D*mn, You're Ugly: A Witcher Armor Tier List

[@JillBearup]

Seriously considering making an Everything Wrong With Calanthe’s Armour video given all the knowledge people are dropping in the comments 😁

[@k.jespersen6145]

YES!! Please! Because it is undeniably the most wonderfully under-sexualized armor out there, but it is also so... wrong!

[@annbrookens945]

Yes, please! The evaluations are wonderful! I'm especially interested in the "armor back rather breastplate" theory. As many said, she's a warrior queen! Why isn't her armor better/ best!

[@WhiteWave3]

Immediately, my first thought was “she’s gonna get stabbed in the arm pit”… so with that what you will!! 😊😊

[@osarkthegoat7038]

I think what you're sensing on the queen's armor is that the breastplate articulation is fake. the lines for the separate panels appear to be molded into the armor, not actual separate segments.

[@Kashak666]

can we also get a short "removes the helmet -> gets shot in the eye" commentary?)

[@UmaKnaven]

Love how they wanted a rag tag thrown together look so they made them all match perfectly as if the armor was 3D printed

[@SuperKatiki]

Maybe they don't know what "rag tag" means.

[@thisoldjediguy]

I mean yeah it even LOOKS like plastic

[@ilmari1452]

I also don't get how they managed to fail at ragtag. Seriously. You want "ragtag but alien" - just look at Lord of the Rings. The moria orcs in the first film fit that description perfectly.

[@unk1637]

And thus, the ballsack brigade came to be.

[@GarmrKiDar]

nothing says 'ragtag thrown together look' like 'sir, I don't even know what this is supposed to be made of in-universe, or how they're supposed to have made them'

[@mauz4588]

Also, the Season 1 Nilfgaardian armor looks like someone made the mistake of machine-washing all their dry clean-only armor. The inner material shrank in the wash, while the outer material retained its size. Nothing says "stollen and looted armor" like having the exact same strange texture on every piece.

[@theheavenlyfb4071]

They also look pretty phallic, with how the waves look like veins and the helmets look like...well I don't really have to say it now do I?

[@fat1fared]

@@theheavenlyfb4071 It reminded me of the DBZ abridged joke when Bulma washes Vegata's armour!

[@B.B.Digital_Forest]

The armor worn in the Turkish show "Destan" looks more like something the Nilfgaardians would wear.

[@bittergeek]

“Rag-tag” is an easy look - send your crew to every high school and college in an hour’s drive and buy whatever they have backstage in the theater department. Instead of equipping your squad in armor apparently made entirely from the foreskin of some terrifying hentai monster.

[@kenbrown2808]

more specifically, if you want ragtag, your troops should NOT look like each other, but SHOULD look like SOMETHING that SOMEBODY else might be wearing.

[@jameshusband1487]

Or go to any medieval-based LARP or battlegame such as Dagorhir, Darkon, or Belegarth. There is ragtag as far as they eye can see.

[@bookcat123]

But no, apparently their costume designer thought “ragtag” meant “extremely unique and elaborate!” 😂

[@Fafhrd42]

"Rag-tag" is such a weird design philosophy to even state (they clearly didn't actually follow it) for Nilfgaard. The Nilfgaardian Empire is essentially fascist, and the designs of their army should reflect that. I.e. All of their soldiers in the same mass produced armour. I'm also pretty sure that the design brief for Season 1 was "do not make anything look like it does in the games" because the license was for adapting the books, not the games. This got relaxed in Season 2 after they made some cross-promotional deals with CD Projekt, which is why the Season 2 Nilfgaard armour looks MUCH closer to the design in the games, as well as additional little easter eggs like the wolf medallion from the games being one of the ones hanging on the tree in Kaer Morhen.

[@schonnj]

I have to agree entirely. Ragtag implies lack of uniformity, not dressing everyone in identical black vein-covered xenomorph stormtrooper gear. The vine/vein-like details make them look creepy and weird, not haphazard.

[@supersophnz]

Ciri's midrif armor really is "well if you have a scar there then it wasn't that bad so you don't need armor there" which isn't how I'd want my armor planned

[@superjlk_9538]

“I lived after getting hit there so obviously that doesn’t need armor”

[@antonliakhovitch8306]

Yes! You probably know this, but this is how militaries decide how to armor airplanes. They look at where the bullet holes are on the planes that return. If a particular spot never has bullet holes, it means hits to that spot are probably fatal (ie, planes that get hit there don't return)

[@k.jespersen6145]

Oh, gosh, Calanthe's armor. You're utterly correct, there's something wrong with it. I put it down to the cloth-look versions of sleeves: --In a lot of the shots, when you see the shoulder seaming, it highlights where the sleeve and body portions join, in such a way that the weakest areas are big "stab here" targets. --Though the sleeves are obviously padded, they wrinkle in the way of cotton or polyester batting, not in the way of quilted layers of wool/silk/cotton/linen/horsehair/anything actually protective. --They're designed to look sleek. While, yes, Calanthe was very proud of being the LionESS of Cintra, she was also deeply proud of being strong, both mentally and physically. She was often out-toughing even the Skelligan men. These sleeves are designed for elegance, so they make her look physically weak. Calanthe would not have chosen that for battle unless they gave a pronounced advantage in function, which they don't. Thanks for creating this armor review! Instant favorite.

[@chrthiel]

The breastplate also looks kinda like it was vacuformed rather than beaten out of a piece of steel. The soft edges of the not segmentation especially. I'm not sold on the serrated bottom edge of the breast plate either. A bolted on strip of detailed leather or cloth or even lace would have worked better I think. As it is it makes me think of poorly trimmed flashing from the vacuforming process.

[@ianmills9266]

Also, those puldronds, totally far wider than required and didn't cover enough of her upper arms

[@chadtindale2095]

@@chrthiel This was my thought as well. It looks like she bought the Khol's brand armor instead of having an armorer make their warrior queen look large and intimidating. It doesn't look like it was made for her.

[@tallyprestin1881]

I think that the sleeves are meant to be gambeson, though the costume department likely didn't make them to an armor standard. That might be the issue with the sleeves. As to fit, it's possible that it's meant to fit a little wrong... She is a warrior in a fantasy setting where women aren't warriors. It's likely, even as queen, she had "men's" armor altered to fit her better instead of made custom. Perhaps her husband's old armor, or the first set she borrowed while learning to fight. But I don't think any of that is supported by text

[@wyrmiii4231]

I agree and think that part of it is because the most of the breastplate doesn't look like it was made of steel. It looks weaker than that to me.

[@firexheartedxmage]

Actually, Game Ciri's boot heel is still too high for a traditional working cowboy boot. a 1 inch block or slightly tapered heel is standard as to not have your foot slide through your stirrups while in the saddle, anything higher than that can make it harder to remove your foot from the stirrup in case of an emergency dismount. Just give everyone1 inch heels and call it a day!

[@agentmae5490]

as someone who has never seen or played the witcher, and knows not a lot about armor, I like cheese

[@Voondubah]

any self respecting cheese enthusiast plays the witcher 3

[@k.jespersen6145]

@@Voondubah Indeed, given the "Of Dairy and Darkness" quest.

[@Voondubah]

@@k.jespersen6145 Trial of the cheeses? Wonder what Vesemir would say about this?

[@ianmills9266]

@@Voondubah witcher 3 actually had a side quest involving cheese

[@k.jespersen6145]

@@Voondubah XD Probably he'd bring up Geralt's hunt for the zeugl in the Tretogorian trash heap, again.

