Depression, Suicide and YouTube

[@riversen9709]

Steve, I have some thing I want to say. I've had a rough time in my short life were I was getting bullied in school, I had a very limited amount of friends and every day I woke up I just didnt want to to. I switched school, I got my anger problem out the way, and started making a few friends, I still wasn't happy. But I could pull trough. When I got home I used to play World of Tanks with my brother. We we having a good time. Then a day I was scrolling through KZbin. I saw a video called "Tank Ramps" with a fun looking thumbnail. So I clicked on it, here I saw a person that was looking happy. I laughed so hard at that video I actually felt happy. So I went on the channel called "Honest Gaming" and I saw a playlist called "stream shenanigans" watched all of the videos in a couple of days, soon I was looking forward to every stream day, so I could watch you and have a great time. And forget all about the bad stuff that was happening. In short, you have made my life more fun. Now I am hoping that I one day will be like you. Making funny videos and helping people that are in a rough time. I cant find any other way than my words to help you, so here I have written why I love you, as a person and as a streamer, I hope you push through this and get as happy as when I first discovered you, but no matter what I will still watch you videos, and I will still watch your stream - your forever supporter DJ_tjekket

[@DotOmega]

Pull through! Giving up makes life worse than a failed vk train! There’s always a bright side that you’ll always reach! Just believe and do whatever you want to do, hear our roar for we are here to support you onward and onwards! We’ll always be by your side wallst, lots of love - WoT D

[@arslanumer2469]

Ups and downs comes in life but remember one thing brother if the good time doesn't stay forever nor does the bad time stay forever Never lose hope you have always been one of my fav person to watch when i was depressed and sad you are the one who mostly made me smile Just dont give up fight back fight back harder you have so much to live for you have still to make many people smile in life God bless you brother now tomorrow and always ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@faranth3870]

Man, I've been there. Still am. Depression is no joke, it's not fake, it's not abstract, it's real and tangible with real symptoms. It's so easy to read the comments talking about how funny you are, and dismiss them. I know because I've done it. Depression sucks, and there isn't an easy, one-fits-all answer to fixing it. Wallst, it's just a struggle. You've just gotta struggle through man. Talking is good even if it's difficult. And don't worry, I'll be right there struggling with you. You're amazing man.

[@IceFerret2]

I'm back Steve...miss me? I was planning me comment as I watched. You pretty much said everything I was going to say. I will say, perfection is a goal that can never be reached. How much better would the world be if everyone tried though. You don't have 9000+ subs because your content sucks. Far from it! You are a talent. What you do on a bad day is better than most do on a good day. Look at all the Hero's the world has had. What made them heros? They made a difference in other people lives. YOU do that with every video you post! YOU do that every time you stream! YOU just did it!

[@gregbelvin1854]

In the wondrous words of Winston Churchill himself, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” Steve, I understand your situation is different from others, but know that the courage you have shown to overcome these setbacks, and the courage to continue with this channel and your stream through the rough patches, is tremendous. It truly speaks to the kind of person you are, one of virtue, strength, and persistence. I hope this helps ❤️

[@claypigeon7571]

You my friend are a beautiful human being and have the BIGGEST balls to do this kind of video, I can not begin to understand what you feeling and my heart goes out to you.

[@iainansell5930]

Lost my mum, aged 58 , to a stroke december 2016, stepdad got me through it, provided great support and re-assurance.... I lost my stepfather at the end of may, in a car crash to a dangerous driver(who fled the scene)..so i'm struggling myself...not as far as yourself...... I've had a history where things have hit me hard and i've struggled massively with it...but I have found that talking, constantly talking to people about the issues helps...

[@stewy6270]

You are the strongest person I have ever had anything to do with wallst. You dont have to have big muscles, or lift cars with your bloody ears (Like what the fck how do you wake up in the morning and say "huh today im gonna lift a car with my ears") you just need to be able to do exactly what you're doing, believing in yourself through times like these. I am both overcome by sadness and curiosity during this, as im going through similar things right now, but the way you deal with it is amazing. Thankyou for giving us entertainment, during streams i can see it makes you enjoy yourself, and makes us enjoy watching it. Keep fighting :)

[@captainbear6188]

Steve, First off I want to say that we are here for you. I applaud you for having the courage to make this video and post it. Courage comes in many forms. You have taken the first step in getting better, you have brought the topic up to your family and friends and want help. being a perfectionist isn't a bad thing, but you cant let it drive you in all things. you must take it and make it you're B@$ch. Take those "imperfections" and use them as stepping stones to improve upon. You are incredibly talented. you make art. remember we are here if you want to talk. to finish I want to leave you with a few quotes from my Hero "Achievers are resolute in their goals and driven by determination. Discouragement is temporary, obstacles are overcome, and doubt is defeated, yielding to personal victory. You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals. Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory." Gen. George S Patton Jr. "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?" Gen. George S Patton Jr. "Often I have encountered in life that great disappointments have proved to be the road to future successes." Gen. George S Patton Jr.

[@KRAMPUS_G60_16V]

Fuck it Steve, my both parents died of cancer, and I live alone. I'm 32..... Keep on pushin' Steve!

[@Neilmacza]

So i been jobless for over a year now, my depression and anxiety got in my way of my work and has completely taken the wind out my sails as a person. Suicide has crossed my mind so many times, yet some how never came to be, i started playing WOT after having a 4 year break, watching streamers and youtube vids of tank players etc... then I came across your channel, and low and behold. I sat there in amazement as you opened my eyes that we can over come challenges and hurdles we face daily... Then I started watching your Twitch channel, and saying that you need to stream more! You inspire far more people than you may know at this point in your life, although this vid is old, you are rather needed in the people that enjoy your content. You sir are an inspiration to me and I am sure to many more as well... Stay strong dude

[@silentflyer5498]

Sitting here in tears, trying to give all love to you. Mental illness like depression is so unknown and/or misunderstood in large parts of todays society, where everyone must be 'driving' and 'have a high stress threshold' and other extrovert traits, and us who are not like that is not seen. Take care Steve, and I would urge you to try to find a way to talk to someone, like that helpline, any way you can adapt to cope with that, take help - you are soo important and loved.

