Comments I Get Online About NOT Having Kids: YOU AREN'T BROKEN!! / Sophie Shohet

[@fabrylucy]

It hurts me so much when people tell me I’m selfish because I don’t want children.. then they go on asking who is going to take care of me when I’ll be older..so who’s the selfish here?

[@flonotflow]

Yep. I said to someone one time that if that was the only reason for having kids, you were having them for the wrong reason. They didn't know what to say.

[@seabreeze4559]

Ironically those parents get abandoned for being narcissistic, kids can tell who values them as people.

[@catherinezilber7677]

As a 57 year old, I can tell you that unless you are from a culture that demands care of the elderly, it's pretty iffy that your kids will take care of you. I did all the caregiving for my mother despite multiple siblings. It's so expensive to have kids that you are financially better off if you put your money in sound investments for those senior years. That's the only sure thing.

[@danishpastry6137]

Exactly, my thoughts exactly! It's no more selfish to not have kids as to have them (unless the kids were an accident)!

[@suzannehall5200]

I grew up with aunts and uncles who had multiple children, most of whom lived in other states as adults and didn’t look after them when they got old and ill anyway.

[@danielintheantipodes6741]

I can 100% guarantee that the person who attacks others for not having children is in deep regret for having had children themselves. They had them and regret it, feeling jealous of you. I have zero doubt of that. Men do experience the issues you have described though probably not to the same extent. Thank you for the video

[@seabreeze4559]

Misery loves company, all the parents I know are NOW miserable with the cost or realising they had them with the wrong person, but initially they were elated because their expectations were fantasies based on like Disney.

[@danielintheantipodes6741]

@@seabreeze4559 Truth! I do know happy parents, but they approached the task with a sense of purpose, dedication and most of all, reality.

[@flonotflow]

I can't tell you how many times I've had friends with kids tell me I was the smart one for NOT having them!

[@MsKatze]

I've never wanted children, I never second guessed my decision, I never cared what other people said or thought about it. I'm going to be 40 this year and have no regrets. I have had people say some crazy stuff to me. One woman actually called me evil for not wanting children! My husband and I are happy. We have our careers, our freedom, and our two beautiful cats. Life is good 😊

[@ActionJacklyn]

Wanna know what worse than choosing not to have children? Finding out after the fact, that you didn’t want those children. There are adults, still alive today, who will tell you how awful it is to be raised by parents who didn’t want them.

[@mariannej5163]

I wish more people would consider if they really want to be parents before having children.

[@gc5793]

I never wanted children when i was in my 20's and 30's. I had my son at 42, totally right for me and so very grateful. Each to their own. Live and let live xx

[@WomanRoaring]

I had my son at 42 as well. I wanted kids but I was never in the right relationship for them so I didn’t have one when I was younger. I think my family assumed I’d be childless. My mom did bug me once but I told her, I’m 23 and still in college, I need to finish school. She said just have one , gram will help. Omg! I said, no I have time. I didn’t want a baby with just anyone.

[@Robbie_LeMeow]

It is unbelievable to me that anyone thinks someone else's personal life is their business to comment on! That's just crazy weird! I don't have kids, because that was just the path of my life up to now. And now I can't anyway, and I am totally okay with that. ❤❤❤

[@likedionysus]

I'm 26 and since i was a child i knew that i didnt want children. All the adults around me always said that i was going to change my mind when i grew up. Now i'm in a 5 year relationship, me and my boyfriend live together and we want to get married, but we wont have children. We are so tired about having that conversation, so everytime someone says something negative we reply "well it's great that is only our choice". I'm not going to try to be nice when people are disrespectful. Why do they care? And why would we care about their opinion that we didnt ask for?

[@laurahuddleston6285]

I actually had relatives (female) ask me if I didn't have a physical urge to have kids like they did. I told them that I would like to think I am more evolved than that. They never asked again. I am 66, no kids, no regrets. I have had two husbands, both were fine with no kids. I think they were actually relieved. I really think my mom had kids because that was the thing to do in the 50s. I honestly don't think she enjoyed having kids, but all her friends did, and she was very into what other people thought. It isn't selfishness, it is being self-aware enough to know what's right for you.

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

I turned 41 this year and my husband is 56. When I met him at 28, I already knew years before that I didn’t want to have any children. I never felt that inclination or desire. He was the same and never had children. I have anxiety on a regular and I couldn’t imagine being a mom with so much anxiety. It’s the best decision for me and for us. I have a wonderful nephew who I adore and will benefit and all will be passed down to! People always have their opinions, there’s so many people I know who shouldn’t have kids and I keep my 🤫 why can’t they??

[@flonotflow]

I recently had a conversation with my niece (who had fertility issues) about this subject and I loved her response. "Perhaps we need to start asking people about their sex lives because that's not okay either!" I just don't understand why people think any of it is their business.

