Destroy the Narcissist in Court: Divorce, Custody, and Aftermath

How to Divorce a Narcissist or a Psychopath - click on the links (they apply to all types of relationships with narcissistic or psychopathic abusers of both genders):
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[@dennelllancaster3047]

What I can not comprehend is why, if our society is awake, only a portion of the attorneys, counselors, social workers, clinical psychologists, and judges are awake. Why do narcissists have the ability to wreak havoc in the justice systems? The non-narcissistic parent should be awarded custody of the child because he or she has already undergone stress, psychological abuse, and emotional and mental abuse at the hands of the narcissist. Enough is sufficient. What a narcissist does to an individual's life ought to be a crime.

[@winnwinn323]

My God! You hit right on the head. It unbelievable what they do!

[@tonettewilkes13]

💯

[@Vfrets]

You are correct It should be a crime. Narcs commit crimes. They kill the.victims soul and mind

[@user-pt1dy2wb6h]

because the system itself is narcicistic

[@user-mv4mc5xm6h]

I agree with you! I've been trying to put what I've been seeing into words.

[@saw727]

i didn't want to destroy him, but he has always wanted to destroy me.

[@PaulineWyatt-wn1so]

yes, I was told he was going to ruin my life, when i said i want a divorce. i am now going through a horrendous divorce, he as taken everything and everyone from me. also his malicious behaviour and actions has resulted in me having a minor unjustified criminal record. i have not been able to have a voice to defend myself. my husband as had all control throughout my long marriage and now going through divorce' sam is brilliant and i am going to take all sams advise to court.

[@MsEm-xr8ns]

I did this with the assistance of a brilliant barrister. It took 3 years & took a huge emotional toll on my children, my family and myself. My ex dragged us all through every perceived transgression , every piece of dirty laundry was aired, real or fabricated. He lied incessantly , delayed court hearings due to feigned illnesses, had his new supply testify against me , It was horrific and not once was the word Narcissist every mentioned. This was 1997-2000. Divorcing a Narcissist put me off the concept of marriage for life.

[@MsEm-xr8ns]

@@gwennielloyd6179 I’m so sorry you can relate , its hell on earth divorcing a narcissist though I had no idea that’s what I was dealing with at the time . I hope you have healed or are healing from the experience 🤍

[@hiaslayer]

Hi, I am going through the same thing at the moment but it has only been a year so far. You had one great benefit though, you are a woman. I am fighting a female narcissist. The elephant in the court room is very present. My legal team ensured contact for me and my son but the big decisions so far were in favour of the mother based on one simple fact. She was the primary carer. She lied, deceived, used her flying monkeys against me etc etc. although all that needed doing was stating that she is the mother and the primary carer.

[@MsEm-xr8ns]

@@hiaslayer I’m so sorry you are going through this , the legal systems awareness / recognition of Narcissism is woeful . I understand the frustration & pain of divorcing a Narcissist.

[@yesplease538]

Read the work of Craig Childress

[@robynedward125]

M I can relate hugs I'm going to trial against him I have proof I'm not mentioning he's a narcissist I know what he is tho. They are truly toxic ppl so I should expect him to bring the new supply if she's still around by then court is a long waiting list pandemic unfortunately. Thsnks for the advice I'm undecided about marriage if I meet someone and were getting to know eachother and were a good pair and want the same things I won't say no ,but I will take my time I don't want another divorce. Hugs to all the other survivors of narcissist abuse 💜💪

[@Fusco77]

I did this all on my own without legal counsel or representation. I left him sitting there in disbelief on my way out as I won again! His final words to the judge and I were “she still loves me and she’s never respected me”. The judge and I looked at each other thinking what a crazy person. Then I walked out saying thank you to the Judge. I’ve told him time and time again he will never ever take me down and he does not seem to believe me. I’m empowered and he’s now going bat shot crazy around our town. Feel sorry for him tbh

[@UmarKhan-jm2pp]

Kind of like when my dad who sued our family said in court he is proud of us. Yeah when your in court it’s clear we are not freinds. He even told the judge to allow him to speak to the court like a friend lol

[@jamesellis8313]

I think you may already know, he said “I still love you and I have never respected you“. Great work!

