Car talk: Which drugs did I use?

[@ReagueOfRegends]

Hey Andreas - I've sparsely commented on your vids a few times in the past over the years (you made a "moving on from 1st job" car talk for me about 1.5 years ago), interacted with you on /g/ and hackernews, and even have a couple commits to Serenity. I want to say that your vids help me tremendously. You gave me the balls to almost double my salary and slingshot my career. You also helped me cope with going bald in my mid 20s. Lastly, you're helping me understand that I'm not a fucked up freak for doing drugs. I relate to you - I started with marijuana at 24, got very heavy into it at 25 and then moved onto other "harmless" drugs like psilocybin, LSD, E and MDMA. I got bored of those and moved onto delerients (DPH, Datura). Literally could not stand being sober. Started working from home to get high, avoiding social obligations to get high, lost friends, girls etc. Not good! Got clean recently. Put on heavy muscle in the gym. Looking to be engaged by the end of 2022. You're really helping out at least one random internet dude. Thanks for all you do. :^)

[@awesomekling]

Hey T! Really glad to hear that things are looking up :^)

[@benjaminclehmann]

I never thought you would answer this question, but the theme of the solution to every problem being a chemical is something I wish I would have known earlier. So thank you for talking openly about this, it's a great help to others' recovery.

[@noahkeedleisack5935]

Really nice to hear such an honest and candid talk on your experiences and history. Love watching and following your work, keep up the awesome content man! :)

[@VloggerMan-if9bt]

I took Adderall (legal amphetamine used to treat ADHD) daily and it completely fucked me up. I lost 20 pounds and essentially turned into a zombie. After I stopped I basically stayed in my room and did nothing for an entire month due to how bad the withdrawal was. That month was the month I got into Linux and started watching your channel. Your videos provided comfort for during my withdrawal and I just wanted to thank you for getting me through that tough time and encouraging me to program again.

[@flipbit03]

It was clear how stressful digging through these stories was for you throughout your outpour - It was personally unnerving for me to watch you suffer and relive some of these memories, as I too have experience with some of these subjects. I am now in a much better place (we are!), which is amazing. Congratulations on carving out a better path for yourself, and more power to you and your journey, Mr. Kling! I also follow your work on SerenityOS as well, and have nothing but absolute respect for your work and your life story.

[@arial7]

Hey Andreas 👋 I've been watching your channel for over a year now. I'm pretty sure this was the hardest video for you to make so far. Opening up to the whole internet certainly isn't easy! I want to thank you so much for everything your doing with and for the Serenity community. You are a great person, a good teacher and a huge inspiration!

[@keyboard_g]

Thank you for sharing. We’re happy that you are clean.

[@SamualN]

4 more days and you'll reach quite an _advanced_ count

[@awesomekling]

Ind33d!

[@forgottenmohawks8734]

Thank you for sharing Andreas. I only know you from your videos, but I think you are fundamentally a very good person, no matter what things the past you may have done. I am very happy that you got away from the destructive path you were on, and that you started the Serenity project, and that you are helping others by sharing your story.

[@MorisanAV]

Thanks for sharing Andreas, it's great to have you here with us sharing your passion for development, so candidly. We're all rooting for you. Also, look out for that sweet 1337 day mark :^) Much love 🤗

[@MorisanAV]

At the end of the video now, your experiences with cocaine really resonate with me - even though I haven't been an user, several people in my family have been / are struggling with that addiction in particular and your words are enlightening. Thanks again, hearing your story really helped me understand what they are going through.

[@nokkreload]

Venting is great and you proved to be an amazing person who was able to leave where you were and go to where you wanted to be today. For that it takes a lot of determination and I can only wish you all the success you deserve and keep being strong!

[@bobbycomputers]

This sure has given me a lot to think about. Really touching video and I don't think I'll ever forget it. You're an inspiration and I love the friendly care you display.

[@zariduomega]

I'm glad that to hear that you're recovering and living a healthier and happier life now. Thanks for sharing your story. One of the things that motivated me to seek help and a better life was hearing others speak honestly and openly about their personal struggles, and I hope talks like this motivate others who are struggling to reach out and seek help too.