[@lorz9449]

When people ask if i have children and say I no, they usually don't know what to say, and there's an awkward silence for about 10 seconds... I normally say that i decided not to have any because of the way the world is heading and other reasons to make them feel better since they seemed surprised or disappointed.. People shouldn't assume that just because I'm a woman that i would have them... I'm glad society is changing and that more women are choosing to be child-free and that there are more of us now..😊

[@nicholefrische-delaney7431]

As a grandmother, I am very grateful you occasionally address the rudeness you experience by choosing not to have children. There are women out there who are pressured to have children, knowing it's not right for them, then become guilt-ridden by taking care of children they LOVE, but that was not the life they wanted for themselves. I'm American, though, and I'm not so optimistic that a person in the U.S. admitting to their anxiety about being questioned for their choices would shut my compatriots down. We can be very rude.

[@jenzie75]

Agreed! American also. They would probably say "sounds like a you problem if you're getting anxiety from a normal question".

[@jocelynohalloran3550]

I haven’t watched this yet, but I just want to say to all of you who have decided not to have kids that it’s NOBODYS BUSINESS BUT YOURS!! ❤❤❤ i have kids, but I would NEVER EVER ask someone why they didn’t have kids and never look down on them or judge them for it. It is your choice, and people need to get over it. I am lucky that my 2 boys are now adults and my twin girls are about to turn 17, I wouldn’t change a thing about having kids but it doesn’t give me the right to judge people who don’t have them. Please know that there is people who have kids who still love and support your decision not to have them because like I said, it’s nobody’s business!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@lilylillux]

Yes. I have kids too, and I get people that don't want them. It's their choice, none of anyone's business. How do people get so entitled to ask personal questions like that? That's what I don't get. And they are like that with whatever is on their mind, it doesn't stop at kids. You can never win with these people. If you don't have any, why don't you? If you have one, when's the next? If you have two, they ask if you want more. If you have more, why do you have so many kids? I mean, PEOPLE???!! Get a grip and live your own life!!!

[@jocelynohalloran3550]

@@lilylillux omg you are my soulmate!!!! 🤣🤣🤣 it’s so rediculous! Then it’s like what did you name the baby and if it’s a common name it’s oh that’s original, and if it’s unusual it’s omg why would you call your baby that? You just cannot win at all!!!

[@lilylillux]

@@jocelynohalloran3550 hahahahah. Yesss!! We could go on forever. I had a kid 4 months ago and we couldn't decide the name. So she didn't have a name for maybe two weeks. Jocelyn, the pressure!!! Omg!! What are you going to name her? What about this name, what about that name. I got like hundreds of suggestions, and I was like, yeah, I'll name her what name YOU want. Guess what, my husband named her after me. Don't get me started on the comments THEN 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@jocelynohalloran3550]

@@lilylillux omg I can just imagine!! That is just the sweetest! You have a keeper!! My hubby and I always said our first born would be Jack and he was ans our first girl would be Ella so the first born twin was Ella and it was the most popular name at that time so you imagine what we got when it’s a very old name, she was named after his great grandmother who was the most amazing woman. And why should we have to explain all that to people? But we did! 🤦‍♀️ahhhhh!!!

[@lilylillux]

@@jocelynohalloran3550 you have twins?? Omg, So do I 😊Those names are beautiful. I hope you all the best ❤️

[@jillbrenda]

It doesn’t just stop with having kids not having kids. I have one daughter who is now 19 I adopted her by choice when she was 1 because after a trip from China as a teenager I knew in my soul that my child is a Chinese baby. I have been getting comments her entire life that since I adopted why didn’t I adopt more. I am a toddler teacher, I adore young children however, I always only wanted one child in my home. I am not close to my sibling. I dislike her. also I love peace and calmness that comes with one child, because my day is so busy with crying and laughing and screaming and chaos and messes which I love but at home I only want one. People used to ask me how can you not give her a sibling how can you only want one. Some people need to realize that everyone has their own brain and do not all think like them.

[@MsCristina38]

I know two women who deeply regret having their kids. It’s so hard on the kids. Don’t damage another human being if you don’t have to.

[@Perizada]

I always knew I didn't want children and I haven't had too much harassment about it. One person I came across in my early twenties however took my decision not to have children as some sort of personal attack on her. She tried to force me to change my mind and the more I told her no the more upset she got. It was very bizarre, she kept saying things like "I bet you'll end up with a whole tribe of kids" and things like that. Her reaction was so strange it was as if my decision would somehow stop her from having children

[@jpatterson4016]

Thanks Sophie. My husband and I got that all the time. We have been married for 25 years and have no kids. It is hurtful when people would say this to us. My good response that works and shuts them down is " Life didn't go that way for us". ❤

[@shannonrolfes5171]

53 and child free! Actually, I'm 54 but that doesn't rhyme. No regrets. However, I will say that when I was in my early twenties, I had an issue where I thought I wouldn't be able to have children. I was left very conflicted because although I knew I didn't want a child at 20, I didn't like the fact that the choice might be taken away from me. It didn't make me want children, just the choice.

[@lisabland8273]

Also, having kids doesn't mean that you will actually get on with them. I know people who are estranged from their children and have really difficult relationships. It's awful that you get these comments. Not having a child when you don't want one is the least selfish thing you could do. Thank you for talking about this so openly.

[@arcybarrios]

Thanks for addressing the #childfree subject again Sophie. More people need to be speaking up about this. Sooooo many women (a few men) are guilted into a life that they do not want and clearly isn't for them. Itis the children who end up paying the consequences because of what society dictates.

