative anxiety all day, that is what it will portray in your dreams as well. Keep reminding yourself that this is good anticipatory stress about something you are excited about and that our minds fear of the unknown does not mean that you have to be afraid too. Maybe a little positive reinforcement, maybe meditation, whatever works for you, but reinforce to your mind that this will be a good thing, and the nightmares and hallucinations should dwindle. Hope this helps!

[@someone25915]

watching this rn while i kinda have to study for my clinical psychology exam i have in 2 hours wish me luck lol

[@wendydavidson1589]

you got this!!

[@foreverlistening]

All the best!!! I'm going to start my bachelors in psych in a week. Could you possibly give me any advice?

[@parmisvazifeh140]

Girl same... I have 2 tests tomorrow and an assignment due tonight... We got this we got this😂

[@someone25915]

@@wendydavidson1589 thanks :))

[@someone25915]

@@foreverlistening oohhh cool lol idk if i have any advice hahha

[@Crytotherhythm]

Ah sorry I made a comment on the quiet podcast guest story before seeing Ashley’s comment requesting that we don’t speculate names. Deleted, but that’s my bad. If it is who some of us think it might be though, I would love to see that second chance, but in person. I think sometimes people are extra awkward on zoom if they’re meeting someone for the first time. But it makes sense if this person has had a recent surge in popularity that you’re still getting comments all the time from her fans just searching her name who don’t realize what the podcast dynamic is usually like.

[@blakemtg47]

11:35 yes I am I was a cis man 9 months ago I am now a trans woman happy pride month 🏳️‍⚧️

[@yasman7609]

ayee proud of u!! happy u found urself

[@Kateee2005]

Congratsss💙🤍💗

[@mariannetfinches]

Happy Pride & congratulations on your transition 🎉

[@chelseababcock91]

Lol Ashley, I know exactly who you're talking about, and I agree with you. That one was rough to watch, and I think you did a fantastic job.

[@maf.eats2024]

Katy O’ Brian did a VERY GOOD JOB playing Jackie. 💕 As a butch lesbian it amazed me to see a fellow butch lesbian portray a more feminine character while still giving off the right amount of masculinity for that character. The movie itself is really good too! 💕 Also, sorry for my poor grammar. English isn’t my first language. 😂

[@spook6394]

Ashley the “getting someone their first kiss” has happened and it was CRINGE but I would LOVE to see it when it isn’t mortifyingly cringe and is actually a beautiful moment.

[@8infinite8possiblities8]

You talked about cicadas and crushes….both of those are references to Chappell Roan’s “Naked in Manhattan” so obsessed with that song right now 🥰🎶

[@sbark20]

Is that who the hung over quiet guest was too...?

[@Raddiebaddie]

@@sbark20maybe but we will never know because they respectfully censored it

[@LadleOfStew]

@@sbark20 She said she had alcohol poisoning in that ep and was quiet. I have seen recent comments from her new fans complaining about Ash not letting her talk. Weird lol

[@sbark20]

@@LadleOfStew so weird.

[@ashgavs]

@@sbark20 I'd rather y'all not speculate if that's okay. I don't think they're is any way to connect it back to this person given that I get harangued by comments constantly saying I'm too loud lol.

[@eeshagorti7630]

alayna is right, cut has done something very similar with capturing peoples first kiss on camera!! Ashley should check it out before doing her series

[@ultimately_incomplete]

I'm a 25 year old, turning 26 this year, and I haven't had my first kiss yet. But it's not because I don't want to. I just live in a very conservative country, I'm not out yet, and I don't have anyone even remotely gay here to kiss. So, I would love to be the first guest on your show, Ashley, thanks. 😅

[@mariannetfinches]

How conservative are we talking? Is step 1 going to have to involve emigration?

[@ultimately_incomplete]

@@mariannetfinches I could get jailed. That kind of conservative. And yes, step 1 would involve immigration lol

[@daynapooh]

Me and my 2 daughters went to Branson Missouri at the end of May and omg those dang cicadas!!! They were so loud and at night we had to run down the hallway to our hotel door because they were everywhere. One got in our room the 1st night and we had to have this poor old maintenance man come get it for us at like 11pm because we were freaking out. But Mak I thought of you while there thinking i was somewhat close to your hometown even though you don't live there anymore lol.

[@Bball100m25]

One of the best KZbin interview channels is Hot Ones. The host is so good. Maybe watch some of those to get ideas?

[@im_just_vidu]

"We use the oven for storage" Yesssss. My mom use it more like safety storage cuz we rarely bake things 😅

[@logan97327]

the hot teenage brother has to speak when the divorced parents keep going back and forth about having a back and forth convo. came from Spotify to comment this

[@canadianicedragon2412]

On the topic of "crushes" they are part of being a healthy functioning human. Now how you or your partner react to having one may or may not be healthy. I'd hope that in most cases you can have a conversation about them that doesn't make anyone uncomfortable.

