Couples Therapist: 5 Steps to Repair Conflict in Your Relationships | Eight Dates

[@kaylan5274]

My partner and I have been binge watching your content and applying it into our relationship. Thank you Dr Steph 🌸

[@StephAnya]

So glad you two are enjoying the videos! Not a doctor yet haha, but thank you!

[@kaylan5274]

@@StephAnya lol manifesting it for you !!! 😂❤

[@DonzellLampkins]

@@StephAnya great video. Question: I’m a fellow psychotherapist (LCSW). Are you interested in pursuing the practice or research doctorate?

[@Lifewithpanga]

I wish 😔

[@derekenlow7607]

How are things now?

[@furiousstyles08]

"Never try to win the argument. Win the heart. Then there is no argument to win". -Some dude.

[@laurafreeman3335]

I don't have a partner but I do enjoy the content that you give give out and I think this is good for all relationships not just people who have a partner

[@StephAnya]

Thanks so much for watching ♥️

[@raptrapcafe]

If you need one im available

[@WiddleMousie]

I would love if you could do a video on “genuine responses” as opposed to “pacifying responses”. And how to respond in those situations

[@Aniket-t9f]

You know, when our partner is venting or expressing something heavy, and our first instinct is to just… pacify, right? We end up saying something like, “It’s okay,” or “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” But does that really help? I mean, think about it. When you’re in the middle of feeling something intense, and someone tells you, Relax, it’s not a big deal, how do you feel? It’s like, Wait, but it is a big deal-to me! And that’s the point: we sometimes miss out on validating each other’s feelings because we’re so focused on fixing the situation, or making it seem smaller. The thing is, giving a genuine response isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about listening. Instead of brushing things aside, a genuine response could be something like, “Hey, I hear you. That sounds really tough, or I can see why that made you upset. And yeah, it might feel uncomfortable at first because you’re letting the other person sit in their emotions, but that’s what makes them feel truly seen and heard. Like, imagine this: Your partner comes to you and says, I’m really stressed about work. I feel like I’m not doing enough. Now, a pacifying response would be, Oh, don’t stress about it, you’re doing great! Sure, it’s well-meaning, but it kind of glosses over what they’re actually feeling, right? Instead, a genuine response could be, That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk more about it? Or even just a simple, I’m here for you, no matter what. You’re acknowledging their experience instead of dismissing it. And it’s not just about heavy conversations. Even with smaller things, being genuine can go a long way. Let’s say your partner’s telling you about a bad day, and they say something like, I felt so ignored in that meeting. Instead of saying, Oh, it’s just one meeting, try something like, That must’ve been frustrating. It’s these little shifts in how we respond that make the other person feel like you’re really there with them, not just trying to make the conversation end on a positive note. So, next time your partner shares something, resist the urge to just smooth things over. Instead, lean in, really listen, and acknowledge what they’re feeling. It’s not about solving their problems-it’s about showing up for them and letting them know it’s okay to feel what they feel. Being genuine in your responses isn’t about having perfect words. It’s about giving your partner the space to be real with you. And when you both can do that, that’s when the connection deepens. Try it. It will certainly help! Peace

[@RMaines]

Thank you for being so generous with sharing your knowledge and experience.

[@StephAnya]

Glad it was helpful!

[@chelaxnart]

I wish my ex and I found your content before we started having issues. I felt like we were slowly getting here with couple’s therapy but we were both very much not aware of our defense mechanisms that destroyed everything we were working on. I need to heal and see how I feel about the lost relationship. Maybe one day I’ll want to reach out and we can try something completely new. Of course if she is willing and has worked on herself too. But for now. I have to keep building upon myself to be a better partner for myself and whoever else will want to give it a go. I feel so much more confident in myself and can depend on myself better than I have in the past. I feel ready for the future and am excited for the process. Can’t hold onto hope, but I can see how much we’ve grown with each other. And it’s not about comparing each other’s growth. It’s the willingness to put in the work and admire your partner for the work they are putting in.

