Couples Therapist Shares 8 Red Flags 🚩 in Your Relationship That You're Ignoring

[@onseonthebeat]

“i challenge you to avoid settling.” she got me with that one 🎯

[@mycontrolspodcast2772]

A breakdown… 1 - You start counting the good days 2 - A sense of walking on egg shells 3 - Other relationships in your life are suffering 4 - Sense of tit for tat 5 - Annoyance and jealousy of other couples 6 - Decrease in confidence 7 - Feeling uncertain about your future 8 - Not having clarity on whether or not you’re exclusive … def watch for explanations! ❤

[@Mayan144]

I love when people do this

[@sistahgirlangel]

Not all heros wear capes!

[@lexyg1693]

My relationship has multiple of these 😅 2,3,4,5,6,7 maybe I need some counseling 😂

[@annah995]

Had almost all of these (except 3 and 2) in my first relationship and now none with my husband. I am so glad I don't have to spend so much time with thinking over my relationship anymore. That was emotionally exhausting.

[@voyageswithshyeasha1398]

Thanks for the breakdown 😊

[@ollygaetheirnandez]

I watched just in case anything applied to my relationship but you have definitely confirmed that it's healthy 😁

[@StephAnya]

🤗

[@14renst]

Hahahahaha omg same 😂😅

[@Will_i_is]

Just you wait for part two.😅

[@estellelumpkin1049]

Same! 🎉

[@coachkrish]

Healthy because you are proactive and self aware! Wishing you more peace and love in 2023❤️🙌🏾

[@macidismuke4326]

“I challenge you to avoid settling.” MANIFESTING a therapist like you 🙏🏽

[@Deniicea]

Just broke up with my boyfriend and currently watching videos to confirm I'm not crazy for breaking up because my hurt heart disagrees with my decision.

[@karinagutierrez7134]

My heart aches reading this. Breaking up with someone you love is so hard. Even if your brain knows it’s for the best, your heart can take a lot longer to understand that. I hope things are clearer for you 💜

[@ashmitasingh6369]

Me too

[@celesteassi2721]

​@@ashmitasingh6369same here. Hope you are well now...

[@Musicsinger299]

An ex of mine liked to start fights because he liked my reaction. So stupid - glad I found my life partner of 10 years who communicates healthily

[@1234532785]

It’s been a year since I broke up with my ex and I’m so much happier. He was not affectionate or emotionally mature for the relationship I wanted. He always seemed annoyed/irritated when I would call him just to talk. When I ended things, he was genuinely surprised but I gave him several chances to get it right, but one day I woke up and chose ME. I’ve been in therapy healing my heart so I can one day receive the love I really want and desire. I’ll never settle for crumbs again.

[@Courtney-bc2mt]

I'm dealing with alot with my guy too. And that's another thing that drives me crazy about him. He's constantly annoyed if I call him when he's out. Or if I try to talk to him about my day or something exciting. I get a dry response but if he wants to complain he'll talk for 20 minutes straight! 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@1234532785]

You don’t deserve that. I promise you’ll feel better once you rid yourself of him. Let him be miserable by himself! Wishing all the best for you!✨✨🫶🏾

[@Courtney-bc2mt]

@Megan Smart Thank you! Much success, love and stress-free life too you! 💜

[@SA-nt9kl]

Im proud of you!

[@jamie6008]

I’ll never settle with crumbs again I love that.

[@terriz.2981]

I am recently single and watching this video just affirmed that my ex and I made the right decision to end things. One of the biggest red flags was that he didn’t feel comfortable with a title or label after 1 1/2 years. I just took it upon myself to refer to him as my boyfriend when talking to other people about him, because it felt easier than saying “the guy I’m dating”. But then I realized I didn’t feel comfortable referring to him as my boyfriend or partner when I was around him, for fear that it would cause an issue. We were exclusive but never had a title and it did not satisfy me. There are so many things we just have to live and learn from…. Thank you for this video! Would love to see one on relationship GREEN flags too.

[@chiomaagu8184]

Omg I relate to your comment. I have recognized that men are natural hunters and if they want something or someone; they will go after it! Needless to say there will be clarity on what it is and what it ain’t! It is a flag within ourselves if that space isn’t even encouraged to evaluate relationship as a whole!

[@Crynki09]

I was definitely in a situationship on and off for a few years and when I started to grow and be more confident in myself I was encouraged to cut it off cold turkey. About a year and a half later, I met my boyfriend and it was the best thing to ever happen to me and taught me what a stable, loving relationship was.

[@sarafe7274]

a huge red flag for me is, when someone rushes into a relationship so quickly, that you dont even have enough time to get to know each other properly. this often resulted (according to my experiences) in him breaking up as fast as he startet it.

[@kendrawilliams2275]

I'm tryna tell ya. I hate relationships like that or I should say people like that. It's almost like they're either love bombing you or desperate. Nine times out of 10. It's probably both. I love moving slow too. It just gives off that kind of vibe even if they didn't intend it to be. Agreed 100%. Those relationships end as fast as it started.

[@LuYKay]

After watching this I realized that I may get stressed or anxious whenever my partner hangs out with his friends. I didn’t realize the trouble I might be causing. I’m going to talk to him about it for sure. It’s never been my intention to have a negative effect on his relationships with other people. I want to work on this.