[@TheFuryKat]

For the armor that feels wrong, I feel like her armpits are too exposed. Like she protects everything so well, yet there’s a vulnerable circle around the armpit/ frontside of the shoulder that just makes that look like a target saying “stab me here to prevent my arms from functioning”

[@CocaColaStan]

I assumed it was because it looks really dirty.

[@halfprince]

It also doesn't look like metal, weirdly enough. It looks like bronze paint airbrushed on plastic. It's also staired down on the chest piece despite being just one piece. People did that because they had multiple pieces, not because it "looked cool" so it comes off as a 3D printed Halloween costume rather than armor.

[@BladeLigerV]

For me it looks like the torso is supposed to look segmented but it realistically looks like one piece with fake segment folds.

[@leafigardens]

Lack of proper weight distribution? Like, it flares out at the very bottom, but that's below the hips, and above that is a metal rectangle with all of the weight hanging off the shoulders.

[@whyjay9959]

Lorica musculata doesn't seem to fit Geralt's character. He's not really looking to impress or compensate.

[@johnnycucumber]

Honestly, when they want Geralt to have abs and pecs, they just say "Henry, take your shirt off." I don't know why they bothered with this.

[@johanneshermansson7630]

On one hand yes, on the other hand it felt to me like it was the first thing he found. He doesn't really care how it looks at all, so fake muscles works if it protects him. Still defo could have gotten that across without the muscles tho.

[@Lurklen]

Yeah, most of the time in the books he didn't wear any armour at all.

[@laikakills6309]

@@Lurklen Yeah, he just wears a jerkin and Hope's he's within riding distance of Nenneke

[@maggiem6209]

I hated that armor and laughed at it for exactly that reason. That's the kind of crap Geralt should have been complaining about as he was forced into it. Geralt would have been utterly unwilling to wear something like that in the game and I'm sad they forced Cavill into it without giving Geralt a throwaway line about looking like an idiot out of one of Jaskier's heroic ballads.

[@МолчаливыйКлинок]

4:41 That`s actually exactly what she did, in the books. That heel most likely was a direct reference to the fact that Ciri spend 2-3 books either on an insanely fast horse with a bad attitude or on a unicorn.

[@Anergyne]

If the Nilfgaardian armor was supposed to be some kind of rag-tag conscript look, I have some serious questions about how it was supposed to have been made in-universe. An armorer would have to go out of his way to create that exact look. That's not something you just stumble into by picking up some mis-matched pieces.

[@hulmhochberg8129]

THIS!!

[@Cotcan]

I'm glad I'm not the only one to have realized this. Like each and every single ridge would have to be especially made and on top of that you want to mass produce them for troops on the battlefield!? There's no way that's gonna happen. Either you run out of money trying or take like a couple decades just building up a supply to use for a single army.

[@virginiafernandez6846]

YES! Thank you!

[@darthplagueis13]

Yeh. If they wanted a cheap, rag-tag look, they should have gone for a wide selection of textile armour. Like, you could absolutely take a load of different-looking gambesons, dye them black and attach a patch with the Nilfgaardian sun symbol somewhere and you would have the general concept.

[@maggiem6209]

RIGHT?! Not to mention it would have taken MORE leather to create such a look than just MAKING NORMAL ARMOR. If they're supposed to be ragtag conscripts they should be scrimping leather strip armor, similar to the metal strip armor that was used to conquer Britain and Ireland. That sort of armor is easily repaired, and easy to put together. Make it out of black leather and it's EVEN CHEAPER.

[@Oli.V]

There have been some great comments pointing out the problems with calanthe’s armor, but I think something that might be getting over looked is the lack of chain mail and resulting lack of depth. Her armor is to obviously just a thin plate and a thick fabric (another comment pointed out that it doesn’t quite move and fold the way batting should), so despite its design (that I really actually like) of very practical armor, it lacks the depth added by layers (none of the plates overlap, the aforementioned lack of chain, faux batting, etc) which makes the viewer understand that there likely isn’t much protection or structure and it reads more like some aluminum than steel. It feels like I could dent it with my thumbs because it has no weight. Edit: another think that Jill points out with the lack of pauldrons is that because the armor is (correctly) convex, any incoming blade that would slide off the breastplate should be stopped by pauldrons, but is instead directed to one of the most artery-filled parts of the body, the underarm. She needs chain or a pauldron or even leather there and without those the breast plate itself feels dangerous to the wearer.

[@thatdrewrivers]

When you said "Running, jumping, climbing trees", I was genuinely hoping for a "putting on makeup while you're up there" as in the Eddie Izzard line :D

[@AndrewD8Red]

Hah! I didn't think anyone else would think that!

[@thatdrewrivers]

@@AndrewD8Red Clearly, Sir. You have taste!

[@JillBearup]

My favourite Eddie Izzard bit is, of course, “Welcome to the Church of England, CAKE OR DEATH?” but this reference fit better 😁

[@thatdrewrivers]

@@JillBearup "A little wine with that, you Nazi shit-head?!" It's always good to meet fellow Eddie fans :D

[@AndrewD8Red]

Maybe a tad inaccurate for a sword channel, but the quote "guns don't kill people, people kill people, and so do monkeys, if they have a gun" could be easily adapted to swords.

[@jackbrooksbank8429]

re: Queen Calanthe - for me it's almost just that the armor looks like its from the wrong time period? Everything else is very high medieval, especially the redesigned nilfgarrdian armor. But for her, the articulated hip pieces, narrower/lighter chest plate, open-face helmet with higher crest, and lack of arm protection just makes me think more of a cuirassier, and it stands out that she looks like she's from a much more modern era than everyone around.

[@Brassur]

I had the same thought, she looks like she'd belong in the Pike and Shot era rather than a vaguely medieval setting.

[@robinrehlinghaus1944]

The witcher is based on the 16th century though

[@stormtemplar97]

Came here to say this. Looks 17th or even early 18th century to me

[@masterofthelag8414]

Was wondering if anyone had thought the same thing, agreed, it looks maybe too modern. Kinda feels she ought to have a saber and a musket with her honestly.

[@chrismath149]

@@robinrehlinghaus1944 That keeps being said, but there are feudal monarchies, there are religious orders, and a whole lot of other things that connect the witcher setting more to medieval than early modern times.

[@adrianwintle5284]

That mouldy potato armour looks like it has so many ways to catch (rather than deflect) a weapon point.

[@stamfordly6463]

Not just weapons, rain and mud too, it would be an absolute bastard to keep clean.

[@andreasschroder7880]

Have the same feeling as you about Calanthe's armor. Guess my main issue is the contrast to the armor of her palace guards. The guards ware wearing full plate, 15th century men-at-arms armor which covers everything but the queen - coming from actual battle, wears nothing but a better cuirass. The second part is that the actress doesn't have the physique of somebody who spend a lot of time in battle. It's a little like with Mark Addy as Robert Baratheon. Even plate armor "hangs" (lack of better term) from the body and if the body doesn't fit the role the armor will only pronounce any lack of physical competence. Counterexample: Brienne of Tarth in the early episodes of Game of Thrones. The armor fit so badly that sometimes the shoulder protection got stuck behind the cuirass but Gwendoline Christie just radiated so much physical competence that at least I didn't mind.

[@Vesperitis]

Speaking as someone who just finished Elden Ring... A series reviewing fantasy armor that has a LOT of potential.

[@bopperstopper]

So much good (and hilariously hideous) armor in that game. The Cleanrot armor set is my favorite by far.

[@isaachepworth7860]

@@TheTutch Only some Skyrim armour is that bad. Unfortunately most of the bad stuff is the female armour.

