Co-Founder Conflict & Why I Quit my Startup | How to Fix a Dying Company | Founder’s Journey: Ep.2

Co-founder disputes are the No. 1 early startup killer, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Learn how success masks conflict, how too little AND too much conflict create an issue, and how to ACTUALLY get help and SAVE your company.
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1:05 How Success Masks Co-Founder Conflict
1:42 Too Little Conflict
4:14 The Four Horsemen
5:49 Too Much Conflict
10:47 Solution Get Help!
I’m Garry Tan, venture capitalist and founder at Initialized Capital. We were earliest investors in billion dollar startups like Coinbase and Instacart, and I’m a Forbes Midas List Top 100 venture capitalist in the world. We want these videos to be about helping people build world-class teams and startups that touch a billion people. Our startups have gone on to create more than $40 billion in market value so far, and Initialized has over $770M in assets under management.
Please like this video and subscribe to my channel if you want to see more videos like this!
Find me on Instagram where I can answer your startup advice questions by DM -
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[@henrykwan1932]

Garry, the reason why you couldn't sleep is cause you left your glasses on

[@GarryTan]

HAHAHA omg

[@elrosspangue7443]

😹😹

[@slimmette]

Lolol

[@henrykwan1932]

Hey Garry, hope you see this. I just sent you a message on LinkedIn

[@selloselomo6998]

​@@GarryTan3:58

[@gerard_donnelly]

"How did you become such a good leader?” someone asked Nelson Mandela. “Because I learned to speak last,” Mandela succinctly replied. Listening and letting others know you've taken on board what they've said is such a good trait. If you disagree, the fact that they know you understand their point of view is often enough to avoid a conflict.

[@GarryTan]

Absolutely. Great point

[@jefftatarchuk]

So good! My co-founders and I use a tool called the JAR (Judgments, Assumptions, Resentment). It's a safe space for us to share anything that might be in our JAR to share and get clarity from the rest of the team and be able to sort through it no matter how small or embarrassing it might be. We were growing so fast in the beginning that we needed these types of meetings regularly. Now it's sporadically but still necessary.

[@TheLastCodebender]

I have a heard a good analogy once, finding a cofounder is like marriage. Except you will spend more time with them than with your spouse, so take the time to choose wisely.

[@Sankids]

I’m starting my first company at 27 in Thailand and your videos are my guidebook. Thanks man!

[@GarryTan]

Best of luck!

[@AbielZulioM]

The fact that I love Garry Tan's channel so much is because he provided an English sub, which is helping me a lot to learn many new perspectives about startups. Love from Indonesia, keep up the excellent work, Garry!

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!

[@vanhelsing4454]

I just commented to feed the youtube algorithm 😁

[@GarryTan]

Legend!

[@vanhelsing4454]

@@GarryTan your videos are really helpful 🙂

[@hdhdushsvsyshshshs]

X2 🧐

[@motelejesuolamilekan1950]

KZbin algorithm here..just found and swallowed you👀

[@psykonauta]

Yeah!

[@rupjolly]

Great video as usual. I think every company like you said has some form of cofounder conflict. Building companies is tough with lots of pressure, sometimes our ideal selves don't always show up. I think you nailed it. More often than not, we don't get help and everyone suffers as a result. Thanks for bringing up the coaching piece

[@abhiglad]

Thanks for this video. I think a management lesson that founders need to learn is how to manage communication and conflict. A key lesson I learnt during an Organizational behavior class is to a) Have an open communication and address conflict for a relationship that matters, b) Avoid conflict if the relationship doesn’t matter in the long term. The issue with conflict avoidance is that it leads to bad precedent and organization going down a wrong path and setting harmful cultural practice. I love that you brought this to fore. Thanks for a critical conflict management lesson.

[@GarryTan]

Thank you for watching and for your thoughtful comment Abhishek!

[@WordsPictures997]

Garry YOU ARE SUCH A GIFT! Thank you so much for this. I really needed this. You've just called me out in such a helpful way in business and my personal life. Thank you Sir!

[@GarryTan]

You are so welcome

[@dogarumarius3490]

One of the most insightful videos I have seen in a long while. Brilliant work! Keep these coming - I absolutely love your style & your way of thinking.

[@GarryTan]

Awesome, thank you!

