Dating in China as a FOREIGN MAN - Challenges, Insights, and How It has Changed Over the Years

As an expat in China who has been here in the mainland for over a decade and dated northern girls, southern girls and even a few from China's interior, I can speak from experience on this topic. Of course, my experiences are my own and won't necessarily be the same as what you HAVE experienced or what you MAY experience in the future, but at the very least, I hope my experience on the subject will at least help you in some way.
China is a huge country full of very beautiful women, but starting and maintaining a fulfilling and successful relationship is no easy task!
#china #dating #relationship
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[@MrKbtor2]

As someone who's visited and lived in China on and off over the last 18-20 years my general experiences completely concur. Every thing you said is exactly how I explain it to people. 2000-2010 > you're exotic, rich, come from a desirable country. I'm free any day this week for you. 2010-15 > you're interesting, well-off, a little different but I can try to make it work. 2016-2019 > you're a little awkward to have as a boyfriend/girlfriend but I'm curious to see where this goes. 2020-now > you're the "devil" according to what I've heard and your country is probably a hell-hole compared to China anyways, so what's the point. Besides you'll be tough to explain to my family and friends. No thank you.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Haha - this is epic! Pinning this comment! Funny but true!

[@FrederikEngelmand]

exactly! white men are way too normal now. they have been pumped with anti white narrative. even WHITE countries have anti white narratives

[@ActiveAussie2024]

I lived in Wuhan and Nanning for 8 years, till August 2016. Was back in Nanning for a while in 2017. I d say this analysis is 100 percent correct.

[@FrederikEngelmand]

this only goes for white men though

[@zoltanfabiansk5795]

Good to know thanks! I can confirm in 2012 I had a lot girl-friends online from China, but now?! 0! It feels like a downed plane! :( Can you recommend a real dating app to a European guy (from and in Europe) who wants to date a Chinese woman? I have no intention to travel to China until I have no "girl reason"...

[@user-qc9nu3vc9o]

I was expecting you to have a big increase in viewers and comments today because The China Show recommended people visit your channel. I think that your following will naturally increase in its own time as your China content is always fair,balanced accurate and interesting. I always like and comment to help the algorithm.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

That's very cool of them to shout me out! Appreciate the good words and support! 🙏✌

[@plungecastnz]

Over here after @TheChinaShow mentioned your channel

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Awesome - thanks for dropping in!

[@riverlady982]

Same

[@rosalindchu7588]

Again your opinion n comments are so fair in every way. Not just on dating. Your advice is realistic n observation keen. Thank you once again.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks for the good words! Sending blessings to you and your family!

[@davidalexanderarnavat]

Great points!

[@96518]

This was fantastic. I've also lived in China (I learnt Chinese well before I went - passed HSK5 quite a few years back). A few minutes ago I saw one of your videos and thought you might like Chinese Dream by Anna Lee. I wish I'd seen this before commenting on that as I regreted not putting in more info. That book describes the changes in China between 2013-2023 through the eyes of a foreigner living in Pingjiang, a fictional city in Guangdong. The main character goes to China and learns Chinese while taking up teaching jobs and running a training centre and describes his three relationships including marriage and having children as the society shifts. It has incredible detail how that environment changed. I think it would really resonate with you.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Sounds very interesting indeed! It's on my book list (I read/listen to audiobooks a lot... currently reading a WW2 book that's gonna take a while to finish though).

[@dmitrys5606]

Surprisingly logical and focused explanation, rare stuff, thanks!

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks for the good words!

[@dorothypeck2689]

I'm a new subscriber sent by The China Show. I noticed that the sky in most of this video looks very clear and blue. Near the end, the effects of pollution were more visible. "The Sky Doesn't Lie" is frequently used by The China Show because a clear blue sky is so rarely seen these days. How long ago where the earlier, clear sky days, videos taken?

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks for dropping in, Dorothy! Big thanks to the guys at the China Show for shouting me out! You do get some clear sky days. Even now, you still see 'em, just not that often. It also depends where you are. Days like the clear blue one in the video are quite rare, but they do happen!

[@padisuromertani]

woah very insightful content, please keep it coming...

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Glad you found it interesting - thanks for watching/commenting!

[@user-qc9nu3vc9o]

Interesting as usual, Chopsticks. I have been to China and can confirm what you have said in the video. Would love to go back again, but i do think that you are correct in that the general attitude towards foreigners has changed somewhat since i was there.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks! What timeframe were you in China, roughly? Just curious! Always cool chatting with ppl who have firsthand experience living here!

[@user-qc9nu3vc9o]

@@chopsticksandtrains Six or seven years ago.

