Ciaphas Cain - The Emperor's Silliest Clown Fighting His Funniest Battles

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[@xxbomba9780]

Pls make a video about StarCraft races in Warhammer

[@54032Zepol]

Bro Raid Shadow Legends slaps! Sure there's a lot of ads for it but it's the only mobile game I plays

[@berthonycadet5441]

yo pancreasNowork i love your videos and i would like if you make a xeelee video if you can. i have trouble starting it and it would help me a lot.

[@Prophetofthe8thLegion]

Truly you fallen to chaos.

[@marsfreelander5969]

MILK FOR THE MILK GOD!

[@EdwardENigma-cg3kt]

“It is canonical that Ciaphus Cain fucks” This and “let it be known that the planet fell before the guard did” are my favorite sentences related to Warhammer 40k ever. Thank you

[@Abysalss]

Cadia broke before the guard did

[@MadJustin7]

Off the top of my head: Inquisitor Amberly Vail of the Ordo Xenos. The planetary governor's daughter, Mira DuPanya The Tech Priestess Felicia Tayber The law enforcement Sargent Wynettha Phu The Voidswoman Karrie Straun

[@MyH3ntaiGirl]

​@@MadJustin7 The Slanessi Witch

[@jackh7977]

The emperor broke before the Guard did

[@TheCorrodedMan]

@@MyH3ntaiGirlHe blueballed her three times. THE THOT HAS NO POWER OVER THE LOYAL, EMPEROR FEARING MAN

[@ForgottenHonor0]

What seemed like a retreat by the Commissar was actually a feint to lure the enemy forces into a frozen lake and sink their entire armored column, putting himself at risk all the time! Truly, Commissar Cain's genius is only matched by his selfless bravery!

[@DetectiveLance]

Lady General Sulla?

[@Fighterpilot555]

Ciaphas Cain! Hero of the Imperium!

[@ForgottenHonor0]

@@DetectiveLance At ease, soldier.

[@ForgottenHonor0]

@@Fighterpilot555 Mood kindred?

[@javiercamacho1998]

@@ForgottenHonor0 Mood kindred!

[@lordofuzkulak8308]

Cain is not so much a coward, as he is the owner of the galaxy’s entire supply of common sense. He’s also probably the only person in the entire setting that could charge into hand to hand combat with Khorne himself, survive and claim doing so was the cowardly option.

[@anthonylamonica8301]

Depending on who was there to watch this particular feat, it _could_ be considered the cowardly option.

[@Sorain1]

It was the cowardly option, behind him was Tzeench (who has future sight and warp powers), Slannesh (who even looking upon is worse than death) and Nurgle. (Getting near him would mean horrible death by disease even if you get away.) By contrast, Khorne is a purely physical threat who wants a good fight and so won't be going for the kill instantly, giving Cain a few more seconds of life at least. It just happened that the Emperor bailed him out in those seconds, likely because Cain dislikes 'emperor bothers' so when he started praying the big E realized this must be serious.

[@chriwehl7173]

@@Sorain1 Khorne would want it to be an honourable duel too. And I wouldnt even be surprised if his being able to survive against khorne would be enough for khorne to kick him out of the warp and into the next battlefield just to see what will happen. Because wasting such good fighter material would indeed be a waste.

[@Sorain1]

@@chriwehl7173 Hay, Khorne gave Tuska Demonkilla pretty much literally Orky heaven, so I can believe it.

[@KillerOrca]

@@chriwehl7173 "At last, a worthy foe for my followers...you will not die here yet, Caiphas Cain. Your skull shall be taken as the final prize for a chosen's ascendance. NOW GO" (YEET)

[@foxdavion6865]

Funny thing about the Demon Princess hot for Cain is that it wasn't those millions of lives she sacrificed to Slaanesh which resulted in her assentation, it was the fact Cain blue balled her and Slaanesh found that so amusing that Slaanesh elevated her to a demonprince just to see how things played out for amusement.

[@alienz8641]

That is 100% canon and no one can convince me otherwise

[@BigJubble]

@@alienz8641 Honestly there isn't anything to suggest otherwise. Hell she literally try's to hook up with him again when she becomes a full Demon Princess. Apparently Cain D is some potent stuff.

[@waifuhunter9815]

Well he blue balled her twice now since she became a greater demon with he help of Jurgen and the Aeldar

[@ES21007]

​@@waifuhunter9815 Cain is so awesome that an Avatar of Khaine managed to kick ass while he was around.

[@mortarion9813]

@@ES21007 That's honestly a feat more impressive that most of his track record.

[@khairallahdh]

Can we talk for a moment on how great Gunner Feric Juergen is? Dude went to find some tea for Cain after cleansing a building of chaos sorcerers, only to find one last one performing a demon summoning in the upstairs kitchen. A demon forms in front of him, his presence weakening it so he easily dispatched it with his las gun. He then comments. “Iv never understood why people are so scared of these things. They aren’t that tough.” Before splattering the sorcerers skull, he then boils water and brings Cain some tea, no mention of demon killing.

[@jg2323]

Which novel did this happen in? Don't think I've seen it. Was it one of the short story novellas?

[@khairallahdh]

@@jg2323 yeah it was in one of the short stories. It was part of a bundle so I don’t remember what it was called specifically.

[@mp5284]

It’s part of the anthology now on audible if you like the audio versions

[@praetorian9823]

Only correction is if I remember right he was trying to find “recaf” which is just a 40k version of coffee actually, not tea. Which led to one of my favorite tidbits of lore, where a trader was selling recaf that was so popular and tasty, the officers or even Inquisition had it checked to see if it was poisoned… and then I’m pretty sure gave themselves first dibs after.

[@obergfamily9049]

​@praetorian9823 That wasn't a correction that was you trying to find a way to wriggle into your coffee story 😂 No judgment, though. Get it in where you can.

[@Calumba1904]

My favourite Cain moment is when they come across a Slaaneshi daemon that takes the form of who the perceiver most desires. To Cain the daemon looks like Amberley so he immediately pulls out his pistol and says, “Impersonating an Inquisitor is punishable by death!” and shoots it xD

[@SiegeTF]

That was after the glamor was broken.

[@johnletterman4760]

0p0

[@RookCM]

yeah i will say, he did believe it 100% for a bit and lower his weapons, it was only when Jürgen returned from his trip and he saw her melt a PDF dude were he wakes up and becomes cool. although i love that book, honestly i prefer the stuff with beige trying to get him

[@Motleydoll123]

well it wasnt a daemon but a slaaneshi sorceress, but its still a badass moment.

[@SirMarshalHaig]

@@Motleydoll123 How I know Cain it was a greater demon a month later ;)

[@qwefg3]

As a popular joke I once heard... Cain is the worst fighter you can fight. You can not scare him because he is always afraid and thus any attempts to break his moral will be ignored as he is used to fighting with a broken moral!

[@petrpinc7695]

That sounds rven more OP, than Space Marines, who know no fear, because SMs can still learn what fear is.

[@romank90]

@@petrpinc7695 space marines do fear - in the short story (I think Primarchs book?) Konrad Curze ia breaking out of his cell and is enjoying the taste of fear of astartes warriors. So they do fear - its just really hard to scare them.

[@Snarkknight5]

*morale

[@lysander3262]

Ah, yes, the same as Usopp. Immune to depression!

[@jamesneese7663]

so....where's the joke again. Sounds more like the facts than a joke considering this is Cain we're talking about

[@jonathanredacted3245]

So basically cain is just a decent guy who has rational fears but was brought up to believe those fears are a sign of unforgivable cowardice

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Yes.

[@jonathanredacted3245]

@@nationalsocialism3504 holy cockcarpets a fucking nazi

[@istvanpalanki5316]

kinda like a normal scifi main character just threw into the wh40k nightmare

[@HubiKoshi]

He is a sensible man in a world full of death worshippers.

[@cookiecraze1310]

@@istvanpalanki5316 with a complete set of plot-class body armour and the seduction skills of a bard.

[@phaikia13]

Ciaphas Cain is protected by the Emperor, Gork and Mork, and the 4 Chaos Gods because he is just way too entertaining for them to die.

[@cheeseismyreligion4508]

Could be possible considering how he never once was corrupted, or have a complete mental brake down

[@rakisuzuki-burke4148]

The gods place bets on how he's going to get out of the situations they put him in.

[@000Krim]

Fr fr

[@DinnerForkTongue]

​@@rakisuzuki-burke4148 And, you know, someone may rig the game juuust a little bit if the bet against him is too high.

[@thelegoyousteppedon]

Slanish:i bet you money he beats the hive tirant Tzinch:aight bet Hive mind:dude..the fuk

[@PhantomJavelin]

I love how Cain keeps painting himself as a self-serving rat when he has a track record of, among other things: - Shooting _himself_ and counting on the sadism of the Dark Eldar Succubus who's trying to abduct him to keep himself alive - Calling artillery on his own position and waiting for the first shells to land before running away - Mentally withstands past the anti-warp powers of Necron Pariahs, steeling himself to retaliate with his laspistol while his stormtrooper (not guardsmen, _stormtrooper_ ) bodyguards immediately drop to the floor in a sobbing mess - 1v1'd a Khorne Berserker - 1v1'd an Ork Warboss

[@thomasgrey9121]

1v1’D chaos psyker warchief

[@Makorze]

Pretty sure he's also gone 1v1 against a Broodlord... There is also that one time he killed Hitler.