[@joannewatt8560]

What is this idea of disprespect? Mine used to pull that out of nowhere and accuse me. I was always respectful. Yet, HE was very disrespectful to me, verbally and emotionally and behaviorally too. Do they all sing fro the same songbook?

[@genevieveyhap-zebro952]

We need to speak. How can this happen.

[@lululivingstone9295]

Undermine, minimize, criticize, contradict, disagree … these things are all very familiar as this is EXACTLY what my spouse does to me every day. Sam is teaching us how to hit where it hurts and beat them at their own game!

[@Duchyp]

This is fantastic, at first I was a bit turned off by the word destroy because deep down I don't want to destroy anyone, I just want to be free. I just want my life back and to be a good mother to my son with feeling like I'm a captive audience in my own home.

[@kathleensueoka3599]

Captive audien

[@Thydarkone666]

yes i want to be free of this horrible monsters.

[@pammugridge4106]

But that's exactly what a narcissist does to his victims

[@Fusco77]

I agree in court I told the judge I don’t want to be coercively controlled, abused and stripped of my self worth anymore and I no longer want to be coparenting with a terrorist. Judge granted my order of escape and now I’m living a free life without abuse.

[@romans12two419]

I kept wondering what to do - how do I proceed with removing this venomous alien creature from my life (who knows nothing of love)? Then I found this video and you have given me hope. Thank you; I will prepare, prepare, prepare. It is the wise thing to do.

[@peacheshill1950]

Am in the same position filling for a divorce

[@donnawalker5167]

I am out now 2 years and 4 months. No contact saved my life. 3 judges upheld my ex would see our daughter for 4 hours a week only if she wants to see him. My ex did everything that that has been talked about here. My ex was fired by his attorney thus he represented himself. He made a fool out of himself at every turn. I can not explain how fearful I was going through the process of divorce. I ignored how I felt and kept moving forward. I continue to go to counseling. I now have two state certifications in my area of work and I am am studying to get my 3rd state license. Today my daughter and I live in peace and are having so much fun! There is hope.

[@superduper8315]

Stay logical, put your emotional away. Prepare the facts ready on paper. Stay focused. Prioritise your safety, avoid flying monkeys at all costs, do not engage with new people who try to contact you. You will be fine. Stay safe warrior xx

[@alnutsa31]

You have described it correct alien creature ! But I call it by it’s name devil in the human form without horns! God Please help us all to remove this demon from our life . Please please God remove this demon .

[@taneyat6_33]

🤣

[@shbs-ec8ij]

my marriage is all of this. Disturbing. Terrifyingly accurate. To hear is one thing, to LIVE it is quite another.

[@wiser1254]

Accomplished this exactly. Fortunately, I had a fantastic attorney who recognized this personality dynamic. My ex went through two attorneys who ended up refusing to represent him after we exposed him in court on two occasions-one for the actual divorce, and the second when we brought him back to court on a contempt case. He kept insisting that his version of falsities was undeniably the truth! He has not bothered me since!

[@avathemis9878]

I cannot get away. Every time I save up any money I am forced to spend it defending myself in court. He lies far better than I tell the truth.

[@trishamorris5097]

Boom! I experienced and continue to experience the same with my covert nex during our marriage, and after our divorce while we still have other pending matters to settle. I knew he lied at times when we were married, but it wasn't until we got closer to separating and God started to reveal the dirt he had/has been doing in the dark, was I able to see he's clearly a pathological liar.

[@zenlenzmedia]

I know this scenario all too well which is why I didn't take him back to court. He doesn't do the 50/50, he is inconsistent with child support, and he isn't covering the insurance that he was court order to. He hasn't paid taxes in years, He works under the table, and he is the biggest Con artist! His lies make me crazy. For the past 8 years I have literally used silence to deal with him. I just don't give him the time of day. When I do, he starts with his charade again. 8 years later, he won't stop. These narcissists won't give up! If you give them a foot hold they will invade your life with their toxic insanity! Just move on and get your life on track. And pay attention to who you choose to date in the future! Because narcissism is a trend in 2023!

[@freewoman]

This is soooo true! He has such a silver tongue compared to me, people believe him! It's amazing!

[@nobodynothing-7926]

I am finally ready. I finally understand. I'm taking him down. And now, he will be fearful, of me. After all these years, I get it. Thank you Sam. You have helped me thru this journey immensely. The perspective you have is unique and unlike any other information out there on this topic. Truly fantastic work. Thank you.

