D&D Players, What is the absolute dumbest backstory you've ever heard from a character? #1

[@thoop6795]

Cant spell dumbest without best

[@lunarheavens2819]

truuuuue i will be using that!

[@davemakesnoises]

You won this thread

[@trashfay]

What spell is that

[@changingpeopleslivesmoon2993]

Fr

[@idksomethingoriginal]

"' My character is that dude's brother'" gave me a good chuckle

[@maplepainttube8158]

I genuinely loved that and I wish I had thought of it now

[@emberfist8347]

That is a hilarious backstory almost as good as Greg Greg Gator.

[@davemakesnoises]

Hahaha so good

[@RavynArcadia]

That should be on most epic character backstories. That's awesome and hilarious. Maybe even causes him to have a dash of Leeroy Jenkins in order to prove himself or something.

[@bretsheeley4034]

I had to laugh too. A few years ago I created a similar character. His twin brother was marked for greatness from birth due to prophecy, signs, portents, the moon he was born under, etc, etc, etc. My character was the twin born a few hours later on the wrong day and way pretty much discounted by everybody. He even later got a little sister who's similarly "blessed". My character left home for arcane schooling just to get away from them all and everyone who benefits from "what is given to them rather than what is worked for". Then he learned that's not how the world actually works due to the examples set by another massively annoying PC who is very beautiful and knowledgable but has the wisdom of a coked up turnip. ... Damn, I need to get back to them.

[@Figgy5119]

For the "I'm that guy's brother", it would be so good if you talked to the DM so as you're meeting in the tavern and it's your turn to introduce yourself, the tavern bard begins singing an epic song about a beloved local hero who did x y and z and your character sits there growing more uncomfortable with every stanza

[@greatazuredragon]

Every single "my character is ALL POWERFUL" backstory, that is then aplied to a lvl 1 character.

[@bohemianprince7944]

That's why mine started at lvl 5.

[@awesomechainsaw]

I don’t mind it if there is a reason in the backstory for their lack of skill. A former Adventurer who had retired for his family, and lost his touch. But now that their safety is threatened by the BBEG he’s coming out of retirement to protect them. The Paladin/Warlock/Cleric who once served an evil god. Having broken off their old pact they seek to redeem themselves under a new god. The Badass who received a debilitating injury yet still wishes to fight. It will take time for their wounds to heal, but they aid the party with what few skills they can use in the meantime. People just died so fast in their previous position that the fact that their even alive is a miracle worthy of praise. They are held up as the ultimate badass by their people... despite the fact. That their not really that strong...

[@nickcampbell5626]

@@awesomechainsaw Plot twist, they were once a god themselves who was caught giving favor to his favorite group of adventurers, causing his downfall to weak mortality while also justifying his knowledge of the adventure thus far. The IRL side of the story: The forever DM wanted to play as a PC so he incorporated the fact that he had been the DM up to this point into his character.

[@alericantonelli4656]

@@nickcampbell5626 thats....actually kind of cool & awesome. Allows for meta gaming while also making said meta gaming a fucking plot point. I love it.

[@greatazuredragon]

@@awesomechainsaw Those are good and fine. I'm more talking about backstories like the ones that explicity say the character can fight gods and such, with nothing explaining why they are lvl 1. ^^

[@Repicheep22]

I mean, the cowboy in a gothic setting is, surprisingly, on brand. Bram Stoker had a cowboy character in his Van Helsing stories.

[@davemakesnoises]

I vant to drink your sasparilla

[@dopple22cec58]

A cowboy killed Dracula

[@plantainsame2049]

@@dopple22cec58 America fuck yea sorry I has to

[@lanefunai4714]

@@plantainsame2049 now I have that song in my head

[@GrndAdmiralThrawn]

People forget that cowboys and Gothic horror are more or less contemporaneous

[@nickcampbell5626]

Warlock who's mission in life is to lead his party members to their dooms so he can sacrifice their souls to his patron. While looting his last party he found a Balance card in one of their pockets, flipping his alliance to lawful good. Problem is he has no idea what a balance card is, so he still thinks he's chaotic evil, but has to justify to himself why every selfless act is part of his master plan to kill the other PCs. "Sure I'll buy the next round. Hope you all enjoy liver failure! Muahahaha!"

[@nidohogg4783]

That is great lol

[@Fanimati0n]

That's amazing

[@jimking1444]

Love it

[@aclaymushroomwithaberet7084]

lol

[@Ceracio]

This is actually one of the most hilarious ones I've ever heard/read. Thank you good sir! Your trivial tales are much appreciated.

