David Cross - The Difference Between Americans and Canadians

#DavidCross on what Americans insult Canada about, the worst slogan for a tattoo parlor, and the tattoo he plans to get next.
#DavidCross stand up from the #JustForLaughs Festival in 2016.
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[@EricWBurton]

The amount of confidence David Cross has on stage must be massive. He is so good.

[@madisoncastle5138]

Yeah

[@jimmysaviano4950]

This bit, like nearly all of his bits, lampoons dumbasses, cliches, the idiocy of so many humans, and he's one of the only comedians that nearly always makes me laugh.

[@ClintoncideIsRealAskSeth]

So you're an idiot then. Got it. Cheers bozo

[@Supermoneygang12]

"Yo nigga where my paper be at" -David Cross(2018)

[@mzzodiacc]

He cuda K.ept That!!🙄😒 He's Def'Ly too old, Not to know beta!🤨🤐🧑🏻‍🦳👴🏻🙄🤫

[@skylined5534]

​@@mzzodiacc Nice Engrish.

[@averymorrish9686]

Uncle Ian out here casually saying the N word 😂

[@sweetcaroline7107]

Tobias Funke

[@VARGON56]

@@sweetcaroline7107 the blue man group member

[@koffiecake]

Apparently that's a joke now.

[@michelleferry7411]

Lmao

[@skitzoradio369]

Necrophiliac- The REAL N-Word. (Credit to Owen Benjamin)

[@MonkeyDLuffy-cm4fm]

"But you see the irony right?" i lost it hahahahaah

[@lonniecooper4963]

I love how he crosses all the lines and jsut keeps going. Its too funny.

[@EliasTheHunter]

That’s how he got his name.

[@senseweaver01]

He actually got his name from his parents, but yeah, good one

[@EliasTheHunter]

CJ Carter Yeah, he got it for his birthday.

[@leogarcia4581]

@@senseweaver01 I'm pretty sure it's because he wears a cross around his neck

[@ricklynd7408]

@@EliasTheHunter hahahahaha 😆🤣😂

[@andyka591]

Damn Zero getting old now😂😂

[@Nigmond]

"Curse You Berkley!!!!, Curse You!!!"

[@cortnimcnair7353]

Is it just me or is David Cross looking better with age

[@joneldiaz3264]

ⓣⓡⓤⓣⓗ ⓗⓔ ⓦⓐⓢ ⓤⓖⓛⓨ ⓐⓕ

[@oKApplejack]

Aye, he’s definitely growing into himself!

[@Navrozs]

Facial hair and the hat work for a lot of people with no quality facial features and bald people. Remember scary movie 2?

[@lizardmandx]

David Cross needs to sit down

[@nickb2208]

@@joneldiaz3264 what do you mean was.

[@Megumi_Bandicoot]

*Launch The Red Baron...*

[@juniastainbank2920]

That's the nicest cap I've ever seen in my life.

[@ViolentGenius]

Junia Stainbank Didn't realise how nicely it was made till I saw your comment.

[@xTheOxx]

I believe it's made entirely out of felted beard hair. David's beard hair.

[@giantsfan8872]

Are u f kidding me talking about the cap f outta here (😂 can u tell im american)

[@polarbearbianca]

He out there looking low key part of the blue man group, living the dream I see

[@higgs-boson-blues]

Haven’t cracked up that hard for stand up in a long time. That tattoo one had me in stitches

[@silencingmachine2671]

The " git what'cha git " is really just a vending machine like at a supermarket and you get tattooed what ever generic flash image is on the piece of paper.

[@poodychulak]

It's like Friday the 13th everyday!

[@ToLateToTrifecta]

That wouldn't be as funny though would it

[@yuhyuh7603]

"No that's too much power!" that was great.

[@ajs3147]

I have a get what you get tattoo. I put a coin in an old school gumball machine and a little pop top ball came out. It was around Halloween so all the designs were spooky. It cost 100 bucks and you could get another choice for 25. I'm so happy with my floating eyeball with bat wings.

[@kylieochsner4086]

take a shot everytime he says uh good luck

[@skylined5534]

I didn't get to drink all that much.

[@drearmouse9510]

Ah, I fuckin love Cross.

[@quahntasy]

David cross looking better with age.

[@ryanvaze]

but getting worse in humour:D this sucks!

[@MrFreeGman]

It's the hat and the fact that he finally learned how to dress himself

[@o.t.]

Oh my gosh, I can't believe that he was in Santa Rosa CA!!

[@GrowAndThrive]

Set was well put together.

[@matthewbesson5367]

I have always found being polite is the best possible policy for day to day life.

[@johnbiggs1965]

Thanks for leaving so much online so I can enjoy even though I'm kinda poor

[@janrees4887]

There's an artist in my city- famous tattoo artist, his waiting list is over 6 months. But you can't choose what you want. He's so famous as a brilliant artist that people pay him to give them a tattoo that he chooses for them. I know someone who went to him and he's really happy with it. But you have to be really brave to get a tattoo you didn't choose yourself.