[@balbineguylaine]

Hi Steph 😊 needless to say that I love your content. It’s so so helpful! A question I have: have you ever considered doing a video (or a series) on long distance relationships? :)

[@tadiwanashemugari4349]

I second this

[@teayacassie4830]

Yesss!! I hope she responds

[@Scotstralian]

At the risk of coming across as negative, from what ive seen, they don't work. (And I don't just mean me) Although i have been there too. I really wish you all the best however I have yet to see it work long term.

[@noemi0330]

Thank so much. I tend to shut down and just get very emotional

[@aaliyahahmed9112]

I normally shut down and am afraid to Express myslef coz I've been mocked lots of time all my life actually by those around me

[@Tameshasworld]

Very relatable to me too😢

[@korneliastubieda120]

real me too

[@EuniceQuintanilla-d7s]

I love your videos, they've really helped me be more introspective with myself. I'm wondering if you have content about long distance relationships- the struggles, how best to keep them healthy, etc? Thank you Dr Steph!

[@emmasmith6180]

You have the most gracious, eloquent presentation I have ever seen!

[@StephAnya]

You’re so kind! Thank you 🫶🏽

[@SS-in1ts]

This is very helpful for all relationships, relating in general. Thank you!! I’m saving it and keeping it handy. I have done a couple of these things and didn’t realize how much I contributed and made things worse.

[@lynetterobinson2939]

Thank God for your ministry

[@ES-gw7zh]

I hope the videos I've watched so far and the notes I've taken help mend the lack of communication in my relationship.

[@johnrainsman6650]

I'm currently mad at my girlfriend. See, we've had arguments so many times, and so far, it's always been my fault. I was always the one who was wrong and had to apologize. The one who had to redeem themself. And I have no problem with owning my mistakes. It's just, I'm tired of being _that guy._ Yesterday, I told my girlfriend that I was jealous of her. Jealous that she was always right and I was always wrong. That it brought me so much pain and self-doubt. And she said, "It's not always about right and wrong." That actually angered me. Can anyone guess why? I don't want to have to explain it. I want someone to understand how I'm feeling without clarification. So again, I told her how I was jealous of her for always being right...how I was in pain by constantly being "the bad guy" while she was "the good guy" in our conflicts...and she said it isn't always about right and wrong. Why do you think that response bothers me?

[@christopherwilliams2482]

Has she ever apologized to you? It could be that you always own up to your mistakes, but she never does herself, so when she saids things like that, its like a "practice what you preach" feeling, a feeling of hypocrispy and lack of ownership on her end. But thats just a therapy. I dont want to weave any negative energy into your relationship, try to approach your situation the way the video wants you to do. If shes something, say how it makes you feel.

[@NDObeats]

I’m really enjoying this book so far! Thanks for the recommendation and video. Love reading with you.

[@StephAnya]

🤗♥️

[@stevensantora2976]

Great video Steph! I have bought the book. Thank you for all the work that you do.

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@91splamy]

I have a hard time talking about issues because regardless of whether we give it time to cool it down or not, I get angry or upset pretty easily and then he doesn’t want to continue. I do t know how to stop doing that. It feels like he just wants to let things settle and move on without talking about it. I need to talk through it to get over it, otherwise it feels unresolved.

[@stacmont2]

I can relate to this

[@Scotstralian]

Ditto

[@Miss.Bri_]

I enjoyed this video, definitely retained some great tips to apply to my currently relationship.

[@jbn9029]

She is so intentional. ❤️

[@myislandconfessions]

Amazingly helpful video for me in my relationship.

[@StephAnya]

I’m so glad!

[@nataliam5744]

I really appreciate your content. Makes me reflect on myself like nothing else before. Thank you!

[@Don_Willy]

Thank you

[@StephAnya]

Thank you for watching & commenting :)

[@wolfcrowned7138]

Thank you Steph Anya!

[@angieBhanson]

Hi Anya! Another great video from you!

[@Neo-wy2oc]

Could you make a video on handling conflict and keeping the spark for long distance relationships?

[@missjeffersonifyanasty9571]

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️👏🏾❤️❤️❤️ excited for this live!!!

[@StephAnya]

Yay! Me too!!