[@kirinari8415]

I think the dumbest backstory I have every seen was my friends backstory. “He woke up in dirt at 2pm” That is literally it.

[@juliuswhite2947]

lol im not good at making those either but fr at least make it seem like you tried

[@SamWeltzin]

That is absolutely glorious. It has "At the age of 6, I was born without a face" vibes.

[@davemakesnoises]

Hahahahahahaha omfg

[@daz211]

Very to-the-point way of saying he's an amnesiac

[@asabothseraph9374]

Josuke?

[@BYERE]

I am totally stealing that "I'm that guy's brother" backstory for my next character's introduction...

[@masterklaw4527]

DM: You rolled a one. So that means you miss. New Player: No he doesn't. Part of his backstory is that he never misses.

[@davemakesnoises]

Ahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah right

[@bretsheeley4034]

DM: "Well, this isn't his backstory anymore. Tough break."

[@davidmarks6821]

This just made me think of a character who thinks they never miss, but actually does quite frequently, so the character either rationalizes them missing somehow or breaks down because of it.

[@mardshima2070]

DM: OK, your attack hits but it not enough deals any damage.

[@WarmLusamine]

Reminds me of another story about a character who "never missed". Except that other character was fun.

[@kbox-je3bu]

I had a player who was a Orc. His back story was:" I was walking around my house when i subbed my foot on a door." He then became a barbarian so he can go to war with doors

[@davemakesnoises]

If the BBEG isn't a locksmith we are gonna have words

[@SuperAwesomePerson64]

One of my players was a paladin who always just smashed through a door whenever it was in the way. It became a running gag and in the later stages I made a Door Golem as a miniboss.

[@AzaloonyToons]

I need to know more of this story

[@cameronspencer9619]

There’s two kinds of stories here… “That’s ridiculous.” and “That’s ridiculous, _and I love it.”_

[@Fanimati0n]

Abdul Thundercock is the greatest pc anyone in the history of D&D has ever made

[@davemakesnoises]

Brb legally changing my name to Abdul Thundercock

[@niveauabulle5205]

YES.

[@ignisshadowflame1027]

Back story is terrible but with that name backstory is optional.

[@spront8297]

Greatest backstory ever

[@synergy8879]

ima be real with you, your backstory can be as shitty as it gets but the name is what gets you through

[@misamisaa4547]

A dwarven character of mine was a Proper Lady (TM) who loved reading. Her favourites were viking stories, so she had a lot of them. And then one day a bookshelf collapsed on her, resulting in her memories becoming messed up and she believed she's a viking

[@WarmLusamine]

Gonna channel my inner fae for this one. *steal this idea*

[@privpi]

A toddler that accidentally drew weird magic symbols and got adopted by an ar h fey, future warlock

[@DrFranklynAnderson]

Lol, reminds me of a story idea I had once where someone recognizes that this infant’s baby talk is actually “ia ia, cthulhu fhtagn.”

[@magenstaffarts]

The absolute dumbest I have of my own: a dragonborn bard who is bored while his Grave Cleric wife is out adventuring with her gal pals. Literally that's his backstory. Dumbest I've seen out of someone else: A kobold monk who got thrown out of his monastery because he ripped a fart during a mass.

[@nidohogg4783]

The first is actually genius.

[@davemakesnoises]

Hahahaha genius

[@corbiepayne]

The paladin/warlock actually sounds entertaining. They'd pretty much be a ticking time bomb, thinking that they're slick while double-dealing two powerful beings until their hubris inevitably bites them in the ass. Might be more fun to hear in a D&D story since a character/player who thinks themselves the smartest at the table might be insufferable to actually play with.

[@SuperAwesomePerson64]

I'm currently playing a Drunken Master monk and his backstory is that he's literally just some guy with no formal training who turned getting drunk and beating the shit out of people into a martial art.

[@AzaloonyToons]

Incredible.

[@ericb3157]

i can't help but think of "abserd" in a video by "puffinforest". his convoluted backstory had him joining and getting kicked out of a BUNCH of schools. as a result, he has ONE level in EVERY D&D CLASS. note that Abserd was created for a one-off adventure where every player started at level 11 or 13, so he was technically legal.

[@saninpain]

Man I find Puffinforest insufferable. How anyone plays with him is a mystery to me

[@davemakesnoises]

@@saninpain takes a special type of masochist for sure

[@204thSpartan]

He started at lvl 14

[@NXTangl]

The funniest part for me is that "random cowboy" isn't even out of place in Gothic Horror. There's one in Dracula and nobody ever talks about him.

