Debunking Your Abuser's Lies with Dr. David E Clarke | Episode 541 | Awesome Marriage Podcast

[@kathyspaulding5326]

“Narcissism is one person slowly destroying another person. It is hardcore. As serious as it gets.”

[@brendaleverick3655]

My ex-husband tried to destroy me. But, the marriage only lasted for five years. I was in love with him for decades after he left me too. Until I started learning about narcissism. Then, I was finally able to accept who and what he had been, and let him out of my heart. Narcs switch up their behavior every day. So, you can never really have hope for them.

[@tional5266]

You’ve overcome the addiction, bravo! ❤

[@denisemegenhardt2974]

So True

[@donnayoung4289]

Sometimes it not codependent it trama

[@louisehroncich281]

I was love bombed by a narc even though I was a strong career minded woman. Once I got in the whirlwind marriage I realized there was no room for me. I had 2 daughters I put all my energy into and tried to get back into my career and he destroyed everything. I am still in survival mode after being separated 15 years and being taught a “lesson” from the “church”that is treating me like an indentured slave. Thanks for the podcasts, it helps to hear to numb the pain.

[@lilyflower1168]

Something has gone VERY WRONG in churches as they seem to breed these monsters

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Hang in there. I was married 40 years. It became impossible because he got worse with age and alcohol. I’ve been out a year. We have kids together and he ruined the family. I was watching a Christian podcast the other day and it was supposed to be encouragement for women to get away from their abuser, and instead they started talking about how wimpy men should learn to get a backbone,

[@jill4268]

That's exactly what happens 💯‼️🎀

[@denisemegenhardt2974]

They are NOT going to change.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

My impression is the Church is the last bastion of misogyny. Pastors may mean well but as a group women are wayward and men are righteous. I tiptoed around divorce until I had the evidence. That included no boyfriends; he tried to push me into it so it would be my fault. Inst

[@ckvarnmass]

I want to thank you, gentlemen. It is very sorrowful, that narcissistic men, because there are so many of them, paint a bad light on other men, and so many women’s eyes all men are alike. I’ve never had a good experience with a man in my life, despite turning myself inside out to make it work. I gave up about 30 years ago. I’m now 73 and it’s very refreshing to hear the two of you telling it like it is for women in that situation , nearly every KZbin video that I have watched concerning narcissism it could not be any more accurate. I don’t understand why a man wants to be like that. What glory is there in it? They are Soul-less.

[@awesomemarriage]

Thank you very much.

[@Lauren-i8i]

You did the right thing. As humans, we are built for connection. But God doesn’t want His children to be abused. I found I can reach out & try to make friends in social groups. But at the end of the day, everyone sins and people will often let us down. That’s why Christ is my Best Friend. He has helped me get through my darkest days. He is there for me in the middle of the night when no one else is. We don’t ‘need’ a man - we need Jesus! He will be with us every step of the way. I know because I have lived it. 💕

[@GloriousIyobosa]

Thank you so much for being very truthful in your teachings. The hardest and painful part of my journey with a Covert narcissist is that I didn't know that a parent could lie to their children about their own mother. I was thinking that children should be insulated and kept away from strife between their parents and so I never talked to my children or any person about what I was going through. But unknown to me, the father of my children was busy telling my children lies about me and instigating them to disrespect me and challenge me even before anybody. I just discovered that my children's father has been lying about me to my children for very many years and I did not know it. I just thought my children became disrespectful to me because they are living in the western world, because we are from Africa originally.

[@awesomemarriage]

I am so sorry you have gone through that, and I hope that your relationship with your children can be repaired. Thank you for sharing your story. That is one of the very reasons we love talking to Dr. Clarke, he doesn't mind calling out negative behaviors. He always has new insight every time he joins us.

[@sharontennison6370]

I’m the guilty person on this topic.

[@awesomemarriage]

@@sharontennison6370 The good news is that with God, all things are possible. It's never too late to turn things around and begin practicing healthy habits and behaviors. 😊

[@rebekahjette6304]

True change takes years.

[@fionam3735]

And some

[@maggiesalle2256]

Yes!!

[@sc4112]

Yes, and the abuser won’t change so it’s up to the abuse target to change… …his/her address 😉

[@charlottemuller2233]

If it happens!

[@VReyesMusic]

I love when psychologists acknowledge both the narcissist and the codependent’s dysfunction. Both sides are not healthy and both need healing.

[@eileenschoepple642]

I am reading your book 20 lies that keep you with your abuser. It is eye opening and so helpful. Thank you.

[@awesomemarriage]

Dr. Clarke has some great insight into the subject. We always love hearing his thoughts and advice.

[@barbaradiemer3134]

I need that book big time.