[@Valandar2]

@@isaachepworth7860 To be fair, while it exists, not a lot of Skyrim armor is as bad as, say, TERA armor... Female Skyrim heavy armor usually at least covers as much as the male versions.

[@isaachepworth7860]

@@Valandar2 This is true, but I've not played TERA, and while you're mostly right about heavy armour, and the same is mostly true for light the really bad stuff is the Ancient Nord Armour. The Royal Vampire armour also has problems for the female version.

[@yfir1463]

@@Valandar2 Complaining about the armor in Tera is just fucking stupid, it's clearly not intended to be '' realistic ''. There also is plenty of full armor for female characters and revealing armor for male characters, people just look at a few screenshots then judge it. But regardless of that it honestly just makes people sound like idiots when they unironically act like games like Tera are intended to be realistic, there's no rule in fantasy that makes it mandatory to aim for realism. And Eastern fantasy in particular usually aims to distort reality and make things unrealistic on purpose.

[@jonathanvernon7251]

I have to say that I really appreciate how quickly and succinctly you present your material. No endless waffling. No lengthy digressions. No need to crank the speed up to x1.5 to keep things moving at a reasonable pace. (This is just one of the reasons you are on my very short list of subscribed channels!) That may be an odd complement, but one I feel needs to be given!

[@JillBearup]

Confession: I watch nearly all non-musical KZbin videos on at least 1.5x :D

[@MsTalia1]

On Ciri's boots... no heel! (with the same energy as Edna Mode's "no capes")

[@kimbelinag]

Except horseback riding = mandatory heel. It can be a small heel, but mandatory nonetheless.

[@Mokiefraggle]

@@kimbelinag I've been an equestrienne, and while I will say that a heel is needed, Ciri's heels in Witcher 3 are inappropriate fashion heels, not riding heels. Like, even Jill's comparison to cowboy boots is actually kind of off, as those heels are too narrow and pointy for that. Cowboy boots tend to have relatively square-ish heels, with only a little narrowing, and they're not anywhere near that long if they're for practical use; my cowboy boots I used for show riding had maybe an inch of very blocky heel, and I honestly rode casually in riding sneakers, which had considerably less.

[@kimbelinag]

@@Mokiefraggle I can't comment on Ciri's heels directly, but would agree 3 inches is extreme. I just flashed back to one riding instructor who told us if we showed up in sneakers that we'd be sent home. I've ridden western with no heels, but probably wouldn't ride english without at least a bit of a heel.

[@Mokiefraggle]

@@kimbelinag The ones I had were like if you mixed an 80s hi-top sneaker with a paddock boot, and had a heel about on par with your average English-style riding boot. Not a literal, flat-soled sneaker. I loved them, in part because I have a god-awful time finding boots to fit me (I have small but very wide, and very flat feet), and these fit me comfortably. Plus, they were a terrific shade of turquoise that was just kind of my jam back then. My sneakers went with my horse's halter and lead, and even with his bridle...it was a theme. Admittedly, I was mostly inclined to ride Western, as the few times I'd tried an English saddle, I had all kinds of issues. Couldn't maintain "heels down, toes in" position, kept falling forward no matter how deep I sat...I was a mess the times my instructors got me to try English seat. I was much more interested in doing things like reining and barrel racing.😅

[@eileen1020]

The first thing we see Ciri do in the game is take a hard fall in the woods. I think it’s supposed to be because she wasn’t looking where she was going while running, but I say it’s because those heels are totally unsuited for the terrain.

[@DrDeFord]

Re: Queen’s armor- I think it’s the edges? The whole thing looks like thin plastic costume armor (which it admittedly probably is), but metal armor usually has rolled edges, and her breastplate seems to just be cut off and un-terminated.

[@Kashak666]

Actually, yes! I thought it looks too fragile, but couldnt pin it.

[@familykletch5156]

That and lack of coverage to armpits and upper arms.

[@tenjenk]

it has that sheer metal look from stamp cut metal sheets.

[@TheBaconWizard]

Yep, looks like it was cut out of verrrry thin tin, and then just stamped with those flutes. It's like bargain-basement $20 armour, buy on get one free in our amazing weekend deal armour.

[@dawlben2247]

To me that looks like plastic and not metal

[@ganymedemlem6119]

For Queen Calanthe's armor, for me it doesn't visually mesh. The spaulders, curais, and bracers all seem to have a slightly different finish and style that they don't quite pull together for the aesthetic they seem to be going for.

[@thetruth-hl7ct]

No boob space.

[@CorwynGC]

You went REALLY easy on the nerf guarder armor. It looks like someone took cloth, wrinkled it, dipped it in plastic, and made a semi-articulated doll from it. It meets neither of the two design criteria set out for it. It wouldn't allow any combat movement, has way too many place where a spear or sword could catch and allow it to be pushed around, and is hideous to boot.

[@JillBearup]

Yeah but…no wedge heels or boob plates 😁😁😁 it is absolutely the ugliest thing though.

[@Aefweard]

I always thought the wrinkles was trying to give a nod to the flame. Not very successfully mind you, but, they tried?

[@Mokiefraggle]

@@Aefweard It feels more like someone was trying to make organic armor in the vein of "looks like it was grown like a plant" to me. Like, that could be vines, or roots growing throughout and over the armor, but I don't know if I get anything that says "flame" to me. Just tentacle-y weirdness. It might make sense if it were made with magic (like, if Fringilla were working on some kind of special, organic, magical armor for Nilfgaard), but...not so much for if the aim was "thrown together, grab-it-and-go hodgepodge."

[@servahnlynch1735]

they looked like shit aesthetically. plus they were an empire, they should at least look liked pimped knights or something

[@killerpussy84]

😂😂 "nerf guard" 🤣🤣

[@Julia-lk8jn]

I just ❤💗💖 the ranking system being adapted to the show. "sit in the corner and brood" just seems _such_ a Gerald of Rivia thing. I'd swear that was his default activity when for once he has nothing to do.

[@Goodgu3963]

I actually really like the look of the Nilfgaardian armor. IF! it was in a high-tech scifi movie. It has an almost organic (moldy potato) style to it that I think wouldn't be out of place as a sort of ultra advanced organic-carbon or something. Especially if those wrinkles were part of some sort of high tech dispersion field or cloak tech. Someone turn that into space soldier armor! lol

[@JillBearup]

I like your positivity! 😁

[@AndrewBlack343]

It looks like someone was much too influenced by the still-suits from Dune. Which had a purpose for the pipes _and weren't armour_

[@daanwilmer]

Indeed! It would totally fit in one of the Stargate series!

[@adrianwebster6923]

@@daanwilmer It certainly has the cheap syfy channel budget feel.

[@RijackiTorment]

It's almost as if the "alien" aspect of the brief for the armor overtook all other considerations. I agree, it wouldn't look out of place in a movie where the army is demonstrably from a different planet or dimension, but that needs an additional indication other than just the very uniform and not ragtag armour of the army.

[@jamesanderson6769]

The biggest thing about the queens armor is that it curves up to her neck with no protection once it gets there. A blow, be it arrow, sword or lance that hits her upper torso is going to be deflected into her neck. So she either needs a gorget, or at least have the breastplate end lower so a deflected blow would slide into the gambonson and stop. The armor also goes very high near her neck and doesn't seem to have a rolled edge. A rolled edge would also help stoo blows from sliding up, but it also helps protect you from your armor. With it being so high, any wrong move, even bending over to quickly, is gonna jam the armor into her throat.

[@notoriouswhitemoth]

... why do the people who are supposed to look like they couldn't afford a designer the only ones wearing a uniform, and why does their uniform look like it was sculpted out of a half-rotted hollow tree...