[@lisakeppel7054]

Drive the narcissist to distraction…..tell me more. Distraction really works on them. It’s a blind spot

[@newlife2288]

It is apparent that you did not waste anything. The message was meant to be posted here. Great 👍 👌 👍 👌 info. Great!

[@hollyweir2958]

My narcissist already destroyed himself luckily. Unfortunately he believes he will have the upper hand via intimidation. But, his violence, controlling, abusive behaviours, rape etc. Will be shown. And I will not be intimidated.

[@sarahservant8602]

Hello Rape?? I believe this happened to me too…more than once….😢 sorry for you….how are you faring on your case??

[@hcallahan7134]

Wow. Rarely do I come across a video like this. Sam is right, down to the finest grain of sand. He describes an approach that I followed throughout my lengthy divorce process, and afterward, when the children became my ex-wife’s pawns. The message is: know your enemy, and do not yield one yard of territory. But be careful in court, especially if you’re male, because you’re at an automatic disadvantage.

[@HidNTrackz]

Were you able to get shared custody?

[@hcallahan7134]

@@HidNTrackz Still working on it. Getting close.

[@HidNTrackz]

@@hcallahan7134 keep going, you got this. 💪🏾 I got shared custody but my ex Narc has been fighting for 2 years to reduce my custody and dragging out the divorce. 🤦🏾‍♂️

[@maddycanfly7217]

@@HidNTrackz my X narc husband didn’t want any custody or to pay child support. That is just as harmful for the child as going for custody just to make things difficult 😢

[@brentmurray4083]

@@maddycanfly7217 im up against a mother and daughter both narcs. My poor son is with them

[@consciousequus]

GREAT strategies to create leverage needed, by just bluntly telling the truth.. " trust no one , & take no prisoners ", when it comes to dealing with a narcissistic

[@floragriffin7271]

After a few months I was told by my barrister (who had initially been very confident about getting a good outcome), 'the court doesn't have a mechanism for dealing with people like your ex-husband'.

[@agiejones7651]

@Flora Griffin Devastating! How long ago?🙌🙏

[@rmoran2375]

I had to represent my self ,and I won

[@iasiaboone8544]

@@rmoran2375 How did that go? I need all of the advice I can get! I’m honestly thinking about representing myself

[@justamama5167]

@I'Asia Boone watch videos on KZbin on the channel called: The Proper Person. Alex, who represented himself in court succeeded in taking the parental right away from the narcissistic, abusive ex. He gives a lot of great advice in his videos.

[@ExposedBen]

I just want to see and spend time with my daughter 😢

[@wcbibb]

The imago is the false self projected by the narcissist. Attacking the false image in court creates extreme discomfort for the narcissist.

[@letthemjustletthem]

Hi Sam This was my second relationship with a narcissist, and I felt like I was the exception. Initially, he was affectionate and present at home, but his behavior turned cruel towards innocent strangers. When I confronted him, he would apologize and seemed to treat others better. However, everything changed when he disregarded my request not to drink alcohol when driving my daughter. He allowed her father to drink at a red carpet event, and both got intoxicated. When I confronted him, he became violent, throwing me onto my daughter's bed and strangling me. I did not have the courage to call the police because I knew there would be no marks on my neck. Then, a couple of years later, he beat me repeatedly in the head, giving me contusions and a concussion. In April last year, he beat me up. He told me that if I went to the authorities, I'd be signing my own death warrant. Now he wants to come home. I am in one-on-one counseling and group therapy for domestic violence, but a part of me still wants him back. I hate this.

[@cosmicbodyguards4285]

I have an Aces score: 10/10. I guess that makes me a 10 Aces kid! I am divorced & im almost 30 years old. I hadn’t considered my actual divorce being a traumatic life event but you are so correct, it was really troubling & its been very difficult to recover from on every level - It’s been a few years. Self education has been invaluable with channels like these.

[@HidNTrackz]

I hope you feel better. I’m been in court almost 2 years now. The lawyers are getting rich while our children are suffering. Good luck with healing.

[@cosmicbodyguards4285]

@Gemma Dann Im curious what you mean 🙂 I posted this comment a long while ago and can’t remember the reference points in the video but I do value the discussions on this channel in particular. Wish there were more sometimes.

