How To Overcome Your Self-Defeating Behaviors and Heal Your CPTSD

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***
Everyone knows that past trauma generates struggles -- some caused by the people who hurt us in the past, and some caused by our own self-defeating behaviors, which can reactivate old wounds and keep us stuck in CPTSD symptoms. Many people are eager to help you focus on what other poeple did (which was no doubt harmful), and things in the past. But your own healing power lies largely in seeing where YOU are still acting on past trauma. Changing THESE behaviors is somethings the burst of power you need to break free of your trauma-driven patterns, and the suppression of happiness that so often goes with CPTSD. Here are ten clips from some of my best videos on changing self-defeating behaviors and healing your life.
***
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[@SweetSoulAwakening]

Thankyou for your videos, you have helped me so much. I found your channel yesterday and i havnt stopped watching your videos. You have turned your trauma into a gift to heal others, i would love to do the same some day. What a great inspiration you are Thankyou 🎉

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your kind words towards Anna! Glad you are here and that you have found Anna's content helpful! Nika@TeamFairy

[@jennykelter9518]

On the isolation piece, a lot of traumatized people just like myself isolate to stay safe because we are not healed enough to set healthy boundaries so even coming out a little at a time to me social can quickly lead to more traumatic stink because we are not healed. I understand you have to be in connection with others for healing but a lot of us pick the same types over and over without even realizing it

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Small steps to rebuild connections that are safe :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@petrastrong7799]

I completely relate! Keep whatever boundaries you feel you need! You will know! Dan siegel’s book mindsight and britt franks book “science of Stuck”are super helpful te boundaries! Nurture yourself as you heal and grow! The company can wait! Being by oneself is not necessarily the same as being lonely or alone! Stick with your process! Your SELF!! Keep on the path! we can do this! …we are doing it!!!

[@evadebruijn]

@@petrastrong7799 Thank you for the book recommendations 🙏

[@FB.RocksannROUW]

Hoping to see red flags faster

[@Elizabethsumpter86]

100% this. Every time I try to connect with people, I end up majorly triggered and retraumatized. Starting therapy on Friday. Hopefully I can break the cycle

[@RockyRoad17]

literally me 15 minutes ago coming home, I was deep in this helplessness state then your video popped up. Thank you 🙏 I always tear up when I watch your videos, you’re offering outstanding value ❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

So happy to hear that, sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@tanyacarlyle1422]

I tear up sometimes too 🙏 blessings on your journey 🙏

[@mindofthespirit1543]

Praying for those who've not gotten their breakthrough. Hugs Love and Blessings to All 🤗🤗 *This channel is great.* Hugs Anna

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks so much! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@deborahjofischer5692]

I’m so grateful I found you! I didn’t think this would apply to me… but trauma is different for everyone - I shouldn’t discount my own experiences just because they weren’t physical abuse! I’m in therapy for “elderly women with anxiety, depression & hoarding tendencies”. Your channel is frosting on my therapy cake! I cannot clear my home’s clutter, until I clear my internal home! Knowledge is empowering and I feel ready to take on my house with cleansing tears and joyful hope ❤

[@witchhazel8583]

Thank you ANNA!!! I have heard people telling me " why haven't I heard this before? This is so good and gives us a clue about our own traumas"🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@EricaAbbate]

❤I found out 2 weeks I have CPTSD from watching a video that popped up. I’m story is so unbelievably insane and adventurous. No longer dissociative so yea….. NOW I KNOW EVERYTHING. AMNESIA

[@pattielliott1378]

Now to apply this. Like she said, hearing the words won't set you free. Like in golf, it's the follow-up that counts. Thank you for helping so many take the steps to improve lives. Entire families can be helped by her.

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

I still struggle with feeling like I'm a victim and that someone is out to get me. I'm currently working on this in therapy.

[@evadebruijn]

🍀❤️❤️❤️🤗❤️❤️❤️🍀💪

[@lavd7932]

I just searched your channel as I was feeling a bit out of sorts today, and this video was exactly what I needed! Thanks for the work you do. Btw you look lovely! Love that hair and shirt color!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@cherbuck1525]

Oh my gosh Anna...Fear, Anger, Analysis, Diagnosis and Fear again. Have you been in my head again?

[@susie5254]

I am amazed at your ability to quantify everything that has happened to me. My path to healing was so close to what you described that it's as if you knew me.

[@sunshinepadawan]

Your genuineness shines through

[@mrskmonster]

I was careening toward the second group. Just feeling really hopeless, and honestly spending way too much time watching narcissism youtube. It kept me on the blame wheel and just spiralling downward. I'm so glad that I made my way back to your channel. I bought the CPTSD course and I'm working on it and doing the daily practice. I'm feeling better already. I just recently got married. I used to only really feel responsible to myself in regards to my healing, but now that I have a husband I feel even more determined to figure this out. He is a wonderful, supportive, patient, amazing man and I want to show up the best that I can in this marriage.

[@barbpace-lamb]

After divorcing all narcs and I’m finally starting to heal, yeah!

[@restauracioncorporal5775]

Oh Crappy Child hood Fairy thank you, thank you, thank you so much for this channel!!! All the videos I have seen so far speak to me with so much clarity and reality . God bless you and your loved ones!!!!

