Dating in The Netherlands: Dating Dutch Men - Expat's Opinion

[@theselfishcodependent]

👉 Watch my other videos: Dutch dating culture: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aWKrnJypfMuNjqc My FULL story of moving to the Netherlands: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jX3YhZZ-fddqaLM How to respond to Dutch directness: kzbin.info/www/bejne/a2qbcpV-rNB2mbs Do you want to improve your planning skills and learn to plan like a Dutch? 😀Check out the planner I created: etsy.me/3A9aJjl

[@Frivals]

You are not a princess, you are not special, you are just an other of the 4 billion females with 3 holes.

[@katyazorina8632]

Good video! Really enjoyed it. What’s quite surprising to me are the many men in the comment section that acknowledge what the emancipation of women has done to Dutch society, but don’t seem too eager to be part of the solution. A lot of bitterness. As much as you’re able to recognise the problem, that doesn’t mean anything if you’re not willing to rise to the occasion, take responsibility and act. Especially if you would like a traditional woman, instead of one of the ‘modern’ ones…… she’ll need to be pursued in a traditional way. (PS It’s hard for me to believe anyone will be pressing charges if you’re gonna start opening doors or just doing gentlemanly things LOL).

[@theselfishcodependent]

Hey Katya, thank you for watching the video and sharing your perspective. I get what you mean. To me, it mostly is upsetting that somehow we set this gold standard of western values, and everyone else is expected to follow it. If your opinion is different or even slightly different, oh well... You read the comments what happens then :D I touch upon these points in this video too (link below). Start watching at 3:44 kzbin.info/www/bejne/Zqm6qIKCgrKXlbM&ab_channel=TheSelfishCodependent

[@Manji14]

Maybe people who marry without living together before are also the kind of people who won't divorce even if it's going terribly.

[@theselfishcodependent]

It's an interesting angle. You mean that people who don't live together prior to marriage are a little bit more conservative and would do their best to stay even if their marriage no longer works? Thank you for watching the video and for your comment! 🤗🙏

[@Manji14]

@@theselfishcodependent Yes. And they may be other interpretations, statistics can be seen through many lenses.

[@theselfishcodependent]

@@Manji14 absolutely!

[@williamgeardener2509]

Because in the cultures where people marry without prior living together, divorce is a long and tedious proces. Also people in those cultures will not divorce because the shame is much worse than living with someone they do not love or care for. Divorce can also be difficult for the women because they are regarded as "damaged", "unwanted" and undesirable.

[@theselfishcodependent]

@@williamgeardener2509 that's a good point. Thank you for bringing this up. Indeed, in some cultures, divorse is not accpeted. People often choose to be unhappy and stay because they are afraid of the judgement and condemnation of others.

[@Joey-ct8bm]

What Dutch men really don't like is you being vague and say no when you mean yes or maybe. You just rejected him and you did it on purpose to see what he does. This is exactly what men absolutely hate. Number 1 on our list. Playing games! We can't read minds. If we do too little it isn't good and too much isn't good either. That drives us completely mad. Certainly if you from another culture. We don't know how it works in Russia. You've the Russian stereotype against you. Could be just me, but if i think of a Russian woman i would think she is loyal and a bit of a badass. A woman who won't be playing games at all. A woman who made up her mind. A woman who shoots straight and takes no prisoners. I think i speak for all men in the world that women really need to stop doing that. It's also the biggest red flag you can get as a guy. You will come across very needy and not as good relationship material. I would think by myself.. Is this how the whole relationship is gonna go? Is this gonna be a one sided relationship? Is she playing games and is she gonna do that in the relationship too making life hard for me? Is she even gonna be faithful If this is the level of interest she's showing me? Guys who got just cheated on for example or had a bad relationship. Could be a awkward situation. A guy is also far less likely to make a move if there is a next date or a date after that. He's not calling you or texting first. He's not sending you flowers. He's also likely to do too much on the next date. It's basic psychology. Not helpful if you want chivalry. Not that Dutch men are chivalrous by the way. I'm not saying that. It's rare. I would take you up on your own game. See if you're really interested. Don't make any effort anymore until you come to me. There's another saying in Dutch "wie de bal kaatst kan hem terug verwachten." What comes around goes around is the English saying for it. See how bad of a start of a relationship it is. It's very annoying. Changes of it working out are very low. I hear also a very unrealistic view of what a guy should be. He needs to be the hunting bad boy who doesn't take no for a answer and the super romantic sweet prince who opens doors and respects her wishes. I would like Rihanna combined with Keira Knightley, but she doesn't exist. I would settle for one of the two. Sorry, i was dreaming a bit...😍😍😂😂 A relationship only works when there's good communication and understanding. You just made us question that at the start. It's not about feeling safe or respected which certainly would be nice. Men need to be loved and trusted just like women do. Leave the games for the bedroom is my advice. You're not making a guy feel loved and trusted at all. Your way is good way to find guys who hit and quit it. Serious relationship guys are much more likely take the no and move on to the next date who could be interested. A guy who had a bad relationship or got cheated on certainly takes the no because they don't need the games anymore. If a man would do that to a woman wouldn't you think the same? Wouldn't you take the no and find the next date? I'm very curious if you would think the same as a woman if it were all reversed. Let me know.

