Dealing with ADHD and Impulsivity

Thank you so much to Sunsama for sponsoring this video! To try it out, use my link: www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd
Being impulsive is something everyone can understand, but those of us with ADHD can have our impulsivity out of our control. So what can we do to help us in dealing with our ADHD and impulsivity?
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[@HowtoADHD]

Thank you Sunsama for sponsoring this episode making my impulsivity a little easier ;) To try it out, click my link: www.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd

[@djperko1598]

Does this work? Need something that helps 🙈

[@maddness_c]

@@djperko1598 i've been using it since Feb, mostly for work. i think it's awesome. i like that it's searchable, so i can find notes/tasks i need to reference. it also helped me with time blindness - some things take longer/less time than i thought, so i can plan for those better in the future.

[@werbnaright5012]

I was recently almost fired for something I did while drunk, which I did impulsively, because ADHD. I have no recourse. I have no idea how to fix it because I can't change the past.

[@MarvelX42]

yup

[@ericad528]

I am very interested in sunsama but with 2.9 on the play store...it really doesn't shout, "Check me Out".

[@samanthawycoff855]

"Think before you act" is the absolute least helpful advice I got as a kid when I would get angry and say things that I'd later regret. I'd lash out before I even had a chance to register that I was feeling angry, which made me feel like I had no control over my anger and anxious about it happening again. I'm only now starting to learn how to manage my anger and impulsivity with the help of a therapist, but I wish I'd learned these skills a lot sooner.

[@JRCP144]

I relate to this *so hard*. Like, the anger is so hard to manage and it can be so destructive. People used to say how "fun" and "spontaneous" I was, because I would impulsively do things that only risked hurting myself... then they realised that I would lash out with that same disregard for other people. It definitely leaves you feeling like an awful person.

[@KennethFox]

What skills do you find most helpful? From a dad of at least 2 ADHD boys....

[@HenkjanDeKaasboer]

@@KennethFox For me, getting around my inpulsive retribution/lashing out I've come to terms with always having my 'handbrake' engaged. I'm 30 now, and I only gotten the hang of it at about 22. The years before that were somewhat of a rollercoaster at home and I'm going to point out that this was mostly because I was undiagnosed and had no help whatsoever. Combine this with a 'think before you act' & 'just work harder and get more serious' dad who unknowingly put oil on the proverbial fire and it was a recipe for disaster. If you have 2 ADHD kids, put them in therapy asap. Not just for meds, but moreso for help in processing emotions and finding their own handbraking system

[@Mjg6633]

Need to have therapy with meds. That was one of my biggest mistakes. A child cannot comprehend what these meds are doing.

[@Mjg6633]

Best advice. End arguments before they get out of control. Say I’m going to leave the room and give you time to calm down and we will revisit this. Not long 30 minutes or less. Cause when they calm down they will be clear again. Emotions rise and fall extremely fast in people with adhd. If you can give us a chance to calm down we usually will. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a situation where you’re being chewed out your freak out then the person won’t let you get away to think.

[@xxcapxr3611]

Very happy I have found your channel. It was suggested at 13 I had adhd and. My mom refused to accept or put me on meds. Well after 19 years and going through drug addiction, and getting clean I’m finally being tested. This channel really help and I am so grateful I found you and this channel.

[@HowtoADHD]

We're glad to have you

[@FlailTV]

I very much suspect your story is one that a lot of other people with more impulsive presentations of ADHD share. I know at least one person personally with a very similar experience. You're not alone. xx

[@sandradelaney8827]

Good for you, both in getting clean and for joining this huge support group. ADHD is so misunderstood by neurotypical people, and you’ll find it comforting to know that you’re not alone.

[@laurastephenson5169]

You can stay clean one day at a time. You can work on your ADHD 1 hour, one minute at a time. Don't give up. You are not alone.

[@xxcapxr3611]

@@laurastephenson5169 exactly and I hope to be able to find healthy coping mechanisms.

[@Evermorecurious]

Impulsivity was and is one of my biggest struggles with ADHD. One issue I’ve run into especially when it comes to responding to others is harnessing the balance between not having an immediate reaction and completely avoiding the situation. For the last few years I’ve become trapped in the cycle of avoidance because I didn’t want to react in the moment.

[@Tashax405]

Ah I do that too - I worry about saying the wrong thing and looking weird/causing offense so tend towards avoiding the situation/ putting off responding indefinitely which also makes me look rude - it's tricky

[@kanfjsnsneisn4295]

Same i used feel like I needed to respond to every sentence and it was awkward but now I don't say anything unless necessary, important, or I have to make myself clear

[@ripple_on_the_ocean]

So much me too!

[@edrumsense]

10000% agregó. IT´s always a real struggle to find that balance.

[@GETSPADES]

Perfectly explained me

[@danielanderson4075]

Growing up I always found it interesting when people told me that I was impulsive and that I should stop and think before I act. I always responded with: " Impulsivity is defined as acting before thinking. Therefore how can I stop and think if I am acting without thinking? If I was able to stop and think I wouldn't be impulsive now would I? "

[@biancacastafiore383]

Good respond!!

[@waffles3629]

Exactly!! It's like when you struggle to remember to put events into your calendar and people suggest a calendar. Like uh, what??? "Oh, you struggle to do X? Well have you considered doing X?". It's mind boggling.

[@vanillaicecream2385]

im envious of a lot of other adhd people since my adhd has gone untreated for so long i cannot tell where my adhd starts and where i end, am i just being lazy? or is it adhd, am i masking? or aren't i, i have no idea anymore

[@corra7]

Married my first boyfriend. Impulsive reaction. Didn’t work. Glad years later met a man who “gets me”.

[@Laueee95]

​@@vanillaicecream2385 A therapist can help you resolve this. I'm working with mine about it.

[@hupin]

I definitely prefer the text option when I need to get my thoughts out of my head in a heated moment. My wife has realised this when I get paralysed by anxiety and stop being able to talk. She asks if I'd like to continue over text and it helps me continue as, like you said, it allows me to get it out then look at it and make sure I'm getting my point across properly rather than force it out with speaking and forget the correct words or get jumbled etc.