[@thepanta_82]

An amazing story. Thank you for sharing.

[@SpreadGuts]

A lot of young (and sometimes not so young) people go through such life experiences and they need to be destigmatized for proper reintegration into society without fear that often drives them into drugs in the first place. Thank you for sharing, Andreas!

[@m0sc0w]

Thanks for sharing. It's often times very refreshing to see someone in such dire straights fix their situation and continue to be successful. I relate to this in many ways. Keep it going!

[@umamibeef]

Thank you for sharing that very intimate experience.

[@ahtcx]

It’s very brave of you to share this with us, your experiences have helped me and I’m sure many others ❤️

[@RuinousGrace]

Thank you for sharing your story; I can't imagine it's an easy thing to do.

[@computeraidedworld1148]

I'm not an addict, but just having, really a stranger, that I respect talk about their hardships, hardships that I can't begin to comprehend is pretty thought provoking when I comes to the general subject of life. Side thought, what makes someone a stranger. I'm a stranger to you, but are you a stranger to me?

[@LEADER0FY0U]

Knowing I'm the type that gets addicted to stuff, and how close I've been to falling into alcohol dependency. I'm frightened of even taking medications on doctors orders. I'm not fully sure how to deal with it. I've been addicted to simple things, like milk. Used to chug 4~5 litres per day, skipping food etc as i could just drink milk. But many other stuff as well. Only thing I found really works for me is environmental changes. Moved cities, countries etc just to break free.

[@sirspudd]

Your openness is exemplary and awesome; raw, ragged and real every fucking time. I currently weigh 110 kg, but owe this to calorific surplus rather than intent; I hope your joints and your heart survived any long term consequences.

[@Pichelinou]

Thanks for sharing. It's great to see people can change for the better.

[@porkmancer]

Thanks for sharing Andreas, It takes courage to face the past, even more to speak the truth. Love your content, keep up the good work buddy.

[@dogebad]

i was a regular smoker and psychonaut and it really started to affect my mental health to where i checked myself into a facility. while in there i realized my problem was me using drugs to escape every little stress in my life and thinking being high would make me better at music, video games, etc. it didnt and it made me stagnant for the better part of 2 years. I've only had one relapse which had me freaking out so badly that it effectively scared me from ever doing it again. I'm genuinely grateful to be sober now. thank you for sharing this, it's really cool and comforting coming from someone i look up to! ❤️

[@derbastilian]

Thank you for sharing! You are a great role model in all aspects!

[@pauek]

So brave, Andreas. It's is very difficult for me to imagine how complicated life must have been at that point. You seem to have grown incredibly (and incredibly quickly) as a person because of it... thanks for sharing.

[@alexandrohdez3982]

You are a great human been that is geting over your problems. Family, friends, girlfriend are a good suport 💪

[@NickPaul41]

Hello friend. Thanks for sharing.

[@PatrickMagill]

Thank you for sharing this Andreas.

[@jzc0616]

Over three and half years! That's very impressive. Keep it going! Everything will get better!

[@DanielLiljeberg]

Your openess and honesty is a good use of your platform. I grew up in a abusive home with addicted parents. It was "only" alcohol but this kind of open talk is what I was hoping from my parents before they passed away. Sadly they were never ready for that and although I have dealt with it and managed to get an OK life there will always be questions and thoughts that will never get an answer.

[@asystole_]

Thanks so much for sharing this with us, Andreas.

[@cognisent_]

I want to echo so many other comments by thanking you for being brave enough to speak frankly about this stuff, and for your previous openness on the topic. Learning about the challenges that others have often provides some context for my own. I am familiar with these kinds of challenges.

[@deansundquist9601]

Stay real Andreas, honesty within is real power.

[@JaseTheAussie]

Thanks for sharing - glad you were able to find a way out 👍

[@sammmba]

Hey Andreas, thank you for sharing your history. You're such an inspiration for me, your job is amazing. I can see that was hard to you to tell us. I have a REALLY fear of drugs and I just smoke ciggars and it TO HARD to stop I can image how hard it was to you. Please, keep you clean and thank you for this video!

