Can THIS “Early-On” Decision You are Making Keep You Single?

[@bethsewer5463]

Up front I'm very laid back , but truthfully I'm very excitable . I'm like a peacock . Closed off , observing . But when I open up I show my beautiful self . So colorful and positive .

[@CoffeewithCarey]

🦚🤎

[@shawngilliland243]

"Telling ourselves re-runs" - that is a memorable observation, Carey.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

📺

[@EyeOfScrutiny]

In terms of judging a book by its cover, this is a survival tactic left over from our evolutionary biology. But considering that we are not living in a literal jungle, we can accept the instinct of judging a book by its cover, but then putting aside that thought, and indeed, express curiosity remembering that for the most part, the real jungle is in our mind.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

love that!

[@kristenmoonrise]

So true! In today's world there are so many more variables to consider than the jungle days.

[@sethtenrec]

@@kristenmoonrise fight or flight is often wrong in modern times. Unfortunately, it’s still hardwired into us.

[@marciabejarano3856]

I really love your videos, and watch them múltiple times. I have been alone for 10 years and enjoyed being just with my daughters as i am too shy to join a dating group. But i know what i want and need from a man. In my biking group there was a biker who started to talk to me, months later he messaged me and it was so polite, such a gentleman asking me on a coffee date, i accepted. First day i saw him in person with his regular clothes on, without helmet and facemasks on. We only saw our profile pictures. He is little shorter and older than me. But i went ahead with a 5 hr coffee date, time flew by. It was a wonderful day. Next date, following your sugestiones we had a picnic in a park, and kept on riding bikes on sundays. I'm 5'7' and totally okay with him being 5'6'' and older than me, besides, i can't keep up with him riding bikes lol. I am so glad my old ideas didnt prevent me from knowing a wonderful person. Maybe because when he asked me on a date i never asked him for a picture. I was not willing him to judge his appearance and i am able to know his thoughts, feelings, values, and we get along very well, so much in common

[@CoffeewithCarey]

thank you so much for sharing your story of meeting a wonderful guy, and not having preconceived notions about who he was before getting to know him! so happy for you! 🤎🤎🤎

[@user_abcxyzz]

#1 i need to be physically attracted to them. If not, its not going anywhere. Ill stay hapily single but i need to like what i see especially if imma look at it everyday.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

That’s not the point. The point is WHEN you determine that attraction.

[@johnballard6725]

Physical attraction is not necessarily instant so give your date a chance if you have similar values and views of the future, have at least one interest/hobby in common, and there are no dealbreakers.

[@bobmoore6248]

I think this is great advice. This is all kinda new to an old guy. I go into every situation with an open heart. Not every one is a good fit for you. Your episode on rejection was something to be aware of. There is a woman who rivals Eve out there for me. God willing i will find her. Patience faith and trust in the human race.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

The crazy thing is that I could give you the choice of three women, have you pick the one you feel meets most of your criteria, and you could almost certainly live happily ever after if you both decided to give it your all everyday.

[@sethtenrec]

@@CoffeewithCareyso true, John Gottman’s research as cited in one of his books says that 69% of relationship problems are unsolvable. The conclusion is we have to learn to manage conflict, we’re never going to find that easy, uneventful relationship.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@sethtenrec this is why we have to get to know somebody before we marry them and make sure they’re excellent communicators, don’t you think!

[@sethtenrec]

@@CoffeewithCarey good communicator, willing to work and grow, values the relationship itself … yes, and your comment one out of three is totally accurate. So many people looking for “the one”, we need to start by being “the one” ourselves. There’s a million potential partners out there for us, but every single one of them will fail unless the relationship itself is nurtured, with intentionality, by BOTH parties.