[@MichelleBanda77]

I’m not an expert but one thing for me is constant arguing. Like arguing almost every day. Little disagreements here and there are fine but constant heated arguments to me is not a good sign. 🚩

[@CaledonianCloud]

Really love this all being broken down! I went on a date once with a friend of a friend and during dinner I saw so many red flags, I knew even before our drinks arrived this wasn’t something I wanted. Telling me he preferred red heads (when we met I had red hair but I let it go back to blonde), that he didn’t think girls should wear make up, that by commenting ‘oh, that’s so sweet!’ when he said something about his sister I was ‘talking too much’ - I mentally checked out. He’s married now to a really lovely, meek,(red headed) girl and I fear for her self-image. I just hope they are healthy together and he and I were simply massively incompatible.

[@therabbithat]

Sounds like the guy that terrible film was made for. . What was it called.. Ruby something? About a guy who can completely control his gf (through magic and writing) and the implications and logical conclusion of that. The film has an important message but blatantly obvious for most people

[@LaloMacKenzie]

@@therabbithatRuby Sparks! Totally

[@dmt7674]

He’s obviously too consumed of himself he doesn’t realize the worlds I.e. YOU that he steps into.

[@literalmentelia]

i will never be tired to say how much i love herrrrr she is so good!

[@StephAnya]

Aw thank you! I appreciate that so much

[@yhineidy131]

Uncertain was definitely a red flag in my last relationship, which caused me to end the relationship. I wasn't sure where our relationship was heading. I wanted marriage, and he claimed he wanted the same thing, but we weren't working together to get to the point. Another red flag was him throwing my ex in my face. I shared with him about my past relationship.

[@trialanderror2920]

I notice how often this happens, do you think you shouldn’t share in the future?

[@SabrinaRene4565]

My boyfriend and I have a few of these. 8 years together this year and we finally started therapy together. It’s been even harder since therapy, which my therapist said might happen from bringing issues to the surface. I have hope we can work through them because we love each other and both are trying. But it’s still nice to read comments of people in similar situations

[@Self-helper415]

Great red flags to look out for. Especially waiting 10 years to get clarity of where you stand with someone. Yeah ain’t nobody got time for that.

[@yhineidy131]

I was in a relationship with my ex for 4 years. We talked about marriage, but I didn't see any growth in the relationship within those 4 years. I want a marriage and children, and I didn't see that in the near future, so I ended it.

[@aisha691]

10 years in a situationship is insanity

[@celesteassi2721]

​@@aisha691it's hurting so much

[@thecharmingwitch5]

I didn't go through couple stuff, but I used to have these signs with my ex bff, glad I left her

[@domanydavilmar9308]

Love, love, love this video, Stephanie. One red flag thing I see with my relational clients is the complaint that "I'm in individual therapy or I'm on medication and my partner refuses... while I'm doing work to improve my functioning, my partner isn't doing work on her/him/themself." This is problematic, and I address it this way: Tell me what you believe your partner would be able to do if they were in therapy or taking medication (because this is really what the client is asking to see from their partner). Then, we develop language so the client can ask their partner for what they want, rather than "prescribing" the treatment plan for their partner.

[@Chattianna]

I have had this very conversation for the last month regarding a situationship. I have been in these situations for the last 18 years and this is my last one. I will state my needs, be honest with wanting a relationship and let the chips fall where they may.

[@oprincesslivie02]

I’m not proud but I recognized two of those red flags in ME. I’m glad I watched though so I know what to work on 🥹 my poor boo lol

[@HowdyItLovll]

1, 2, and 7 really apply to my relationship, I hope we can work things out

[@TheRikkuShak]

When my BF and I got together we were both 21 and still extremely immature and childish. We ticked off many of these red flags (especially walking on egg shells and decline in other relationships). My BF's parents had a nasty divorce and it was very clear how it affected him and his relationships. He used to be very hot headed and controlling, I on the other hand was very insecure and extremly jealous. Seeing this now I can't believe how far we've come. We've both worked towards growing individually and growing as a couple. However I still sometimes find myself walking on egg shells anticipating that he will get angry about something, and when he stays calm I'm super suspicious (we've been together for 9 years, it's been ages since he calmed as a person). Welp my generalized anxiety definitely isn't helping this one, as I'm generally super sensitive towards even the slightest mood-changes of other people. Nontheless I'm very proud of us and happy we pushed through together.

[@luv99909]

Good job! Seriously

[@msatutude17]

You give mr hope lol this is definitely me and my ex. We had a baby while breaking up and now because we have to co parent, we actually see eachother in a different light, we've had to be patient and cooperative. We realize now we BOTH have issues we need to work on and want to make it work, the love is still there, just not the right time

[@Chilair1]

I’m so single I watched this to think about other peoples relationships 😂

[@Grace_Zandile97]

I would add "love bombers" as a red flag. Have you done a video on it ?

[@mrsbethaniesmith]

It's so weird. Love bombing is actually all I have experience with when it comes to officially dating someone so nowadays when I like someone enough to date them officially, it's the only way I know how to act! Seeing a 'healthy' guy is a big change for me and I end up looking like the love bomber! It's taken some time, but I'm slowly learning how to engage without love bombing.

