Clinton Baptiste The Psychic | Phoenix Nights | Peter Kay

Is there anyone here called John?
Phoenix Nights Series 1 Episode 3 'Clinton Baptiste' Jerry St. Clair has booked psychic medium Clinton Baptiste (Alex Lowe) for the club, following a recommendation by Den Perry. Jerry seems oblivious to the fact that Den Perry wants the Phoenix Club to fail. Brian and Jerry then have to attend a fire safety seminar at the Banana Grove Club presented by Keith Lard (from That Peter Kay Thing), who was arrested for "interfering" with dogs, but was acquitted due to lack of evidence. After the meeting, Lard tells Brian he will be inspecting the club immediately to ensure it meets safety standards. Jerry and Brian rush back to the club before Keith inspects it, but a run-in with the police delays them and Keith shuts the club down for being unsafe. Never a quitter, Brian blackmails Lard with a faked photo of Lard's head on the body of a semi-nude man (with a dog) so that he re-opens the club. However, the event they re-open for, the psychic night, forces Brian to refund all his guests after Clinton Baptiste tells a bit more about the future than the guests would like. The auditioning act at the end of the episode is a bad juggler, breaking his props.
Phoenix Nights Is The misadventures of club owner Brian Potter who is determined to make The Phoenix Club the best working men's club in Greater Manchester.
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[@mrcaboosevg6089]

'I'm getting the word... Nonce' is possibly the best TV line in history

[@BigDylan66]

Sir Jimmy Savile probably not best comment for you to reply to

[@amandas3252]

Sir Jimmy Savile why would you have that as your name

[@paulfitzpatrick6290]

Such a line

[@gerwulfthered154]

@Sir Jimmy Savile You are looking good Jimmy.

[@MrSeanL25]

It is. Hahahaha. Fukn love Phoenix nights.. Haha

[@AndyGinny1]

At the start when he comes in after the big voice over and thunder and lightning then says “alright” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 gets me everytime

[@benwinder_]

😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[@mrfreeland123]

Literally everytime 😂

[@hjt2236]

It's pure comedy. Such a brilliant little moment. Even how he holds the mic as he says it.

[@codered3009]

What a legend x😊

[@felicitydavey2371]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Adam-qf8ps]

“I’m getting the word... nonce” has honestly stuck with me for years 😆. It randomly pops up in my mind. I’m gonna have to watch Phoenix Nights again.

[@reglockyer9234]

yeah me too...fantastic!!!!😂

[@davefb]

We saw the Phoenix Nights live one.. Christ on a bike it was painfully funny :D

[@martycrush6412]

And me🤣🤣🤣

[@milo04]

Me to fucking classic Now look what shite we got on TV now no wounder there's so many alcoholics Including me 😉

[@tomthomas9708]

I'm not surprised that word has stuck with you.

[@88HEATHENWOLF]

"I'm getting the word.....Nonce" i don't care how many times you watch it that's still funny.

[@anthonykeen4437]

Plagairist

[@LivesInLibertyCity]

Biggest guy in the room too 😊

[@boum62]

Fabulous comedy 😂

[@lordbottaro4549]

“Heavy duty black bin bags Whether bi or straight or bender” 😂😂😂

[@lsmoulton]

"no matter what your gender"

[@BurtReynoldstash]

That had me chuckling away. As much as “who can’t have children” lmao 🤣

[@marcusbravo8531]

This was WAY before people got offended at ANYTHING!!

[@BurtReynoldstash]

@@marcusbravo8531 Can you imagine trying to be a comedian these days. They can’t say anything at all. Even the ones who you’d expect quips like this eh. It’s all a bit silly, by today’s standards Peter Kay cancelled. The blokes up there with the best the U.K. has ever had stage

[@JaythePandaren]

@@marcusbravo8531 I'm Bi and I find nothing wrong with this. But it is true if you said bender today BBC would of faced the whole Wrath of Twitter

[@birminghamchris9377]

Phoenix Nights is up there with British classics such as Fawlty Towers, Dads Army etc. Brilliant script and acting. Comedy gold.