[@alanaville6956]

I completely agree. Same here but the sad thing is that the text option is not always an "option" in every situation

[@jmaessen3531]

That's a cool option. Thanks for sharing!

[@JK-ek5jv]

Wow can I relate to this. That frozen moment has happened to me so many times over the years.

[@amphibeingmcshpongletron5026]

Your wife is a saint for that. Such a simple thing like this can really improve a relationship. I ALWAYS express myself better via text/writing. At least better in terms of how I WANT to express myself. I'll often write out everything I might want to impulsively say, read it out, realize it won't do anyone any favors (myself included), then work on revising and rewriting it to reflect what I think and how I feel in a way that's accurate, but won't be taken the wrong way. Unfortunately, few people have the patience to allow me to do this while actively confronting me face to face. They want the response NOW, but it often won't be the response either of us want.

[@Brigadoom3x3]

Wow! The same thing happens to me when I get too anxious. It's as if my vocabulary suddenly isn't available and my mind goes blank. Occasionally, anxiety has make me stutter.

[@alfictabla5215]

Ouch this hits the spot. I was diagnosed inattentive but when I look at how often I interrupt people, blurt things out, respond impulsively, buy things instantly, react instead of thinking, feel terribly offended at something that wasn't offensive... yeah, these are often the things that have hindered my life and relationships far more than inattentiveness.

[@78jgvincent57]

Exact same thing here. You’re not alone!

[@lashianagy4563]

Same here definitely not alone it's tough but we can navigate our lives in a positive way for sure

[@AnnabethOwl]

Same for me… I sent my parents her videos… maybe I can get a diagnosis?

[@wordhappyHazel]

"If I can't make a choice in the moment, I can make it for myself ahead of time." Jess, I LOVE this - thank you! 💜💜💜

[@HowtoADHD]

You're welcome! I hope it helps!

[@emilybelzer5773]

This also works when you're planning to go out drinking! 😄

[@user-xq3ry3jn7i]

@@HowtoADHD pleeeeas see my comment😍😗

[@amypeggs9606]

I loooove the concept of the pre-made decision about decisions you know often end badly. I learned about this idea/concept in Dana K White's cleaning podcasts/book and it has revolutionised the way I do things. I used to think "I need to clean, but where to start?" and that would overwhelm me and I'd impulsively do something else. Now I think "Where do I start? Dishes. Dishes is where I start." I'm not overwhelmed and I can go. And even if there are no dishes to be done it somehow kicks me into the right gear to continue anyway, instead of deciding to start with an overwhelming and non-urgent task like cleaning out the inside of a large cupboard nobody looks into.

[@HowtoADHD]

Oh I love that! Thank you so much for sharing!

[@InternetRando42]

My now ex-wife HATED that I wouldn’t just respond in the moment during an argument. But I was *terrified* that I would impulsively say the first negative thought to come out so I would just avoid responding. And she thought I was rude. I learned to try to wait and process… and be positive and self-effacing. However, I also learned not to make or hold boundaries, and to simply assume that I was always wrong or at fault. I have many faults, real ones, but feared allowing my emotions to show because I might speak ONLY my emotions and not the truth. It’s not about learning to pause, so much as committing to letting stimuli pass by without attachment. This seems to be the core of most mindfulness practices I’ve encountered. They seem to help strengthen the parts of the prefrontal cortex that *let* you have those pauses more naturally. It’s easier to lean into that, though, when you are in a situation to trust that you are safe and loved. Practice in your safe spaces. Find safe spaces. Make them if you must.

[@Tcray430]

considering the issues you have, you should have been kissing your ex wife feet. Adhd is no joke when it comes to relationships. The hardships of dealing with this disorder become unbearable most of time.. You should be thankful just for taking the shot of dating you, yet marrying you!

[@mireille0115]

since really young i decided that if i was upset/hurt/angry i just wouldn’t say ANYTHING so that I wouldn’t say the wrong thing and something hurtful that i didn’t mean. which worked out well in the sense that I achieved my goal, but also made others get more mad or aggravated (eg turns out that not responding and just crying and mumbling to myself while getting scolded and being asked for an explanation doesn’t read that well from the other person’s perspective 😅) but once I calmed down i’d also feel very little motivation to circle back and address whatever it was because it was “already settled” and I wasn’t sure i’d be able to state my thoughts without getting derailed by their response anyway, which just left the issue open for a future conflict. still a thing i’m trying to unlearn, especially now that my relationships are more equal (partner/friend as opposed to parent/teacher type) but some things that help are 1. letting them know in advance and setting up the expectation of what i will do and why i do that, 2. establishing a safeword or phrase that we both understand means for us to disengage, and 3. writing/noting down my thoughts while still upset (I don’t forget or lose the motivation to address the issue) then revisiting & editing after i’m calmer before sharing so i get to choose what and how i say things so that the other party will actually be able to understand my point. (bonus, sending it as a text means i can say what i intend to without getting emotionally riled up by their response, or distracted midway through, and they have time to digest and not become defensive in the heat of the moment. great groundwork for an actually fruitful talk later on)

[@tchrista]

James, this sounds like me and my boyfriend. When I get my foot caught in my mouth by saying something in a way I didn’t mean, or when he misunderstands what I was trying to say, I immediately start panicking that he’s going to leave me and I try to fix the situation. My instinct to fix often leads me to bombarding him with texts in attempt to apologize and backtrack, which leads him to ignoring my paranoid texts. While I know this is most likely because he needs space and time to think and do his own thing, my gut reaction yells at me, “How does he put up with you? Of course he’s not going to stay with someone like that!” I just started seeing a therapist again, thank goodness, and support here from fellow ADHDers is such a blessing as well. 💜

[@Breakthrough9]

My impulsiveness has gotten me fired from jobs. I don't always make the best decisions and I hate that. It can depress me if I think about it too much. This video helped me see that I'm not alone. Thanks.

