Decentering Men Is Bs It Is Okay To Admit That You Are Lonely Woman Shares - Must Watch

[@JukuduB]

Correction (to the lady in the green shirt): we are programmed to survive communally. Being in love has nothing to do with that survival.

[@ArtemisUnderscoreJ]

Exactly! 💯

[@thandompm5ex]

💯

[@marissa._]

This! 💯

[@Nita_Vibes101]

💯 Right. OP is always citing some study to back up her claim that humans need romantic relationships but never specifies which study. I would love to read it because, while it is true that humans are social creatures, this social inclination doesn’t require romantic partners. If you want a romantic relationship, that’s fine, but not wanting one doesn’t mean you are going against your basic human instincts. Many people find fulfillment and rich social interactions outside of romantic relationships. We have been programmed to believe this isn’t true, which is another facet of the “decenter men” movement. Much of what is understood about heteronormative romantic relationships is influenced by social and cultural constructs. These constructs vary widely across countries and time periods. For example, the idea that love is a prerequisite for marriage is recent; historically, marriage was about combining resources for survival. So, I don’t know what studies she is referring to, but the constructs surrounding romance are culturally specific and not tied to human survival or social fulfillment.

[@TheSomethingnew1]

I feel like everyone is losing the plot. “De-center men” doesn’t mean that you don’t want to be partnered or married. The point of decentering men is to analyze the conscious and unconscious ways you place their needs above your own in every aspect of your life. It’s also about deciding how they will be allowed to exist in your life and setting boundaries from the beginning. So many women have made the men in their lives the main character to their own detriment. This is about re-establishing a sense of self that you may have lost before. The gag is this should lead to healthier relationships because you’re more confident with voicing your needs.

[@user-blob]

This exactly!

[@melodyvovan9205]

Thank you it just mean stop enabling them and stop playing second role in our own life We never said throw the bath' water and the baby 😂

[@DracarysSnow]

This should be pinned

[@seeleunit2000]

Considering women have been subjected to putting up with men's bullshit since time in memorial, it's going to take a while to change certain mindsets. However despite certain backlash, it's a good idea to be able to do that because we are human beings and we deserve human dignity, dammit.

[@drranger4210]

very well-stated! it's getting irritating watching the point be missed entirely!

[@aishageorge3056]

She said it herself, a happy, healthy relationship. Us women who have decentred men have attempted to find a happy, healthy relationship and failed. It caused more stress looking for that relationship with trial and error that we have opted for peace. I personally have never known a good man, my father, my brother, and my son's father are all bad men. Romantically or otherwise, I have never known a good man. So my brain has concluded they're fictional and it's best to get on with my life and find that love within myself. If a good man offering a happy, healthy relationship does exist and want to be with me, sure. But since that hasnt happened, why waste time trying to obtain it with terrible results?

[@ufos-cos]

Girrrrl, same. They are just not worth my time anymore 🙌

[@kaybrown7733]

It sounds like she's the lonely one and just doesn't want to be lonely alone. She lost the entire point. It's not about excluding men from your life. At this point, if I gey divorced I will be happy single just like I was before I got married. Girl, everyone doesn't need what you need.

[@Mynameshelenbtw]

Bingo

[@cocoace7587]

I couldn't listen to / stomach everything she stated . If anyone ever say " Some of y'all don't look good enough to be picked ." Tell them # monitor lizard & 5 men # drizzle drizzle 😅

[@coolchameleon21]

you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship in order to not be lonely. there are many other ways to bring connection into your life

[@CalebTheOwlBoy]

So is it by force? She doesn't have to decenter men if she doesn’t want to. Nobody asked her

[@TeeCG]

Ranting about a topic she clearly doesn't understand. Smdh.

[@marzemarcel9529]

The thing for me is, I'm single, I've never said I am lonely and I definitely agree that men need ro be decentered. The woman in the video missed the idea of what it is and the healthy content I watch and that comes to me, comes from women IN healthy relationships with MEN many married to men and are with the movement. If you don't understand, you shoukd say that before rambling about the wrong thing. That's not to say that there aren't lonely people, of both genders, saying to just let go of relationships all together, but those are a special group of "incels/femcels" not the decenter men movements. Don't force me and those of us who do not, to ascribe to your needs and beliefs just because you needed a man in your life. My life is peaceful without one. Lol I also don't like men😂😂yeah

[@somebodycomelistentothispo7217]

She’s young. She’ll figure it out 🤷🏾‍♀️. I’ve been with my husband 20 years also and I’ve decentered him

[@reginayfavors]

It tickles me that the women who try these pandering games are usually women who do not have partners. If you want to be with someone, then be with someone. Just because we are embracing singleness does not mean that we are lonely. Some of us are healing from previous toxic encounters. That's fine too. But don't call us bitter just because we are more discerning. Lastly, what she is really saying is that she is lonely. Just say that. Why get on social media and address issues when you are engaged? She's a bit strange. I don't think she knows what she's talking about.