[@babettegrimaldi4574]

I am at that place were I am surviving without damage but I am still struggling with abandonment. I don't know how to feel the pain that sometimes washes over me. I do not hate me. I think I am a great person. I meditate. I self reflect. I do à lot of spiritual work but the abandonment feeling still comes to haunt me and it is painful.

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

I'm a good soul no matter what I am struggling through.

[@cristinaevans139]

I can’t change quickly enough I just found out my mother has dementia she is asking for me and I feel if I see her I will fall into a thousand pieces I haven’t seen her for 20years and I live 3000 miles away I’m not able to drive 100miles from my town let alone get on a plane I just don’t know what to do can’t stop crying

[@lambsauce1468]

Can you phone your mother instead of visit?

[@cristinaevans139]

I talk and write but it’s not the same as a hug thank you so very much for taking the time to say that ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

If you don't do Daily Practice, start now! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@petrastrong7799]

In short: No one can “make” us feel anything! That’s our job!

[@yourresidentialhomegirl6577]

It hurts so bad how true this is 😅

[@anza-annaretha]

Thank you SOOO much

[@pandapanda7664]

I am veryyy clingy, needy and in victim mentality. Moving abroad made it worse. And the offers like „take some courses, meet new people“ felt so wrong-fake: why do I have to pay money to find friends?? So I did nothing and stayed lonely for long🥴

[@genievibes3675]

totally isolation has worked for me. thanks for good info

[@johnnyutah6056]

Notes to future self: Must listen to 1:02:39-1:12

[@mimig474]

I either numb or get over emotional when I am emotionally hurt or betrayed. I like ppl & i am very kind and non judgemental and ppl share with me very personal things with me. The last couple of years I have started to lash out ,act very emotionally immature,etc. Im pissed at myself bc I dealt with my CPTSD,ADHD,Autism very well even my neurologist was impressed but At 40 I had 3 gran mal seizures and even after 8 years I am struggling with how I am different from before it. And even my neurologist of 15+ years has mentioned her concern

[@joannapowell3579]

“Ticking timebomb of triggers..” 😅

[@kaziquefly]

I wake up disregulated on the weekends. I think about phoning my family and right away I get anxious and worried that something horrible has happened to them. Then I am super sad most of the weekend for no reason. I just want to cry and stay in my bed. Anyone can relate? 😬😩

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good time to try Daily Practice out :) bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@williamstone2125]

Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@williamstone2125]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy This is very helpful for me and a few of my ACOA friends.

[@motivationalpeptalk-withmu4630]

“Like you didn’t get the memo on how to act”. EXACTLY

[@rsi4561]

my 450k waking hours not to mention the 10s of thousands of hours of nightmares LIVING with CPTSD far outweighs someone reading about it in a book here n there over 4 years in school.

[@andycodling2512]

I have just asked my boyfriend to find somewhere else .. he said loosing his parents and home was the reason why he didn't touch me or kiss me.. we were together 3 months and he ended the relationship last year.. he found himself falling out with his friend and having nowhere to go so I offered him a bed .. first night we were intimate, then boom we were a couple and he was asking if we could live together as a couple A couple without intimacy until he recovered from loosing everything Pretty soon I could see and feel this isn't right and pretty soon I was being triggered.. once again I found someone who made me feel unloved.. this time it didn't take long, half a year and he was out.. I feel guilt because of his situation but I just couldn't do it.. and he's now at his friends, sofa surfing but safe.. not a easy one but he was seeing this as his forever home, Politics of having a girlfriend is hard for him he said... Its not hard to kiss your new partner.. it shouldn't be anyway... It wasn't easy but the alternative wasn't an option for me now.. he's out and I can relax again,

[@aliveslice]

42:10

[@phemery1182]

Hate the holidays, feeling like such a loser, having no family now all dead. Having grown up in very disfunctionally neglectful & abusive way. Everyone else got "the manual" I didn't, feeling like an alien at times around people. Your support, guidance, perspective helps a lot & useful so much more than therapist can. Thanks!!!

[@lorriepowers3086]

Your family of origin may be deceased. Hopefully you have a network of friends who are your family of choice. If not, it's something to work on if you choose. We are never alone. We are surrounded with angels and guides to support and love us. And I'm sending you my love, too.

[@ruthiescafe]

Me too. I rarely know what to say when people wish me any form of Happy Holidays...when they are not happy at all.

[@matthewjay2680]

Hear hear!!

[@melissahood2960]

The holidays are a brutal reminder of all we don't have

[@Annie-442]

😞

[@helenmorgan1807]

Going to bed, this popped up on my phone. No accident. I needed to hear this truth. Deregulated for months. I have to break the cycle. The most helpful advice ever. I had almost lost hope for recovery. These suggestions will work. Something you said was a breakthrough. I will revist this particular video until I don't need to. Thank you Anna

[@cristinaevans139]

Is anyone else crying through this or is it just me please post

[@blackthornsloe8049]

This is so pertinent for me right now . I've been hiding and protecting myself so much that ,without realizing it I have been stagnating. I like to say " hunkering in my bunker " . Before I knew it I was in deep despair and feeling suicidal . I've looked that feeling in the eye and decided instead of self destruction I'd join the local Co op and sell my paintings and jewelry. I'm afraid I'll screw up and people will hate me but I'm not done trying to figure out how to live like a regular person.. I'm using these videos. Thanks.