[@Astalos-ub4by]

@@Makorze 40k lore is fucking wild

[@Makorze]

@@Astalos-ub4by "Varian the Undefeatable" is his name, he has the ability to mind control anyone who can see him or hear his voice, the longer one is under the effect. The more permanent the conditioning becomes. He is described as looking like "a silly little man with a ridiculous moustache". Cain punts him of a building with a bolt round, on a global television broadcast, complete with a one-liner as he does it. "Commisar Donal sends his regards."

[@agentc7020]

@@Makorze The most fucking badass one liner after single handedly killing the enemy commander.

[@thegeneralmitch]

Cain: "Emperor, why do you give me your most difficult challenges?" Big E: "Because you are a funny monkey and the funny monkey will dance for my amusement. Now get up, you have Necrons to run away from." Cain: "Yes sir-aaaaaaaaaaaaaghh!!!"

[@dreadlindwyrm]

"The Emperor protects - but you should assume he's busy protecting some other poor sod, and watch your own tail feathers"

[@khylerbane4523]

I read this in their TTS voices.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

@@khylerbane4523 now I want it another spin off about Cain and big E constantly vox calling while everyone is confused at him talking alone while on a very very certain Suicidal missions

[@SMAXZO]

Cain: So I'm done, right, your Holiness? I can finally rest? Big E: NOPE! YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME FIND MY SHATTERED PSYCHE...and some of them are stolen by this Necron fella....what was his name again? Trashy the Incontinent? Cain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Big E: Relax...here's Jurgen...and a picture of Amberley naked and lubed. Have fun!

[@MrJH101]

Sounds more like Tzeentch was having a laugh at Cain’s expense.

[@ToozdaysChild]

Fun fact which may or may not have been posted already: Cain's memoires were published (internally within the Inquisition) after his death. He died peacefully of old age, and was buried with full military honors. In spite of this, Departmento Munitorum service records still list Cain as being on active duty. He had a habit of going missing in impossibly dangerous circumstances and then popping up again a few days later, having miraculously survived. This happened enough times that Munitorum scribes got sick off changing his status back from 'KIA', so they just left it as 'active' in case he does it again.

[@midnighteclipsed2738]

Imagine cain being revived into living saint XD

[@steampunkangel6530]

@@midnighteclipsed2738 Literally they bury him then a few days later they get a report saying their was a cain sighting on the other side of the galaxy drawing a tau fleet into a larger imperial fleet.

[@unknownguyindo4356]

@@steampunkangel6530 Knowing how The Warp works, It does make sense. Time and Space were intertwined in The Warp.

[@sovietcurry8863]

@@steampunkangel6530 So its like, Schrodingers Cain?

[@steampunkangel6530]

@@sovietcurry8863 Knowing warhammer most likely because the warp be crazy. So Cain could be dead of old age and yet he shows up in many different place at many different times.

[@reecedignan8365]

What I think I love about Cain most is that throughout all his novels, he constantly downplays himself and his achievements and just rewrites everything in the fashion of “I was just a coward trying to live”. But I think the amazing thing is, once you start to notice just how much Cain downplays everything and you start looking into what he does outside of his own personal sense of himself. He is the Hero of the Imperium that people see in him. From fighting a Hive Tyrant to a stand still. Discovering a Gene-cult (multiple times) and then defending them off multiple times until rescue arrives. He completely lead a resistance movement across one continent to another. He helped and was honoured by several Astartes - several who seemed to maybe see a bit more of Cain than he thinks but honour his courage and skill besides. He managed to unite 2 Valhallan regiments into a extremely flexible and working fighting unit and not only that, he actually pretty-much became the Gaunt of it too. He survived a necron tomb and not only defeated a ork horde on planet but heavily damaged/destroyed said tomb too. He’s uncovered several chaos cults and helped to stave off several tyranid, chaos and ork invasions from planets with not but a handful of other regiments and pdf. He’s fought greater deamons to a standstill and still not fallen an inch to the will of Chaos. He helped raise and teach a new generation of commissars in his own fashion leaving them a bit stand out from those outside his care. He’s one of the imperiums finest swordsmen who has not only matched but bested creatures and warriors who would be his superior. He is also a surprisingly good marksman who for all his “pish-posh” about having only standard if poor accuracy, can pick a small target off at quite the distance for a las pistol. He’s made friends with hundreds of people across the universe. He’s found a love and companionship in a Inquisitor. He’s managed to leave a legacy behind him which helps to inspire those around him and later reading on his exploits. And yeah while he prefers to avoid all danger, when he arrives at it, he faces it down each time and actually strives to protect those under him even sometimes at the cost to himself - tho he never admits such. Cain for all his small faults, is a Hero. And it’s sad that he never came to understand or appreciate that fact at his end, but his closest companion and even his lover seemed to understand him a bit more.

[@HeIsAnAli]

Not just _a_ Hero, but _the _*_HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!_*

[@johntowers1213]

when you open up the Imperium's version of the DSM 5 and Look under the heading for "Imposter Syndrome" you'll find a full color picture of Cain looking at you and a big long list of all the excuses he comes up with to deny he's not actually a "hero" at all.

[@PurpleH4z3]

He fought a practice duel against an space marine, got a scratch in his armor and the space marine tells him he will leave the scratch there as a reminder to never undestimte his oponent He literlly humble a space marine in a duel

[@Kwisatz-Chaderach]

100%

[@MR.LMR1996]

As the old saying goes: Courage isn't the absence of fear, but acting in spite of it. Cain embodies that saying in spades with his track record.

[@TheRavennss]

Interestingly, what I like most about Cain is that when one of his soldiers had children, he would become the regiment's official nanny until the infant could be safely sent to Valhalla. Imagine Cain as a kindergarten teacher.

[@kristiankepley5944]

Especially if all the kids love ‘uncle Cain’

[@JamesTobiasStewart]

He insists he didn't enjoy dealing with 'little brats' while also mentioning he got picture books sent in and that he sent Jurgen out to "acquire" some soft toys for them to play with.

[@MegaKnight2012]

Given the insanity Cain deals with in the military, that sounds like a perfect preparation for kindergarten teaching.

[@ES21007]

​ Where was this shown?

[@alexh3974]

@@JamesTobiasStewart sounds like Cain. He claims to be heartless but damn. Will he bat for his soldiers to hell and back of earned. Ans that is why they also fight so hard for him. Hr challenged a chaos Warlord no less, to honour thr loss of a student of his. To 1v1 combat. And gave him his sash. No one saw this. This was to personally honour someone who earned his respect.

[@jamess7140]

One theory I’ve got on how the books portray Cain is that Cain intentionally wrote them for Amberley for her to enjoy after his inevitable death such that he tried to make them as lighthearted and comedic as possible to help her cope, because he clearly loves her. He’s just that good of a guy.

[@000Krim]

:c

[@TheCorrodedMan]

The man who thought he was the galaxy’s biggest pile of shit turning out to be one of the greatest individuals, morally and professionally, to have ever lived is so heartwarming.

[@agentc7020]

@@TheCorrodedMan Telling his true lifestory in a comedic way doesn't mean he would be willing to lie to her about it, what's the point in doing so anyway? She already knew what he was really like and loved him anyway.

[@ES21007]

@@agentc7020 She doesn't know everything actually. She knew he cared, but Amberly didn't know how much he cared, like with him seeing illusions of her on Adumbria because he cared about her. She also doesn't know some details like where he came from. And sadly, in the end, while Cain DOES love her, the latest story Vainglorious reveals he still truly only trusts Jurgen.

[@agentc7020]

​​@@ES21007 Different kinds of trust I believe, he does trust her with *most* stuff, but her being an inquisitor kind of puts her in a conflict of interests, she wrote one time that she was glad she never had to choose between the imperium and Cain because she likely would have chosen the imperium and he knew that, Cain trusts jurgen so completely because Jurgen is absolutely loyal to him and only him. In the end their love was a rough one sometimes but still love nonetheless, there is very few people Cain has tried his best to keep safe even at the potential cost of his own life and Amberly's one of those so while his trust in her might not have been absolute, I feel like he still would have done anything for her (even not taking into consideration that she is an inquisitor).

[@random3x70]

One of my favourite bits that actually shows Cain being a brave and loyal soldier is one of the later books where he and Jurgen are desperately trying to escape from Tau battlesuits but they end up crashing. This is when they are a fair bit older so they aren't doing so good and Cain makes a break for it, but Jurgen is too badly hurt to follow. Cain turns around and runs back to try help Jurgen even knowing it would likely lead to his death. The Tau though hold fire because Cain is one of the few Imperial Humans they would be willing to work with and they had a bit of a bug problem for him to help with. But he didn't know that and basically went back to likely die with his best friend.

[@DJROCKSTAZ]

Did Cain ever work with the Tau?

[@somethinglikethat2176]

@@DJROCKSTAZ in The Greater Good and For The Emperor that I know of.

[@antitroller101]

@@DJROCKSTAZ Twice in a kinda sorta way and there was a bigger threat to deal with in both situations for both sides which were the tyranids. Funny enough his first encounter with the Tau was with a Kroot and they got along pretty well (despite the awkwardness of the situation for Cain).

[@yaelz6043]

Willing to die for a blank he can't stand even being near. Now that's friendship and heroism.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

@@yaelz6043 in Cain's perspective jurgen is the only competent meatshield he has that save his ass and jurgen being with him for the duration of his service has gotten a close bond like a respectable associate. even if he wanted to dipped and save his ass he knows without jurgen the chances of him getting out is direly slim even with plot armor cause Cain knows jurgen always got his ass covered and would rather take chances dying with him than leaving him dead only to die later.