[@ianbeauchamp9944]

Absolutely. It is definitely one of the greats

[@richarddrake5596]

Even how he doesn’t get on the stool smoothly 😂 Genius scene!

[@carolefranks5489]

I still can't do the weekly big shop without singing 'come and get your black bin bags, they're on offer till December!' 😆

[@josephbland3904]

Just rip with me , just rip with me.. & tear with me right now…. 😂😂😂.

[@lsmoulton]

..............whether bi or straight or bender. 😄

[@gandalfthegay420]

That and the " Corned beef ,with chips or with salad, its corned beef even Buckingham Palace eats corned beef....."

[@adaesco]

This show needs a comeback, just rewatched both series. Still holds up, mad was 20 years ago

[@jul30ie]

Apparently Peter Kay wrote a 3rd series but never made it. The script must already be there. I really hope they do it one day…. 🤞

[@adaesco]

@@jul30ie that would be great. Watched him couple of weeks ago live in walsall. Soooo funny

[@indiekiddrugpatrol3117]

@@jul30ie apparently it's cause he fell out with the one singing about bin bags, forgot the cunts name 🤣

[@horatiowolfe9025]

I got like 2 episodes left and I totally agree. Still hilarious at times now

[@jackcogi9586]

im still waiting on season 2 of max and paddy

[@DeanMoxley87]

I’m Getting The Word ………………………..Nonce Still Kills Me To This Day

[@elvingtonred]

And me

[@5timesmanctwats]

I absolutely pissed myself when he said am getting the word NONCE!!!😂😂😂

[@paulmcdonough1093]

me to I just cracked up on the couch

[@supernovagirl5741]

The pause before he said it 😂

[@5timesmanctwats]

@@paulmcdonough1093 brilliant 👌👌

[@Nigsy_2008]

When the camera comes back to him and he says "Don't worry love, you'll still be able to visit" and the poor old lass is in tears. Christ knows what he told he!!! Haha

[@star.cat.]

😂

[@Kenneth-cn8dx]

Probably something about her son being in jail

[@andymerrett]

@@Kenneth-cn8dx maybe he's the nonce.

[@jg41709]

The delivery of ‘I’m getting the word… NONCE!’.. Not just the way he says it but the hand movements and that little brief silence before the ‘nonce’- has me howling every time 😂😂

[@31144]

His foot slipping off the stool at the beginning is comedy genius 😂😂😂

[@lindsaylouise1984]

I used to work for Asda years ago when I was a student and Dave Spikey actually made a star appearance and sang the black bin bag song just like this in the foyer! I was literally starstruck!

[@andymerrett]

wouldn't be allowed these days.

[@dtutssel]

Literally?

[@cherrybrandy269]

Phoenix Nights was a terrific comedy series. Bring it back for another season.

[@chrislambe400]

So talented, nearly pissed meself when he opened with "alright"

[@warrenc1829]

I have to come back and watch this every so often. Absolutely piss-funny. “I’m getting the name John…is there a John in the audience..?”

[@highdownmartin]

And the slightly staggered chorus of yes yeah yes yes yeah mumbled out

[@maxinearcher-barrett3505]

😂

[@warrenc1829]

@@highdownmartinand the resigned look and shrug when she says it’s not terminal… 😂

[@garethdwright91]

The gesture he makes after telling Debbie it's terminal 😂

[@SWINDLA87]

😂 He's only passing on a message from the spirits afterall..

[@redlady935]

😂

[@keithcole9904]

The whole show is brilliant they really nailed this! am i right?

[@gweilospur5877]

No.

[@martycrush6412]

You’re not wrong

[@paigeleigh2554]

Absolutely!

[@Smilejustsmilebby]

Nonce!

[@noobdave]

The spirits are telling me you are right

[@gothikia]

Properly taking the piss out of Derek Acorah 😂

[@steveferridge7215]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@jlee4545]

Funniest Phoenix Night's scene for me. Has me in stitches every single time 😂👍

[@davidhoward2487]

I think the horse one was a killer!!....

[@jlee4545]

Ha, yeah love that scene too! I think Gerry St Clair's "catch the moon" is amazing too, when he's totally off his box 🤣

[@leeandrew6555]

It’s good but “did he have false teeth” wins it for me.