[@jennifermccrary1570]

Henry Cavil didn't just complain that the first set of armor wasn't just uncomfortable; he had limited arm mobility to the point he couldn't draw the sword.

[@Botjer1]

I think the weirdness of queen calanthes armor is that is isnt a breastplate. I actually think that it is a backplate they have used...

[@patuccaneven8027]

Yep it’s tipical gothic backplate

[@GuildWars2Ranma]

I just googled "backplate armor" and one of the top image results is eerily similar.

[@JillBearup]

😂😂😂 amazing

[@AndrewBlack343]

Well it was early, it was dark, she put it on in a hurry. Who hasn't put something on inside out or back-to-front at some point?

[@ianmills9266]

@@patuccaneven8027 you just gave me a mental image of boobplate on her back now......I hate you.

[@spencergreen3581]

The queens armor reminds me of Riding gear that you'd see much later, kind of a cross between Napoleonic Officer attire and plate armor. So maybe it's that it's not of the same time frame as the other armors in the show and hers has a much more modern design

[@therac197]

You mean 17th century armor? Like her officers look straight up like French cuirassirs from the 30 years war

[@Sardothien]

I have some thoughts about Calanthe’s armor and why it looks a little off. Firstly, the breastplate seems a hair large, and the rest of it seems a little small. The edges of the breastplate extend far enough to limit her mobility just a little. Perhaps trimming down the breastplate and extending the spaulders and tassets just a little to compensate would improve it. Also, her breastplate looks slightly dished in the middle. Most historical plate armor has a somewhat pointed chest to deflect incoming stabs. The redesigned Nilfgaardian armor is an excellent example. This seems to be missing it and it looks slightly weird to me. Thoughts? Edit: fixed autocorrect and grammar.

[@quantumwitcher]

I think it's the lighting in the first photo of the armor that makes it look dished inward; assuming it's the same design with the second (battlefield) photo with only a color change, it's slightly concave all the way, though definitely lesser in curvature compared to other breastplates you're thinking of.

[@RoronoaEmi]

I actually feel like the breastplate is "a little tight across the chest." (hawhaw Gimli) There's no outward bevel to the breastplate and that instantly makes me think it would be difficult to move and breathe in. It seems _too_ flat, like they wanted to absolutely make sure there was no accusation of boob armor and it failed in the other direction. The spaulders are also too flat, like upside down dishware just sitting on her shoulders. I would have liked to see more metal plates running down the arm, and formed to fit and better protect. The spaulders in the series may stop a direct downward strike but nothing else. Her underarm is right there for the stabbing. A gorget of some kind would be fantastic as well (though I am seeing _something_ protective around her neck on horseback). I could forgive the breastplate more easily if there was more general arm coverage.

[@timogul]

@@RoronoaEmi Yeah, it just does seem super flat, like more flat than I would expect from male plate, not just "not boobies." If it just had a simple teardrop bowing, a bit like a ship's hull seen from below, to it then it might look better.

[@Prizzlesticks]

@@RoronoaEmi That's exactly what I was thinking. Like they overcorrected to avoid boob armor and instead didn't take her chest into account at all, nor the practicality of a more pointed breastplate you see in most plate armor. There's a practical purpose for that, from being able to, you know... expand your lungs and breathe, to deflecting blows. If you've got breasts, a little extra room in the chest is also probably nice. It also looks really... sleek. But not in a good way. In the way I worry about her getting hurt just wearing her armor for lack of any padding. Add to that the sense there's something not quite perfect in the fitting, and man. I hope the actress didn't end up bruised.

[@darthplagueis13]

To add to the general design issue, the helmet doesn't fit in. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad helmet, but it's super anachronistic. Most of the witcher seems to be set in the high medieval, maybe the early 15th century, but her helmet seems to be based on a Zischägge, which is a design that only shows up in the 17th century.

[@daltigoth3970]

I haven't watched much of the show, so I can't comment on the "character" part of this, but I think the "rotten potato" armor could have some camouflage effect in certain environments. Lay down in some mud at the base of a dark tree or something and you could blend in with the trunk, especially at night. So it could be designed that way on purpose if that fits with the environment they usually fight in. On the other hand, it could certainly pass as being "alien" armor if the weird designs on it actually served some purpose (magic runes or whatever) or if the armor were made from chitin or the carapace of some otherworldly creature. But if you are going for a "ragtag" look, the armors should not be fully matched sets and some should probably even be missing pieces.

[@RuteL]

I once read that when you're going for camouflage you should never go for anything totally black, even if you're trying to hide in the dark. Or any completely uniform color, if I recall correctly, but black especially because it is not a color often found in nature. It makes for a distinct silhouette, which both animal and human brains are built to pick out at a glance. In the dark a person won't be able to make out the rotten-potato texture, but with any sliver of light they'll be able to make out a human shape darker than anything they might be trying to hide against - unless they find a wall as dark as the armor or try to hide in a tar pit. That's why modern camouflage is various tones in splotches. The color is so you don't stand out in the environment, but the pattern is also important to break the clean silhouette - it tricks the brain so at a glance it won't parse out the person's shape.

[@daltigoth3970]

@@RuteL You are correct with everything you said, for the most part, but those are general rules that have some strong exceptions. You don't want to wear solid black because it doesn't exist in nature and true black will stand out amongst softer blacks, especially when observed from a short distance. However, the armor in question is not black, it is a dark grey. Additionally, soft blacks and greys are used in camouflage in streaks or stripe-like patterns to disrupt the other colors in the camouflage, which serves different purposes depending on distance - at long range it masks your numbers, as it makes it difficult to separate the shapes of camouflaged creatures that are moving as a group, at mid-range it makes it harder to separate a camouflaged creature from the similarly colored environment around them, and at close range the black stripes/streaks help it blend with shadows. A mix of colors is preferred for camouflage so that you can blend in with the colors of the environment, but if you are in an environment that doesn't have much color, or are performing operations in very low-light environments, then textured dark solids can be a better option, as long as they aren't darker than the shadows. Likewise, if you are changing environments frequently, a dark-colored outfit could be a more universally useful option over a color-patterned outfit. A murky swamp, for example, could be a great environment for this type of armor to camouflage in. There isn't a lot of color, just a lot of drab browns and some greens, while the texture of the armor causes mud and environmental debris to cling to it. If they then move into a brightly colored jungle environment, they can still cover the armor with mud and let it pick up debris from the jungle plants, creating a natural camouflage effect.

[@blokey8]

I think the issue there is that if you're going for camouflage, you'd make like the rangers of LotR. Light armour under tough fabric, that sort of thing. The Nilfgardians are still an army of conquest and frontal assaults, from what I've seen in the show.

[@Belphegorite]

With the plastic texture and wrinkly black look, it would be effective camouflage if one were to dive into a pile of trash bags. I guess the only reference point they had for "rag-tag" was the modern hobo?

[@Julia-lk8jn]

@@blokey8 I was thinking of LotR, too! Only of the elven cloaks. Even without elvish magic, a greyish dark greenish cloak & hood could be made at a fraction of those weird folds in the uniforms.

[@TiberiusDarkforge]

Calanthe's armor looks to be confused between being a single-piece breastplate, or several tightly aligned plates. If it's a single-piece, why the horizontal lines? They don't achieve anything, and aren't particularly appealing aesthetically. If it's actually several pieces of plate, they're too tightly placed to allow for any flex and I presume would actually be detrimental to the wearer, unless the padding underneath is reasonable. I also agree that the lack of sufficient shoulder/upper arm protection grates. The fact that you can see the stitching where the arm padding joins at the body on the grey/silver armor almost advertises the fact of "stab me here".