[@ericderami]

Jessica....I am now 43 years old, long story short to say I have been struggling my whole life would be an understatement. I recently asked my doctor about ADHD, saw a Neurologist a few days ago and was told to see a Psychiatrist. In recent days I have been watching more videos from people with ADHD and fully convinced I have it. I just saw your TEDx video...I have never seen or heard anyone so precisely describe how my life has been! I don't even know what to say....If I could I would give you a big sobby, Bob from Fight Club, emotional hug!....now I am watching your videos here.... I literally feel like someone just lifted the weight of the world off my back. Thank You!

[@sandradelaney8827]

My neuro typical husband overheard your video, and said that he recognized that same impulsively in me. He knows what a problem it is, but didn’t value how substantial the struggle is. Thank you for being there for those of us who haven’t yet developed the strategies to be more successful in setting and achieving reasonable goals! Love you and your channel, dear.

[@David_Robert]

Hello 👋 How are you doing?!

[@HeatherMajors]

Sandra, your comment resonates with me and my neuro typical husband does not always get it either. He ties but how can one know if that is not their lived experience. Glad it sound like your husband took a moment to think about your side of the equation, that is super helpful I would bet.

[@hella.more.than.strange]

*Hi! I just wanted to thank You from the bottom of my heart for everything You're putting out to the internet. Yesterday I FINALLY got my diagnosis. It was a big struggle - in Poland where I'm from ADHD "isn't a woman thing". So I felt like an outcast and just less of a human for my whole life... Finally I understand. I understand my brain struggles and it doesn't make me less than other people. Thank You, for giving me the support I need, thanks to You and this community I don't feel alone. I love You all, thank You once again!*

[@dees3179]

Congratulations!

[@Atenana]

Congratulations! I also live in Poland and i've been recently diagnosed with adhd thanks to this channel. You're not alone and I'm very happy for you! :)

[@louern123]

how did you make your comment bold??🎉

[@lordcailx]

🎉🎉🎉 Congrats! 👏👏👏 Time for a celebration! It's really easy to see from Lived Experiences that getting a diagnosis is so positive for the person receiving it because it instantly gives them a deeper understanding of and confidence in who they are and should be celebrated every time! Is there a Neurodiversity Pride parade? Because there damn well should be!

[@Plethorality]

@@lordcailx maybe there should be, but do you think we would turn up on the right day??? ; )

[@KillerCat03]

Just did my first course drop in college. Fell behind because my meds stopped working, but now I'm so relieved that I don't have to grind (or think about catching up while doing nothing lol) for a class that I don't need. Just got a new prescription today! Thank you so much for teaching us to not be ashamed about our differences. Sometimes we have to stand our ground and be our own advocate, and I'm so grateful for this channel giving me a way to learn about myself and others like us.

[@lyianx]

How did you know your meds stopped working? Ive kinda of noticed that the first dose that i ever got, worked great, but since then, getting them from difference places (even tho its listed as the same) didnt work or didnt work as well.

[@KillerCat03]

@@lyianx When I first started taking Ritalin IR, I didn't feel different but behaved differently. I was suddenly able to just get up and get stuff done when I wanted to. I even became less time blind, which was super cool. I stopped my snacking when I was bored, and I was weirdly more able to identify traits of myself that were ADHD, but I didn't notice at the time before. Now, I have the urge to snack all day again. I can't sit through a lecture without falling asleep. I can't bring myself to do a project, even if it's broken down into parts. This is how I was before meds, but it wasn't as excruciating this time since I knew it was probably my meds wearing off and that I shouldn't have to stress over how my brain works.

[@therealb888]

Welcome brain!. Never be ashamed of who you are. But never stop trying either

[@emilybelzer5773]

Good for you!!

[@variyasalo2581]

I had many, many drops and "shouldda" drops in college. Eventually I found an excellerated degree program that helped me graduate with a 3.8. You can do it. By the time I took Algebra the third time I was teaching others in my class with helpful hacks to get it done right! Hang in there! Do it on your own time schedule. Chunk work into bits. Schedule everything, and remember every time you get a bit done it counts. So reward yourself (but you might want to avoid alcohol rewards!)! Good luck!

[@Guywiththetypewriter]

Stand by you saved my life. I was 25 and had an Aspergers Syndrome Diagnosis and a Low-Self Esteem as the only two gifts I'd received from my mom and the NHS. Without your videos, I would of never even questioned it. Turns out, they were wrong. Aspergers was a misdiagnosis, I always had ADHD (Never had the social issues that come with A.S other than foot in mouth). 2 years later I'm a medicated, confident 27 year old guy who , yes is still recovering from 20+ years of misdiagnosis trauma and a bit of exestensial dread.... but I am doing 100x better. And that in large part is due to you! So thank you.... you helped me realise I wasn't alone :')

[@andrewtester2664]

You articulated this perfectly. People say “think before you speak”. And I’m like, “I can’t.” The worst thing about it for me is when I hurt someone and it’s too late. I wish I could pause in the moment, but I literally can’t make a choice, it just comes out 😔

[@whracing]

We don’t have filters. People Dom tinder stand that. Iv hurt people in the past, including family and friends. Argued with managers which lead to being my own boss. Sole trader. Me myself and I. And sometimes that’s to much lmao

[@PhonePole]

We don’t have the 150ms break from brain to mouth. I’ve said and done a lot of impulsive dreadful things. I’ve been bullied through adulthood. Now, I’m agoraphobic and only go out for short times. I have deep seeded issues that cause what looks like rage, but people can’t tell I’m mad at me again.

[@HelenaVanCity]

@@PhonePole I'm 51, and only recently discovered that (almost) every time I lose it, I’m actually "mad at me again" - at my own laziness, cowardice, lack of will power, etc., etc. I'm tired of trying to fit into this world, and like you, I have minimized my interaction with people to pretty much absolute zero.