[@awesomemarriage]

@@barbaradiemer3134 You can find it here: www.davideclarkephd.com/product-page/20-lies-that-keep-you-with-your-abuser

[@danyellesibert6724]

Omg even my daughter does this. Her stomach when the garage door opens. They are absolutely right. Everything perfect and then he is home. I need to escape

[@awesomemarriage]

I am praying for you and your daughter. If either of you are unsafe, get to a place of safety and get help.

[@speedskater5613]

Get out. I am currently battling him in divorce he is threatening stalking stalling and so on and won’t give up. 25 years I lost because of him. We had the same thing. You heard garage go up we all scattered. What a horrible existence. Get an attorney and get out. I started 2 years ago and still not divorced. Stand strong and keep praying. God sees all his abuse

[@Julienew-fq7ro]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Julienew-fq7ro]

1

[@Julienew-fq7ro]

Q1¹1q

[@midwaysar]

These guys speak the truth. First time I've ever heard men talk this way and back it up with scripture. This needs to be seen by young girls before they marry. Sharing

[@awesomemarriage]

Thank you & thank you for sharing!

[@godzillamanstreb524]

My decades long scapegoated husband suffered a premature death due to familial npd abuse…..the stress of emotional/psychological/physical abuse kills 💔💯

[@awesomemarriage]

Sadly this is true. I'm so sorry for your loss!

[@godzillamanstreb524]

@@awesomemarriage thank you

[@americanassociationagainst7981]

My father was too. These are tricky situations. It took me decades to know I was a victim of covert domestic violence. The physical abuse was obvious but the covert left me frozen. Unfortunately, these types of death goes unrecognized in the courts and law enforcement. This video great for spiritual healing.

[@keyjones1638]

I never wanted to marry him. I tried to get rid of him, but he would wear me down. There was so much chaos that I couldn't see what was happening. I was his emotional hostage. I always wanted to leave, but I didn't know what he was doing was abuse. He used God against me to keep me from leaving. I've been gone a long time now. The peace is wonderful!

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so glad you were able to find that peace.

[@Shofargirl1]

I am amazed you brought Abigail and Nabal up ! The narcissistic man I married (he was sweet and Godly before marriage) told the pastor that he was Nabal and I was Abigail and the pastor said nothing. So later I said to tbe pastor that if someone told me that ......bells would go off !! He just looked at me.😣, I am still healing....The LORD provides for me ......❤❤❤

[@awesomemarriage]

Praying for healing for you now! 🙏

[@Shofargirl1]

​@@awesomemarriageThank you GOD BLESS You.❤

[@Lauren-i8i]

@@awesomemarriage We ❤you!!! 👏👏👏

[@awesomemarriage]

@@Lauren-i8i ❤❤

[@EMbee7]

Wow-- he must not have understood the story if he readily admitted to that. And for the pastor not to understand is shameful. Praise God you're out!

[@tional5266]

I’ve felt this way lately, had to be my own pastor and mentor myself 🙏 but the Word of God is always a reliable resource!

[@leamiles9757]

I've been hit with "a foolish woman tears her house down" more times than I can remember

[@Lauren-i8i]

I wonder what your Man has done to be foolish and tear the house down! 🤔

[@TV-ob1if]

That quote is a perfectly apt quote defining Todays feminist society.

[@jodeecortez8083]

I have separated several times and he finds God, makes changes but it never lasts very long so it doesn’t really work long term if they are truly narcissistic in my opinion.

[@a.w.3689]

Jesus gave permission to Moses for a certificate of divorce because man heart was harden. My ex was emotionally and financially abusive and I ask God to make away for me to get a divorce and I prayed my way through and it took only 7 months from the time I asked to finish with the process. I was done and I'm never going back! Thank you for helping people to get out of a horrible situation, it can be life or death for the individuals!

[@Tatiana-cp1fc]

it was a precept given to Moses but Jesus brought it back to the beginning. If divorce means physical separation, that's fine. But only death ends a marriage and remarriage is adultery even after a legal divorce.

[@a.w.3689]

@Tatiana-cp1fc I'm very happy and grateful what the Lord has done for me since divorcing him! So thank you!