[@_NIKOS9_NIKOS]

Honestly I think that Jurgen eventually does realise that Cain isnt as smart as everyone around him makes him out to be but he just doesnt care since he is the only person in this crapsack of a galaxy that treats him like an actual person and he just goes along with it

[@jamesflowers1295]

Being Cain's secretary must have tons of perks

[@Elenrai]

@@jamesflowers1295 Basically everyone wants to give him shit because he is a Blank, but Cain is in fact aware of this, so Cain understands at least that Jurgen is very very important, as Amberly eventually tells Cain as much(Jurgen is AFAIK unaware of his own nature) but yea...I mean...Jurgen literally got an inquisitor with a vested interest in his well being along with the greatest commissar there ever was, nobody ever gives him any shit outside of thinking he smells really bad :D For reference some people will outright want to murder a Blank, that is how unlikeable they are to humans with regular souls. Only reason Cain is still alive is in fact Jurgen tending towards carrying a chonky Melta gun whenever he expects trouble!

[@pugsondrugs5480]

The whole thing with blanks is that they creep people out without even trying, so everybody either ignores them or hates them on sight. In the first chronological story, Cain actually went back to save Jurgen. I don’t think anybody had EVER done anything like that for him. And yeah, he actually seems to value and treat Jurgen like a human, and ignored his (many) flaws and quirks. Unsurprisingly Jurgen would’ve (and did) walk into hell for Cain.

[@MyH3ntaiGirl]

@@Elenrai he isn't a bad trooper aswell Good marksman Brave as hell, willing to sacrifice himself to save Cain

[@theriveracis5172]

@@jamesflowers1295 Memory serves, there's some mention of this, since Jurgen basically can get whatever he wants. Fortunately, he only has minor tastes. Porno slates, being the big one.

[@METALmurdererOG]

"...says she's afraid of the phycher because she's a loon, then stares at her t*ts" had my dying. I need to read some Cain novels

[@OperatorVanta]

The Psyker probably knew he was staring at her tits too. Which makes it even funnier

[@kalashnikovdevil]

To be fair, by all accounts she's got a stellar rack.

[@templarw20]

They're honestly the only 40k books I bother reading....

[@alexh3974]

Also a tech priestess, navel commissar. An planerty governors daughter . . He gets about.

[@toomanyaccounts]

you may want to look up the books that were the inspiration for the character. George MacDonald Fraser's Flashman series about a Victorian military hero adventures in India, Afghanistan.

[@cthulhluftagn3812]

Cain suffered from Imposters syndrome, he had raw talent out the ass but refuses to let himself realise it.

[@JamesTobiasStewart]

The man had rolled a collection of 18s for his stats, but he was convinced the dice MUST have been Loaded, so anything he got for them was undeserved.

[@Noisemarine]

Cain makes the classic mistake of thinking that everyone overthinks and analyses things like he does so gets mystified that they don't reach they same obvious conclusions as him.

[@Cainus44]

@@JamesTobiasStewart Collection of 20s, you mean. This is Warhammer 40k. We use wh40kRPG rules, not d20.

[@CandleWisp]

Like booster gold then

[@tiggytheimpaler5483]

One of the funniest things about Caine is that when i was in the USMC, Caines books were up for review to be added to the recomended reading list for officers and enlisted leaders simply because his leadership solutions and his ability to turn any situation into a surviveable scenario

[@razorburn645]

What would Cain do?

[@haleffect9011]

Were they though?

[@ImperialGuardsman2]

​@@haleffect9011you've clearly never been in the military.

[@haleffect9011]

@@ImperialGuardsman2 I haven't, but if you were, were they actually actually accepted as part of recommended reading or rejected? Up for review to me means that they were thinking about it?

[@Uruz2012]

I sort of hope they weren't. Too many people would miss the satire of the setting and think that US marines ought to act like space marines.

[@DoctorHomicide]

I love how Cain’s go to quite for going head first into dangerous situations is most often “Almost certain Death is better than Certain Death” it’s his justification for doing dangerous things

[@HeIsAnAli]

1% chance of survival beats 100% chance of death.

[@TheAKgunner]

I think we’d ALL choose “Almost Certain Death” over “Certain Death “.

[@agentc7020]

@@TheAKgunner you overestimate how people would react to situations like that, normal people would hesistate, Cain just goes "damn that's rough, off to go to almost certainly die".

[@TheAKgunner]

@@agentc7020 I know. I’m just saying that, when presented with the choice between certain death and almost certain death, people will choose the option with the best chance of survival.

[@connormclernon26]

@@TheAKgunnerand that’s why Commissar’s exist in the Imperium. Against a Greater Daemon you have a teeny tiny infinitesimal chance of surviving that fight. The commissar will just shoot you in the head and that’s that

[@jairovsleon]

Cain is so scared of necrons he almost drop his act when he saw the entrance of a tomb world in one of his adventures, but everyone who saw it tough it in the way of "if the fearless hero of the imperium show something similar as fear it means is very dangerous"

[@Kameth]

If the Hero of the Imperium is bricking himself... You. Are. Not. Nearly. Afraid. *Enough.*

[@stalinsoulz7872]

That part where he suggested taking an alternative or having more reinforcement And the debate goes until he just says okay.

[@samfire3067]

@nunyabusiness3786 fallout New vegas : *fatman launching nukes* "I don't want to see The wolrd on firee"

[@alpha_9997]

@@samfire3067 not as deadly as the big iron on my hip

[@wfmacmillan]

@@alpha_9997 big Iron on his hiiiiiiiip

[@Darek_B52]

The funniest thing is. Cain isn't really a coward. Not technically. If he see's a path that will get him out of something he'll go headfirst into it. No matter how dangerous just so long as it's less dangerous than the alternative. I mean he's holstered his pistol in a room full of drawn guns and itchy trigger fingers Stared down and chewed out a mob of angry Guardsmen fought in close combat with Tyranids Slept with a Slanneshi cultist Evaded Necrons killed at least 2 Beserkers of Khorne and more. He may feel fear but the man is capable of not only confronting but overcoming. PS I forgot I wrote this and am shocked to find it got so many likes. I just stated lore highlights haha. Um if you want some fantasy 40K-"like" stuff well in Dread Delusion you can side with the Apostatic Union/Inquisition and fight against Gods and their worshippers. Just a small indie game I like. Have a good one.

[@jalpat2272]

Or we what call it Brave as he face his fear

[@mr_cr1t1k4l_5]

Mf really slept with a slanneshi cultist im suprised his genitals ain't destroyed by that one encounter

[@shuukenji6585]

"Slept with a Slanneshi cultist" Ah He overcome indeed...

[@Darek_B52]

@@shuukenji6585 I just realized he not only slept with a slanneshi cultist he also slept with an inquisitor...THE BALLS!

[@Qardo]

Cain is by far the most average of all humans. Totally unremarkable. Yet, the man was highly capable, women loved him, Space Marines respected him (which is no small feat), his best friend was a Blank (and literally his living plot armor against most things), and he died of old age. Not even Old Bale Eye, Yarrick got that honor. I am sorry Yarrick fans. Cain is far better.

[@Kameth]

Cain uses Jurgen as a human shield for paperwork and meeting people - but would not think of using him as a human shield in combat. I like to think that Jurgen has noticed this.

[@JamesTobiasStewart]

I feel like that is one of the reasons Jurgen has such unremitting loyalty to Cain. Cain is probably the only person he's ever known, to treat him as worthy of respect, the only person who would go out of his way to save Jurgen's life and likely the only person who has ever shown Jurgen anything resembling friendship.

[@it_Nexus562]

juren is more of a human eraser with that meltagun

[@DinnerForkTongue]

That is very much correct. And Jurgen is more than happy to oblige after Cain demonstrated your latter hypothesis.

[@foxdavion6865]

There are three kinds of Necrons: - Those that see life as abhorrent and a weed on a galaxy they consider belongs to them. - Those that see all the civilisations in the galaxy bar the Eldar as being little more than insects and thus ignore them as such. - Then there is Trazyn the Infinite, who is so out of his mind that he treats the young races like they're actually sentient, yeah other Necrons think he is crazy.

[@wolf2965]

Nemesor Zahndrekh that sees everyone as fellow Necrontyr (regardless of their actual race) is the fourth kind

[@Sentralkontrol]

@@wolf2965 it's implied he's faking it, though

[@anthonylamonica8301]

I always hope that GW authorizes a story where Cain has to work with the Lamenters for some reason. Cain * Internally Screaming *: _"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE THAN USUAL!?"_ Lamenters * Internally Screaming *: _"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO MUCH BETTER THAN USUAL!?"_

[@csmrookie9600]

Imagine Cain and the lamenters end up in the worst fucking situation possible, but somehow due to cain’s cowardice and the lamenter competence via preparing for unlucky events, made it out alive without a single casualty. Making both parties scream in confusion from both wondering how the hell did they not die while tzeentch in the background laughs like the tentacle goblin gamer thing probably? It is while the god emperor of mankind nods in approval at their vanquishing of their worst foe yet. Also the lamenters actually get recognized for this and get a reward which makes them utterly afraid behind the next event of this, while Cain looks at them with the same feared expression.