[@ccannon1]

2:35 this is literally what it means 🤔, if she’s taking more away from it, that’s on her!

[@DiMagnolia]

Decentering men doesn’t mean you can’t be in relationships with men, it means your whole life doesn’t revolve around men. It’s literally in the name. She even said it at the beginning so what was the rest of that nonsense 😂

[@jojojohnson227]

No it's not 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@valencia9981]

If you are that desparate to find a partner, you may need to take a step back and reflect because that's how we get in messed up situations.

[@NiobeNeo]

Why is always some women who need to tell all other women what to do or NOT. Like girllllll... Is not for you, let go and move on...

[@cosmosadorabilis7677]

She's fighting points nobody made 😒

[@bodhisattva2348]

🤣

[@LoveK1]

Shadow boxing.

[@tashibalampkin8555]

Im stealing that.

[@KurosakiLuvar01]

Lolololol

[@yasminah6823]

omg perfect description of that video!

[@AndyyWithAY]

All those words to say I'm a Pickmeisha 🤣🤣🤣 Many of the women who are saying to decenter men are married to men. It's not either or. Your experience is not universal. There's someone who's attracted to everyone. There's no one beauty standard. You have better romantic relationships with men when you decenter them. Men have more respect for you when you decenter them. And also the focus on romantic love was created to benefit broke men 😒 marriage was to advance your social station, not fall in love

[@reginayfavors]

She went through that whole rant and didn't make any sense to me. To me, she doesn't seem like she's that happy to be engaged because why is she getting on social media talking about decentering men. She's strange.

[@TinkOutLoud]

I don’t even think she engaged (yet?). She mentioned she knows she’ll marry her boyfriend. But for a chick that believes the best thing a woman can do is become and wife and mother; I think she would have actually said her fiancé instead of boyfriend.

[@reginayfavors]

@@TinkOutLoud People forget that God has plans for your life too. He gave you a gift and/or talent and purpose. He has a life assignment for you. It might include marriage, and it might not. But people just think that marriage and motherhood are the only options for women. Men and women sometimes push these ideas because they want someone to take care of them. They will be the ones to glorify being a stay at home mother or father. I don't listen to them. I listen to the Lord.

[@reginayfavors]

Men always marry the ones who decenter them too. These are the women who do nothing for men, but these men will leave the women who did everything for them. Strange.

[@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022]

Hobbies are better than beat downs, sabotage, unwanted pregnancies, domestic slavery, leeches or psychological warfare.

[@coolchameleon21]

PERIOD

[@Silent.Presence]

💯💯💯💯💯💯

[@jungersrules]

Most are safe & fun!

[@blessedcutie8983]

Noone should ever seek companionship from a source of loneliness. Attempting to fill a void will give you more problems. Be whole emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically before getting into a relationship. Broken people do not make good partners. They only cause more destruction.

[@Ccl2tb]

So true!! And predators and opportunists can sniff out any hint of neediness. Filling that lonely void with pets, friends, family, God, etc. is the best protection.

[@TURBOBEATZZZ]

Not true. No one is "fixed". All are struggling in one way or another. Marriage if done right actually fixes things in us we otherwise would ignore. Ive been married 13 years as a BM to a beautiful BW. Both on our second marriages too. Its been extremely hard but we never gave up on God Yahuah. We gave up on each other a million times but not on Him. We both came with baggage from childhood on up. Marriage is Gods institution. Without Him its just a contract with the state. We are 5 kids deep now and our children are flourishing beyond measure. I stuck to my guns in my direction from Yahuah despite all the verbal blow ups and He saw us through. It took both of us being honest about our flaws, lots of forgiving and apologizing. Grace. Crying. Pain. Saying hurtful things etc. to finally get to the utopia we are in now. Most of you cant handle one critical word. You wont make it in a marriage today without thick skin. Men and women naturally hate each other today. You cant overcome this without Yahuah. NO WAY! I dont care if you marry for 30 years itll end in disaster without Him. Hes not mocked! Chose ye this day whom ye will serve!

[@Mynameshelenbtw]

​@@Ccl2tbexactly. Be happy to live alone and be left alone. If youre too worried about being alone, a man will latch onto it.

[@ineedhoez]

Codependents can't be alone. The fear of being alone is what causes them to enter intonand stay in relationships where the love, care, and respect contributions are not reciprocated.

[@cb4017]

This 💯

[@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables]

This! That was a long ass spiel just to say that she's codependent and weak.

[@ineedhoez]

@@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables Facts.

[@corimoon3360]

@@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables Girl some people need explanations and detail. If you can’t read any further than 5 words that’s on you. Their comment wasn’t even that long. 🙄

[@TinkOutLoud]

@@corimoon3360I think she was talking about the lady speaking in the video.