[@cosmicbodyguards4285]

@Gemma Dann hehehe it happens! No apology necessary.

[@sappir26]

The problem is that every time the narcissist is exposed, she takes it out on the children involved.

[@gemigames154]

This is very true. Even going no contact is likely to provoke some kind of action onto your children to try and get a reaction out of you. It may be harsh in the short term but know that your children are much more observent than you think so even though the narc hurts them in some way from a reaction to your action or inaction towards the narc you ultimately speed up the process of getting them to realise who they really are. Just try to be yourself with your children and only mention the narc is wrong in front of them if the child brings up something you strongly consider as unacceptable behaviour from the narc. Also teaching them general lessons about unacceptable behaviour, especially behaviours you instinctively know the narc employs onto them, is a great way to prime them to be more receptive when the behaviour manifests at a later date. Having at least 2 to 3 days a week with your child greatly helps with this tactic. Lastly, I'm no expert so take this advice with a grain of salt but I've used this for the few months since gaining 50/50 custody and it's already causing my child to be much more reluctant to leave me on hand overs. Courts, in the UK at least, are no where near equipped enough to deal with these malformed beings so we have to play the long game unfortunately. Good luck with your situation and I wish you all the best on finally removing the narc from your childrens lives.

[@persephonelove4680]

I’m so thankful my kids refused visitation with him. They are old enough in the state we live. I suspect my kids will cut him off permanently.

[@thejurydoctor6097]

Look up the conscious coparenting institute (dr. Childress/ Dorcy Pruter) they address that element of the battle but Dr. Vaknin is (IMO) THE leading expert on the “pathogen” that is a NPD/Borderline alienating ex…

[@davidellul4716]

As if the children are not always, every day of their lives a victim of narcissist, whether the other parent is there or not.

[@marianatequiero28]

Yes … brainwashed ,and used as a weapon to punish you , and will not respond to you silent treatments

[@SueDenimDomDenim]

This has been so helpful because I’m in the middle of a separation from my narc husband and it’s hell now so I know when it comes to the actual divorce it’s going to be like warfare and I’m trying to prepare myself for what is to come thank you Prof Sam for sharing your wise thoughts

[@justamama5167]

To be prepared also from even more angles, you need to get the book "Splitting". It gives a lot of advice from a legal standpoint. Between what Professor Vaknin is teaching us and that book, you'll be kicking your narc's ego in court. Good luck!

[@secreteobsession3584]

Sorry to burst your bubble but it will get worst There's no compromising with a narcissistic person it's their way or no way they feel abandoned and want to teach you a lesson for letting them go which makes them wanna hurt you even more. When you try to negotiate they re just wasting money on lawyers knowing that they were never going to compromise the only way to deal with a narcissistic person is to make them stand in front of a judge as they feel that they above the law the judge will put them in their place as the only advice I can give you Be prepared of him discarding you smear campaign and false allegations with authorities if it does get down that route. Get a trained lawyer that knows a little bit about narcissistics and how to deal or qualified in higher conflict with narcissistic as I'm going through it right now. I didn't receive child support over time and if I did he would give me scraps so I had to go to authorities to make him pay and it's the same going to court for child contact Again the judge had to put things in place Some things he had ignored from the judge decisions which I had put forward to him that I don't mind going back to court as he was afraid but he didn't want a solution so now he has no contact due to not following the rules Next advice is always stick to Boundaries as if he ignored them and let him off he would always take advantage it's a nightmare sometimes you feel like you should of stayed in the relationship knowing that you think you do better leaving. But it does get better at the end when things are put in place but the journey is not funny just all I can advise you was keep your head up keep strong and don't make him make u Feel that he can control you if he becomes verbally stick to emails do not interact keep it silent contact no texting more evidence for u.

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

I'm newly separated from mine. He's already accused me of threatening him with a gun, wanted me to put money into the bank. I had him on audio the entire 50 min. telling me that it was his word against mine, he was gonna go down and file with the magistrate. It cost me $175 just for my attorney to listen to the audio. At the end of the audio he says, "ok it never happened". WTH???? This is gonna be an all out war. Good luck to you!