[@ancientapparition1638]

It was very brave to talk about this on the net. Glad you're doing better.

[@Reichstaubenminister]

This comment section is insane. I think I have never seen a more wholesome, real and non-pretentious community like this one before. I really enjoy every video of yours - be it about coding or about personal things, every comment by someone that equally enjoys it, and of course every :^) I see. Thank you, Andreas. You're a great guy. :^)

[@Reichstaubenminister]

alright mr. theatrical

[@MarekKnapek]

Thank you for sharing. I drink beer a lot, until I can not hold the glass anymore. Half year ago accident happened to me with serious injury because of that. Broken bones including pelvis. I hope I become better person, stop drinking, start caring about myself more, sort out my psychological issues.

[@realEchoz]

i appreciate this perspective and honesty as a more casual drug user. perhaps not in an effort of a road to sobriety, which isn't really a goal for me, but regardless an affirmation that i need to remain careful and tactful when it comes to my reliance or lack thereof on drugs.

[@TheKittko]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[@_xexxa_]

Thank you for sharing Andreas, this got me reflecting in new ways about my addiction. Honest and beautiful video.

[@kijetesantakalu]

I'm so glad a heavy (but beautiful) LSD trip made me lose my appetite in drugs so much I got off without too much hassle. A lot of friends had way much more problems with it, so I understand where you've been. Well done, you can be proud of yourself.

[@dh71]

It's probably not easy to talk about these things in a public forum like this. I am certain that this will be a very helpful resource for many people that are (or were) in a similar situation and strugle with it. I tip my hat to you, Andreas!

[@colinstu]

Thanks for sharing your story

[@niazfaridani-rad2147]

Hey, thanks for sharing! Would have never guessed that you were that much into weight training. I heard from some former steroid user, that it was hard to train without them, because the training isn't the same. I think I heard you talk about still training today. Did you mix up the exercises and start over with new PRs, or how did you deal with that? Or do you now have a different focus when training?

[@lithium]

I sort of always assume blow was your drug of choice, I wonder if that says more about me? ;) Happy to see you're still going strong after all these years.

[@alurma]

Thanks for sharing.

[@blz6895]

Really brave and admirable of you to go through all of this and talk about, wish you the best.

[@dmytrobondal4127]

Well done 180ing your life Andreas! It's so liberating to live without having to maintain 10,000 lies. You should be very proud of yourself.

[@bjornmuh]

But now he maintains 10000000 LoCs instead.😅

[@nullsphix8382]

Recently, we had a talk about drugs in our school to promote the prevention of using them. Your story is common. Addicts typically start off with lighter drugs but slowly progress onto harder drugs because they've generated a dopamine tolerance.

[@MrCmon113]

That's total nonsense. What's a "dopamine tolerance"? If there was something wrong with your dopamine system, you'd have parkinsons.

[@FarisEdits]

thank you for sharing this.

[@yuvaltasher2054]

Thanks for opening so much and sharing your experiences. Although I am relatively young compared to the age people usually start doing those kinds of stuff and have never tried any mood-changing chemicals, this video really enlightened me about drug abuse, and as always I learned a lot from it and from your personal experience and I hope for me and others not to get into such situations, and for me to know how to help the ones struggling with addiction. One of your last notes, about always being honest, really stuck with me, and I will try to be as honest as I can moving onward. Thanks for always putting such heartwarming and interesting videos, Andreas, and I wish you to stay healthy and sober 💜

[@joga_bonito_aro]

I just wanted to say, thank you for doing this!

[@r4x2]

Thanks for the honesty!

[@Stormgate666]

incredible video, thx a lot for sharing ❤️

[@L4ky13]

Sending you love Andreas.

[@paulwratt]

"Just do it" - hmm.. where have I heard that before .. thanks for sharing. Its easier to be honest with others when you tell yourself the truth.

[@kyu9649]

In 4 days you are 1337 days clean. Time to celebrate :D

[@Teeh0]

I hope you're sharing because you want to, and not because you feel pressured to.