[@tripleleotarot2416]

If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company…. I’ll leave it at that lol

[@cb4017]

Love this

[@user-br3ty9rt1m]

Oop! 😂

[@terrencemillan]

You can be in a relationship with a man and still decanter men. When you revolve your whole life and identity solely on the man you’re dating and you put your own dreams, goal, hobbies and ambitions for a man on hold, it actually makes him get bored of you then eventually the man loses interest over time because there’s no longer a chase or any mystery to you.

[@teachertracee]

For many years, I tolerated the bare minimum. I foolishly believed that if I worked hard and jumped through hoops, a man would eventually match my effort. I have finally accepted it simply doesn’t work that way. To me, decentering men means FINALLY establishing boundaries. And that also means accepting that I’ll spend a lot more time alone but that’s ok. It sure beats the nonsense I’ve dealt with in the past.

[@autumnl5127]

Decentering males comes from women who have been through the bad experiences. Who paid that 1st woman to tell those lies about decentering males? She again acts like she knows everyone and she does not. She was making me nauseous. I have personally experienced better health, better looking , better state of mind , better finances and the list goes on and on, all because I decentered males. I received peace of mind and relaxed happiness all because of decentering. I love my life and I will never change it. 4B forever ❤

[@cocoace7587]

I agree with you , she gave me the ick 🤢. I HAD TO fast forward to the end , ugh .

[@cb4017]

I felt grateful I’m no longer trapped by d i ck… like the pickme girl

[@TheOriginalScorpioBelle]

Just to add. Every woman isn’t decentering men because of bad experiences. I personally am decentering men because I didn’t realize that I wasn’t the focus in my own life. So I decided to change. Men had no factor in my decentering them. I consider myself an intelligent person and it only makes sense to center yourself in your life. Social programming just had me mixed up with my priorities. Not saying I haven’t had bad experiences with men. Just that they weren’t the reason for me.

[@autumnl5127]

@@TheOriginalScorpioBelle 👍🏾

[@TinkOutLoud]

It’s always someone under the age of 55 talking this nonsense. They barely have any skin in game and speaking from a place of ignorance. Some of us have never centered men, relationships, marriages to begin with.

[@user-br3ty9rt1m]

One thing men and pick-mes won’t do is listen. They love touting their opinions as truth and missing points entirely.

[@TinkOutLoud]

It’s like they need alllll women to be and do the exact same things.

[@forest288]

Let’s not bully, pressure women to be with a man for the sake of it. If a relationship isn’t serving me in all healthy ways, I DON’T WANT IT. I’m not compromising my well being to make a man overall happy if it’s not RECIPROCATED. In the meantime I’ll desire men in my dreams 😘

[@TinkOutLoud]

But but but but that goes against your natural instincts! 😭

[@msliberated3899]

@@TinkOutLoud😂😂

[@misspriss2482]

Chile please. The loneliest I've ever been was when I was with a man who clearly didn't love me but had no trouble using me. Oftentimes men aren't suitable companions anyway. You pour years of your life into them only for them to cheat on you. If I'm going to be lonely (which I rarely am), I would rather rely on friends rather than put up with disrespect, abuse, and cheating. Men have pretty much been nothing but a headache and heartache. Next.

[@DinaLorr]

Ppl need companionship but it doesn’t have to be ROMANTIC, ppl get the shit twisted

[@noraventura9006]

Yeah! No thank you, I'm happy alone, relationship been there done that! Is a no for me.

[@ntuthukomdluli-pd9jv]

Also safe from verbal and physical abuse ,dissapoint

[@beepbopboop7727]

What does loneliness have to do with men? If you need to get all your social needs met by men alone, then good luck. I don’t and I won’t.

[@cb4017]

‘He’s my best friend’

[@beepbopboop7727]

@@cb4017 His best friend is his PS5 though.

[@toscadonna]

@@beepbopboop7727You’ll be the man’s best friend, but you can bet he won’t be yours. My ex husband would always say I was his best friend, and I’d tell him that he wasn’t mine. He never treated me well enough to win that title.

[@coolchameleon21]

forreal. in what world do straight men make good companions 😂 pass

[@Mynameshelenbtw]

​@@beepbopboop7727i rmbr a friend in hs saying her bf was her best friend and when i asked him who his bf was and he said one of his male friends, then his mom, then if he met him, lebron james. He didnt even mention her 😅😅😢

[@AutumnAprodithe]

Im alone for my safety. If you dont understand that then its also women like you i need to stay away from.

[@rinabitoni3746]

Girl! I am not lonely! 😂😂😂 I am having the best time of my life!!!

[@rn2787]

These people are being intentionally dense. When we say men do whatever it's about the cultural norm and they know it. That clearly doesn't say women don't do the thing. Decentering men isn't about men literally. It clearly means not centering your life around them. There's always fringe extremists for everything, but intellectually honest people know that. You can want romantic love and love yourself separately.

[@yumiarigama]

Thank you!

