Commute talk: Drugs, addiction and the name "Serenity"

[@lithium]

I had a sneaking suspicion this might be the case from a couple of your reddit posts. Very cool of you to be so open about it, and it's awesome that something great has come out of your struggles. Keep it up mate.

[@awesomekling]

Thanks lithium!

[@VexillariusMusicEDM]

You really put the "awesome" in "awesomekling" man. I hope and pray you continue to do better!

[@awesomekling]

Thanks Vexillarius! I hope things are going okay for you too :)

[@jondoe6608]

Man, I could never be this open about something like this. That's a lot of courage! I'm glad to know your in a better place now, getting rid of an addiction is not an easy task. Keep up the fight, don't let the shit take you back! Here have a big virtual hug.

[@lawrencemanning]

Amazing Andreas. I had no idea. I absolutely love the fact that this project of yours has, for want of a better phrase, "freed you". It brings tears to my eyes.

[@awesomekling]

Hey Lawrence! Thanks for the kind words :)

[@TheSn0ringOne]

Thank you for sharing your story. You've provided a beautifully human context to SerenityOS. What you've achieved here is a testament to the power of community, whether it be rehabilitation or collaboratively building an OS. Your experiences, hard work, and knowledge are a source of strength and inspiration, amplified and preserved by this channel. Programming is all about solving problems and building things, sometimes those problems lie within ourselves and tend to be the hardest to fix. Happy birthday to Serenity!

[@awesomekling]

Hi TheSn0ringOne! Thanks for listening :) And I agree, the power of community is so much greater than the sum of its parts. Happy birthday to Serenity!

[@antoniocs8873]

I guess we can always try and get a (kinda) healthy addiction like 8h+ coding :) Good to know your successfully dealing with your demons, hope you continue on your current path as it seems to be the best for you and for everyone that views your content here on youtube. Thanks for sharing!

[@awesomekling]

Hi Antonio! Thank you for always leaving such great comments, I really appreciate them :)

[@bigfootisjustreallyshy]

As a recovering heroin addict who has found a real passion in unix systems and programming the last few years, I gotta say you're a great role model for anyone trying to change their lives. You seem like a smart and genuinely nice guy with a lot of great insight into systems development. Keep up the hard work Andreas. I'm subscribing.

[@rogerclarkonline]

incredibly inspiring video man. it's been 5 years since my last drink, after almost a decade of extreme alcoholism since i started drinking in my early 20s. pretty clear that you made the right choice. keep it up brother

[@awesomekling]

Hey Roger, I’m really glad to hear that! gz on the 5 years :)

[@lionkor98]

Wow, major kudos for putting your story out there. I think the idea that addiction is lifelong is a good way of handling it. I heavily relate to the "coding for 8+ hours" thing, and I have to really keep a timer running that reminds me every so often to get up, walk around, drink some water or make a coffee. It's just what happens when you're prone to get addicted to things quite easily and also have a burning passion for programming. I'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of Serenity's story - It's a really nice system so far :D

[@punanipizza]

Same shit here. Broke down and checked myself in December last year. The thought of losing control again is so scary. Thanks for reminding me to dream big, and for the programming advice. Been watching and liking all these commutes, but never connected the dots. Stay on the path, you are influencing more people than you think

[@awesomekling]

Thanks Jonathan. Stay on the path, you too. There’s a better life ahead

[@kingraine1]

I have found this channel recently and I've amazed by your skill at programming, and now I feel more respect for you, because of your honesty and courage.

[@awesomekling]

Thank you, and welcome to the channel! :)

[@venkateshhariharan4341]

this will definitely help lot people, thanks for pouring it out. ❤️

[@TORTLESSS]

I like this vid man, speaks close to me even though mine is not as hard to deviate from as drugs/alcohol, but overeating and being lazy. Lately have been reprogramming myself as I've been like this since I was a child. Never made much of my college education, or learned programming to the extent I can, then unable to socialize better because I had low self esteem due to my weight. Lately the turning point has been meeting this girl at my internship :) pushed me to exercise daily(injured rn though), lost weight but still have roller coaster eating patterns. I guess what I'm trying to say is It's nice to have goals, like yourself developing serenity. it gives you something to look forward to, and I feel like with people like me and you who have had bad habits, introducing goals and other regiments is needed to fully cancel out any thoughts of doing what your past self does. I have successfully integrated exercise where I feel like I "NEED" to do it to feel good about myself or I feel weird if I don't, next up is getting better as a programmer as I'm self taught(no CS theory/heavy algorithm backgrounds), then playing guitar at a minimum per day, then learning about stock investing + mandatory books reading. Also needing to socialize with other people in our hobbies or interest is good to have. Sorry for the long post, I'm going to watch all your commute playlist as they talk about topics I'm interested in(how's it like to work at large codebases, how you self taught yourself programming(based from reddit), best practices, impostor syndrome, and other stuff regarding the workplace).