[@biffwellington6144]

Quincey Morris.

[@nebbynoo1127]

The one about talking to the stars and then they talk back is great

[@hedera1332]

“A philosopher once asked, "Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?" Pointless, really..."Do the stars gaze back?" Now, that's a question.”

[@Nidhwal8me]

I play with a guy whose character is a tabaxi barbarian named Gar-river-through-field. He was separated from his real family as a baby and raised by a human named John alongside an adopted gnoll...

[@davemakesnoises]

The quest for the god lasagna

[@evangrescol7772]

A lot of these sound like characters I and my friends would come up with lmao.

[@Pingu4708]

I’m writing some of these down for meme characters

[@queenWillowwww3893]

@@Avendesora I mean, honestly. I don’t really play D&D much now, but when I’m writing sometimes, it’s funny to give myself something like these to work with, and some of my favorite OC’s have spawned from this sort of thing

[@davemakesnoises]

Y'all sound like my kinda people

[@flameofmage1099]

When I was very new to D&D I wanted to play a Sea Elf afraid of the ocean. The DM basically told me it was dumb and made no sense. I ended up playing the character with another DM. She was a ranger whose favored terrain was desert because she was a former princess that got a dream prophecy that the ocean would have a major part in the end of the world. This caused an irrational fear of the ocean to take hold and she fled to the desert to be as far away from the ocean. She now looks to find how exactly the ocean is involved and prevented. Looming back its not as good a backstory as I thought but she was beastmaster and my DM let me ride a pterodactyl into battle. Good times.

[@mistermustachiogmc1256]

Haven't gotten a chance to play him yet, but I have a guy who believes himself to be a master wizard and natural prodigy. In reality, he's a complete idiot and his mom cheated with a dragon.

[@davemakesnoises]

Haha oops

[@vahlok1426]

Two come to mind. One is more infuriating than the other, I'll let readers decide which. 1. A black Dragonborn barbarian raised by wolves who wants money. That's it. Seriously, that's all. Some may have read my story of this same character slipping into a C/E alignment and trying to murder a friendly doppelganger because reasons, forcing me and the cleric to kill his character. Yeah, but that was his whole backstory. 2. A dwarf cleric who somehow managed to see through the fourth wall, and knew he was in a game and was insane. All this was for was for the player in question to be D&D Deadpool the cleric, using hammerspace and making dumb puns the whole time. Oh, and their deity was the *owner of the shop we played at.* Mind you, we all didn't like the player or their character, since we already had one cleric. But no, he insisted on being his Wacky Woohoo Crazy Cleric. We left him to die under a rockslide.

[@MitchellTF]

...#2. SEe, #1 is someone you can ignore. And things could be done with it. #2 is ACTIVELY infuriating.

[@vahlok1426]

@@MitchellTF Now see, #1 has a much deeper story to it that I couldn't elaborate on as I was on work break and crunching to get the comment out. Short story goes that the player of the barbarian was also an insufferable asshat who stole spotlights and threatened PvP and attacked random NPCs if they "annoyed him." He killed the cultist we captured once even as my Paladin was casting zone of truth to interrogate him, all because he wanted to "torture him." Then he got all up in my face as a player and in character. Basically I was just waiting in character as a L/N paladin for him to slip up and give me a good reason to bury my glaive in him. Needless to say, he did and then stormed off like a child.

[@davemakesnoises]

May #2 forever rest in poop

[@theuncalledfor]

So, the cleric had all that going against him, and yet the reason you didn't like him wasn't any of that,but just that you already had a Cleric in the party? Surely you must have misspoken, because that is at least as stupid as the Cleric's backstory.

[@vahlok1426]

@@theuncalledfor This was an abridged post of how insufferable he really was, but he also intentionally messed up plans because "for the lolz" and one time set off a trap that I had already discovered and alerted everyone to which nearly killed the whole party, just to name a couple of the major issues. Add to this he was also an obnoxious level of cringe furry. Edit: I definitely misspoke, because yeah we didn't like him because of everything I said. Not just because he insisted on playing a cleric, that isn't the major issue. It was the start of it though, because he played specifically a healing cleric when we already had a healing domain cleric. The rest just compounded to make him truly insufferable.