[@rebeccafrye5552]

No Jesus said that when he was here during his ministry. He had not yet died on the cross, and rose from the grave, and given us freedom in Christ. As with all scripture you have to look at the context and to who Jesus was speaking. He was speaking to Pharisees who were under the law and in bondage. The apostle Paul added that if your spouse is not a Christian and does not want to live with you that you are free, and that you can remarry. If you’re committing adultery if you remarry, then why would the apostle Paul say that? Why would he contradict our Savior? The answer is…he didn’t. Same thing applies when Jesus reminded the Pharisees about David eating the consecrated bread out of the temple which was forbidden. God looks at each situation individually and deals with it as He see fit. No wonder so many unsaved people want nothing to do with Christianity. It’s almost like a form of bondage when people like this tell you that you’re stuck for a terrible decision you made as a young person you were duped into believing the person you were marrying really loved you when they weren’t capable of love….but you’re bound and you could never find another mate…. A God like we have who loves us so much that He sent His own Son to die for us is NOT going to treat His children like this only on with remarriage after divorce. When you marry a person that portrays them self to be one way and then changes completely that covenant and contract you made with them should be considered “null and void” that is terrible. It’s like when you buy a Lemon car. There are “lemon laws” that protect consumers. So why would a marriage contract to a fraud be any different?? Thank God for His mercy because it is everlasting. Also thank God that fellow Christians don’t get to judge us!

[@danyellesibert6724]

I asked him to stop watching me on the ring doorbell and he swore he wasn’t. I was just assuming since he knew my every move. Then he got bolder and would text me “the neighbor saw this person by our home or this car.” I thought why is the neighbor man watching me so closely? He is a newly divorced man who’s wife also claimed he was narcissist. I’ve never heard of this before but apparently helping one another. But he knew my every move. I changed the ring doorbells password and after the silent treatment in the matter of just a few days the neighbor was reporting my moves to him. I only knew because he would say “the neighbor said.” I am totally scared of his control. They do it in such a sly way too. It comes off so so sincere. But then the gaslighting starts, and the silent treatment, and honestly the fear. This man is worse as he is older. Yes they care about image a lot. But as he ages he will self proclaim he is a narcissist. I am preparing to leave and meanwhile reminding myself every “good” town only lasts so long. He has stole my identity. I am working to get it back.

[@awesomemarriage]

Oh wow!

[@evera_]

I hope you can leave soon. I was in a relationship like that with an insanely possessive man.. Be very careful when you leave...I had to get the police involved otherwise I'm not sure I or my little girl could still be here today to tell the story. Be careful! May God help you get you and your daughter safe.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

Oh you are so right. I listened to a Christian pod cast yesterday about abuse and they gave women 2 minutes and then talked about wimpy men who let their wives’ abuse them. My Pastor announced from the pulpit that he’s teaching his daughter to be instantly obedient. I stayed married to protect my children from abuse. But now I have no family but I also have no abuse. The alcohol is having an effect on the narc and it’s likely his mask may come off. But the fact that I have had 3 hospitalizations and was diagnosed bipolar at age 61. I battled anxiety and depression and I watched my abuser enjoy it. It was such a pleasure to set him up on the last day. His overpowering aggression (100 lbs. heavier and a foot taller) was a public performance.

[@GeorgeEnke]

I've lived this for 24 years. Only a couple of weeks ago did I finally find the strength to get a divorce lawyer. Please don't forget that there are a lot of men that experience this too.

[@awesomemarriage]

Unfortunately, you are correct. There are many men who have experienced this struggle. I'm so sorry that you are one of them. I'm praying that all goes as well as possible for you, and that you find peace through it.

[@rhondawampner688]

I just broke up with the narcissist after 3 years together. I'm having a hard time with this. I wasn't married to him, nor did I have children with him. I didn't know what a narcissist was, untill a couple years ago. I'm aso a codependent, that's how I was raised. I put up with name calling, put Downs, walking on eggshells. Everything I did was wrong. No matter how hard I tried.

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry you went through all of that! Praying that you find peace and healing from it.

[@kathyfoley397]

Criticism all the time.

[@Lauren-i8i]

That’s no way to live! God doesn’t want us walking on eggshells, trying to people please our Man at every turn. You deserve BETTER. You matter, you are important to God and now you just must believe what HE says about you. YOU Are a child of the most high King. You are SO brave to find the courage to leave - this stuff isn’t easy. We love David E Clarke, PHD. He has written some amazing books! It would also be wise to watch Dr, Ramani - she knows Narcissism inside out. When dumping a Narc, beware of the love bombing and also your safety. They can do some really stupid things. Please don’t believe his pleas that he will change- they are desperate ploys to get you right back where you were before (like Groundhog Day.) And the likelihood of him truly changing is about zero (per Dr. Laura Schlesinger.) Dr. Phil also addressed this - he is the eternal optimist & thinks long as we are still alive, change still IS possible - but not probable with a high level Narcissist. Your Man would likely have to do some serious work on himself in therapy in order to truly change. Many of these guys think this has been working for them for years - so why change? Or they may fake it until you are back where they want you. Also the one thing Narcs are good at is pointing the finger while they take responsibility for nearly nothing. God bless you and your family. Christ will give you the ability to stay strong - keep praying and ASK for strength. ‘I can do ALL things through Christ, who strengthens me.’ - Philippians 4:13 💕💕💕

[@pamhumphreys5702]

Every time I listen to this I learn something new.