[@Grace_Zandile97]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience and the after effects of being with a love bomber. Honestly I would have said the events happened occurred in a month but I'm being generous because it was 2 weeks. 1. I was showered with poems from the first call we had 2. Shared love songs 3. Purchased gifts 4. Planned our first trip outside the country 5. Received text like " I want to keep you. " 6. Other texts like " are you breathing? I haven't heard from you in 5 hours since we last spoke" 7. When I said I wanted to take it slow . The response was " I lose interest if we don't talk everyday for hours."

[@Grace_Zandile97]

@@mrsbethaniesmith sadly when you step back you realize the excess infatuation and admiration is not genuine at all.its not grown organically or in an authentic way by getting to know you.

[@mrsbethaniesmith]

@@Grace_Zandile97 that is true

[@yzma6142]

@@mrsbethaniesmith ME TOO

[@marisolmp3]

Most of them. Sadly I don't see a way out. Married with 4 kids and now I realize this relationship isn't healthy for either one

[@Schu0086]

I enjoyed this video because it confirmed to me that my relationship is relatively healthy, no red flags, and also verified that there were unhealthy elements in some of my past relationships. My husband and I have two kids under 5 which is a stressful environment and I feel sometimes our relationship is not a priority because there are these other, more demanding relationships that need to take priority so our children can grow up well and be supported in their needs. And sometimes that can make it feel like we aren’t connecting as much as we should be. This has improved a lot lately as our younger child moves out of babyhood and into preschool age and I have confidence that we can get back to the balance we once had. Our physical relationship has suffered under the immense exhaustion of raising little kids but I feel our emotional relationship is strong due to devoted effort from both of us to continue checking in and seeing to the other one’s emotional validation. I’m always a little bit insecure about relationships because I don’t feel like I had good models of healthy relationships growing up, so content like this helps me feel more secure and happy with the beautiful partner I have.

[@kingjonesiii6832]

I definitely had all of these signs in my past relationship. I’m glad we are no longer together

[@sin3358]

You are my favorite relationship therapist. I got in a relationship two months ago for the first time in my life, and I have quite some things I need to work on tbh, but my partner is a great person and we have had more joyous days than sad ones. I have not gotten in an argument with this man in a single month or more, since they rarely happen, compared to my past flings which I would bicker with every 30 min. I do not know how to deal with some issues tbh, but you saying they can be worked through is such a blessing to hear! I want nothing more than to heal myself and grow closer to my partner. Your advice is very helpful!

[@fabiennerivet4968]

Nice video! You should talk about relationship anxiety and ocd some time - it can influence a lot of those red flags!

[@francinesanchez5402]

Yes!!

[@victoriaaltamirano9367]

I’m curious why couples are constantly on and off? Can you do a video explaining that. And can you go more in depth as to why some people are in situationships, is it because they’re afraid of committing?

[@DasKabelzumJau]

Oh yes! That would be really interesing.

[@thatsnotmyname7659]

So happy I found your channel. I've been married for just over 2 years and love my husband more than anything. I would like to make sure that I prevent some level of deterioration before it's too late! Luckily this video affirms just how healthy our marriage is. But some of your other videos have shown me some unconscious patterns that I have that is broken would definitely benefit my marriage. I've been sharing your videos with my married friends as well ❤️

[@nihalsturm2008]

Me watching the video, feeling okay, because nothing applied to my relationship very much. Me when she talked about situationships: 😶 I literally addressed the topic yesterday. And it's been quite a hard time for me, because she is afraid of making it official. I know she loves me because she told me so often enough. She says herself that she has no idea what she is afraid of, but wants to work through it with me. Still doesn't feel great though, when someone you love somehow isn't able to say yes to a relationship fully. I hope for everyone watching this video that they never get into a situation like that!!! I will just give her all the emotional support I have to offer, but I am quite aware right now, that I really have to take care of my feelings as well...

[@aliseozolina4880]

King, walk away. Set some distance. Worst you can do is give you all to someone who is not sure what they want. A confident, self loving person will say: I respect you and your want to find what you are looking for but I will do that from the distance. Value yourself more than waiting around and showing them that they can walk all over you.

[@nihalsturm2008]

@@aliseozolina4880 thank you for your response...It is nice of you to care- I might need to give a little update though... She said yes to be in a relationship with me. I think that was probably a bit hard for her, seeing as we are both women and everyone though we were simply best friends so far. I hope I can give her the emotional support to feel safe in this relationship and not regret the choice. The only thing I am a bit worried about is her familys reaction.

[@okayDei.n]

When the guy is not emotionally ready

[@pharmclare]

True insights especially about not seeing the future with the partner. Thanks for sharing

[@alexag7686]

Red flag: your partner makes you feel bad for establishing boundaries

[@TheAmex91]

Love your videos could you make one on separating couples that have kids, and coparenting?

[@dianaosei4871]

I love watching your insights! Thank you for this video, Stephanie!

[@karinagutierrez7134]

Its interesting how there are layers to red flags. Like I broke up with my long distance, year long partner once I realized he had a habit of trying to trample my boundaries and was afraid that it could lead to abuse. But before then, there were compatibility red flags. (I’m clean but messy while he has clinical OCD. Very different political leanings. I’m more go-with the flow with travel plans while he needs to know what he’s doing at every step of the way, down to where he’s going to stop for gas despite driving a normal fuel vehicle.) But before that, there can be individual red flags. Is this person able to have difficult conversations? Do you have different life trajectories? Are they able to take care of themselves/of the household? Are they able to live within their means? Are they impatient or rude to those in service work (eg. Waiters, retail workers, etc.?) I was willing to overlook the possible compatibility red flags until we lived in the same area, that way we could see if these were things we could work through.