[@adamwelch4336]

The first one with the Ranger who poops in the woods because it's freeing I think she was just a shy pooper!😂😆

[@davemakesnoises]

Gotta set that dookie free

[@unabletopurchaseitem6578]

My friend made a (very stupid) Goliath Monk who was so fed up of people mocking him in his home village, he set out to become an all-powerful wizard. Unfortunately, he took a wrong turn and accidentally ended up at a monastery. He didn't notice that this wasn't wizard school. He became a monk.

[@addison_v_ertisement1678]

That's amazing.

[@Magmafrost13]

8:34 crafting ammo for early firearms is actually pretty simple, you just drop molten lead from a height into water to create spheres of lead, which is all the ammo was.

[@KamiRecca]

Yea, but gunpowder might be an issue. Nothing says Potassium sulfur exisgs or works the same in a fantasy setting. Or a god declared Naah guns simply dont work. Deal with it. This is why you always clear character concepts with the dm.

[@typhoonzebra]

@@KamiRecca I think it's safe to assume that things function the same unless stated otherwise. For example, nothing in the official material talks about reproduction but it's safe to assume it functions the same way as in our world. Not that it should be the focus. Plus their are divination abilities that are specifically blocked by lead. Lead, which blocks x rays in the real world. I would take the approach that "no one's figured it out yet"/"it's not worth the time and effort in a world with magic which is far more effective."

[@josephbullock8486]

This channel is single handedly inspiring to finally play some D&D

[@nidohogg4783]

Definitely! A friend of mine runs a Discord server for D&D if you need some people to play with. Let me know if you want the link. It's all through discord and we have bots so you dont even need to buy dice until your sure D&D is for you. We have quite a few campaigns going on that should be able to fit another pc.

[@josephbullock8486]

@@nidohogg4783 That sounds pretty awesome I'd love to give it a shot!

[@davemakesnoises]

Yessssssss

[@nidohogg4783]

@@josephbullock8486 discord.gg/TdapSNS7 Sorry Im so late, I didn't get the notification till the other guy commented.

[@CatoNovus]

I had a character that kinda fits this(you'll see why), very fun to play. He was Ienmoh(pronounced "Een-moe"), the traveling Barbarian-Mime. On his character sheet, when you looked at his backstory, there was a single, simple sentence: "He won't say."

[@davemakesnoises]

Thanks i hate it

[@CatoNovus]

@@davemakesnoises Glad I could be of service!

[@GreenQueen69420]

I love the first one, Abdul Thundercock, Godzilla man, the one where Mars spoke back to the Warlock, lute girl, cleric of thighs, the ex god of war, and the angry Tortle. They sound just like shitpost characters and I would love to have them at my table for a campaign full of jokes.

[@theera9514]

i used to dm for a player who liked things to be simple, that meant never learning how to play a spellcaster, and never writing elaborate backstorys, my favorite of thiers was "her rogues family was involved with some gangs, uhhhh... gang violence. everyone died, and they got really sad and just started walking until they came across the main campaign plot"

[@RealCryptoTest]

He was a changeling cursed with pop culture knowledge

[@Sgtw2]

If I was that changeling I would want to toaster bath

[@RealCryptoTest]

@@Sgtw2 He almost scored us a TPKO by going up to a paint shop owner possessed by a powerful demon, turning into a woman and whispering in his ear "Damn, boy, you frying chicken in here?"

[@Sgtw2]

@@RealCryptoTest that really funny you got me to chuckle

[@davemakesnoises]

@@RealCryptoTest HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@AzaloonyToons]

IM DYING HELP

[@joelhaggis5054]

I was running a particularly off-the-wall rpg for my family, and I encouraged them to stretch their imaginations. My brother wanted to be a time-travelling cyborg supercop from the future.

[@_Abjuranax_]

Roguesborough was found outside of a small village, abandoned by his mother. She was later falsely accused and found guilty of murdering her baby and was sparred the gallows by sending her to a penal colony, never to see her son again. He was taken in by the local wagon maker, Ben Cartwright and his sons, and quickly learned their craft. As he grew up, they and the village folk always admired how fine looking a boy he had become, but as he grew, he was always drawn back to the nearby grove where he was born. One day, as he was looking at his reflection in a pool nearby the grove where he was born, he noticed that he was no longer the fine-looking boy that everyone knew and loved. He could not go back and face his adopted family and friends like that! So, he left them forever, never to return, but he would like to if he ever could. He was found in the woods by a wise old Gnome, who taught him the sprig and ways of the wood. Upon his deathbed, the wise old Gnome told his charge "You're a Druid now Roguesborough, and don't ever forget it!" Then he died, leaving him to seek adventure and spread the sprig and ways of the wood. The Beginning...