[@rozakhan2811]

The whole class laugh teacher get pissed becaz I just cannot shut my 👄 mouth

[@charlotteperry6747]

I have ADHD and my older sister has markers for it too. I find that our impulsivity comes out in different ways. Hers is very much tied to emotions and words, and can often be very hurtful. It's frustrating for my family sometimes, especially because I've worked very hard and masked a lot over the years to control what I say before I say it. But then I remember that my impulsivity comes out in other ways which can also be very hard, like the fact that I feel the need to immediately retreat and isolate out of the blue for days on end. Or that I get countless impulsive ideas and plans for the day that almost never happen, which can be leave me disappointed with myself. Trying to find a way to relate to people's struggles, especially when they manifest differently, or just in a way they can deal with, has allowed me to have a better relationship with my family and myself.

[@realBatman-89]

Felt this.

[@LetaLee90]

Me, too

[@theguaable]

Blurting out hurtful words isn't necessarily an ADHD thing, it could be coming from something else.

[@nehamaw]

Omg impulsively. I feel like a bird attracted to shiny things sometimes. The shiny things being whatever I'm interested in at that moment.

[@soda9121]

So relatable

[@HowtoADHD]

Oh gosh yes, that's such a good analogy! Love it!

[@Woolanie]

Oh yeah... same here. And it really stresses me out because I actuelly need structure and routine due to my autism....

[@angel-6776]

Hi Impulsive, I'm Dad. In all honesty I've been diagnosed with adhd recently, and this channel has been nothing but a blessing so far. Just wanted to say thanks a bunch!

[@bashbunny313]

I just love how every time you say something on your channel, my mind is like, "thank god, I'm not alone". Thank you for existing and keep up the good work Jessica

[@SOPHSOPH.]

Tw: sh I tend to impulsively harm myself before situations are resolved, and I've noticed that I'm not alone. It's actually not an uncommon struggle with ADHD people and I think it should be talked about more.

[@HenkjanDeKaasboer]

This is also something you REALLY should be discussing with your therapist. Self harm is often related to lack of control while craving/wanting control and lack of ability to express otherwise. A therapist can help heaps with both

[@SOPHSOPH.]

@@HenkjanDeKaasboer I've been seeing a counselor for years already, but I appreciate your words 💜

[@steggopotamus]

It's probably going to be found that it's in line with the addiction issues that people with ADHD can have with addiction combined with trauma.

[@SOPHSOPH.]

@@steggopotamus that's very accurate, tysm for contributing to discussing mental health and neurological diversity 💜💜💜💜

[@giovanichavez1730]

My girlfriend Nataly and I just found your channel yesterday and I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the help you spread with your videos. I was never educated on ADHD, Nataly has ADHD but I never truly understood what It was or how it affected her. We've been together for 4 years and yesterday I couldn't stop crying in private because of all the times I thought or said it was because she wasn't trying hard enough. With that said I just finished watching your TED Talk and you're truly an inspiration to anyone with or without ADHD, God bless you and those around you. Thank you once again.

[@OfficialLeahJude]

I keep thinking about this, ADHD obviously isn’t a mistake. Our heads work as innovators. We start a business and then wander away and leave it to someone else. We learn a language and give up 5 minutes away from fluency. We invent a product and once it’s perfect we head off to the next, barely enjoying our success. I’m on stimulants and sometimes I think the only reason we take them is to fit into a world of employees, not business owners, not free thinkers. The older I get the more I see that we are the ones that are “normal” in that we think outside of the box and create. Idk my mind has been going bat s**t since the shortage, I’m probably overthinking (as usual) 😅

[@hannahschwen8250]

Love this thought. Just a few weeks ago, my mom said something like "You are the ones who sailed across oceans and explored unknown places, and everyone thought you were crazy, but look at how much bigger the world is because of people like you." Lean in to the good, we are incredible 💃✌️

[@OfficialLeahJude]

@@hannahschwen8250 yesssss!!!!!

[@radmomthoughts3507]

My dad has crazy ADHD, dropped out of his first year of college and went on to start multiple businesses and ended up being really successful in commercial real estate. This is the same guy who literally cannot watch a KZbin video more than 10 minutes long. He is my hero.

[@OfficialLeahJude]

@@radmomthoughts3507 That actually makes perfect sense. Unless something is insanely stimulating, I can’t really focus well on it either, but I can HYPER FOCUS on something that I’m interested in, to the point I won’t sleep or eat. I think so many of us relate to that.

[@vampyrelle]

yeah, you’re overthinking. We are “normal” in the sense that our brain differences are a part of normal human diversity. We have our strengths, but we have flaws too. It’s not a gift or a curse, it just “is.”

[@pvtpain66k]

I'm very much at the point of "i'm having strong feels about this! Time for a 'time out' to consider how I actually feel." and it feels really weird to be loitering for 20 mins in stores, but saves me money & makes me feel much less bad when I get home! :>

[@HowtoADHD]

Ohhhhhh that's smart! I love it!

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

Can't tell you how many times I've wandered around a store with an item in my cart trying to decide if I really wanted/needed it. Most of the time I end up putting it back, so it really helps with impulse buying. I feel a bit odd doing it too, and wonder if security is watching me closely, lol, but hey, it works for me! Edit: Sometimes, if I just can't decide in the store, usually due to distractions or time restraints, I'll buy the item and bring it home, but leave it in the bag with the receipt and tags left on. I keep the bag in a spot where I won't forget about it and then give it some time and if I decide not to keep it, it's ready to return the next time I go shopping. It sounds strange, but sometimes just "owning" it for awhile helps me figure out if I REALLY need it, or if it would end up being useless clutter to manage.

[@hindenburg2006]

@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane i do the same thing💚

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

@@hindenburg2006 Good to know I'm not alone, lol! 😆

[@AnnabethOwl]

I am in high school and Yesterday I was doing math homework, online. I kept hitting the “check answer” and it kept putting a red x ❌. I was getting frustrated because I could not get it right. I started at 7:10 and around 8:30 I started getting very frustrated and close to breaking my computer. At 9:30( I definitely should have stopped) my mom came over to help and I ended up yelling at her without thinking about it😢 I also broke my phone by throwing it at the ground because I was frustrated😢

[@birichinaxox9937]

"I feel like i don't have a choice, and i want that choice" so huge. For me asd and adhd the always stuck at whims of others, especially when disagreements or arguments. Constantly feeling everyone else gets to act how they like and are accepted but not me, as get discarded not tolerated or even embraced. Thanks for sharing

[@nataliethewitch1086]

3 minutes in and I feel like this was written for me specifically. especially when I say things that hurt people impulsively.