[@pyt3204]

Great insights and information. Thank you for sharing.

[@nadiakhaghani3132]

You're a life saver

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

Gosh, I wish I had had your videos/advice back when I was young. I wasted so much time so lost and in bad relationships, but I legit never knew anything healthy was attainable irl and didn’t know anyone that had anything like it either so I thought it was like impossible/only in movies type fantasies not real life cuz that’s what my mom would always say “that’s only in movies, grow up”. I’ve read a lot of books and am learning but it’s slow progress and I worry. Anyway, glad I’m seeing these now at least, it’s helpful with the much needed (and appreciated!) examples.❤

[@thandimwanza]

Love this video! Can you please do a video on anxiety and what leads to anxiety disorders?

[@chiomaagu8184]

Wow I wished I’d seen this earlier! Thank you for sharing

[@smartmarketing173]

When is the right time to walk away, because there’s a period of time you need to devote to decide whether you do see a future

[@lolathetomboy]

Damn I should have watched this video way sooner. I just broke up from an 8 months situationship, and thinking back, alot of these red flags were present, particularly the one about not seeing a future and not knowing your title. One of my biggest regrets still was not asking for a title earlier. Knowing my ex, it would have prompted a conversation about our status, possibly ending the relationship then, but in a much more amicable way (Especially for me. Ya boi has been crying and listening to an unhealthy amount of Olivia Rodrigo songs).

[@deconstruct.with.raejene]

I’m always analyzing the health of my relationship and this rly soothed my mind. Thank you ❤

[@Emmah1243]

Thank you for this Steph! I asked the guy I was seeing recently if we were exclusive after 5 months of dating. He wasn't ready for that even though he wasn't seeing other people. It was upsetting but I needed to hear it! I called it off then, it's a relationship I want. ETA: he has a lot of ongoing personal issues and the relationship has had problems so far we have tried to work through but haven't really succeeded

[@Queen_EL11]

I hate putting timeframes on love, but why are you in a rush to be exclusive after 5 months of dating?

[@Emmah1243]

@EL I didn't need the title of a relationship yet. I did want to see though if he could see any potential future to us dating. I don't think 5 months is too much of a rush to be exclusive

[@llel1416]

It's not that long but it's better to ask to prevent wasting your time with someone that doesn't want the same thing that you do.

[@Emmah1243]

@@llel1416 thank you! I agree! I hadn't been dating other people, and now I have clarity

[@karinagutierrez7134]

The people who are saying “5 months is a rush” really confuse me. Granted, I’m very upfront and say I date with the hope to one day get married and will have big picture life discussions early on, that way, neither of us wastes each other’s time. But I’ve never dated someone exclusively for longer than 2 months without it becoming official.

[@volciousshelton1658]

Taking notes for future relationship😅

[@sophiestars5387]

It would be so interesting to see you do a breakdown/ give ur thoughts of Ginny and Georgias relationship dynamic from the new season as well as give your opinion on the therapy scenes from the newest season! I feel like everyone is talking about the new season and everyone has so many options on it but I’d love to hear from a professional Thanks! Love your content

[@darlingk9024]

Can you do one on friendships too? A lot of these overlap forsure though

[@allison9008]

We #2 touch home. 4 imbalance. 5 wish my partner will do things with me fancy dinner. How can married couples come up with future goals?

[@snowflakesinthesun1116]

Thank you for this. I already knew there were some red flags in my relationship, but this video made me feel a bit better about it since only 3/4 things apply lol. Definitely gonna watch some of your other videos! (:

[@witchymary5246]

I love my partner and my relationship and we have a very healthy way of communicating but I still watch these Videos bc I have some baggage from a previous relationship that I'd like to work through

[@tashacano3324]

When you feel like you have a grown son instead of a partner? Initially that sounds like the blame is being put on the other party but I mean when asking for more help the 1000th time just feels like too much work. On the other relationships part my ex focused so much on his other relationships that he wouldn't come spend any time wih me. For over a year. He swore up & down it was because he missed being a social butterfly like he was before we moved to a new neighborhood. But wven when I told him about how it made me feel he told me to deal with it or just come hang out with him & his friends if I missed him that much. He would do that a lot. Tell me to just deal with "my problems" his behavior caused. Like when I told him yelling at me caused me physical pain. He said I get loud & yell when I'm mad. It's better than hitting you. When I said it feels like you did he called me a liar. To this day he doesn't remember the conversation & still calls me a liar about it. There were so many red flags. I can't even count them. The layers of pain & hate I have for him are miles deep but since he's the father of my oldest & actually trying to be a decent Dad I still have to spend a lot of time with him. He genuinely has a brain injury from a high fever as a teenager so his memory is hella messed up but when he remembers every little time I hurt his feelings but not when he was in the wrong it started to feel really made up. He used ro brag about how he could manipulate anyone since he was little to me & his old set of friends but now that he's got new ones he says he learned that behavior from me. I really need some damn therapy to work the trauma out because we ended our relationship almost 8 years ago. But we still have to spend time around each other & sometimes he's fine. Then when he gets a new gf I suddenly become the evil ex again. He sucks up big time when he's not seeing anyone. Plays super nice & acts like we're best buddies. More than anything I never want to see his face again but that would hurt my daughter so much. Although this hurts her too. When he being nice she still thinks we might get back together. It's real hard to let go of the past when you see it every other weekend & it talks to much😅