[@awesomemarriage]

We're so glad you're finding this helpful!

[@Shofargirl1]

Me also 😊

[@sunshinedayz2172]

Thank you for championing this cause.. This happened to me and I finally agonized through the divorse after 30 years of suffering.. Now I need to go back and help my adult children change their abusive mindset..I will start with this video.. Thank you for speaking out about this.. I should have left earlier but my selfworth was shot..

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so glad that you're finding healing. I will pray that this video is helpful for your children as well!

[@lorrainem8234]

Solidarity, sister! On my way out after 32 years. Prayers and hugs 🙏🏻🤗🙏🏻

[@Shofargirl1]

❤❤❤Sunshine

[@bob-hy1vk]

Awesome, I remember hearing in the spirit those very words you said , " You don't have to take this" and left soon afterward.

[@Kat-th2td]

I have watched this a couple times now. It is so validating and affirming from a sound Biblical perspective. Thank you for standing up for women who have lost their voices, at home and in the church. My adult offspring have trouble respecting me, having grown up in a home where I was regularly dismissed and belittled. Thank you for reminding me of the Biblical reasons for my life-saving divorce. My kids think that because my ex tells everyone he tried to take me back and I refused to return (to the chronic long-term emotionally destructive marriage), I destroyed our family. Dr. Clark, I will be looking forward to your upcoming podcast on dealing with the aftermath of divorce with adult children.

[@montanagal6958]

You always think if you love them enough, you can change them.

[@magataramaotswa]

I am on a healing journey, I started healing from a narc sister last year August and just recently I had a revelation about my mother. She was hiding behind my narc sister, and my mother turned out to be the biggest narc.. Since finding out, I don't bother telling her or complaining to her that she doesn't love, respect me..I'm done pleasing her. She kept me on a leash for a long time , said horrible things to me, I am regaining my life back and physically I have changed..I am more vibrant and glowing..I was a zombie.

[@eight-ball3625]

My bishop said,” I’m not going to help you! Get back to your husband where you belong.” You can bet I never stepped into that church house again.

[@maggiesalle2256]

Most pastors are CEOs who do not care about the flock and who talk down to the ones who don't fit into the Evangelical mold.

[@awesomemarriage]

There are plenty of good pastors out there, but if you aren't comfortable with speaking with them, there are Christian marriage counselors across the United States, and crisis counselors as well for intense situations.

[@cherylross393]

OMG yes the walking on eggshells thing and the dread he's almost home thing is the sign you're in deep trouble. God doesn't want this for women or men.

[@Andthereyouhaveit]

From 36:00-38:00 are pure gold in knowing exactly what to look for and what to expect in fake vs true repentance and changed behavior.

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

2 years an Im still fighting will never give up on getting my kids from this sadistic matrix Cys. I will God got me always has

[@pennyrobinson4266]

You gave the analogy of the car on fire. I see it as a prison sentence. When an inmate has a chance to be released early, he doesn’t say, “But I’ve already served 15 years. How can I put all that time in not stay the rest?” It would be ludicrous!

[@awesomemarriage]

That's a good analogy as well!

[@kaymiller2441]

@DrDavidClarke you are hilarious, chasing your wife around the house😂 fantastic talk overall guys, love it.😁

[@awesomemarriage]

We love talking to and hearing from Dr. Clarke!

[@jackiep5009]

My heart would drop when he got home from work.

[@Jesus_isLord_andGod]

I am experiencing this now he has come from work very late, I am in another room, and if he opens the door I do not know what to expect.

[@pjtowns8285]

I lost my kids. I am 68 now. I am not allowed to see my 2 grandchildren. I have 3 children, all adults in their 40s, and none of them will see me. They have completely turned their backs on me. I have not talked to any of them in 4 years. Their father is very abusive, or I should say was. He died from Covid 18 months ago. He was a minster, and I stayed with him for 19 years. I finally left him, but it was too late to save my children. I am now labeled as crazy and I doubt my children are going to change on this. I am coming into my old age now, and i have been abandoned by my children. And yes, I have a very bad lung disease and back problems.

[@awesomemarriage]

I am praying that those relationships will be repaired and re-established, and that they will see the truth. I pray for health and healing as well.

[@pjtowns8285]

Thank you for your prayers. This means alot! I just found out a few days ago that my lung disease may be in remission, but I still have another 12 months to be sure. But this is extremely good news.