[@HowtoADHD]

Hope the video helps

[@Light-ib7fg]

4 minutes in i can't even focus on the video anymore

[@ljn716]

And now I'm realizing that a lot of my decision paralysis is a compensation for my impulsivity. So thank you for that. In terms of verbal impulsivity especially in arguments, my husband and I accidently found a helpful tip - break the cycle with a joke or something silly (I'm the ADHD/bipolar one and he's NT). It helps us a lot as a couple.

[@farojaco]

Decision paralysis, definitely me

[@samanthacallaway2276]

Oh man I’m gonna have to try something like this. Both me and my fiancé have severe ADHD, with other co-morbid disorders in the mix, plus he is suspected of being ASD. It can make arguments difficult and more inflamed than they need to be, so we often have to check in and see “okay what is this REALLY about?”

[@MrKazekoh]

This is me. I don't make decisions very well because the ones I have gotten to me in deep trouble 😭

[@courtneymelodyann1098]

I feel this, for me it feels like the only reason I'm not as impulsive is because of how bad my anxiety is. And now I'm starting to think it might be possible that my issues with depression and anxiety may stem from never having been diagnosed with adhd and its a struggle to get my psychiatrists to believe me because of focusing on my depression and anxiety. I'm also struggling with getting my parents to believe me that my sister might have adhd because of how well behaved she is in school and such and it's frustrating because I don't want my sister to turn into me.

[@lanzelet7386]

I felt this in my soul. I feel like psychiatrists only want to talk about depression/anxiety but not what's causing them. I'm almost entirely convinced at this point that they're caused by the shame and disappointment I've felt because of undiagnosed ADHD. And my mom won't believe me because depression/anxiety can cause ADHD symptoms and that's what she deals with is clinical depression. But I'm also entirely convinced my dad has undiagnosed ADHD and so does my brother. I think I'm going to try a therapist next and see if they can either evaluate me or refer me to someone who can. I hope you can help your sister get the help she needs!!

[@mollipruitt6078]

This is my story. Take the additudemag quiz and show them. Dr. Ned Hallowell has a checklist of 82 behaviors. Look at those and share with your dr. Pulling for you!

[@supersonictumbleweed]

Well you figured this here out! You'll sister will do fine

[@Nichen]

Thank you so much, this channel is the feelgood-channel I know of when I hate myself because of my ADHD. I start to actually accept myself instead and learn that I am NOT a failure.

[@juliewhiteMobile]

This is where medication has really had the biggest impact for me. It helps me to control my foot in mouth syndrome.

[@kathleensavoy1736]

Came here for this. Guanfacine has been the difference between being That Jerk who spends too much money and eats junk, and being a more temperant, deliberate person (who still messes up sometimes, but feels capable of owning it and doing better).

[@vorpled]

With ritalin in my system far fewer things make it to checkout, far fewer snacks are eaten, far fewer defensive snaps occur, and far fewer things lead me to meltdown before I've even had a chance to actually think about why something was hurtful or annoying.

[@vorpled]

@@kathleensavoy1736 Guanfacine has been really helpful for me too, but in a different way. It quietens down and weakens the negative self-talk catastrophising cycle for me. I find I can actually argue with my brain now, at least sometimes, which I wasn't able to do before.

[@mikegager]

Guanfacine has really helped me as well!

[@kathleensavoy1736]

@@vorpled It does that for me as well, which is why I was willing to fight tooth and nail with insurance for it ;)

[@kaylis.3904]

I could never figure out how to tell people why sometimes I just prefer texting, but you just explained exactly how I feel and want to say… thank you for sharing ❤

[@shawncasey2973]

In therapy before diagnosis, I kept hearing a quote by Viktor Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response." I never had that "space". It was frustrating to hear that quote frequently thrown at me to pause and think before I act, but it really feels like Stimilus => Reaction => Consequences => Response. Taking Medication for the first time showed me what that space feels like. I cried when I finally understood that relationship. Thank you for this!

[@TinaEstesMusic1]

I just stumbled onto your TEDx talk and I just cried and cried. You’ve brought me so much hope and I feel SEEN and understood. Thank you so much for never giving up on yourself-it’s because of your story that I am so inspired to keep going.

[@alastairwood7277]

As someone who sought a diagnosis last week after masking for years and knowing for close to 2 years I likely have ADHD. This channel has genuinely changed my perspective to someone I was ashamed to confront and really helped me take that first step. So a monumental thank you for firstly educating me but critically for giving me the Platform to make this life changing step

[@younesaomari4290]

one of the things I love about this channel is the fact that there's no dramatic music in the background

[@shanaabell6252]

Agree and so me, such a double edge. I do though tell everyone and their mother, sorry not sorry I have ADHD. We need imo to talk about. It’s been super enriching and helpful to blurt out “gah sorry I have adhd and….” Most of the time it opens up incredible conversations and has allowed others to talk about their struggles. Adhd is not an excuse but we do need accommodation just like others who struggle.

[@Adan11961]

Hey! I am in love with your channel. Have been a fan since a few years. I got diagnosed at 27 3 years ago. Have been using your channel for resources, tips, tricks, and to gain a better understanding. I also often share it with people who think they have ADHD or with people dealing with us, including my life coaches and therapists. Thank you and I love your work and effort. I love that you correct yourself, that you approach it with positivity, openness and self acceptance, and that you don't fall into the stereotypes or categorical descriptions. Honestly, you're the best ADHD channel out there, despite there being quite a few good ones!