[@christina8063]

nip it with "I can't imagine why you'd ask such a personal question."

[@southcountyprincess7561]

The best response I ever heard was from a TV show, two women are talking and one says to the other “Do you ever regret not having children” without missing a beat the other woman says “No, do you ever regret having them?” That shut her up instantly.

[@karenellis1031]

There is judgement everywhere about having children, not having them or if you do how many you have etc etc. I have one child who I had at 36 and I got many comments from people saying “well you can’t just have one, that’s selfish”. . It’s a no win! As you said, why does you having children affect anyone but you!? I think society finds women who choose not to have children a threat because you haven’t followed the social norms. Thankfully in this day and age we have the freedom to choose. Life is for living however that looks for you.

[@seabreeze4559]

conformity is a helluva drug

[@danishpastry6137]

Having none can be seen as selfish, having one can be seen as selfish, have more than three can be seen as selfish! You can't win! All are valid choices, as long as they are choices.

[@redlady935]

All of my 4 best female friends live on their own and don't have kids. And we've been friends since we were in early 20s so any of us could have gone down a kid path at any point but found that mad that we seemed to attract similar mind set. Most of my close male friends have gone onto have kids but none of my female ones. We're in our 40s now. None of them regret that decision but I've met women who do regret not having them. It's really so unique to the individual.

[@jennn9637]

The thought of having kids gives me anxiety. I would probably have depression if i have to deal with kid/s for the next 20 years. Having kids or not, you may still die alone.

[@jillbrenda]

True. And dont think it’s for 20 yrs. My daughter is 19 and I will prob feel like I want to parent her until she’s 30. Lol. It’s a huge lifetime commitment. I love being a mom but it’s hard work. I get that it’s not for everyone but I also could not live without my dogs. I don’t get not having a dog to love. Just joking of course. Do what’s best for you.

[@NicolewithouttheH]

I have always wanted kids and am currently expecting. But I have so many friends who don’t want them and I think that’s fine! I don’t get why people are so nosey and rude about this!

[@dianacina655]

So happy that you're opening up about this. As a fellow person without children I have a very happy and fulfilling life. I don't judge anyone one way or the other.

[@rachelmarvellous-marmoset706]

People are so rude and pass remarkable. I chose to have an early hysterectomy due to PMDD. I'm so incredibly healthier and happier now. I'm so lucky in my life and feel blessed for the life I lead. Really appreciate your video, it's a shame people are so fond of hearing their own voices or typing out their hateful comments. Thank you Sophie ❤

[@hannah50353]

I tell my kids to think twice about having kids; they are only teenagers, but people need to know that they have a choice.

[@danishpastry6137]

The decision to have kids is no more or less valid than the decision not to have kids! I was 31 when I split with a long-term boyfriend. I was glad that we didn't have kids to muddy the waters, and the thought of time running out (in terms of my age) didn't bother me in the slightest! I realised that I'd probably never wanted kids, and I certainly didn't want them going forward. Fast forward a few years, and I met my husband - he felt the same. People started asking straightaway about when we were going to have kids. My parents never asked (they'd been married 8 years before my sister was born, so I get the feeling they'd been there too), my Mother in law did ask, but then realised it was insensitive and has been fine since. Our friends mostly have never asked, its strangers who feel the need to ask, what is, a very personal question and they often respond with a rather rude answer! They don't know if we're saying we don't want them to avoid saying we aren't able to have them. And that is another can of worms - it must be so hard to have strangers asking about kids if you can't have them and desperately want them! Fast forward another 20 years, and I'm now perimenopausal, and have still zero regrets despite all those hormonal ups and downs! It's not selfish, well, no more than choosing to have kids. In these days of being more environmentally aware, it's actually a responsible thing to do, to reduce the pressure on the planet. And having kids is no guarantee that they'll be around in our old age. Our government is saying "have more kids" we need them as future workers, at the same time slapping CO2 taxes on farming and industry - it's not rocket science to realise that more people means more CO2! There's also the issue of self validation, if bringing kids up has been difficult and they're confronted with people who dont have kids and are happy about it, it can call their decisions into question. So, by basically attacking those of us who made the choice to be child free, they may be trying to validate their own choices. I have no issue with people choosing having kids, btw, but I do have issues with them trying to ram their opinions down my throat. And I do have issues with people feeling pressured to have kids because that's the norm!

[@suschkasoyka9337]

This post has been spoken so very much out of my heart, dear Sophie, and I can confirm EVERYTHING what you said, I had tears in my eyes actually. I'm 62 years of age now, I married very late, and I immediately was put under a huge pressure by the whole family to have children, what I found deeply hurting and intruding, I always didn't know what to reply, as health reasons were involved and I had a challenging, academic job, too, so very little time left over for myself, but always "on duty", regarding my job, renovations, household chores, garden, etc.. 2-3 calls from the family per week, trying to find out, whether I'd be pregnant already. The pressure was really unbearable and I felt like imprisoned. Never again and I'm so glad that I don't have to go through this psychological torture again! 🙋‍♀️😢

[@Katt858]

I talked to you about this before but I get comments from people all the time saying i don’t know love until I have children, also why haven’t I had them. I use to lie and say I didn’t want them because I felt bad for making people feel bad about asking, but now I don’t care if people feel bad. I tell them straight up why I don’t have kids. I had cancer and all my treatment fried my ovaries when I was 30! I do get the odd comment like.. well my friend had breast cancer and she managed to have one after.. but mostly it makes people feel awful for asking when I tell the truth, as blunt as it may be. But now I accept not being able to have kids, it is what it is. I can adopt but truth be told, I don’t want to. I find it hard enough to navigate the polarised world we’re in and I can’t imagine having to guide a child through that.