[@askinator7850]

This is perfection, everything single aspect. Even the way he stumbles onto the chair, its absolutely brilliant

[@Kenneth-cn8dx]

That stumble still makes me laugh

[@supernovagirl5741]

I've only just noticed he was looking at that girls necklace which said S when he tried to guess her name lmao

[@stevo1846]

Thats Peter kays wife in real life

[@lea-rw5cb]

Yer I've watched Derren brown he doesn't like physics and shows how they do it, all about body language

[@waqasahmed939]

@@lea-rw5cb I'm sure he has no issue with physics lol

[@decgar07]

“Yaaalright?”

[@jennycoyle8204]

SameoldDecgar07 my favourite part still recite it to this day 😂😂😂

[@ronniekray1984]

Jenny Coyle same 😂😂

[@nightnightninja8211]

Gets me every time 🤣

[@kirisweeks8673]

Just been crying laughing at that! 😂😂

[@Joanna7428]

Still like entering a room with that announcement 🤣

[@williambuchanan8607]

British comedy at it's best, Northern working men's clubs in the 70s & 80s better than Vegas.

[@derekrushton1705]

I've been to Las Vegas & The Embassy. Bernards Club was the funniest.

[@ali-ej6rv]

I just realised he only knows her name begins with S because of her necklace🤣

[@AC-fq1zg]

I didn't notice that

[@_Super_Hans_]

Never noticed that, this is what I love about Phoenix Nights, it's the most layered comedy I've ever seen.

[@tamhaswoods9056]

Hands down the best one-off character in the entire series. Nobody comes close :D

[@niallmcgrath8606]

'Hands up who can't have children' is my favourite line in this.

[@ms4113]

She were young "in herself" 🤣

[@sarac.3259]

And then she slowed down.. 😂

[@seanyboyoc]

It’s the small things as well as the dialogue that makes this genius. The slight stumble getting up on the chair sets the tone of the scene. Gervais was the same in The Office. True mark of genius and the way Clinton is played by the amazing Alex Lowe

[@Lisa-yj2hd]

Peter Kay is a Comic genius, his work such as phoenix nights should get more credit. Its so cleverly funny

[@_Quint_]

HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO WHEN MAN WALKED THE EARTH. Like that timeframe was the dawn of mankind 😂

[@williameggly145]

Saw Clinton’s stand up show in London recently. What Alex Lowe has done with the character is sublime. One of the funniest shows I’ve been to. Impeccable timing and delivery.

[@tacheovale]

So so funny. He's got Dereck Acorah off to a tee! Brilliant

[@willlaw1672]

didnt he try sue peter kay about this and he lost and hes had the pisstake out of him ever since the fraud

[@all4Hisgloryalone2Tim215]

If you thin this is "so so funny" ...I have some paint drying you will thin is hilarious.

[@tacheovale]

@@all4Hisgloryalone2Tim215 No worries mate, you can hang on to those paint videos for the time being, I just watched a couple of your preaching videos! Especially the ones where literally noone was listening to you. Funniest thing I've seen in the last 15 years! 🤣

[@jennycoyle8204]

tacheovale big time 💖😂😂😂😂

[@marcprimo1471]

@@willlaw1672 he's dead

[@robertwrites925]

I love everything about this, even his little stumble when he gets on his stool, so perfect. Spirits very strong tonight..... Hey oh!

[@patrickhodkinson25]

Is there a John in the audience 😂

[@sanchez-ro6gl]

Is there a john in the audience "yep" "yes" "yeah" " yes" 🤣

[@jondellar]

I just love the total gibberish introduction ("hundreds of years when man walked the planet, he had no real means of communication..." 😂😂 "In time, he developed a phenumenuh [sic]..." 😅😅😅

[@anorakus8272]

Y'ALRIGHT 🤣

[@matbroomfield]

Precisely as effective as the "real" psychics.

[@elainekerslake6865]

More accurate in my experience of Derek Acora and Colin Fry.

[@matbroomfield]

@@elainekerslake6865 :-) you're probably correct!

[@eddieroadrunner6691]

Psychics are full of shit lol

[@leejones6995]

@@broceliandeforest7420 Are you implying that's a bad thing?