[@bobsonny]

People who don't get crushes are healthy and functioning too

[@canadianicedragon2412]

@@bobsonny I didn't say, or at least didn't intend to say, they weren't. Though... thinking TOO deeply about it, someone who never has a crush, like ever in their life, might have an issue. My intent was to say, having a crush should not be a problem in a relationship if it is handled well by the people in the relationship. Cheating is one thing, as that is an act, liking people is a healthy human thing. And largely beyond our control. We cannot stop our emotions only our words and actions.

[@someonesomehow379]

9:12 my mind went to anticipatingly?

[@sarahm7086]

Alayna I feel like you’re so nervous because you want to do really well and maybe you feel like you’re not capable, good enough, etc. You’ve been having conversations with people your whole life, you know how to socialize and make content. This podcast will be good regardless of how hard you try, And if it starts out rocky or not exactly how you want - guess what? You will have time to figure it out, try and fail and learn as you go. Please consider giving yourself some grace, and know that you have already done the work. This is / should be your fun time!

[@catiem1029]

Ummmm ok but how did it take me over a year of watching this pod to realize Dad has AMAZING legs

[@kay-lee8571]

30:31 idk if I exactly agree with what Ashley’s saying here. I’m a 22 yr old who’s never had their first kiss, but I don’t exactly think it’s because of me. I think it’s more of a situational thing. I live in a small town that has literally no other queer people except for me, so that makes dating really hard. I have no friends to go out to gay bars with. I’m broke so I can’t move. And a lot of the dates I’ve been on didnt make it to that phase where I’d feel ok kissing her (past the first date). There was this one time I could’ve kissed the girl that I was dating, but I was really young and new to dating, so I was too scared at the time. But now I feel like I’m ready and I would definitely make the move if the moment presented itself to me, it just hasn’t happened yet.

[@random_folk]

11:40 Thank you Ashley!

[@MargoBTS]

There’s a Costco RIGHT across the East River in Queens by Roosevelt Island Ashley!! Lollll!!!

[@ashgavs]

THAT IS NOT MANHATTAN AND YOU KNOW IT

[@MargoBTS]

@@ashgavs Exactly lol!!!😂

[@milianesa]

I love ashley's idea as an almost 21 yo lesbian who hasn' had her first kiss yet

[@AutumnLeaves3405]

@27:00 I volunteer as tribute! 😂😊

[@michellerbn]

Im in IL where the cicadas are in swarms and its absolute hell and horrifying

[@desireestoddard4219]

I just turned 25 and I’ve never been kissed, never been on a date. I’ve never put myself out there because my mom doesn’t support me being gay and I’ve focused so much on my career. Also I am so very much introverted I never get out much so I know it’s my fault I’ve never gotten there. I want to now but I still don’t get out much.

[@L00kninjas]

Omg Katy O'Brian yes. Totally feel Alayna on that celebrity crush.

[@retired4mdance]

yesss love lies bleeding! my fiancée and I met on KStew twitter 😅

[@maytie1270]

We also use the oven for storage 😂

[@ericadecopas]

I NEED the "I feel shame ... cause Im a whore dude" clip. Neeeeeed.

[@TheEpicPlace]

Share your spicy stories over heeeere! I like this pod better than the other pod!! They're differnt focuses but this allows Ashly to get more emotional and go deeper into the story rather than majority humor! It's so cool to hear the nuance in your experiences since Alaina and Mak really are such great listeners!!

[@ashgavs]

I've WEPT on the other podcast. Fully wept on multiple episodes. I just don't think this is true at all, and comments like this make me more loyal to WHGS and I will never back down.

[@joegoss30]

Memorial Day isn't really for honoring all veterans. It's for honoring deceased veterans. Those folks aren't shopping at Costco (on Memorial Day or otherwise).

[@rileighdewing7056]

Please watch I Kissed A Girl... Or Alayna now that the Bachelorette *Australia* is finished you could react to it 😁

[@parmisvazifeh140]

In asian household every thing can be used as a storage... oven don't even meantion it... above the refrigerator... in a random pot ... everything

[@yeahokay...actuallynah]

yeah Ashley I really don't see how you could find anyone for this first kiss thing *hair tuck*

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

I need this cap Ashley 🧢 loved this episode as always ❤ happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈

[@jamievandenheuvel556]

"Never been kissed" is an episode of Glee🤣

[@XimeNox]

Ashley! I haven't had my first gay kiss, doing the video internationally? Yes, I'd like to know the crushes of my hypothetical partner. Me too Alayna, I'd like to be a bit intimidated by them

[@sarahm7086]

ASHLEYYYYYY i love this idea for that kissing video, I do not think it would be that much work and I VOLUNTEER MYSELF!! HELLO!! Would be so fun

[@ignorance_is_not_bliss]

im demiromantic and gray ace so i didn't expect much when i googled katy o'brian from love lies bleeding. holy fucking shit.