[@hms1609]

This "you don't know love until you have kids" is a really odd thing to say. I respond to that like this: "So Jesus didn't know love because he didn't have kids?" Haha, shuts them up quickly! But seriously, how hollow of a person is when he doesn't really love his parents, spouse, friends, nature, animals etc? He can only really love his kids? Like, wow. Just wow.

[@julielepham]

It's quite bad in my family. My choice to not have children is often attacked and it's hard to handle when the people who are questioning me are my elders.

[@YeeSun]

I’m 36 and single, don’t want childeren. I know being childfree becomes more acceptable/ normal but I often feel like the odd ball in my social circle as I see everyone around my age are settled and have small kids. Makes me feel insecure and think, is there something wrong with me?

[@toko_ribbon]

If anyone here is on the fence and in their 30s- don’t do it. Don’t have kids. I say this as someone who was pressured by my then husband to have a child. Once I did get pregnant in my late 30s, he checked out completely and decided he preferred bachelor life. Because my birth was “geriatric “ it was filled with complications and ultimately I am now single mom raising a disabled baby his dad decided didn’t want anything to do with anymore and changed his mind. I’m now 40 and the reality is I’m broke, couch surfing, dead career and have a child that may never talk or live normally as others. Kiddo didn’t deserve to be brought in this terrible world and into a shit situation. But mine is not a rarity but unfortunately common occurrence.

[@suzannehall5200]

I got lots of judgement from extended family members because I didn’t have children. It was like I was a huge failure as a woman. I actually couldn’t have them due to fertility problems but I wasn’t particularly fond of children anyway and I just figured that the decision had been made for me and that was that. Back in my 20s IVF and surrogacy were science fiction so it was never going to happen. It was hurtful enough being put down for it but imagine how devastating such comments are to women who can’t have children and want them? I wouldn’t be surprised if it hasn’t driven a few to do something terrible and permanent. I get so angry at this holier than thou attitude of women who have children towards those of us who don’t.

[@lcroft19]

When someone ask you that. Just say “Sorry, but I think it’s personal” then move on to other topic.

[@cuteopiax1259]

It's a personal decision and if you're the kind of person that gets stressed about people asking you these questions, then you've definitely made the right decision not to have children. You get all kinds of personal questions and comments from the minute you get pregnant - from people telling you what to wear, what to eat and what to do to very intrusive questions about all aspects of your personal life. Then people want to touch your bump etc. And then you give birth and the stress goes from 1/100 to 100/100. So, good for you if you recognise that you would not be able to handle it. It is not for the fainthearted.

[@susanphend2189]

I never wanted children and stuck to my determination not to have them. That was at a time when women just all complied with what was expected of them. I firmly believe that people (primarily women) who are insistent that having children is the right thing to do have in mind that they had to do it in spite of perhaps not enthusiastically wanting children so you should have to as well. I do not regret my decision at all. Sophie, I so appreciate your words about this.

[@VB-cj9gy]

The question of having children is ridiculous and none of their business. The questions likely stem from jealousy as you openly share a life of abundance and freedom. Keep doing what you do! Love your honest opinion on this topic, great advice

[@seabreeze4559]

Even the Bible calls it a calling, not an obligation. I find it most puzzling when the person is single and low on funds or something and STILL gets pressure. Some of it is very crabs in a bucket, misery loves company. Fertility isn't even a guarantee and women especially find out we have all sorts of weird conditions all the time. There's no sympathy for privacy anymore and it began with Britney Spears being questioned medically about her virginity, like it was public business. Ever since it's been socially accepted that randos can interrogate women specifically on various intimate medical matters. So creepy! The motherhood thing is a walking womb theory of the value of a person As a Woman. Total crock, like men aren't valued by their bank balance either. The right person thing is also very Bridget Jones when like, sometimes we can just sense it would end badly? We aren't right for them or they us and other options practically don't exist. Women also have unique terror of giving birth or medical phobias, which we're supposed to just 'get over'. Childbirth PTSD is a thing I read it's like 47% risk PER BIRTH. Basically flipping a coin. Scarcity is also no way to sell a life-altering decision, high pressure sales tactics. It induces the backfire effect of refusal now common to Gens Y and Z. The same conditions do not exist as in prior generations. All the parents I know regret it mostly for financial reasons or choosing the wrong man, privately admitted. I say like "why do you feel entitled to ask that question? or What makes you think you can ask me that?" Then wait. Sometimes like on finances "oh, are YOU going to pay for them? Can we draft a contract?" They shut up immediately. I also ask how often they shame men for it, basically never they admit, ashamed.

[@KatieGrey]

Ugh I’ve gotten the “if you don’t want kids why did you get married?” comment before. It hurt tbh more than some of the other comments because my husband is my best friend. My mom who LOVES kids and couldn’t picture her life without them told me if I need to be convinced then it isn’t for me. You don’t usually have a huge switch in your life, but obv everyone has their own story.