[@davehoward22]

"Dont worry love,you'll still be able to visit"...😃

[@tpbfangirl]

What does that mean? Lol

[@chriskearney1745]

​@@tpbfangirlfamily member or friend is going to jail.

[@thesedreamsarefree]

@@chriskearney1745 Or maybe her time is up but she'll be able to visit through a seance?

[@chrismelton4418]

Kenny Senior looking around confused and shaking his head kills me every time haha

[@sisulart]

The black bin bag song is brilliant. lol This was a wonderful show.

[@fiona-lyons]

I love the black bin bags song....

[@rebelwithoutapplause5629]

The original is called "forget me nots" by Patrice Rushen,

[@SeanScot36]

This is close to what happens at “an evening of clairvoyance”, a lot of the male psychics are often quite camp.

[@ajh90210]

She was quite young when she died? ......................... 93

[@Enochthegreat71]

Slowed down towards end.

[@rogerpattube]

But she were young at ‘eart.

[@edstraker8451]

I'm watching this again for the umpteenth time and still get a giggle. Classic stuff.

[@terryduckworth5105]

Awww this clip kills me 😂 Yalright!!

[@cyrilrogan4069]

Best work Peter Kay has ever done...

[@MichaelThomas-be7gq]

Two of my all-time favourite bits of comedy all in five minutes..... thank you for making me laugh, need it right now.

[@jackfletcher5873]

“This is Chorley fm cumin in your ears” 😂😂 0:49

[@mickd6942]

Jack Fletcher chorely fm where the listener comes first lol

[@Mike-ir9fx]

Drinking from a vase🤣🤣🤣 peter Kay absolutely brilliant 🤣💯✅

[@chriskearney1745]

It was the only vessel that would reach the optics!

[@ajh90210]

Whether Bi or Straight or Bender :) lol the days you could say that :)

[@ianheaver3217]

Yes indeed , the days before PC madness killed comedy!

[@ridanann]

these days eh these days these day eh eh stfu u old tossers

[@PaulWalker-tx8qq]

@@ridanann I believe Ian rests his case.

[@ridanann]

@@PaulWalker-tx8qqits not that comedy doznt take the piss anymore it is simply taking piss out of ignorant boomers. ignorant boomers who complain when there the targets comedyisnt dead its u'll who are dead or close eh

[@PaulWalker-tx8qq]

@@ridanann I'm 37 years old so I'm kinda stuck in the middle with this one. All I know and in my own personal opinion is that the youth of today will never know what it was like to live in a world without having to constantly look at a screen. People interacted and understood eachother a lot more and weren't so easily butt-hurt and offended about everything. You should try watching Bernard Manning you would have a hissy fit with some of the shit he used to come out with.

[@mwc1988]

“And it is terminal, isn’t it?” 🤣

[@Benstroyer]

4:23 the most iconic scene of brittish television

[@laetitialogan2017]

Thanks Peter, we NEED this right now

[@dilwynroberts-young7312]

That stumble when he climbs on the stool! 😂

[@rangerwhite5165]

"And it is terminal, isn't it"? What a sketch. Just brilliant.

[@louisemagill8295]

The way he holds his hands up and walks away when she says "no?" 😂😂 i've just burst out laughing in work after watching it again for the hundreth time 😂😂😂

[@TheTechGiantYouTube]

This phenomenon is ....... CLINTON BAPTIEST! ya alright 🤣

[@roberth254]

"Ya right" 😆😆😆 the greatest introduction.

[@stevenevans5622]

One man Clinton Baptist............. you alright! (Camp as Christmas) 😂😂😂😂

[@georgepatrick4339]

Just reminded me I need to get some more bin bags for the kitchen 👍

[@smithy9090]

George Patrick same here

[@theposthumanpodcast]

Clinton did a comedy show local to me a couple of months ago and absolutely killed it.. Super funny!!

[@markgoscinski3509]

When he asks Brian "am i getting paid" and Brian replies "can you read minds"

[@paulcook8449]

I love this scene so much. It's addictive to watch 😂

[@andrewstratford4753]

This is classic comedy at its best wish we could have a second series to cheer us all up.