[@HowtoADHD]

Thank you so much!! It means a lot to be held in such high regard

[@stoneyvowell1239]

Instead of trying to "correct" my impulsivity, I try to make it useful. Being mindful about it definitely helps me not be so impulsive, but also helps me understand how my impulsivity can work for me not just against me. It definitely does help a lot making decisions in advance and setting things in motion so that things actually get done without having to procrastinate and do them last minute. Some things still slip through the cracks though. I still have quite a few household and Automotive projects going.

[@wendybatstone5675]

YES! this is so our son. Prides himself on his "honesty," but really hurts people sometimes with that.

[@rodhayes628]

This is spot on. There is no “pause” button and I’ve always been impulsive

[@cjboyo]

When I was about 20 my impulsive spending got out of control. I ended up giving my wife the reigns of our money for awhile and I slowly took back control as I practiced. If you have a spouse you trust this can be a good solution.

[@NinjaOwns1032]

Yes! Thank you for addressing this. One thing that has frustrated me so much having ADHD is that it feels like my personal agency is taken away from me. Like I have to do what ADHD wants to do, and not what I want/should do. I feel like I don’t have really any self control, and the only way to cope is to justify me doing what my ADHD wants so it doesn’t feel like pulling my own teeth. I’m still not sure how to control it in a healthy way, and I don’t want my life to be dictated on whatever is most interesting because that will surely kill me. Most healthy things we need to do to survive physically, mentally, and spiritually, are boring. I want my self control back. I want to be able to choose how I react to situations. I want to be able to go to sleep when I want to, not when my ADHD wants to. Anyways, I’ll be getting diagnosed officially this afternoon so hopefully I can get some answers and help with this.

[@annathomas2029]

Jes I LOVE that you left the awkward, vulnerable pauses in this edit. I can see myself in those pauses, in the pain in your eyes. I just wanna encourage you not to hide that. I needed to see today that other people with adhd are going through the same thing as me. Thank you for your vulnerability it made me feel less alone today.

[@aboomination897]

You were one of the ADHD KZbinrs that helped me learn a lot during the year. I'm now diagnosed, combined type. A bit afraid but also hopeful regarding meds. Thank you!

[@Kai-Xi]

Being able to type out and see my thoughts before the other person receives them is so helpful. There have been so many times when I wrote what my first instinct was to say, only to realize that is not what I actually want to say, and because I didn't speak it, I have time to change it.

[@Julianomsaway]

I find myself fighting back tears with every video of yours that I watch, because you help me not feel so alone. Thank you so much for starting this channel.

[@Obsessedandstuff]

i relate so much! its how we just cant stop or slow down before accidently hurting the people we care about the most...

[@mack-about]

Thank you for being so brave - both in constantly working so hard to better yourself (and to better take care of yourself too), and in openly sharing your experience. You give me the hope and knowledge that I need to keep going. Thank you!

[@laurabarltrop-realtor55]

Making choices ahead of time for things that you know will enevitably happen is brilliant! Definitely need to use this for my conversations with my very unhelpful family.

[@jabolbot9371]

It’s good you are working on impulsivity on your terms. It was punished out of me in grade school. Lifelong effects from that. I often can think before I speak. As long as I’m not too stressed. You’ll do great!

[@wren8423]

im in pretty much the exact same situation right now and im so grateful you made this video, your whole channel makes me feel so validated and hopeful❤

[@heatherengland1042]

This resonates with me a lot. I recently lost a job that I liked because of my “communication style.” They didn’t elaborate beyond that reason but I’m sure it has to do with my habit of interrupting people while they’re talking. I rarely find space between thinking a thought and speaking. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose jobs because I don’t know how to interact with people properly.

[@jeffreychavey4161]

I have that issue, also. I now try (not always successful) to let people finish what they have to say first. Hope your next job turns out better

[@KingPoseidon02]

I am always talking or doing things without thinking. Being told as a teenager, to think before I speak was difficult, if not impossible. I'm glad for this video as it gives me appreciation for things that have happened in my life.

[@samanthalillian155]

I just happened across your TED X talk today, and thus your channel, and I want to thank you SO much for creating this! I've unknowingly been struggling with ADHD my whole life, and now that I'm a 32 year old teacher and new mom and performer, I'm looking for new avenues to help me work with (and not against) myself, and am really looking forward to learning from your videos. Thank you so much!

[@stad493]

I just got in a car accident today. I’m fine, but my mom was telling me, hey, it slippery, go slow. But my brain was telling me that I’m fine, you’re late it doesn’t matter. Now here I am with whiplash. I didn’t think about the fact that an accident could even be possible. And it’s really irritating that I don’t stop and think. Every time that I have hit anything in my life is because I was in a hurry. I don’t slow down and think about the consequences of my actions. Thank you for making these videos. It makes me feel heard and that my emotions are valid❤️❤️

[@mallorymacdonald1162]

I'm so happy to have found this channel it makes me feel like it's the first time in my life I've been understood.

[@iveneverseenahealthyvegan.9885]

Why do many people live with regret, frustration, excuses, trying to fit into a Boring Neurotypical World ? I have slowly gained confidence with who I truly am. I embrace my positives and negatives and freely share them with others if appropriate. Keep up your good work Jessica. 🇬🇧🙂

[@eldorado5319]

👏👋👏 Chapeau, you nailed it! Impulsivity is the at the core in "my" ADHD. Impulsivity is the main reason I made all those bad decisions in my life and is the main reason for most of the ADHD tax I paid over the years. I improved a lot in the last six years since I was diagnosed, I would say it's 90% better now. But that last 10% will always be there, waiting for that moment my mindfulness is taking a nap and BANG it strikes back! I trained my executive functions so hard over the years but the impulsivity will not disappear no matter what coping strategies I use. 🙏 Namasté Jessica

[@bettertogether5774]

Hi Jess I have recently as in 2 weeks ago been diagnosed with ADHD at 48 yrs old thank you your videos are great support and are helping me understand my condition and the changes I need to make.

[@nachoijp]

I started on my meds yesterday! I'm so excited to finally see if I can be who I want to be. I have a lot to thank this channel in helping me get this, and I wish you have the best life you can!