[@KillerOrca]

Cains plot armor and the Lamenter's terrible luck equaling each other out

[@vaultdweller1386]

@@KillerOrca It would become a literal grocery run, the worst they have to deal with is finding a parking space.

[@KillerOrca]

@@vaultdweller1386 Cain leaning out the top of the Lamenter's Rhino, shouting down to the driver below him; "Theres one-wait, no thats taken, keep going, keep going, I see another around the corner...no thats too small...oh feth it, just park us in the handicap spot, they wont argue with us about it!"

[@kingleech16]

@@vaultdweller1386 The mental image this gave me is priceless. Thanks!

[@theriveracis5172]

Memory serves, Ciaphas Cain once even dueled a space marine of the Reclaimers, and actually got a strike in no less. Said space marine was holding back, of course. But still, that's no easy feat. And from then on, said space marine took Cain a lot more seriously. If I'm not wrong, the guy's also the one who built Cain's augmetic fingers. Which, goes without saying, is quite the honor.

[@timothygrulke1308]

Your memory is correct on all accounts

[@xuanquang9815]

he's a Techmarine, and by their Chapter standard, techmarines are very well respected

[@johntowers1213]

those augment fingers he then used as a self deprecating excuse to help explain to himself why he was such a ridiculously crack shot as well.. for all the truth in the tales he tells about his life.. the heart of its really just Cain's inability to accept he's actually really an exceptional individual..

[@thebighurt2495]

Dude even left the chink in his armor as a reminder to never underestimate an opponent again.

[@pierre-mariecaulliez6285]

"I've lowered my power sword's output, you should be only dazed if I touch you.... -I'm afraid I can't return the favor... **vrooOOOOOoooooms** If it bites, it bites..."

[@fiendishrabbit8259]

His fighting skills are actually one of the few points where Cain admits that's he's way above average, being the best fencer in his graduating class at the schola and a very good shot with his laspistol. When he remarks that his instructors would gnash their teeth it's because he's picked up dirty tricks.

[@Nickelback8469]

Even way above average would be an understatement for Cain

[@nationalsocialism3504]

"above average" fights a Khorne berserker in melee combat without dying... Cain is one of the greatest human swordsmen to ever live.

[@johntowers1213]

@@nationalsocialism3504 and he still believes at his heart he's the biggest faker in the Imperium. which is half the joke that makes up his character...

[@ImpudentInfidel]

Although even there Cain thinks he's "above average"with sword and pistol but the narrator thinks he's "probably the best in the sector".

[@samfire3067]

@@nationalsocialism3504 * normal human fighting a CHAOS SPACE MARINE KHORNE BERSERKER. Twice. Even If They where weaked.*

[@utes5532]

To add to Cain's competence: Inquisitor Amberley Vail says he's one of the best swordsmen she's ever seen, and for an experienced inquisitor that's quite the praise

[@HollowedKnight66]

I mean the guy 1v1ed a Warboss and lived

[@SMAXZO]

@@HollowedKnight66 And WON!

[@steppin8]

And she would know better than most…… 😊

[@Piemasta9000]

​@@steppin8she has seen his "swordplay" first hand :)

[@steppin8]

@@Piemasta9000 HERESY!!!

[@my9thaccount140]

Ciaphas Cain exists to be the Emperor’s entertainment as he sits suffering on the golden throne forever and you can’t convince me otherwise.

[@Bungger]

I can’t, I won’t and I fully agree

[@chrisroberts7000]

Hard to tell which has saved Cain more: Jurgen being a blank or Jurgen taking a melta gun everywhere he goes.

[@mitrion301]

Both, both is good

[@nationalsocialism3504]

As someone who has played Dark Heresy, Black Crusade, & Rogue Trader RPGs... taking a meltagun wherever you go if you can get your hands on one is highly recommended, Plasma Pistols & Inferno Pistols are also good choices.

[@kmsbismarckhoodaintshit4242]

That's like comparing 5000 to 5001

[@Makorze]

Its strange Jurgen always finds a Meltagun because the way Cain says it, he doesnt always think Jurgen could find one but he does.

[@go5083]

@@Makorze didn’t jurgen get the melta from Amberley and just keep it

[@dinodude6992]

An Eldar farseer: Cain must be an genius, look at him respond to ambushes that he somehow discovered! I think he might be a psyker! Caiphus Cain: *internally screams as he runs away from a horde of tyranids*

[@flyboy6392]

what Psykers hear whenever Cain's in combat: aaaaaaaAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[@EnbyOccultist]

@@flyboy6392 He's shielding his thoughts to those who may try to gain an advantage with psyker powers, truly he is ready for anything!

[@flyboy6392]

@@EnbyOccultist I know, but even then, nothing like psychic SCREAMING to hide your true thoughts!

[@nikoladedic6623]

Must be this universe's version of Captain Tylor.

[@dikkie1000]

@@flyboy6392 So he's related to Sly Marbo?

[@cero1968]

If Cain, Jurgen, and the 597th had official models, I'd have started my 40k journey as a Guard player

[@internetzenmaster8952]

Cain and Jurgen do have models iirc, but they're ancient by today's standards.

[@kalashnikovdevil]

Preach it.

[@AFAndersen]

Not only does the characters have models, but there's Valhallan Ice Warrior models too.. but as someone else said, they're ancient.. I still think the Valhallan troops look amazing for their age though.

[@JoshMC2000]

Ye I wouldnt be making a guard army out of killteam kits either

[@GaldirEonai]

Regarding Cain's melee skills: The two World Eaters and the Hive Tyrant can at least partially be explained by Cain only dodging and distracting them so his allies could get a shot with heavy weapons. But the ork warboss (in _mega armour,_ even) he fought was 100% a one-on-one duel. No wounds or fatigue weakening him (not that either of those are likely to slow an ork down much), no melta blasts or autocannon barrages saving his ass, no psychic static from Jurgen canceling out the enemy's psychic powers or disturbing the hivemind at a critical moment. Just pure skill, a feint, and an extremely badass finishing move. And that was near the _start_ of his career. Also, his understanding of tactics and strategy (because a lack of these _gets you killed,_ and Cain isn't having any of that) was so complete that not only did Lord General Zyvan and similarly ranked officers ask for his advice...actual _space marines_ deferred to him on how to organize a defense. Okay, the one who did that was an Apothecary rather than a frontline officer but a.) he was still Astartes and b.) he was there with a small force of tactical marines.

[@Noisemarine]

To me his most impressive feat was sparing with a techmarine and scoring a killing blow the marine was genuinely suprised and impressed and gave him a warriors salute but Cain convinced himself the marine was going easy on him and being nice.🤣

[@MerryMerryGold]

trust me only dodging the blows of a world eater trying to murderblender you in melee is way more than most people can do

[@HubiKoshi]

Two absolutely awesome things about Cain is that 1. He survived to retirement. Despite being a Commissar, despite being the go-to for suicidal missions, despite being an Inquisitor's toy, he Survived to Retirement. 2. He died Peacefully of Old Age and was buried with full military honours. What's better is that he seemingly died so many times that the Administratum got tired of changing his status between Alive and Killed in Action and they decided to just keep it as Alive regardless of what they are told. Because of that Cain is Still listed as Alive in the records despite being buried.

[@Forestxavier20]

They are just going to hear "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!" from the backlines as Ciaphas *FUCKING* Cain comes in on a tank, no clue where he is. The Blood Angels and the Sisters of Battle immediately go "Cain has been reborn as an Imperial Saint! He must watch over the guardsman!" and you hear over his Vox "what? WHAT THE FUCK?!"

[@alexh3974]

Buried wil a full state funeral. No mere burial. Flag draped coffin, full military honours, marching escort the lot.

[@HubiKoshi]

@@alexh3974 Makes me wonder if any Reclaimers were present for his funeral. Imagine being such an unrelenting badass that members of an Adeptus Astartes chapter attend your funeral.

[@alexh3974]

@@HubiKoshi that would bring pretty epic if thr guard of honour was space marines. Suddenly you see a squad of marines marching two by two with a tech marine up front.

[@HubiKoshi]

@@alexh3974 I wish we'll eventually learn what Drumon's fate was... not a good one probably.

[@thewakeup5459]

He has plot armor in a setting where very few characters get plot armor and he's vaguely aware of this.

[@somethinglikethat2176]

I don't know if it's plot armour. He's one of the few characters in 40k with common sense.

[@nicolasgodines1129]

@@somethinglikethat2176 Tbf, that's basically plot armour in the setting.

[@mkhlfdrv4031]

Honestly, w40k is built around plot armor. Cain just manages to attach himself to people who have it in the first place.

[@yuvalgabay1023]

@@somethinglikethat2176 not being ultra autistic is a super power in 40k

[@elbolainas4174]

In a setting where everybody dies a sad, meaningless or heroic death, he dared to die peacefully of old age.

[@thumpersmith4015]

One thing that definitely shows Vail is not the stereotypical Inquisitor is when she not only let a pasty saleswoman live after seeing her, but actually inducted her into her group despite having no clear value at the time. That showed, to me at least, that she values human lives at an individual level, which is quick damn rare in 40K as a while, let alone in the Inquisition.

[@HeIsAnAli]

Life is the Emperor’s currency. Wantonly killing people is a waste of said currency, and one does not waste what the Emperor provides.

[@michalsoukup1021]

Eh, the girl already showed she does not panic when pure strain gene-stealers are advancing on her,

[@alexh3974]

She had survived a fight, she also knew the localmplanet in ways outsiders not. She earned a long term place though.