[@awesomemarriage]

@@pjtowns8285 Praise the Lord! That is wonderful! 🙌

[@Shofargirl1]

I know what you are going through.... 🙏❤❤❤

[@MoM-do7js]

I’m 64 and both of my adult children have done the same. I don’t get to see my grandchildren either. They blame the wrong person and their generation are very hardened and stubborn. I left both of my children’s fathers early due to abuse and infidelity. Guess what, in heaven, THEY will have NO control or say 👍🏼 Sometimes our missions are different than theirs for our Heavenly Father. HE keeps records, and SEES EVERYTHING. Stay strong 💪☘️✨

[@chelceasurgenor598]

Thank you all for this wonderful video ❤❤❤ I'm married to a narc now and have been for 11 years now. I use to think he would change but now i know for sure he ain't changing! Hes even laughed at me when i told him he needed to change. That should've told me flat out right then. But we love our husbands and are just praying they'll change. But they never do.

[@awesomemarriage]

You are so welcome! Sadly, we can always hope for the best, but when it's clear that he isn't changing, it's best to protect yourself emotionally and mentally, as well as physically.

[@cherylross393]

This abusive behavior really causes PTSD for future relationships too.

[@LeAnne-uw3wp]

Awesome video, wish I had watched this ten years ago 👍

[@godzillamanstreb524]

So encouraging….I have 2 narc siblings who do all these behaviors….my husband suffered a premature death due to decades of familial npd abuse….it does kill!

[@amiller5885]

Yes it does

[@eileenschoepple642]

You are talking about me. My physical health has not been good as I was with my narcissist husband and after I left him. I was only married to him for 3 1/2 months which was horrific.

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I pray that your health improves!

[@connie692]

I thought I was going to lose my mind, after 18 months, of what felt like torture to me. I married him late in life, and he was so good at lying about everything, he had me so fooled. This man is something like I have never experienced in my life! I am still waiting to divorce him, because he has this mess tied up in court with lies.

[@awesomemarriage]

@@connie692 Narcissists, gaslighters, and liars are very good at making you think that YOU are the problem, but don't get discouraged. Trust God and ask Him for help, and the truth will be revealed.

[@themagmapizza5264]

Amazing. I keep coming back for strength sand strength I keep receiving! I left him and he’s just been … ugh, exhausting and difficult. Blamed me for him going to jail for abusing me. I have 2 boys that need me safe and healthy. I can not stay in an emotional abusive relationship that was turning into physical abuse as well!

[@lorrainehenry4734]

I think getting into a relationship with someone is like this is worse for a Christian because we’re always taught to submit to a man. And in a loving relationship, this would work. However in an abusive relationship, it only empowers and emboldens the abuser.

[@THERetiredHomeskoolMomma]

I just wrote a book on this topic Dr!😮👀

[@barbaradiemer3134]

I wrote a book where my Kids said if I got it published they would all disown me. I had the worst divorce in OHIO.I had 7 attorneys.

[@lizcuero9065]

Congratulations on an awesome marriage with travel to St. Augustine included. God Bless You & Sandy.

[@v4756nb1rs]

God bless you both for speaking on this.

[@rhondawampner688]

It's my fault that I don't trust him, he does nothing wrong. But he's allowed to do and say what ever he wants. When it comes to other women, he's allowed to have his X's on his phone, talk to them when ever he wants. Talk to them about me. He's going to see one of them, and have dinner and catch up. He tried to say I'm not going to see her, I'm not going out to eat with her, that's a lie, it's his words on his phone. How can it be my fault.

[@awesomemarriage]

These things are not your fault. Narcissists always love to blame their victim and claim innocence, but once you begin to see past the first few lies, the others tend to fall apart. Praying for you!

[@BellaGrace622]

My husband & I have been married for 32 years. We have tried marriage counseling but nothing changes. I found these videos and have started working on myself and realize my husband is a narcissist. I have started a lady’s Bible study and counseling. Last night my husband started asking me if I had given up on our marriage. He told me last night that I am being worldly because I am working on me. My husband is a strong Christian. He told me that I am ungodly by working on myself. He said since we are one in Christ I should be working with him on our marriage. I am feeling crazy 😢

[@awesomemarriage]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with working on yourself. Though, yes, you are one, both spouses should continue to work on becoming a better, more Christ-like version of themselves. To say that you shouldn't work on yourself because you are one is like saying that you shouldn't take better care of your heart because you should take better care of your body as a whole. As each part gets better, it makes the whole better off for it.

[@marcydelgenio8169]

Hi.. Your husband knows of God as he knows scripture, but he does NOT have a relationship with God My husband is the same way, but he doesn't open the Bible, go to church, or ever fellowship. He is a topnotch deceiver to others. I am needing to run away..he is dangerous..has bang bangs.

