Depression Sucks | Vlog/Update

Just wanted to put this update out there so you guys know i'm still around and I'm planning to get back into streaming soon. Just dealing with some heavy depression and mental health issues in the meantime.
Watch Live @ / scudpunk

[@jefftutorials]

Stay strong Scud 💙 Love ya

[@a13x916]

stay strong my dude, u got a bunch of us wishing you well and hoping to see you get better and come back to streaming

[@war2life]

God this is so relatable as someone who has Crohn's and has been through a lot of emotional turmoil for someone my age. missing out on like 5 years of school and all the experiences that come with being young and having them replaced by shitting 10 times a day and being in pain all day, it sucks. The thing you said about brushing your teeth man.... its been 3 days since i have and i legit haven't thought a second about it. i feel for you man and i can only wish you the best of luck

[@ZunicG]

"Scudpunk is my Hero" , Will always love tuning in no matter what it is or when. Stay strong much love.

[@baliton2006]

Scud you can do anything we all know it that's why we've continued to be faithful, all of us love you as a content creater and as a person you've helped a lot of us through some tough times I hope that you know that you have our support to get better, I just hope to see the usual streams and videos ^_^

[@larss182]

I can relate so much to this.. It started with just mental issues but now it's also starting to affect my physical health and i feel like i have no stamina left at all. Going outside cost 10x the energy compared to a non depressed person and i feel like no one understands cause they probably don't know how bad it actually is. But there's one thing that keeps me alive and that's everyone who's there for me from online friends to RL friends without them i might've given up. I'm not sure how to say this but stay strong and maybe you'll find something or someone that motivates you to keep moving and hopefully when time comes you'll start feeling better. GL man

[@jabool5605]

Hey Scud, glad to see you back. Not sure if this helps because I obviously don't know your situation but I thought of how you had somewhat recently gotten over a serious illness, and might be having a hard time trying to get back to normal. From my personal experience, I had to live with abusive father until I was 13, and once I finally got to live with my mom and step dad full time, I was still depressed. I continued to miss a ton of school each year even into high school, and felt like I just couldn't function and do what seemed to be easy for everyone else. I think part of what slowed me down on the road to finally feeling happy was that I felt that not being around my dad was supposed to make everything be ok and normal right away. I felt like if I couldn't improve in a big way immediately then people would think that wasn't the problem and maybe i should go back to split custody. I continued to feel this pressure to be happy like because a big issue got solved people are just gonna think I'm weak if I can't improve right away and that pressure kept me anxious and was probably a big component in me staying depressed. I eventually just put all my focus into doing what makes me happy and avoiding what I dreaded doing, and I still feel pretty uncertain about my future, but I'm happy with where I am and i finally realized that's what's important. I'm not sure if feeling a sort of pressure to be happy and/or go back to normal after getting over your illness is or isn't an element to what you're going through right now, but I just want you to know that there are a bunch of people who don't care how long it takes for you to get back on your feet, we just want what's best for you and are here for you if you need us. I wish you the best.

[@Kiwi_329]

Love you man I've struggled through depression before and believe it or not your streams and videos helped me out alot!!! I hope you feel better soon bro much love ❤❤❤

[@scudpunk]

Thanks man, much love to you too

[@Kiwi_329]

Cheers man means a lot!!! and don't worry there are many people that still love you.... your work is one of a kind

[@jacks_Dc5]

Were rooting for ya scud! Keep taking care of yourself and take as long as you need! We'll always be waiting.

[@jordanlewis6530]

Hey scud. I remember finding your stream and watching your stream for the first time a couple years ago. I was hooked and have been since. You're a wonderful streamer and a wonderful person all around. I hope you feel better man. Much love ❤

[@thebiglost1]

Keep moving forward bud, you got this

[@notMateoo]

Love you scud. Stay up my man!

[@kahlil3313]

Glad to see you back bro hope you get better soon, we’re all rooting for you.

[@smileymcgee6584]

So glad you’re back Scud!

[@ZeroExcuse]

We miss you dude! I'm proud to say you're the one that got me into streaming and into RUST. I hope you feel better soon. Sorry for lacking on my mod duties 🤐

[@dopenessgaming4691]

Scud take as long as you need sorry you have to deal with this! Wish I could take your depression away. Love you man JeffyxHD

[@owloaf783]

you are a individual that defined rust for me when i started out 3 years ago, the thing with you scudpunk is its not about what u do its about you and who u are and the energy you give out that makes people like you and keep supporting you, although ur gameplay when u played rust in ur prime was top quality most people were there bc it was you and how you are and your personality, i really get the feel wit the depression thing ive been trying to say to myself that im not depressed and that im all good but you just made me realize i am depressed everything you said right there is me as much as i hate to say it and hate to think about it, i have my good days where i do really good and am able to have a good time wit my friends and then there are those days i dont want to be around anyone and i stay in bed all day and the stuff you mentioned, not gonna lie was really weird to hear u say that so spot on but it was good for me to realize. glad to see your still keeping it 100 brotha

[@alanmyr1507]

Take your time scud, where all here for you when your ready

[@bowiemoonen2565]

You honestly changed my life that one day you raided me With your Veiwers they care so much. And I played with Bryce Bread and the gang for a little over a year. and up from that day on I put a hundred hundred and 10% into my Twitch streaming and not to long 2 months later I quit my job. and I had to recently take a break to I took almost 2 months I got in the car accident and I broke my false teeth I didn't have the encouragement or than Self esteem as and I had before and my anxiety and depression was going up the roof and I have a video I have to post that I'm not trying to push it or anything I'm just trying to go from the standpoint of when I raid you and just talking to you before you're a great guy and I came back today I just finished my return stream and I tried to come back before and my ram died from 16 to 8gb and man I hit me hard and delayed everything I wore a mask on the return . First thing you said in my chat "I'm a Gay Robit and I do Gay robotbutt stuff"-ScudPunk So I thought I was a troll till your 180+ veiwers warmed my heart. Your Truly PoneyBoy

[@BombShot]

I know the feel man... Hope you get well soon

[@asdfasdf565]

love ya scud, hope you start feeling better soon man :D

[@owenhutchings4209]

Bro miss you so much hope u feel better soon

[@jvandy3619]

We’re here for ya we love ya scud take your time

[@robertfoglia1240]

I love you Josh :) I was at my lowest October of last year. Luckily you and Adria filled me up with love and stood by my decision to save myself. You came and visited me, and now I am here to return the favor. I'll never give up on you Josh.

[@merk3546]

Love you scud glad to see you are still ok.

[@plebkingx551]

Take as much time as you need. We'll be here waiting :)

[@irish1776]

Scudpunk, I have been watching you for the last 3 years. I struggle with depression as well and I feel for you man. Just know that there are people out there that really care about you and enjoy your gameplay and content. If you need help, try to get it man. Keep your chin up.

[@KevinMullins84]

I suffered with deep depression for 4 long years, the most difficult time of my life. Almost ended it a few times but was too much of a pussy.... what pulled me out of the depression was meeting my wife, she made me feel like life was worth living and now I’ve achieved so much since then, life is better than ever... my point is there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you can’t see it right now it still there, you don’t need to search for it, one day you’ll see it... for now I would just face the daily battles scudpunk, take each day as it comes. It’s such a rollercoaster and some days will be better than others as you know, just embrace those good days... I feel you for and all that suffer with depression... take care dude!

[@DougDimUhDome]

I've been watching you since Arma 3 BR. I love you brother

[@friskyfrog1618]

I loved watching you play Rust a few years ago back when I was super depressed. I remember coming home from school everyday and just laying in my bed watching the stream. You were the only thing/person that could truly make me laugh. I haven't tuned in to the streams since you came back. I moved in between that time and now, where I live, my internet sucks so bad that I can't use twitch. But anyway, stay strong buddy. I know you can power through this. Love ya!

[@averagehero1]

Hey man, i get you. Depressions a hell of a thing. I was depressed for years. I had a psychotic break that lasted for months, voices, hallucinations, the whole 9 yards. It took me years to come back from it. And I still feel the lasting effects of it but i'm on the other side now. Theres always hope even when it seems like hope is the enemy. Learn what you need to survive and then learn what you need to get by, then learn what you need to succeed. When it hurts to move take a shower. And don't feel ashamed if progress is incremental. I used to be ashamed that taking a shower was an accomplishment, but it is. And its a step in the right direction. And forgive yourself man. Take the time you need, A bunch of strangers think you're awesome and strangers don't have a reason to lie.

[@annonymousblueduck]

Hey scud, I'm just a guy who lives across the pond from you and likes video games, it's amazing how much of an impression you have left on me, I loved your rust videos more than any other content creator. There's thousands of us here who will do anything we can to help. I know I'll never forget you. Keep reaching out to your fans and the community if there's anything we can do.

[@lolsoradicall]

SCUD IM GIVING YOU ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF TIME TO RECOVER FROM THIS! Its rough, and we love you! You have helped me and thousands of others with depression too! I couldn't just give up on you

[@liamkelly4478]

good to see you're alive. love ur videos btw been with you for years .

