Crucible Approach - What is differentiation (Bowen, Schnarch) and How it can change your life

You are invited to celebrate with me my birthday and learn about the concept that has changed my life - Differentiation (developed by Murray Bowen and David Schnarch) - My ability to be myself and close to others.
Differentiation was a concept coined by Murray Bowen and later developed by David Schnarch. It is the basis for the Crucible approach in couples therapy. In short, the Crucible approach sees intimate relationships as crucibles that help humans grow and develop.
The four 'points of balance' in the crucible approach are:
⚫️ Flexible solid sense of self
⚫️ Quiet mind, calm heart
⚫️ Grounded responding
⚫️ Meaningful endurance
Throughout this talk, I share my personal and professional journey with this paradigm.
In this talk, I explain the crucible approach and the concept of Differentiation. I share examples from the clinic and my personal life.
The talk includes practical tips on how to change your life by bringing more of yourself to your relationships while becoming more intimate with others in your life.
⚫️ Our Website:
www.potentialstate.com
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www.psychologytoday.com/intl/...
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podcast.potentialstate.com/
⚫️ Our Channel link:
/ @thepotentialstate
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/ assael
Please like and share this video with your friends and family. Also, Don't forget to subscribe to our channel for more related videos.
Thank you
#crucible #ChangeYourLife #differentiation

[@unrespiro]

Thank you for this video. I read one Schnarch's book and loved it so much! What you said about therapist being differentiated first (before recommending it to the clients) I saw it in my own therapy: when I confronted my previous therapist about something I didn't like about our therapy or her treatment, she would turn defensive, I think this is not ok. With my current psychologist, trained in psychoanalysis, where they work so much with transference, I can say whatever I want to him and know he will not react, just turn it in a tool in my therapy. It is a very diferent experience and a really transformative one. I think this is differentiation.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks again for watching and commenting. Yes, therapist's level of differentiation is crucial for their ability to help their clients. I'm glad to hear that you feel free with your therapist and I hope you'll be able to raise differentiation throughout your life. Good luck!

[@bethaniacounseling]

Great explanation of differentiation!

[@phill8504]

That was fantastic thank you. This book is on my read list

[@MsLadyAva]

Wow this is such an amazing lecture! You're a gifted teacher.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks again for all you comments. We’re so glad you like it!

[@ext1013]

I picked up a book from a thrift shop on Differentiation, thinking that it's about theories of why we are different from each other. When I got home, the book is about marketing, about making more money than other people. I was intrigued that I searched for a better explanation. I stopped searching when I landed on your site. Thank you. Oh and happy birthday.

[@ThePotentialState]

Hi. Thanks for watching and commenting. I'm glad that you liked the content. Good luck!

[@ashermarieward]

I appreciate the time you have dedicated to this topic. I took good notes and will use this video as a reference when needed. Such an important discussion to be had. I wasn't even aware of differentiation until a few months ago and at first, I was scared/sad because I didn't even know one could have a solid sense of self. It was like an awakening to how I had been living my life. I was constantly people-pleasing in order to feed that reflected sense of self which was overly exhausting and helping no one. I hadn't even thought of how to validate my own self or how to make my own decisions- this way I can have true intimacy and not fragile connections. I'm so grateful to be building my solid sense of self. Thank you again

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you for watching and commenting. It sounds like you did some deep personal work. Good for you. Wishing you good luck on your journey!

[@krisjazz27]

Thank you for your work! I am a mental health therapist in Washington state, and I have been learning about myself and Schnarch's work since 2003. Peggy Pace the creator of Lifespan Integration introduced his book, "The Passionate Marriage" to me. Thanks again for creating a fantastic video that explains differentiation well.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks so much for watching and commenting. We don't take it for granted. Take care :)

[@zaord]

Its feels that is also my birthday today ;) Thanks for those gifts ! Life is light

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you Daviau for watching and commenting.

[@biancajoseph1115]

I absolutely loved this, thank you so much for making this video! Super informative and the perfect amount of personal.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Bianca for watching. We're happy you find the content informative. Take care!

[@professorstarlight2268]

Wow, what an amazing video. I've recently been introduced to the concept of self differentiation by my counselor, and there's so much here that resonates with me and where I'm at in my journey. "The only way around is through, and the only way I can grow is through the pain, and the ruptures, and the repairs." -- this hit home especially. I feel like I just got a sneak preview of the next few months of my life. Thank you for posting this - looking forward to watching the other personal development videos.

[@dickdebruijn6395]

This is SO helpful in my life as a person, a partner and a therapist ! Big thanks from Amsterdam !

[@ThePotentialState]

Hi Dick. Thanks for watching and commenting. Good luck!

[@LoudPedal66]

Your message is so clear, necessary and universal, Dr Assael. I return to your discussion often, as a reminder of how we can do better. 💪Greg

[@ThePotentialState]

Hi Greg, Thanks so much for kind words. I really appreciate it. Take care :)

[@PM-zw9xz]

This is just wonderful! I just found you! Thank you for the great level!

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks for watching and commenting. We're happy the content is helpful. Good luck!

[@kemgoddess1]

Great explanation! Thank You!

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you for watching and commenting. Good luck!

[@aaronwatchestuff]

Great vid, thank you! I appreciate how relatable you are, and it’s super helpful to have this information to reinforce things I that I am learning.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks so much Aaron for watching and commenting. Glad the content is helpful. Good luck!