[@BrandiRayParks-oh9tn]

I would be out of sorts all day from the fighting the day before trying to sort things out. So tense and stressed and emotional from the abuse the day before to where I would freeze during the day while he was at work and then try to navigate him coming home and then him ignore me after he came home from work not reconciling which is what I was expecting or wanting

[@awesomemarriage]

That is terrible! I hope you were able to move on and find peace.

[@donnayoung4289]

How do we get the books? We cant get the narc know we get them? Is ther a kindle version

[@gingerzelidon3573]

Thanks, Dr. Clarke!

[@smarternow]

Combat zone everyday!!!! Why are men so Screwed up? It’s been men that have ruined my life/joy

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry that you've experienced this. Keep in mind, though, that not all men are like this, and men aren't the only ones capable of abuse. Please help us pray for anyone who has had an experience similar to yours, and I will be praying for you as well. Hoping that you can find peace and healing from the past.

[@donz5995]

Very informative and well presented especially from 2 gentleman.

[@awesomemarriage]

Thank you!

[@tional5266]

Everything is about him, everything, even my health issues, it’s the sidewinder double whammy and causes more damage

[@awesomemarriage]

😢 Praying for you!

[@pameladavis9939]

He destroyed me and brainwashed my kids!!

[@awesomemarriage]

😢 I'm so sorry you experienced that. That isn't at all the way God intended marriage to be. I will pray for healing and restoration for you and your kids.

[@pameladavis9939]

@@awesomemarriage Thank you and THANK YOU for those of us that need to hear your guidance! 🙋☺️🙏💗

[@awesomemarriage]

@@pameladavis9939 ❤

[@lololollaughatlife1431]

I tried it without my abuser and financially I could not support myself.

[@deniselawson7108]

The boy will never challenge his dad because he will be up against the wall by his neck. And he treats girls very bad verbally he is just a right fighter it’s exhausting and for some reason he is in competition with me like cooking anything and I’ve told him I’m glad he cooks etc but it’s not a competition

[@MYMY-zs7rz]

Yes my kids mainly my oldest now . No respect bc of what i did to please the step dad. The neclect i did to him.. i didn't see it at the time.. but i do now. I have to accept that. My son andbi have a relationship but its definitely a hard spot in it for us.

[@awesomemarriage]

Praying for your relationship with your children! 🙏

[@ChristandLhasaApso-ht6br]

Priest told me from his ambon, staring at me... Women run!! They all say suffer and I say run!

[@TruthFirst005]

My husband will stick up for me when my boys yell at me, which i find ironic...in his eyes, its not okay for them to yell and treat me with disrespect but it's okay for husband to treat me that way. He looks at it as a way to engage in conflict.

[@awesomemarriage]

😦 One the one hand, it's good that he doesn't allow them to be disrespectful toward you, but they're likely following his example. Praying that he will see the irony in the way he treats you and becomes a better example for them! Also praying for peace for you that will comfort you until he sees that.

[@thabisilebiyela7664]

In our country separation is not legal. How does one go about it before divorce.

[@awesomemarriage]

If it is a pattern of behavior and your spouse isn't willing to change on their own, counseling may be necessary. My advice would be to consult your pastor/priest/etc. or seek out a local agency for advice that applies to your situation.

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

HUGE WEIGHT IS LIFTED. AFTER UR THROUGH TRAMABONDING. LOVE YOURESELF

[@tional5266]

I keep hearing a song lately, the burning house and she can’t get him out so she joins him, they both burnt up, sounds like Jesus love but it’s his responsibility to get out

[@jordanmcclure484]

About the pastors…. what if your pastor (just so you know I left this church and this is not my pastor anymore), what if the pastor of where you’re going while in your abusive marriage hears your abuse story, and tells you ya you can divorce it’s probably best to not go back, unless he truly changes. Yet then lies to your face about “we are not going to allow your abuser to help in any type of ministry here at our church”, then the pastor lets him volunteer to lead youth group. And yet he told me we may need to get a divorce (so he’s okay w it divorce), and he did seem to blame me for part of the issues by saying you guys just may not be compatible…. Yet he has given no accountability or discipline to the abuser because after my leaving, he has allowed him back in the church and to help lead youth and do many other things. So what would you say about this type of pastor? He didn’t tell me to stay…. But….

[@bd7628]

Great video. Thank you.

[@awesomemarriage]

Thank you!

[@bd7628]

@awesomemarriage You're very welcome. They are helping me and I appreciate it.

[@nellie...]

Thank you!