[@agentc7020]

@@michalsoukup1021 she was in shock, the reason she could fight back was Cain putting his commissar training to good use.

[@toomanyaccounts]

she also let him kept Jurgen rather then grabbing him for the Inquisition.

[@fluffywolfo3663]

9:50 theres two very interesting things about Cain’s great relationship with the commanding officers - first, Cain downplays it but Amberley goes out of her way to explain how phenomenally rare it is.

[@somethinglikethat2176]

It's kind of sad that Cain often doesn't realise that the way many in the Guard treat him is due to liking and respecting him, rather than his scarlet red sash.

[@shuwan4games]

@@somethinglikethat2176 oh he know thats why he treats them with respect cause those that dont die to "friendly fire" plus he knows what to say to keep up his front

[@LurchTheBastard]

@@somethinglikethat2176 He knows they like and respect him. A whole lot of his keeping face is trying to ensure exactly that so he can put a lot of volunteers between him and danger whilst avoiding the kind of "unfortunate enemy action" 5 miles from the front line that sometimes takes other commissars. What he doesn't realise, is that it does actually make him a good leader and valuable moral boost to nearby troops.

[@mdokuch96]

@@LurchTheBastard I am think that in his memoirs he is just joking about himself being a coward - maybe he feels uneasy with all that praise and thinks it is being undeserved due to the fact that he DOES feel fear. This is somewhat of a behaviour I find alike of a combat veteran, lying about himself "just doing papers in HQ" despite the fact he was doing anything but this and not in HQ but on the hottest places of frontline.

[@theandromedaeffect979]

Cain is a great example that doing good things for selfish reasons still means you’re doing good things.

[@iamblight707]

Bro isn't even selfish, he's just depressed as shit. Guy called an artillery strike on his own position, fought a daemon berserker, a psychic warlord, and a tyrannid master in 1v1s, and treats his guardsmen like human beings.

[@cookiecraze1310]

Kane mini-story that I think proves he was actually a good person: During his time with the 597th, he fought on a tidally locked world undergoing a Slaaneshi (and Khorn but to a lesser scale) invasion. A Khornate lemun-russ was about to blow up a troop transport filled with 1/5th of the 597th onboard, but Jurgen did have a melta and could've destroyed it. Problem was, abunch of new recruits had rushed the damaged Lemun (after Jurgen pulverised it's engine) and were climbing on it. Instead of sacrificing them, something litteraly noone else would have seen as an asshole move since it would save a company, he risked his life to rush to the transport and get it off the ground before it could destroy it. Even Amberley comments on how any other commissar would have atomised them, but Cain actually did the heroic thing to try save everyone, even if it nearly got him turned into a fine red mist.

[@flammablehero6529]

I’m convinced Ciaphas Cain is the 40k version of Ash Williams. A live action show with Bruce Campbell as Cain and Ted Raimi as Jurgen would be gold.

[@DeadpanPear]

Most underrated comment of our generation.

[@jihadslowpoke]

He's Harry Flashman IN SPACCEEEE. Just like Gaunt is Richard Sharpe IN SPAAAACEEEE. Seriously, though, keep an eye out for Flashman novels, they're basically Ciphas Cain IN THE VICTORIAN ERAAAAAAAAAA.

[@flammablehero6529]

Can you typecast by chin alone?

[@sneedclavehere8918]

Holy fuck this is perfect, too bad Bruce is done with live action, at least he's ok with voice work

[@HiddenEvilStudios]

Sounds groovy.

[@jarvy251]

I can't BELIEVE you'd list Caine's buddies without mentioning the cutest techpriestess with a propensity to snacc this side of the segmentum

[@yaelz6043]

She's the ONLY tech priestess with a propensity to snacc.

[@HeIsAnAli]

And has a robo-tail.

[@allenstanley3418]

@@HeIsAnAli You just reminded me of my second favorite interjection from amberly. Where she comments on how curious it is that Cain has somehow gained in-depth knowledge of how exactly the tail is attached to her.

[@ShaqNasty557]

Who? Please don't leave us hanging

[@jarvy251]

@@ShaqNasty557 Felicia Tayber, Cain rescues her from an ork slave camp on Perlia and they go on a greenskin slaying adventure

[@pzbt]

95% of Cain's books is Cain going "At least it couldnt get any worse than this" and then a worse thing happens. And it's stupid fun each and every time.

[@johntowers1213]

only on the surface, Flashmans a real bastard compared to Cain..

[@gnaskar]

What wasn't mentioned in detail was how often Cain does something brave, heroic or selfless, and then has to admit in retrospect that he has no idea why he did that. He risks his life to try to stop a trooper falling into a hole in an ice cave and blames it on adrenaline, tries to dig his way back to a genestealer brood after being separated from his troops by a collapsing wall and blames it on shock, it never even occurs to him to order Jurgen to shoot a tank that's threatening both him and a dropship full of troops because there's a squad of guardsmen trying to take it down with grenades and he's unwilling to risk friendly fire. A third of the time he's genuinely running away while accidently heading toward a bigger threat, a third of the time he's doing the heroic thing because he figures it will definitively kill him if he doesn't do something, and a third of the time he does the heroic thing and then tries his hardest to come up with an excuse that isn't that it was the right thing to do. My favorite scene is the one where he drives a chimera off a cliff, dragging a burning blimp full of fuel behind it to save the airport from the explosion. That or any scene where they list the accomplishments of corporal Jinxie, who also seems to have Cain's streak of bad luck, just without the charisma to be able to claim that she meant to do that.

[@jackbaxter2223]

Or Cain reflecting that the cult must have fallen for the propaganda about him being such an amazing leader that they had mistakenly believed him to be in charge and didn't realise that assassinating him wouldn't have achieved anything at all. Then Amberly notes that Cain doesn't seem to have realised that his death would have had an absolutely devastating effect on regimental morale.

[@agentc7020]

@@jackbaxter2223 regimental? More like planettary morale, "the goddamn hero Ciaphas Cain bit the big one on my planet? Fuck"

[@KaoKacique]

@@agentc7020 The death of Ciaphas Cain could make a Cadian have second thoughts

[@CollinBuckman]

my favorite bit abt Cain is how GW has artists purposefully draw him with a bolt pistol on the book covers (when in reality he prefers using a laspistol) because the cover art is meant to be a propagandistic portrayal of him.

[@JoshMC2000]

Ye and he hates the fact they do that. In a few of the books he passes comments on Holo films amberly subjdcted him to.

[@camiloparada9529]

Cain Is definitely a hero, and it's odd but while cain inspires everyone around him, he himself always finds his courage while Jurgen is around

[@MyH3ntaiGirl]

He knew that there one person who would die fighting by his side

[@159tony]

A blanks presence is unpleasant and Releases cortisol and a disgust response.. Hard to be cowardly if you are pissed Off.

[@camiloparada9529]

@@159tony he wasn't pissed off, he got that familiar wet socks bouquet and knew he wasn't alone and the most solid trooper in wh was watching his back

[@jonathanathor117]

8:05 as a necron enjoyer, I can confirm that the space tomb kings are indeed alot more intimidatig than chaos. Even more interesting by a wide margin.

[@somethinglikethat2176]

Interestingly he seems more affected by the events of Echoes of the Tomb than Caves of Ice and in Caves he faced Pariahs.

[@ES21007]

@@somethinglikethat2176 In fairness, Echoes of the Tomb is when he lost his fingers. It was then followed afterward by a very tumultuous period where he fought Tyranids and orks, some of the happiest times of his life training alongside Space Marines, and then boarding a space hulk. Meanwhile the one in Caves of Ice was just another day of killing orks, surviving Necrons and having Jurgen save the day.

[@brothercoconut6599]

Cain may shit his pant if no one is around when he seen the flayed one in Caves of Ice

[@isaacvogt9220]

I actually had to stop because I couldn’t stop laughing at his remark at the end

[@samfire3067]

*eats flesh*

[@yegkingler]

Here's hoping Cavill gets Cain a show.

[@UnderseaPumaKing]

I PRAY TO THE EMPEROR that its not solely focused on Space Marines. I want to see the Guard. Mechanics. Eldar. Orks. Hell, I'd be up for some sections being centered around Tyranid point of view. Just not more Space Marines only crap. Unless its the Salamanders. VULKAN LIVES *stomp stomp*.

[@TheBowTizzle]

If Cavill ends up playing Cain it would be amazing

[@pluemas]

@@UnderseaPumaKing the Tau would legitimately be a good choice, would be a lot easier to include on screen that Ork tech or Tyranid swarms. They would also work quite well to ease newer fans into grim dark by providing some contrast and at least a little respite from Smurfs and grimdark.

[@bencurran3204]

I would watch that, but again, cavill in w40k would mean I watch anything he's in tbh

[@NWLR-tv]

@Tech Priest but being pessimistic means you already are

[@Ofxzh]

9:21 “Cain, would you like to explain how your regimen gained numbers?”