[@kristopherleslie8343]

So far the only conflicts I’ve had are with myself snd doubting my ideas have merit and value. I’ve pivoted by taking time to think about what matters to me and things I’ve managed to forget to handle. I took some time and I’ve slowly made myself accountable for other things and fix things out of order! That helped me get rejuvenated to get my ideas moving. Undoubtedly I’ve lost a lot of friends and family as of late so working through the depression and trying to still release my projects. Thanks for the inspiration!

[@cupertinosteve4771]

Thank you Garry. You’re such a great storyteller ... you experience, you reflect, you distill and you share. Such generosity. For me, I do have a company I run ... but every time you say “startup”, I hear “the startup of me” ... I just hear life lessons that are universal and lead to a meaningful life. It’s not just what you ... but how you do it, why you do it and who you do it with. Thank you.

[@GarryTan]

Thank you for your kind note

[@MrGeorgeCheng]

Investor: Do you have too much or too little conflict with your cofounder? Founder: Both.

[@GarryTan]

Haha this is so true.

[@this.is.lapc506]

Depends on who you ask.

[@naki6355]

This is hilariously accurate. More often than not, it's too little conflict in the large, key decisions and too much conflict with the lower priority tasks.

[@helixquar]

The great thing about your content is even though they are framed in the context of a startup, a lot of concepts also apply to a lot of other things. This video is basically love/relationship advice.

[@Aavanth88]

This hit the spot. Thank you. I recall these days from my own startup. We were 4 co-founders and two (majority shareholders) were going head to head all the time in the early days of the company. Everything was going well, we were making money, however, the future became so uncertain due to this conflict. At one point I proposed to moderate the conflict as a third party, after months of witnessing the conflict I knew that I was not able to outsmart them, but I could outcalm them. My sole focus became, offset the flow of panic between them, and the best way of doing this was through active listening and vicarious embodiment - trying to put myself in their space so that the other party had to listen through a vessel. It was by far the hardest part of my job but it worked. Sometimes the hardest discussions require the least amount of words, we have since made it a policy that all conflicts between executives are to be moderated by a third party. We call them empathy advisors and their only job is to offset flow of panic and outcalm parties when they become too heated.

[@godwinhschan]

Such an important message to get out there. I've already made the mistake of being conflict-avoidant in one of my earlier ventures, so these are some great tips to keep in mind moving forward.

[@ebrahimmoamer9198]

Thank you Garry for the really priceless content and videos you create. It is really hard to miss one.

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!

[@TheLastCodebender]

1:19 when he said "And when my business needed me and my cofounder the most" I thought he would follow up with "we vanished" (Avatar reference 😂)

[@gjbaan2860]

just came across your videos and i am very glad i did! catching up on all your videos. great insights, knowledge sharing, your honest and calming manner are great attributes. cannot wait for the next video to be shared by you!

[@raulcame3880]

This subject personally cannot be stressed enough... We are a young startup and I follow the 5Dysfunctions of a team religiously and even then conflict falls through the crack because I now know why ... I don’t confront them enough... Big Thanks Garry!

[@GarryTan]

Good luck Alfred!

[@ericllam]

I was skeptical clicking on this video but this is really good advice, having been in a 4 person founding team for 7 years now

[@stevekiarie2001]

Great insights. Really appreciated. You've made me see the four horsemen in a new way. 🙏

[@n8style]

your videos are so good, they're gold dust, thank you for making them

[@GarryTan]

Thank you for watching!

[@ibrand23]

Such an important point to work on these skills when things are going well and avoiding avoidance, this doesn't get talked about enough. Also, healthier to work on it when you are sober, not in the heat of the moment. Love the stories from experiences... so helpful!

[@adamsmaase2581]

I’m standing on point X , just resigned from one on Friday after 4 years of building and no breathing ... painful lessons... too much conflict ( and no structures). You’re explaining is spot on for the symptoms.

[@DwaynedPearce]

Mn this channel is amazing I subscribed a week ago and I already feel more certain about what I should do next. Thanks a lot and please keep sharing.

[@ketnaa]

Some amazing and (for me) revelatory insights. Thank you!

[@retardedmonkeywithaids]

Great Video! The Information Is Crystal Clear, Cut's Straight Within Any Fluff.

