Common reasons Avoidants come back after a breakup

✍️ QUIZ: Check out your chances to get back with your ex:
rebrand.ly/f024e2
📅: Let's have a chat, book a consultation with me today:
rebrand.ly/xjinxfk
🧑‍🚀: Join my Private Telegram Channel
t.me/+ZXEhDttAxUtiNGFk
👨‍🏫 Join Our Portal For Free With Our 7-Day Free Trial
rebrand.ly/23fc6a
📱Text me on WhatsApp
wa.me/447926549390
📲 Follow me on Instagram
/ alexis_friedlander
--Watch More Videos of Alexis Friedlander Channel--
How To Heal After A Break:
• Struggling After A bre...
6 Signs You Don’t Need My Help:
• 6 signs you don't need...
Get Back With Your Ex-How To Know If What I'm doing Is Right:
• Getting back with your...
--Subscribe To My Channel --
/ @alexisfriedlander
#getyourexback #relationshipcoach #avoidants

[@amandaevans1071]

4.5 months since breakup, 1.5 months seeing each other after, 2 months of no contact, 1 month of talking again and we just got intimate again as of yesterday 😅. I’ve been following these videos very very closely and it really does work if you are patient. We’re going to a Super Bowl party together on Sunday but still taking it slow. Letting him take 100% of the lead… he’s DA and Im AP so it’s really about being secure. Every day is a struggle with over coming my thoughts and returning to a secure attachment. Thanks Alexis!

[@amandaevans1071]

My tips on nudges to bring to their attention that I’ve done: I said “I understand that time alone and having space is how you fill your cup, everyone has needs and there is no shame in voicing to me what you need, I’m here to understand you.” Then I mention that I’m an anxious attachment and we all have an attachment style we should honor and humanize that behavior. I voice my needs being anxious and gently ask what he needs around being avoidant, that there is nothing wrong with either. I basically try to set it up that I’m wanting to understand and bring to his attention that he needs to understand his attachment to keep harmony. He’s given very little push back with that approach and has looked into it.

[@loverofbeautifulthings]

Thank you for your comment, I hope things are still going well. I am in my second go-round of the DA I have been seeing going into deactivation mode. The first time it was 2.5 months before I saw him again and this time it has been almost two months so far. Both episodes followed a particularly lovely and intimate time together where he was very vulnerable with me. I lean avoidant myself with some anxiousness over being abandoned thrown in and if he contacts me again and wants to see me I am struggling with how to tell him I demand very little of him (I am not super needy), but I cannot live with being ghosted again. It's such a challenge to word things in a way that won't make them feel criticized. Hoping for some divine intervention, haha. I don't know much, but I do know I love this man with all my heart.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

@@loverofbeautifulthings it's important to remember though, that you can love someone with your heart, but it doesn't mean that you have to cling to them and expect them to be able to fulfill your needs to be loved in return if they are not capable of that. As Alexis says, you can love someone and still let go and if they love you back, which is what you deserve, they will come back to you. If they don't then it will take time, but you need to create the space in your life to be loved as you deserve. If the DA you love does truly love you, then give him space and time to let him come to that realisation himself, then let him show you. Don't run after him, because he will just run away. Treat them like wild animals or birds, let them free to fly or run away and come back to you when they actually want to be with you, if that's what they want, or otherwise if they don't then love them and pray for them from afar and accept that graciously. it's hard if you are anxious and have abandonment issues, but by focusing on telling yourself that you love yourself and focusing on doing things that you need to do in your own life and meditating and finding security in yourself it will be better for you all round.

[@loverofbeautifulthings]

@liliapatterson Thank you and yes, being avoidant myself I have never pursued him. My heart is open to whatever is supposed to happen with us~~and also open to finding someone else. I will probably go to my grave loving him, though, and that's okay. I have enough love for him and others. 💗 What I was saying above is if he comes back into my life, how to state my boundary of not being ghosted (meaning, him taking space without a word...I don't mind him taking space, but him not communicating his intentions is what is so cruel).

[@NyaNya4ever]

Whats the reason of breakup in the first place?

[@valentineamartey9717]

Why would anyone want to get back with an avoidant ex? It's a living hell.

[@annnee6818]

Yeah. Sadly...

[@marguskiis7711]

its not

[@rosylove389]

Better off alone

[@ke1tor]

The way I introduced it to my ex was by showing her what my attachment style was (secure, but her making me anxious). She is still not fully on board, but she has taken the concept about it to heart.

[@jenniferparisi424]

I actually told my ex to read about it and he did and then contacted me and said he would get a therapist.

[@Petespans]

Wow. Beautifully put and spot on. Thank you Alexis. All the best with the channel.

[@wontonlau5189]

Very Well said. and I like your french accent.

[@jojkavargova6704]

Its hard after 20 years of marriage to move on 😢

[@RowenaDePala]

Yes , but it is what it is. Do not let him continue to hold your heart hostage. Life is too short to rely your own happiness with other people.