[@hcf555]

I hunker in my bunker too. Good luck with your paintings and jewelry! Talented!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Really glad the content is helpful to you! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@KathyHussey063]

Try to release yourself from thoughts that pop up that are fearful. I found my thought, the ones that doubted me, doubted my worth, doubtedif peoplelovedme, doubted everything only sapped my spirit, my joy and they actually kept me down & crippled me. I had to change alot of my inner thinking by saying more positive, uplifting, reassuring & empowerng things to myself EVERYTIME I noticed I was thinking or saying anything negative aboutme or anyone else, about life. Now I use this daily to counter any automatic thoughts that try to pop up, anything that brings me down, devalues me or in any way puts myself down,I would respond to it with a statement that was positive. Before very long, I realized the thoughts no longer plagued me & if one even tries to start now, it's pretty amazing, to me, that I've managed to retrain my automatic stream of constant thoughts so that if anything disempowering, fearful, negative, insulting or critical begins to be thought, my inner voice will immediately LEAP to MY defense & say or think things that will counteract the misery increasing thoughts I had ALL the time. WE need to talk to ourselves the way a LOVING Mother would if she heard us saying the things we say to ourselves. Those thoughts kept me trapped in self doubt, self pity, thinking I had no power to effect how sad I often felt, thinking there was no way I could effect my own happiness. But we truly CAN change the inner dialogue & that's where most of our unhelpful, judgemental, perfectionist, critical thoughts about ourselves come from, most of our insecurity & unpleasant feelings come from what we keep telling ourselves. We need to decide we're done with the hurting 'US,' that we will use all our brain power now to HELP & to HEAL us, because we CAN actually help ourselves so much to crawl out from under a lifetime habit of treating our own selves so badly. I send much LOVE to you, and I want to say, to your inner dialogue; "HEY, she needs your help from here on out, she does not need your negativity so start HELPING OK?"

[@Gemisnotmyname]

I think huge part of CPTDS healin for me has been to be compassion to myself. The same compassion I show to others is much needed for my own inner child

[@SvayaG]

My husband and I are both working on healing our own CPTSD and we try to help each other at times when we see the other "stuck". Recently, at one point when I was in the middle of some self sabotage he said "you need to forgive yourself" and I physically recoiled and mentally said "absolutely not!!" and nearly yelled it out loud. It really caught me off guard tbh, I've never had such a clearly mean reaction to myself, and made me start thinking about why I was doing that. Having compassion for myself has never been a consideration for me, so I need to work on it too

[@BitsyBee]

Great insight!!!

[@KathyHussey063]

@@SvayaG I forgave others going through absolute he&l in 2011 and aprofound cleansing peace of mind and spirit engulfed me thst it's hard to describe. In those moments, I realized how much I'd been holding against my OWN self, how much of my bitterness against others for the times something they did or said had hurt me, how much of that truly stemmed from my internal decision & judgement that MY OWN behavior (at times) had been so unacceptable, so abhorrent or completely unforgiveable in my own eyes. When I finally found the compassion to RELEASE the pain & anger I held in me, the judgement I'd clung to towards others (for being hurt) it was a total revelation, an epiphany to me, to feel myself release all that judgement towards my own self, too. There was a flood of healing I felt through opening myself up enough to really forgive others (for their faults, short comings, bad decisions, etc. whatever had hurt me in some way). I had to enlarge my heart with real understanding so I could forgive fully, from my heart, from the swell of compassion I felt for others & their missteps, for our shared human condition/existence (which has us all fumbling through an insane existence where we know very little & so far too often must learn the most important things THROUGH our bad decisions.) I got there by thinknig about every person as if they were my beloved children ( all 4 adults now) & how eager I always was to let go of & forgive them of anything, how easily I understood their human imperfection, frailities, worries, their own bad choices. The reason I could do that, it hit me, was because of my intense LOVE for them. It hit me why people can forgive horrible things, becsuse a person is millions of moments of life, relationships, good and bad choices. I realized that a few minutes, a few choices, do not encompass a whole life & so too, our errors do not DEFINE us. It's what we learn & what we remember and choose to do every moment that decides who we'll be. I never ever expected to discover I'd been holding myself as judged and condemned, in my own heart. So ofcourse, with that inside, judgement towards others holds on like a leech if we can't forgive ourselves. But this is why the Bible tells us repeatedly to forgive others fully, because in that fully loving space, we can love ourselves fully and forgive ourselves too. It relesses the energy binding us to those we can't forgive, and it heals us also, to love that widely.

[@imatubewatcha]

"Don't let your CPTSD become your identity" .. I tell other people and myself.. "That's what happened to me, that's not who I am!"