[@Ichichux]

Love you Scud! I'll allways stick by you no matter what. Just take your time to heal, depression sucks big time.

[@roadhousebam6677]

Dude been worried about you man stay stronger Scud. Your an amazing dude and have amazing content and You will bounce back in no time.

[@freshvape6999]

I love your content on youtube and twitch, I have been watching your vids for so long now. depression is a hard battle to face and i hope you can overcome your depression and start doing what you love

[@jonnobud3541]

Take the time you need. My dad died a few months ago and it really fucks you up mentally too. One love brother.

[@bawta]

Might be a bit late but I love you dude. I first discovered you about 4 years ago on Trove doing a giveaway. Came for the giveaway, stayed for the legend I found. Stay strong, can't wait for you to get back into the game!

[@Cakemonster147]

Always love your streams and hearing from you Scud! Take care dude.

[@sktt1oppa463]

I'm working through depression also. I find that living a more balanced lifestyle helps a lot. This could be done by going for a walk, going to the gym, spending time with friends or family, and going out to the cinema. Hope you get better brother, i feel for you.

[@teteno100]

When i first started playing Rust you were the first streamer i ever saw playing that game and i loved every secound of your stream it was truly amazing having a drink and watching you! Thank you and get well soon dude

[@Keecia57]

Scud we are all proud of you for keeping us informed. I’m feeling stuck just like you and not really seeing a clear way out yet, The thing is I know that I will be able to get out of this cloud, I just need to allow myself too. What I mean by that is that I seem to get to what I call a cloudy stage where I know I have a lot of things troubling me but I couldn’t pick it out the grey cloud that’s masking my life. (I tend to just numb it out till it’s gone!) Live day to day and don’t make big plans for something incase you feel let down that you can’t do it. So it might not go away forever but you will always have blocks of time that you feel nearly like scud, these are the times to quickly Do something you love with should bring a positive note to your day. Much love scud xxx

[@dennishayes7815]

Stay strong Scud

[@toddwhitman6389]

Hey man....I kno how u feel man...Iv struggled with Crohns since 2006 n been through 12 surgeries n addiction problem yet now got 6years clean from that... its a daily struggle with mental health man jst live day by day

[@guesswho961]

is that a sheep in the background at the beginning

[@hulkssgaming3066]

been watchin since 2015, always made me laugh man thanks

[@pitbullpowers]

Love you 2 big homie. Feel better ight.

[@stnapy]

I have been Watching your streams for 3 years and have always been entertained 💙

[@dailysnipesfc4692]

Love you scud, take as much time as you need ❤️

[@ccolman777]

You can get through anything 💙 you have so many people backing you up. But you have to take care of yourself first! I've always looked up to you, you're the only real big brother I've ever had. & I'm do excited that Jasper gets to grow up with the coolest unlce!❤

[@Goomero]

the older I get, the more depressed I get, i like to think of it as an age phase or something, being the same age as you, what helps for me is finding creative outlets, like I started learning unity a year ago and it helps me look forward to happiness by creating

[@salahjayosi5214]

Man don’t even think about it, keep up the good work :) you’re a great person after all, with or without depression. Keep your head up 🙌🏻

[@marcusromero8083]

Hey man there's nothing some green can't help, it won't cure it but it will for sure help out homie!!

[@stevenrosenburgh9813]

HJUNE RAID!!! I have depression as well and I've finally started seeing a therapist last week! It seems to be the best decision I've ever made would highly recommend it. Good luck you can do it man

[@nailbomb420]

Lots of love, I know the feels man. Take as long as you need and try not to worry about us lot yo. You're missed, but we'll be here for you whenever you get back. peace dude.

[@josephmaldonado9439]

Hey Scud stay strong man comeback when you are ready. Your health is more important then content no need to apologize. I help you get well soon man.

[@CyoUNxtTuesdayy]

It may not seem like it man but having streamers like you who are open to talking about mental health is super important. Take care of yourself man, even if you never made it back we would understand and Im sure people would keep supporting you. We will be happy as long as you are and those that arent probably were never happy to begin with.