[@bernardiego]

You're awesome Andreas, and very courageous. Keep being strong, man. Happy birthday, Serenity!

[@zxxNikoxxz]

Happy birthday Serenity! I found out your youtube channel from your 4chan posts, you helped me learn more about programming! Thanks.

[@Nicolai0Nerland]

Takk for at du delte historien din med oss. Grattis med dagen, Serenity!

[@PandaMoniumHUN]

Great video. Speaks volumes about how you can give your life meaning by being dedicated to something bigger than you. I'm happy for you Andreas, congratulations on your sobriety and happy birthday to Serenity!

[@zoomstop]

Thanks for posting this. I've been reading about your amazing OS project for a few days now and it never clicked with me that your OS is named after the serenity prayer. The serenity prayer was hugely helpful for me when getting clean. I program also to keep myself busy, but your skills far far exceed mine. I starred your repo and will be watching your progress. Stay strong and keep writing beautiful code.

[@awesomekling]

Hey Tom! I'm so glad to hear you made your way out, too. Stay strong, brother. :)

[@gabrielfalcao7336]

Your story is inspiring, especially because you're strong enough to be vulnerable and open yourself up. I'm now an official fan and follower of the Serenity OS.

[@tommybandzaw5865]

Wow, that was a truly amazing story! I’m very moved by this, thanks for sharing.

[@DanMacDonald]

Congrats on getting yourself through rehab, cleaning yourself up and explaining the reason behind the project name, none of which are easily done. You had already told me about the prayer and I had spotted its link to the AA so I did suspect there was a good reason for choosing it. I liked the name Serenity anyway but now I like it even more knowing it has a purpose and deep personal meaning. I'm reminded of Minor Threat / Fugazi and the straight edge movement they inspired. Happy first birthday to Serenity and extra congrats for a super productive first year.

[@awesomekling]

Thanks Dan! Your positive attitude and constant cheerfulness is a huge inspiration for me :)

[@KevinSheppard]

Thanks for making this vid, man. I, personally, don't struggle with addiction but someone very near and dear to me did. It takes a huge amount of strength to come out of it, and even more to come out of it alone (like yo did). I'm glad you're managing it well now and that you're strong enough to tell your story. Thanks again!

[@awesomekling]

Hey Kevin! Talking about it is an essential part of recovery, so thank you for listening.

[@basecasebasecase]

Wow, thank you for sharing something so personal, Andreas. Congrats on the progress you've made so far, and best wishes on your continued journey. The Serenity project is really great, and I always look forward to your videos.

[@seebaastian]

Thank you for sharing with us your life experience. keep moving ;)

[@JusticeHunter]

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you were able to change to healthier forms of addictions. ( like OS hacking ) Have a nice journey man!

[@bruhbigchungus]

Respect my dude. Had no idea about this, but love your work. The world is a better place for it. Keep it up!

[@mescellaneous]

thanks for making this video. i am also thinking on embarking on creating an app. i have severe internet addiction, so it's not curable, but based on your idea that addiction can't be cured, i hope that i can consciously treat it then. not as ambitious as your os, but i do hope the app is able to help others in an impactful way..

[@blackneos940]

Beating a drug addiction like beating the security of a Server's OS... :) Patience, persistence, and the will to carry on.... Only the Server part is usually more malicious.... :) I have Autism, so I got addicted to alcohol really easily I guess.... People with Autism have compulsion issues, so maybe that's a big part of that. I live with my Mom because of my Autism, so when she found out I was drinking, first she killed me, then she revived me, and got me some medication from a Doctor that helps with compulsiveness... I like Programming too. :) Think I'll give SerenityOS a try! :D That's no small feat you know, making an OS! :)

[@ProgrammingwithPeter]

Love the honesty, programming addiction is real! Do you think a Go Pro will help you on car ? If you are going to do this kind of talks more, you should buy a better camera that handles shaking.

[@awesomekling]

Hi Peter! Sure, I could probably film better videos with a GoPro. I'm trying to be responsible with money, and the next thing I need to upgrade is my development computer.. but maybe after that I can look at getting a better camera :)

[@ProgrammingwithPeter]

@@awesomekling same for me :(

[@mbux14]

@@awesomekling Have you tried software stabilization?

[@kattihatt]

Wow, great job man!

[@roschern]

I never knew! Sounds like you are doing well! Keep it up! :)

[@tato-chip7612]

I dont really have addiction problems(unless you can call eating a lot an addiction) But i have a friend who has a real problem with alchohol, weed,smoking in general. Tbh he worries me a lot. Now i dont know if i did the right thing but our country has mandatory millitary service(non lethal) for all men after high school assuming they dont first want to go to uni. I recommended to him to go since he has started realising his issues and lack of direction.