[@DukeofDerp]

The fact you uploaded this video shows how strong of a person you are. I would never have the balls for something like that. Stay awesome. also Chickens are cool

[@davidmarkwort9711]

Hi Steve. The path you were on at that time is one that I went down not long ago. My depression started in 2008, it ended, rather abruptly in 2012/13, the Christmas-New Year period. I had been in the clinic at least 4 times, I don't remember anything, my last recollection was in 2009, I woke up in 2013. After finding that I had shredded all my letters and papers it came as no suprise to me that my harddrive was also empty, but after putting 7 back on and logging into FB I found out what I had almost done to myself. Pain can be caused in many ways, but mental pain really kills, it just drives you to the one thought, peace and quiet. I have since come back into the world of all those twits, idiots, crying, laughing, great food and good friends, and watching some idiots driving around in tanks. Keep up the good work, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, don't use mine, heh! heh!, my tshirt might shrink! Yours Dave

[@DominikKost]

I'm just some guy from Poland so I don't know if it matters to you at all, but your chanel and You yourself, made a a positive impact on my life, helping me get past more difficult days. Don't be so harsh on yourself, you should be worried when what you make seems perfect, as at that point you will stop improving your creations- don't let that stive for perfection bring you down. There's a large crowd of real people keeping their fingers crossed for You. Not your youtube acc, not some annonymous internet guy- You as a person, with all the burdens that you have to carry on your back. No matter how you see it, it took a lot of courage to share a confession like this, probably more than most of us have. Stay strong and stay afloat, hang in there, friend

[@frainebaxter6437]

Some people have bad days, others have bad weeks and others bad years, and the amazing thing about these under appreciated people is that they pull through, these people are the strongest people, with the help of others they can be stronger, just reading the other comments has shown the amazing support that others are willing to offer, communites like this and a brave person who can talk about these things, like yourself, are the reason this matter is much more understood then it used to be. Stay strong and keep making great content.

[@forestofspades]

Honestly, you are one of the best people on KZbin, I really enjoy your content, hands down. Reason for "obsession" about perfecting videos seems to be coming from the fact, that you care about the quality of your content. As to the streams, they are raw, live footage. Nobody expects you to talk all the time and be funny all the time. People watch you because you are who you are. I would much rather watch stream with fewer jokes, which are better, than plain attempts to make some kind of a joke all the time. You are not trying to be someone else, which I really appreciate, it makes watching your content more like interacting with human. About the suicide... I will be honest, I really have no idea how hard it must be since I never faced anything like it. But there always is a solution to problems somewhere. It may be hidden so well, that you cannot see it right away. You have to try to find it, you have great people around you which will surely help you and eventually you will find how to overcome the obstacles. Negative stuff always sticks in your mind easier, that is just the way our brains work. You have to remember, that you have a lot of great memories, you just have to dig them out and stomp the freaking bad stuff in the ground. It takes a lot of courage to upload video like this and it is great that you did it, because many people would not do it. I wish you all the best, stay strong, Steve! Dominik

[@breadboxproductions3806]

Steve, as far as content goes, just look at all the other crap on this site. All of these youtubers who spit out pure garbage, and they don't even think twice about it. They don't care. I have a lot of respect for you for going through so much to produce quality videos. In my opinion, your videos are some of the best on this site. We can see the passion and work you put in to them. And if you see a mistake, or something that just isn't right, that's okay. Everyone sees mistakes in their own pieces of work, but you can't dwell on it. Look at the few seconds of awkwardness or error, and then look at the minutes of quality. You make great videos man, and your fans love them. We look forward to your uploads, and are usually so caught up in the funny moments, the mistakes fly right over us. I'm just rambling at this point, but the point is, we love your videos, mistakes and all.

[@lolzoman5486]

Dont feel sad. You are my favourite creator on yt. I lerned a lot from your videos about world of tanks . I had so much fun waching shananigans . I hope that you will get up and enjoy who you are and keep going . And remember we are with you and we will always support you . I was at olmost every stream of yours (kubix1978). I hope that there will be some more. But the most important thing is that just dont be afraid that something will be wrong with your friend ship . everyone will support u and have fun with who you are . (BE BRAVE)

[@WOTArtyNoobs]

You are a talented guy and dare I say it, bi-polar. More and more people are recognising that they suffer from bi-polar disorder in that they can be incredibly productive, but suffer from occasional depressions, which Churchill called his "Black Dog Days". He carried on regardless, because he had the support of others who could keep him going when things were darkest. There is no simple answer to these swings of emotion and depression. When I feel depressed, I try to concentrate on other things to take my mind off my problems as they can be overwhelming if I sit and think about them. Your video shows a lot of maturity, that you were able to externalise your pressure. It would be a great help if you talked with a Psychiatrist or psychologist. They might have solutions to your extreme emotions. Go see your doctor and ask if there is someone you can talk to regularly. Someone who can understand the problems you are going through. That video took a lot of courage. If you can take the next step to speak with someone else, or even just to put your thoughts into videos, there might be a way of helping you to overcome your depression and keep it at bay.

[@FateOfMilo]

Steve we are here for you. I was diagnosed with Alopecia areata at the age of 5 and lost all my hair, through school it was really hard constantly being bullied, shunned and laughed at. I understand were your coming from life can be hard but you just gotta push through for your family, Friends and loved ones. We love you Steve

[@DevinHogate]

hey steve. ive got depression like you, and seeing this video left me in tears and left me with hope. hearing you talk about your struggle, your life, and your problems and put it out for everyone to see shows how strong a person you are. Id like to write more but anything else would just sound cliche and fake, but know that i am giving you all of my support!

[@reinbeers5322]

Steve, don't worry about what you should be, or shouldn't be. If you want our live comfort, you can stream, we DO NOT CARE if you just cry, if you laugh, if you get ROFL stomped, or ROFL stomp. We'll ALWAYS be here, supporting you in EVERYTHING. And we'll always give you our comfort and support. And I'm glad you had the balls to post this, I thought you were happy. But that doesn't matter right now. If you need to go away for a while, we'll be here now and forever. REMEMBER: we're here for YOU. We're here because you're OUR Steve, the one we know and love, like the KV-2. Doesn't matter if the result is good or bad, we LOVE you. And we'll NEVER be disappointed in you or your content. PLEASE pull through this. Do not let life fuck you sideways. And we'll LOVE whatever you put out for us, because we're here for YOU. Why do WE watch Jingles? We could probably get the same (or better) information from another source, from someone that isn't as crap. But we STILL watch Jingles, because of HIM. We still watch Jingles because he's the old sailor we all know and love. AND IT'S THE SAME WITH YOU!!! It's imperfect? WE DON'T CARE ABOUT PERFECTION, as long as you're having fun. And Steve... Say to life "LET'S GO!!! YOU CAN'T DO SHIT TO ME, DO YOUR WORST!!!" And thank you for the support and respect, it means a lot to me ;)

[@jigsawharlequin862]