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Exactly! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@sarahneels4331]

Exactly what I needed to hear thank you ❤️🙏

[@devanshgupta4107]

🙌

[@Jach28]

Today, I am free. Your lessons have mirrored almost everything I have been struggling with, and have made it easier to recognize the patterns I no longer have tolerance for in my life. I am so grateful for your videos and your advice. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wonderful! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@northofyou33]

I spent most of my life isolating myself, even in the midst of my quest for healing ,which consisted of therapy, 12-step programs, and spiritual questing. Several years ago, it just hit me in a very strong way, in a knowing way, that everyone is broken and hurting and struggling to heal. That made my experience of being around other people less of a challenge and more of a learning and awakening experience. I started going into social situations with a kind of openness and wonder rather than fear and defensiveness. My life changed a lot as a result. Now, these videos have added so much to that healing journey. I have many challenges still, but ultimately, I feel life is a wonder, and I am so happy to be where I am. I am even strangely happy for the challenges I face.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, thank you for sharing this! It's so great to hear about your healing journey, we're sending your encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@rozreynolds4663]

I hope I can get where you are.

[@julieschaefer9964]

Thank you, Anna, for all that you do. I love the practical way you help us with our cptsd. At 63 I'm a slow starter here but, I am determined to heal and not lose any more time. By the way, I love your new hair color and style. You look wonderful!

[@cherbuck1525]

I am also 63 and am healing at a whole new level watching Anna's videos and using her tools. I still get abandonment milage especially with my parents and F.O.O. So glad to have found the Crappy Childhood Fairy.

[@mountain5623]

Hi Julie, I'm new here and like you, determined to not keep living this way. I will be 61 next month. I'm Thankful I found Anna's channel. Many blessings on our determined journeys. 🙏🏔️

[@wendi2819]

❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@julieschaefer9964]

@@mountain5623 so glad to see I'm not the only one that's older and just starting out on this path. Thank you for your encouraging words!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can do it! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@lisalambert81865]

I was born and raised into that environment and it was until I was 47 that I started on a path to find the person I never knew, the person that I was born to be, me! People say I act like I know everything but they would be surprised to know what I really feel inside. I speak things out and to others to hear them myself, many times just telling someone of the tools to heal helps me absorb it better. But I am proud of who I am becoming each and every day.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! So happy to hear that. -Calista@TeamFairy

[@imatubewatcha]

I do that too! When I say something helpful to someone in a conversation it's like it echos back at me and cements it inside me! Then I actually use it to help myself 😉 I can actually feel it when what I'm saying comes back at me. I usually tell the person I'm talking to that I can tell God is using my own mouth to speak to me and we laugh.

[@red2843]

I am doing a series in a Live Talk on Reddit each week ,playing your videos on Audio and helping groups of people with your messages. THANK YOU SO MUCH ! these videos set me on a new course of healing and I am spreading it to others. Appreciate your work so much ! Healing each day more. I will be doing these for a few weeks. It gives me the opportunity to talk with and listen to others with CPTSD and Limerence. I hope it continues to help others in my group. Thank you Anna! Your videos change and help lead to healing.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

How cool! I just took a listen while preparing my desk for a day of work. You're wonderful, and what great work you're doing attracting an audience into discussion for mutual healing (so important). I'm guessing your finger is fine after the bite -- yes?

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

My life is real. My life is important.

[@DEEPCYCLEGARAGE]

Got rid of the ex wife and am out of debt, grateful and happy in my relatively lower middle-class life. I don't make a lot of money but I just went and walked the dog in the middle of the work day. I also get to be at home and homeschool my 8 yr old. Being a single Dad is so great w/o the ex sucking all the air out of the room. I get to be a Dad! When you have a kid with an overbearing control freak you are always 2nd and taking the lead is never good enough and will lead to a fight! Get out of bad relationships and BE FREE!

[@lowings848]

Same my friend, well I'm almost debt free probably another two years or so. I'm really happy for you that you get to enjoy your fatherhood now, it sounds like it does you good. I feel the same about being a mother to my 5yr old daughter, and our relationship is doing a lot better. A lot of money doesn't mean a lot of value.

[@lorriepowers3086]

Thanks for sharing your story. I need to move on from a bad relationship, too. My spirit has been in survival mode too many years and there is no real hope in sight. My husband is entrenched in CPTSD and a sex addict in denial. He has a lot of self-defeating behaviors and my studies and evolution into being a better person myself have not created a solution. I think I'm going to chalk this one up to a soul contract and be grateful for the benefits for both me and my husband. Unfortunately there's just nothing to base a real relationship on. It was destroyed a long time ago and I've been living like a love addict and ignoring a lot of important stuff. Heartfelt compassion goes out to everyone wearing these shoes. And thank goodness for the crappy childhood fairy! Love you, Anna.

[@loriraemorris4142]

@@lorriepowers3086 sounds so similar to my self defeating living situation. Would love to connect with other women to help heal.

[@lorriepowers3086]

@@loriraemorris4142 I believe when we reach out in Anna's comment section we are creating a connection energetically. Hearing from others on their personal journey helps us to know we are not alone.. as does Anna's beautiful videos. Sending you love and strength for your journey upward and onward.