[@LadyAstarionAncunin]

I can't admit to something I don't feel. I'm an introvert and ace. I literally never, ever feel lonely as a result. Although I have great friends, I can go days or even weeks without talking to another person. I literally aspire to be a hermit someday, not a lover, a girlfriend, or a wife. So, where is the loneliness? Also, given how people conflate lust and loneliness, let's keep a buck and say the former is what a lot of these desperados feel. That need for validation through a man desiring your body has never been my bag. In fact, a man showing me he desires my body has only made me feel disgust or shame or discomfort. I don't need that. TL;DR: Girl, bye. Speak for yourself.

[@Nita_Vibes101]

I agree with the person in the gray shirt with short locs. Men also desire relationships, but we don't groom and socialize them to center women in everything they do. Men can desire partnerships without being consumed by this desire to the point where they sacrifice their dreams, goals, and ambitions. We should encourage the same from women who seek partnerships. This whole "de-center men" movement is about deconstructing those notions and helping women understand that it's okay to desire relationships, but it doesn't have to be all-consuming. It's okay to prioritize yourself and what you want. Not to mention, this is rooted in patriarchy and, like she states, it puts women at a disadvantage. But I follow that Alexia creator, and this is her Roman Empire. She is obsessed (for lack of a better word) with being partnered and doesn’t have much tolerance for "single by choice" women because it's not natural according to her and her studies. ETA: women who keep trying to convince people that the “decenter men” movement is about hating men or relationships seem to forget, or maybe they haven’t noticed, that the women leading the charge are either married or simply partnered.

[@newstart1847]

Leave her alone she a pick me but she’ll learn 😂

[@notgoodatonlinenames9943]

I don't think that makes her a pick me though...

[@haahmayan9637]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting marriage and children the white man just made ya’ll believe a lie and love feminism hence why most women on the cc and can’t pairbond. The Bible proves a woman’s role so take that up with the LORD

[@danidiaz2377]

It does

[@cb4017]

@@notgoodatonlinenames9943it does. Her life and happiness depend on having a man. She loves her man more than herself

[@AutumnAprodithe]

Men always make you feel that they would never leave you until they see someone prettier. Thats why im not bothered with men.

[@beardpapa12]

My attitude is that you can decenter men by just taking care of yourself first. Don't accept abuse, neglect or unequal amounts of effort from men in regards to any relationship you have with men. But I think that a lot of married women or divorced women can testify that it's even lonelier to have a husband but still feel like you're not getting emotional support from someone who'll sleep with you and may pay half the bills but that being the sum total of his contribution to one's life.

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

i think decentering men means "live your own life and enjoy what it offers and if you happen to meet amazing person you can pursue a relationship if you want."

[@ccannon1]

It genuinely amazes me how some people can’t understand that everybody is an individual, who thinks and feels for themselves. Also decanter men is really about enjoying your life regardless of your relationship status

[@ArtemisUnderscoreJ]

The most desirable first desire themselves.

[@Mynameshelenbtw]

Yup. If you arent happy alone, you arent happy with someone.

[@silververnallbells191]

Deep down inside I like being left the f-ck alone.

[@kay-tee335]

All sis had to say is that she's upset that she hasnt been picked. Thats all she had to do.

[@favourafinni]

I've noticed that no one thinks you're lonely except women who don't have friends or know how to foster solid relationships with people outside of a romantic relationship.

[@anatalie-d6v]

I'd rather be lonely then in a relationship or marriage with a man that do not treat me right. I can deal with the feelings of loneliness but I certainly would not be able to handle someone harming me emotionally or physically.🤔😂

[@catesj15]

Decentering men just means not prioritizing men

[@Zikomo7]

I've been blessed/cursed to be aromantic. I dont desire men (or women) for much. Most girls aren't wired like me and that's ok. It's normal to want a partner, dates, cuddles, emotional intimacy, etc. Don't feel guilty for having those desires. I think women should form a support group so they have someone to talk about it with

[@nephtalie5889]

What do you mean by cursed?

[@Zikomo7]

@@nephtalie5889 Its hard not wanting something society tells you to want.

[@TeeCG]

​@@Zikomo7Sounds like you need to accept yourself and your uniqueness.

[@1amissingno]

Women were raised on Disney fairytales, men were raised on corn.

[@ksis86]

I think shes getting 4B movement and Decentering Men mixed up lol

[@autumnl5127]

I agree 💯. I live decentered first and 4B second❤

[@nephtalie5889]

There’s nothing wrong with the 4B movement

[@silververnallbells191]

My cousin who was always much heavier than me was never w/o a man (& neither was her 400lb mom) - Lizzo dated Harry Styles. It's NOT your weight. It's your personality.

[@Laquia]

Really??! 😮 I didn't know that!

[@sxybrn79]

Agreed. Also, lizzo is very facially pretty, so that definitely helps. Men will do a lot for a pretty face.

[@stilljocelyn_]

3:00 No humans are not wired for fairytales… that’s where she got it wrong. Women believing in fairytales and romanticism of all relationships with men is exactly the problem.