[@couragecoachsam]

So much of what you say is what my wife and I talk about with our clients. A sometimes advantage to our clients, entrepreneurial couples, is that they’ve already committed themselves to each other

[@Jsmith1611]

As always Garry dropping the knowledge. This will def help me as a PM work with my developers and stakeholders.

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!

[@barrywinata]

Great job on another valuable and cerebral video. Your insight into foundership and funding is priceless. I'm a founding engineer and part-time Angel here in SV with startup experience and thinking of now making the shift into investing and the VC world. Your insights are helping me bridge that gap.

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for your kind words Barry!

[@ghaffarellis]

I had to watch this twice, thank you.

[@andrewdunyo7427]

Gary, thank you so much for this. You are like a guardian angel.

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!

[@yeeboy217]

thank you for sharing this; this video came to me in an extremely relevvant time, I started a little company/ business with a friend in december of last year... and a lot of these conflict questions and misalignment in vision between founders has been cropping up. I'm not sure what the future holds, but this video gave me good framework for what questions to be asking. thanks for sharing the story and lessons with us Garry! all the best -Rafif

[@GarryTan]

You can get this right. It takes work but you’ve got this.

[@yeeboy217]

@@GarryTan thanks, even if it does not work out or it fails i will learn a lot ... but i will try to make it work and use some of the strategies you propose. thanks!

[@MrKeithRokz]

Thanks for this video. I need this now. Have a great day! Garry !

[@mirhasanzade7383]

Summing up whole content: The key is communication!

[@ismxil]

Thanks for doing this Gary!

[@Elena-yk7ne]

this was so so helpful! Thank you!!!

[@TheAChal147]

Good insight Garry. I haven't experienced any of these yet with my co-founder, less than a year in, but I'm glad I have some tools to identify red flags now.

[@quixfilmz3409]

Reminds me of Mythbusters. Look up the relationship between Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage. While not friends, the things they achieved in the show are incredible

[@MarcusChaiT_T]

Commented for the algorithm too. I love your videos, ur channel deserves more.

[@ashadeepbaruah8936]

Thank you, Garry

[@imranahmed-gt8ct]

Love your videos Garry . Very informative for us aspiring entrepreneurs

[@wowcowba]

Hey Gary, thanks for sharing this. Being through the tough time.

[@omarashrafhassan]

If more people adopt the steel man technique when they are resolving team conflicts, the world would be in a greater place! People will feel that they will be heard and that they don't need to be over defensive!! Thanks, Garry for this great content! I include your videos as part of my additional videos/readings for my Business Management courses at Duke!

[@GarryTan]

Thank you Omar!!

[@makeaniiimpactYT]

This is so important in just regular human to human interaction.

[@Sanjeed]

Thanks for the insights and for being really honest here ❤️

[@ChiCho1400]

Brilliant advice as always. Thank you Garry!

[@GarryTan]

Thank you!

[@gaurmmec]

I needed this...i m going thru this right now..Thanks

[@motelejesuolamilekan1950]

Love, Garry, from Nigeria, thanks

[@justthej]

Thanks for this video. Very timely. ❤️

[@michaelolajide3914]

Thank for this wonderful piece, Garry.

[@GarryTan]

Thank you Michael!

[@IdowuObadeyi]

Goodness gracious! This is so true for ALL FACETS OF LIFE. Thanks man!

[@GarryTan]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@erikvenegas5688]

Needed this video thank you!!

[@foodforyourbrainphyophyoaung]

I used to have this issues with my co founder.

[@GarryTan]

I think the trick is to always have the *right amount* of conflict in the *right way* :-)

[@pradhumnkanase8381]

Thank you Garry!

[@gamedaycanvasf1]

this is very helpful....thank you

[@rightright6582]

Wow. Thank u for sharing what we go thru.

[@GarryTan]

You are so welcome

[@mysticjaarse]

Thank you very much sir!! 🙏🙏

[@blacksablier4891]

Thank you so much Garry 🙏!

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!!

[@kohsinyee]

Thanks for sharing!

[@valcatt5975]

Great video! Be clear from the start about the vision and goal of the company...

[@rendelx]

Really solid video and information

[@adityamotla8903]

Thanks Garry 🔥❣️

[@MrJameskoo]

Strongly agree to the idea of getting external help. Having a mentor or coach in my startup journey help a lot!

[@GarryTan]

It takes a village...

[@naomiwilliams8850]

What's your start up?