[@Wertsir]

The hydrophobic pirate isn’t dumb, it’s _brilliant._

[@jasonrustmann9876]

"My guy grew up on the streets...in a small swamp village" And one player who was just constantly the cousin of another player

[@wackytiewednesday]

You can't tell me that playing teacup godzilla wouldn't be a blast

[@scoots291]

This made me think of a character I once played. Old human wizard who had really bad constitution so bad infact at one point he started to lose HitPoints as he leveled up. He was an adjunct professor at a university who never had any real adventure and wanted to experience how it was to be an adventurer before he passed away from old age (explaining the loss of hp at level up). He became the uncle of the group and died when he became level 3

[@SimonClarkstone]

He died of levelling up? That's amazing. (Though the rule do say you never loose Max HP when levelling up.)

[@scoots291]

@@SimonClarkstone not all editions have the same rules. Think wizards getting d4+con mod health. Or in his case +1d4 - con mod

[@SimonClarkstone]

@@scoots291 Ah, I hadn't thought about other editions. Good point.

[@mariofan1ish]

Isn't a "Land Pirate" basically just a bandit?

[@davemakesnoises]

NO. LAND PIRATE.

[@bretsheeley4034]

Bandit #1: "Drop your weapons and step away from the carriage." Bandit #2: "You don't want to lose your life over a couple of bags of coins and a single chest now." Bandit #3: "AVAST, ME HEARTIES! Hand over the booty or ye walk the... fell tree into ye nearby... shallow ditch." Bandit #3's parrot: "Shiver me timbers." Bandit #1 sighs: "Gods damn it, Barry."

[@knifegun1064]

Never should have come here

[@hedera1332]

@@knifegun1064 "I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!"

[@minimalbstolerance8113]

I had a Dwarf Bard once called Angus McPickhammer the 3rd. He was stereotypically Scottish AF. His instrument was bagpipes. His backstory was that before becoming a bard, he used to be an ale merchant, but he went bankrupt because he couldn't resist drinking all the ale he bought before he could sell it on. I also had plans for a Centaur bard, just so I could call him Jon Bon Pony.

[@jerryferguson5]

Perfect timing, was just now wondering when I would be watching your vid :) Thank you

[@MrRipper]

Same time, every other day :)

[@jerryferguson5]

Ok I liked the god not wanting to be a god anymore story and the garden gnome story the most. Alot of these were amusing.

[@jerryferguson5]

@@MrRipper i know, just keep forgetting and just sat down to watch TV since getting home. Always a WOOHOO moment when yall post the vids and I never keep track of the time.

[@davemakesnoises]

Absolute legend. Thank you Jerry

[@finl6694]

I have a D&D character named Dokato who was such an ugly baby, that their parents threw them into a trash can and left them to die. As some racoons were scavenging for food, they found Dokato and raised them. A few years later they became friends with a monkey ferret looking creature and now they go on adventures with a cat person because why not.

[@sancho_tem]

1:57 That paladin/warlock is actually genius

[@davemakesnoises]

👍👍👍

[@Sgtw2]

50 seconds in and I’m all ready enjoying myself

[@MrDmitriRavenoff]

Rub it faster

[@Sgtw2]

I get the joke but it’s not funny and comes off kinda weird

[@davemakesnoises]

Glad to hear it!

[@davemakesnoises]

@@MrDmitriRavenoff ew

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

PANR has tuned in.

[@donutlover417]

Pane

[@N01inparticular]

How’s it going?

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

@@donutlover417 sprank

[@postapocalypticnewsradio]

@@N01inparticular it could go better. But it could go worse too. You?

[@donutlover417]

@@postapocalypticnewsradio yes

[@theta7137]

So, my bro once played an artificer who was tasked with making a machine to slay a dragon, so he made the machine and went to the cave and died, but he picked up a magic item that caused him to come back to life, as a skeleton. So in this sapphire dragons lair he woke up and what do you do when your immortal and have just died? He proceeded to annoy the dragon for i think 3 years until the dragon kicked him out ( dragon didnt wanna let him go because he feared that people would come for the immortal magic item or sumn ) so he got kicked out of the dragons lair and he started walking, until he came into a town and met the party. We visited the dragon later and dragon kept threatening to kill the skeleton and skelebro kept saying shit like, "ok i'll just come back" 10/10 backstory best part of his character was when we were doing puzzle and he solved it in seconds. Ended up becoming the grim reaper

[@synergy8879]

man got so tired of death he decided to escort others to it

[@a-a-ron2028]

"Salutations My Sweet Spring Chickens!"