[@alexheffner3089]

Wow...I've been in therapy for about 3 years now and this really nailed some concepts I've had trouble understanding. My parents split when I was 8 and my dad put forth effort to make us kids hate our mom, always had inappropriate conversations with us about their court proceedings, sent smear campaign letters to my mom's second husband's dad about how he "needed to keep his son safe from her", etc...Love all these videos but this one hit particularly close to home!

[@jinnyh]

Can’t thank you enough for this reenactment of my life and endless court dates with ex

[@joeywarshawsky54]

I can't stop laughing. I don't think this was supposed pro be a comedy show but the imagery of all your tips have me rolling on the floor. I can only imagine the response to “you're average, you don't understand the question” Omg. I'm. Dying

[@Papajankypot]

And people wonder why spouses physically abuse or murder themselves. The family court system is a fucking joke. I don’t get it. Someone that was your best friend, is now your worst enemy? In the state I live in, I was served divorce papers, and had to live with this woman for over five months. If I would have left, I would’ve been charged with abandonment and not gotten any money or custody. The system is a fucking joke.

[@jjvisionariesdianakoganval8523]

Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. Wow this has been the best advice I have heard in ten years with my ex in court he tried to use anything he could think can of. Yes you are correct I was very naive in the beginning thinking my ex would have a limit but he kept proving that there was nothing that he would not do to reach a lower point but he always did. I was to scared to push him because I was so afraid of the collateral damage, but there always is a lower. To him the kids were the pawns. I made it worse by prolonging it as long as I did because I did not have the explanation that you gave so precise and undeniably the best I have heard from numerous lawyers and of course friends and family who want to help but have no clue how so you are pulled in so many directions you can barely think.

[@priscilayepez2215]

Pure evil individuals who will play with your emotions and feelings , They will tell you crazy , paranoid even with prof they won’t accept their mistakes and still blaming and acting like a victim .Trying to divorce a narcissist who has literally has cause me a lot traumas and damage .

[@lauraJa777]

I'm so sorry. I'm divorcing a narcissist, as we speak. May the LORD stand with you in this fight.

[@janb.7686]

😂😂😂 I love the part when you talked about making sound like he is a puppet to his lawyer and tell him he is average in bed, humor, etc! He’s embarrassing lol I’m going to think about how I can use these tactics in my divorce hearing. Thank you, sir

[@Fusco77]

Mine upped the abuse after our last sexual encounter. I told him it was a one night stand and was rubbish and that he’s just not all that , he was telling me how much it was amazing and how much he loved it 🤣 I told him it’s never ever happening again, well the abuse went from 10 to 1000 in minutes! He lost control big time. So glad I caused him that injury as that’s what dragged us to court and I won and now have my peace. Still that sexual encounter was terrible and I’m happy I’m left with that last experience

[@nadiamoodley6418]

Thank you! So informative and detailed. I have my interview with the family advocate this month. Dealing with the livelihood of my children- im the defendent. Primary guardianship, parental responsibilities and visitations is going to finally be investigated. Hope to comment again with good news that he did not destroy me but rather i got my voice heard.

[@selenachantaca2419]

Hello! Just wondering how it went for you?

[@isawallamaat711]

Hi, I hope you had your voice heard

[@kaythw3932]

Thank you so much for sharing this presentation with us. I, also, am glad that your work in preparing it was neither wasted nor lost after the initial program was cancelled. I know that I will watch it many times as I prepare to move forward and I will ask my attorney to watch it with me as well. You have created something truly brilliant here and I am indebted to you for posting it. You are a blessing.

[@liliaareas2459]

Fico feliz pelas pessoas que estão podendo acessar esse tipo de informação enquanto ainda estão criando estratégias para essa guerra. Se eu tivesse esse sabedoria antes não teria perdido tudo. Saí sem nada. Nem filhos, Familia, Finanças. Dignidade. Perdi tudo. Escutem o Sam, gente! Essas informações são ouro puro!

[@timothydolgos4702]

I am in court with my NPD ex-wife right now. When we divorced, I had the kids more than she did, so she offered to waive her right to child support so that I would. Which I did. I didn’t want her money. She, like me, is a tenured teacher and has dual certification in chemistry and physics. But she is choosing not to work so that she can have the kids as much as me and collect welfare. Under a temporary order, I’m paying her $185/wk. and I believe she has a judge helping her, who happens to be our son’s girlfriend’s daughter, who doesn’t like me. We opted out of child support, but now, she has me back in support court. I’ve remarried and have a blended family with 7 children. She’s sinking me. If you can help me in any way, I would be eternally grateful. She moved my children 6 times in 9 months without ever telling me.