[@GreatKawaiiGod]

I think what sold me on Cain was in the first story when forced to punish a member of the Vallahlan guard he was in charge of, he told him he understood the hot climate they were in was unbareable for someone native to a frozen wasteland. So instead of shooting a man for trying to keep cool by wearing only his boxers and a tanktop he asked he wear pants from now on and put him on latrine duty for a few months, and kept the regulation for their uniforms as at least boots, fatigue pants, and a tank top so they'd all avoid heat stroke. Sure it was for his own intrest to avoid having the troops let him die should it come to it, but he did at least try and treat the imperial guard who worked under him as people and wanted to keep moral up by making sure they were all happy as oposed to the usual laz gun for those who had complaints. He's the ideal boss really

[@Albatross159]

I want a Cain and Lamenters crossover adventure. Our boys in yellow just high fiving each other as they survived certain death while Cain is just weeping in the corner.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Cain doesn't weep... regardless of how much he wants to

[@JamesTobiasStewart]

The Lamenters I think would be weeping, because for the first time in 200 years, one of their fireteams completed their mission; as a total success with no unexpected backfire, with all brothers alive and all their limbs intact. They would send a request for Cain to be attached to them going forward and said message would, of course, get lost before any higher up could even has a chance to say no.

[@Plauge_Dragon]

There was an attempt... but it died after one chapter.

[@dank_smirk2ndchannel200]

16:26 "He not only buys fully into Cain's legend but has never shown fear because he just assumes whatever is happening is part of Cain's master plan." Jurgen is Demiurge from Overlord confirmed.

[@yaelz6043]

Maybe cocaitas or Sebas with how literal he is.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Jurgen never being proven wrong in a long life where they die of old age after more exploits than any other two people... Jurgen might just be correct

[@TheJprox]

SASUGA CAIN-SAMA

[@jackbaxter2223]

Cain's constant 'plausible excuses' to be somewhere where he doesn't think the enemy will really be only to discover their most secret plans happens so often that in the Jurgen-POV short story, Jurgen even thinks of it as Cain's signature move.

[@jamesliu8095]

amberly had cain figured out the first time she met him, and cain knew that she knew, and she knew that cain knew so he was basically the perfect man to help her.

[@drkblade0958]

I'm smelling some serious Tzeentchery up in this comment.

[@Zeppongola]

According to cain's memoirs... as edited by amberly, of course. Always possible she's edited things to make herself sound more insightful/avoid the embarrassment of being known as an inquisitor who didn't realise his true personality after an extended relationship. Or maybe she edited them very faithfully, and that's exactly how it went. Unreliable narration is fun, and the cain series gives us a double-whammy of it to play with

[@jamesliu8095]

@@Zeppongola ‘Oh yes, the modest hero routine. You’ve got that one off pat, no question.’ She knocked back the rest of her drink in one, and signalled for another, leaving me gaping like an idiot. Her smile widened. ‘What’s next? “I’m just a humble soldier,” or “Trust me, I’m a servant of the Emperor?”’

[@Zeppongola]

​@@jamesliu8095 Yep, that's a quote from the book; just saying that since the books are framed as Cain's memoirs _as edited by Amberly,_ we don't know whether that exchange actually happened for example, or if she was fooled by his act until much later, and inserted that conversation into the memoirs herself to save face. (Note that I'm not suggesting that she _did_ make it up, just saying I enjoy how the nature of the books gives the reader a lot of wiggle room to make such interpretations with)

[@jamesliu8095]

@@Zeppongola however, even when Cain says negative things about amberly, she keeps them in but annotated it with a snarky comment. Also given that it matches Cain's writing style whenever he talks about a love interest, we can infer that this is Cain's actual words and that amberly had him figured out from the beginning.

[@Xalerdane]

My opinion on how good of a person Cain truly is was settled during the book where he was traveling to a dam in preparation for dealing with Chaos Hitler. The dam in question had actually been built to replace a dam Cain himself had destroyed a century ago while facing an Ork *_WAAAGH_* on that same planet. While thinking about that, Cain sadly realized that he could no longer remember the name of a now-dead person he’d fought alongside during that war, and figured it was just another bit of proof that he was a bad person.

[@alexh3974]

Il not a hero... also kills Chaos Hitler.

[@midnightflare9879]

My favourite part is when Cain meets the booze chugging, card playing battle sister. She donates all her wins to charity.

[@JoshMC2000]

Wasnt that the other teacher at the scollar who was his co worker

[@callumduckworth7490]

@@JoshMC2000 who was secretly boning the administratum guy

[@JinzoTK]

You know, I am so used to Amberly Vail intejecting whenever Cain says something negative about her that when you called her a smartass, I actually expected her to interject.

[@kalashnikovdevil]

Shit that would have been amazing lol.

[@go5083]

If they ever make a series with Cain I want there to be narration done by Amberley

[@darthrevan4933]

@@go5083I’m imagining that as being like how I met you mother and with amberly’s interjections and somehow it works

[@templarw20]

@@go5083 I'm now imagining Helen Mirrin as the elder Amberly. THAT level of calm snark. Though with the juvi treatments, she's probably barely past her 40s, physically. Maybe Karen Gilliam.

[@ssjjshawn]

​@@templarw20I mean Cain was pushing the edge if his Juvenats, especially as a Puritan Inquisitior, Amberly likely didnt out live Cain by more than a century

[@erichbohn4815]

Cain is just the opposite of Gotrek but in SPACE. He just keeps getting into bad situations and keeps winning. In short, Cain would be a horrible slayer.

[@JustSomeDude42]

I’m assuming the opposite part is that Cain does not seek death by big scary monster looking to vore him, does not want to go someplace deadly where something could vore him, and wants to go on to die of old age with minimal voreage?

[@cavemancult1999]

@@JustSomeDude42 Yes.

[@riccardo1796]

@@JustSomeDude42 and he did He died of old age after a stellar career as a commissar and a propaganda piece

[@crouchinglibcrab9527]

Technically Gotrek is also a terrible slayer

[@JustSomeDude42]

@@crouchinglibcrab9527 but he tries, and we love him for that.

[@cthulhubecausewhynot1182]

There actually is another win for an Avatar of Khaine in Valedor where it kills a literal mountain of Tyranids after being left on a planet following a failed Eldar assault on the remnants of a massive Hive Fleet. Seriously, read Valedor, it’s probably one of the only books that gives the knife-ears a decent showing.

[@samfire3067]

What happened with The avatar after?

[@cthulhubecausewhynot1182]

@@samfire3067 IIRC it evacuated as the planet died.

[@betternamepending9543]

Cain: I pretend to care and be nice to my regiment only so they'll protect me and not shoot me in the back. Also Cain: Knows pretty much the entire regiment by name. Non sequitur, but Jurgen's melta is the mvp of the entire book series.

[@ngominh259]

Oh man, the actinic flashes and the smell of ionising air... 😅 I've become too acquainted with Sandy Mitchell's phrasings.

[@anglerfishchan4294]

I still like the theory that Amberly is really just a teenage girl in the Imperium and having read the Imperial propaganda about Cain, she has written all of these "memoirs" as self insert fanfiction

[@roy6907]

Eh, too much classified knowledge, even if it’s all made up stories, the mere mentioning of concepts that are purposely censored with great effort and success by the Imperium proves the theory wrong. Though it is canon that there are fanfics of Cain across the Imperium. Dude was the face the Imperial Guard of entire sectors of space and had countless books made about him and his campaigns and even a cult of, ironically enough, hardcore Emperor worshippers that annoyed him to no end. Also, being the total bro he was, he hated most of the holodramas and books written about him since they always left out Juergen.

[@RafaelMartinez-mg5lg]

Cain is the definition of "Fake it until you make it" by infinity.

[@topcatcoast2coast579]

Otherwise knows as "Dress for Success!"

[@HeIsAnAli]

Unending Impostor Syndrome.

[@HubiKoshi]

Screaming internally all the way!

[@4realm8rusirius]

CI-CI-CI CIAPHAS CAIN HERO OF THE IMPERIUM

[@54032Zepol]

Hero of the imperium!!!

[@exiagan9721]

MOOD KINDRED?

[@4realm8rusirius]

@@exiagan9721 MOOD KINDRED!

[@HeIsAnAli]

*_UNENDING IMPOSTOR SYNDROME!_*

[@SchlopFlopper]

*[Ultra Comfort and Support]*

[@KaiserAfini]

Cain works on the same logic as the all guardsman party. Quality training, common sense and a self of self preservation, all characteristics that are desperately rare in the highest tiers of the setting. He is great, a tier of hero that makes a difference and that the common soldier can aspire towards.

[@VandalAudi]

Thus the Prophet spake, "Frak this! For my faith is a shield proof against your blandishments!"

[@Aliexster]

One thing that can't be understated is how he whips a regiment into shape. In one of the books, Colonel Kasteen berates the local guard that they are killing twice as many tyranids while taking only a third of their casualties. They're Vallhallans, the epitome of Soviet 'Drown them with our dead' strategies.

[@cookiesnake7216]

As I believe the man himself said “if the only way to survive is to charge the tyranid with a chain sword, you charge”

[@DarkZedCannon]

Digression is the better part of Valor sums up why I love Cain so much.

[@kimarous]

Discretion

[@TheKlink]

@@kimarous Secretions?

[@Vherstinae]

I was going to correct you that it's "discretion," but then realized that most of Cain's retreats lead him into even bigger fights. So I guess it is indeed digression.

[@Channel-23s]

Some funny moments when a salnesh Deamon turned into things that soldiers love or beautiful people Cain said to the Deamon “impersonation of a inquistor is a crime” to which the Deamon was caught off guard and shot and Veil was a bit happy narration wise about that part another would be Cain dodging a bullet by accident by looking at his female soldiers butt

[@oogskskfn]

This comment alone will make me start reading Cain. Normally a plot armor main character that barely skates by alright feels kind of corny in the 40k universe but this sold it

[@knukman]

it was a witch, not a demon. and he realised because jurgen came close enough to disrupt the magic.