[@MrJameskoo]

@@naomiwilliams8850 I am building a social commerce startup for Food & Beverages

[@cocoarecords]

a gem among the channels

[@lunchroomballer]

The type of video I flag to rewatch every few weeks

[@sandboxes]

This is exactly one of the issues with first startup. And loved the call out to Gottman! Has helped in my marriage, and would have been so useful in my cofounder relationship :) Thank you for sharing these videos!

[@GarryTan]

Thanks for watching!

[@hometechkh]

Another great content 💕

[@hiteshreddy4510]

Good one

[@amorosogombe9650]

This is so true. I have experienced this and now I feel I prefer to work solo.

[@MinimalDuck]

Just listened to you on Clubhouse and totally relate with you! I just started on KZbin Jan 1st.

[@jasonwee7580]

This is valuable, thanks Garry! Finding a cofounder sounds like starting a startup within a startup, just as much risk, execution, and high chance of failure. Would you advise a solo founder to seek out a cofounder if no one comes in mind, or continue going solo if the task juggling is not a problem? Thanks again!

[@jacquib256]

Did he reply as I’m in same position

[@kwazimnyandu9074]

Another good content. Thank you. RSA - Johannesburg.

[@GarryTan]

Thank you for watching?

[@DerDudelino]

Man, your video quality is crazy good. Could you maybe show how you shoot and especially light your videos? Would be super helpful.

[@GarryTan]

Oh sure my gear list is kit.co/garrytan

[@fernandoluiz8850]

Excellent content as always

[@GarryTan]

Thanks Fernando!

[@WarrenPougnetOne]

Thank you for the advice Garry. Just curious, was the bell sound a wink to wow?

[@MdAshrafurRahman]

Helpful !!

[@GarryTan]

Glad it was helpful!

[@33mememememe]

"Would you stop interrupting me while I am interrupting you!!" 🤣 priceless!!! As always.... awesome video 📹!!!

[@AverageAngel]

It seems our society is now conflict avoidant. I wonder how that’s going to affect relationships

[@GarryTan]

It’s not good to be sure

[@JulianVLee]

great story

[@himanshikushwahach7817]

2:18 ..here we go....exactly no matter how good things u want to keep in your startup..not choosing the correct co-founder will always ruin it

[@AMGF815]

Thanks for another great video. I just have one question for you: What's the location of that footage (12:41) of the 2 people walking up a grass hill near a body of water?

[@prakash_77]

Making sure I watch all post-roll ads in this video to support Code2040. Might I suggest to change the "http" to "https". HTTPS Everywhere blocks by default. Thank you.

[@jasoneks]

Hi Gary, another great video 👍 especially the intro, i didnt know you act well 😁 👍🙏

[@GarryTan]

Haha too kind

[@einmann3252]

As a tech entrepreneur I find your videos very valuable. Do you have a podcast? I would really like to listen through while doing something else. Thanks man.

[@GarryTan]

I don't

[@adroithut4590]

We will work meticulously soon Garry!

[@Olalentrepreneur]

Great Content Garry

[@GarryTan]

Thank you!!

[@wunder1385]

I've seen you on the clubhouse thing with Elon!

[@yuqin9912]

This is another video that I would like old me to watch.

[@jamesclerkmaxwell8020]

I have a secret formula to avoid all co-founder conflict. Being a solo founder. The dispute between opposing ideas may still be there, but in your head only

[@zb3734]

man, that was some good acting. you're a regular james galdofini

[@dominicwood3750]

I don’t see the infatuation with needing a founding team. In business there’s always one person at the top.

[@MatheusCaetano0]

Brazil here!!

[@GarryTan]

Bem-vinda!

[@PrinceBoadu]

What filming gear do you use, Gary? Admire your quality content and production

[@BeeRich33]

Looks like I'm closing my startup. My friend/partner simply doesn't get it. And he's taking it personally.

[@alvinguzman4756]

Gary, you mentioned owner a few times. By owner did you mean the main founder? Or the one who started it all and invited the co founders of the start-up?

[@itsyourtoy]

People. He legit acted for this. That's commitment to us the audience.

[@tirtoadji]

Garry, thanks for delivering such great content, as always. How's your relationship with your ex-cofounder now? Do you still communicate? Are you guys still friends?

[@GarryTan]

We are good now