[@thandompm5ex]

😂😂😂 I find her ignorant and she wants that husband so bad. Loneliness is an individual issue not the next person's. Healthy relationships are the ONLY encouraged relationships she doesn't understand the concept of decentering men. Most men dont even love women but they still marry them. She needs to wake up.

[@toscadonna]

The only woman who wants a husband is one who’s not had one before.😂

[@ana-nim]

​@@toscadonna I never had one but I don't want marriage 😂 Majority of women run away from marriages and never get married again, even from the viewer point it's obvious that marriage is something awful for women

[@iwillnotusethegothfont9312]

that last stitch hit the nail on the head. women need to start treating romantic relationships the same way that men do in order for heterosexual relationships to become fair. i can’t say that i’ve ever been played and that’s because all my life i’ve viewed romantic relationships as something that comes and goes. i don’t build my whole life around my partner because i don’t know how long our union will last. if i leave my bf or if he leaves me, i’ll still have my own life and and my own money and i’ll get over it. eventually someone new will come along if i want them. and as a bi woman who’s currently dating a man, bi women who’ve married men usually have the same outlook as that woman in the 3rd stitch and they’re VERY annoying lol.

[@coolchameleon21]

forreal. she’s naive and annoying af. something about her just irritates me to my core 😂

[@SparkleSunflower123]

Destiny, watching your facial fluctuations as you listen to her diatribe, is a whole MOOD!😂

[@DestinyUteh]

🤣🤣🤣 I can’t help it

[@karlagonzalvez4703]

Ooooooh 1st one 🥰🥰🥰 You're so beautiful Destiny!

[@DestinyUteh]

😊 thank you 🫶🫶🫶

[@JukuduB]

Also i agree with the young lady in the beaded necklace: capitalism has created romantic love. This is used to sell products, period.

[@myvids718]

💯💯💯

[@cb4017]

Yep 💯

[@AndyCroat-v6d]

Actually the French invented romantic love, about 900 years ago. Capitalism has no original ideas.

[@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables]

If she doesn't know what it means to de-center men, she should just say that. All it means is that men are not your be all and end all. Single women, with no kids, live the longest and happiest lives. The science doesn't support her pick me bs.

[@victoriaacruz2083]

Trying to a whole person and not making someone else life ur whole life, equals lonely?

[@sunnysunshine6271]

I am always flabbergasted how folks (men or women) have the audacity to speak for millions of others. Their statements are as accurate as the lottery numbers I played yesterday. For your info: I didn't win a cent lol.

[@dantayhylton9938]

They will never learn

[@toscadonna]

She’s gonna learn the hard way, unfortunately. She’s pretty enough to attract a lot of jerks-more than her fair share.

[@zareenwilhelm5811]

“Why?!” - Because when we stop pursuing so it can come to us.

[@faxnsnaxofficial7400]

I love the fact I stopped dating men and found different hobbies for myself. I actually DONT FEEL lonely, as I live my own company.

[@verda_renee]

I'm so sick of these women who don't even understand the point trying to discredit a movement they're not part of. If you don't want to decenter men, don't. Nobody is forcing you to. Why do these women feel the need to constantly worry about whether we're lonely, happy, whatever. Why do yall care??? Leave us tf alone. WE are fine. It's YALL that are consumed with our life choices. We are thriving and living our best lives and everytime we turn around one of these "happy" people is berating us about how we can't possibly be happy for real. Why is a happily partnered person sitting in the car PRESSED about what single women are doing? Go be happy with your man since that's the greatest joy you'll ever have in life. Literally just leave us tf alone.

[@nikkilong7377]

I wish this chick would get off the damn internet and go enjoy her perfect relationship and plan her wedding.

[@NiobeNeo]

Cassie and diddy?? She stayed 14 years with him... All for what??? 14 freaking yearssssssssssss?? Makes you wonder!!! Like the saying goes: things are not always what they seems. Women need to care more for their well being than being paired with anybody just to say they have a man.

[@LoveK1]

Diddy wouldn’t let her leave and was blackmailing her with photos and videos. This is not the same situation at all! Cassie was being trafficked! That’s not a decision she made!

[@NiobeNeo]

@@LoveK1 i am reffering to the story with the lady in the green shirt. She want to be with someone. Cassie started dating him too...before it all went to ll*h decenter men..

[@sheritownsend5359]

She probably couldn't get away!

[@tricieb.5921]

This should be an individual choice, women need to do what they want to do at this point. One thing is not for everybody.

[@turquesa_8056]

I am sitting here dealing with not feeling well. I was able to stay in bed all day to get some rest. If I had a man and kids I would not be able to do that. I would have to get up and act like I was not feeling well would suck.