[@stalinsoulz7872]

@@oogskskfn still funny tho cause Cain literally was like "damn that's Thicc and nice even the said female soldier likes Cain's oggling when she notices it and literally saved Cain from few inches to sudden unexpected death

[@alexanderblack8852]

@@stalinsoulz7872 Doubly so, when said female soldier... Is the commander of the very regiment Cain's attached to, Col. Regina Kasteen. That's right, he's been ogling a woman who is technically his superior.

[@HiggtasticVT]

@Alexander Black not entirely correct. The commiserate are not part of the chain of command so she is not technically a superior officer. They function outside the CoC as enforcers of morale. The only real time they are given "rank" is in weird cases like the tanith first and only with ibram Gaunt.

[@janewin2597]

Theory: Caiphas Cain only thinks he is a bad person because he has impostor syndrome on account of not wanting to die. He has been told his whole life that to want anything less than to die for the Emperor makes you less than human, so being just a little bit afraid of dying makes him think he is an irredeemable monster. Hence he always assumes the worst of his own actions, even if he is actually acting selflessly and with compassion to others.

[@notani3533]

Despite he considers himself a coward because of his self-preservation, there is one time that he took a somewhat heroic way to survive. The story 'The Traitor Ends' shows that rather than get away as far as possible from the planet that might be turned into a chaos portal, he decided to lead a strike team to end the ritual once and for all. His reasoning is that running away from the planet will get him killed by the firing squad or daemon coming into real space, so shutting it down is the best way for him to survive a bit longer. It's also funny that Cain often comments about Jurgen's terrible odour which is how he knows when Jurgen is present or not, but since Jurgen is a blank people usually don't notice him or are just filled with dread when he's present. It's a bit weird that Cain can take notice of Jurgen's presence all the time while others would always surprised when Jurgen caught their attention.

[@yaelz6043]

Maybe Cain is has repressed psychic potential? Kinda like Sevetar.

[@MyH3ntaiGirl]

​@@yaelz6043nope There are many time that he fail to detect Jurgen cause something mess with his smelling

[@inductivegrunt94]

Cain is one of the best characters in 40k! He is just a regular normal guy stuck in a literal hell among hells. He is exactly how we would act if we were in 40k. We're not heroes, we're cowards. And Cain is well an truly who we as fans would be if we were dropped into 40k.

[@xXKayn3Xx]

Speak for yourself I'd be sly marbo

[@inductivegrunt94]

@@xXKayn3Xx Looks like we found the one that dies first in the regiment.

[@somethinglikethat2176]

He's a conventionally brave character in a setting where suicidal bravery is the norm.

[@ZacharyPackard0976]

@@inductivegrunt94 "Glory to the first man to die"

[@gringe8025]

Same but i'd try to go for Mechanicus and then try to get in a Rogue Yrader retinue.

[@BigBWolf90]

Ciaphas Cain...a character built on self depreciation Also the thing with the daemon of Slannesh, not only did he sleep with her but killed her with a badass line when she showed him his heart's desire "...it's a crime to impersonate an inquisitor."

[@tomasdawe4423]

No he slept (or almost slept with) the Slanneshi sorceress Emeli - who he shot with the line "sorry I prefer blondes" - the line "impersonating an Inquisitor is a capital offence" was directed to a different sorceress and brothel owner

[@BigBWolf90]

@@tomasdawe4423 my bad. I got that information second hand

[@TheMythicalHaastsEagle]

I truly hope that if Cavill does Cain they 1/ get Cain's internal monologue sorted good 2/ show Cain's normality against the setting of double grim-dark

[@SWProductions100]

Cain does seem to work better if you already have some familiarity with 40k, though it wouldn't be impossible for a Cavill Cain show to establish the tone to a new audience. That said, it would be kind of hilarious if everyone's introduction to inquisitors was Amberley. Newbie: "So are all the inquisitors like that snarky, pretty and sorta ruthless lady?" 40k Veteran: "...have you ever heard of the war for Armageddon?"

[@benjamintherogue2421]

I feel like a Caphias Cain show would have to come after a couple of brutal shows to set the tone and hava an audience that expects main character deaths. That would make his show all the more impactful and stressful for the audience not knowing if he's going to make it or not.

[@0bzen22]

Cain can use Jürgen as his quiet interlocutor, if the 'memoire' format is too difficult to put on screen. Jürgen is kind of a weird one, but he could be used as a shoulder for Cain to cry on. Although, I'd love to see it represented as close to the books, with the added commentaries from Vail and Sulla, bringing into sharp contrast what Cain describes and what actually happened. The audiobooks are fantastic in that regard. Ciaphas Cain could definitely be a good introduction to 40K's grim-dark, where you can find comedy in the awfulness of it, kind of like in The Boys. Like the couple of times where Sororitas chapters unwittingly helped Chaos. Ouch.

[@SWProductions100]

@@0bzen22 You could have Cain occasionally talking to the audience, with Vail and Sulla sometimes doing the same.

[@TheMythicalHaastsEagle]

@@0bzen22 Agreed, having Cain 'whinging' his inner thoughts to Jürgen would be a good work around, although hard to do without Cain being a whiny little bitch. Straight to camera 4th wall break could be an option, imagine having Cavill as Cain stop to complain his monologue to the camera, whilst all around him the shit is hitting the fan. As for the grimdark, 'show don't tell', this first mess hall fight could show the ultra-violent 40k, and Cain's ' humor' breaking it up in one fell swoop. When I re-read the 1st book, kept hearing the song 'F@#K this sh!t i'm out' as Cain's theme.

[@dustind4694]

*Humanity's Last Actual Hero *Fighting Imposter Syndrome In A Galaxy Of Overconfident Lunatics

[@Nodjia]

My absolute favorite aspect of the Ciaphus Cain series is how all the artwork depicts him as a stoic, heroic boltpistol wielding statue of a man with a confident grin. I love his own thoughts about this depiction, how he hated that people kept trying to replace his beloved laspistol, which he admitted lacked firepower but would never give up because he was used to the weight and feel of the thing. The chainsword is the only part of the depiction which reflected reality, as even Amberley comments that he was strangely exceptional at close combat if for no other reason than he was so desperate to avoid being brutally murdered in melee. I love his character because, through Amberley's notes, we see that despite his internal feelings of cowardice and his attempts to coast through his duties, he actually performed his role as a commissar in a manner which few rarely achieve. He inspired loyalty, faith, and even love from those he served with. He provided key tactical insight and strategic foresight to those in command, and he most importantly didn't get his people killed due to overzealous fanaticism which is so common among those in his position. 40k stories are full of characters whose zeal outmatches their brains, and it's nice to see an inversion of the trope.

[@alexh3974]

That is part a oddity. He is so good at close combat, because he not want to die. Because he trains so hard and regularly in close combat. Theirs books he did combat drills for a month straight, as had nothing but time to kill. With a chainswoed, aka the most challenging to finesse weapon theirnis for a human.

[@toyer7327]

Cain is 100% a Hero to look up to. I mean he dosent even take cerdit for his work but claims its all done by others. The books about him are my Fav of all the 40k, followed by Night Lords!

[@JamesTobiasStewart]

I love that if you pay attention, you realise that one of the big reasons he hates almost all the in-universe narratives about him are that they conflate other people's achievements into his and they never so much as acknowledge Jurgen (Sulla served with Jurgen for decades and only ever obliquely mentions Cain's orderly bringing him something). So the supposedly PR hungry coward, gets angry because he's being given credit for things other people did and he doesn't think that's right. Plus just the fact that he values Jurgen enough to be offended on Jurgen's behalf, when Jurgen is supernaturally unlikeable.

[@54032Zepol]

Did you know that one time Sly Marbo was facing off against five orks at one time? He threw a grenade at them, killed them all, then the grenade exploded.

[@patches3555]

The Chuck Norris of 40k

[@TheDragonfriday]

It only exploded when sly marbo pick back up, use the explosion to cook his popcorn.

[@yuvalgabay1023]

Ogryns in darktide

[@samfire3067]

Sly marbo sleeps with a Gun , and under The gun IS The pillow.

[@samfire3067]

Sly marbo recharge IS lassgun and battery packs bathing in The Sun, naked.

[@quint3ssent1a]

Tbh it's more the case of Ciaphas just downplaying his own deeds, because he's just a nice guy like that. In some books there are interjections written by his tsundere gf inquisitor, and she points out that he's a smart man, a capable commander and a swordsman bordering on peak of human capabilities (like, he's no Astartes, but he can win almost any duel he reasonably can expect to win, with someone of his own size and strength.)

[@ambrosiogiovanni6952]

He won fair and square against an Ork Warboss, and held his own against two Khorne Berserkers, that are basically melee specialists Space Marines. So yeah, Cain is insanely talented as a swordsman.