[@FerrellBill]

She tricked you. You played as if she were reasonable and sane. Then she flipped the script and is emptying you financially. See the error in thinking? I pray things are going better for you. But never EVER miss a chance to pin them.

[@robertabrown4123]

We are in a custody filing that isn't from divorce. We have custody of relative that was orphaned. Its been 3 years now, now his aunt is filing for custody/or visitation rights. She is a narcissist that just wants control and appearance of savior. But our attorney we originally hired seems like a narcissist too! We are no longer with him and need to find another. He would not allow us to talk. He was telling us what we should do without expecting us to have any say at all. It was the most crazy experience. Lawyers don't want to fight for you, they want to agree to other side for an easy case, easy money.

[@wintergoddess8210]

After 34 years of marriage and 6 children my husband tryed to kill me him and his whole malignant family cult planned it to take my house money from me he went to jail for a month got out he has a restraining order on him he put the Divorce on me 1st then 2days later he was stalking me hes very vengeful vindictive thinks only eye for an eye motto and he now doesn’t want to see our children.Thank you for the video 😊

[@persephonelove4680]

When I divorced my NPD X the firm fired him and later wanted to hire MY ATTORNEY! We are now back in court for custody modification-and now he’s crying alienation. I am shocked by his lying and playing the victim. BTW, he’s a surgeon.

[@hc3996]

The fact that he's a surgeon is really, really scary. My skin is crawling thinking about how he probably immensely enjoys literally infiltrating people's bodies. I reckon the only reason he'd not take advantage of the position he has and hurt people is because he wants to seem like a life saving hero. It sounds like I'm being harsh but any survivor of narcissistic abuse will know that these people are heartless, deceitful and only ever do good things for attention, praise and portraying a saintly public image. Unfortunately even their own children are not exempt. All the best to you and your family

[@apronsandmagnolias]

@@hc3996 Narcissists are usually in these high powered positions.

[@iRockwthMJ]

This is brilliant, clear, and concise! This information is priceless. 👏👏👏

[@traxikscifi8105]

Very good, in the end one just has to tell the truth cronologicaly... from the moment one realizes, what we are dealing with, one can understand, that whole relationship was fake, from the begining till the end. That hurts, but brings peace after a while... thank you for your words, realy helped to organise the confusion.... now i know where to start... from the begining ;).

[@paper-chasepublications9433]

Thank you for all the useful information. So basically, give them a taste of their own medicine, but plan it out. Got it.👌🏾

[@lyndellyounger6969]

Your work has NOT gone to waste! Thank you so much for sharing your hard work w us ❤ You were even good for a giggle here n there too my friend! Lol Top job! 🎉

[@ameliafuertesdominguez9797]

Thank you very much indeed for your generosity. It does help me.

[@Yurkidding]

Custody case, his lawyer keeps protecting him..every time he starts to rant and do exactly what I want....but his lawyer steps in and talks over him...honestly I think it's one of the times the judge really needs to see the parents character, how can the court see if his protector keeps covering it up

[@zeinarph]

Very informative. I appreciate your guidelines.

[@rjlacroix3334]

Outstanding professor Vaknin ! Very helpful .

[@kimberleecobaruvias7657]

Thank you! I’m not sure what to expect but now I know how to respond best.

[@cathyditota2476]

Thank you so much!!! You have given me peace of mind !

[@lidijapoth6301]

Thanks Sam. I dont wont to destroy, but to save my children. 🙏

[@ibiminaabiye257]

Same thing he's saying. You need all these tactics to save your children

[@agapkan2222]

Masterpiece, thank you☕🏆

[@lynettefarley537]

Should I call him out on his hairpiece? That is a family secret he has required we all keep.

[@theshandelallen]

😂

[@kayhaladay2460]

T… say it like factual … ‘you all had to keep this secret and pretend no one noticed as he’d become enraged… ‘ this way it’s more about him otherwise the message is lost on you being bitchy

[@tricia007100]

LOL - Hell Yes!!

[@whiteraven69]

Rip it off his head in public.