[@clawwer4404]

I'm not a man, I'm a boy... I've only been depressed a few years.. It got better.. But it's now in a state were I don't know If I'm in my depression still or if it's over... The roughest It has ever gotten was me thinking of ending it.... But in the end the backdoor of my head called happy moments came to rescue... Even though depression was probably one of the thoughest parts of my life, there was a state in my depression that I want to get back to.. It's hard to explain, The feeling was like complete darknes, silence, like I did not exist or I didn't have a conscience whenever I closed my eyes...Like floating in a black void of nonexistence... I don't know how to explain it.. But I know I want to get back there, without being so gdmn depressed and tired... this might be a sign that im still depressed.. I don't know, But I hope things get better even tho I know It's hard doing anything because you don't feel like doing anything... You have to force it and it will become a habit.. But atleast you might be able to force something you like to do.. I hope that forcing won't make you hate hate it! GL

[@jakengniel]

I feel you, when i lost my depression i had alot of problems with school and home so i just wanted to cry idk why but thats what i wanted

[@ORKESTRAL666]

Hey man, love your content. Take your time man. Even vloging is good content from you :) Take care of yourself, much love

[@chillipadawan9264]

Hey Scudpunk, Sending you all of the love brother. The darkness of depression ius something that is well known to myself. Stay strong brother.... and in the words of Luke Cage..... "Always forward, Forward Always"

[@Acrophobia1981]

You are the only person I watch on Twitch,you take as long as you need bro. We will be here #Spicyboys4life

[@bobbygoat23]

head up bro, hope you are doing well. I come back to your channel every month or 2 to see if you have started posting again, but do whats best for you. Also on the advice thing, start going to the gym, it sucks for a week or 2 but once you get in the rhythm, the idea that you are doing something good for yourself and your health helps a hell of a lot.

[@grizzihd]

Hey man, it’s GrizziHD. I’ve been a viewer of yours for such a long time and each day that I watched you stream years ago was the things I looked forward to. I was in a dark place, and in a sense, I still am; but I always loved watching you and the spicy boys just have a fun time in Rust. I’m rambling honestly, but what I wanted to say was keep your head up. I know what it’s like to be in a rut, but you CAN do it. I’m coming up next year to my 5th year since my 5150. I owe a ton of my recovery mentally to your streams. I fucking miss you man. Keep grinding

[@dawsongurschke6839]

I've had depression alot lately so I know how u feel I almost committed sucied but my friends help me through it so don't give up ma. There is always something to look forward to brotha

[@eNeruFPS]

You don't owe anything to anyone. The content you created was/is unique and at this point your supporters do it for the love they want to show you. Keep strong brotha! PS: been watching your BO4 videos you seem fucking dope and passioned boi! Much love man forever grateful to you.

[@Timster918]

Stay strong and keep moving forward man. I’ll be there when you get back🙏🏿🔥

[@shwankypants4541]

Ty skud i hope you feel better soon, idk how to tell my story but here goes. I grew up on an orchard in south Australia, when i was 13 my mom suffered a spinal injury after being thrown off my horse. Which she got cos bikes were "too dangerous" 😂. I took up the role of her carer which continued until the age of 24, at which point i had to kick her out of my house because of her drug addiction. The last ten years ive spent doing whatever i want and now im bored out of my mind. I have no social skills or education and spent most of my life blaming everyone else for my problems. I filled my mind with rage and aggression to feel a sense of control on my mothers violent world of heroin abuse. I've started to accept I'm the only one who can change my life, but only since my middle finger on my left hand has started to twitch constantly. This has made me dwell on my mortality and is really messing with my mind. I don't know how to end this intrepid tale other than to say, ty for being there when all else has fallen away. It's really nice to hear a positive point of view from someone who knows what it's like and has also been through so much shit as well. Stay strong skud and again ty for being you 😉👍

[@br0wnies688]

Bro and to you, speaks a lot about your character what you did for your mother. Keep at it man.

[@ShinyGiratina028]

❤️

[@RONNIE420]

Do what you need to do bro we are always here.

[@RustyRocket]

take the time you need ! wish you the best

[@beangames6679]

dude u are great dont think that u are letting us down dude just take care of your self man. Get your self sorted and u will be fine man your a great dude with a big future and dont think to your self that u are throwing it away bc u are not. u just have to have a brake and dont feel rushed, me and all your fans small are big are all hear for u.

[@jacob4816]

I loved the stream a long time ago when you were talking with a squeaker voice changer and you said something about a “turtle”, I don’t remember the exact line but it was funny as hell. Anyways love u scud, hope the mindfog lifts soon.

[@Sanamononoke]

Love u scud your a awsome guy keep well love from Australia man

[@firme8809]

🇦🇺 🇦🇺 🇦🇺 🇦🇺

[@HeyimGhouls]

You’ll do fine scud...... keep your head up and ignore the haters. I watched you for a long time. Used to watch your streams and a lot changed .... I’m also goin through some struggles. Lost a good job cuz I broke up with my ex a few months ago because I wanted to enjoy myself and be with other woman. I started drinking a lot. I drank for like 2 weeks straight. I’m currently trying to figure out what I’m meant to do. But you’ll make it. I hope we all will

[@harget3911]

Remember that, we love you dude! Keep fighting

[@MrSmithe11]

Stay strong man, no need to apologize for being human.