[@PossumLover1111]

Carey you know your stuff! Great advice. It's so easy to judge right away but I've learned to give each man I've dated many chances to prove me wrong in what I assumed about them. And I've also learned to never compare one man to any other I've been with as that's just not fair to the present one. I had a really great phone conversation with a man from match that I initiated the "like". The conversation was really great and we're both looking forward to talking again and eventually meeting. It pays to give someone time to get to know them. Thanks for another great video.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Thank you thank you! 🤎 you triggered me a little, possum lover. I have a couple concerns from your message. I don’t think it typically works out well to be having long conversations with someone prior to meeting them. I think it’s important to meet as soon as possible to avoid the multitude of ways that having a phone buddy can ruin potential romance. 🤷🏻‍♀️ also, I wanted to suggest that no one should have to prove you wrong. encourage you to have an open mind and be curious enough to not develop an opinion until you have the information to base that opinion on experience and knowledge. 🤎👍

[@hump1953]

@@CoffeewithCarey I really liked this response…slow down!!

[@PossumLover1111]

@@CoffeewithCarey Thank you for your response. Yes, I'm looking forward to meeting him soon in person. I'm not in any hurry to be in a relationship as I've rushed in before with others and those didn't work out. I want to have an open mind and take my time and get to know him. I'll let you know what happens.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

@@PossumLover1111 just watch out for those expectations!

[@anhpam9205]

Sure would have been nice had dates I'd gone on shown me any of the courtesies and manners you mention. Mostly talked about themselves, showed little to no interest in me as a person, woman, or in my interests, hobbies, etc. As for family, not everyone has a strong connection or relationship with theirs of oirign. That shouldn't be held against anyone, as sadly, it is quite common in this day and age. The person is clearly coping with a tough issue. Also, not all of us are bubbly types, but rather, more reserved.Again, should not be held against them.too many of us are being overlooked. I heard the following: Rejection is God's protection. Better off without those with whom nothing developed.

[@CoffeewithCarey]

The more people you meet the more likely you are to meet someone you connect with!

[@johnballard6725]

The biggest mistake I think people especially ladies make is dismissing someone because there's no spark. A spark can burn brightly for a few seconds then go out. Much better a slow burn that gradually increases in intensity. To eliminate a possible partner because you don't want to jump their bones there and then is idiotic, some things take time?

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Especially ladies? No.

[@avi8lass]

Enjoy your videos. How do you locate a ‘pool’ of singles for your matchmaking clients? Is it possible to be in your pool without being a client?

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Matchmaker magic. ;) and no, I do not have a pool. sorry. I’m actually not matchmaking currently, because I’m working on a course that will hopefully replace matchmaking for all of you who might be interested. Yay!!!!

[@marciabejarano3856]

I sbsolutely love the content in your videos, i love your charisma and congeniality. English is my second language and your voice and tone are very clear and easy to understsnd. First & second time i watch your video for your tips, then i like to listen to your clear pronunciation. Last but not least i like your Home decor, so calming, your makeup, the famous cups, etc. I love your channel Carey, thank your being here. Blessings. You have a wonderful happy new year🎉

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Marcia, thank you so much for the compliments and the wonderful feedback. And also for sharing your story of meeting a great guy because you had an open mind and an open heart. I wish you a wonderful new year as well, with health prosperity and joy. 🎉🤎

[@hump1953]

I really liked this video … I’m 71 years old and I want someone young, sexy, child less, well traveled with a hot body and very loyal.. fat chance with that !! ( just being sarcastic)

[@CoffeewithCarey]

sarcastic because you know that there’s probably a fat chance, as predicted. But also serious, Lol. surely that would be your dream come true. nothing wrong with fantasy until we confuse it with reality.

[@ronhill1184]

Every ware i go the women are all the same. Just different faces

[@CoffeewithCarey]

Go somewhere new.

[@kristenmoonrise]

I love this video! My main takeaway with dating is how much it tells us about OURSELVES. It's such a mirror. 🪞

[@CoffeewithCarey]

and I feel like sometimes, and for some people, it’s a Funhouse mirror. It can show us the worst of ourselves in many dating situations. Lol

[@kristenmoonrise]

@@CoffeewithCarey haha so true!