[@toscadonna]

Yes, I was married when I broke my neck and jaw, and believe me, you don’t need some monstrous male screaming at you, “You need to start supporting me! When is it gonna be about me?!? You’ll never gonna get better! The doctors are just stealing your money! I don’t want a sick wife! You’re broken, and I’m gonna trade you in for a new model. What’s wrong with you now? Why are you sitting their with that puss look on your face?!? (I was merely sitting up on the couch in my neck brace in pain and being quiet; sorry I wasn’t smiling, Sir.”

[@coolchameleon21]

my dad had the flu a few weeks ago, and when i tell you he made me and my mom’s life HELL i mean it. his flu was mild, but he acted like he was deathly ill and was being so obnoxious to us the whole time. he expected us to stop what we were doing at the drop of a hat to take care of him. he was literally coughing and sneezing all over everything and being so inconsiderate of everyone else in the house. he kept wallowing around in the living room instead of quarantining in his room because he wanted pity and attention. he has NEVER taken care of my mom or i when we’ve been sick. we’re expected to do everything as usual on top of being sick, and we’re not allowed to complain about it. i still can’t believe my mom is with that man. she should’ve left decades ago

[@coolchameleon21]

@@toscadonnai’m so sorry you went through that

[@turquesa_8056]

@@coolchameleon21 That really sucks. I try to help my sister when I can but her kids are pretty lazy. I am sorry you have to deal with that.

[@lisabagdonjones1950]

​@@coolchameleon21Sounds like your mom should have pushed him out to the curb a long time ago

[@TheCraftySpiritualist]

She gone learn, poor dear😞

[@Untitled0752]

She will be back on the internet whining in a few months give it time 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@l0111]

Yup! She seems to be in the honeymoon phase of being picked.

[@sheritownsend5359]

There are women who are married who have decentered men. There are women who decentered men BEFORE they married. So the MAIN problem seems to be: What is meant by "decentering men"? People are disagreeing based on different concepts of what they think it means. Though I've never seen this term in writing, based on what I heard, it makes sense. It's basically deprogramming yourself from the need to live life for the approval and acceptance from men. Not making life choices from a place of FOMO, desperation or trying to impress. Simply live your life to the fullest and on your own terms. It's not a hard concept. Don't overthink it.

[@Rose-kj7rz]

Hey, I'm de-centering men these days. I've actually worked through my last incident of limerance all bc a "friend" said I should date her brother, who has never had an interest in me. That sucked b@lls. And, yes, it can get lonely. But, you know what? I've developed my fantasy relationship with a fictional character and am writing a fanfiction about it. And, I'm actually re-writing it so it reads smoother and I can publish it as a book. It's really that easy. There's no need to get on a video and complain how bs YOU think it is. Especially when it can be a life changing experience for so many others that help to propel their life forward from a symptom of mental illness and general trauma.

[@ana-nim]

Hm. But isn't limerance meant to be in your favor? Like you fake feelings for someone just to get motivation or that effect of being on drugs and then you move on as soon as your mind squeezed out everything out of that man. No? Maybe I understand concept wrong

[@Rose-kj7rz]

@@ana-nim I mean, if you're looking to develop fake feelings to "squeeze everything out of a man" and then move on, then, that would be the relationship you're looking for. It's not what I'm looking for though. And it's not the type of relationship I would advise people to be in. And, you are only understanding a part of what limerance is. It's a trauma response to never having been raised as a child with a healthy, loving family. It is fake feelings. You convince yourself that the one person you can't have, or doesn't want to be with you, is the one and only person that you belong with. You think it's love and you feel you have to convince the other person that they belong with you. It sucks. And nobody should waste years of their life trying to convince someone else they should be with them.

[@sunshinecity1868]

Judge me all you like but I was loneliest when I was in a long term romantic relationship with a man. 😢

[@lisabagdonjones1950]

Same here

[@biblethumper8088]

She's literally saying that women should be in bad relationships for the sake of community. 🙄

[@taii_chii6782]

How you came to the conclusion is beyond me

[@TinkOutLoud]

4:45 ugh. “You know damn well it’s better than being single” - girl BYE! Not everyone has a romantic void to fill! Even if they’re in a romantic relationship of any sort!!!

[@vrichards4363]

Decenter men. Life is wonderful when you put you first. All that desperation is not it. Ew

[@anonymousa-uy1hk]

Okay…I’m not sure what this woman’s problem is. If she wants to keep dating men, nobody is stopping her from doing so. She just needs to mind her own business and stay out of the way of the women who have no interest in dating them. Frankly, she’s giving major pickme energy all the while pretending she isn’t one.

[@theteleisewilliamsexperience]

My problem is these random ppl saying they're teaching other random ppl. It's weird maybe it's why ppl are so lost. Let ppl do what they want. All these movements are stupid. If women want 2 center men and be pick me trad wives let them be great because who cares. I'm 2 selfish 2 center a man. I don't care what makes them happy. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@lisabagdonjones1950]

The reason women have been so vocal about decentering men and 4B is because men and society are so damn loud in the camp of let-everyone-use-you-until-you-drop. Evangelists, conservatives, misogynists, red pillers are squealing their demands of women everyday and women need to hear that it's ok to completely ignore them

[@jungersrules]

Loneliness has nothing with being alone. People can feel lonely in a crowded room, or in a loveless or abusive marriage.