[@hamstermk4]

I came to write this, but you beat me to it. Those multiple plate designs are there to allow flexibility at the waist without sacrificing the protection of plate at the stomach area. However the fluting is at a diagonal to where the plates join, removing the ability to twist at the hip and also the ability to bend at the hip without changing up the alignment of the fluting. The armor forces her body into a position where the shoulders can not move independently from the hips thus robbing the wearer of the ability to generate power for a sword swing.

[@NightRavenGSA01]

I think it was meant to look like several pieces but for (probably ease of production) reasons minimized the actual number of pieces involved, the upper portions on the "dirty" armor MAY be actual separate pieces, but near the hips seems more like ribbing to give the impression of articulation as opposed to actually being separate segments. And even then the upper portions also look more like a one piece construction trying to look like multiple plates joined together. The "clean" (and also more silver looking?) armor has far more convincing articulation, at least in stills. And yes, I'm differentiating them because for continuity reasons the "dirty" and "clean" appearances of the armor are almost certainly two entirely separate suits

[@alexanderb5726]

I've been looking for a more specific analysis of Witcher amor, great stuff. Personally I think accounting for the canon fighting styles of different Witcher schools also factor into what type of armor, and how much of it a certain Witcher will have. The Wolves are known for being agile and precise fighters that prefer balanced brawn and skill in combat, but it'd be more likely to find helmets with say, the school of the Bear who are known to favor very heavy armor as they fight with full reliance on strength and deadly blows, they are also known to take on monster contracts that others are afraid to even look at. Witchers are also supernaturally strong and durable, with superhuman senses and peformance, which by default somewhat decreases need for overbearing protection, especially Geralt given that he showed unseen before resiliance to the mutagen used to make Witchers so he was given additonal doses which resulted in his distinct white hair. Meaning he's the best Witcher out there for a reason. So him favoring comfort and mobility over steel caps and waist armor can be seen as fully logical imo.

[@Iowa2006]

Wouldn't being naturally stronger and durable just cause escalation to the point you do need armor and helmet? If I was strong and durable enough to fight a bear naked and withstand a crocodile's bite to my skull, I would not be picking fights with bears and crocodiles. I'd be going against claws and teeth that make these animals look like kittens. And against those I would want extra layers of protection.

[@tyrannosaurusimperator]

@@Iowa2006 The problem is that witchers tend to work alone and everyone hates them, so any armor they have, they have to be able to put on and take off themselves. They also need to be able to move fast and travel light, so they would favor lighter armors.

[@alexanderb5726]

@@Iowa2006 They are made this way to be able to have an easier time with the monsters they do hunt. To go after things that makes "them look like kittens" would be challenging fate and a Witchers goal isn't a glorious death. On the contrary they seem to have quite the survivalist philosophy.

[@alangarde2928]

I am so glad you included alternative 'stab me in the belly please' Ciri!

[@JillBearup]

WHY, CIRI, WHY.

[@alangarde2928]

@@JillBearup annnnnnnnd don't even get me started on alternative Tris! That outfit is NOT suitable for walking around filthy Novigrad streets.

[@Anergyne]

@@alangarde2928 When you need to smuggle mage refugees out of the city at six, but you have a fancy gala at eight.

[@88porpoise]

@@alangarde2928 I can accept mages doing and wearing things that would be incredibly imprqctical for muggles. Style, poise, etc are quite often important elements of mages so them investing effort into it makes sense. They also don't need to worry about many practicalities that can be overcome with magic.

[@alangarde2928]

@@88porpoise I'd still worry about someone stepping on that trail! Maybe she has pixies keeping people away from it.

[@Gizur01]

Love the series, hoping for another episode soon! On high heels, I can't remember if they have saddles and stirrups in the Witcher (might have to go back and look). The high heels were part of Persian design to allow for better stability while riding and were a men only thing, imported into Europe through the Silk Road. It wasn't until much later they became a fashion statement that women adopted and men shunned. Or so I gathered from a shoe Historian on You're Dead to me. So, IF all the witchers had them it would make some sort of sense..though wouldn't what you gained in the saddle be lost in stability in ground combat?....but if it's only Ciri then no, there's no reason why she would have them other than a game designed again getting it wrong for "reasons".

[@ponderingpuddlespensively]

I'm pretty clueless when it comes to armor, (and the Witcher in general) but with Queen Calanthe, I think something's off about the overall balance. She's got the long breastplate, but the stubby little spaulders, and those don't quite go together. The fluting pulls my eyes down to her midriff. If I try to follow it up, it goes right off the armor. Maybe strategically shaped shoulder pieces could be used to redirect that line towards her face. That being said, lion themed armor for a queen is awesome and I love how utilitarian the idea behind it is.

[@xenon8117]

4:37 Ok yeah you’re right but the scene where she slays the basilisk and is standing on it with those boots is just great. I love the boots.

[@ThePixiixiq]

I think what strikes me with the Calanthe armor is the plasticky-look of it. It's almost like they did give it a top layer wash but forgot all the layers that goes underneath. Those that give depth and chang the feel of the material from brand new. It's not all of it but it ... irks me.

[@j.f.fisher5318]

IMO the issue with Calanthe's armor is that it's from the wrong time period. From the awkward time around the Napoleonic era when guns were good enough that armor was practically useless but not so good as to render pikes, lances, and swords completely obsolete so armor was still needed. The helmet in particular hails from that era. Sticking it in a medeval-ish swords and sorcery fantasy feels wrong. I'm operating under the assumption that the cuirass is ariculated (it looks like it is, anyway) so the breastplate probably isn't too long, but is maybe too short since typically in that era the whole chest would be covered with a single piece of steel with faulds below. Instead they made it look almost like lorica segmentata with wider segments. p.s. I love your tier titles.

[@nightbunny1599]

As others have said, the problem with Calanthe's armour seems to be that there's not enough under it. Even a sturdy uniform jacket would look more convincing. A bit more coverage on the upper arms, at least, would be good too.

[@StubieWan]

I love your keen eye. I miss a lot of the detail watching the series. My eye does fall victim to the trickery of Hollywood. You pick up on so much. Easily one of my top 3 KZbinrs. You, Tom Scott and Colin Furze. All amazing

[@Kashak666]

wrt Calanthe's armor: I think it is the "theatrical gambeson" (looks way too thin) and absence of chainmail. Also, wrt s2 Geralt armor.. What is the purpose of those rivets? It might look better to some eyes, but when the s1 brigandine looked tattered and _functional_ this one looks like cheap cosplay "studded leather" armor to me.

[@adedow1333]

I agree. It's far too light and shaped ever so slightly wrong all at once. It's like the armor from a Knight's Tale, where it just doesn't look like it will do the job, but they don't take the time to defend the lightness and efficacy of the alloy. And the proportions of the breastplate to the rest of the offering are not correct either.

[@JillBearup]

Right? Honestly I like the s2 shoulders better and I think the trousers are different (and nicer) but the breastplate is just…eh.

[@lisahuber9329]

if that leather sixpack was supposed to make up for the lack of bath tub scenes just stab me now lol

[@TheArklyte]

Rivets serve as a way to connect metal braces underneath to black cloth covering them on top? Like actual brigantine? That was mistaken in the first place for said "studded leather" that makes you faint? And that is done for the same reason we coat infantry soldier equipment nowadays - to prevent light deflection to alert the enemy and to protect it from corrosion?

[@Trygon]

@@TheArklyte But he was talking about season 2? Where he isn't wearing a brigandine? And is wearing studded leather? Making the mistake yours? And your added explanation of the function of armor in a conversation of people who clearly already know a bit about the subject especially superfluous?