[@manyBlessings2all]

@@lorriepowers3086 Thank you for saying about commenting creating energetic connection, I feel that too altho not seen anyone say it before. Sounds like you are on a full-on healing journey, bless your heart and wishing you all the best & happiness

[@mariaprovkina]

Thank you for this long video with a lot of details. 31:34 #1 34:49 #2 37:47 #3 38:53 #4 39:39 #5

[@angiedawn-nq3tn]

Thank you so much for this comprehensive teaching Anna it gives me a glimmer of hope. I’m 55 and only just starting the healing journey from cptsd and adult ptsd. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes as most of my adult life has been destroyed but I’m hoping somehow despite my age and trauma I can heal and find love and have a good life for the next 30 years or so. Bless you. Angie uk

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you Angie!

[@krystalhoekzema2578]

I just quit my job of two years after enduring a toxic, cliquey and bullying environment. Loved the job, hated my peers. Your video is coming at the perfect time bc i def needed this.

[@jessh1401]

That’s me rn…4 years in. Heading to school in January so I can get out of the industry completely.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

You did the right thing

[@ms.harripersad8227]

What would you do now that you quit your job because of a toxic environment ?

[@dianeatpeace337]

I always ask "would you rather work a job you love surrounded by people you hate or a job you hate surrounded by people you love?" Personally, I'll always choose the latter, as good people can make even the worst jobs better.

[@musicmaker4life20]

I like connecting with people, but I thoroughly enjoy being alone though. I feel the most comfortable with myself, I rarely crave talking to someone and get enough social interaction at work and through volunteering. I'm an introvert and being around people for too long drains me. I don't have negative nagging thoughts of worry when I'm alone, I have peaceful, creative, introspective thoughts when I'm alone. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I prefer only having a handful of close relationships.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@evadebruijn]

Solitude feels different when there is a handful of close connections only a phonecall away, than when you have pets and that's it. Happy to hear you have that handful to cherish❣️✌️

[@uzoo9505]

Healing is absolutely possible....it takes decision, determination and love.....Praise God.....

[@andylima24]

🙌🏻✝️

[@another20sth]

Everyday, I am grateful that this channel exists because I get an inch by inch insight into why I am the way I am right now without hating myself. I am a 22 year old med student and I've been working on healing myself since two years ago, it hasn't been easy. I keep finding myself in similar patterns or losing focus and getting frustrated and dissapointed when I find myself slipping into self destructive patterns. I know I am a long way away from loving myself fully and I am super grateful for the reminder that I am not my trauma because for a while I have been feeling very lost from who I am and this has been unsettling. Either way, I am reminding myself that change is possible and there's always a choice. Thank you CCfairy ❤

[@mayarose2267]

Please would you like to help me I'm a first years student and I don't who I'm . I'm preplexed in all my decisions I don't know what to do I constantly lose a piece of myself like I want life but I can't live

[@anitanez8425]

Awesome a med student. It sounds like you are worki g on your healing!

[@mayarose2267]

@@anitanez8425 no i'm actually at my Bed covered with blanket having bad Dreams not going to school ruining my future the issue is I'm aware of everything but I can't move anymore it's harsh when you're the enemy in your story

[@anitanez8425]

Support to you

[@mayarose2267]

@@anitanez8425 thanks

[@bohansenboh]

When you get emotionally triggered try to be hyper aware of your surroundings. So if you're at work focus on what other people around you are doing. In nature, focus on the wild life or bird sounds. Alone in your apartment, focus on what you can do to better your living situation or go outside and focus on the world around you. It's one of the things that I've started doing when I get triggered and I think it's really helpful.

[@IamStreber]

I know this is a year old, but I want to say I questioned myself worth. I asked myself have I ever felt worth and I believe when I was a child I knew to some extent. I found myself looking back and this is what I have seen: 1. When I was a little girl I asked my dad, “Dad, can you ask mom to stop calling me names?” That was me advocating for myself. Sure he didn’t do it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I knew what she was doing was wrong. 2. I ran away from home. I knew my home was not safe for me. No there was no sexual abuse, drugs or alcoholism, but abuse is abuse. And I knew I didn’t want it. And again advocating for myself. I told myself to leave. I know I still have pain from my past trauma and I also know there is something in me that wants what is best for me. I always knew it but the pain or should I say flash backs are not fun. I also want to add a thank you to everyone for sharing because I am finding hope from this experience with all of you. The videos are so helpful.

[@vespertine789]

I've been isolating myself for years now but I don't feel healthy enough to let someone in yet. Whilst I've made strides in self-awareness, and emotional regulation, my life is no where near in order and I'm still lacking direction.. My issue is that I can feel how deadening life is without love, I think it's precisely what makes anything meaningful, the sharing of it. And it's a critical step to moving beyond developmental trauma, and these patterns of limerance I tend to find myself in because obviously there's unmet needs there, otherwise that wouldn't be happening. At what point are you ready to put yourself out there? is the voice in my head that says I have nothing to give, that I'm too much of a dysfunctional failure for love, a voice of reason or of trauma?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is a daily technique Anna recommends: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@SJ-li6ho]

Hear all of that. Same shit happens here in the UK!