[@Chevonne8]

Me and my man got some more work to do

[@dohahausadagencyhafez]

please do love is blind brazil review its mind blowing

[@SS-in1ts]

What if he’s pulled back but says he’s still committed but I see he’s not really available and says things like “no matter what our status is, I’ll always have your back”. I’m a single mom and I wonder if he bit off more than he can chew. He says I can always ask him for anything, he will help me buy groceries etc (I decline but appreciate the offer). We both wanted marriage, things were very committed and then because he bottles things up, he did a slow fade away, hot and cold, and after 6 months just now slowly acting balanced again. But no title and no goals. I’m left confused and anxious because this isn’t what I’m looking for but I don’t want to be impatient either and pressure him to the point of overwhelm. Taking on an entire household with pets for a single bachelor does seem like a big life change. I’m not really sure what to do at this point, he’s my only support. A single dad is showing interest in me and pursing me but I’m not able to engage because it feels like cheating.

[@Lydia-vv1kv]

You should start talking to the other man showing interest. Most likely he is seeing other women while he pulls away and not ending it completely with you because he wants to come back when its convenient for him. It isn't cheating you have no title. And definitely would not pressure him for anything at this point because he isn't showing you he wants you or initiating. Just focus on you and do what serves you.

[@DSN430]

A man who hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend has made it clear being loyal to you is not his priority. Don't ignore a potential real partner for someone who is playing games. Men know the importance of claiming someone, and if they are choosing not to, they are *choosing not to*. Don't claim someone who won't claim you.

[@SS-in1ts]

Thank you both for commenting. He says he’s committed to me. That’s what makes it so hard for me. Maybe he’s letting me decide if this new almost relationship is enough and to leave if I don’t like it…? We used to be open and talk and now it’s very difficult to have an intimate relationship. I think he might just be seeing if we can iron things out and not have a rollercoaster relationship and a relationship without having long discussions( he bottles things up) and gets headaches when we have difficult conversations. He’s 40…. and we work together. I knew better and I shouldn’t have even given in to him. He was really upset when he found out that I opened a dating profile however I hadn’t used it so he kept talking to me. He said he won’t be able to trust me if I see other men. He said that he does want me, he just feels unsure (he’s dismissive avoidant) so I think he held a lot of resent and anger without talking to me and is letting it die out. I see progress and that’s what make it difficult to just say bye also. I feel confused and controlled but I also wonder if I need to be more patient. From the feedback I’m getting on here, sounds like I’m just setting myself up for failure and deeper heartache.

[@zaraakkuly1861]

@@SS-in1ts hey girl, I've been through 7 years of abusive/neglectful situationships and after 2 years of therapy I am now finally in an amazing relationship with a man who does appreciate me and who has made it uber clear from day 1 where I stand: he is head over heels in love with me just as I am in love with him. And after all my experience here is what I learned: The main measuring tool you need to assess the relationship is yourself and how you feel on a daily basis with him. There is no need to overanalyze every word he says or every action he takes. How does he make you feel more often than not? If it's confused and hurt, which from your post it sounds exactly what that is...that's not a man that cares for you and your wellbeing. That's a man who wants to give you just enough to keep you around because you give him some kind of benefit: whether it be sex, attention, cuddling, or validation. Someone that loves you will NOT make you feel this way. You need to learn to value yourself and DROP this douchebag like a bad habit. Sign up for therapy if you have the resources and date the single dad if you wish. But do not analyze this guy's intentions anymore. The rule is simple: if he loves you, you will know. If he doesn't, you'll be confused. The only person you need to be patient with is yourself. Do not believe any of his words, no matter how pretty they are, watch what he does and how he makes you feel. That's all that matters. Everything else is just pointless noise that is skewing your data. It hurts to read everything you wrote because I understand you so much. Reading your thought processes just took me right back to how I used to be. I know I am just an internet stranger, but I hope you do realize one day that you deserve better and move on from this guy who is wasting your time.

[@thewise2443]

Whenever you feel confused, run !

[@zacharyhardin426]

Haven’t watched this yet, but I’d love to get your opinion about having friends of the opposite sex while in a relationship. My ex and I had lots of conversations around this topic.

[@r.l.7319]

It might be different in your culture, but in my circles I would just apply the "are previous friendships suffering" rule. If you had a great platonic relationship with someone from the opposite gender before the relationship I think it is healthy and right to maintain it. After all, if your partner is jealous only because a friend is of the opposite gender, I think both of you need to work on trust and not on cutting friends out of your life. But maybe it's handled differently in other places and cultures?

[@dovehaven4840]

I broke it off with a guy I dated for a month because of this. When I say he has too many friends of the opposite sex.. I mean too many. He also saw nothing wrong with him following and hanging around women he had intimate relationships with previously. Regardless if he was still playing the field/keeping them around just incase or I'm just very insecure I went with my gut and ended it.

[@TheRikkuShak]

I find this topic really difficult as well. I'm somehow glad that my BF never really had close friends of the opposite gender. Neither do I (my best friend is male but he is gay). While I 100% agree that trust is the key here I still firmly believe in "An open door may tempt a saint". Especially in situations when you maybe go through a hard time in a relationship/life in general and you confide in a close friend. This could create a sense of safeness that is may be quite attractive? Not saying that platonic friendships don't exist, they definitely do. But I'm just saying that there is a possibility that something can happen, even if its just a short situation/momentum.