[@TheJimprez]

Maybe, but everyone can see what he did before. That FAITH TATOO thing is probably NOT that specific. Or maybe it is. And you are right. I guess we'd have to make sure. Cheers. NOT trying to diss you..

[@Colin-kh6kp]

Sounds perfect for me, I’ve always wanted a tattoo but I can’t think of something I want a tattoo of.

[@iliacbaby]

david hale?

[@wouterdeheus3626]

Mehh... you get what you get.

[@86crazy8ts]

The set up for the tattoo joke was brutal. Sounded like me trying to set up a joke.

[@ToLateToTrifecta]

Thanks for putting this in comments mate

[@ItsViolaRose]

Jesus …yeah it was….😦

[@Mattology1]

? No you couldn't do that good

[@woadblue]

Sick bruh

[@daviddreyer5817]

I love to see polite Canadian NHL players.

[@TheChupacabra]

“Ooo surry I had to take yer head off back there, you snowed my tendy though, had to feed ya some.”

[@scottthompson3493]

@@TheChupacabra ya nailed it eh!

[@zairemrenthlei9478]

lol love him on Arrested development.

[@p.al.o4437]

I do too but his stand up is great. So different.

[@anjijisaac466]

His guest appearances in archer are my absolute favourite

[@skylined5534]

When he did the Blue Man thing, paint all over the house 😂

[@grapentine739]

I loved this guy ever since i first saw him in the movie "toy soliders" he would be one cool nerd to hang out with.

[@hamoodddw]

Thanks for supply lines by the way !

[@milzyywilzyy9922]

Carl, I need a bridge!

[@akeithing1841]

His jokes are rare!

[@PeterNGloor]

Watching from Europe - he is right.

[@chrisharmon1985]

"how about a leg?, maybe 2...."

[@finjibuns]

Amazing.

[@zenithquasar9623]

I am not into tattoos but that Memento one is soo friggen clever, I need it! (Mohammed one too but it is not as cool as Memento tbh)

[@ToledoOhio]

....Genius. 🤘

[@kanyewest7744]

Isnt he the guy who stole the chipmunks?

[@kanescrimes4848]

I know a girl that inherited a MASSIVE collection of milk carton missing-kid pictures. It might not seem like a creepy thing, but I GUARANTEE you'd get the chills if you saw it. HOWEVER: I DO think it'd be cool to have a collection of super old WANTED posters.

[@davidpolaczek3614]

No... that absolutely IS a creepy thing lol

[@kentdavis7754]

Absolutely hilarious. Love the hat too!!

[@jamesdaniels3699]

The movie Canadian Bacon, hilarious,and you David Cross just as funny 🤣

[@87Michael]

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. LOL SMFH

[@southpawbillings9292]

Ugh ugh ugh, I ugh, there ugh, was ugh, ugh ugh

[@michelevitarelli]

Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie!

[@uberxchuck944]

Deeeaahh... my pants are tight!

[@kaleenastrange5855]

Donnie!

[@tinol5339]

I haven't heard that reference since it originally aired in the late 90s I believe. Nice one.

[@tinol5339]

@PBR Street Gang nice

[@dadadark401]

Ive looked for that clip for so long

[@Czechbound]

That tattoo place sounds like "Mr. Tourettes" from "Modern Toss"

[@tomm6054]

Awesome standup, I still love his Donny Character from Just Shoot Me

[@lloydthurstondinwiddieakag297]

If it wasn’t David I’d be pissed. He evoked it accurately tho

[@ares679]

I just wonder if berkley is still bothering this guy..

[@d.d.9472]

I havent seen a missing child posted on a milk carton since 1989.

[@davidpolaczek3614]

Lmao....I would never go for the get what u get tattoo lol

[@ashantal5172]

Ahahhhhahahahhahaha. I haven't seen an have you seen me on the carton in decades.

[@cheapthrilll6323]

Americans also make fun of the ways Canadians pronounce the word "about".

[@stepheneu33]

A boot.

[@Xx0AUS0xX]

@@stepheneu33 the only people that pronounce it like that are on the east coast. Like 95% of canadians say it just the same as americans.

[@VincentFischer]

what are you talking aboot?

[@StudioNetcom]

Well considering that "ou" is pronounced "oo" in french it is possible that this came from canadian french who haven't learned how to pronounce english words properly. Personnally, I've never heard a single person say "aboot" (except for Americans trying to mock Canadians).

[@__Black_Sheep__]

@@Xx0AUS0xX being from the east coast I can say that the only people who say "aboot" is Americans trying to make fun of Canadians.

[@adultsinthemaking]

Yo, someone design that exact hat without the bill on it. I will buy that shit!

[@Lupiot7]

The one person that got the Memento joke laugh so hard!

[@IceColdProfessional]

I love that hat. It's fluffy and well groomed like his beard.

[@pp-zu2tv]

Isn't he the one who voiced zero in gta sa?

[@Mr7Niice]

Cross hilarious as always. Loved AD and Mr show

[@itsjonathank]

Dwight from Scary Movie!

[@gmart225]

allen ginsberg is at it again

[@jakeellison5000]

I’ve now confirmed what I previously thought.

[@blackbolshevik1114]

Which is?

[@IvanFerninosGaming]

I LOVE ZERO IN GTA!!!!

[@iwasdancingwithspiders]

Got a milk ad after this 😊

[@mochluthfimunggaran5778]

Barkley Bakley!!!!

[@williamresham703]

Brilliant set/opening. Cross shoots bullets. Makes most others look like babbling amateurs.

[@hueyhorseman]

Minion - "Megamind"

[@wolfviking9063]

I remember him from Alvin and the Chipmunks

[@darrylbanks7731]

NOO, THAT'S TOO MUCH POWER!!!!

[@Mikey-240]

The laugh track worked better on Arrested Development

[@tahahadada1936]

Best gta voice

[@Dude0000]

Gus Fring was the most polite bad guy, even character, in Breaking Bad. With politeness comes cold ruthlessnesses for people who don’t play by the rules, albeit the government or criminal code.

[@antoniominejahdambuznass8849]

If anyone gets a pass he does...for Gods sake he played POOTY TANG 😂

[@frankmorris2603]

Strayans like polite and humble peeps. Stick with it Canadians.......ay !!

[@alexnavarro819]

Hey zero, teach me how to do supply lines and new model army plsss or i go 'allcarsgoboom' to ur toy cars

[@vilentman111]

Take that Berkley!

[@jacobdehaan4114]

David Cross is hilarious!

[@josuefbonilla1197]

Megaman 2 ? Year 2020?

[@matthewgresham7060]

The get what you get tattoo is a place that has a vending machine with tattoo designs inside. You pay $100 to get a token to put in the machine, whatever pops out is what you get. If you're not happy with it, you can pay to have it covered up

[@RelampagoLaAmenaza]

lol

[@pimppopotamustard]

Was this rehearsal?

[@AbortYurfetuses]

If you want to know what southern Ontarians are like, just ask an east Indian.

[@DrGreg007]

I thought he was perfect for the role of uncle Ian in Alvin and the Chipmunks

[@roberttail1676]

😂😍

[@0Fyrebrand0]

Plot Twist: The tattoo is actually the words "You get what you get" in fancy lettering.

[@CuriousGoodsJessica]

A new friend of mine's whole family had gotten her deceased son's name & birthdate tattooed on their backs, she showed me her tat, she had gone last, & the guy spelled his name wrong on only her tattoo! I WAS THE ONLY ONE who noticed & told her 2 years after she got it, nobody had noticed before. I felt like absolute crap after I asked her what his name was, because "Emolilo" didn't sound right. 😢😵 It was supposed to be "Emilio" - she ended up getting it fixed for free by a really cool artist that hurt for her shortly afterward.

[@thesunsnameissol]

1:50-3:35

[@SmithMrCorona]

This seems like the first time he got up on stage

[@vvmustaffa2078]

I did not laught at all from start to end.....even bringing the Islamic prophet Mohammed( pbuh) into his gig is just tasteless.....those that laught must be the least tasteless of all stand-up comedy patrons.

[@skylined5534]

Wow, so I've discovered at least two successful humorectomy patients in the comments section. *Tips hat* ladies.

[@skylined5534]

Oh Tobias!

[@RosscoFAM]

That was surprisingly really good, coming from a Muslim too lol

[@georgiag1896]

Tobías!

[@DanielLopez-fj9yz]

Is that zero from San Andreas?

[@justabitofjunkie2595]

Of course it is.

[@ybab-j]

it’s not a slogan, it’s something you opt into for cheap and fun

[@simon4187]

I want the tattoo he described

[@timtom4021]

The "get what you get" slogan probably means you can let the artist pick your tattoo. In which case he or she will most likely give you the best tattoo that they are capable of doing to impress you in the hopes of making you a repeat customer or maybe getting you to recommend them to people you know.

[@TheJimprez]

Yeah.. NOT!!! If I pay for a tatoo, it HAS to represent ME!!! Your BODY is worth more than some other person's idea of what they like..

[@adamm5141]

Ive seen places that have a lucky dip box of different pieces of flash, and you pick one at random and they're cheaper than getting a custom design

[@TRENKROM]

@@TheJimprez I let an artist tattoo their own design on me before and have no regrets. Its mt most beautiful peace and I even asked him to sign it

[@Gmtail]

Faaak..I really want some mini Pizzas now..

[@soda_galaxy]

Yo is this the dude from Alvin and the chipmunks?

[@winniebradson3831]

Watching him as a villain in Alvin and the Chipmunks as a kid, still makes me hate him 🤷‍♀️

[@bvannie93]

Beard is blue too

[@KickAssCowgirl27]

It's from all that paint when he was part of the Blue Man Group. Legend has it that his beard will always stay blue to remind him of which he came from- Once a Blue Man, always a Blue Man

[@sk8rpunk4real]

Good thing he was holding the mic with his strong hand😂😂

[@mooskyberm7562]

Lol

[@ChristianGiuseppe]

Ugh that’s not him

[@jhanick]

god i miss louie

[@dangol6848]

Week sause!

[@naterally1]

Stanley ?

[@elramdomxd3239]

Zero eres tu? :v