[@therussianprincess7036]

With Calanthe’s breastplate it kinda gives a vibe of one of those cheap plastic plates with no waist articulation and a lightly embossed design you find for Halloween or in a middle school play or something. The whole silhouette with the shoulder guards looks like one of those costumes. At least that’s my take on it…

[@draughtoflethe]

Yes, exactly, it looks like the costume department picked it up from Spirit Halloween and covered it with metallic-finish spray paint, then tried to pass it off as steel plate mail.

[@slightlyembittered]

I think "Just stab me now" would look great as a T-shirt. But on second thought, a T-shirt would also be terrible armor.

[@FlamingSwordOfDoom]

very meta

[@appelofdoom8211]

Make sure to have a version that’s on like a tube top. Just to increase your vunerability to stabbing by 20%

[@OccultVettr]

Well I'd say it fall more into the "not actually armor" category

[@TheKevphil]

New Sub! You're very good at this whole weapons & armour stuff Very unique, and your accent: 'Tis awesome, lassie!

[@claudiamastroianni4300]

After reading some comments I guess there’s even more wrong with Calanthe’s armor than I thought. :-D My feeling was that it’s too close-fitting to be useful. As I understand it, there should be some layering or space to plate, not just plate boxing you right in. There should be room to articulate your torso a bit in there, and it doesn’t look like she has that. My understanding above is contradicted a bit by Batman-style muscle sculptured armor, but I still think it’s approximately right. Calanthe looks too constrained for the level of protection that outfit is giving her. If it’s going to be that light, it should be much more maneuverable than it seems to be.

[@samuelleask1132]

The designs of the Bear School armour from Witcher 3 are amazing. Great video!

[@M.M.Y.B]

As a viewer, my favorite character is Calanthe. She strikes me as strong, not only in her physical sense, but also emotionally and in her convictions. I think I would have loved to see variations of her armor, as she was a warrior queen, and would have had a parade armour, a battle armour, and whatnot. I really love how she enters her dinner hall with armor, but appropriately changes into a dress for the formal setting (though she made a point of being seen armor first). Anyways I agree, but my full opinion is simply: More Calanthe please!

[@joshlepage488]

9:20 I think it's a combination of 1. It looks like plastic 2. Lacks upper arm protection (like not even something on her elbows or mail) It just doesn't look in general like what a warrior queen from a fairly rich kingdom would be wearing in combat and looks almost ceremonial idk though could just be me

[@peternouwen]

The problem seems to be: A lack of neck-protection. This is a metal shirt.

[@jamesanderson6769]

I agree. I look at it and blows to the upper torso are going to be deflected straight into the neck.

[@thejasminedragonmerchant6843]

Are there no neck corsets or gorgets in the Witcher universe? I feel like at least a few people could use one.

[@jamesanderson6769]

@@thejasminedragonmerchant6843 some people have them.

[@stonefox2546]

My two cents, probably someone already said it: - Lack of gorget - the guy in the riding shot has one, why doesn't the queen? There's not even a place for it to attach on the breastplate. Or is there maybe a collar of sorts at 9:46? If that's actually protective it seems pretty choking. - There should be some rondels or better yet, maille to protect the armpits Points for the apparent articulation in the hem of the breastplate though. And her helmet is pretty much 1:1 the same as Casca's, to the point that it makes me wonder if it's intentional or just a coincidence - Miura and whoever designed the stuff in Witcher drawing from the same source - but it makes me happy.

[@JonnesTT]

I think the problem with calanthes armor is that it looks like the pieces themselves were produced well, but cobbled together on the battlefield and now she sticks with that because that's what her men know she looks like. ... Whereass the nilfguardian armor looks like they stapled soft leather onto wooden plates but they took great care to construct a very uniform look.

[@MisterPunch19]

I, as a armored combat (SCA) enthusiast and all around nerd, love your armor review videos. I think it is the near complete lack of arm protection that makes her armor hit the brain wrong... Give her an elbow cop or a rerebrace or something. Completely unrelated there is a character in Apex Legends that always makes me think of you, her name is Horizon and you should have a look at her Terra Nova armor skin, and see what you think of it.

[@pdxstorm]

Calathe's armor might gap too much around the armpit. I get that she needs room to move when fighting, but there always seems to be room to stick a sword in.

[@adedow1333]

True, but the neck and armpits of plate armor are known weak spots for precisely that reason

[@kenbrown2808]

it actually gaps too little. it will limit her mobility too much to swing a sword without getting hurt by her own armor.

[@dagroth123]

a few points from my perception that you may approve of about the, mystifying armor. 1- the center, has a ravine that would deflect an arrow upwards into her chin: unideal. 2- the sides of it look segmented but the center of it does not. 3- the neck has no guard, either from plate, chain, leather or cloth. 4- there does appear to be chain under that plate and armor but, it's covered in leather. this is, functionally backwards.

[@Wordsnwood]

First off, I do like cheese. Thank you for putting that in your polls. 😉 Second, as someone who has not read the books or played the game, my wife and I quite enjoyed both seasons of The Witcher. Season 2, thankfully, had less cringe-inducing gratuitous nudity. Definitely an intricate plot to try to unravel. Henry Cavill does a great job of conveying so much with his loud rumbling sighs.

[@k.jespersen6145]

XD The cringe-inducing gratuitous nudity was unfortunately completely in the spirit of the books. If you ever do choose to read the series, gird your loins!

[@markkringle9144]

Recommend you read the books. Even better than the series, and they're not long books. Surprisingly short for a fantasy novel.

[@Wordsnwood]

@@markkringle9144 Next on the reading list...

[@susanne5803]

I wonder where Cavill's witcher would go on my personal Groot Scale: most meaning with least vocalization ... (Haven't yet watched more than the first episode. Currently watching Korra and finishing X-Files. And yes: all seasons of it!)

[@gideongrace1977]

This video and this channel is so invaluable as a writing resource! THANK YOU!

[@macmay3042]

Before you said it in the video, I was looking at Calanthe and thinking... that doesn't look like it's fitted to her. Note I'm definitely NOT saying her breastplate should have been boobplate, I like that it doesn't have stylized mammaries, that's a point in its favor. It just feels like she went to an armory and found armor pieces that were close enough and put them on, instead of having armor custom-made to her measurements, as you'd think a Queen would have. Which feels like a bit of a nitpick but I think is a valid story criticism. There are absolutely characters who would grab some armor and throw it on for reasons and in those cases it would look weird if it looked like it was made for them. But her armor should have been made for her. She should move in it well and fluidly, and I don't think it looks like she does here. Part of it could be as ephemeral as, maybe the actress herself didn't spend enough time practicing wearing it before shooting, and even if it does fit well she doesn't walk like she's comfortable in it, which Calanthe would be.

[@jodieg6318]

And you just went over all my issues with video game Ciri: a leather corset do not armor make and 3 inch heels aside you’re the only person that has talked about how long the corset it and would impede her leg movement.

[@whyjay9959]

The old Nilfgaardian armor looks like they took plate armor and glued wrinkled leather on it. Reminded me of a video I saw of a sword grip being made with leather over cord over wood, held together with glue. I suppose that would protect against rust and maybe cushion blows from blunt weapons? Though the wrinkles should probably be more dense for the latter.