[@theselfishcodependent]

Thank you for watching the video! I agree that playing games is not a mature way forward. I don't find this attractive either. ;)

[@Joey-ct8bm]

@@theselfishcodependent Would you having taken the no yourself or would you hunt him down if you liked him?

[@toomuchinformation]

​@@Joey-ct8bm"Hunt him down?" Why would she hunt anyone down?

[@williamgeardener2509]

The "Not gentleman" part stems from the emancipation of Dutch women. Since a lot of Dutch women are strong and independent, they do not need men to open or hold the door for them or carry their bags. In fact, a lot of men stopped being courteous to women because they were scolded if they dared to open a door or offer to carry something.

[@theselfishcodependent]

Thank you for watching the video and your comment. I can believe that - I sense this behavior from a lot of Dutch ladies.

[@Joey-ct8bm]

They just act like they do, but if you do surprise her she will be all over you. I also depends on the woman. If she is raised with lots of men in the house or lots of women makes a difference for sure. It's the same if you were raised in another culture. Farm girl or city girl also can make a huge difference. Questions that should be asked the first date.

[@williamgeardener2509]

@@Joey-ct8bm Appreciate your input. I however have found that Dutch girls and women aren't overwhelmed because of some old-fashioned chivalry. They are too confident and self-assured to act like they're swept from their feet because you hold a door or carry their heavy load. They wont be "all over you". Best case scenario you get a cold "Thanks." Worst case they tell you to f*ck off because they are perfectly capable to open the door or carry their bags themselves.

[@Joey-ct8bm]

@@williamgeardener2509 Those things don't work indeed. Surprise her with flowers and chocolate does work in a relationship. A nice trip somewhere also does the trick. Dutch women don't like too much chivalry. The act normal, you'll be crazy enough would come back in play.

[@Joey-ct8bm]

@@williamgeardener2509 Run when she says f*ck off.

[@MayaMoorish]

Literally everything you said is incorrect. Every man and every experience is different. The dutch can be magnificent and chivalrous and romantic as hell too.

[@theselfishcodependent]

@@MayaMoorish I'm not portraying what I said as the universal truth, I think I made this disclaimer around 00:18 but thanks for watching anyways ;)

[@nicossbots]

For me, it comes down to one thing and that is effort. I have been in a relationship of 6 years with a Dutch guy and when I got single again, I explored the Amsterdam dating scene, meaning that I got to date multiple different cultures (also more Dutch). That has honestly opened my eyes in such a way that I am almost sure I would never get with a Dutch guy again. What I’m missing with Dutch is mainly the effort, appreciation, warmth and initiative. Oh and not unimportantly… I got to experience way better sex

[@theselfishcodependent]

Sounds like you found what you were looking for, and that break up was the best! :)

[@freeman405]

Sounds like you need to make effort.

[@Denda22]

To me Dutch dating seems like a nightmare.