[@KalloMoney]

Kind and gentle spirit

[@aaliyahahmed9112]

You hair looks so good lots of love I love your composure too 💋

[@StephAnya]

Aw thank you!! ♥️

[@divinelyguided1144]

Awesome video thank you 🙏🏾

[@fayem1336]

Great message!

[@cal.w5269]

That was great advice. I’m grateful to you

[@gracea7471]

I enjoyed this-- I think though that these tips are good when you're interacting with someone reasonably emotionally healthy. If your partner is a narcissist or has really limited empathy, these techniques probably won't work. If the narcissist can't take any ownership or accountability for their own role in the conflict (they can't, lol), then one person going above and beyond won't help and might serve as further ammo for them being gaslit/invalidated, etc.

[@sin3358]

I needed this so much. I really appreciate the videos you put because even thought I had a vague idea how to handle conflict, your videos help me make it easier for me to be able to express my emotions better. Sure, I use the "I" statement but I'm still unsure how to say it efficiently enough so it doesn't sound like I'm attacking my partner. I love the knowledge you share. Thank you do much!

[@RunninChic620]

Just joined your group!! So excited!!

[@StephAnya]

Yayyy! Happy to have you!

[@exavierbland3450]

Thank you thank you.❤❤❤💯🔥💯🔥💯

[@StephAnya]

@@exavierbland3450 thank you for watching!

[@persciviawatuka1587]

thanks for this ❤

[@aaliyahahmed9112]

Been strangling with finding a partner am alyah and my mom is making it so hard I do belive in prayers make me part of yours

[@Elizabeth_Temi]

Amazing video 🙌🏾❤️ thank you

[@Sharzad]

What do you do if your partner doesn’t want to talk about any of this at all, even to tell you what you did that bothered or triggered them?

[@shweshwe_k8177]

I can relate to this. I'm learning to accept that if he wanted to he would

[@carolinasanabria7069]

Heyyyy. Usually we give each other space, and then talk when we’re ready. Or we’ll talk right away. And then enjoy a walk.

[@StephAnya]

I love the idea of a walk! They actually suggest that for the date for this section to symbolize moving together in the same direction.

[@thrill102]

Good video!

[@JaelDan]

Watching this for my parents 🤧

[@yowanehakuuu]

What to do if its impossjble to keep them happy? Theres always a reason for him to be upset or i cant enjoy anything he will make it trash but i truly love him

[@OshunBreeze78]

I get upset and start yelling because he quickly interrupts me doesn’t let me finish my thought. That’s what gets me upset and then hear comes the name calling from him and me threatening to leave the relationship. Bottom line I seem to be at fault during every disagreement he doesn’t see what he did or said to get me to that point. Idk if it’s worth fighting anymore I love him but right now I don’t like him 😢💔

[@candacecarter5864]

You’re really good!

[@missjeffersonifyanasty9571]

Thank you needed this❤ you mentioned that “and then you yelled at me” was bad communication. Do you have a video further explaining how that is bad communication? I understand from my own sessions with my therapist that I should be focusing on my feelings rather than what the person did because my partner can feel attacked but maybe there’s more to that?

[@StephAnya]

Hey! Yep. You answered it. Since the meaning of "yelling" is subjective, you want to focus on facts. "I felt scared when it felt to me like you were yelling." Does that make sense?

[@missjeffersonifyanasty9571]

@@StephAnya yes thank you that does make sense. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I honestly never thought of yelling as subjective.

[@StephAnya]

@@missjeffersonifyanasty9571 I didn't realize it either until I realized so many of my clients refute with, "That's just how I talk!"

[@missjeffersonifyanasty9571]

@@StephAnya GIRL! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 it burns my biscuits every time 🤣

[@kle105]

I feel this so much. When I am in conflict and get anxious my voice gets louder and quicker but I’m not yelling at or about anyone. It’s my trauma response to confrontation

[@ROBERTDAVis2271]

Fantastic video 👍🏿

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤Great Video!!

[@StephAnya]

Thank you!

[@DogMommy.]