[@caroliner1901]

I left after 27 years. Possible with supportive family. 1 year rollercoaster, lots of tears, loneliness, butterflies every day, lost appetite. 2nd year butterflies went, changed job, got my own little place. But still pining secretly for him. 3rd year started dating - great fun - met my ex FA, had 15 of the happiest months of my whole life, a true gentleman also Sexy, generous, fun. But he hit a bad patch work/money/deadlines and got overwhelmed . He ended it by nice text message last Friday morning at 05:30. Unlike my ex narc husband, we were in love and had been planning the future - him leading everything (lucky) it was a bolt out of the blue. Now thanks to Alexis I understand what went on. And yes I did miss some signs because I didn’t know and he kept lid on his negative feelings. We were only ever in positive mode the entire 15 months.

[@eileendom5858]

It’s been 4 mos since I walked away with no contact. After living together for 2 years and returning from a Thailand trip, the DA was so cold and dismissive and wanted to break up. We had broken up twice before moving in together and he kept coming back. This time it was too much for me. He wanted me to say something and I said I was just tired of talking. I refused to beg or fight. I miss him, but I had work to do and he refused to do work on his part or together. I think since avoidants fear losing independence, the way to pull them in is to concentrate on titles that encourage keeping their independence in a loving relationship. My ex would never believe he has any issue. Everyone else is flawed and has growing up to do according to him. He judges everyone, but gets upset if anyone judges him. Oh yeah, I was also done with the double standards.

[@RowenaDePala]

This is the same reason I left my ex. I was not mad. I was just done of his bias.

[@khanego4770]

Alexis, can you do the same video for an anxious ex-partner coming out of a 5-year relationship? Especially when they've entered a rebound already 4 weeks after the breakup?

[@SouthMiamiOrthodontics]

It’s so hard to Move On and go no contact by giving them time and space, when you know nothing about them. My anxiety and panic drives imagination scenarios. What if they never come back? What if they think I’ve moved on what if they feel shame or or worse, pridefulness? I can’t get her out of my mind please help.

[@peternall6566]

I hope your ok Juan. One day at a time yeah.

[@dargeo1406]

Maybe the reasons you broke up are the key. Maybe you didn’t want the same things? It’s so hard to live in a fog not knowing why someone would just disappear out of your life for seemingly no reason. But there are reasons. That’s why good communication is so important form the very beginning. I wish I knew it when I was dating my avoidant…

[@RowenaDePala]

Even if the dust settled, always remember how your partner mistreated you. Do your best to fill the gap of her absence. That will help on how to heal a broken heart.

[@ngocthuongho3785]

How are u doing pal? I’m currently in the exact situation

[@norswil8763]

Same situation here too. 1 week in. My avoidant partner left me saying “Ive never loved or been loved as I have with you and I’ve never had a happier relationship.” But still with our attachment clash and her behaviours she couldn’t over come. With perspective I was too needy, we’re anxious types, we pull them closer if we see them push away and that is typically our undoing. She felt overwhelmed and probably a bit of shame because of it. I’m heartbroken, I miss her and I do hope she comes back(at this stage), because if she is willing to heal(which can only be done in the relationship) then we’ll have a beautiful life together, I have no delusions there.

[@svetikchum6988]

How do you know if it's a break up if they don't say anything to you but they just like deactivate for months

[@rabote007]

agreeee how to nudge

[@patriciacarter1975]

I said ...can we read this book ( attached) an possibly learn about our selves..I believe It helped

[@drc4563]

What is the difference between this and BPD - there is a lot of similarities between this and the push/pull of the latter. Maybe that’s is more anxious avoidant style but I then ask teh Q with respect to this. Can someone explain if BPD is a bigger condition that might afflict a subset of those with anxious/avoidant attachment styles. Does one have to have this attachment style to demonstrate BOD? I wld like to understand the relationship between the two if there is one.

[@gigakiddo761]

We were only together 5 months! We didn't have problems getting along at all, our problems came from attachment styles 😢 He said he was invested, but said he couldn't meet my needs 😔😭😭😭 then he had family and life issues so he needed more space. He thought about breaking up many times like on and off. Eventually, he broke up with me. He said he didn't want to hurt me and had too much going on to meet my needs and barely his own😢 we both said if God allows we will try again. Our relationship was so super short, I'm scared he won't come back. 😩😔

[@RowenaDePala]

Do not put your life on hold for him. You are responsible for your happiness , not him.

