Cold Empathy of Psychopathic Narcissists: Uncanny Valley

[@MinaBlak]

This man deserves so much more recognition for his priceless contribution to the mental health community and I truly hope he lives to see it happen. What he’s doing is nothing short of heroic.

[@samvaknin]

Wanted to send you a DM to thank you for your kind words. My email is: [e-mail]

[@MinaBlak]

Sam Vaknin It is a pleasure and an immense privilege, Sam. You have helped me beyond words. Thank you for your email - will drop you a line sometime. Best regards from Down Under 🌹

[@bunnymad5049]

Totally agree re imploding and lack of empathy. Being empathetic has created such a load of trouble for myself and hubby just being kind to people. Starting to be very, very careful of who we offer that to now. Such a shame.

[@oregondude9411]

This absolutely explains what I have experienced in my 30 years of life. I could never figure out what it is exactly. A lack of empathy makes perfect sense. I experience it especially in the medical field.

[@alenasamara]

I’m gaining so much clarity, in my relationships, and the knowledge you are sharing is truly valuable. You are truly brilliant!

[@DeniseLaFranceCDNpainter-z9g]

This, what you theorize, Sam is groundbreaking. This answers how malignant narcissists/psychopaths are so effectively able to assimilate to target & ensnare good victims who'd yield the most narcissistic fuel. Parasitic, robotic & undetectable are they to the untrained eyes of would-be victims. Perhaps the most important video on narcissism & psychopathy. *Cold empathy as a weapon*

[@renle485]

That was a total eye opener for me. Brilliantly delivered and chilling to the bone.

[@jessie2340]

12 years ago and now we are right in it. I hope people are waking up now there is so much content. After experiencing and studying narsasism I finally am advanced enough to understand your content! Thank you it is helping me greately.

[@bunnymad5049]

Love that your vids are generally so full, yet short. Great for a busy mum wanting to learn more and educate her teens at the same time.

[@thelittleshamanhealing1869]

I have made this comparison many times but I've never heard anyone else make it before now. Thank you for this.

[@bluestmarble]

LMAO! So true! One that I briefly dated would kiss my hand, but it was like it was "fake", cold - something about it wasn't right. Meanwhile he would ask me what kind of man I was looking for - but it wasn't like he was asking out of curiosity... he had that direct look, like he was probing for information. Freaky!

[@jamiewilson7971]

i have to say after seeing this my heart sank. i am hyper empathetic. if i can see your eyes i know how you are feeling. it is exactly like x-ray vision. I've been doing this for as long as i can remember. i never use this ability to hurt people but if chaos upsets my environment, i will restore balance. isn't it dichotomous that i know how everyone feels by projecting myself onto them, yet i haven't the faintest idea of who i am or what i want.

[@emilioherrera568]

How are you doing now?

[@nellygribble8601]

they.have no empathy for no one but themselves. but expect you to for them

[@johndahl8522]

The only time people truly empathize with other people, is when they can identify with them it's a basic law of psychology that's how cult leaders where so successful.

[@gigismith3317]

I don't believe my MN knew me at all, he thought he did he assumed a lot which I allowed him as he wasn't interested . I didn't quite trust him, so I held back. The day I experienced a psychotic rage & his slanderous projections I ran away, I'm still a mystery to the MN. They don't listen very well or understand humour, most humour is based on empathy.

[@kellihansen6446]

Spot on unfortunately.Thank you.

[@CountessCarmilla]

The Narcissistic period is also measured by the decline in art of all types. Emotional intelligence and abstract thinking has decreased in quality so much I am unable to take part in modern music movies and such, with out severely insulting my own intelligence. It seems obvious as one gets older you attach to your "day, or period" of emotional expression. Today it is completely devoid though. As a song I just listened to states "drowning in cynical" encapsulates how I only see humor everywhere.

[@katluna6834]

"near-perfect imitations of humans, but, lacking empathy and emotions" Im going to remember this at all times!

[@Cortexion]

lacking empathy but not emotions

[@samvaknin]

***** Narcissists and Emotions groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5248

[@Sumiya-lp8mm]

I work in forensic psych and medicine. There are times that it is best for me not to show empathy...now I can't turn it back on outwardly. I hope I haven't slipped into being a narcissist.