[@mattie7965]

😢

[@socialdistancingon8333]

Thank you for this video. I had all my plans down for the day, but when I saw this video, I knew I had to put those plans on hold that long and continued with my current passion project (I finally have one after so long of feeling nothing for doing things!). I used to be in the 2nd group for so long (over 3 decades - and, occasionally, it still comes out from time to time), however, I am also moving my way into the first group. There are many things you mentioned in this video that I am actively working on at the moment. However, I am okay with being pretty (not entirely) isolated at the moment. I just have too many things I have to work on for myself, and other people truly are a distraction from what I am working on. Plus, there is eventually wanting better friends around myself. I feel I get enough people time chatting with cashiers, my worker, a pen pal, and the one neighbor I visit occasionally these days. I'm going to save this video so I can listen to it over and over again, to make sure I'm keeping up with my mental self care. The continuous self talk in conversations, instead of just listening, or showing an interest in what others have to discuss is something I just noticed recently, and is something I am paying more attention too, as it annoys me that I even do it. Bc I understand how others view it, and I want to change that for myself. There are better ways for me to feel connected to others in conversations in that particular manner. I am grateful that you are here making these videos to help myself and others through the daily struggles while navigating life in general.

[@hyperchord]

I hate bitterness. When I'm disregulated, I get bitter as hell. I hate people that talk about letting the story go, moving on, etc. I want to burn them alive, burn everyone who even looked at me funny and destroy the world. Sometimes, I hear these ideas, and I want to scream "I'm sorry, I DO NOT want to live in the same world as these a holes. You're minimizing my trauma and these people need to be held accountable!" Though nothing ever changes. Its about maturity and I cannot reason with someone who wants to burn the world. It sucks

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I like the Daily Practice technique because I can be as bitter as I want in that context without hurting anyone or triggering myself with resentment bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@evadebruijn]

❤️❤️❤️🤗❤️❤️❤️ It can feel very catch22-ish to me: not wanting peoples moods contaminated by my bitter energy vs avoiding socializing unless I feel almost hypomanicly 'upbeat'.

[@anikalee9012]

I has been very thought. I don't have any supported system. But finally I'm healed.I feel greaful for this channel for being part of me and many people in healing journey.Thanks you so much. I hope you all who going through this can heal one day. And I'm sure you will.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@valeriasindicic6256]

I watched a lot of your videos, and you helped me tremendously. I don,t comment because it's quite hard for me to keep focused, so I use my energy on things that help me stay regulated. You explain everything so detailed and so relatable and I have to go back, than write down, than go over it....I,m still work in progress, but I,m still here, fighting for myself and my healing. I just wanted to say thank you Anna, thank you so much. Things I learned from you have offten been things that kept me alive.

[@vickistrouse850]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@gimj1_8]

Such excellent, astute and practical content. Even your delivery is warm and kind you're truly doing great work! Thank you

[@circularisnotthis4316]

Anna Runkle and team: I could fill up a library with self help books. If they helped then only one would do but they didn’t and your help does. This real time, constant total reinforcement of good practice helps. I’m so grateful that I live in this world.

[@christinagurrola5335]

These videos teach me more and help me find tangible solutions to think differently, than any therapist I’ve seen during my awful spousal abandonment. I’m 39 years old!

[@shannonshaw1463]

Wow.. you are an Angel sent from God!! I found you by typing in cognitive behavior therapy for self destruction and came across you! I was just 7 minutes in and was in tears.. every word that came out of your mouth was every thought that I have felt or am currently feeling.. oh my 😢… I truly thank God for you💗🙏

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here!

[@SuperMar10GalaxyBro]

Every video is rich with incredible content!! Keep pumping them out!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Appreciate the encouragement! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@mindfulmarie-]

I have watched 1 or 2 videos every other day for over a year now. I sometimes go back and re-listen to clips just to find a different more healed perspective. Thank you Anna x

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, thank you!

[@jilli813]

Thank you for what you’re doing. It’s been so eye opening.

[@Artistpath]

Loving relationships? That’s why I have a dog. She’s the definition of love and happy. I sometimes believe I forgot how to feel anything anymore. A few moments with her I begin to experience good emotions again. I can listen and she can listen without the need to talk. She is the most intuitive creature on earth. People only know how to betray you.

[@DancingL704]

Thank you for your help 💕

[@AzaliaMcdonald]

Omg!! Lol I loved the *you dont have to talk about yourself* lol I will put that one in practice more often specially with immediate fam☺️

[@roycexroyce6446]

Holding stuff in is half my problem. I need to be yelling at people.

[@aintnoneyabusiness7634]

one of my traumas is writing down how i feel. when i was a kid my older brother and his friend found my diary ripped off the lock then proceeded to read me my diary entries and laugh at me and made fun of me. since then i have been very skeptical on writing down my real (or false?) feelings. i don't want someone to find them and then read them and then have to deal with them asking many questions or whatever their reaction may be towards me and what they read even though it wasn't theirs to read in the first place

[@adamwells515]

Thank you. I now have a starting point. This is going to be a very long journey for me. I will methodically watch all of your videos over the next few weeks.