[@jgdyt]

Good video. I was married in Mainland China in 2013, we now have kids. Dating before that time was ok, but there were still xenophobia and related issues. One girl friend's family made her stop dating me, she said her parents kept telling her there were 10 million single men in China, why date a foreigner? One time out on a stroll in a park with a girl, a bunch of local guys started shouting in English "go back to America!!" Another time out in a bar district, a bunch of guys started shouting things like "why she date you, big>>>>?" One of my coworkers told me that he didn't like me dating a local, since he felt like it was his sister he needed to protect. My company CEO's wife told my wife before we were married that she should not marry a foreigner, since they always cheat you. That said, most people are nice, and being married to a local is wonderful.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks for sharing your experiences! Have experienced a bit of the same myself!

[@danielhusain7570]

It's pretty similar to what you'll find in Taiwan and Vietnam by the sounds of it

[@jgdyt]

@@danielhusain7570 No, not so much.

[@ActiveAussie2024]

​@@danielhusain7570Vietnam may be similar, Taiwan is a lot different. Men in China seem to think the women there are their property, which is obviously nonsense. That was the impression I received after living there for eight years.

[@danielhusain7570]

@@ActiveAussie2024 fair enough, you will know after 8 years. Regarding Taiwan and VN and most of Asia, I’m thinking more about the taboo / social pressure against relationships with westerners and the over distaste towards having us living in their countries!

[@methylenedioxy818]

Great video! And quite accurate according to my experience. Thanks for sharing! It's a shame that national politics in both China and the West have made dating (and cultural exchange in general) more difficult. Women from other, more friendly Asian countries may now be the best option.

[@fhdb478]

I had a very similar experience with China and the attitude towards foreigners! I met my future wife in my home country in the late 2000s and we traveled China together regularly since then. Curiosity turned into indifference turned into disapproval. We have visited in 2023 for the last time. In the future, I will not even travel back to China with my family anymore, they will go without me.

[@theshuttergrind]

Good video once again, chopsticks! What you made me think about is that for me (here in China since 2008) it's ok if it's not a privilege to be a foreigner anymore... but it's made it much more difficult for me to relate to anyone here due to being a a foreigner working against me. I can still make friends or hang out with workmates, whom are all locals. But it's a form of silent segregation. Having become single again for the last couple of years made me realize it the most. Not all though, but I'm glad I'm not in the Northeast anymore, it was already difficult back then.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

You really articulated it well in that comment! Ohhh, so you were in the NE but now you're not... which region are you in now? The NE is a good base for me - lots of friends here, but I'm always so happy when I can get out of this region.

[@theshuttergrind]

@@chopsticksandtrains I'm in Fujian now... Xiamen. Easier to do business from here. I miss the hangouts in Dongbei, lots of real friends and great food, but idk how it would be now, after all this time. Being there definitely helped me a lot when learning Chinese, couldn't say the same about where I am right now. I left Changchun in 2017. I guess I owe myself a trip over there, just for the nostalgia, but I was happy to leave as well.

[@DavidisDawei]

"Can I practice my English with you?"

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Old memories coming back, Dawei? 🤪

[@marcustulliuscicero9140]

My girlfriend is from Dongbei, but we met here in the UK (she studied here and now works here as an accountant). Agree regarding the extremely high levels of Chinese nationalism in north-eastern China now. It's at not normal levels compared to other regions there (eg I've met her family but she's scared to post me on WeChat, but will post me on Insta).

[@chopsticksandtrains]

You nailed it - 100% spot on. She's scared to post you on Wechat. I don't think most people who read that would realize the depth of that sentence. You found one living in the UK rather than meeting a local dongbei girl who has never left China - that is a VERY good thing, and I wish you success in your relationship!

[@dunnybrush]

Good comment and insightful video. I dated a Dongbei girl when I lived there a few years back. Things were different then, but she still got the occasional snide remark from random men when we were out together. They rarely directed comments at me directly, though. I can totally imagine the current situation as described in the video. Edit: I accidentally timestamped a random moment in the vid; removed.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

@@dunnybrush 💯

[@steamsearcher]

20 years of LOVE for us and a Daughter in England. Chinese Girls are SUPERB with me having a total preference for the Far Eastern ones. We met on line and she choose me. Love David and Lily.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Your situation of meeting a Chinese lady happened a long time ago. This video describes the current situation in China and how different it was from years past. I wish you and your family all the best and nothing but happiness. :)

[@junosaxon4370]

I agree with what you said. I went to live and work in Beijing at the beginning of 2006. The early 2000s are what I call the 'Golden Period'. I notced a change around 2016, and yes, by 2017 the feeling of nationalism was very clear. Even in the golden period one had to be careful of scams, the girls who were super friendly, lavishing you with compliments and false flattery to invite you to various places, the Tea Girls, the Art Girls and the Store Girls (Silk Street Market, for example). One learns from mistakes and experience. You just had to be careful. I was, unfortunately, forced to leave at the end of 2018. I now live back in my own country, but I loved Beijing, it had become my home, and I miss it and all my friends there everyday.