[@ensentry]

Someone i used to play with, her backstory, "i have 9 sisters"

[@OriNyte]

Anime protagonist?

[@AzaloonyToons]

Were they all named Nurse Joy perchance?

[@Graknorke]

the one about the Cuban pirate is wild. like you can almost imagine what was going through the players mind, worried that people would think their simple concept was going to be too boring by everyone else's standards so they kept slapping stuff on even when it barely made sense

[@JCook-dx5pf]

Dave entering TL;DR Mode is my favourite

[@davemakesnoises]

I try to keep it succinct 😅😅

[@mlionheart101]

We played a one shot campaign of a group of villains. Everyone was in prison for some reason or another. My friend a half human demon on the other hand, had amnesia and a horrible disliking of cows. Turns out he used mind control to a group of cows attack a town, lost control of them and was trampled. Dm gave him inspiration dice for such an out there back story lol

[@mirage4023]

Was making a paladin based upon being brought back from the grave, and my DM asked what my background was. “I was dead, now I’m not.” Pretty simple and dumb for the time.

[@red_skies80]

Medieval Choir Teachers: how are we going to find good sopranos?! The Doctor: 8:08

[@bodesbodes9408]

"My character is secretly uber powerful but just hides it!" DM: hmmm lame as heck but i need the player count (quietly ticks box: "character suffers delusional psychosis")

[@SecondDraft]

2:50 This backstory is... almost exactly what I do for one of my characters. I would take a pirate background that grants reputation, still, he rolls for his intimidations though. He did have his own ship and crew but he was sunk and killed with the rest of his crew. (I don't expect to get a ship or crew at any point) He gets resurrected by the queen of his homeland of whom he swears loyalty to for his revival. Point is... I'm not as original as I thought I was. Feels bad.

[@wypmangames]

this video inspired me to make a dumb backstory and dumb character: he didnt sleep well one night, and now just wants to sleep 24/7 (basicly on a long rest all the time)

[@ilovethelegend]

So, just any full caster besides warlock?

[@RuinQueenofOblivion]

Oddly the Christian Minister element of the lady pirate is the least bizarre part of that story because Bartholomew Roberts, one of the most successful pirates in history, was known for holding Church services on his ship.

[@alvarox951]

ok the paladin warlock with both his patron and deity at each other sounds interesting. and i'm gonna be honest, i kinda dig the cowboy in the gothic campaing

[@lvke544]

STOP, THE AD THAT PLAYED BEFORE THE VIDEO WAS FOR OLD SPICE “Night panther scent” LMAO

[@mattbrammeier8938]

Player's character was a veteran from a war where he was bit by the enemy and received a curse. His curse was slowly turning him into one of those enemies so his call to adventure was to find a way to break that curse. The war was against Care Bears.

[@russellperry9902]

4:20 No, that back story is gold. I mean, Why cant you be more like your successful brother.

[@ThenameisMarsh]

Most of these aren't dumb, most of these are fantastic. They're just non-serious in tone. But if that's the criteria for dumb backstory, then let me tell you about my halfling wizard. He was a farmer and one day decided to buy a new pitchfork. He went to a secondhand shop and bought an odd looking pitchfork. Its handle was carved with all sorts of ornate patterns. He then discovered it was actually a wizard staff, and the pitchfork head had been added to disguise it as a pitchfork. So he wanders the lands dressed in farmer's clothes: overalls and straw hat, carrying a pitchfork, but ready to cast any spell at a moment's notice.

[@kokioen]

Went to anger management, ended up in hell. Seems par for the course

[@jimking1444]

I see a cleric of the Church of the Holy Thighs, Praise be unto those who worship!

[@devildocjosh3100]

Gods damn truth homie, thicc thighs save lives!

[@davemakesnoises]

Praise the booty

[@justabear24]

One of my characters was a talking wizard cat (A Wizard cursed and transformed into a cat but he stayed on the form). His background was: dont ask why am I a talking cat, just lets move on and have fun (I hope somebody gets the reference). My barbarian lasted one hour before just grabbing me and violently shaking for an answer. He got a few high rolls for strenght, so he got me pretty much dizzy but I wont talk. So he threw me to the floor, NAT 20. He broke my neck and that was the end of my talking cat. Pretty dumb but it seemed like the party didnt like me at the time.