Stevo, I've found you relatively recently while randomly looking for WoT videos. And I have never laughed so hard. AND I MEAN THAT. Familly asked if I'm ok... :) As a person who's shy, doesn't know how to deal with.... well, people, who's afraid of meeting new people, I feel you in my own way, as does my girlfriend, who has a phobic personality. And recently I had some hardships, failed collage and lost purpose for life. It was YOU that brought me back from my knees, with your wit, humour and... humanity. Your imperfections are the best things about you, they make you more relatable. Please, I BEG YOU, you must realize (or, if you already did, try to cram it into your mind) that EVERYONE is waiting for new content, for your oh-so-handsome face and charming character. WE LOVE US SOME WALLST! Noone is saying "oh, he could've done better"*. NO! It's fucking awesome! As for me... it's not particularly healthy, but your videos are what's making me go forward in life. It's like... a battery charging. Seriously. It's not insincere to act in a way you do on streams. It's a part of your character, a thing we all love and admire. It's your way of enjoying life more! :) Does anyone shuns a great actor for being "insincere"? I could go on and on with this confession, and there will always be something more to say, that's the thing. But the last thing I want to say is... THANK YOU. For all that you do. Nothing more, nothing less. Thou shalt not have other KZbinrs before 06wallst! All hail our Overlord! *Those imperfections are even smaller than Generall Tog's Penis™

[@rhak137]

True courage is rarely recognised. Having just found this video, I can say I have nothing but the utmost respect for you. Its not how we deal with the good times that defines us, but how we deal with pain, loss, suffering. It takes true strength to face these, and you have shown genuine, honest strength in posting this. I am currently going through one of the toughest times of my life and I find it heartening to see someone face their problems with such honesty. Your sincere offer to help others shows what a good person you are and nothing can take that away. Stand tall in the knowledge that your words here have helped another stay in the fight!

[@familystuff1667]

Steve, No use talking to us. Seek professional help as we can offer ideas which long term wont help you. Your fans appreciate your contribution. Set your goals applicable to your situation and not towards what people think of you. The most important thing is to remember is about how you, Steve feels, and not about how I can please a lot of people who don't know me or understand me. You have given many people great enjoyment At the end of the day if doing youtube is giving you grief PLEASE look at doing something that you enjoy and no longer feel pressure to please people. Hopefully you are able to find the best option and you are able to be yourself in the future. People who are close to you with an opinion matter, those not close are of no concern. Your efforts to all your videos are greatly appeciated by your subscribers. Mate, Please get professional help before you do something that you can not control. PLEASE SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.

[@AzureShadow88]

I agree, can't deny professional help can be quite a hurdle but I do believe it would be a good option for you. Good luck to you Steve whatever you choose to do.

[@allankay12]

Seeking help yes but talking to us is help too. He already admitted he doesn't like talking to strangers so him talking to us can be a very therapeutic experience for him. Everyone needs to be able to just vent. I watched this and my heart broke for him. I wish I could help him.

[@brianvifquain1383]

I am SOO glad this vid popped up in my feed, thank you. I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, basically molehills are mountains to me, and I'm an extreme introvert so nobody really sees how I'm feeling. I've been thinking about doing YT vids or streaming but have been unsure of myself... Until NOW. When I get my crap machine upgraded I'm going to give it a go. Thank you. ~Brian

[@nickainsworth5275]

Steve I really feel for you mate ! I recently stumbled over your channel about a week ago I think ! and saw this guy laughing and clowning around,playing on line with friends and having a right old laugh, you certainly made me laugh a lot ! So I left a comment to that effect! Thanks for the acknowledgment! Then I look a little deeper and saw one of your Counselling room vids , I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! You have my respect and my empathy, I guess you don’t want the sympathy ! Having suffered with a few short term bouts of depression over the years I can appreciate the turmoil you must go through, it’s crushing nature and emptiness of hope is so self destructive in a way that it’s hard to make others understand ! I also understand the insincerity aspect you were talking about, trying to convince yourself that what you do is worthwhile or not ! Let me tell you it’s totally worth it ! You entertain us and bring good into the lives of others even tho you might not feel that yourself! Also by taking the brave step of opening up in the most personal way it will inspire others to talk too and I would hope that can only be for the better! Good luck and keep pushing forward, We appreciate you !

[@sirthoakinshield2073]

I will say that your problems outweigh mine, but I still understand the pain your in, how miserable your feel. I know this because I found the lowest point in my life just last week, and I am myself surprised I didn’t commit suicide. But once you find yourself in that spot you can’t go any further down, you can only go up. I will also say one of the best things I did to pull myself out of it was to rant about my problems to my friends. But I will say that your channel has helped so much I and I wouldn’t know what I would do if it was gone. I will also say that your entire community will be here to support you the entire time.

[@sonlyme4445]

I find that mindfulness helps me calm down and stops my mind chattering in endless loops. It also helped me identify certain thought patterns that surprised me. Like my internal voice was so familiar to me that I found it hard to realise what it was saying to me. I won't say that sitting with these feelings was in any way easy, as it wasn't, but the more I allowed myself to meditate and focus on my breathing the more I allowed myself to see how my feelings affected me. I also learned that these things are feelings - deeply affecting yet intransigent. I was shocked to find I was judging myself constantly and living with a deep and permanent hidden feeling of failure or doom. Which to the outside world would seem ridiculous, but there it was. I still do it, but now I know I am doing it, and know it is part of my nonsense and so it doesn't get to me as much. We are all weird kids in the end. Being intelligent just makes that weirdness stand out, to ourselves and to others. Only you can plumb the depths of this sadness but it remains just a feeling, even if it can be an overwhelming one. The steps to self awareness and an odd contentment are difficult to take for all of us. You will do it dude. Love yourself. I wish you well mate.

[@girtskrumbergs]

The first step to resolve an issue, is to admit that the issue exists. I've been watching your content for more than 2 years, and seen you go through a lot. And I admire your strength, courage and your personality. I remember how upset you were when the news about e-dubble surfaced. You introduced me to his music, and I'm thankful for that. You got through that period of time. Go listen to some good old e-dubble and remember all the good memories... About your KZbin, my advice would be - lower your standards. You don't have to be a master editor and produce Hollywood like videos. I loved the old videos as much as the new one. Make a raw cut of stream shenanigans, throw in a couple of memes and upload it. It will be fine, noone will judge you. Other thing - take a break. Don't worry about streams, about youtube videos. Stop for a while, If you feel like it, edit something, but don't feel obligated to finish it or make it look like a Michael Bay budget movie scene. Branch out, WOT gets dull after a while. I haven't played a game in months, because I lost interest in that game, I got bored, and I feel like you're getting bored of it too. Look for another game that interests you, and I'm not talking about GTA or GMod. Murderous Pursuits is a game worth considering. I might be full of s*it and know nothing. And probably noone will read this, but I will say this at the end - Steven, we all love you for who you are, and we will not be mad if you slack a bit off, it's human nature, everyone at some point gets to this stage and the important part is not to give up, just keep on kicking.!

[@Lankygit01]

You are one of the bravest people I know for opening up like this Steve

[@TardisWho]

I think this why we have a lot in common as we both get though depression & Suicide thoughts also we both have been bullied at school, then we can both have a good giggle at absolute nothing and enjoy our self's though you know this. The thing that I always remember form my own counseling is do not worry about what you have no control over. Its you and my family that have kept me going as you have always bring joy to my life matter what your going though you know you have friends whom are with you going though it with you and together we can #fightdepression and win. You know my confidence has been shot to do one thing or another and I have you and other people to thank for getting ME out of my shell and for that all I can do is say thank you and Fight depression with you. Always about if you need.