[@ladywaffle2210]

If you look closely at Ciri's exposed shoulder, you can see a bra strap. Something I just noticed

[@Fireclaws10]

Ciri’s armour in the games is absolutely not functional as armour, i thought the chainmail one especially sucked. As far as the reasoning goes though, she doesn’t need to wear armour like a normal witcher. The gift of the Elder Blood means she just teleports around and doesn’t get hit. The other women in the games like the Skellige wear more or less what the men do. As far as Calanthe goes though, it just looks cobbled together. It looks crap compared to what a ruler would wear. It’s ill fitting, you could fit an entire spear between her shoulder and those pauldrons, she has cloth on her arms? She’s the queen. She can pay for the best looking stuff, gilded and all that, and she gets garbage.

[@githane]

Regards to Calanthe's armor, it looks really tight. Like the plate was make to fit like a corset. It doesn't have that bulkier appearance you get from other plate mail in the series. The design for both sets honestly just... is boring and not something you'd expect a queen to wear. Almost like they wanted to keep her slim and feminine without going boob armor route? For Ciri's main outfit in Witcher 3, my biggest issue would be how flexible exactly, are those skin tight leather pants? Her play style/combat style is pure speed, since she can basically port around and hit several people in a second. Any real armor for her would likely reduce her mobility, which is her core style. Rotten potatoes? hah, spot on. I was thinking naked mole rats or something. Terrible armor. Loved this vid!

[@nicholasbenjamin3826]

Calanthe...what she's got is great. It's just weird to see elaborate torso protection that doesn't extend to the upper arms. Even Norman chain mail t-shirts protected there. The vambraces hurt the "she needs lighter armor because she's a girl" argument. Vambraces on the forearms are incredibly tiring. An ounce there feels like a couple pounds on the torso Light-weight arm armor for her would probably be some mail to fill the gaps around her shoulders, an elbow piece, and gauntlets, not vambraces that will weigh her down, and primarily protect her from flesh wounds.

[@senorelroboto2]

6:59 moldy potatoes aren't what I was thinking looking at that texture, but I guess that's a more family friendly description

[@invaderkendall]

I never knew my life was missing the magic of an irish brogue saying "cowboy boots"

[@randomvielleuse527]

I'm a fan of underbust corsets because, being pretty small in the bust department I can't find overbusts that fit reasonably, but I get your point about protecting and supporting the bust. MY real problem with this corset is that she's wearing it over trousers. Lowering and raising trousers for bathroom needs with a corset involved is tricky at best and near impossible at worst. At least, that's how I've found it. Maybe I'm missing a crucial skill here? If I am, please fill me in! I'd love to know. As always, love your videos!

[@elsalaiho1699]

I would like to humbly ask that if you ever make more of these armor review videos, you would review from BBC Merlin Percival's usual armor as well as the armor Morgana wears in S3E7 "The Castle of Fyrien" (mostly because those two are the ones that I personally mostly have Opinions about, and I would like to hear what someone likes you who actually knows what she's talking about thinks of them. Otherwise I feel like the armor in the show, at least as far as Arthur and the knights of Camelot are concerned, the armors tend to fall pretty solidly into the "ehh, could be worse but could be a lot better too" territory and I don't know if there's much to say about them. But Percival's armor and Morgana in s3e7, those are the ones I'd really love to see you pick apart 😄)

[@jacob_90s]

7:30 If they're meant to look thrown together then WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!?!?!?!?!?!? 8:20 Thank you!

[@WarmLillie]

I love a good bag, helps carries your weapon.

[@scelonferdi]

Regarding Geralts armor (any of them): According to the book he doesn't have any. He's just wearing black clothes. For the game it's obviously a gameplay decision. Funily enough, the Witcher 1 has only different jackets until you get Raven's armor, which is noted as special due to being (implied: the only) armor that's compatible with witcher fighting styles. Game 2 just threw the notion out of the window and for some reason the series is depicting armored witchers too.

[@MainlyHuman]

Armour suggestion: the Judge's armour from Dredd

[@johnnyjohnson6643]

Maybe compare the Dredd armour to the Judge Dredd armour, to keep it a little more interesting? Although I’m perfectly happy to just get a short video highlighting that the Dredd costumes are perfect in every way.

[@cruachan1191]

I'd happily just watch 10 minutes of Jill talking about Dredd with Karl Urban growling "yeah" after every point.

[@tyrannosaurusimperator]

What's the point of wearing body armor if it can't even stop pistol caliber bullets? I can understand Dredd getting shot with a judge's gun (with armor piercing ammo), but Anderson's completely failing in the same spot from a mundane pistol?

[@LeVraiPoio]

Out of what you pointed at, to me, Calanthe's armor main problem is the "bullet proof vest" cut. The front is plain flat, not redirecting hits anywhere. It doesn't reduce at waist, in terms of weight distribution that cuirasse seems bad.

[@JeiFaeKlubs]

I'm not an expert, but I feel like Calanthe's armour looks odd because of the shoulder pieces. They kind of float above her shoulders and I don't like how the shape has a little bit of a wave to it. It messes swith the silhouette and makes her shoulders look small. The brestplate also seems to have some dents in it that make it feel like someone hugged her a little too enthusiastically :D

[@Mr.SpaceWalrus6192]

Personal gripe with it is the separate pieces for the gambeson. not because it is made that way, but the loose connection leaving the entire front of the shoulder open. That is ignoring that the entire thing looks like pvc that has been shaped and painted. I've done that to make Uruk-Hai armor and it works well while being inexpensive, but it's super difficult to get rid of that plastic look

[@daaaah_whoosh]

I've heard the Nilfgaardian armor was meant to look mass-produced, to give them a look of, like, a huge empire that doesn't have the money to armor its soldiers effectively. To me though, I figure they could've gotten the same idea if they'd made them look like WW1 soldiers. Puttees, wool uniforms belted at the waist, and a helmet. Maybe a cloak. And give officers a breastplate. You know it'll never stop a sword or an arrow onscreen anyway, so why give them armor at all?

[@danielrosen2219]

None of the Ciri armor sets are armor. The leather is just clothing, you need leather to be very thick and hardened for it to be armor. Geralt in TW1 spends half the game without any armor and when he gets armor it is special to be light. Ciri's abilities from her elder blood are her defense.

[@MaMastoast]

I think the queen's armor looks like a piece of roleplaying gear rather than actual armor.. It's like a very basic simplistic idea of what plate armor should look like. The shoulder armor fit is awkward and she doens't have any arm armor at all... The chestpiece looks hard to move in and is very thin.. It kinda looks like what you'd expect from armor designed for a child's playset

[@professeurgideere5856]

5:05 "Obviously if she survived a wound there, she doesn't need armor here !"

[@bomblessdodongo3093]

The issues I noticed with Calanthe’s Armor is that it’s too firm fitted despite it length being fine (it doesn’t bow out enough to effectively use it fluting/deflect thrusts) and the armpit area is exposed enough that it’s akin to a glowing red video game weakpoint. The helmet is actually the best compromise between needing to show the actors face and not being unprotected. The biggest thing I realized when looking at that screenshot though is that Calanthe’s armor looks like someone made cheap costume armor but made with better materials.

[@sawomirwojcik9675]

Queen Calanthe's armour design is obviously based on Polish Hussar armour (sans dubiously historical wings) and lighter inner arm protection is probably derived from there. My main issue with it is that's a queen's armour and yet the chestpiece is incredibly plain, much more so than any of her knights, save for some minimal lion-themed decoration. I also don't love how the fluting leads directly into exposed armpits, effectively guiding glancing blows into a weak spot.