[@JansonSmith]

He’s just done a 15 minute special on his channel it’s hilarious

[@georgegriffin1994]

They did 2 series of this! But I get your point! Definitely need another series!

[@maverickmic]

Never understood why there wasn't another max and paddy then a 3rd Phoenix nights to round it off. They've gone Spain maybe to make it there after some small successes back homd

[@nebraskajones7593]

@@maverickmic Because the other writers wouldn't put up with his bullshit, same reason most of his stuff seems to end. Sad really cause he's absurdly talented but it comes with an ego the size of Bolton - his book is stunning, 300 pages talking about how he was born a fucking genius and just went from there. Always hoped they'd make up and we'd finally get another series but given half the cast's pushing pensionable age now the door seems to be closing. Shame.

[@craigrfoley]

Getting me through lockdown these

[@scottbuckley823]

'young in herself ' hahaha

[@leeandrew6555]

Don’t tell me your name” to the Woman wearing an S around her neck “sha, Su, Sar, Sal...” - “Sonia...” -“SONIA!!!”

[@lennydicko]

Comedy genius was Phoenix Nights 😂😂

[@djc7378]

What a legend had a 50 birthday message from him watch it millions of times 😂

[@MrJ-ro1yr]

20 years later and I still use that line

[@andyc1749]

Some of the best comedy genius ever! Ha ha ha! Magnificent stuff!!!

[@gowiththeflowbee8053]

*Y'all right?* that delivery is flawless lol

[@mysticallymerry5523]

"D'you want one of these for the station". 🤣😂

[@dazh1295]

Russ Conway "Side Saddle" - Why? 🤣🤣🤣🤣! Peter Kay you are an absolute genius!

[@smithyc2051]

Seriously bring this back peter 😂

[@jfro5867]

Sooooooo funny. Well written and of course acted. The black bin bag song will stick with me forever ….

[@jacobrumens9601]

Come and get your black bin bags! 😂

[@nezbit8989]

He captures the nerve endings of comedy 👌

[@sueturner9468]

I can tell you that Alex (aka Clinton) is the nicest man, and this character should have been the subject of a spin-off series.

[@heavensentshe6309]

i'm getting the name, john...is there a john in the audience...ha ha, lots of them!

[@JohnWilson-qf5tk]

You called....

[@streetsoundselectro124]

One of the best skits. Great acting from alex

[@adrianh332]

This is actually a very good lesson in how psychics work and deceive people

[@Griffo5446]

I never tire watching this

[@pontericky3506]

One of the best ever scenes in TV history!

[@hugodrax71]

"I'm getting the name...I'm hearing the name...John!" 🤣🤣

[@jasonthross1982]

Seen him live a few weeks back. Absolutely hilarious

[@darrencarr9176]

Saw Clinton live...... BRILLIANT SHOW

[@mattmurdoch4345]

When he stumbles to get on the stool 🤣

[@irisdainter6507]

How can you not like this. Classic.

[@thesylly86]

“You’re spelling it wrong! You’re spelling it wrong! What’s pyskick? Must be psychic, TIT!!” 🤣🤣🤣

[@paulfranciosi7236]

Really enjoyed the show.Pure comedy gold.

[@JayFreezy86]

Just the name itself. Clinton Baptiste. It's absolutely perfect. "You alright?"

[@MrSeanL25]

British comedy gold this Phoenix nights you know!

[@countrymusicbydode9280]

What a pure belter !!! Sheer genius 😂

[@tnewton1988]

Love how Potter nudges the person infront of him to concentrate as he’s on 😅

[@NSYresearch]

Some of the best comedy ever on TV....

[@colmcq]

best representation of cold reading

[@bulldog1066jpd]

The auditions always got me.... 😂😂😂

[@chrisbarker9852]

is there a john reading this ?...is there a john?

[@mrwidestrides4802]

I think you mean me…..*wow* I mean I have an Uncle John but *wow*

[@JohnBruceGuitars1]

Right hands up who can't have children!! There is so much in that 3 minutes the spectacular opening then he says yaright priceless!! Young at heart and the way the crowd get shocked all the time