[@Jeroenhermanjan]

No it’s not, it’s about honesty and trust, if u can’t do that yes you fail. But that good because nobody want a fake relationship. But if your real and honest, also If we ask to go to snackbar or Mac, and you go without shame, it shows that you want. And than you see the real love believe me. But be honest.

[@TransylvaniaGirl]

I agree with all the points mentioned in your video:)

[@theselfishcodependent]

Thank you! Glad to hear that the video resonates ✨💚

[@piccalillies]

A lot of American men are cheaper than the Dutch, believe me. The first time an American guy said, "Let's go Dutch" I thought he was making a joke about me coming from the Netherlands. And the last one to say "Let's go Dutch" was a Mexican. 🤐

[@theselfishcodependent]

Uhhh, it seems like the 'Let's go Dutch' phraseis getting popular. Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@piccalillies]

@@theselfishcodependent Dankjewel. Ik heb genoten van je podcast.

[@theselfishcodependent]

@@piccalillies 🫶🙏

[@alcidesforever]

The phrase: 'Next time you pay', can be interpreted multiple ways, I think. Depending on the tone and person it can be: A: A joke; B: A way of finding out if you are interested in another date. If you say 'sure' or 'of course', he will know you are interested in another date with him, but he didn't have to outright ask you: 'Are you interested in another date?' Just a little dating loophole; C: a standard dutch expression for ending the evening, not to be taken too seriously; D: telling you he is a cheap *sshole, who you don't wanna see again anyway 😑🙂

[@theselfishcodependent]

Thanks, Paul! I agree that the motive matters. ;)

[@vierialeo]

Is it normal that during the 6 months dating giving a boy a hug/kiss?

[@theselfishcodependent]

I guess you can define yourself as to what's 'normal' for you ;)

[@stsin7]

So basically it’s like not feeling like a real woman in a relationship while doing a “woman” part of it. Thanks - no.

[@kaxapaluna1920]

Ik ben al 7 jaar geen sexs in Holland. Mijn Dutch man. Coffie en cookies met de ouders. Vader is weg, moeder zeg aub komt niet.. Maar hij is lekker bezig met.

[@Jeroenhermanjan]

Gaat het goed man?

[@longbow857]

So yeah I think that I would be one of the extreme cases for the things that you discribe, because to me man and woman are so equal that im fed up and had enough of this ''romantic'' idea of the man ''conquering'' a woman as if they are a prize. What is respectfull about assuming the man does certain things for you out of romance, whilst it is not expected the other way around? So ofcourse whoever is in front holds the door or goes first in a narrow space. Even in this level headed country I am done with woman who expect you to do all the effort of showing interest whilst they hold all the cards by refraining from showing their feelings initially so that they can get out seemingly unharmed and we are expected to get used to rejection. Perhaps the modern independent woman should change their perception away from romantic movies and just look for a guy that matches you in a equal relationship. If you want a predator that will do all these ''romantic'' things just to get in your pants go ahead. But I think in The Netherlands at least you will find the most decent guys by having a give and take connection right from the start.

[@theselfishcodependent]

Thanks for watching the video. It's certainly interesting how what I said resonated with you. Thank you for sharing your view and perspective. ✨

[@greenytaddict]

Correlating romance with being a predator is just wrong. Romance for a woman shows investment. And it isn't just a one way street. Of course both partners should support and appreciate each other.But in reality men and women are not equal because of our physiology. And in some occupations women are still being paid less than their male counterparts. Women are still going to be the primary caregiver for their children. And the inequality doesn't mean that it is a bad thing but should be appreciated. Dutch women may not want romance or a chivalrous man or a man that will provide for them, it doesn't mean other women shouldn't want a man to be that way. This why you vet and get to know someone so you aren't surprised or fed up with them because they want what you aren't willing to do. To each their own though. What one man or woman won't do a other will do and tolerate.

[@alexanderbarnes8991]

4:45 Haha i helped a women with her mothers wheelchair and got the ugly eye 😠 the british in me 😅

[@theselfishcodependent]

I definitely think it's a habit worth keeping ;)

[@nnekandibe]

That means that they are not men enough. 50/50 is to me as an Afrika lady not men enough

[@uche4748]

There are cute