[@Eagle-rv3iy]

Ive been binge watching your content for the past few weeks and it has been getting me through my own depression and thoughts. I know this video is a year old but i just wanted to say thank you for the laughs (other videos not this one in particular) and i hope you keep doing what you are doing. You are a natural born entertainer.

[@EL_PATITA]

I watch your video from France, and i just want to say you’re the funniest guy I’ve seen in wot, be courageaous dude, we’re here for u

[@calicojackrackham9233]

Wow. I just found this video. I'm new to the channel and have been surfing around some of the older content quite enjoying myself. Then I found this. I am just blown away at how strong and brave that you truly are. You are a genuinely decent person and I am beginning to like you quite a bit. I was finding it difficult to watch this video until I realized that watching was the LEAST that I could do. If you have the courage to record these very personal thoughts and feelings, I should have the decency to hear what you have to say. I, too, suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts on occasion. I agree with you that suicide is selfish and cowardly. That truth has brought me back from the edge more than once. To hear you validate my own thoughts on this matter was a bit of a healing moment for me. Thanks for posting this video, I appreciate it.

[@teamfieroline3400]

I share some of your sentiments about producing "the perfect" content. But in the end, if you can make people laugh, even if it isn't perfect, it's a damn good feeling. I appreciate your content. Found it because of the Jingles ELC video. It's quite hilarious. Keep it up, man. Some days don't feel as good as others for some strange reason, but it's worth it to push through.

[@defjestajlp9463]

I've never posted before because my illness stole my confidence & much more...but I had to tell you that you are not alone. Your words here sound all too familiar to my own thoughts. Please understand that we are here because of you & not the content. Whatever you decide to do...i am supporting that, no explanation required! Please take care Walst, the world is a better place with you in it!!

[@brett9675]

Hey Steve, its hard dealing with this kind of stuff, suffering from being bi-polar sucks a lot, but what really makes it bad, is the fact that trying to help others doesn't always work out, many, many times I tried to be there but somehow in someway, I'm the bad guy, it tortures you for a long time and it rips and tears at you but you don't know what you did wrong and why those who you tried to help feel you deserve this agony, so all I can say even though its months later is keep fighting, you can't give up but move forward and just focus on the good, not the bad. P. S. I just wanna say that your videos help me get through the bad and move to the good without the hell of anger and rage of depressed emotions.

[@musicduck4538]

I understand you man. I also struggle sometimes. If I see my face I'm also not always happy. But be who you are and do what you want or have to do. Do what you like to do. Don't think about what people think about you. Just be happy and continue. That has helped me a lot in my life. I feel a lot stronger now then a few years ago. And whatever you do, it's OK. You are a beautiful person. Not only who you are, but also how you are. We love you man.

[@mydearfrankly6055]

Bravo! Balls? Big, giant brass ones. I'm a 53yo woman in the States with a major chronic depressive disorder that went undiagnosed and untreated until my early 30s. The wistfulness I feel over what my life could have been, what I could have accomplished if only.... I'm now treated but struggle with the aftermath: the inability to connect and continuing if not debilitating symptoms. I wept when you mentioned your friends and that connection. I've been trying to find that my whole life. How else would an old woman find this video? I'm now playing WOT and WOTB, still trying new things, still trying to connect. One point with which I disagree. Depression lies and one of the best ones is that everyone would be better off without your sorry, sobbing ass around, that you shouldn't have been born at all. Depression is powerful, a disease that overcomes the survival instinct, a primal directive. Depression is insidious; the call comes from inside the house. I have been on the edge, in so much pain that I did jump. Cowardly? I'll take it. Only my ineptness saved me, and for that I'm very grateful, but the pain was very, very real and jumping *in that moment* felt like a merciful euthanization. I love watching your videos, watching you rant and be a cheeky bitch and most of all just be yourself. Your channel and your honesty is sometimes the best part of my day. I know we are more than a year after you posted, but please accept my joy to see you still creating and being the saucy minx you are.

[@davidfoster1277]

Dude you made wot fun again. You are a hell of a human and the world needs you and your off the wall humor/ as well as your legit insight into life.

[@XdarkninjaX77]

I’ve gone through a similar situation to you. In fact I’m still going through it right now. My life feels empty and I feel like nothing motivates me or makes me happy. But all I know is that this is only a phase in life. Try to find new things to do. Take a break if you need to. Just remember that sometimes you need to step back for a moment to recollect yourself. I don’t know if this helps you, but one of things that makes me feel better is knowing that I am helping others, or making others happy. Your content has helped me and so many other people through tough times, and I really hope that makes you feel a little better. I am also afraid of disappointment, either from myself or others. But disappointment will always exist. We must realize as people that disappointment will always be a factor, there will always be imperfections. Try looking at the great achievements you pulled off, Rather than the disappointments. I want to reiterate that the best thing to do at these times is to sit back and take a break. Your welfare is much more important than your KZbin and Twitch content. You will always have your family, friends, and us to support you. Pulling through these moments will make you stronger.

[@gregbelvin1854]

Just know that we all are here for you. Don’t think of us as strangers, we’re friends. We all want the best for you, and we all recognize that you feel the same way. It take serious guts to do this, but just know we’re all here for you. ❤️ I know you have a very different life from your streams, but the things you have achieved through all this is incredible. Keep it up, we all love ya!

[@fastloud2393]

Fuck ups are in our life to get better and stronger from them,ill talk from personal experience,my mother had cancer we fought it successfully,i lost a very good friend around 7 months ago and my gf broke with me exactly at the 6 month after he had died i cried cant deny that, I haven't had a serious relationship for like I don't even remember my social life ain't at its best yeah I'm being pointed at but all I do is replying with the middle finger,I though about suicide but all it does is passing your pain to another person as Kirkup said,fellas don't you ever give up no matter what happens.Hopefully I've motivated some of you to keep fighting. (Same old Nab Mark)

[@thatmannamedmaxiodus2530]

Oi I know how you feel, I've been going through phases depression and anxiety for a while and I do have autism. I know how you feel when you mean say you should be happy but you're missing something, I have the same feelings of worry when it comes to disappointing the people around me I constantly worry about whether or not I've done something wrong even if nothing's wrong in the first place. When it comes to your videos you don't need to worry about being perfect you just have to worry about being you, don't try to force yourself to be perfect. Listen, you and this channel have helped me out immeasurable with my depression, you helped me forget the worries and fears I have in real life. I may not be a wordsmith, nor a person of particular importance but I just want to say. Thank you.

[@andrewgirdwood2350]

Brave man. Your courage in sharing this with strangers is an inspiration. Anyway it's definitely not all your fault cos my brain knows that, in fact, it's all my fault! It's trite to say "hang in there", but I'm going to say it anyway. Hang in there Steve - the world desperately needs people like you. Best wishes.

[@giulioallegri1366]

Dude don't! I loved uor content since i discovered uor channel (Around 700 i think). You have always had this peculiar but awesome and funny touch to your videos. Having said this you need to fight this the same way you would fight a disease in the sense that you must DEMAND from yourself more and find ways to make your life feel more complete. Remember also that the family you have loves you and they would suffer greatly from something like this. I'm not saying this because I want to turn the knife in the wound but because you must fight this for yourself your parents and everyone that loves you. You are a very smart guy, your insecurities, autism and all that came and comes with it is also because you are more sensitive then others. I've fought for all my life with this type of problems and I will probably fight with my them for a lot more so I understand very well and you need to find more stuff to do. Everything you can put your hands on that you want to do. Don't let the emptyness take space. Maybe you should roll back a little bit on KZbin and focus on different things. This doesn't mean you should leave or something like that, just that it could be good to get involved in other stuff and get RESULTS in different stuff you like. I don't know if it can be useful but there is someone who can help in my opinion. His name is Jordan Peterson he's a clinical psychologist (he's not alt-right don't listen to what is being said about him. Make your own idea) and has some very strong opinions but he can be very helpful on the subject of depression, anxiety and suicide. Fight man.

[@dakshinaperera3061]

Out of all the wot KZbinrs I watch you made me laugh the most , you put so much effort into your content and made the day brighter to a lot of people , we your fans appreciate you for that and we will always support you , so don't give up ignore all the hate and distance your self from negative feelings and people who make you feel bad. Allways be content with your self and strive to be true to yourself because that is what all your fans appreciate about you.

[@Lumbermech]

Dude, just know that you're awesome, your content is awesome, that we all love watching your videos, and that we all are super appreciative of everything you've done in creating this community. I look forward to seeing many more, for years to come.

[@bluehairedgirlstudio]

Steve, It sounds like you're on a road that I travelled down a few years ago, and admittedly, may still be on. The road does get better. Even though they are still bumps and the occasional rut the I find myself stuck in but it gets better. And I can one thing with absolute certainty. You are braver than me. You have reached out and to us and told us honestly your problems. Me, I've been too scared to say anything to anybody but members of the NHS. You're stronger than you realise. Despite having stopped playing WoT for several months (for several reasons) and not intending to play again, I still watch your streams whenever I can and will often watch your video first above all others. Including videos from the mighty gnome overlord himself. Why? Cause like yourself I have autism and a similar taste in humour. And will continue to do so. You can always talk to me if you wish.

[@callumgriffin6723]

Known multiple people who suffer with depression and it is a horrible disease. I suppose it's important to realise that that is what it is though, a disease, a chemical imbalance or whatever, the fault doesn't lie with you as a person. I always wish I could offer useful advice in these situations and rarely can, but professional help can do wonders for certain people, same goes with medication. If it brings you some joy to know that you've improved the lives of other people then I'm just one of many others that can pitch in say that you have. Watching your content always brings be laughs and happiness, your humour has a kind of cleverness and charm that I've not been able to find anywhere else. (And if it brings you any comfort I've never left a video or stream thinking about imperfections. It is you who makes the content interesting and funny and the way you go about things is what makes me love your stuff) Things just wouldn't be right without your content. (Impending cliche) The world would be significantly worse without you. We need more people who, when at some of the lowest lows in their life, reach out to others to help them. You questioned whether your views were actually selfless, I think that, when even at such a low point, the fact that you put other people first suggests that this is who you are as a person. Genuine and selfless. I sincerely hope that you can find what is causing problems and work on it; be that in any way that works for you. It always rains hardest on those that deserve the sun. Stay sanguine. Sorry for the blab. Sorry if I left something out.

[@TheMadborn]

Thanks Steve for keeping it real, in these times of social media everyone pretends life is all fine and dandy ... well thats not real life. You my friend are a prime example of manlyness and realisme most people wouldn't have the guts to show it like you done .. please dont ever change (Togg II* Salesman) signin out

[@ivanjeremija9180]

My guess is; because you are so high and active when feeling good (you feel more good then normal) ,when you drop down your down is harder as well.Life is up and down ,like that sinusoide function in electricity.You simply have to endure the down side and get to the next up side.That has been my experience anyway.God speed Steve,you'll make it ,don't worry !

[@ChIGuY-town22_]

Just watched this....Im glad you are still making vids ...Im a new subscriber Steve, keep up the good fight, you have made me laugh when Im in a world of depression...thank you.

[@alexgraves3589]

Please don't give up!!! Now, Be Strong Man.

[@darthwallace2081]

Haven't been here in a while but: Steve youre a great guy. I'd hate it if you were gone. I hope you can pull through this Steve. 😣

[@jamesavery3559]

your are a young man, and i do know how you feel, when i was lost in the mountain's and starving i though of shooting myself {i was frozen half to death too}...but i kept fighting! don't you give up.

[@gammann5838]

Absolutely Wallst. Think about the people around you. That's what I believe matters.

[@kindreminder2789]

Man you are a special person. You have this comunity here and I think that this is something. People are so bad but look at the bright side always. If you can play wot better than so many players this sold say something to you. It is important to go for some help. I did it when I had a bad time in my life and it's work. So look always forward and take only what is good.

[@SpartanGaming-lo9en]

Keep on keeping on dude. You are a wonderful human being and I know that you are going to pull through because that's what you do. And is at any moment you fall we will catch you and carry you back up the climb of life. We will always be there for you mate.

[@philsbruno]

Hi Steve, you have balls. More than I could have. Not just because you of this video but because all of your content. There are so many people out the who are insecure about their peers opinions, that they would be scared to even unveil their voice online. I certainly would not have the balls to do so. When I found your channel I didn’t experience it and you as being the odd ones out. More like someone who’s train of thought and language made for unique and interesting content in combination with your creativity. You are a talented man and that’s something not everyone can say with certainty about themselves. The feeling of having no real talent can be quite a challenge, especially when thinking about ones future. You can pull through! But that’s all we can say from the internet so take professional help, please. As you said, you cannot please everybody on the internet. Maybe you could think about which people you want to please with your content? There are a lot of people turning on YT and twitch just because they enjoy your content. Like an ice cream van sells to the people coming to it. Not everyone likes ice cream (sorry for the stupid analogy, but it it’s the best i could come up with).

[@danielerwine283]

Brother you are one of the most amazing and funny guys on KZbin . You have so much talent and the genius to do what you do. We all love you and care about you please seek out the help you need depression is a serious thing and can not be overcome alone without help. You have friends in Jingles and Mark gfl talk to them they can help if by doing nothing but listening as a only a friend can. You never let us down you are to good of a person to give up. Your community loves you and cares about you we have your back . Take a break for awhile and get some help that you need. Talk to your family as well it will help. Praying for you to have your spirit lifted and be at peace.

[@DeValiere_]

I've been living with depression for most of my life, and it never gets any easier. It's the reason I was never able to fully support your streams and indeed why I even caught your streams in the first place when I was in a bad place and not sleeping for days on end. Sigh. I can say that anti depressants help make it more manageable and you really need to think about that - they're not a cure-all and they don't make the depression go away, but they help. No one who hasn't had depression will ever really inderstand that you can't just "get over it" or "think happy thoughts" - your brain is f--king with you in ways you just can't "get over" or reason away by thinking of reasons you should be happy. It doesn't work that way. I used to write screeds when I was on a manic upswing, and now... I can't write at all. I hate that fact, but I'm still here so... win. I completely know what it is to lose that passion you have for things you've loved for years, or decades... that's depression for you. It's painful to lose these passions, but sometimes we just can't win all the battles. What you do is pretty damn incredible, but if it the price for you getting to a CONSISTANTLY stable place is not streaming and not doing you tube, burn it all to the ground and take care of yourself. What I came to see over time is that we all have only so much strength in us and I KNOW that at some point that strength runs out - and when it does... you get this. And if you're lucky, you'lll fight through and climb up out of it for a while... until the next time. I don't want to harp on this, but medication helps with this too - you only have so much strength to give. You can't just keep on suffering through this kind of episode - it takes it's toll over time. I know damn well it does. Regarding your suicidal thoughts, you just keep thinking about what it would do to your parents, your brother... it's a vital tool and one that worked for me. Sadly not everyone can do that. Where I live, the media isn't even allowed to use the "S" word when they report deaths. It's society's dirty little secret. Ultimately, YOU NEED TO SEEK HELP FOR THIS. It's not a sign of weakness, it's nothing more or less than the only way you can get out of this place your in. You won't understand maybe until you get that help, but when you do get it, then you'll have the space to get some perspective. But you really, really need to seek treatment for this mate and please, please don't ever think that this is some kind of failing or fault of yours. I hate hearing you say all this because none of it's unfamiliar, but your lucky that you can at least see this in yourself - I didn't realise what the hell was wrong for a very long time and the price for that was too damn high. Final thought: While the old saying :"what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" seems to be applicable here, it is not. Suffering through these bouts of deep depression over and over again and surving them isn't making you stronger. I know, because I went through this for many years before my GP got me sorted out (well, started getting me sorted out). I know that sweet, sweet period afterwards when you climb up on the manic high that follows makes you think "I got this all under control" - but there's always going to be a next time, or at least there was for me. You need to talk to your GP about this, and get some help - there is absolutely no shame in that and it is vital that you do so. I still feel like a fool for not having realised how bad things were with me for so very long but what's done is done. You - we - need to make sure the future is better. As a fellow athiest, I can't say my prayers are with you, but my thoughts are. You're a better man than I Gungadin. Kia Kaha mate.

[@romainnegre]

I totally agree here. Its pretty much what i experienced (see my comment). Only thing i want to warn you is toward medication. For some it helps. For me it made it worse. So its all up to you. But if you try and feel worse, just stop and don t get back to it as it is not a cure! Just a tool. Cheers mate

[@DeValiere_]

The problen with meds and depression as I understand it is that it's all about chemicals - the ones in your brain and the ones in the meds. And that's where it can get very messy and why it's not a one size fits all magic bullet. And while I didn't want to make matters worse by saying this, there are down sides to taking meds for depression - but for me they keep me safe and make me more stable - they haven't made the big D go away, just made it more manageabale. It is most certainly not a cure to be sure. And to be very clear - if you do decide to go on medication and find there are issues - don't just stop taking them without consulting whoever prescribed them - that would be a very bad idea. I know because I've been there, done that. Trust me, that tempation to go off your meds because you'll feel "normal" again... it's always there, but in my case, it never works out. That's the problem with anti-depressants - they can help with your depression but can make you feel "fuzzy" or just not like yourself in some way. But, that's why you work with you doctor to either find one that works, or try other treatments that are sustainable and work.

[@TheMadborn]

today bin a rough rough day , I just wanted you to know .. in times like these my friend you are an inspiration to me. perhaps and most likely that wasn't your intention with this download, yet you are

[@HonestGamingLife]

Thanks very much for saying so bud. I upload videos of these sort as a kind of diary, to see how far I’ve come, and to share and help people understand mental illness, etc. I’m glad it helped :)

[@paulrigby4475]

wow, kno I am late to the party, so to speak, but I hope you can see all these ppl care enough to offer you advice because they value you as a person, even tho they aint met you! Thats amazing, I know that it is hard to care enough about yourself when depression is bad, but, i hope you can take solace that others care about your health, I like you as the funny guy from youtube and i guess i would like you as a neighbor, an acquaintance or a friend. Ppl care I hope that can give you strength. Get well soon Steve.

[@thatchris1626]

It takes some level of stregth and courage to do what you have done with what you have. I don't know many people who can manage to be an entertainer to the legths you are, and you have left your mark. I dont think i know a personality or dedication to his work. From what ive seen, i can't be a proffesional in saying any of this: but try create things that you want to make, i know what sounds shallow in idea but trying to keep to what your standards are, it will get hard. One of the biggest things per anything people make is that you, yourself, are your biggest critic and finding whatever method you can to deal with than inner critic changes in a case by case basis. I can stake a claim to know the exact method of fixing your issue as what my personal experince reguarding this field is nowhere near the legths you are taking on. Trying to maybe more relaxed in your creation, i know this sounds arrogant but it's similar to drawing/ illustration: you could spend several weeks perfecting a painting weraing yourself out, but one of the most important thing is sketching, doing fast smaller less grand paintings, it's not going to be nearly as good as one large painting but it helps break down the barriers of slowing the creator down. Giving yourself other outputs or methods of output that can vary from what you are creating gives you variety, and variety is the spice of life. Of course this is entirly based on my personal experiances, so any misunderstandings i mean no harm. One thing i know is that your brain/mind is the biggest threat to human kind, and i give you the up most support in hopes that you'll find your footing again.

[@kimjohansen5226]

Thank you for being so honest and real . - and i love your content on youtube I Think you are one of the funniest guys , and i really hope you are better , i See Its an old clip , keep going strong 👍regards from Denmark

[@thomaszynda]

seasons of life.. faith and family with a dash of a few good friends.

[@davy333]

Try to stay strong my friend. You are one of the best.

[@duvarenstarwind3695]

Buck up and work through it. Persevere and heal yourself. Take one day at a time. I have been there, and when you are in emotional pain it's hard to focus on anything but the pain. But it does get better if you are stubborn enough not to give up. Take care.

[@Arrythmic798]

I'm watching this a little late, after a year it has been posted. Not through watching the whole video yet, but wanted to comment in between the thoughts I had. I hope you are doing better now. About that need to please everyone and that everything must be perfect... Think it this way:if your content is not perfect, what's the worst thing that could happen and who suffers from it? I assume many of your followers are like me, watching a lot of content between doing things, like along gaming, commuting, waiting for something etc... Point being, we are busy often and if there's some imperfections, we either don't notice or don't even remember them after 5 minutes. We don't watch you to criticise you, we watch you because we love you and your content. Don't forget the big picture. It's important to look at the details, but don't get stuck to them. People don't remember details, they remember the overall impression. This might be different to your approach because of autism, but remember that majority of the people, majority of your audience is not autistic. We tend to think that the way we see things is how others see them too, but that is not true. Because of autism you see things differently than anyone else, and what you see as huge problem most likely will go completely unnoticed by everyone else. I would guess most content creators look at things under a looking class, but I think you use a microscope. Don't forget, we love you, and that love gives room for mistakes. Microscope is an overkill, you wouldn't be hitting a fly with a sledgehammer either, would you?

[@Arrythmic798]

And I want to add a bit more after finishing the video... Give yourself the permission to love yourself. Embrace that who you are. Sure, there are negative things in us that should be worked on always, but remember that some things are the core of your nature. Don't try to rearrange your DNA. You said that you used to be a christian, I am a christian myself, and what I understand from your characteristics, you would know well the religion that you once felt was home. This is a topic I would love to have a chat about. I was once at the point of about to lose my faith, but something brought me back. And the sheer emptiness on the other side, if there's no God, nothing matters anymore in the end. It is impossible for us to know for certain, to have a proof about existence of God or afterlife, but the emptiness of life without it is logically thinking reason enough to have faith. Anyway, the thing that brought me back in faith is that I started praying again, it brought back the personal relationship with God that I used to have earlier. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Regardless, embrace yourself and who you were designed to be. Love yourself like you love others. Whether you see it or not, your life, your work and your content has a purpose. I can see a glimpse of it, and I can see how you have been molded. But I'm left wondering, what was it that caused you to give up faith? I have never laughed as hard as I have while watching your videos. The Elc won that rap battle, btw...

[@squishbear7868]

It can only get better from here wallst!

[@XORISHE]

Steve mate, Thank you for your very candid video. First things first. Do not take any decision about you or your life until you are fit to do so. What do I mean about this? 1. Endocrine. Are you seeing an endocrinologist? Your hormones deeply affect how you reason and your how your moods work. You need to know that yours are in balance before you do anything. 2. Vitamins and minerals. Are you getting your blood checked? Many western folk have deficiancies in something or another and too many have a lack of the very important vitamin D. Again, you can't make an informed decision on yourself without knowing that your body is in A1 condition. 3. Eat right. Even if you don't like it, cut all the shit and eat natural things, be it meat, vegetables or whatever. There is growing reason to believe that the slew of processed crap we put into ourselves makes us A) susceptible to disease B) lacking in brain clarity C) exacerbates underlying causes of many metabolic problems like type 2 diabetes, alzheimers, auto immune disease like arthritis. See this : etc www.ruled.me/autism-ketogenic-diet/ 4. There is no four (well, there is, but he's a character in the film, divergent). If you can check all of the above (for several months), you are probably in an ok state to judge your own moods and feelings. Second things second. I don't know how much courage it took to do this, but I congratulate you on doing so. It seemed like a lot. I don't know you personally, and you don't know me but I feel a certain amount of pain and remorse when I see someone, who I enjoy stream, show their suffering. Please don't give up or give in - there are so many good things you bring to the table. Your streams are hilarious, but don't let that think this defines you. Down this road leads to the perfectionist trap you have caught yourself in. People watch you for you. Don't think you have to live up to this unexplained bar of excellence that you have tied yourself to, you don't. Just be you. Third things third. When I think about not being able to kiss my loverly daughter and 2 sons goodnight, I shit myself. When I think about not being able to eat that perfectly pan seared salmon with broccoli, I shit myself. When I think of not being able to listen to Bohemian Rhapsody, I shit myself. When I think of not being able to drink that ice cold bottled beer under a steaming hot shower after a hard days work, I shit myself. And the same thing for not being able to read Lord of the Rings for the umpth-teenth time or watching Where eagles dare or playing that amazing game of chess with my son or lying on a beach on a warm day, listening to the waves There are so many things I worry about not being able to do. I hope you share this sentiment. Fourth things fourth. Ditch that phone, it's shit. Sincere regards, Me.

[@pauldavis1795]

Hang in there don't give up there are people that love you

[@dfresh1283]

Hey I've been contemplating shit like that for about 4 years my mom died when I was 10 and my dad just died 2 months ago and don't do it one of the main reasons I didn't do it was KZbin and watching great content like yours and you have all of our support don't do anything stupid please

[@jeffbullock1173]

Everyone is a stranger until you talk to them.

[@chrisadkins6830]

You found what you want to do. What gives you joy. You have a desire and love of helping people. You felt joy in this video when you were talking about being able to help people where you are. Continue to do that. You can be the guy at the cliff that is able to stop others from going to far. That alone is heroic. As for creating content, stop doing it out of obligation. Dont feel like creating? Dont. We are your viewers, your faceless friends, we are here for you. Only create when you WANT to. If you go months without a video, we wont be mad because the wait will make the next video that much better. I enjoy your streams because it is like a group of guys getting together drinking beer and playing games. The best parts are unscripted moments of insanity. My friends want to make a similar channel, except I may be too crude... Stay honest and sincere with yourself, and keep gaming. You can still make your scripts, you can still create. But remember to relax and have fun. Try to be flexible enough to say "The script can wait, there is too much fun going on at the moment." We will enjoy those videos too. Also, I have never been bored in any of your videos at any point or saw any room for improvement.

[@laurentiuanton4806]

Remember the fact that is probably in Heaven dosent have pizza. Thats my reason to live.

[@IB2FAT4U]

If there is no pizza 🍕 its not haven, you are in hell😈🔥👿🔥😈...well mine anyway. Your comment gave me such chills that even though it has been 2 years a reply was needed 🍕😃.

[@laurentiuanton4806]

@@IB2FAT4U tbh i cant even remember saying this, but still holds true.

[@lundkjaer]

Chin up Steve... There is light at the other end of the tunnel! Depression SUX - I know - I have been there I have been there where everything seems pointless and bad! But Pull through dude - Life can become beautiful again!

[@brianschultenover9043]

Thank you.

[@MCallsen]

You, Sir, are amazing ♥

[@Fr33Zone]

Bro, I don`t know what is worst, expectation of others or expectation of our self. but true time I came to conclusion that expectation we put to ourself is much worse coz at the end it is our opinion of our self is what matter. I use to do talk shows on FM radio and I was very good. but everytime I host it with people expectations on my mind I didnt feel good and didnt felt like good show no matter how people react on it. I felt pressured to be positive, to say smart things, new things, to have newest music with backgraund srories and it is BS. The only good way was to be as I am. to speak from my heart, mind and soul, not to mind what others might think, or if I would heart someones feelings. If I`m sad I did sad show, if I`m mad, I`ll do mad show. It is the only way to feel good with yoursef. It is good to think about quality of our work, but it will never be perfect and always will be some ppls who will find something is wrong. screw that my friend. it is inside that counts. there is no heaven or hell, but there is whole universe that needs our positive and constructive energy. and one more thing. everything we do loses satisfaction if we turn it in "must do" it is much pleasurable while we do thing bcz we want to do it, not bcz we have to do it. so forget on schedule do things when you feel like it, not when its written on some twitch wall. I was prosecuted by the state as public enemy, I was forbiden to work at radio stations as editor or as host, left with very small number of people by my side (small country and you get isolated very easy). sry for my bad written english, I`m just a Balkan boy, gone thru all sorts of wars and tragedy and I`m still standing. the best way to go is to concentrate on love of people that are near us, and to know that there is lots of good ppl on this world. it is good to learn to love our emotions even when they hurts. p.s. if you have ppl with bad vibes in your surrounding, make them go away. no matter what they say how much they love you or respect you, they are bad for you. just get them out of your life and you dont need to explain anything to anybody. Love you man and I hope you will find strainght to push furder in life. Ljubi te brat. :)

[@electric26]

I agree with everything you said, and I very rarely agree with comments completely. Well said, even if your written English isn’t perfect.

[@Fr33Zone]

thank you. support is always welcome. :) no matter how strong or good we feel atm.

[@msimpson54]

Been struggling with depression a lot recently as well mate, cause the lack of content on my front :( you know I'm always on discord if you need a chat

[@alanbeal812]

We're all here for you. FOR you. Not JUDGING you. We're all here because we have a good time watching you have fun. You're the only one who can make yourself happy, no one can force you to be happy, only you. My advise always sounds crazy because it's contradictory, but it's worked: To make other people happy, quit caring about how they feel. Think about it. Hell, watch the video you just put up. You are slamming your emotions over and over again into trying to make us happy, and then beating yourself up for not even trying. The obstacle you keep hitting is that you care about us. It's an obstacle you out there for yourself. It's not a brick wall, it's just a roadrunner cardboard cut out of a wall, you can just slide it off to the side. As soon as you stop caring about if you can make other happy, stop torturing yourself about our feelings, you can just go out and do whatever you want, and we'll be happy. And then you'll be happy. And that sounds crazy, but it's true. Quit caring about our feelings, and we'll be happy.

[@poeticstyles994]

never worth it, life is hard, but it is always worth living!

[@mikes4865]

I can't help you like those at the number on your phone. Please call. Just from reading and seeing those you have had a positive impact on is so great. Please do what you need to, to enable helping yourself.

[@deadendfriends1975]

Tough times don't last, tough people do.

[@BANGAverageTanker]

You need to take a break from "content creation". Your true friends will still be there for you if your streaming or doing videos. Enjoy playing games with them. All of us will still be here if or when you come back. But do NOT let it rule your life.. Your letting "content creation" rule (and ruin your) life. Always here to support you - slimez40k

[@niklasNILAlindgren]

i feel like i have to type something.. I've been in the same possession, sort of... My ex took my 1,5 year old daughter and left, while i was at work. And all of what you speak of from feelings to thoughts i´ve had. So, i just want to say, Get well! And after you ranting about how you react, fell and so on, im considering testing myself (if that's how it works) for autism. all you talk about fits perfectly on me. Not that extreme though, but not far from. Thanks for shearing! Love (not hugs and kisses) Niklas

[@colbyweaver8790]

we all love you wallst

[@daveeveryteen6688]

Steve, From this anonymous account you don’t know who I am but I remember you. Some time back you gifted me a small act of kindness. Maybe if you think hard you may be able to guess who I am. Have a think about who I might be. Remember not to over rationalise things. Depression brings its full force from our emotions not our logical mind. Sometimes smart people get caught up in the broken logic of it all missing the simple emotive route of the brain fog. I think everyone suffers from depression to some level but so few talk about it so thanks for opening up. On others expectations. Remember you are imagining their expectations. They are not existing to the level you are imagining them. But there I go rationalising an emotion eh! Maybe you had a thought about who I might be and you might have picked a couple of names. The odd thing is that you probably have not even got down low enough on the list to find me. Now look back and think of all those names you remembered. Now think of all those people you can’t even remember you have touched in some way. We are all out there you just don’t feel it. From my perspective you are a tough fucker and your journey is not over my bro. It’s the darkness that makes the contrast, gives us the pleasure of the light. Next time you are happy try to look back and remember when you were low. Remember things change. Signed, Your forgotten benefactors P.s. “Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' 'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

[@travislarsen6086]

Steve, you are so funny and inventive! Art is so hard to share with the world because it is such a huge investment of yourself. A piece of you in everything. The world, the media, the trolls will seek to tear you apart. Depression is real. Not to be overlooked. So many people, including myself, struggle with it. Take a break. Shut it down for a bit and get some help. If you need to move on from the channel it is ok. Don't feel trapped. You are amazing! So many of us can't do what you do. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do not let the depression win. Cut the media out. The news is evil. I had to limit myself because I can't deal with it. Again you are amazing. Please get help so you can live and love and appreciate life again. We love you!

[@TheSilversurfer12345]

Keep your chin up mate you are to good at world off tanks stay strong school in the past look to the future with your Chanel you will do well

[@MrVastaranta]

In my opinion you've surpassed the quality required for entertaining youtube videos. Ease off a bit if you want, and i still wouldn't be disappointed. I know the self judging, perfection seeking artist. I used to do that 5 years ago with photographs. There always were something that caught my eye, Even though people told that it was perfect. All i saw were the small mistakes in my creation... But that's only in my head. It's a long process to learn to love your own artwork. For me, it was just going a bit more old school. Not doing it all with DSLR, editing much less. Letting the picture talk for itself, without editing the naturality from it.

[@FIBERTAG07]

I can only share from my experience and that is when I feel like this I am trapped in my own reality being told lies by my own mind that are simply not true. I have found talking to another person to be the solution. I know the phone feels like it weighs 10,000 lbs but please pick it up and talk to another person. Talking to another person helps to get me out of my fake reality and back to the real world outside the prison of my own mind. I will keep you in my prayers.

[@NateFarmsWoT]

We all love you.

[@chisel_head2001]

Hey Steven, we can't offer you much in the way of help other than our own experiences, please take some advise from someone who has traveled down the same dark road that you are walking down and please please please seek out professional help. I wish you only the very best in dealing with depression. Love ya man!!!

[@KB9813]

Struggling with my Asbugers, anxiety, and depression too. What's odd though I help myself feel better by working on firearms and target shooting. Gun and depression do not mix generally, but, for me, it's my medicine for lack of a better word.