[@gravityissues5210]

I am curious tho about ”leftover women” and divorcees. Perhaps they’re less picky (or more open) given the constraints their society has placed on them that materially affects their goals? Just curious (not in the market myself, just wondering).

[@chopsticksandtrains]

That's a very intelligent question. Yes, chances would be better with those groups of women. However, if they've always been in the mainland you'd still run into a lot of the issues I mentioned (with hyper-nationalism, excessive culinary pride and dislike for other cuisines)... With these groups you mentioned I'd say this: meeting them and possibly starting the first steps of a relationship would be smoother, in general, as they'd be less picky and might even see foreign men as a better option (and Chinese men are less likely to choose to be in a serious relationship with those groups, and if the divorcee has a child Chinese men are far less likely even still to consider her for a serious partner) but once you got to know them, and started talking, searching for common ground, etc, those same problems would still arise. There are always exceptions though!

[@anindependentmind2666]

I think the uncomfortable levels of nationalism in China is due in part to the fact that nobody living there is allowed to have a big enough of a platform to widely share any views that are out of line with the state narrative. Unlike here in the West where people can criticise and mock their own politicians without any fear of reprisals.

[@chopsticksandtrains]

You are definitely correct.

[@AndreVanDiggelen-wl3fx]

The mainland Chinese girls I've meet all were nearly Ant-west. Older Chinese are often rude and disrespectful they (speaking to a foreigner in Chinese) would smile and call them pigs not realizing that some westerners can both speak chinese and understand what they said. Thats my experience 20 years ago, want friendly beautiful girls? Go to Thailand or Vietnam. You'll be treated respectfully and everyone is KIND and it won't be because of what you have in your wallet.

[@BobJones-pj4lx]

Here here !😂

[@bro_math]

Vietnam still has good girls. China and Japan women are a mirage, but it's ok.

[@myleft9397]

the china show sent me

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks for dropping by!

[@autopartiscesantyhanne1949]

Why not???

[@Biiiiird]

6:28 my experience is that many americans do it a lot

[@CJ-re7bx]

If Chinese people have lost respect for the west, does that also mean that it is more difficult to get jobs as a foreigner as well?

[@Toothnut_Hamsterfolder]

Algorithm, etc Thank you!

[@chopsticksandtrains]

Thanks Toothnut! 👍

[@funpau7549]

Oddly the nationalism is only limited to words. Give them a choice of Chinese made vs foreign made products, they will show you where their real trust lies. Pun intended.

[@peanut0brain]

So what's made in USA?!

[@PurpleDoritos666]

Actually many Chinese have no problem with choosing chinese made products lmao

[@Steve-ev6vx]

IF I had the money to do the passport bro thing I would probably go to Esstern Europe. I have dated outside my race in the US and it wasn't a good experience. Their families where racists, every time.

[@marcustulliuscicero9140]

Eastern Europe is rich now if you are looking at Poland etc. It's comparable to Western Europe/West Virginia levels. Options for passport bro types in Europe are down to real dumps run by dictators like Belarus and Russia which are no-go zones for any sane American.

[@Steve-ev6vx]

@@marcustulliuscicero9140 I know, my grandfather was born in Poland and I have been there. Hence why I said if I had enough money, and since I am ethnically Polish, it's a little different. Heck, there are a half dozen girls from Moldova on work visas at the corporate restaurant chain I work at, could easily date one of them if it was currently a priority.

[@peanut0brain]

​@@marcustulliuscicero9140so how come you don't call China a dictatorship? Biden did! You got a very weak highly propagandized head

[@MARlOKART]

The image of the white man sinks as the American empire commits suicide and faux paus after faux paus on the international stage. The rise of Asia is destroying the fragile egos of many a white man. As a brit in China I welcome it. I have met some repulsive foreigners here. Like capitalism, they can try to exploit the next undeveloped nation until there is no nation poor enough for them to exploit. Standards must be lowered, expectations must be reconfigured, egos may be obliterated. From relatively attractive, tall, slim north east Asians to the less attractive, short, tanned, wide faced south east Asians. And even there they are getting sick of the white man.