[@WarmLusamine]

There's a special spot in the Nine Hells or Avernus for that barbarian.

[@ratkingsifr6459]

Ok that Minotaur one sounds pretty interesting though. Lol. You could make up so many scenes from it

[@zyoptic]

Honestly? Because the campaign was supposed to be absurd, I love the like 1 foot tall Godzilla, yeah there could be more backstory but I love that

[@cidlunius1076]

Abserd. Yeah, I'm not even gonna stutter. The Tortle one is pretty great.

[@matthewlabodin3981]

The Dhampir rogue in my party is a psychic vampire who feeds off of the feeling of disappointment. He used to be an assassin, but he kept failing his assignments to enjoy that sweet, sweet disappointment from his employers. He stopped getting jobs after that. In character, I learned all this when my wizard put up help wanted posters for a position in the party, and the rogue was the only one to show up.

[@JohnTravis1965]

For my d6 Star Wars game, years ago: The character submitted to me for approval was a "space dragon man" who could fly, and exhale blasts of fire, ice, lightning, poison, acid, and... something else I've forgotten. I spent at most 5 seconds glancing over their character sheet before handing it back and off-handedly saying "Nope" before turning back to my discussion with another player about their far more interesting character.

[@northwestnerd4950]

Welcome back, Dave! Glad to hear you. Hope the Davecation got you refreshed fully.

[@davemakesnoises]

It did and then this week was just a total wash lol my car battery died 2 days after i spent over a grand on service bc i left the dome light on, my one remaining PC monitor died, my plumbing is suddenly just totally jacked up, and somebody hit and runned my car yesterday leaving me with a smashed door and no information. Thats what i get for trying to be well rested lol

[@Fangirl222]

The dumbest one I’ve heard as a dm is “my parents left me in the woods and I was raised by wolves” simply because it didn’t even work well

[@crunch1216]

Whenever I play a storm sorcerer (usually a halfling) I say they got their powers from, 1- getting hit by lighting several times. Or 2- they got to close/touched a mad scientists device and the shock gave them powers. Halfling storm sorcerer is my favorite combo of race and class in this edition

[@biffwellington6144]

In Rifts, I once played a Crazy who had amnesia. He just woke up in a junked-out old car one day, and he figured that was his car and that must be his name on it. So, he called himself Buick Skylark. He had a collection of goofy-looking fur hats, which he'd made himself using his hunting, tailoring, and leatherworking skills, to cover up his bald head and the M.O.M. implants sticking out of it.

[@danielcastillo591]

Love how the DM's read this, and split between dumb(affectionate) and dumb(derogatory)

[@beyondthehiddenbth5764]

An hermit dwarf with amnesia. I was really put on the spot for making him not able to come up with a good concept before the session. Delg ended up being my second favorite character. So far at least. For some reason I wrote "hobbit" instead of "hermit".

[@keul2704]

I remember drawing up this half demon character years ago whose backstory revolves around the mysterious circumstances revolving around his town being completely decimated. In a sorta world bending fever dream created by the Mary Sue of the server we were on (dude literally proclaimed to be the god, despite literally being told to knock it off with the godly nonsense by one of the mods), my character felt an eerily familiar sensation when this “god” demon was attacking the group’s main hub. Dude yelled at me out of character for involving his character in my backstory, but the problem with this is that I literally wasn’t talking about him. The power that my character felt was his own, not from this other player. This lead my character to go on this massive side bar thing where he would go on to discover that his village was not razed by this different fanatical cult, but instead was burned by himself, leading to the deaths of most of his own family and his people. But of course even when I was doing this sidebar, it took attention away from the other player, and the dude threw a tantrum. I eventually just left the entire thing outright, but I thought it was clever at the time

[@Reepicheep-1]

"I'm that guy's brother..." THAT was hillarious!

[@Khalith]

I’m convinced at least a few were a trolling attempt.

[@maynardz03]

I have a player in my game whos backstory is: He went to college and was "friends with benefits" with cthulhu, cthulhu would hook him up with drugs and after the year was over he took up adventuring to pay off his drug money debt

[@theviking1359]

Some of these stories sounds kind of cool, not gonna lie

[@Degeneratehippo]

i once made a charachter with a backstory of one day he tripped on a piece of grass, and destroyed his hometown. homebrew baby. edit. he was a halfling in a village of giants

[@Jtheartnerd]

Genuine question, what is a gant?