[@awesomekling]

Hi John, I think that’s a really good recommendation for your friend. I wish I would have gone off to military service instead of bs’ing my way out of it and goofing off like I did. You’re a good man trying to help your friend there :)

[@tato-chip7612]

@@awesomekling tbh its less millitary service and more getting put in your place for 9-12 months + jailtime

[@alentor]

You are awesome!!!

[@awesomekling]

Hi alentor! It’s not something I’m planning to work on, but if someone wanted to do that, they could ;)

[@telnobynoyator_6183]

There is a person I will send this video to. Thanks for making it !

[@bytefu]

It's interesting how drugs work, how they mangle and twist psychophysiology. When I was doing drugs (thankfully, never got to heroin or anything like that) I was having a problem with addiction. Now I have the opposite problem: depression. Being on the spectrum doesn't help either. These days it's a struggle to write code even for 3 hours a day, let alone being addicted to it, and it was my favourite thing ever and my only source of income. It's really hard to do anything at all, actually, I just don't have neither energy, nor desire, everything is bland and not interesting, even watching KZbin and playing games is mostly boring and is just to kill time. It's hard to concentrate, focus on a task and not being carried away by recurring negative thoughts. I had some problems before drugs, but they amplified them along with giving me new ones. I am staying mostly clean for two years now, taking medication and trying my best to stay active in programming and other activities, growing Habanero peppers at home. The progress feels very slow, but it's still better than having wild mood swings and constantly thinking about how to get the next gram of weed. They say everything is good in moderation - well, it's hard to control drugs, but it's easy for them to control you. So it's better just to stay away from them. I am glad that you managed to beat it and are doing great, Andreas, and hope that our examples will deter people from walking the dark path. All the best to you, man.

[@awesomekling]

Thanks Artem, I'm glad to hear you're doing better. One thing that really helped me when I was struggling with the everyday stuff was going to anon meetings and hanging out with other people who felt the same way I did. Having someone to relate to in person, not just online, can be really powerful for breaking out of that gray place. Just a thought :)

[@MindGameArcade]

Glad you beat the addiction, would have never guessed.

[@AmCanTech]

thanks!!

[@mohamedsaif1928]

Happy for you Andreas. You do great. May Allah bless you, mate

[@paulfreland9516]

I just love you.

[@thestartupguy3975]

My girl left me for drugs😔 now I'm becoming a full time dev to take my mind off it

[@yacines3180]

ty

[@AntoninAdert]

I feel you very much. I reach out because I've been somewhere else close to what you feel. Is coding a new kind of drug though? I love your work, maybe you would like some user need finding on it? Cya

[@awesomekling]

Hi Antonin! Thanks for reaching out, I hope you are doing better now. Coding is obviously not a drug, although it can definitely be an addiction. I don't think it's possible to ever be cured from addiction, so the best thing to do is find ways to turn the weakness into a strength, for example by accumulating really good habits and working extremely hard on them. I don't know what user need finding is, but I'm only designing this system for myself, and I know what my own needs are ;)

[@tabishrashidi4487]

A lot of people mention this Reddit account, for the tutorial on how he self-taught programming. Does anyone have a link to this Reddit thread or account?

[@purity9432]

same shit bro, tried to leave this way of life, but fucked up again month ago(((((((((( my last sober interval is the biggest (half of this year) - I think next one will be endless

[@awesomekling]

We all mess up sometimes. Just keep at it bro, one day at a time 😊

[@p20ph37]

I'm an addict too.

[@SiddharthKulkarniN]

Who's here from the HN post?

[@adamblomberg]

I thought drugs would destroy your brain permanently. Apparently that's not the case, but of course I still hate everything that has anything with drugs to do, and I will never touch it, if a friend would be doing it I'll eliminate that person from my life, but I'm very confident that won't happen as im very selective about friends who can learn me something, and that is worth my time. I also only have individual friendships where I'm only meeting them individually. Maybe university or work will change that somewhat.

[@bytefu]

Some drugs do destroy your body and therefore your brain, e.g. stimulants (amphetamine, cocaine and so on) and alcohol. But others, such as marijuana, are sneakier than that, they mostly don't affect the body, but instead slowly and progressively twist your mind. That gives you the illusion of control and their harmlessness, but the consequences are devastating and very hard to fix, if not impossible. Imagine overwriting some vital OS data and having no backups or other means of restoring it. The hardware is fine, but it won't work as expected anymore.

[@hanes2]

I think TempleOS 2.0 should be your next project

[@awesomekling]

TempleOS is already perfect.

[@hanes2]

@@awesomekling you're right. what about PyramidOS then,.