[@KatieGrey]

Also can I just say that this video came at a perfect time for me? Most of my family leaves us alone, but lately I’ve gotten it a LOT from family friends who don’t know us as much. I was getting really upset and I couldn’t pinpoint why. I was feeling ridiculous. Thank you Sophie for helping me feel better and reassuring me that nothing is wrong with me. 💕

[@sarahfranklin3353]

Thank you so much for this lovely Sophie, I don’t have children except my three fur babies and sometimes I feel like I’m less of a women, sometimes I find it hard to connect with others because I don’t have children. We need more people to talk about this. Thank you ❤

[@dillydallydollo]

You're such a nice human being. I usually just say 'because I don't want to be like you', and let them make of it as they will. Does the trick, I've never had the same person ask twice😄

[@simonamimosa6160]

Sophie I can’t have children and it pains me when people say”how many kids do you have?” it’s so upsetting and like you, I’ve come to a point where I don’t want them! It sent me into a big depression as I feel like a let down x

[@LookNowbySophieShohet]

Dear Simone, you are absolutely NOT a let down!! I know society likes to make you feel that way but you aren't. I've just seen a comment here telling me if I had a child I'd be less 'self absorbed', some people can't help themselves. We must rise above! :) xx

[@myconspiracy03]

I'm over 35 f and childfree and it amazes me that the people that have asked whether I'll have children (mainly coworkers, randoms in passing) do not contribute to me financially in anyway!! I literally tell them none of their business!!

[@Breanna.HouseOfCorgis]

I love when you talk about this subject as someone who doesn't know if they want kids

[@citydoll22]

Very wise and good video! I have gotten the most weird comments like any woman who says they don't want to have kids when asked. I get so angry that my goal is to make those intrusive people feel dumb

[@vanessadaniell]

Great video…..also childfree by choice and love the conversation around it ❤

[@Justme-x4h]

Some people just always have something to say and just cannot keep it for themselves. I’m 50, I have 3 kids and I totally understand why some women don’t want them. It’s a choice, it’s that simple! It’s a question I had never asked and I won’t ask it ever. My kids will make their own choices and I will support them. I don't even care if I’ll be a grandma or not, it’s just not my place to decide. I will take what will come to me and it’s the end of the story. I don’t even expect my kids to take care of us when we will be older. We will plan everything for ourselves. I don’t want to be a burden, I want my kids to be happy, it’s the only goal I have.

[@jackiemulhern6473]

I am a mother of 2 grown kids, I admire you for your decision & I would never assume any couple will automatically have kids. To be honest I wouldn't bring a kid into this word the way it's going is sad. Its your life & as you said you have a choice.

[@NCMama87]

I was married at 22, but didn’t have a baby until I was 31. I got loads of questions, comments, and assumptions. Having said that, I see nothing wrong with asking someone if they have kids if it’s a get to know you thing. I would never follow it up with any kind of judgement. ❤

[@Flo-Fer]

It kinda happens the same to me as well, fortunately you have David!!! My story is different though: I'm the third of 7 sibblings, we were always a middle class family, no luxuries or big travels but always had what we needed, nothing more.... I also think my parents were satisfied with the life they had and weren't so ambitious. I grew up in the 90', had a good childhood, but lacking things you see other children have makes you grow some sort of resentment within you, you don't even notice until you can express it with words when you're older. Now only one of my sibblings have had a child, the rest of us just want to enjoy life, travel, etc... Having children is a daily sttrugle, i know that first hand and i simply never wanted that to myself. I have my doubts sometimes as well, but something always repels those ideas from me. I had a partner for many years that knew from the beggining i didn't want children and he understood but tried to make me change my mind afterwards... It's hard to find people that think the way one does.

[@idaranwa4370]

Thank you for sharing this. It really helps when you have siblings. There is not a lot of pressure there.

[@seabreeze4559]

That's poverty trauma you sound working class. C-PTSD is common and kids with a lot of stress tend to be adults who don't want the stress of kids. It feels like you've done your time suffering, so to speak, already. The attempted coercion from men is evil.

[@Flo-Fer]

@@seabreeze4559 Oh! No, I wouldn't say we were poor, just a middle class family. I can't say I have a "trauma" either, I think that's a harsh word and it just wouldn't feel right to classify it as such. But I do think nowadays we have a different mentality than our parents had, they wanted a family, that's what was expected. Travelling was so expensive back in the day as well, same goes for luxury items, etc. So no one was thinking about those things, but now you do. So if I want to have a different lifestyle than my parents had, you must sacrifice something in return in this case: children. Or at least that's how I view it. With regards to my ex, yeah I do think he made us both waste time... I was happy in the beginning because i thought he accepted me and the way i was picturing my life, so sad i don't have a "David" with me, they are hard to find i think!!