[@awesomemarriage]

You're welcome! ❤️

[@beautifullyme8958]

Thank you for this

[@renecampbell279]

Nothing but a wooden boy. My health is gone. 15yrs. Enough is enough.

[@awesomemarriage]

If you are in an abusive relationship (physical or mental), please don't hesitate in getting to a safe place and protecting yourself.

[@renecampbell279]

@awesomemarriage I strategically have left. But, I need help in finding the right therapist in the Tustin, CA area ... any referrals would be life saving ... not an exaggeration. I do need help.

[@awesomemarriage]

@@renecampbell279 I don't have any first-hand knowledge of therapists in your area, but Tustin Christian Counseling looks like a good Christ-centered counseling center, from what I could find online.

[@renecampbell279]

@angelanicoletti3330 you just helped me release tears of relief .. just knowing someone understands is HUGE ... yes, I have found a Christian therapist thru Irvine Christian Counseling who is meeting w me 2x a week & beginning Neurofeedback as I have developed CPTSD & a Developmental Brain Injury from the damage of chronic ongoing abuse. Thank you for your response & reaching out....soooo appreciated 🙏

[@renecampbell279]

@angelanicoletti3330 and, yes, yoga 💯... meditation has been a life changer also deep breathing through it has worked wonders ... been doing it on my own ... but, now it's so nice to have my therapist help. Relief!

[@stellablue7435]

"Leave the sinner".

[@tional5266]

They’re disregulation dis regulates you

[@Stillpril]

I knew someone who's ex kept the act up for like a year and as soon as she took him back it all started over again but worse...

[@awesomemarriage]

Sadly, this happens far too often.

[@lizcuero9065]

Thank God for Seroquel pills. Once I hear the garage door open around 4:PM, it's a cue to take my medicine so Abuse gets minimized.

[@EMbee7]

When I realized I needed to be medicated to stay in the marriage and not to just stop living, that was me cue to get out.

[@cristongea2660]

You are saying everything that I was thinking in my head…he makes you feel you’re the problem. Where are this sick people coming from? I need the steps I need to follow to get out before he knows it or he will make a living hell…he promised me 😢

[@awesomemarriage]

I am praying for you, that God will guide you in the right steps.

[@dominiquerivero6611]

Without mentioning the murders. 30 women killed in Australia so far in 2023. And the years prior.

[@danicaauge983]

Wonderful

[@awesomemarriage]

Thank you!

[@traceyphillips4539]

You mentioned Romans 16. What verse in Romans 16 talks about leaving?

[@awesomemarriage]

I believe he is referring to Romans 16:17

[@LyndaDixon-tm7uz]

My son even chased me with a 2by4 I had to run

[@awesomemarriage]

😢

[@cac1463]

26 years I have wasted. I've been ill for a long time. Wasn't ill until after I married him 23 years ago. I'm going on 65 and have no retirement. What can I do if I can't afford a lawyer? He has lawyer's in his family. I have to go for a test 3 1/2 hours away. He told me that if he was as sick as me that he would just die, not go for tests, not try to heal. I told him that I have 3 kids and 3 grandchildren who love me.

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm praying for you today. God can work miracles through physical healing and/or repairing broken relationships and situations. Praying for a change in him, physical healing in your body, and peace for you in the meantime. 🙏

[@shirleygill6209]

My mum was the narc !my dad was ok. I married a malignant narc worst thing ever!!!

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry you grew up in that environment, and I hope that you've found safety and freedom or that your husband has changed for the better. ❤

[@melissa8696]

Nope. I’ve compromised myself and changed a 1000 times to try and make it work and it was never ever enough. A narc am like something cause you hate it and I’m a blink of an eye hell like it cause one of his friends or family likes it it’s insanity

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry that you went through that. I am praying for peace for you!

[@springtime8029]

My xhusband was very sly he wasn't in our marriage he grey rocked me not loving at all he left our 12 year marriage vfor a friend I knew for 10 years

[@LyndaDixon-tm7uz]

Truly it doesn't glorify God

[@sugarblaze8227]

Jip You have to submit to your husband...and he may strip your soul and destroy your mind...and u must still love him forgive him give him sex and clean after him...bring in a salary...and he may look at other women with an attitude that that women is prettier better softer kinder ..not like me at all. 20 years of living hell cannot compare my now attitude and burnt out looks and body image to a women who has not been married to this man..what do u do...i have left 2 and went back because of stockholm syndrome....have thought only way out is cuicide. He has taken everything from me...friends family. ...dignity...and my kids starting to belive him...he always goes to them if we had a fight...asks them whats wrong with me......😢 cant he sort grown up problems with a grown up...no involves the masses to make him look like the victim...for his lies his disloyal and untsustworthy behaviour...sometimes monsters come disguised as the nicest people...😢😢😢😢

[@awesomemarriage]

Sadly, people like this are very good at making themselves look like the "good guys" and have everyone else convinced of it. On top of everything else, it's terrible that he puts your children in the middle of it. Find someone that you trust to talk to about it, whether a trusted friend, counselor, family member, or pastor, get to a safe place if you feel unsafe, and get help. The Domestic Violence Hotline is free, confidential, and available at 1-800-799-7233 or at www.thehotline.org. I'm praying for you!

