Coping with Flat Denial - What I Wish I'd Done Differently

[@AK27inAZ]

You're helping a lot of women from potentially experiencing similar troubles or trauma with their surgeons. Thank you!

[@estrogendiaries]

Thanks!

[@Evangelizarconpoder7494]

I just had done a mastectomy , I do feel that the uncologist pushed immediately to have an implant, didn't even gave the option to choose..

[@t.l1357]

I'm so sorry to hear that you endured this. Please seek a medical malpractice firm. They will provide resources and protect you. You can help another victim and you don't need to do this alone. God bless

[@rachelsmename6]

Hi Kathleen, it's your new friend in Vancouver. I'm sorry to hear that your wishes were not listened to by your surgeon. That's a terrible thing you went through. Just wanted you to know there's a wonderful surgeon here in Vancouver here named Dr. Cory Donovan in case anyone you know is looking for a surgeon that will respect their wishes. She's so kind and easy to talk with and she has a high reputation.

[@estrogendiaries]

I'll keep this name in my book! Thanks Rachel!

[@MMargaretRiley]

I'm sorry that you had such a terrible time with that surgeon. My situation was not the same (long story) but I also had a surgeon who thought that she knew best and shot me down. I suffered mentally and emotionally from having to deal with her and refused to follow up with her after the surgery. You handled things properly but were betrayed while unconscious. I blame myself for caving at a time when I was vulnerable and frightened and the surgeon was a bully. Maybe the worst part of this is that these surgeons were WOMEN. Unfortunately, women can also be misogynists.

[@estrogendiaries]

YES. They are trained to be just as misogynistic as the men are. Hopeful that will change in time.

[@lizp.9513]

Thank you for sharing. It is so disappointing that surgeons still do not listen to their patients!

[@estrogendiaries]

Yes! But some do. I just wish I'd known that it's typical to have to look hard for the good ones!

[@TheMoonsma]

I am so sorry you had to go through such trauma and salute you for your courage to speak up

[@sophiemelen7280]

I have followed all your posts, I have been diagnosed with DCSI grade 3, which my doctor never explained to me, I live in London and being treated by the NHS so no private doctors for me. I think you are such a brave women putting it out there, more women should know about this. I think you are very beautiful woman, you remind me of Rene Zellweger and your voice is very soothing. These are the first posts that I can relate to, and I have learned a lot from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Be safe

[@estrogendiaries]

So glad you found it helpful. My grandmother was from the UK so I am very interested in the way breast cancer patients are treated there. I love Liz O'Reordan. Not sure if that's the correct spelling of her name but she's a great UK resource. Do you know of her youtube videos?

[@cynthialeon3129]

Hi My Name is Cindy age 61 I had my double masectomy Aug 25. I too told my surgeon I wanted flat closure with no reconstructive. I specifically told her since I'm older I don't want reconstructive. I had DCIs stage 0 so I wanted the double masectomy. Well in the surgical notes that I signed was sparingly masectomy which I thought was flat closure. Well as I healed and I saw how I look I was also so disappointed she left me with extra skin and it looks so ugly how I look now . When I went for post op I told her what happened ???didn't I say I want flat closure she told me well I thought maybe you'd change your mind so I left extra skin for a reconstructive.....boy I was pissed. So now I hate how it came out but I'm only grateful to my God yes they caught it in time but Dr. did not listen . I don't want another surgery to correct it because it was so hard and it was so painful. I don't want to go through another surgery. So yes I was denied also.

[@estrogendiaries]

So sorry Cynthia. I hope you’ll check out Kim’s website, Not Putting on a Shirt. It’s very common for women to be ignored like this, but there are things we can do to ensure it stops!

[@ndaalias4426]

I hope you will sent those letters. Just for yourself. Don't focus on the outcome and I hope miracles will occure because of having no expectations (positive or negative) of the outcome. Was crying hearing your story. She should have respected your decision. I was also directed firmly to place an implant that I did not want. She didn't want to hear no on sillicones. I am choosing a different operation that my plastic surgeon told me I couldn't have. I asked for a 2nd opinion elsewhere because the conversation did not felt good to me. One week before my surgery she tried me to force me into something I didn't want. Luckily I am getting the surgery that I want very soon. It will take a couple of surgeries but I think it will be worth all the pain. I also have a better feeling about the person who will operate me for the 1st time for my breast reconstruction, because I felt heard by this surgeon. Was hoping that I would be able to live with one breast but I find it harder to do so. Thank YOU for telling your story ❤❤❤❤ Truly hope you will send it...or at least speak up to the surgeon so she knows and realise the impact that she made by not hearing and accepting YOUR decision about your body. Just a reality check for them. Wish you empowerment for your journey! Big hug

[@estrogendiaries]

Thanks! I think I will. Yes, good for you insisting on what you need. You are in charge here!

[@Gail-qi1gp]

I reminded my plastic surgeon just before going under anesthesia that I wanted to be completely flat and had no intention of getting prosethics. I came out with baggy skin and was told they left it just in case I later wanted an implant. It's been 4 years and I'm still angry every time I think about it. I saw the breast surgeon, but I never went back to see the plastic surgeon. Somehow, we need to find a way to communicate to surgeons that they do not have the right to override our decisions about our bodies.

[@estrogendiaries]

This is so hard. Very very upsetting. NOT ok. Have you looked at notputtingonashirt.org?

[@cherfromtn8225]

Many times medical facilities have quality control departments. This is a quality issue. You had a practitioner who did not follow your wishes. IMO you need to lodge a complaint.