[@seabreeze4559]

@@Flo-Fer watch some crappy childhood fairy and see if it fits

[@ariadnaspacey1603]

Hi Everyone! ❤ Thank You Sophie I will say exactly that next time if any one asks me about the baby. I remember one time someone asked me,and I said I don't want kids, and lady sad to me, WHY?,with such puzzler. It's horrible. So I completely understand You Guys! Maybe some people in there life need it kids, to fill happy and complete. I don't. I am already there.God Bless You All!😇🔥❤🔥

[@heidiheidi0]

This was an awesome video! I'm the opposite end of the spectrum -- I want kids but am having problems because of a very rare disorder that most people, including doctors, are not aware of. I'm working I remember one time this lady I met at a gathering started asking me extremely invasive questions about my age and implying that I had to get a move on it. It was so hurtful and mean. I just think no one should ask people such personal questions because you never know what people are going through and not everyone wants the same things in life! Everyone is SO different and that is a good thing!

[@staciarenee2982]

If it makes anyone feel better, when you DO have them, they will go to saying, " Oh, so when are you going to have a *opposite sex?" I have THREE girls. My last baby, when someone found out I was having a girl, they said to me, "Oh, I'm sorry." You didn't get a boy. After 3 girls, I get asked, "When will you have a boy?" People really are WEIRD. Like, excuse me, but I don't care if a child is a boy or girl. I care that they're a healthy baby.

[@wendycoles-littlepage7952]

Hi Sophie, have a great weekend! I'm always surprised at the weird messages and comments you get from perfect strangers. I wouldn't dignify those rude questions and comments with any reply at all. It's like some of the people who follow you get a sense of entitlement, you know? I was an only child and grew up never wanting children, and have always been happy with my choice. My husband and I love to travel and do fun things, which you can't always do if you are raising a family. It's a total commitment. You are having hot weather at last, aren't you. So are we! Cheers!

[@MsLMD84]

When I was with my first husband we would be pestered all the time on when we were having kids- I never wanted any! He was ok with that and we couldn’t understand why nobody else was ok with it- the constant questioning was horrid. We then split and in my early 30s I met somebody who I married and I did actually change my mind on kids- we had one and he’s perfect. But then came the ‘when are you having another’ comments… so even if you have a child you’re still quizzed and made to feel like you’re being selfish for having an only child- literally can’t win unless you conform to the traditional 2.4 children style family x

[@WomanRoaring]

I have a few friends who don’t have children for various reasons. I also have a bunch of family who don’t have kids. Going back to my great grandmother, one of her younger sisters was lesbian, married but never had kids. My grandmother youngest sister never had kids, she told me that she had 1 period and that was it. My dad’s side, out of 10 siblings half didn’t have kids. I had a teacher in high school who was pretty honest about her struggles to have a baby and she never did and how regardless her and her husband were happy. - I was 35 when I met my husband, so for about 15 years I got questioned about when I’d have a baby. I’m not religious but I didn’t want a baby with just anyone. I wanted a partner, there were 2 boyfriends who I had 5+ year relationships with and my family was asking, not pushy though, about if we’d have kids. I pictured my future with each and I kept picturing me at home alone with the baby. I didn’t want that. So I didn’t have kids. Then I met my husband, at first he didn’t want to get married and have kids but because we get along so well he changed his mind. I would have had a baby with him even if we didn’t marry. We did struggle, I didn’t know I have an autoimmune disorder that makes it harder to keep a pregnancy but we have 1 toddler now and we’re happy. We’d like another but with our ages we are just too tired but my son is a little ball of joy. I would be happy with just my husband but I am glad I have my son. I did ask friends if they would have kids, it’s just something that we kind of expect from people but if they say they don’t want them then I don’t bug them about it. Some people just don’t want kids and that’s their feeling. I think of it the same way I think of gay people, some people have a desire for kids and some don’t. Gay people are attracted to the same sex and straight people are attracted to the opposite. You can’t change that it’s just how you are and that’s ok.

[@decemberclouds]

I'm happily childfree and slightly older than you, Sophie! I really enjoy my childfree life. I think Morrisons is just fine - the bakery is OK, and some of them have butchers which is very useful. I've always had bad luck with meat/fruit/vegetables from Aldi, no matter which one I go to and even in really nice areas.

[@lolipena8051]

i still feel so young lol. im 35. i have so much more things I want to do before I have kids. when I do think about it, I feel I should have had them in my 20s, now I'm my 30s I'm so set in life that I don't want the chaos. we will see

[@petrakrasniqi7973]

Sophie, you are very beautiful woman. You have your life, you do you tube content, that doesn’t mean people can comment on YOUR life, what ever decision you make is yours and your husband. Do not let negative comments get to you and also you do not need to explain your self. Sending a lots of love Petra

[@TheBohemianStyle]

Very sensitive subject because of my experiences, but you give great advice on what to say to those people who ask though personal questions. Most of them don’t care how they made you feel though.

[@verabathory]

You should be proud that you have made the right choice for yourself! So many people have kids not because they want to have them but because they feel like it is expected of them. This is in my opinion the worst thing. Having a kid is huge in how it alters your life. It changes everything. Being a parent is a full time job. I do admire people who know themselves and are mature enough to recognize that bringing a kid into the world is not something they need in order to live their lives to the fullest and be happy. :) As for the nasty comments- imagine if they stumble upon someone who is just not able to have children physically? This would be shameful. I do hope that more people come to understand that this is a very personal matter and they should be very delicate when discussing it.