[@lizmarie6989]

This would be a great video… I struggle with this too. Men don’t seem to understand when they do or say things to the opposite sex that are clearly inappropriate when in a relationship.

[@katrinamarchetti6983]

I didn’t like it in my 20s, my probably over relationship started in my 30s and I wasn’t worried at first, we seemed to have a great thing going. But then I was cheated on. Idk how many times. Liars and cheaters won’t ever change and I’m trying to accept that. Most people aren’t like this so I think some conversations would be enough.

[@samijodavis9204]

One red flag I found was when I was starting to go out with this one guy, it had seemed to be heading into relationship territory, but he strung me along for month to get me in bed and ghost me. I would tell him stories about my family and/or childhood, but when I would ask for stories or tidbits of him and hus life back his response was always in the realm of 'oh, I'm not that interesting ' after he ghosted me i looked back on it and realized he didn't want or care to share part of himself because he just wanted sex, but also wasn't just going to tell me that.

[@EarthtoLela]

Ok Anya with the tea! Great information! Give thanks

[@kikobangz]

Damn, I’m experiencing all but number 5. 😢

[@77semperfidelis]

Love this

[@Elleocasia]

Trying to get marriage counseling now but I dont know how to handle that the individual i'm with has dropped their friends/hobbies. I tried to support them to pick those things back up and started relationships with their friends as couples and try to support them spending alone time WITH them again, but they chose not to, and their life revolves around me when that has never been something I've tried to do! I'm the bad guy to everyone because it appears that I'm cutting them off or controlling when they DO see those people because they dont see them unless I are THERE. I feel like my partner walks on eggshells around me but this baffles me! Any insight to what I could go to them about to start this conversation (our talking about it doesn't get anywhere) or what I could tell a professional that might get the ball rolling?

[@this_mundane_life]

No red flags in my romantic relationship but found some in my relationship with my parents😶 walking in eggshell one is very common with my mum whenever she is having a bad day. What to do?

[@cocojumbo2323]

I‘d say it depends on the quality of the relationship with your mum and her receptiveness. In my case only radical acceptance and taking care of my personal boundries helps. In your case this might (hopefully) not be the case. Do you feel that it’s possible to open up about your feelings to her and find out underlying issues you can talk through and resolve together?

[@this_mundane_life]

@@cocojumbo2323 Thanks for the advice! I used to have a weird relationship with my mum. We don't have similar interests so instead of me she gets along with my sister pretty well. We have recently talked about my mental health issues and after that our relationship has improved. But yeah whenever she is angry or anxious she snaps at everyone and in that moment I feel like I am walking on eggshells. And no she doesn't like discussing all of this stuff. She gets very defensive

[@cocojumbo2323]

@@this_mundane_life Hey again, sorry for my late reply. This sounds exhausting… Sorry you have to go through this! For me working on my emotional independence has helped- sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I don‘t get as triggered as before, as I now feel that those harsh and invalidating words by my parent are more about him (and his problems) than about me (and my problems). In a way I expect less of him, which is a bit sad, but also liberating. As English is my second language, I hope this makes some sense :-) All the best to you!

[@this_mundane_life]

@@cocojumbo2323 Thanks for writing back. i think you are right. I have been investing in myself and trying to grow emotionally. It has helped me to stop seeking outside validation but sometimes I slip up. Do you have any suggestions about how to be emotionally independent? Also, your English is excellent :)

[@cocojumbo2323]

@@this_mundane_life Thank you :-) Well… being emotionally independent really seems to be a path rather than a final destination. On the one hand I try to allow myself to feel hurt (some might call that reaching out for the inner child) and validate my feelings. Then I remind myself that today, in 2023, as an adult, I can define the values, goals and morals I want to live by. Evolving from the status of my inner „once upon a time“ towards „what I am choosing to be today“. So it is my decision to be different from my parents communication style, expectations and interests. I allow myself to be me- and let them be the way they are. Giving myself an imaginary hug for finding out what I really want and need today. For being patient with myself, as I deserve patience. I choose to be assertive in a non aggressive way- no more fighting back, no more freezing or showing compliant surrender. That is what I try do do. Thank you for asking :-)

[@laurafreeman3335]

I have seen some red flags in a relationship that I had a long time ago I was with the gentleman for 4 and 1/2 years and we had an off and on relationship where you know would break up and then we get back together which is not normally abnormal but I did find some things with him that I found questionable but it was like the first real boyfriend that I had had so and I and I wasn't young but I I was younger than I am now wasn't a teenager but I got and I noticed that lying was an issue and sometimes a lack of communication and just different things like that and things that I started to question a lot

[@NurseRatched-k7c]

Awesomeness!

[@yzma6142]

I may be a red flag…

[@zme2712]

Ditto

[@vanessagarza2283]

New video yay!

[@noelleirina5628]

How does number 8 get pushback?!

[@dagliocchibui]

We had 2+5+6+7+8. Guess I made the right decision😅

[@aisling664]

My partner is wonderful to me. However, my confidence is very low. My dad cheated on my mum (found out recently) & it's made me insecure in myself and my own relationship☹ I'm in therapy, but would hate to tell him I don't trust him.