[@Pjayysan]

Yesss

[@Bettykinsella]

Oh Sam I laughed, decades too late for me , but these tactics are brilliant. My story is a long one, but if I’d been prepared for what could happen it might have spared some time. By the times I was years in and out of court I realised this was war. Had I watched this video once way back then, I have little doubt, it would have saved everyone around him, years of pain and decades of trauma. Thank you Professor, you are very interesting, and present complex issues in terms most people can understand. Thank you, I’m sure you will save years of anguish for many people. Bonus you make me laugh ‘mediocre’ hahahaha the worst thing you ever say to the genius I married.

[@Blue_bird-jc5tn]

Hey Sam, i have listened to this video about 10 times .. there is so much helpful information it here. I'm facing a horrific court battle with a vulnerable narcistist, who switched to primary psycopath... I would LOVE some more videos like this one, if possible.. I am not seeking any form of revenge, despite the years of abuse.. i just want him to leave me alone to parent when it is my time with our child. He tricked the court and managed to get 50% care of our child 😢 He has littered lies throughout the entire case and I'm needing to go back now and work through all the 'noise' so it can be documented correctly and presented by my new barrister. Only for the purpose of showing my ex the he cannot use the courts every time he wants me to comply with his requests (aka, demands). Currently, he's threatening to take me back for x, y, z... and it's draining me financially. If my Barrister can mortify him for me, that would be ideal... but all this is just to get away from him. The idea of what occurs for the narcissist in mortification is horrible, but i know this is the only way I'll get peace and be able to put all my attention toward Mt recovery and parenting. Any further videos on these issues would be greatly appreciated

[@abiciccio1172]

You deserve a medal

[@johnnycontreras6307]

Lots of great information. Thank you

[@matthewcanfield6748]

I have a narcistic soon to be exwife. They can be narcissist too. She ysed the kids as weapons against me, treated me like shit, and still does. There is so much that i wish i could communicate with her, but i know, its pointless.

[@nitrobiz]

I thoroughly enjoyed this video, it is extremely educational the only feedback I have is the narcissist is not always a man. I am currently in a nasty custody case with my ex wife who is refusing to believe that our daughter doesn't want to live with me and is refusing to live with her.

[@kashproductions3273]

some of the most valuable work you have every shared and i am deeply greatful for this, especially when i am preparing my documents and evidence for child custody. everything i say needs to be backed up with some form of evidence, and not to come across as vengeful or hateful, when explaining the evidence. as it is just a way of showing the reality of a the situation

[@Jerra6]

Fantastic job!

[@bellesterbeatty3571]

Unfortunately, my narc aside from being a "charming bastard " he is brilliant. I have seen him work for 30 years. He doesn't have me baffooned and scared. He is smart. He had his mask on until he was ready to discard me. Many people, neighbors, and friends hate him, but they are afraid of him. Aside from his new flying monkeys.

[@cholldi]

Thank you for the great video!

[@nicolletteramirez]

This is brilliant. And accurate!

[@74567justin]

Great information!! Thank you!!!

[@FernandoGomez-ne8bh]

Incredible. Touched every point. So much detailed information. What a wonderful educating video. Five stars

[@ldbobay]

Wonderful information!

[@masonstruckadventure9368]

Powerful video. Thank you so much

[@sanaztaha4798]

Thank you Dr. Sam Vaknin

[@MichNative01]

I need this, thanks for the info!!

[@wandafrazier5206]

Thank you. This helps a lot.

[@smarternow]

I am going to court soon with a modification because he refuses to move his belongings out of the home or get the home on the market. 6 months. She stole money of mine, paraded his supply all over our neighborhood. Can’t wait to get out and away from him!

[@nanikibogopane1536]

Wow I will gather everything thank you very much.

[@johnathonhuson8734]

I’m 2 years into a family law issue over a joint property purchase. After serving her a very fair offer to settle, I was handed nothing short of a complete fabrication of response materials. This is a trap, the expectation is to join in on the tantrum. My strategy, is to identify the tantrum by using articles of disclosure that both prove my claim, and discredit her claims at the same time, and establishing an irrefutable timeline of events. Judges don’t want to see the drama we have to talk to them in law speak. Do everything to act reasonable and hopefully you’ll survive the process.