[@thirdspacemaker9141]

Wow! 😛 The ripped shots are nice, but I really like the portraits with the story in Elle.

[@megancurtis9502]

What is gray ace? Like somewhere between ace and demisexual?

[@nashlier5390]

Ashley looks extra beautiful today

[@samblustein1918]

I didn't have celebrity crushes, and then Lily Gladstone came along lol

[@DanielleDrewa]

Saw her in Tulsa right after OKC so I need to know!!

[@erinchapman8762]

Cora Boyd for the new pod!!

[@kapowjam3462]

"We should do a question" Alayna asks a personal question OR someone in discord is also starting a pod a nervous about it 😂

[@nathanmoranx2105]

Someone or all of you ironically wear a bonnet in an episode soon, or on Alayna's new pod branch, please. We-I'd love that as if we were the Borg. Alayna's Sailor Moon birthday!

[@josselynsanchez9686]

Justin Baldoni: white straight male!!!, if it's him he's amazinggggg the man enough podcast is one of my favorites

[@elleroLUV]

I hope the guest Alayna said was Shan Boodram

[@jmgauvre]

As a Straight dude, 100% yes to Katy O'Brian. She was in Star Wars and my mouth was agape

[@MargoBTS]

I’m in Northern IL and I’m so happy to report that I have seen exactly 0 cicadas I won this year!!

[@datghettoazn127]

Guest brianne worth? 🤞🏼

[@Idkmanjustgowithit]

I feel like the guest was pretty obvious cuz even I remember clicking off that episode cuz it was just rough 😂. Being over zoom definitely didn’t help either

[@fluterem8866]

Even Japan has Costco! Despite the fact that a typical Japanese fridge is far too small for a Costco haul, speaking from experience 😂

[@andrewz5981]

Can someone who watches the other pod please say who Ashley is talking about and why they're famous?

[@icedoatm1lklatte]

my aunt used to keep bread and things in her oven to keep it there for storing so i get that alayna

[@kencoleman5007]

I was wondering who Alayna meant with Katy O'Brian, and then she mentioned the masc presenting side. I just found out who O'Brian is through Katee Sackhoff's podcast.

[@circleofleaves2676]

LOL Nice segway from the threesome to the cicadas. Two women at the same time, and two hatched species at the same time. Freakin' hilarious that the cicada thing is actually called a double-brood event.... and Ashley had a double-broad event. 🤣😂💚

[@schrys2005]

Ashley im 21 and never had a first kiss but im from Cyprus 😂😢

[@BayAreaBerk]

Sleep Pattern is all fung'd up, thank what ever deity is responsible for Chosen Family podcast being available at o'dark thirty on Wed morning...

[@SaabIsSaab]

Which guest (on the WAHGS podcast) do you think they're talking about? Lol

[@carlahernandez8047]

I’m 25 and never had my first kiss or been on a date.

[@beans2948]

shout out alayna for understanding my obsession with love lies bleeding and katy o’brian🙏

[@nycjanedoe]

Why are there so many ads on KZbin right now?

[@RP741930]

Ashley, there are costcos in New York

[@atsiong100]

Yup, there's one in the East River Plaza which is Manhattan

[@ashgavs]

@@atsiong100 we live and learn.

[@reporterkermit3728]

lmao the disappointing guest they were talking about was definitely Chappell Roan; idk what other name could’ve gotten Alayna and Max to react like that

[@AniMin82]

I have to be honest and admit that I did not hear part of this conversation... I sometimes wonder if me being into women is all just in my head, but then Ashley's legs popped into the frame and... Nope, *definitely* into women 😂

[@Max.in.the.daily.]

Tired in FUTRE TENSE😂🎉🎉

[@kaiya33123]

My favs!!!😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

[@ericadecopas]

Ok I also need the "at the end of the day we evolved to fuck" clip. Hell, make it a tshirt

[@scubagoldfish45]

Actually! ☝️ I'm stoked for Alayna's pod!! It's gonna be awesome! Contrary to popular belief my heavy bias is fully concealed under my baggy sweatshirt... 🤫

[@geekwoafandom372]

Does New York not have cicadas??

[@Bobcat-sq1eg]

Ashley 3 ways are "constant like Cicadas in the summertime" one could say, very lesbian and surprising reliable!