[@etnova1646]

Is it really that you don't trust him or that you're afraid of being cheated on? I think thats important to decide.

[@daniellebaxter4504]

Great video thanks! Can you make a video on understanding crushes if they are healthy / pros and cons or guidance for confessing feels to crush on friends? I feel like there isnt a lot of content out there on this I'm constantly debating will confessing my feels make me feel better or worse.

[@therabbithat]

Don't infer something about a relationship based on the fact your partner uses social media differently. A lot of people barely use it or use it to talk about their interests and not their life, that has no bearing on the relationship. If it did you couldn't date people who don't use social media at all. Which is actually most people (in all demographics). . I didn't get that one at all.

[@G.likeGinger]

#7 is absolutely brutal. B R U T A L!

[@jivrouss]

So helpful!❤

[@joshuabuchanan1141]

I use to be friends with a girl (she has another female friend that i was friends with) and this girl was so belittling, manipulate, very bossy and controlling, and they love to talk shit about other people and they love to spread false rumors that aren't even true and anytime they did, they're excuse was always "oh were not being mean, were just being honest" and they just love to spread false drama and i always delt like i was walking on eggshells with her (as well as with her other female friend) there was many times where whenever we were hanging out and walking somewhere she'd be such a karen, if i was balancing on the edge of a sidewalk she'd say shit like "dont do that, that's childish" or if we were walking to chick fil a and i told her that i wanted to get panda express for lunch but that she can still get chick fil a, she would say shit like "why did you choose another restaurant, we already talked about this, i told you i buy chick fil a for both of us, i wanted panda express for lunch because i wasnt really in the mood for chick fil a and chick fil a for 2 people is pretty expensive, remind you this is all in public, i felt like i couldnt balance on the edge of a sidewalk or choose another restaurant because i felt like i was already walking on eggshells with her after that karen incident, this isn't the first time shes been such a karen, there was 1 time where her and our transition school class were inside kohl's at mall in redondo Beach, and as i was talking to another student, she started saying shit like "say something" then when i said im not doing anything wrong to you then she says to me "yes you are" then when we were waiting for her inside kohls with us, i told her that, then she starts saying shit to me such as "dont give me attitude" i never once in that moment gave her attitude at all, that was her, as i told her that, she said to me in the most condescending karen tone of voice "dont talk to me" after that my class and i met at the food court, i sat and ate lunch with other students, i did not sit with her because why the fuck would i, then a week after she was wondering why i didnt sit with her at the food court, and then a few days later before i graduated from the transition school, my class and i were at a flea market, and she start saying shit to me again such as "oh i dont expect you to be friends with me but i "expect" you to "respect" me, i said ok only because there were teacher aids there and i felt like if i called her out, that girl wouldve told the teacher aids and she wouldve gotten me in trouble, i swear if they're were no tracher aids or teachers there, i wouldve called her out immediately in public, which ive done a few times before, but after she had the actual fucking nerve to say that to me at the flea market, and i texted her and i ended the friendship with her for good from there, i've befriended her a few times before (same with her other female friend) but that was my last final fucking straw with her, and same with her other female friend because she was just as bossy, controlling, belittling and manipulative as she was and also her other female friend from what i've seen she has a lot of anger issues, not only am i done being mr nice guy to those 2 and not only those are 2 major red flags, but thats why im no longer friends with those 2 for good

[@allison9008]

Address it or move on ouch

[@rossellaemanuele2271]

What about if my partner has an eating disorder?

[@francinesanchez5402]

Oooh. I liked this. So curious. So I’m in a situationship that I’d prefer to be a relationship. I would love to hear a little more on why settling is a bad thing. I know that sounds silly, as it is typically considered that we always want the best. But I’m a single mom and I’m not in a good place to start a new relationship right now (and likely for awhile). My ex husband is also very toxic and has harassed past people. I would love to be in a committed and healthy relationship, but since I am not in a good place for dating, it’s almost impossible right now. I know a LOT of single moms who choose to stay single to avoid the kids also being brought into the ups and downs of dating. And I think I would likely be in that category. Situationship Guy knows my kids and they know him as a family friend/my boyfriend (3 years now). He occasionally brings me flowers or takes me on dates or snuggles and we connect on all levels. Would I want a relationship? Yes. But if it’s not possible right now, I am curious why settling is looked at as such a bad thing. I know situationship guy could be filling the spot someone else could. I guess I just know so many women who stay single for… a very very long time (or the rest of their lives), so I see it as a plus (even if it’s totally settling). I usually don’t hear people talk about this perspective and I’m sure interested. Thank you for your information!!

[@llel1416]

Settling is not bad per say, I just feel like it prevents people from looking for something different/better. Why give your time/resource/energy to stay in a place where you're not happy and thriving when you can use them to be in a better one ? As you said this guy might be filling the spot for someone else who would love to be commited to you. You said you're not in a good place for dating, which is understadable given your ex husband (I'm sorry you went through that, you didn't deserve that, you deserve so much better), I'd say why not work on that instead ? A therapy could help you heal from your past experiences and give you the tools to not only not being scared of being alone but also refusing to settle. Because you deserve better, you deserve to have what you want in a relationship and in life. You say you see many women being single for a very long time so you see situationship as a better situation, but are you sure they are unhappy like this ? Many of us are single because we refuse to settle and are not scared of being alone because single doesn't mean lonely, many of us have a community of family and friends and hobbies in life so don't depend on a relationship to thrive in life. I hope this helped and wish you the best.