[@wheretheseedbegins4]

Yes totally impulsive totally have ADHD can 100% agree that impulsivity can be a pro and a con really sucks when it's a con since some of those impulsive decisions are real doozies and the consequences can be looming and create plenty of regret and anxiety. Happy to have you address this aspect of ADHD! Ty! 😉

[@bronwynlennox1240]

Oof, right in the feels. This is me. And same, I'm constantly starting new projects and saying yes to things but not following through. I feel like I need a team - I generate ideas, the team makes the dream happen!

[@dougmcgee6075]

Just found this channel a week ago. I've been watching through many of these videos. Thank you for sharing your journey and your knowledge on living with adult ADHD. I can relate to impulsivity. I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult.

[@Atenana]

Thank you so much for this video, the timing is perfect, I recently started my medication and wasn't sure what's adhd and what's just me :) I don't feel alone anymore. Thank you.

[@mikaylacraghead9660]

How do you always end up posting a video about exactly what I'm struggling with, exactly whe I need to hear it 💕

[@MaxRamos8]

She's the Genie for ADHD brains 😁

[@HenkjanDeKaasboer]

Hyvemiiiiind

[@sierrasebring5144]

I was thinking the exact same thing.

[@Mrjonnyjonjon123]

Wow, I honestly had this video on in the background but hearing you getting so emotional really got to me. I got diagnosed about a year ago and have been trying to deal with my symptoms. Impulsivity wasn't one that I took seriously at first but the more and more I went on it became apparent it was a huge problem. I'm tight on cash currently, trying to avoid getting money from my savings, but I keep buying stuff I don't need or want a week later. I curse or yell at small inconveniences and people notice. In the past, (before I was diagnosed) I have even broken things out of rage (intentionally or unintentionally). I'm glad you made this video, I need to find ways to control it as you said

[@JonathanPaz]

I really appreciated the inclusion of several of these pauses you were talking. I could see that you were reliving some very painful moments in your life. I've done that so much that is can feel like entire seasons of my life are pools of regret. Thank you for sharing.

[@XiarelGC]

I’ve just been diagnosed , your channel has been really helpful through this process. It’s been so daunting

[@CassTheOptimist]

Late diagnosis here. Your videos have been a HUGE help in understanding me and being able to parent my son in an ADHD friendly way (he's been diagnosed for about 5yrs now). Thank you for this. I hadn't realized the times I've been impulsive until you brought it up and got me thinking.

[@David_Robert]

Hello 👋 How are you doing??

[@beautifulenigma1724]

Definitely agree with running some messages by someone before sending. I used to be really impulsive with sending things when I was angry. Now if I want to like, send an email to the management of my apartment complex about a complaint, I’ll send it to my mom to make sure I’m not too snarky lol (and because chronic illness brain fog can make things not make sense, and because I also have ptsd and get anxious if I think someone will get angry with me, so I want to make sure what I’m sending is okay)

[@carolinar4973]

Finding information on ADD/ADHD felt like reading a file about me. Thank you so much, your videos have been a big help lately 💖 Love from Brazil

[@willieclark2256]

Pre-choosing is huge! Thanks for being vulnerable for those who feel like they can't.

[@christopherkelly9153]

Incredibly impulsive here too. I wish I could have a money manager. And that is saying something since I have been an actual registered Financial Advisor.

[@HowtoADHD]

That is SUCH a mood. I used to work for Financial Advisors, and my husband is a Licensed Assistant... and money is still a struggle!! - Harley, Community Manager

[@sarahuhlich6833]

Thank you for this. My kid has more of the impulse challenges than I do and it put some things into/back into perspective for me. I also loved the discussion around job loss because of it and how you weren’t given the choice; my job retention struggle is in the being on time area, but the heartbreak of “my actions but not my intention” is the same and it’s nice to be reminded I’m not alone ❤

[@David_Robert]

Hello 👋 How are you doing??

[@whoisj]

😍 just you admitting to these things and talking about them in public is such a wonderful service to your fellow humans. 😍 I am in awe of your bravery and honesty.

[@adrenalin221]

I just recently got diagnosed with adhd and got a tip about your channel.. before I didn't understand why I did some things... ur channel have helped me alot... thank you for doing these videos

[@mof920]

I recently did something very impulsive and regretful. I know how to just keep going and lay in the bed I made, but it's one of those things that I know will haunt me for a long time. Controlling my impulsivity becomes, as you mentioned, harder the more emotional I get, so one of my strategies has always been that if I'm in a high emotions situation, I walk out or end it and then come back to it when emotions are lower. I have said and done many regretful, hurtful, and even unforgivable things due to this, but being aware of our impulsivity I think can solve a lot of our problems with ADHD.

[@lexdenysenko9987]

This is such a great channel. Thank you for being so candid. I recommend hour channel to patients and family of people with adhd. Keep up this great work!

[@HowtoADHD]

Thank you so much!! That means a lot

[@cainfalconer3492]

Feel impulse building, engage procrastination, procrastination starting to fade, still feeling impulse, engage over thinking.

[@verity-luna7176]

Thank you so much for making this video. As a teenage girl with adhd, I struggle a lot with getting distracted and procrastination, but impulsivity is the hardest thing. I feel so seen right now.

[@lisa_in_space]

Immediately clicked on this video! Thank you 😊 Your channel is an inspiration to me its helped so much through my diagnosis and treatment process ❤️

[@HowtoADHD]

You're welcome! Glad you find our content helpful!

[@francinesmith1889]

This video is also called “How to Make Your ADHD Work for You” 😆 Linking my impulsivity to Big Emotions has helped me slow down, too. I also took it a step further by using my mental hyperactivity to plan for things to say in a “in case of fire, break glass” situation 😂

[@sandrab4383]

I have just recently found your channel. I want to Thank you so much for helping us the community to understand this debilitating disorder. I have been in the dark about it and just constant sadness and anger because I just didn't understand why we do thing with out thinking or just not simply able to organize our life's. this is truly an eye opener and a lot of clarity. I just finally took a huge step on finally getting some help and getting the right medication that I needed. Very happy that I am not alone. thank you.