[@CaleCloutier]

This video has helped me today, as a therapist, and as a man. Thank you.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Cale for watching and commenting. We're thrilled that it helped you both professionally and personally. Differentiation has changed our life. Good luck!

[@deborahlara]

Beautiful video. Your passion for this work clearly shows through to me. You present these topics and concepts in almost a poetic way.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Deborah for watching and commenting. Yes, I’m very passionate about my work. Good luck!

[@gravity1015]

Thank you for your message. Also, happy birthday!

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you for watching and commenting. Good luck!

[@cyfisher8679]

Great video. Thank you. Just what I was looking for.

[@ThePotentialState]

I’m so glad. Took me many years to get it into the muscle enough so I can teach it without being a hypocrite. Thanks for watching.

[@hotdoggington6962]

Oh this is great, thank you for this content! You're a gifted teacher and this is an extremely worthy subject

[@ThePotentialState]

Wow. Thanks so much. I'm glad you found this relevant. Good luck!

[@LoudPedal66]

Thanks!

[@ThePotentialState]

We really appreciate the support. Take care

[@briarroseO]

It's nearly your birthday again, when I found this video! Thanks for the interesting vid. Happy birthday!

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Bryer for the birthday wishes. I'm glad you found the vid interesting. Good luck!

[@celestesullivan303]

This was an awesome video. Thank you so much.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Celeste for watching and commenting. Good luck!

[@joysarahc7437]

Thank you! This is helpful 💚

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks for watching and commenting. Good luck!

[@SaarLeestMee]

thank you for this video i gained a lot out of it. i hope you had a great birthday although ofcourse this isn't the same moment anymore. still very gratefull for the information.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you Saar for watching and commenting. And thanks for the birthday wishes. Good luck!

[@okorion75]

Thanks this was a clear discussion of a very important topic.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks for watching and commenting!

[@lindseyshapiro379]

Great!! Your own personal sharing was very moving!!

[@oliviaf9259]

This video blew my mind

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks for watching. We're so happy that our content is helpful. Good luck!

[@Hannah1980]

Thank you! ❤🙏❤

[@ThePotentialState]

Thank you for watching!

[@Hannah1980]

@@ThePotentialState Do you have a video about the how?

[@ThePotentialState]

@@Hannah1980 How what? How to raise differentiation? Yes, Many of our videos can help you raise differentiation. Check out this playlist: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oJzMmaeCas9mgdE. You'll find a collection of our videos that will help you raise differentiation. Good luck!

[@nicolebernal2628]

Happy belated

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Nicole!

[@korpiz]

I just discovered your channel, and this video and what you are speaking about resonated so much with me. I also started reading Bowen and then Carl Whitaker, this was after I qualified as a Systemic Psychotherapist and it fundamentally changed my entire professional and personal selves in profoundly positive ways. I have not heard about Schnarch, but I will read some of his, which book do you recommend I start with? I am actually at this moment also preparing a brief presentation of how differentiation as a concept, map, approach, orienting principle can be used in clinical supervision.

[@ThePotentialState]

Hi Korpiz. Thanks for your message. Glad you like the video. I recommend you start with Passionate Marriage by Dr. Schnarch. Good luck with your presentation!

[@nadaskafskaf7803]

Thank you for the video, which book do you recommend for differentiation and Bowen family therapy. I am reading “ family therapy in clinical practice” but it has so much explanations about how the theory was developed and less on explaining the theory and how to increase self and family differentiation. Thank you again!

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Nada for watching and commenting. I recommend Schnarch's book called The Passionate Marriage which breaks down Bowen's concepts to practical applications. Good luck!

[@Im4Right]

I wish you were in Utah and could be my supervisor, if you are even a MFT supervisor. I really like this presentation.

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks for watching and commenting Donald. I am indeed a certified MFT supervisor and actually offer online supervision: www.potentialstate.com/supervision-for-therapists. Glad you like the presentation. Good luck!

[@jilllindenbaum]

I loved this video. I have been working with a therapist on self validation. I am sensing that my husband and I are actually at levels of differentiation. (He more differentiated than me, though it could just be more Independence/stubborness masked as differentiation. Could you point me to any resources for couples who are on different levels? This works also seems related to the Emotionally Focused Work of Sue Johnson author of Hold Me Tight. Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Are you familiar?

[@ThePotentialState]

Thanks Jill for watching and commenting. I would recommend reading The Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. You'll find in that book more practical help. This is a different view from the EFT work of Sue Johnson. Good luck!

[@Im4Right]

I am an MFT student and currently trying to complete an assignment on differentiation. I have spent quite a bit of time searching for an appropriate intervention to add to the handout I have been working on. I think that from this video I can now develop an intervention based on the 4 tips you talk about here. Where can I learn more details about these 4 tips?

[@ThePotentialState]

Hi Donald, thanks for watching and commenting. You can read more about the four points of balance in Dr. Schnarch's book Intimacy and Desire. Good luck!

[@taylorhumphreys3579]

What book of Scharch does he cover differentiation?

[@ThePotentialState]

Taylor, He covers differentiation in all of his books. I recommend you start with The Passionate Marriage. It's a great book. Good luck and thanks for watching!

[@taylorhumphreys3579]

@@ThePotentialState Thanks, so far I've been learning to be more self focused than other focused and trying to show up for myself more in relationship. Has been a process for sure. You made alot of great points in this video that's added to my education. Thank you