[@lindadahl-j1b]

Thank you for sharing. I’ve learned a lot from listening to to you already. And you’re very empowering to other women.

[@estrogendiaries]

I'm so glad!

[@Jennyjen3442]

Hello, I am very sorry to hear about your experience with the different doctors that you have encountered. I was diagnosed with DCIS invasive breast cancer in July 2021 and under went a lumpectomy surgery after which I had 5 months of chemotherapy and 6 weeks of radiation therapy. Looking back, I truly believe that if my surgeon had waited for my genetic test result to come back then explain what it meant I would have made a more informed choice. However, that was taken away from me because by the time I got the result that showed I had the PLAB2 mutation genes, my surgery was already completed. Yet still, no one has ever sat me down and explained what having the gene mutation means. Its been two years since my surgery, and I am always in pain because the chemo has caused neuraphaty in my hands and feet, and where they removed lymph nodes under my arms has developed terrible scar tissue. This along with the scar tissue caused by the radiation to my breast has change my life. I have had several scans, MRIs and other tests that i am thankful for, but it is very hard on the body and on ones mental state. I am now wating on the result of two biopsies that was done on my right breast, and I have already made up my mind that if it's cancer again, I will definately have both my breast removed. As a result, I want you to know that you have been a blessing to me in sharing your experience. May God continue to bless and keep you always. 11:26

[@estrogendiaries]

God bless you too my friend. I'm sorry it's been such a struggle.

[@tonidi623]

Thank you for sharing your story, that is admirable, you’re so brave. I’m sorry to hear what happened to you. My situation was different and went well with my surgeons and I’m so thankful to God. Again thank you for sharing and best wishes in your recovering hope all is well with you now. ❤

[@estrogendiaries]

Thank you so much!

[@Debra_Barron]

Thank you so much for everything that you share. Thank you for responding to my comments. I am a breast cancer survivor and didn’t consider reconstruction. Self conscious about my appearance haunts me. ~~Mississippi

[@amazingautumn12]

Would you have done the implants if you could go back?

[@willmitchell2553]

I’m 81. 119lbs. I asked that he not only take the breast with the large mast ( 9mm)but the other. I requested flat closure got flat with 2 large Dog ears my mistake was not knowing to say aesthetically flat reconstructed . Evidently two very important words at 81 fearing any further attempt the dog ears will remain and the unusual tight feeling across my chest I cannot chance any memory problems….Wishing you the very best🌸💕🌸

[@estrogendiaries]

Do you mean centimeters? 8 mm is really small! I’m sorry that your surgeon wasn’t more sensitive. I’m with you in the struggle!

[@elitehills1544]

❤thank you so much dear for sharing this !

[@estrogendiaries]

You are very welcome.

[@shiracreep]

Happened to me. Operated the wrong breast and stuff like that. Love you! Stay strong ❤

[@estrogendiaries]

Wow. That’s awful!

[@maggiel.7923]

May I ask where do you find photos of the end result you want to show to the PS?

[@maggiel.7923]

And thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom.

[@estrogendiaries]

Yes! good question--I recommend facebook groups: Fierce Flat Forward is the main one. Also "Goldilocks SWIM Mastectomy" if you would like a closure like my breasted side. Plenty of photos on instagram too if you look up "goingflat" or "flatclosure". My particular inspiration came from a woman named Lucinda if you do a search on fierce flat forward for her first name...

[@cherylbrash]

I just found you today. I guess we can thank Google for watching what I have been researching . I have absolutely no awareness of these sorts of issues. I was advised not to spend time on the internet but information like this is so empowering and I thank you so much as I start this journey . I also don’t do the medical route much because I have noticed that some doctors don’t appreciate my opinions . Which is fine but I do not want to feel left out of the process. I was born in oregon and have family in Portland. I live in Louisiana now. Again, Thanks so much .

[@estrogendiaries]

Yes, doctors like pastors are often narcissists, I find. It's a tragic thing in light of what we need when we are ill and at risk. But when you find a learner among them, it makes it all that much more sweet. I have searched far and near and I've found some real kindred folk, but it takes time!

[@Cheri-USA]

@@estrogendiariesWhy do call pastors narcissists? That seems like a very broad statement.

[@joancoleman1228]

Thank you for sharing this. It is so helpful.

[@estrogendiaries]

Glad it was helpful!

[@nadiacolby3138]

I am sorry about my ignorance. But are there very negative side effects if you want reconstruction?

[@estrogendiaries]

Some women have auto immune reactions to implants, which is now called “Breast Implant Illness”.

[@joann5157]

Is there a way to organize all of your videos so that I can watch them in chronological order? I've watched some out of sync and I'd like to start at the beginning.

[@estrogendiaries]

If you go to my page and click on the videos tab, then if you go down to the beginning, that is usually the best way to get them to play in sequence of when they were made. It shouldn't be so hard, but it is rather tricky. The other thing would be to choose the "playlist" tab, and watch by playlist, but some videos are in multiple playlists. Maybe I'll make a playlist based on year of release... would that be helpful? Playlists always play the full list of videos for you, so that's probably best.

[@therealsongstress]

Is it possible to get implants

[@estrogendiaries]

Oh yes, but I didn't want them. I know intuitively that my body would reject them. I already have autoimmune issues. Breast Implant Illness is real.

[@PinkWarriorCalendarGirl]

This was very informative. Would you be interested in interviewing with a friend of mine, for a breast cancer support group I founded and admin? I think you have a lot of information that other pink sisters would like to know in case they become a victim of flat denial.

[@estrogendiaries]

Absolutely! Let’s talk.

[@silva7493]

Yikes.