[@enchantedkyo526]

Love this! Sums up a lot. There are times where I tell myself and stop myself because not everything requires a response.

[@darksmiley5081]

Impulsivity is such a challenge for me, like, especially financially. I see something I want - and buy it. If I don't have the money, I ask people over and over and I feel really bad because of it. My meds usually help with my emotions so I am more in control of what I am saying and doing, but for buying things it's like I am not even actively realizing it anymore. And that sucks :( but I am trying to think as soon as I have the thing in my hands, if I actually need it, or simply want it for the sake of having it. And mostly, it's the latter. There's nothing wrong with getting something I really want, but I am hoping to limit that to, maybe, not buying something as a treat every three days

[@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

Impulse buying something we think we really want or need gives us a dopamine boost that feels great, but is short-lived... until we do it again. It can become a real issue for people with ADHD. One thing I do is walk around the store with the item in my cart to see if I REALLY want/need it. If I still can't decide, I buy it, but when I get home, I leave it in the bag with the receipt and tags left on. I put the bag in a place where I won't forget about it, but where I'm not constantly looking in it because it's in the way. Many times a week or so would go by and I would look in the bag, forgetting what was even in it! That would tell me it was something I really didn't need or want as bad as I thought at the time, and I then just take it with me the next time I go shopping and return it. Sounds weird, but it has helped save me a lot of money and kept useless clutter out of my home that I would otherwise have to manage.

[@HenkjanDeKaasboer]

I feel like I love adding stuff to online baskets more than that I actually like paying for them. So I currently have 3 websites open where I have stuff in my baskets, and before I buy anything I have a 24h thought period and reflect on whether it is indeed such an amazing thing to get.

[@transformativegreenspacest1898]

You have earned my kids trust. Now that they are teenagers and have been watching you for years, I really appreciate your videos because my kids actually hear you ( in comparison to me, info goes in the one ear without an ear bud and comes right back out again, brain blocked by their need for autonomy). Thank you for your videos, they are so spot on and my teens are happy to reference them for use in their own lives!

[@juliemartinez3312]

I am very grateful for your program. I am going back as far as I can to watch them all. I have recently found out that I have ADHD very bad and you are helping me understand how my brain works which is something I've been trying to figure out for 60 years . thank you thank you thank you ❤

[@goofball2228]

Impulsivity has always been a huge problem for me. I’ve gotten hurt, and gotten into a lot of trouble because of it.

[@vindicated30.6]

This is so relevant to me. I have ADHD, OCD, Tourette's and Asperger's. Sharing with my therapist!

[@BEBELILIKIKIROBLOX1234]

"Think before you act" is so meaningful as someone that has ADHD

[@emotioningames]

Your message is beautifully said, having a choice is indeed a very important thing. Thank you for spreading compassion to others and ourselves.

[@Lunadish]

I impulsively clicked on this, it's like my fingers had a life of their own 🤣. At this point though I think it's reflex to click on any of your videos cause they help.. they help a whole lot.

[@MaxRamos8]

Honestly mine do too, I crumple things withought knowing it, when I was a child I Allways ruined my mother's purse handles by accident! And I misplace things cuz my focus is talking to a family member and my hands just fiddle around

[@Lunadish]

@@MaxRamos8 Wow, that must have been rough🥲.

[@HowtoADHD]

Awwwww glad they help!

[@jadibdraws]

When I use to think about impulsivity I always thought of it in a dangerous way. I've realized though I am sometimes impulsive with the things I say but I've worked on that. But as far as relationships and money I'm like the opposite of impulsive to the point that other ppl try to get me to loosen up, I think my upbringing effected that. But yeah I'm more impulsive with the things I may say or fun things I want to do. An example is I'm suppose to be doing something else maybe even something kinda important but I saw something fun I wanted to do and start doing it instead lol.

[@PredictableEnigma]

Me too. I was told very early on that I'm at a higher risk for addiction and bankruptcy because of my ADHD so I went "Nuh uh not me" and avoided trying any vices and over think purchuses out of fear of becoming that. But I think I do make snap decisions on day to day stuff.

[@iamshadmirza]

You are a blessing for a confused man like me. Thank you so much for creating this channel.

[@crystaldubson7722]

Thanks for sharing all of this! It's helpful to see I'm not the only one dealing with a lot of these things &what works for you and everyone that shares that.

[@TheEDFLegacy]

Boy, impulsivity is hard to overcome! It can be one of my greatest traits, but also _the_ greatest hurdle.

[@HowtoADHD]

Right?! Gotta love that double edged sword!

[@karastired]

One thing that's slowed down my impulsiveness has been chronic pain and chronic health. Neither of those things are good things, but there have been times I've had an impulse and actually had time to stop and think it through. My body will tell my brain "why the #@!! do you think we have the ability or energy to do that right now?!" and then my brain will be like "oh crap, forgot lmao sorry"

[@HowtoADHD]

Oof yeah I can imagine!!!

[@gm49334]

I relate to this video more than possibly any of the other ones (although I relate to so many). I think my biggest struggle in my personal and professional life is that lack of a pause between a thought entering my kind and leaving my mouth when in the middle of a conversation. I have always found it easier to communicate via text since I have time to consider word choice, but in talking, I have no ability to stop and consider whether the words accurately reflect my meaning or whether they actually need to be said or can just be left alone. I never thought of it as ADHD making it so I don’t have a choice, but it’s the best description I didn’t know I needed to hear because it’s exactly what it is. Unfortunately, a lot of the times in my professional life, I don’t know that I can preplan choices, so I may need to keep looking for other options to set myself up for success, but thank you for making me aware that there may be strategies and options out there to prevent the choice from being taken from me.

[@Awntry]

I've never been diagnosed or checked out I think because externally I can present myself well and none of my issues seem to be as severe as yours or others who are diagnosed. But at the same time I've been following your videos for a long time because so much of them has helped me. So regardless, thank you for making and sharing them