[@tanyajanuszko6958]

I agree Sophie - when it comes to choosing parenthood or not, we should trust our own intuition and heart. I knew early on I didn't want to parent another human being. It's a tremendously important job and a huge commitment. I'll never feel regret for having enough self-awareness to know what my limitations are. Instead I find tremendous joy and fulfillment being a doggy mom to dogs people discard.

[@maijam6709]

Thank you for talking about this very important topic! I've always known that I don't want children. In my twenties, I really didn't think the matter that much. From my early thirties I remember one very hurtful comment about not wanting kids and I will remember it forever. It caused me a lot of anxiety! Now I'm 39 and one door is closing. Children are not for me in this life. I'm happy that my sister has two wonderful daughters and I get to see them growing up ❤️ All the best to you and David! ❤

[@apgx6032]

I actually did want children. Then at 29 and only months into marriage I realised to bring another life into such a difficult relationship would have been destructive for any child. At 59 and listening to your video I can’t believe you felt under so much pressure and feel for you. I have to say I never came under that sort of pressure even from strangers. Yes people would have occasionally asked in passing if we had any children or now any grandchildren 🤣 but it never felt more than just a question. However, unlike your awful experience Sophie I never had anyone rude enough to tell me why they thought I should become a parent or condemn me. Yes, in my younger days I sometimes thought it would have been lovely to be called mummy! Now when I do humanitarian aid in far flung countries I am often called Mum or mummy Amanda. Sometimes we just have to wait to see the bigger picture.

[@cps525i7]

I love kids, but other peoples. I babysit, treat them to things, life experiences, etc. However, my husband and I never wanted kids. We love the freedom it affords us. I am the person or Auntie everyone wants to watch their kids. However, we never wanted the life long responsibility that comes with parenting. I believe that lots of parents that wish they had really thought parenting through, because I think the way kids a raised today is, because the parents didn't want to be bothered so stuck a mobile phone or tablet in their kids hads to avoid dealing with their kids.

[@dontaypeart7114]

Hey Sophie, I have been a silent watcher for years and love your work and your personality. I had to comment this time because it resonates so strongly with me. I don't have any intention to get married as I don't see the rush for that and I am currently single, lol. I am not against it though and if it happens, it happens. However, with children, I just never had the urge, the desire or any connection with children like that at all. All of my girl friends and sisters picked out baby names from when were ourselves children, dreaming of the perfect life as adults. I have been pestered by my friends and family for years about being selfish, not woman-like,etc to not deciding to have kids. The infamous statement of 'when you get older, you will change your mind'. I will be turning 29 this year and comments about it has died down a bit. I just never got the obsession with the need to just have children...regardless if you are ready at all. I have way too many friends and family members who would probably be in a much better place if kids were not apart of their equation.

[@seabreeze4559]

Seeing friends fall after having kids feels like taking the last plane out of Nam and being spared.

[@mnicolechic]

It definitely is a choice. It's no one's business. I received the opposite. My husband and I have one child. She is now 21. For YEARS, I would have family members ask me why don't I or why didn't I have a second child. It was our choice to have one. I tell our 21 yr old that it's HER choice whether to have children or not when she gets older. Yes, we would LOVE to have grandchildren at some point, but if our daughter decides to only have dogs instead of children, we will love those furbabies and wholeheartedly respect and accept her decision. ❤

[@FA_2_Pilot]

Thank you for this video Sophie- going through this now! Much love from the islands of Hawaii!

[@mpoureliakwntant8629]

You are so right! My favorite aunt and uncle are the happiest couple i have ever known! Living their lives traveling all around the world and having a wonderful life together for 60 years now without children, the epitome of true unconditional love!❤

[@amycorkery5470]

Thank you for sharing this. I’ve always felt society is always pushing to have kids so it’s good to hear this and how to deal with what people say ❤

[@fallenangel9694]

Yours were the most soothing words I could ever hope to hear. Thank you Sophie❤️ Society made me believe I’m flawed, you were so graceful discussing the topic I felt understood and validated❤️

[@GainsbyAllie]

They’re just mad you have unlimited freedom and they had kids out of pressure and feel the need to spread that misery around. Half of these parents just toss responsibility in to family and teachers and that’s the sad part.

[@BySamWithLove]

Great video Sophie ~ I don’t have kids and have zero regrets

[@carolinamclean5529]

♥️Amazing video, thanks for sharing this. I also decided not to have them and once I made that decision I felt so free and at peace with my life♥️

[@sams3015]

Your so brave to talk about this Sophie & I don’t mean that in this ITV day time kiss ass way, I mean you could literally not address it and have a much more peaceful time online but you choose to challenge it…that’s only way we can stop normalising these unhelpful comments

[@LesiavanderWoman]

I am very lucky- nobody really pressured me about kind. Some curious questions- yes. But i was ok with that.

[@Smdjrjj]

Love you girl thank you for the intimate discussion

[@janemcnaughten7275]

Big Hugs to you 🤗🤗 Jane in New Zealand 🇬🇧🇳🇿

[@ebonyjayn]

Thank you for talking about this ❤ It has helped x

[@doreenpolicarpio644]

*Omg, the perfect response to those intrusive people* Thank you Sophie for tackling this topic❤

[@mariafoo2065]

Whatever your decisions you both made its personal. Others should not interfere or leave nasty comments to you both. I am very proud of you for standing up to these people. Btw I really loved your grocery vlogs keep it up.❤❤❤God bless you both.