[@crazygrl1203]

Brilliant. I’m trying to watch all of his videos.

[@dominiquedevereux7205]

So basically, the "Uncanny Valley" phenomenon can also be called "The Stepford Wives Syndrome."

[@labazoops]

+Sam Vankin Can u expand on why a narcissist despises being called by their given first name(s) & family surname? Is it because of their hatred for self? Does it retraumatize the narcissist? If so, why wouldn't a narcissist change their given call name &their family surname? Do narcissists enjoy being retraumatized? Is a narcissist aware that they have experienced childhood trauma? Thank you

[@sonias9722]

I don't like to hurt other people on purpose, because it's weak and pathetic. But I don't find it very useful to feel someone else's pain.

[@TheQueenIsWithin]

My dad was like this. He had people fooled on the outside very well and spread lies about me to others. He used to triangulate my brothers against me - the only female in the house. He had women fooled thinking he was kind to them but truthfully he despised women and I suffered from it. For years I questioned my womanhood. My mother being a covert narcissist who moved on and tried to spite me by moving out on my 8th birthday because I chose to live with my father instead, became remarried to an abuser and couldn't give me what I needed either. These people are dangerous. They only see people as tools of convenience. If you're of no use automatically you become the enemy. How dare you not be of use to them? Now I'm seeing Narcs saying they're going to therapy to get better and are tired of being judged. That in itself shows their entitlement . So you being in therapy mitigates the danger you bring around others? So we should just forget the trauma you all caused and make you an exception? They don't have empathy at all. They're just very calculating when it comes to people's emotions.

[@pierreduy8838]

I am so very sorry you were so emotionally terrorized by your "parents". Look at you now though....so bright and strong and full of serious empathy. I am so proud of you! Truth is 90 pct of all human males are worthless scum...narcs, mysogs, pervs, twerps, creepers or peds.. Let someone try to prove me wrong. Your father was one of them. I was emotionally invalidated by my mother all of my life, as she was emotionally invalidated by her father. Now I am prey to covert narcs....yay! Sam was very prophetic back in 2011, he already knew we are now falling into the abyss. Society is melting down right in front of our eyes in 2022.

[@godofdeath8785]

Now i afraid that i am narcissist cause i feel like my both parents narcissists and i kinda love playing role of victim and think that i can never be wrong. And its hard for me to truly get what others feel. And i as well such coward for criticism and judgement. I am guy actually

[@heyheyyo2389]

You say 'Up to scratch'. In East Texas, we say 'Up to snuff'. I asked my antisocial husband what he would do if I became terminally ill. He said he would put a bullet in my head. He said people do that for their pets, so he would do that for me. He wasn't kidding. Ha ha ha

[@jfrorn]

So it's not that there's a lack of empathy, but that there's empathy without compassion. Empathy sans compassion has the potential to be abusive. The person perceives your feelings but they don't care, your feelings are only important when useful for themselves. An emotionally disabled person with an acute ability to read others without compassion is very dangerous indeed. In fact this person is very much like an empathic android. A person that has learned to ignore or isolate their own emotions from themselves cannot be expected to show compassion for others, quite the contrary. In fact feelings of sadness or shame are to be avoided and denied at all cost, unless of course it's useful for the manipulation of others. It is also true that we live within the influence of a socioeconomic system that works precisely like this. Naturally this doesn't mean that we need or should accept it. To accept this without question in society and in ourselves is inhumane and profoundly neurotic.

[@samvaknin]

Empathy and personality disorders www.narcissistic-abuse.com/personalitydisorders68.html

[@black4pienus]

When soemthing bad happens to someone close to me, the first thing I think is what negative effect that has on my life. a friend finally found a job. instead of being happy for my friend, the first thing I think is: "great, so now you're not gonna have time for me anymore." then I realise that's kinda selfish of me and I react with happiness towards that friend.

[@TheKillyjoy]

This is uncanny, Exactly. That's it.

[@inconceivabledark]

Very interesting channel, subscribed

[@Nina.Goradia]

Thank you 🙏🏼

[@turockandar]

Very brilliant presentation!

[@royalpitamamma]

Thank you for this video.

[@beatrizkarwai6763]

Despite I agreeing with you that the world is very unhealthy and lacking in empathy, it's very possible to deal with people and even help them. It takes a lot of self-enquirement, intelligence, meditation and openness. When everybody is coping by being afraid or agressive, being psychologically strong is very advantageous. People cannot stain someone like this. They aren't able to hurt you if you have determination, because every predator attacks when the prey hesitates. And with psychic stregth, there is no doubt or hesitation. The difference is that this is a being full of compassion, instead of the egotistical psychopaths. Selflessness is the antidote to any type of social evil.

[@ElasticGiraffe]

Excellent psychosocial commentary.

[@slonamu]

Very grim view of the world. Unfortunately - true...

[@cmustard599]

Contrast this with Steven Pinker's more optimistic appraisal of our time in *The Better Angels of Our Nature*. Vaknin makes an interesting case for the societal causes of psychopathy/narcissism and has a darker prognosis.

[@lauraalittle]

Given the brevity of these presentations, I'm assuming the reference to pets and objects has to do with those who view their pets as extensions of themselves. This could include someone who acquires an exotic pet, which may be abandoned later, when the pet proves too hard to deal with on a daily basis, or a person who dresses their pet in clothes, treating the pet like a child, an extension of the self. But real empathy, I believe, is in treating a pet with respect, honoring its animal nature.

[@samvaknin]

@wilson2rent Write to me personally (send me a message) and I will tell you what you can do about it.

[@neil7236]

Ok thank you

[@Goldensunrise-8]

Yes I hear you, & wonder if I didn't make a mistake in exposing the lies & abuse I was subjected to, when if I had just kept on offering good quality supply rather than raging against the machine, I too would not be destitute & isolated, but as Sam says there is something hard wired deep within me to feel repelled by the robotic emotional tools that N's so skilfully use to maintain their supremacy over all with whom they interact with. I agree if you look for it narcissism is everywhere, cont.

[@raberta156]

i think i had that empathy once the way you describe it under psilocybin and thc, it Kind of freaked me out

[@lauraalittle]

No, you should not have remained with your narcissistic partner. Not everyone is narcissistic. You can make friends, real friends. You can care about one another and support each other. I believe that we, as individuals, can help to make our society better by behaving better ourselves. Yes, narcissism is often materially fruitful. But each one of us can enjoy a good, fulfilling life without taking on the role of either predator or victim.

[@ineffekt]

13:40 is quite chilling, where are we going?

[@ThreeWatchers]

Are narcissists capable of identifying themselves with a fictional character in first person storytelling (For example books, video games with first person point of view)? Are they, in other words, capable of being in "other person's shoes" when being actually put in them by such format? Do they imagine themselves solving problems the character faces or are they only an observer in such cases?

[@Sumiya-lp8mm]

Katya Zenina My narcissist is obsessed with Jeannie of I Dream of Jeannie as far as a wife...He isn't good enough to be Major Nelson, so he has created as a want to be filmmaker, many characters and everyone around him is aware of these characters . Whichever character is exceptable, this is the one he wears, until he becomes exhausted and then he goes into hiding to recharge himself. Then this troll comes flying out from his cave on his quest for Jeannie, which he'll never find and he knows this, he just enjoys making women jump through hoops, stealing part of their identity before he lets them go they have to give him some sort of monetary payment for him screwing up their life.

[@starx8775]

I mean I have traits of NPD (I don’t mean in the “every human has a dark side” way) and I assume that they can outright mentally replace the “cool character” with themselves.

[@starx8775]

If the character goes against their paradigm, they devalue then/the film.

[@willkrueger3857]

@@starx8775 You are correct, at least in my case. I don't much care for the actual characters, if they do something badass, it's much more entertaining to pretend I am the one in the situation, rather than I am the specific character.

[@JohnWilliams-fi7rh]

I can't stand these robots.

[@cindysmith765]

And how much does a traumatic injury surgeon, CIA operative or Marine drill Sargeant empathy "deprogramming" must be learned to accurately do "what needs to be done"? IT CUTS BOTH WAYS, BROTHER.

[@AnnaStarseedOracle]

I believe they are hyper empathic, I am hyper empathic - I can tear a person apart or build them up, it's a very grey line, but I choose 'good' most of the time, to survive in society as a 'normal' human - but I don't see myself as human. I find the pain of the hyper empathy physically hurts my body, which is why I isolate myself. I am an actress, and I do struggle to care more about other people than I do myself but I will give other's pain, lip service. I don't enjoy it though - but I try.

[@greatdays403]

Parent is not the one that say so, but the one that is careful and caring enough to make you love him or her for their greatness. Because psychopaths are missing a part of brain that regulates well human emotions, their intelligence naturally evolves exponentially because it develops intellect by constantly faking emotions to be accepted wherever they are as humane beings. (Lie to Me- series talks about micro-expressions) Now, having only remaining negative part of brain that regulates their emotions and a lot of ego by newly developed intelligence, you get manipulation, con artists, chronic lying, which they naturally easily continuously overuse to remain the master of a nearest truly feeling-persona. I read long ago a very nice book- a philosophy book that said something like this ' when they discriminate you they see your truth. when you are being discriminated you become truth'. Why is it hard to stop smoking? Because it is continuously conditioned by people saying it in a way you like it, and it becomes engraved in your brain on subconscious level. Old people can't teach new tricks, but the old people are tricked into killing themselves by smoke. Imagine now, all those poor abused kids with traumas lasting all their lives. While their brains were in growing and development stage their abusive parents were conditioning their own sheep to free-wilingly submit to regular abuse believing they are saviors or good parents. Sir, you have very fine defining and observations skill of psychopaths and other crushers of humaneness. I found nowhere psychoproof defense tactics that work. All are saying be coward, run from psychos, or give money to your 1st psychiatrist to tuck you into bed and sing you you are safe. Is it truly so that psychos can't be tamed? How can I kick them where it hurt them most so they leave me in peace?

[@AnaS-zv6je]

It would be amazing to see both Sam V. and Jordan Peterson have a discussion on the developmental shift of the modern human psyche. I have the inkling that we humans are becoming more infantile due to the change of collective values.

[@ElasticGiraffe]

@chrhadden It has nothing to do with an inability to "grasp" the reciprocity maxim. We simply don't live our lives by abstract normative principles. We are cognitively amoral, obsessively rational, and self-serving. Narcissists see others only as means to our own ends--we lack the reinforcement of authentic empathy--so to tell one of us, "Love others as you love yourself," is like telling a neurotypical (to borrow an Aspie term) person, "Love coffee tables as you love yourself." In a word, how?

[@deltaxcd]

Empathy is declining because it is harmful, we have too much suffering around and with full featured empathy life will turn into hell. Only way to deal with that is to disable your empathy or limit it so few close people whom you actually can help. there is no point to emphatise with someone whom you cant help and do not need to care anyway.

[@deltaxcd]

@@MarianMurphy-rz8ej Oh reply to the post I made 12 years ago. But if you think that it is so important to care how about you go and care about people dying in Palestine and generally in Africa if that care includes black people about who nobody cares at all. you will have millions and billions of people to care about LOL and I am sure you don't care

[@jannetsmall-francis1656]

Plain and simple. Demonicly posessed!

[@MimeswithRhymes]

Is there a difference between a psychopathic narcissist and a narcissistic psychopath?

[@samvaknin]

One is a narcissist with antisocial traits and behaviors (“malignant”), the other is a psychopath with grandiose fantastic defenses.

[@tamarinphilpott5653]

I haven't read the comments, so you might have discussed this, but from the few videos that I have watched of yours (which I find fasinating), I gather that you talking predominantly to an American/1st world audience. I was wondering if you have done studies on NPI ect. In places like Africa/third world/developing countries. If so, what have you found?

[@samvaknin]

I have worked or corresponded with narcissists in more than 80 countries. They are all the same. Read this: samvak.tripod.com/12.html

[@themirrorofthetruth2055]

As a biocentric philosopher scientists. And historyphile, I see it my specie as fundamentally insane self-deluded.