I'm tryin to save my relationship the only thing we lack is him not giving me attention. He said he's gonna do better but idk I'm just tired if fighting

[@mbtilover3575]

I’m curious to know how someone should interact with a partner that doesn’t share their more vulnerable feelings like if they are hurt feel rejected jealous etc because a lot of people can have a barrier up and just keep talking about the details of something and never express how something made them feel. I have experienced this in friendships with men and woman. So I guess my question is can peoples communication styles in expressing feelings change ? or if they don’t, do we just have to keep putting the pieces together on a feeling they may be feeling but they never directly say because of embarrassment or scared of vulnerability ?

[@londonmatchmaker]

This right here 👉 Identify your triggers it might be a feeling of rejection it might be you are feeling ignored. Make sure you communicate how you feel and create openness with your partner to avoid conflicts or arguments in your relationship.

[@reposentraquilitywithkingc3370]

Do you find this to be effective even in relationship with 5 plus years of bad communication. One person who shuts down and the other wants to talk about it and gets upset when the other is quiet. Where arguments come easily because of constant frustration to be this better person exists but is not happening the way they are asking it to be.

[@silvias2828]

Me and my husband talked about everything but things are getting worse and worse! Any other bright ideas?

[@devinalexander7415]

My partner refuses to do anything on the list until I validate her feelings. I do my best to validate her feelings, but sometimes I get triggered when I am judged so harshly for not being a good partner when I'm trying my best. She will not admit her part in the fight, she will not admit her triggers, she will not admit that she could have communicated better before, during or after the conflict, and she will not let me express my needs because she said she can't meet any of them until I validate her feelings the next time it comes up. To me this feels like someone who isn't willing to work with me, and someone who isn't letting love win. I can take accountability and know where I was in the wrong and apologize, but she has not accepted any part of her behavior during the altercation. What can I do if she isn't willing to do the work with me on anything from the list? She told me it's all up to me because it was a problem that I caused. Feeling deflated.

[@freeindeed8416]

Hold hands when you have discussions and/or disagreements?

[@AllenOlajide-j5w]

My partner is found of going out without me and each time I complained, he gets angry and wanted to quit

[@GS-cg3yn]

If I were to try this, my husband would become exasperated, start rolling his eyes, and do anything to cease the conversation.

[@jessejlozarjr5978]

girl…

[@jessek-9scentdetectiontrai10]

Beautiful Smile ❤

[@angieorozco8766]

Can I hire you for my relationship issues???

[@StephAnya]

I wish! I’m only licensed in Georgia and my caseload has been full. I do have a link for you to find another MFT in the description box.

[@raquellpn7482]

How can I book a session with you?

[@iamashleyiam]

How do we make an appointment with you?

[@paulalatham6634]

Think before you speak 😊

[@emom551]

They are running ads about you don’t need couples therapy during your video!

[@mrirreplaceable22]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@ace1007]

What if the things that are bothering your partner aren't what actually happened and they are accusing you of things that are against your character based on feelings despite the facts...

[@faith7934]

How much do you charge for me and my partner?

[@KalloMoney]

Not my accountability area

[@kimbershark]

You're so gorgeous 😍 ✨️

[@jessicatill4981]

Could Relationships jess till

[@Light_in_the_Darkness730]

Tips for Marital Conflict - How We Stop Yelling and Start Laughing Again kzbin.info/www/bejne/f5TdiqSijbapaa8

[@DeVeraJackson-Garber]

Thank you for this video. Helpful tools. Just a suggestion, as a queer person, I would find it helpful to show examples of queer couples. I noticed that the clips were all straight couples.

[@KalloMoney]

#DB

[@yaaafrifa8974]

You are a Barbie girl ❤

[@KalloMoney]

Mute im not attracted to arguing yelling or pain

[@KalloMoney]

B4 40 no

[@KalloMoney]

Losing my virginity intentions

[@KalloMoney]

I dont possess any deadly sin

[@KalloMoney]

God Family Career

[@KalloMoney]

Pem click

[@anamosa1574]

Are you married what is your realationship status Mad people be out here giving advice when they are a train wreck in their personal lives particularly therapists

[@stonerredhead]

She's married

[@PrettyVicious]

She mentioned her husband in the video

[@speedyblackston1647]

Thank you