[@Teeh0]

At the end of the video now. Happy to lend an ear. Proud of you! :^)

[@awesomekling]

No pressure. Like many people who have some success with addiction recovery, I want to help other people find their way. The best way I know how to do that is to talk about my own experience so that someone who’s suffering today can relate and recognize it in themselves. :)

[@jon42689]

@@awesomekling Thanks for putting this up. I'm not exactly where you were but your perspective is very useful in problem solving for myself, and I know for a fact I'm not the only one who feels this way. The openness and honesty is so highly valued and many times lacking with people who have already problem solved in these areas and found success.

[@shivisuper91]

Keep inspiring people. Respect!

[@MattBidewell]

You're looking super healthy at the moment, seeing some gains over the course of your vids!

[@cosmiccometchichi]

Thanks for sharing

[@MrCmon113]

I guess people really differ a lot in what cocaine does for them. I never understood why one would want to take cocaine over some amphetamine.

[@SoulSukkur]

probably should've waited another 4 days. would've been very elite of you.

[@desktorp]

I think I first started smoking weed when I was about 14.. pretty much smoked every day for the next 22 years. I generally smoked between 1-2 oz per month, depending on the quality. Came down with a mystery respiratory illness in 2013 and quit for about 6 months. Similar respiratory illness happened in 2019 and I haven't smoked since. This time I have reached a point where I no longer have the desire to smoke, even though I'm still around it on a daily basis. But if I had a fresh, free supply, there's a good chance I would eat it. The only other 'substance' I would consider myself permanently 'addicted' to is mushrooms, but I've really only done them about a dozen times and it's been many years since the last time. But I know if I could get them tonight, I'd probably do them tomorrow. Never cared much for alcohol. Thanks for sharing the story of your journey.

[@pigalex]

thanks for sharing, andreas :^)

[@thestartupguy3975]

Thanks for sharing! We've all had our dark places in life, and it's never easy to talk about. Also, thanks for all the inspiration you've given me on my project and to be a better person overall.

[@DeadDonut]

Harsh seeing you visibly upset talking about it... hope you eventually can declare emotional peace with those heavy memories... i have never been into drugs at all but i have had some really rough parts of my life about lying about my life to others and lying to myself about being able to manage on my own. I have ADD/ADHD and was VERY late for a diagnosis. when i was 20 years old i was told constantly that i should be able to manage everything that i did not manage. It is awful to be constantly unhappy that something felt wrong and that one does not understand why the problem is a problem. about 10 years later i got a diagnosis and it has been a struggle to accept that i am not as functional as "normal" people. Arbeta hårt grabben. Jag har relativt nyligen börjat lära mig programera och någon gång i framtiden vill jag arbeta på / hjälpa till med ditt operativ :-)

[@yacines3180]

Great vid. I wouldn't have the balls to make a video like this public.

[@qisu4994]

Thanks for your sharing

[@user-ry4ip9ps9x]

Very strong bro 💪

[@thefallen138]

Andreas, you're strong as fuck.

[@lekooz2301]

even my CODING idols aren't natty D:

[@DangerousPictures]

How has serenity helped with your recovery/staying clean? I'd imagine having a big project like this is a great motivation

[@mikolasstrajt3874]

Andreas found himself after therapy with lots of time and he didn't wanted to fall into drug abuse again so he started Serenity project to keep himself busy. If you are not familiar with it - even it's name echoes this as it's reference to Serenity Prayer used by Anonymous Alcoholics.

[@lawrencemanning]

And here it is: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Even as a non believer, I find it helpful. See also: stoicism.

[@joeshmoe000]

I started out pretty similar to you, but later was very different. I'm also a programmer (although not professionally). I wish I could get beyond languages like C# and more into C++, but maybe I'm not smart enough. I just get angry after trying to write C++ for a while. For me, drugs seemed to mainly be a cope for emotional and pain issues. I developed this gut rot feeling around 18 years old and got diagnosed with IBS. Started drinking both out and alone at nights. Then tried weed. That I only used for a month or two cause I didn't really like it, but that was all I could get. Trying to be "smart", I thought that I just needed a drug that was like a better version of alcohol - like non-toxic and not inebriating. So I learned about GHB. Started using that nightly and that went really bad in the long term and led to other things... Today I use kratom daily, but nothing else. I still want to get clean from that, but it's not really a big deal compared to other drugs.

[@joeshmoe000]

Forgot to mention. Keeping the mind or body 100% utilized is super important for addiction.

[@poppybrosjunior]

Thanks for this. Just thanks.

[@SuperbonyTheCat]

Watching you programming is drug enough for me 😸

[@thegabriel3891]

Did not expect /fit/

[@awesomekling]

I guess I’m just a lucky guy 🍀

[@shadone2988]

[@_Omni]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@muffinberg7960]

I think we are very much like. Would you have any advice for someone that is huge on stimulants. I am obsessed with nicotine, caffeine, modafinil, ritalin. I no longer smoke and use nicotine but the rest of them did stick. It is always with a cue for doing work, or when I need to answer to an environmental stimuli. That is when I always get the urge to use them and use it to cope. I started to gain some very unhealthy behaviors, and I am currently speculating the cause to be these drugs.

[@awesomekling]

Hey muffinberg! I know how you feel brother. The stimulants are no doubt contributing to the unhealthy behaviors you are seeing develop. Doing drugs today is basically taking out debt that your future self will eventually have to pay. My main advice would be to talk to somebody in your life about how you feel, and try to be as honest as possible. :)

[@muffinberg7960]

@@awesomekling Thank you for the reply. I think your advice worked for me when I was quitting smoking. I was a heavy smoker for 5 years, smoked at least 1.5 packs a day. I grow a hate towards it and then voiced this to other people around me. I am now smoke free for 7 years. Unfortunately I dont know how I can apply this to other drugs I use as they dont scream bad and they are coupled with my work which is a huge part of my self image. I have streghten my resolve and been dead sure to quit smoking and never start again. However it is hard to grow these types of emotions for work related drugs as work is for my survival and my success is hugely admired by others. I think what initially did it back then was coming to the realisation that nicotine destroyed my work as I needed to take breaks every 15 mins just to satiate my addiction. If I can find and focus on something similarly bizarre with other drugs I can finally the grow apart from the remaining of them.

[@JustAlexanderThings]

:^) Really genuine video

[@hossamsalama1430]

What a history! I wonder how old you are

[@winfr34k]

Holy cow. This all sounds super bleak. Thank you for sharing your stories with the world, even if they're uncomfortable to share. This might be too much but I'm also too curious not to ask, so if you don't wanna talk about it I can totally understand... How did you get on with your life besides the drugs? Like, I assume you did something in your free time besides drugs and you, of course, had to work to get the money to pay for them. How was it possible to do all of this in this heaviness without anyone noticing? Or did people notice and you just became super good about hiding it somehow?

[@retrogameplus3838]

Hi Andreas. You may remember me from a long time asker of cat questions on your live streams. Please know that you don't "owe" anyone any "explanations" if you don't want to do it.

[@birdboat5647]

❤❤❤

[@venkateshhariharan4341]

andreas, my father is addict to alcohol, what should I do to keep him away from drugs? plz give some advice, I don't have any idea what it feels like and I don't know what to do?

[@andreicapi3535]

I’m sorry to hear this, as a guy who’s father is also an Alcoholic the hard truth is that their is nothing you can do and it’s none of your fault, he has deep issues which he is using Alcohol to self medicate, it’s only him that can accept whether he has an issue or not and all you can do if he is not abusive is try and offer support but other than that just make sure you take care of yourself first

[@tommytomtomtomestini3894]

❤ (no homo)

[@hydejel3647]

[@pacman10182]

so when is your psychotic break so we can get terry back?

[@DerMannInDerWand]

I understand it's meant in jest but that is in very poor taste dude.

[@pacman10182]

@@DerMannInDerWand gonna cry?

[@DerMannInDerWand]

@@pacman10182 what do you get from being a prick to people?

[@yeahok9165]

@@DerMannInDerWand You're not Terry or Andreas, so the joke is not about you. Not everyone sees humour as something hostile, so don't shame others for having a good laugh

[@DerMannInDerWand]

@@yeahok9165 yeah, ok. still think op's a twat (for that kindergarten response)