[@karinagutierrez7134]

“It’s better to be alone than poorly accompanied” (roughly translated) is a phrase I grew up hearing and it basically means “don’t settle for someone just because they’re there. You are better off in your solitude.” Inherently, if you’re settling for someone, they’re not truly fulfilling your needs or desires. So why would you dedicate your time and effort on someone like that? Now it’s different if you feel like you’re settling just because your relationship doesn’t meet societal expectations. If you’re happy and it fulfills your needs and wants, go for it! But if there’s something deeper, figure out what you’re missing and if there’s any way this person can provide it for it

[@sillycookie1982]

Is it healthy enough for 2 people who are both rather non social to be together. When its just 1 person who only has all the friends i understands the issue but if younare both thst way and happy with that is that okay? Or is it just another type of codependence?

[@ShannonBellOwens]

My relationship with my child is red flagged due to #3

[@1nicolethebest]

Yeah so are you accepting clients?

[@Noname-wn1gq]

What if you have more than 3 of these in your relationship? 😵‍💫 They want to go to couple's therapy to fix those, I agree because I want to make it work, and at the same time feeling like, aren't there a limit to how many red flags are tolerable in a relationship?

[@Courtney-bc2mt]

Hi Steph I am needing some advice on my relationship. Can you speak on dealing with a partner that's bipolar and depressed? Especially one that doesn't want to receive help. We're constantly arguing because he takes anything I say personally. He doesn't let anything go every argument he brings up 5 different past arguments. We can never stay on topic to fix the current issue. If I speak to him at the wrong time I'll get a rude response. He barely wants to do anything fun. We don't watch TV together or play games he's constantly on his phone. I feel like I am alone even when we go out he's quiet or standing behind me thinking about something. When we do get out he wants to go back home after an hour. The connection isn't there! He works and watches youtube videos all day long. And when he's not doing that he's smoking and complaining. He says that I don't respect him enough to lead the relationship. This is another topic if you can touch on this too. We live together and we split the bills, I do all the grocery shopping, cooking and most of the cleaning. If something is broken around the house I have to beg him to fix it. He's very lazy, there were a few instances where I had to call my guy friend to help me. Because my guy wouldn't. And he explains he didn't because I was rude to him. I am very exhausted of this drama. But I am trying to give him a chance to work on his mental health. He claims he made an appointment for next week to talk to someone. But only because I begged him too.. so who's to tell how seriously he's going to take it. He's very vulnerable with me so I know what all he's dealing with. But I can't find one great thing about the relationship anymore. If counseling doesn't work. How do you break up with a severely depressed person? I've ended it a few times but he doesn't want to let this go. But doesn't work hard enough to keep me. I know he honestly has these issues because I've seen him interact with other people. He's even lost jobs because of it. I can go on and on but I'll stop there. Please help 🙏🏼.

[@H3llfir333]

If you've talked to him about ending things several time, it's time you show it by your action. You're not his caretaker... You're supposed to be his significant other. He's a grown man. If he want to improve, it's his responsibility to, not yours. If he doesn't want to do anything about it, then you can't really help unless you physically drag him to a therapist. This relationship shouldn't be revolved around him and you shouldn't be begging him to do things. He come off more like using you for his benefit because you're taking care of him like a child. At least that's how I interpret it from what you said. I'd rather you leave for good and find someone who respect you, you deserve better.

[@Courtney-bc2mt]

@Hellfireさん I appreciate this comment so much! And you're completely right! Today he is actually moving out and it's a great day! Lol

[@christynguyen2157]

11 YEAR SITUATIONSHIP?? oh my lord

[@aprilmae137]

This is really great advice. I appreciate your video. I definitely experience the walking on egg shells with my partner and the tit for tat... we were literally just talking about this today.

[@ballettobrenton7045]

I'm living happily with my husband again after 10months of being separated, my major purpose today is to recommend this Great Spell caster well known & recognized all over the world. He's also specialize in money spells, lottery spells with the person you love, Everything turns into an argument as opposed to a discussion to improve and deepen the relationship. But all thanks to Dr Wiseone love spell that helped me through in reunion and making our relationship stronger

[@MikeTaylor-kj9uu]

What's a red flag what's that mean

[@afelix2122]

My new friend lobe to hug ladies that comes up when we are out and calls them baby on a dare that I invite him out. These are lady from the senior adult center that I referred hom to go, they don't hug me just ignire

[@syerawashi202]

Ily

[@StephAnya]

Ily2

[@positivel5530]

Years?!? Did she say 10 years? Okay my 6 months felt so bad, dear god man put wrong on it

[@jessek-9scentdetectiontrai10]

Beautiful Smile ma'am ❤ 😍

[@PinkOwl31]

I know it's about the information and not really how you look, but that lighting is REALLY washing you out. Might need a little tweaking. Thanks for the video!

[@NDObeats]

Sorry about that! Yeah I noticed once it upload it looked more washed out on other monitors than the computer we were working on. 😅

[@raenaj4749]

For the love of God, please change the intro music

[@daughteroftheking01]

❤

[@grayisgood]

I love the pink eye shadow, but the dark around the lips is not attractive. Good info, thanks for the video.

[@marissakeepstheheat2]

Only have one within my relationship now. Gotta figure out the tit for tat one 😅