[@bridgetamato6182]

You are very insightful. I was just hanging out with my ex tonight. I was trying to break-up. The best sex I ever had however, I experienced almost two years of his avoidant, emotional unavailable attachment style. I would’ve walked a long time ago if the sex was not off the charts. Relationships???!!!!??? I’m a lover not a fighter:/ My parents had a beautiful marriage. Why? Both similar backgrounds. Catholics. God. They were not Bible Thumpers. Catholics believe in abortion however, a baby is God. I would always talk someone into having a baby. I digress. I’m also A.D.D. so I fell off what you were saying. Your life long partner is suppose to be the best part of your life. No struggle. It’s suppose to be easy. Statistics 📊 do not lie. Half the population find the “one.” Where the other half of the population are given a second chance mid life at 50. I just don’t trust my boyfriend’s capability to be able to give me what is possible. I feel scared because I see red flags 🚩 where I know there are men out there who were raised like my brother’s. Being present is organic for men and women raised by cool a*z parents with a spiritual foundation. God Bless to everyone seeking love. Thanks 🙏 for your insight. You seem genuine however, I did fall off what you were saying. Being present in a relationship should not be complicated. I had to go. 😮❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉POW!

[@gebronthomasson6960]

Maybe not good idea but sent my ex 18 videos on first ones were me ANXIOUS and her DA and how we should communicate and heal and our core wounds and paid her $500 to watch them..all you can do if you care for them and want to see them heal and of course have them back if in the picture.she chose to take notes to show she watched them..i didn’t ask for the notes

[@formalhault5820]

Updates?

[@Zen4life-]

My ex DA has dumped me 2 times. He always said that the breakup had nothing to do with me and everything to do with himself. He's been viewing my profile on a dating app approx 5 times since our breakup in August. He's reached out 1 time in December I replied and he didn't respond again. Yet he continues to view my profile. If he ever decides to have a real conversation in person...I would probably ask him what he wants. I then would follow up with... well let's look at what you blame me for to cause the breakup? I would then ask him what part he feels responsible for!!?? That's my opinion ( you wanted people's opinions on this matter.) I find it would be a more delicate way of making him reflect and being accountable for his actions. This way I wouldn't have to blame , or tell him he's a DA and make him defensive. I feel he might be more receptive with this approach. Hope I actually get this opportunity at some point 🙏🙏

[@ellenmorse8559]

Two years into him appearing everyday on my dating profile. My love for him is slowly dying. He is paralyzed by his fears and there is nothing I can do. 😢

[@loverofbeautifulthings]

May I ask what dating profile it is where you can see that he is looking at it? (Match?)

[@Zen4life-]

@@loverofbeautifulthings Pof

[@tommytucker1768]

You frsme it as YOU ARE THE AVOIDANT

[@lmart16]

Lol. I definitely sent a link in no contact and was like... this is you.

[@JohnKaherovic]

you shouldnt have.

[@auralionasol2205]

@@JohnKaherovic who cares not like DA cares enough to see that its them lol

[@norswil8763]

@@JohnKaherovic I sent a video in the throws of the breakup, about understanding how FAs communicate and how to understand them and my now ex appreciated it and liked the effort. There’s a difference between an avoidant who is wilfully unaware of their trauma based triggers and behaviour and an avoidant who is well aware and still struggles to fight it, often feeling a lot of guilt and shame.

[@mountainman88]

I gave her a month of no contact after 3 months of spamming her inbox. She completely changed her tune. We kissed, hugged but she still said she didn't wamt anything and wanted to be alone. It got dramatic but I did manage to sow doubt in her mind about her reticence and the possibility of her being avoidant. Later that night, after walking away from me, she apologised for being so bipolar. I am back in no contact, but maybe she is now reflecting on her attitudes. Or not. Who knows.

[@stephenmorton953]

I sent my ex several of your videos with minimal comment and she watched them. I think it's important not to sell them, just to pass them along and let them do with it what they will. She admits she's avoidant.

[@AlexisFriedlander]

I hope my video will help her.

[@stephenmorton953]

@@AlexisFriedlanderno doubt it has! We are still not reunited but I am heartened by the dialogue we have begun. I'll be going on a long one-month trip soon and we plan to see each other when I get back.

[@0125FordBronco]

my DA ex which we have dated on and off for alittle over a year broke up with me almost 2 months ago saying she doesnt want a relationship right now. We havent talked in a month, i reached out yesterday texted her hope she is doing well, she doesnt reply but unblocks me on snapchat. Can someone shed some light on how this makes remotely any sense?

[@formalhault5820]

Update?

[@KarlMaton-tm9xj]

If you’re in no contact, they don’t see what you’re up to and so don’t think “I want some of that life”. That idea seems based on the ex seeing you in your life without them.

[@norswil8763]

I’m struggling with that too, we have many mutual friends so unsure how this will effectively work, but posting fun things you’re doing and achievements on socials is a good way… if you’re not blocked.

[@KarlMaton-tm9xj]

It all depends on mutual friends and social media use, neither of which applies in my case.

[@norswil8763]

@@KarlMaton-tm9xj that's a tricky situation then, I guess if you were thinking you would do the whole method where you wanted to build yourself up, work on some impressive things and be a busy/productive guy, next time she messages or calls you have it all to casually talk about.

[@florindmiftari]

Even if they unfriended you on snapchat?