[@seanpoore2428]

The queens armor is alittle low but it's sectioned so it could move with her body, also I think you're right about her arms being the problem visually

[@kirstinmckeown3581]

I don't have the appropriate vocabulary, but there's thing I see with Calanthe's armour: first, the armscye (armhole) looks so high cut that it would hurt to put her arms down--ever had a bra that just rode up into your armpits and then stabbed you with the wire when you moved? I don't think an edge would be much of an improvement. Second, the shoulder cap thingies are very awkwardly attached, in a way that neither offers more protection nor more mobility. They seem to be attached at the middle, which provides a very tempting groove to stab things in closer to her neck, and if they were of any sort of rigid material, like, say, metal, the inner edge is going to jam into the breastplate and stop her from lifting her arms higher than her shoulder. There's something wrong with the length of both the breastplate and the hanging down bits--it looks like the breastplate would dig into her body if she bent over, so a bit too long, but the hanging down bits don't go far enough down to offer much leg protection.

[@ruinparadox4812]

The Nilfgaardians armor redesign was such an offshoot from the original I was wondering who in their right mind designed it, then I remembered it's hollywood, we shouldn't be surprised. For Queen Calanthe's case though, even I'm not sure what could be wrong with it. Maybe it's the fact that she's wearing less armor than everyone else and it's also on the "sort of bland" side, like she's supposed to be the queen, you'd think she'd at least have some like sort of metal embroidery pattern somewhere other than the claws on her shoulders. One would think that because she needs lighter armor that the armor would instead just be made of lighter metals but instead she just gets less armor in general. Still, no matter how weird it or off it looks, let's just be glad that she isn't a mage knight wearing a set of bikini armor with a singular pauldron/arm gauntlet claw thing, and a loincloth hastily attached her cod piece.

[@maromania7]

I think that Nilfgaardian armor honestly only works if it DOESNT set out to look ragtag. ignoring the fact that if it was thrown together it wouldn't be form-fitting and all uniform, you could really do with making it some sort of 'specialty' stuff. Say the wrinkles are because it's from some chitinous monster's hide and throw off anyone who strikes them. Suddenly running your blade against weird hardridges would put a lot of stress on your wrist, make you easier to disarm if you didn't just lose your grip. but it definitely doesn't look 'thrown together'

[@avatarofaiyel]

... So two things immediately strike me about her armor; First and foremost, the arms are... Off. That fabric doesn't *look* protective, unlike a heavy wool gambeson. I feel making it look like more armor-grade fabric rather than sparkly nylon, preferably with some maille over it, would have done well. The second is the complete absence of neck protection showing off her very long, pretty, *vulnerable-looking* neck. It looks like the pic of her in helmet *might* have a gorget or something, but it's hard to tell.

[@ChrisFixedKitty]

Big open neck screams for a matching fluted gorget? Arms and neck look like a wrinkly Tshirt against the sleek armor and need a little something below the lions claws for the upper arms, like golden chain panels maybe?

[@swordfish1929]

I thought the first season had some terrible costume design overall. It could have been a really good way to establish the geography of the world as well as giving people a visual clue to the timeline stuff but they completely missed and it looked so random and blandly fantasy. This season was better but not perfect

[@markp6062]

As always, LOVE your content and presentation. Yes, especially the rambling. For the lady's armor. I'm with you and I'm going for 1) It's a woman? Huh, who knew. I don't know if you're supposed to be able to tell, but if I am, I can't. 2) No arm protection was the second thing I noticed. It happened at the same time as the Paul-dettes ;). and finally 3) yes, it fits wrong. See #1 above.

[@heywhat6676]

Yess the armor lady is back!

[@orange_light_pictures]

Now, first great video and breakdown of costumed heroes and villains. Having never seen nor played the game which the armour has come from, but, no of it. It's nice to see a realistic look at these types of things. For your last armour; my impression is that it reminds me of all those historical films which vary in quality about Roman and Greek, like in the AD. It feels slight;y ill-fitting in some shots! (I'm not sure if she has battle armour) it feels like there should be a brush on the top, like the "Romas had." But, in some ways none of that's true, it's like having a ghost of an impression of armour, that somehow is present around the armour she's wearing. Well, that's my thoughts.

[@steveross2649]

Queen Calanthe issue ~ it's the arms for sure. No upper arm protection at all, it looks like a thin grey wool jumper tbh. I think the designers went for a grey shirt hoping in would blend in better with her armour but nah, it didn't. Don't you think her breastplate looks more like painted leather or cloth than metal? Rather shoddy overall look it has to be said.

[@mikegould6590]

The queen's armor put me off because of the inconsistency of the style. It looked thrown together from different sets and times. The protection was also inconsistent. Others had full coverage - and she had partial. Everyone else had pauldrons. She had spaulders. There's no forward protection on the shoulders whatsoever, rendering the spaulders pointless for everything but a very specific downward cut. The vambraces protect the forearm...kinda...but do not extend where the lack of any elbow protection would be seen. It's partial at best, and given the massed combat that would ensue, and her army's COMPLETE lack of tactical sense, one would think more protection would be better. The helmets and the rest of the armor were different periods of history. I'm expecting her to carry an early firearm with that helmet, and somehow be part of a phalanx with those spaulders. It's a hot mess. Does it protect? Sure. But it would better protect if the pieces matched in some meaningful way. It's like the writers and designers said: She's gonna lose a battle. Gimme a reason a weapon strike could get in. Geralt's armor matches itself in design and purpose. The queen's doesn't. The Nilfgard armor shall not be spoken of again in polite company since it looks like dinosaur testicles.

[@classicslover]

Her cat, Jill. The "long embroidered thing" is obviously for her cat to duck under. MUCH like your prom gown, and your cat(s). And...never been in a fight where peripheral vision and hearing were NOT important. So...even if I time traveled to way back then...I would probably not wear a helmet in battle.EDIT And "cool" is not an overstatement! Channel Member Perks...such as the extended videos...are VERY cool! Just popped by on this shorter version to feed the algorithm some more! (As the stalwart Jill supporter that I am ;)

[@Vilamus]

I never noticed the Queen's unarmoured arms and now I cannot unsee it. You would expect at least chainmail sleeves from someone who is so skilled at brawling she must know to expect the odd hit.

[@twincast2005]

As a queen, Calanthe should have proper full arm protection, but what makes the armor look off to me in general is the waist; doesn't seem to fit her. And as much as I hate the S1 Nilfgaardian fashion of non-metal, blade-catching, vaguely Giger-esque "armor", even more than that, I'm left amazed that they thought an elaborately detailed, uniform look was in any way "ragtag".

[@twincast2005]

And after having read and watched other reactions, yes, that ill-fitting breastplate is most definitely actually a backplate, which is something so utterly baffling, the possibility ne'er even crossed my mind.

[@creativehorsequeen]

4:38 Even cowboy boot heels are shorter than this. If those were cowboy boots they would be fancy, barn-dance, go-to-church boots, not riding boots. The heels on my cowboy boots that I ride in are only an inch if that.

[@tyrannosaurusimperator]

The alternative armor for Ciri you critiqued is based on the beginning of Witcher 3. Geralt has a dream where he is training Ciri in Kaer Morhen as a child. The armor she wears in that sequence is the same as her alternative armor in game. That would explain the bare midriff, as she outgrew it. That doesn't really explain why she still wears it, though.

[@adreak9868]

That's just not true, though? As a kid she wears a white shirt with a brown jacket, grey pants, and yellow boots.

[@Julia-lk8jn]

... or why it's too short, but no where near too snug. Unless Ciri was on the chubby side as a kid? Now there's a cute image 🤩

[@makky-kat3719]

If you too are annoyed by the ridiculous heels on Ciri's boots in the game, lo and behold there are mods for that! Which I naturally went and installed almost immediately upon seeing her character in game, because big stupid heels are stupid. (Yennefer's aren't any better, but I think impractical but aesthetic choices are much more in character for Yen.)