[@trevdog]

love you. Stay strong.

[@MrUrangatan]

I wish you a fast recovery Scud back to clarity and happiness. I suffered severe depression around 7 months into a new marriage 11y ago. Took 3 years of different anti-depressants but after seeing something on tv I asked the docs to test me for low testosterone which turned out to be the cause of my depression (due to autoimmune medication given for arthritis). Sometimes it takes time to find the right treatment, for me it wasn't antidepressants in the end (they made me worse and more emotionally unstable) but a shot of testosterone every 3 weeks was my solution and I felt the change to a more normal self almost within a few hours of my first injection. I remember giggling that night for the first time in like 3 years (had the biggest grin) and have been going from strength to strength ever since (over 7y now but did change to tablets instead of injections about 4y ago, more stable base line of testosterone). Hope you start feeling better soon & positive vibes headed your way

[@koan9033]

Dear ScudPunk, Im a 15 yearold male from Australia, i have numerously watched your rust videos, i subbed to you back half way last year and watched all your videos and you are the one person who gave me the love and passion to play other 6000 hours of rust, i have watched all your rust videos numerous times and always wondered where you were and when the scudpunk hoodie came out i didnt actually buy it sadly and spent the next year trying to find it, anyway just wanted to say; everyone has your back, So many of us have mental health problems and many dont deal with it aswell as you, i hope to one day talk to you over discord or something like that. Have a good one ¬Nolife; Sam p.s my vids are cool too ;)

[@johnborton4801]

I GOT YOUR HOODIE SCUDPUNK!!!

[@piranha9558]

Bro my brother is going through the same thing as you man and ik he can do it just as much as you can bro like you have made peoples lives entertaining with your vids and your an amazing human man you can do anything and everything my man ,i love you bro your the best

[@reecopolis2248]

I know you'll get through this scud I love you bro

[@chulogonza]

We love you Scud! No matter what.

[@Jokerbuzzed]

Yo Scud, I obviously can't speak for everyone here but you know we love you baby and we're here if you need us. The important thing is that you take your time and come back when you're ready and mentally prepared for it. You're easily one of the best streamers on twitch and we will always be there for you.

[@luisdwq123]

Get better bud, your videos where always entertaining keep it up and stay strong!

[@ricardorosa8481]

Hey Scud, i hope you get better soon i followed you long time ago. You was the frist streamer i followed on Twich, i dont talked alot on chat, the times i talked its for say hello and you allways reply sayng "hi Ricardo" but i was there all the time. I have there very good moments i laught alot with your " oh oh uh uh mamasita" xD. So be strong Scud, i know you will much love from Portugal and keep going Scud.

[@NAZbRust]

Don’t worry man! Take your time we will all be here when you are ready to come back. I like watching you cause you remind me of myself a lot like personality wise and just life wise. Because a lot of the struggles you have went through are extremely similar to the struggles in my life. I hope maybe one day we can play or something

[@playerbonesowns]

Been watching for years bud, hope I don't have to stop anytime soon

[@shotsRUST]

Love you buddy

[@chapperzz]

Take as much time as you need Scud! ❤️

[@74747Kyle]

You’re the youtuber that made me want to play rust to begin with, take as much time as it takes man. We don’t care if u want to play other games either man, do what makes u happy and what yr drawn towards. keep yr chin up man

[@Chinydwarfinat3r]

two months ago, my biological father passed away, I still miss him, all i see was pain and a feeling that you cant do anything about it, seeing him having an oxygen mask and tank for 4 days and night, 4th day I rested then next day he passed away. Its just i had to accept it that his gone and part of life. I guess i have to stay strong as I ever can be, you can too.

[@kevaara4197]

I’ve been going through some depression too lately.. love ya scud ❤️

[@Misterlxl]

love you scud, have a great day!

[@jakengniel]

I loved your base design for 4 years ago i still remember, and your solo gameplay for 2 years ago i think. was waiting every day for that. Why am i crying fak

[@CODhigh]

hey scud im a little late, but check up on you from time to time. just wanna say i love you dude, and i hope you get out of this funk. happens to the best of us man. stay strong

[@Game_Hobo]

I’ll never give up on you Scud, I love you man! _Hobo_

[@euanreeves]

Hey scud man take your time, I know how it feels man having my own struggles now aswell

[@ps3rambo199187]

Take your time, I’ve been thru it you’ll get there eventually.