[@aleadean7951]

When you described your "second group", I literally felt you were talking directly at me. I really thought I was the only one that has a relationship with my pain. I mean, I KNOW I'm not alone in C-PTSD. I KNOW Im not alone in childhood trauma. Yet I still do feel alone in being attached to my pain and don't know how to live without it. I never lived symptom free so how would I know what it's like without my symptoms? I'm now 39 years old and while I Am better than I was 10 years ago or even 5 years ago, I STILL feel stuck. Counselors always ask how I envision my life free of these symptoms and I never have an answer. When I was a senior in HS or even growing up as a child I had no vision for my life. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not even a princess or mermaid. I never found joy in wishing where I could travel to or what career I longed for. My childhood trauma has led me to lead a trauma filled adulthood. While peers of mine got jobs or went off to college or started families, I became homeless, been in and out of psych wards and jail. I did end up pregnant at 19 and struggled to parent as a single mom but lost my son to adoption a year in due to my severe depression and undiagnosed C-PTSD and Borderline personality. Since that adoption took place my symptoms got worse and I started drinking and drugging on top of my other addictions to self mutilation and shop lifting. I've been in some form of therapy (counseling, medications, hospitalization, intensive outpatient, detox and rehab for the most part of my 20's and 30's with little improvement. I am now clean and sober with the help of methadone maintenance. My financial situation is secure enough being on disability but always wish I could earn a better living so I can live comfortably. At this time in my life, I feel numb. I stopped trying to meet people, I don't have any friends but one and I obviously can't rely on her for all my needs. The best part of not socializing is not getting hurt. Many times I'll put myself out there and Im sexually assaulted once again. Not knowing how to speak up has put me in situations I don't want to be in. I'm not close to my family and I'm okay with that but feel a lot of guilt. I always felt that life lacks meaning. I have always had suicide ideations and have attempted suicide in my 20's but I got to the point where I admit that I do have a strong fear of death so that is what stops me. I wish there was an easy way to overcome my symptoms but it's difficult when it's all I know. I have so much anxiety and I feel like there is so much to heal that I don't even know where to begin. I have done acupuncture and EFT (tapping), bodywork massages but I dissociate badly when I attempt doing them. I have so much repressed trauma, repressed emotions that I don't know how to get them out without going numb. My body goes cold, numb and as I ground myself I come to bawling in a fetal position. I'm then physically and emotionally exhausted for the next week, vulnerable and at risk of relapsing. I am chronically tense, if I manage to relax somewhat I dissociate. I have chronic aches and pains which massage therapy doesnt solve because I'm still tight during the massage. I didn't realize Im writing a lot here, I apologize. Thanks for your videos. I hope to get some relief soon

[@BitsyBee]

Just want to say, BEAUTIFUL portrait of our CP fairy on this video cover! She's the living proof of all she tries to teach us and it shows!!

[@AADM.1]

10:58 “Well now you joined the ranks of the First group”😭❤️

[@Iudicatio]

Thank you so much for this video! I went to a neurologist today because I feel tired all the time and on the very first visit, they pushed medication and therapy from people outside of my religious community who would not be appropiate for me hard. This played into my trauma because one thing my parents did was push medication on me so that they do not have to deal with my feelings or any of the inconvienent aspects of me, and I felt like the doctor decided to do the same thing. I was so dysregulated I couldn't do anything the rest of the day and I was feeling a bit hopeless. This video gave me hope again, so thank you!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@phemery1182]

Doctors/therapists push meds so much now then a med to help side we effects of those meds or b we cause hooked. Awful!!

[@angelamills980]

Yes, I have been concerned and confused about medications for a long time, and have begun to recognise that they are prescribed because mental health is so poorly understood, certainly in the UK. Anna's work is desperately needed all over the world, I guess. Many folks have a less than ideal childhood because basically no parent is perfect. There are a combination of factors that can lead to PTSD, as was the case for myself. Many symptoms were buried so that the extremes of disregulation only really became triggered when I realised too late how difficult parenthood would be for me. A long story but I am thankful that eventually I have been able to begin taking steps in order to better support our adopted son who experienced a range of traumas (including having me as a mum who was depressed, lacked confidence and felt extremely guilty and inadequate!) Anna, you really are a fairy godmother!! Thank you a thousand times - you truly have been sent by God. ❤️

[@VJolie3]

I must say, you are looking gorgggg in that thumbnail.

[@sheristrykowski4690]

Wow. After all my extensive research and self-help and growth mindset, you have some of the deepest answers I've searching for.. for years. You make it Simple ... not easy but SIMPLE. Ty so much ❤

[@kimmig769]

thank you so much !! all i do all day long is survivng i use all kinds of tools i try tirerlessly . and just getting more depressed more un seen , im no body anymore. "( i feel like im so unloved . this isnt imaginary. i apreciate you so much!!!

[@cherbuck1525]

You are not alone. We're here for you. Watch Anna's videos, and do her Daily Practice and you'll get there one baby step at a time. ❤️🦋💪

[@kimmig769]

@@cherbuck1525 thank you .

[@jellybellyfun3288]

Doctors and therapists who feel threatened when their client/patients know more about themselves than the professionals do. THOSE PROFESSIONALS are NOT qualified.

[@teriskipper573]

I like to think my mind and body have a vibration. When I can clear negative thought with good and thankful thoughts, it changes the vibration that affects my whole day for the better

[@gina888warhol1]

Thank You so much! This proves good can come out of bad things.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Absolutely! Thank you for the kind words. Jack@TeamFairy

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Obesity is a common problem for Molestation survivors like myself....