[@GabrielSparkletits]

Looking for a different way to pronounce Robots? Why not Zoidberg?

[@expiri1]

maybe empathy is a disadvantage today,anyway goodness helps me feel very nice,when I do a favor for someone,without return service.whenever anyone abused me,revenge wasn't even necessary!Perhaps I see you guys becoming psychopaths,and I don't care because I do all in my options,to stay human.thats my power around my own environment.i feel pity for everyone who's like that...native or acquired.

[@Roudter]

Yeah....aside from lifting masses of people out of poverty, the spread of capitalism is not the cause of any lack of empathy... I'd argue that a lack of empathy comes from people's indifference encouraged by large collectives and systems...Pay your taxes and it will take care of the poor - but you won't actually have to do anything. This is the situation in San Francisco, USA...which is a disgrace regarding poverty...and they hate capitalism there...There's no empathy there. What about the lack of empathy of the Venezuelan government...?...They agree with you and hate capitalism as well...and, there's no empathy there either... The soviet union kinda sucked too, with all of those gulags n' what not.. Who made your shoes? Your house?...Your pc, toothbrush, spoons, soap, paper, carpet...ect...??? It's easier to be empathetic when you have all that stuff too.....Ok....I've blabbed enough... Thanks, I enjoy your stuff...

[@valerietheawkwardartist]

I knew a lady who is on assistance and she wanted the system to fall. I asked her what she would do to survive if it fell. She said, she would barter some beads for all her living essentials and live in her apartment. What's happening to people?

[@deltaxcd]

when did I said anything about no need for help? simply there are situations when you cant help like when you see thousands of war victims/ homeless children, etc you can save one or two but you cant save them all. So empathy becomes pure source of suffering and nothing more. we can control our emotional responses by changing our predisposition, like I can change love to hate if person I love gives me too much empathic suffering.

[@AutobahnImportService]

Sam bombed US politics single handedly.

[@budcat7]

Mr. Vaknin, was this what Christopher Lasch was trying to impart to us in his NYT best seller 'Culture of Narcissism' back in the late 70's I believe? I have read that book twice and it probably requires a third fourth and fifth reading it's so complex. But I have been aware of this since then and have tried to describe this to others in my life and have been dismissed and ridiculed for it. I do not personally believe that any of our institutions are "narcissism free" except for maybe, maybe core concepts. How can one cope in a society that purposely seeks to destroy those who criticize it on this level? I think to say it's been a challenge for myself is an understatement in the least.

[@samvaknin]

+budcat7 Christopher Lasch www.narcissistic-abuse.com/lasch.html Narcissistic collectives and societies www.narcissistic-abuse.com/14.html

[@budcat7]

+Sam Vaknin Thank you. I have read both your articles. First, thank you for saving me the grief of rereading Lasch's stuff it was confused and scattered. I am not religious as well so many of the religious themes in Lasch's work didn't strike any chords with me although I have a "third" view of the Biblical texts which has a tiny following based on it's hidden meanings which is difficult to explain in a few sentences. In any case, it is a bit of a relief to read your analysis and criticism. Second, to me it seems that what you are saying is that Lasch's premise was OK but it was his analysis that wasn't able to form a coherent set of observations. To me it seems that if Lasch was alive today, with the advent of the internet and the level of globalization we have now, we would have an even more incoherent jumble of his ideas to deal with. I'm still working on myself but I believe that I am a true empath in the sense I identify with the suffering with others and expect nothing in return for it, praise or whatever. But a question I might have is; can someone with empathic traits use their empathy to inflict emotional pain on the self, masochistically? Is it possible to be overly empathetic? Or have an empathy "overload"? What do you think?

[@valerietheawkwardartist]

@@budcat7 Yes

[@crimony3054]

Uncanny Valley: Why Hillary Lost.

[@ElasticGiraffe]

@jongib369 Yes, I am. o.O

[@justinbennett9998]

Mmmmm... hyperempathic. I prefer "well developed sense of taste".

[@Jhanna1]

Thank you 👍👍👍