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

Run an take ur children,,the levels are too scary. I've learned HARD WAY. IF THEY GO TO THERAPY THEN THEY SEE KIDS

[@jamalmobley4321]

What if it’s vise/versa

[@awesomemarriage]

The same advice applies.

[@pameladavis9939]

But all bruises aren't seen😟

[@awesomemarriage]

Unfortunately, most of them aren't 😢

[@Shofargirl1]

Exactly Pamela, I know, I am praying for the LORD to heal my wounds...JEREMIAH 30 : 17.😊

[@tional5266]

Definitely physical damage as a result of emotional abuse I have a dead kidney and sever herniated disc’s

[@awesomemarriage]

😢 I'm so sorry you went through that. Praying for your physical AND emotional healing!

[@donnayoung4289]

I have ptsd

[@donnayoung4289]

My stomach is a mess

[@bonniekerr4964]

When the children lose respect for the abused, do they still respect the abuser?

[@awesomemarriage]

Unfortunately, many do because they may be blind to the abuser's true actions. They are really good at seeming like the "good guy" in the situation.

[@irinamladenoska7539]

I told my mom. And she was not giving me a permission to leave the mariadge. It apeared she was kind of abusive too. I was gaslit from birth, haha.

[@awesomemarriage]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I pray that you have been able to find help 🙏

[@irinamladenoska7539]

@@awesomemarriage I am finding it. There is a lot of griev happening.

[@jamalmobley4321]

The man gets treated bad

[@awesomemarriage]

That is very true as well. Narcissism and abuse aren't restricted to men only. Women can absolutely be narcissists or abusers as well. These things aren't ok, no matter who is doing them.

[@donnayoung4289]

Nope we cant talk to them at all

[@Cryisfree_o7]

I dislike the focus on the "her" as abused.

[@awesomemarriage]

Most of the advice given certainly applies to both men and women who are abused. Sadly, a majority of we see (as well as Dr. Clarke) are situations with male abusers. That in no way discounts any experiences of a man who is in an abusive relationship.

[@Cryisfree_o7]

@@awesomemarriage I understand

[@maggiesalle2256]

My mother and father were both verbal and emotional abusers. I see your point. My cousin's wife is a religious narcissist. You are correct.

[@Cryisfree_o7]

@@maggiesalle2256 Thank you! I watched this and other videos looking for help, but there's so much bias in every single one of them. Makes it impossible for me to relate lol. The most relatable thing I found in these recent years was the Johnny Depp Case

[@barbaradiemer3134]

@@Cryisfree_o7 when my son was killed my 3rd daughter was left parolized from an accident. I think God was tell me something is terribly wrong in my marriage.I was 44 when I had my last daughter.This daughter was molested by her Dad. Nothing happened to him He was a wealthy farmer who was a county commissioner the deck was stacked for me. I am 83 still fighting against the court System in our county. The are crooked democrats.I wrote to president Trump in 2020.

[@MoM-do7js]

The world has created generations of vain people. The result of Godlessness. The ME disease runs rampant due to the “prince” of the air influence. The meanies will pay 🔥 Study the Word and gain the strength to leave the poison 💫☘️💪

[@jeanwerschem3076]

Replace "she" in this conversation with "he". I am watching a male relative being gaslighted & emotionally abused.

[@awesomemarriage]

You're absolutely right. Either spouse can be guilty of displaying these traits and actions, and the advice applies in either situation. I will be praying for your relative, that God either works in this situation to help his abuser see the harm their actions are causing and change or grants him the wisdom to take appropriate steps to find peace. 🙏

[@donnayoung4289]

Get this I marreid him divorced him he qent tho therapy we got back together married again now hes acting the same as before. They are fake!

[@leilagomulka5690]

❤❤❤

[@c848]

Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church sacrificing His life for it. When a husband loves the wife as Christ do, that is sacrificially, there will be a natural response of love from wife towards her husband, the same love she responds to Christ's love and that is submitting. Submitting to sacrificial love is the massage, and not submitting to the man, just because he is a man. Any submission that wife is offering to her husband out of any other reason than sacrificial love received from him, it is a humanistic submission that leads to being abuse.

[@donnayoung4289]

No happy days with him zero zilch