[@xlauriestarchildstudios7777]

Patterns of self destruction are tough to unload. I tried letting it all go. But I could not. How do I let go of the emotional wars I have SURVIVED AND NAVIGATED ? I do feel stuck, awaiting new tools and the ability to utilize them to serve my Divine Path and Purpose.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Breaking these patterns is difficult, but it can be done and you deserve to heal! I would recommend taking Anna's course 'Healing Childhood PTSD' as a first step, it teaches many strategies for healing the effects of childhood trauma. Here is a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD -Calista@TeamFairy

[@xlauriestarchildstudios7777]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you very much.xo

[@yellowsunflower7714]

Dear Anna, thank you SO much for your inspirational and educational videos. These make such a difference to us! Please can you do a video on how CPSTD affects sleep, and sleep maintenance? Thank you so very much 🙏🍂🍂

[@erinsmith1293]

I'm so thankful to have found you & your site & videos Anna! It seems the last piece of my puzzle is to do your courses to FINALLY complete my healing so that I can truly move forward in LIFE & LOVE.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We're there when you're ready :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@CorporateQueen]

Such great advice in this video. 😍 Removed someone unstable recently. Don't let people stand in your doorway and block your energy.

[@cristinaevans139]

You made it Anna you did it ❤

[@mariongustafson5982]

Hi Anna, Thank you for your channel. When I first started watching your videos on youtube, I didn't think this actually applied to me. I was the Golden Child. My mother praised everything I did. But my father was an alcoholic, chronically underemployed, blamed everyone for his problems. Mom began relying on me to do everything for her (call in to her work to say she was sick, fix problems at home, etc) I am now between jobs and frightened. My siblings rely on me to continue to fix things. I am 60 yrs old - I should be over this already. This would be a great time for me to start the business I've wanted to start, but I isolate and procrastinate. I realize my situation is so much better than others, but I feel overwhelmed and stuck. Thank you for letting me share my situation.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

The belief we should "be over it" is part of trauma too- and keeps us stuck! Try the technique Anna teaches in the free course to get "unstuck" :)bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

[@mare2723]

💔 scared with stomach spasming as it turns out my only friend is a narcissist and he was also my advocate so my nervous system is freaking out because I’m usually the helper and I’m in need of help and all my friends are dead and the system is not trustworthy... by the way, I’m a former psychologist who was disabled when her repressed memories of sadistic narcissistic abuse surfaced.

[@cherbuck1525]

What a great metaphor! I need to break my wheel of abandonment milage with my F.O.O. especially my parents. I've got 2 days to get to the next level of healing before Thanksgiving. I can do this!!

[@luci6560]

Rooting for you @cher!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You got this Cher! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@steph6109]

Sorry. I know its off topic but your hair in yhis video is gorgeous.

[@razenkane1843]

It feels nice I was and am on my healing journey of my past. The wording I had was slightly different I called my stuck in my mind a record stuck on a player skipping unable to move forward. I also assumed it was by-polar, but I don't think so anymore CPSTD makes more since. I have stopped my meds over a year and half ago once I lost 45 lbs my mind became more peaceful with intermittent fasting. I was working so hard, but a couple of months ago I realized my hubby of 15 years (total of 26 on/off knowing) was a dead weight and he is still an addict not motivated to doing anything. I had to move on to move forward thanks for helping me with these ideas on here 😊 I am just trying to get past the sadness of leaving a hubby I think I loved of what I hoped he would be and would never be. I feel like I wasted 26 years of my life with him in my mind, I want him out!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That must have been a difficult decision, but it is really amazing you had the self-awareness to realize he wasn't right for you. We're all sending you encouragement as you continue to heal :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@joannepanzo3823]

I want to thank you .. I have grow a little bit . I lot of work . To do on myself .

[@TheLordsbattleaxe]

I have to have the belief that healing is possible.

[@MichaelJohnson-vi6eh]

Not knowing what life would be like. Yes. I stopped dreaming a long time ago. No vision for my future.

[@vidyarosyjose1404]

Could you please do a video on Self Righteousness in CPTSD...?

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good one. Yes.

[@vidyarosyjose1404]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🙏

[@jamesmurrell]

I'm so sorry to have missed your London event. Any chance you will be repeating it ?? Your videos are wonderful, thank you.

[@coltonfyfe5508]

I had a really bad couple days. Im almost 30 and this is the first time ive every felt understood.

[@carmenhernandez-es3hq]

I have a question, I’ve been with my partner for two years. His female friends when they come over are very dismissive towards me when I greet them. They stare at me, ignore me and go straight to my partner and greet him. What can I do in this case? They’re his friends and evidently are not going anywhere. I sometimes feel like breaking up with him because he never seems to notice. Thank you, I’m feel really broken right now.

[@lambsauce1468]

If he's a narcissist then he's probably told them some lies about you to keep them from liking you. It's about triangulation for him and keeping you small so he feels bigger. I wish I'd known this before wasting 9 years of my life on someone who never loved me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Ouch, that is painful. This technique helped me express myself more effectively bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy