Dementia Care Partner Talk Show Podcast: Ep. 86 - "I Want to Go Home!"

[@irmapena9319]

Muchas gracias again :)

[@andrea859]

So helpful ❤❤❤.

[@patritter2235]

Great talk, gives me something to look at situations differently.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hay Pat, thank you for reaching out. This is Dan from Teepa's team, my apologies for it taking me so long to reply. When I started working for Teepa, this is one of those things that hit me like a lightning bolt. I would hear phrases like this and take them so literally, my brain just couldn't process it. With Teepa's explanation I can now be more curious and it makes so much more sense. If you'd like to see more from Teepa, we'd love it if you subscribed to her page and feel free to visit her website teepasnow.com for more helpful information and resources. Thanks!

[@victoriajohnson3034]

This was really helpful. Not sure i would have seen the under lying meaning

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hey Victoria, thanks for reaching out. This is Dan from Teepa's team, my apologies for it taking me so long to reply. When I started working for Teepa, this is one of those things that hit me like a lightning bolt. I would hear phrases like this and take them so literally, my brain just couldn't process it. With Teepa's explanation I can now be more curious and it makes so much more sense. If you'd like to see more from Teepa, we'd love it if you subscribed to her page and feel free to visit her website teepasnow.com for more helpful information and resources. Thanks!

[@juliecayer]

Great advice! My mom lives with my dad and she is constantly asking to go home. She says, her mom is wondering where she is and needs to be there. Or she’s bored where she is. She has been married to my dad for 63 years, and sadly often doesn’t recognize him. I have actually done all you have said, and yes we should step back and take a deep breath before reacting, but at times it’s extremely difficult. I have been a caregiver for my parents for over 2 yrs and have on several occasions have taken her home, her childhood place, all is good and within hours she says « I want to go home ». Its frustrating and sad all at the same time.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Glad you found the information helpful! Care partnering with a person living with dementia is definitely an interesting journey for all involved and can be an emotional roller coaster for everyone along for the ride. It sounds like you are really willing to allow yourself space to learn and willing to try different responses to the variety of challenging situations that occur for you. Nice job being flexible and trying to adapt to best meet your mom's needs. For more information about brain changes, unmet needs, and the progression of dementia, please visit us at: teepasnow.com/resources/about-dementia/

[@darlenecarman7644]

Thank you!, Is there a plan B if they call you out on your agreeing to take them home?

[@teepasnowvideos]

Yes! A change of scenery or perhaps using a Positive Action Starter (PAS)..."I know you've got to get home..but i'm wondering if you can help me with something first"...and then get started on a task that gives them some purpose. Feel free to connect with us via the website if you would like to speak with someone who can help you figure out what might work for the folks you support.

[@Kumachanchan]

when people say they want to go home it could mean they dont feel safe and home is a comforting idea. Maybe you can say something like "ok I understand. can we sit for a little bit so we can wait to go? to defuse then intensity? all emotions are biochemical storms and may need time

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @Kumachanchan, nice suggestion. It does help to let the person know that you understand, you may also be able to just move to another room or a quieter location if possible. You may also be interested in our longer webinar that talks about this topic (shop.teepasnow.com/product/i-want-to-go-home-recorded-webinar/) or read this blog article (teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-calm-a-person-living-with-dementia-who-is-wanting-to-go-home/) for more ideas.

[@helennelson959]

I do like the idea of taking them out but my dad has recently had a leg amputation above the knee, and mum and I can't get him out the house because of steps.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Helen, thank you for reaching out. My name is Paula and I work for Teepa . I am sorry to hear that your dad had to have an amputation it must make it very difficult for you, especially as you said taking him out can be a challenge. Maybe bringing coffee or a favorite dessert from a place he likes will help , bring the outside to him. It is difficult without a ramp and the means necessary. If we can be of further help please reach out. Have a great day.

[@cantfinda1]

(J) mom doesn't ask, I want to go home. She says, where is everyone? And she doesn't know who she's looking for. Mainly as supper time is coming and after. She's usually okay with what she's told and if we give her something to do. But sometimes the loop is rough.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Were meal times always a gathering place for her back in the day? Feel free to connect with us via the website if you're interested in talking with someone who can help you figure out some new things to try as a way to ease her distress.

[@cantfinda1]

@@teepasnowvideos (J) oh yes, meal time was for the family to be together in all fazes of her life. And since she mixes up our brother, with her brothers and sometimes with our deceased dad. She really thinks she should be informed of peoples where abouts.

[@TheWrinkle]

What is your position on "fiblets"? It can be a good strategy to use when these kinds of responses come up.

[@teepasnowvideos]

There's really nota quick response to this but if you would like to discuss the topic in more detail, please connect with us via our website.

[@charlesbatchelor6185]

I'm a big fan of Teepa Snow, but most people coming to this podcast aren't likely to be dealing with someone who is home and doesn't know it, the person needing care is likely in a care facility and they "want to go home."

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @Charles Batchelor, so glad that you are a fan and continue to listen. You make an interesting point in that many people in a care facility may "want to go home" and I agree, but I've also had people in a space/home they've lived in for a very long time not recognize it in a moment. The use of the phrase "I want to go home" is used by many of us when we just want to move to another location that's more comfortable for us. Check out these resources on our website (teepasnow.com/search/?search=i%20want%20to%20go%20home) which include a video and an article.

[@onthehill3381]

My mom is at home where she has lived for 50 years. I live with her. She asks to go home all the time.

[@karihayden3177]

I prefer the more positive and encouraging approach from Dementia Careblazers.

[@teepasnowvideos]

@Kari Hayden. Thank you for sharing your opinion. It's nice to know that there are others out there also talking about care partnering and helping people to understand more about dementia.

[@onthehill3381]

Dementia Careblazers host annoys me with the baby talk voice.

[@karihayden3177]

@@onthehill3381 that's too bad that her voice bothers you. She has lots of wisdom and insight