[@aleksandradejong7534]

Thank you Sophie, for making this a topic of conversation. It is so nice to hear that there are people who feel the same way. It’s incredibly rude that people actually ask you about it and also make you feel like you’ve made the wrong choice. It makes me feel like I have to defend myself when it’s n-o-n-e of their business, and they won’t understand or leave room for other opinions anyways. I think your answer is a great idea. Ugh, it annoys me so bad. So again, thank you for opening up this conversation once more🩷🩷🩷

[@nmernst]

I never tried that one 😅. I can put the issue aside now that I am 50 something but totally get the angst. Thanks for sharing.

[@osolinda]

We all die, including our children who we can only hope can have a semblance of a good life until their inevitable, inescapable death.. This is why i think its actually selfish to have kids, especially so many- and to "inherit the earth" --😒nobody inherits anything,but death,and hopefully a little peace in the short time of living..sad but true

[@MyAngelAlfie]

Sophie, you are fantastic, I'm tearing up with your video, so helpful you are really kind hearted thankyou!! Re Morrisons, I think you will quite like it, they tend to have a huge range plus the bakery section is good and homeware section good range , much love xxx

[@lisamoore1833]

Sophie, there is nothing wrong with you. I never wanted kids and I am 61 now with no regrets! I married a guy with two adult children who are both married, and now I was just recently informed I have to pick my grandma name... yikes! Thought I skipped all that, but here I am.

[@LookNowbySophieShohet]

Thank you so much for sharing Lisa, and congratulations to you on becoming a grandma! xx

[@lisamoore1833]

@@LookNowbySophieShohet I just hope nobody expects me to do anything because I certainly don’t know how to change a diaper! Luckily, there are two other grandmas that do!

[@natalieheaney4879]

Thanks so much for this video. I could not agree more with you. Choice all the way.

[@kaylheecarroll3186]

Appreciate your honesty and transparency ❤😊

[@Eileen3007]

Well said Sophie x❤

[@kanapka91]

Thank you so much for sharing Sophie!

[@NovaSky986]

Please ignore stupid people and you go with how you feel and choose when you are ready. You’re still young

[@LookNowbySophieShohet]

Thank you so much for the love my friend xx

[@Craftgirly]

There’s a lot of unplanned kids out there, a lot of parents who had kids because that’s what society, their culture, family expected them to do. Parents that gave having kids less thought than getting a puppy. So there is a real strong envious element to the nasty reactions, of you have a choice, you’re strong enough to go against societal norms, you throughly considered both the pros and the cons. What is selfish is women that have a child to give them a job ; trap a man, get benefits, look after them in old age. How many adults have an issue with a parents? How many kids are abused or killed? Being a parent doesn’t make you an instant saint and better than those that choose not to/ or cannot have them. I see parents on their phone all the time, kids being ignored unless they are doing performance parenting. This bs about you become less absorbed, yeah right lol. So many people meet online these days and move countries, so good luck with the old age fantasies lol. As for asking such a personal question, there’s no good outcome. If you say it’s because you don’t want them, you get judged. If you say you can’t have them, you get their unwanted pity. If they can’t be happy with no I don’t have kids and press further, I just reply that’s my personal business!

[@syedaaskari7456]

The thing is if you are going to be hit by someone you can protect yourself. ? Yet so deficult to hold a terrible person tong ??

[@sapphirecamui6447]

unpopular opinion/conclusion/assumption: the majority who ask about having babies, might have 1 or 2 and now they regret having them. but they would never say this, they instead formulate the question with "when/why, etc" to force the other person to have then as well, and to experience the misery as well. When i gained weight, my belly did too: almost everyone assumed I'm pregnant. (i did look it, if I'm honest). had to say 'i got fat' and they were like "ooooh... why did you gain weight? when will you lose it, so you'll be like before?" just as inappropriate. but it didn't bother me, i just didn't know how to answer..... :( this is what bothers me NOW. Yesterday, i man with whom i seldomly talk to [i found him funny, but that was it], told me "i don't love myself because i don't lose weight. i nearly started crying. I asked my fiancee and she confirmed this. T-T the opinion of that man shouldn't matter, but my partner confirming it.... was surreal. [my fiancee tells me the truth -and to others if they ask her to- i got hurt worse because i didn't want that man to be right........ Ladies and gents, if you want to tell a woman she needs to lose weight, try to formulate the words in such a way as not to sound harsh -unless you're a medical doctor. And keep in mind that it is difficult for some people to lose weight because of other issues they might have [and possibly not know about them]. sorry for the TL:DR

[@KatieRae_AmidCrisis]

I'll never understand people who think it's their place, or right, to have an opinion - much less *express* that opinion - about other people (sometimes perfect strangers, apparently) having children or not. The height of rude. The height of entitled. Like - what's it to you? How is it your business? You do you. Your life, your choice.

[@nexx1]

I tell them no I can’t have kids people are trying to make small talk and they want to talk about their kids. Just talk about your kids and if I want to talk about mine I will.