[@Joawlisdoingfine]

He went up against A HIVE TYRANT. Jesus astartes can't even last a few seconds against that thing... Man, imposter syndrome is horrible

[@timothygrulke1308]

There was a scene in a one book where he did Spar with a Reclaimers Space marine and held his own quite well

[@ambrosiogiovanni6952]

@@timothygrulke1308 So... He actually won that duel, and the Space Marine was a techmarine, with more than two arms... So yeah. The Marine was so impressed, that he decided to leave the dent Cain did in his armor, to remember him.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

Cain if an Astartes would be up at Lucien levels of greatest swordsman of all time... he's at the level of greatest human Swordmasters of all time

[@Valandar2]

There's at least one incident where Cain had gotten far away to safety during an evacuation, and saw Amberly about to be overwhelmed. He ordered the pilot to return, fought his way to her, and helped her back to his shuttle to save her. And he can find absolutely no reason why he did so. This was the single most incontrovertible action of courage and selflessness he did, and his inability to accept this later in life means the incident passes without explaination - by him. Amberly's notes, however, comment with fondness that this was how she saw the real Cain, despite what he claims about his behaviour.

[@jimmyford-hill1925]

0:47 How did Lupin end up in 40k?

[@advancedcorianderbeing4673]

Spoiler for anyone who is new to Caiphas series, and personally the funniest part for me: he is probably the only Commissar known (so far) to be still on active duty even after his death, just in case he wasn't truly dead, buried with full honors. Man can't even retire no matter how much he tries.

[@templarw20]

I mean, being a teacher in Cain's Last Stand kind of was his retirement. As shown by the other teachers, that is how badasses retire in the setting.

[@everythingsalright1121]

Waiting to see him return as a living saint

[@A.DEN0]

This moment when a single character has more personality in his left testicles than Space Marines have in their entire faction

[@RetroRadianceLight]

Fuck the ultramarines

[@A.DEN0]

@@RetroRadianceLight fuck all space marines

[@HeIsAnAli]

>left testicles, plural. Gappy, that you?

[@reillycurran8508]

Part of me wonders if Cain keeps Jurgen around because having a blank around provides some assurance against getting his mind read by psykers, ergo protecting his reputation from his own constant internal panic. Also having never read the books I am now wondering if it's anything of a running gag for characters and groups normally written as getting their shit pushed in to actually turn out quite effective whenever Cain's around because Cain unwittingly has Huron Blackheart's ability to know when and where to best deploy the people he has to work with for their talents to have the most net positive effect. Like say having T'au allies provide cover fire and artillery support instead of just lettinh them end up in melee with something.

[@jakman2179]

That is actually one of his many reasons.

[@cabellones]

as far as I remember the books, Cain is a very good reader of Character and abuses of that to his advantage, but as he is out of the hierarchy of the Guard, his contributions to organization are limited.

[@somethinglikethat2176]

He'd been working with Jurgen for a while before he finds out he's a blank. Despite looking like a nurgling that became entangled with a random collection of guards kit, Jurgen is probably as good as any soilder in the Guard.

[@markowolianyk7696]

As he was stuck way behind the enemy lines on an Ork infested world. He gathered the civilians and the local military people. Had logistics assigned to an incredible accountant, had convos with civvies thus learning key locations of stashes of weapons and food, and with his commissarial and heroic position elevated the military ranks of people who's competence levels were respective to their positions etc. Etc. And In another book when he was stuck in a tight spot had the ability to tell the people he was stuck with what to do and to actually WIN. HE'S AWESOME!!! I have All of his books with me and reading them is as fun as the first time it did. Really nice read

[@blindlobster]

Cain originally had Jurgan (figurately) forced upon him by Cain's superior as a punishment masked as an award. (Cain was given an aide but he didn't get to choose who, his superior did, and the superior deliberately chose the least pleasant soldier to be around.) At first, Cain would have preferred a servant/employee who didn't stink but Cain quickly learned that Jurgan was both extremely loyal to him and made his life a lot easier. (Cain had employed Jurgan for a long time before he knew about Jurgan's blankness.) Jurgan did Cain's paperwork for him (Cain couldn't be bothered with paperwork and eventually that was a lot of paperwork), privately stole for Cain (Cain would say he wanted something, and Jurgan would mysteriously find a copy) no questions asked from either person and as Cain's career progressed, Jurgan could keep people who wanted to speak to Cain, away from him. Also Jurgan did tasks when necessary such as carrying heavy bags. So Jurgan was a bodyguard, valet and secretary... Also although on paper Jurgan was no longer a "soldier/guardsman," because he followed Cain into wars, there was little difference. Cain's life goal is to live as easy and safe life as possible, and Jurgan does a lot to help Cain maintain this. (If you are wondering why Cain is in the army when he wants a safe life, it is because he has never had a choice about his career. Also if Cain tried to "retire," he would be killed by his own side. A large aspect of his job (at first, at least), is to "violently remove" employees of the Imperial Guard who want to leave. Cain does what he can to avoid doing this.)

[@DreadPyriteBob]

One of my favorite moments was when Cain and Juergen are left alone on a space hulk filled with genestealers and orks. The atmosphere of him and Juergen utterly alone in the mass of ships was incredible

[@mikaelm5367]

Huh, the Sunless Sea Soundtrack An unexpected and cool accompaniement to my second favourite Warhammer character.

[@CocoHutzpah]

I like to imagine that James Bond has the same internal monologue as Ciaphas Cain and is only a master spy because everyone expects him to be and he fancies living. Also, I have not been able to find a copy of Savior of the Imperium and it's really burning me up that a 5 year old omnibus is so hard to find.

[@ArariaKAgelessTraveller]

Become a rogue trader and go priate it

[@Smeghead76]

It's available as an ebook collection on the Black Library website.

[@fva1835]

An Imperial officer is always require to carry a blank with you as an assistant to up the survival rate by 5%. The series also teach me how to differentiate between a normal space marine (Aquila Greeting) and a CogBoys Errand Marine (Cog Greeting)

[@basketcase289]

Cain is the series of audiobooks that I listen to when I know its going to be a shit week at work just because they make me smile

[@leothewhiteranger]

I'd like to note, Ciaphas Cain's achievements, both the lucky ones and his actual skill, have earned him a level of prestiege and respect that SPACE MARINES give him respect, something they are not required to do for anyone, let alone a Commisar. The Reclaimers chapter show him respect even Lord Generals don't always get. Hell, they respect JURGEN. The Reclaimers even let Cain use their training Chapel, something he compares to a senior priest opening a sepulchar and offering him a saint's bones, something Amberly even admits is barely exageratted.

[@someyorkguy1683]

For those wanting even more, a heavy inspiration for Ciaphas Cain was the book 'Flashman' and its sequels by George MacDonald-Fraser. They are historical fiction and fantastic books - heavily researched, interesting history and for the most part really funny!

[@johntowers1213]

the main difference being Flashmans a complete asshole with no redeeming character features.. but has the most amazing luck and the ability to look the hero when other people are watching.

[@cheeseninja1115]

I like to think that tzeentch is behind Cains impossible luck, as the god of fate he *has* to have a hand in the mans ungodly ability to have everything somehow work out for him

[@marsar1775]

i 100% believe this. and its funny too, which is possibly the reason tzeentch is doing it in the first place

[@yaelz6043]

Could be the emperor.

[@domchappell4775]

Tzeentch just doing it to piss off Slaanesh

[@rakisuzuki-burke4148]

@@yaelz6043 Tzeenctch and the Emperor agree on one thing, and that is Ciaphas Cain should keep living.

[@chrisbird4913]

Cain has an excellent tactical mind and thinks and acts quickly. In many of the stories they act as a Sherlock and Watson to the Moriarty of whatever they are facing.

[@jbark678]

Having watched Blackadder before finding out about 40k, seeing this character was like a lightbulb going off in my head.

[@razorburn645]

That's how I see it too. Blackadder in space!

[@JoshMC2000]

I read it after being told it was black adder in 40k

[@ousamadearudesuwa]

Man I love the fact that he is the bravest man in such a setting. Yes he has thoughts of being a coward, but heroes at heart are the ones to overcome their fear and what makes them afraid the most. He indeed overcome his greatest fears and was rewarded more than what most heroes ended up with, at least the mortal ones and has a better ending than most of them(considering how Commissars are).

[@skullsquad900]

15:38 first thing I found was a meme of Commisar Jonny Bravo hitting on the Slaanesh Princess. And that is how I will remember him from now on XD

[@Liz-sp9lb]

As a fella who recently got hired by a job I am in no way qualified for by more or less an accident, I relate to the funny commissar

[@alexh3974]

Embody his confidence, don,t show your fear and keep on going till you make it!

[@agentc7020]

Feel like doing an update?

[@Liz-sp9lb]

@@agentc7020 I got a raise recently, and my work crush thinks I’m cool

[@Ny-kelCameron]

Yes, a newly found favorite character of mine in the 40k universe. Don't know why it took me so long to start reading the Ciaphas Cain books....I've enjoyed each and every one so far. Moreover, Cain has introduced me to the Imperial Guard, a force that I have truly underestimated. But, let's all be honest to the true hero of these tales......my boy Jurgen!!

[@double1777]

Cain: I like running away Night Lords: …I like this one.

[@BADGER7ACTUAL]

My favorite is "Caintstead" both BEFORE and AFTER lmfao and the fact that happened and Cain laughed about it and called it ridiculous when he found out 😂😆😂😆😂😆

[@roy6907]

The best part was when he learned the Holodrama they made of his campaign there didn’t include Jurgen, he was legitimately kinda pissed. Also even fairly early on his career when he thought Jurgen died to a genestealer attack, he went into shock for pretty much the only time every in the books. Despite this being very early on in his career and only being with Jurgen for a few short years at this point, he saw him as his closest friend and always assumed that when he finally died, it would’ve been back to back with Jurgen in some epic last stand.