[@Sgtw2]

@@Jtheartnerd I don’t know either

[@nathan714]

@@Jtheartnerd a gnat is a tiny insect irl I dont know it there is a dnd race equivalent, but given the context it was probably the tiny insect

[@Degeneratehippo]

@@Jtheartnerd giant, sorry

[@Jtheartnerd]

@@Degeneratehippo np

[@Wolfphototech]

*In the groups i play in .* *The players don't reveal their back stories untill after the campaign is over .* *An when i do DM/GM .* *I tend to start the adventure when characters are young and just leaving town on thier first great adventure .*

[@mapleflag6518]

Props to the player in the 2nd story for not throwing a temper tantrum.

[@joshprice5302]

my currant character started studying at candle keep after the spell pluague wound up getting expelled for play to much labyrinths and chimeras(our in world dnd). he started as a support wizard with no attack spells now he runs around with the lost ring of fire and the book of vile darkness.

[@derp24lordz]

The character ill be playing in a couple months put on a helmet, little did he know, this helmet was magical and gives the wearer -1 intelligence, and shrinks to the point that he can't take it off, and cutting it off would be too dangerous. He also got really unlucky with the dice rolls and started with -4 intelligence so he thought: hey a helmet! It looks nice, and I don't see any curse around it, I think it's fine. And so nobody can understand him now

[@Clover_tongue]

So, the dumbest one i got is from my own character (which granted, he was a joke anyway) So I was playing a set of armor that had been animated by the ghost of a unicorn named Mr. Sparkles. He had been an old folk hero, going around and solving the problems of various towns. One day, while he was still alive, he had met this human woman that he had fallen in love with. Thing is, she wanted NOTHING to do with him. She thought he was annoying and kind of a moron. Mr. Sparkles didn't catch on. He was convinced it was because he didn't have thumbs (i know some people have unicorns that can take a humanoid form. he can't) and so he began searching far and wide for ways to get thumbs. On his way, he drowned in a river somehow, but was so determined to get this woman to like him that he stayed alive as a ghost. That was when he realized he could possess armor now. Specifically, armor with THUMBS. so now, he's been left searching for this woman again to show her that he finally has thumbs so now she has to like him.

[@scoots291]

Had a player tell me that he didn't care about his backstory and for me to make it. Proceeds to make most bad things happen to the party be from his backstory. This wasn't a bullying situation but was teaching the group backstory is important

[@hedera1332]

I think players who aren't big on making there own back stories can be the easiest to tie into the main plot, provided that they actually acknowledge their backstory once they start playing. Not everyone is creative or has the time to write up back stories.

[@donutlover417]

Sprinkles has tuned it!

[@N01inparticular]

Yo?

[@donutlover417]

@@N01inparticular yo

[@DistendedPerinium]

The "night pooper" is totally something I would make, but I'd somehow make it more ridiculous.

[@ultgamercw6759]

The Godzilla one is actually pretty clever considering it was meant to be a silly campaign rather than a serious one.

[@Naro_Rivers]

I know he says, “It is so nice to be back from my day of vacation,” but I keep hearing “my deification”.

[@SMon42]

This makes me feel way better about the back stories I've created for some of my characters.

[@kaseymathew1893]

I have a Wild Magic Sorcerer I want to build, and his backstory in a nutshell is "blew himself up with a Wabbajack-esque magical Macguffin."

[@davemakesnoises]

Love a wobbajack hope you get to flesh this one out!

[@blaisedollbaum4550]

Dming for a 3.5 campaign - this player started as a cloistered monk for an unspecified god, then decided to leave for an unspecified reason. Then decided to go go climb a mountain. After which he ended up at the inn to meet the rest of the party. He's a barbarian.

[@KamiRecca]

We played a paranormal adventure in BESM, and i played a japanese commercial mascot, a hamster with two tiny, never-ending rocketlaunchers that had been pulled out into the real world by a demon that entrred it through televisions. He would stare longingly into the tv when his commersial played, oddly empty since well he was no longer in it. Also, he blew stuff up in a cartoony way. Must confess, did the character to mess with the Dm. But he said Play whatever you want.

[@Mrryn]

4:09 Okay no, nonono, I refuse. This does not belong on this list. That is unironically great. Plays into the trope before turning it on its head for a laugh, but that's actually amazing for me as a DM: just enough background to play with, the blank slate with a chip on his shoulder...so much room to play here.

[@SamWeltzin]

Ah, was wondering where Dave got off to. Nice to have you back. :D

[@davemakesnoises]

I was off gallivanting for a while doin stuff

[@iamnomad4570]

The 1 foot Godzilla was really creative