[@LoveMe0516]

lol some women really don’t get the point. “De-centering” men just simply means that having a relationship isn’t your only goal in life. It means you live for more than just being a wife or mother. You can make love a priority without making it your everything. A lot of what people desire comes from what they envy and envying something you have very little info on is why everyone is miserable.

[@DianaPrinceitiswhatitis]

Women have to do what is best for them period. Can’t nobody see inside the mind and hearts of other women

[@ayeshabjordan]

They heard decenter men and translated it to never date again and die lonely. 🙄

[@OshunErzulieHetHeru]

Red pill in a green shirt 😒

[@pamjam098]

And that’s the thing. If she hadn’t started out the video with saying “ya’ll are full of ish and pretending to be happy whiles you’re single” I probably would have seen where she was coming from. She acts like she is being forced to decenter men.

[@Kontroversial84]

If ya'll are so happy being single, why are you so triggered by this lady's comments? She's not telling women to stay in abusive relationships. She didn't give any harmful advice. She has the right to her opinion just like anyone else.

[@pamjam098]

I don’t think ppl are “getting triggered by this lady’s comment” as you put it. A lot of us understand her point of view but simply don’t agree with. (Also I want to ask you, let’s say you’re living your best life, not hurting anyone and out of the blue, someone tells you “you’re full of ish for (this, that and third), would you take kindly to that…?! If she was more respectful about agreeing to disagree, a lot of ppl wouldn’t criticise her as harshly. You get what you put out.)🤷🏾‍♀️

[@ufos-cos]

That’s HER projection, SHE is lonely. Not me 😂😂😂

[@falliblepossiblygullible2920]

I think both "decenter men" and "I want companionship" can co-exist. I think a lot of women don't just want a partner, they want someone good. I don't think she understands that. Her point of departure is one from ignorance. Not all romance is good, what is desirable is good romance. Even if we are social animals, it goes against instincts of survival to seek what is clearly not good for you simply because you want to have it. Even the lady supporting her who was trying to give nuance, she's also projecting and speaking from ignorance. At the core of it all, choice. If people choose hobbies, why are yall telling them to prioritise romance? When you prioritise romance, you're making a choice too

[@observantsweetie]

We need to start looking at loneliness as symptom of mental illness and stop looking at it as something that’s normal for all humans. With loneliness comes desperation and desperation make you do things so out of character you stop caring about your and other peoples well being because you want satisfaction even if it’s in the moment. Look at what’s going on today a lot of lonely men (who don’t know how to regulate their emotions or emote in a way that’s not harmful to other) are harassing others in their pursuit of getting who they want (not just in violent ways but gaslighting and fear-mongering ppl into relationships they may not necessarily want) Another case is women who don’t acknowledge their issues around the real sources of their loneliness tend to people please, cling and get into relationships with people who literally put their life in danger (whether physically (physical abuse, a$$ault, $3xual a$$ult, etc) mentally ($3xual hara$$m3nt , nonconsensual relationships etc) or health wise(stds,sti, etc).

[@HHCF713]

I’m seeing the younger generation being more dense on this subject. They think they know but really don’t. It comes across as they figured it out based on hypothetical situations versus people that are older and more experienced is sitting back like yeah, it’s not going to end that way. 😂

[@princesskrazy13]

Less than 7 mins in but from what was said about decentering men, at least from my perspective, decentering men does not mean do not date and to forsake romantic relationships for hobbies or non romantic love; from what I understand decentering men simply means that the way you live your life and build your life is not purely for the sake of getting/keeping a man. That you can still be fulfilled in what you are doing even if there is a desire for romantic relationship, you don't put your life on hold hunting for a man b/c "life doesn't begin til you have a man" like i have seen a few ppl i know irl that felt that all the goals they met mean nothing b/c they are single. at least that's how i see it

[@Katty-ev2no]

She has always had terrible takes. She is trying to be too special and intellectual. The problem is yearning for love, because patriarchy has taught us that we can't just want love we have to want the men to choose us. She has been choosen, so she is doing too much.

[@amyadams9970]

I dont understand why there are still people coming onto tiktok to convenience other people to date. There are so many videos explaining why some women are choosing to decentered men, like look at those videos!! However I will agree, I do feel as those people in relationships (not all), sometimes treat single people differently and it is weird

[@puli_dreadhead]

To me decentering men means Don’t lose yourself to maintain a relationship. Decentering men can also include your son or male relatives now and that doesn’t involve romantic love.

[@CAMICAZE007]

Even listen to This Girl.Because first of all, I was a Virgin throughout my whole high school year which means I didn't have a boyfriend that I paid attention to and now that I'm 44 years old, I choose not to be with the man.Therefore I like the best.I ever looked at my life.My physique is off to change so I'd never focused on man in my life.Therefore i'm not gonna end my life for a man.. Therefore, giving birth and dying. Therefore, living with this man and dying. Therefore, spending my life with this man and dying from a broken heart. That's why you descenter men and cause It will be the end of you. .mona lisa

[@tatisloveoth]

Lol pathetic pick me

[@23faithstar]

I’m married and I decentered men a long time ago, including my husband. Learned to start doing it at 13 before it even had this name and really got the concept through therapy and decentering pleasing EVERYONE, including men, when I was 17 and in college in therapy. It’s actually helped me a lot in every relationship I have, including my family, friends, and yes my marriage, because I have learned to self regulate a lot better and to find joy in relationships of all kinds for the different things people bring to each type (and enjoy the people themselves for who they are-including learning to not let their flaws impact me too much just like I shouldn’t take my flaws out on others). So I actually kinda hate how gendered the topic is when EVERYONE should recenter toxic people in their lives period, and yes by god it’s a lot of men, so I get why that’s why this has picked up a lot, but also decenter toxic friends and family as well. Focus on you and your your self worth and inner peace, how you regulate yourself in bad times, that’s key to all relationships period, so you can be better how you approach the world-whether it’s wanting to be in romantic relationships or not-and that’s the main theme decentering is (or should be). Hate how people like the lady in green have taken it out of context though😅

[@jungersrules]

I'm physically attracted to men as a straight female. However, psychologically they do nothing for me. Most act/behave as if they haven't even made it to puberty. However, I do love romance. Well ... I found a solution that leaves me 100% satisfied. BLs. Yup, just recently discovered them and I once again "love men." It's tough to explain. Through BLs I get the romantic guy through a woman's perspective (most of BLs are written and directed by women). AND oddly the best thing is, there is no female character who I'm constantly comparing myself to! So, I just sit back, relax and enjoy. 🤣 I still don't understand why I'm so turned on by them as I have never, as an Asian women who grew up being attracted only to white guys, been attracted to Asian men. Now, I think they are HOT physically. OH, that's another thing! I actually am goo-goo ga-ga over their bodies! I've NEVER been like that in the past! I'm so confused, yet so happy! 🥰

[@TinkOutLoud]

🥱 We’re all hurt and lonely. 😒 Obviously she and others that think like her don’t understand what decentering men and relationships actually means. BUT WHY DO THEY CARE? If they want to be in relationships and have men their first priority, then do that. It doesn’t take a community of people to help them in their dating lives. how they go about their dating lives has nothing to do with others.

[@iamdanielle_]

How many of the women giving this advice are either in a healthy relationship/married? Honestly, we as women have to learn to stop taking bad advice. If you want to be loved or in a healthy relationship, pursue it. If you want to focus on yourself and your hobbies, do that. Neither of these options is wrong. Do what makes your soul happy. Dont crucify the 4B ladies or pick me women. It is their choice, not yours. Every choice is a sacrifice, make a choice you can live with. Men and women are not equal. We need to stop judging each other and just be of support. The treatment you desire can only be determined by you, not another women who has her chosen mate. Turn the table single ladies, tell those "married single ladies" to leave the security of their relationships and watch how quick they "protect their energy /peace" and dismiss you.

[@taii_chii6782]

You’ve slightly misconstrued what she said. She highlighted that decenter men is BS thing to say to people who are single that who express a desire for romantic partnership. What she said wasn’t difficult to say

[@LaLa_856]

Sis, de-center men and make yourself the center of attention. It's not that deep. Some people enjoy being single some don't. Still, you should be the most important person in your life! ❤️

[@mariapaz6379]

I want to give this opinion from someone who does not experience romantic love, i am what people call aromantic, you might think its a made up bs, but it has a very district and clear flavor of "oh no, everyone talks in a language that i cannot decipher". From my own lack of romance i can say, normal people do experience a craving for a distinct flavor of love. This craving can and does turn in desperation, regardless of how fulfilled or satisfied they are in their life and there is nothing inherently evil or wrong with that. The thing is, this craving leads them to make less than stellar choices, its like going to a convenience store on a empty stomach, you are going to buy an overpriced snack even though you know its against your diet or your pocket. The current decenter men movement at its most pure shape is about decentering love, it makes women conscious that a lot of their decisions are based on a need for love and how that sometimes leads them into bad situations. By making women conscious, this allows them the possibility to prepare better, to make better choices in advance, to work out better solutions at the moment and to know when to stop if they find themselves in trouble. Finally i want to say that a lot of the discussion of decentering men, in which some people very clearly want to distance themselves from men, exists in a very particular context. It is not that women can live without men because they are superior human beings, but distancing themselves from men because the men surrounding them suck. They are not saying "hate men because they are evil", but "between a toxic draining relationship and a lonely but safe life, which one would you choose?"