[@johnathonhuson8734]

@@Laliwhisper I have a motion today at 2pm. I’ll update later. So far my ex has been after a restraining order and a complete dismissal of our case since day one. It’s been 2 years and she’s been rewarded nothing, our trial was scheduled for April 2023. I got served a motion to dismiss, under the guise I’ve been harassing her and haven’t shared ordered disclosure. These are the same arguments that failed 3 times prior. My strategy was identify the real contention, and show that there is no need for that contention due to dates times etc found in emails, texts, and bank statements. Remaining focused on financial and tangible facts without reacting to the gaslighting/projection/confabulation or outright fabrications of fact, so far has worked. We will see if she wins a dismissal today. I hear your plight. If you sign any settlement, work in a protection clause in the event of the likely refusal to commit to the very offer they made. It’s all bait, hold them accountable before they take the deceptive steps you’re aware they will certainly take.

[@alexammaulli1910]

Love you for sharing this vital information. Thank you.

[@janineroux2398]

How sad it is to be a narcissist...

[@teresafrancis8289]

Thank you for this video

[@robynedward125]

The biggest problem the system needs to protect the children instead they get stuck in the middle with parental alienation and the children have been washed and don't know what to believe. In my case I haven't defended myself to our children or told them the truth I won't put our children in the middle. I'm working with a couple conjugal abuse counselors to figure out how to talk to them about abuse without placing them in the middle and give them tools to understand abuse isn't ok. What they need to do is take conjugal abuse especially physically abuse and take away parental rights when their causing more damage. Unfortunately kids are afraid often and tramatized by the abuse that they often don't talk about it example a couple yrs before they actually talk. Hugs to the other survivors going through this stay strong and fight for your children's best interests and justice and what's right don't back down. Plus a restraining order and no contact block all parties in his corner makes unfortunately the abuse doesn't end there💔😪💜

[@saw727]

I adore you professor Vaknin

[@virginiarowe4204]

Thank you SO MUCH!!!

[@jodyhing8557]

thank you so much Professor Sam! i appreciate you! aloha from kona , hawaii....jody

[@GD-wn1mi]

I have recordings but just learned recordings cannot be used in court in Canada

[@leahboynton1280]

I got divorced in Canada. You can document everything on a calendar and use screenshots for proof.

[@chris-ts4km]

Could the narcissists,murder suicide the family after being destroyed in court. It seems to be happening a lot in society these days.

[@collectivemindsunique7945]

Exactly. That’s what I think about when dealing with my situation

[@newlife2288]

I do not follow and I do not like to destroy. However, if I must, I will proceed to destroy before my good name and life is destroyed. It is the choice of the offensive party.

[@newlife2288]

I will add that this goes for business partnerships too.

[@dianalevin6800]

Thank you so much!

[@vanessatruter3225]

My Ex husband has had numerous affairs, we have two children together was married for 9 years. I had pulled away from him, rejecting him during our 8 years of marriage. He threatened me with divorce if I don't act like his wife. I told him to go ahead.was filed with papers, it's been 5 years back and forth with lawyers, ignoring court order's, tried putting me on the street taking away my children. So far shared custody but one child lives with me and our oldest with him. We have to homes together which should of been sold and paid me out. He has done everything not to settle as per court order. I have been exposed to police nearly every week before divorce saying I'm abusing him and sleeping with strangers. My children were nearly taken from me. I had two different lawyers in the beginning whom was not on my side and lost alot of money. My 3rd lawyer know hopefully will end all this soon.

[@smartxury444]

In very similar situatiom

[@smartxury444]

Cheating on me with 160 women. Hooker. False accusation using the flaw of the legal system and my love towards our family. Pretend to be a victim. Using my close relationship with my children to his advantage.

[@skiptrack326]

What do you mean lawyers were not on your side?

[@vanessatruter3225]

​@@skiptrack326 he paid my Lawyer behind my back to not fight him in court they worked against me with his lawyer and my ex

[@detetivedabeleza]

Thanks Sam, I will win. From Brazil.

[@VaughnMalecki]

You can't. The system knows absolutely nothing about narcissism. Likely all narcissists themselves as they get off on ruling over other individuals lives.

[@jamesdoo2699]

The problem lies in the complete lack of understanding of narcissism on the part of people who have never experienced it.

[@adnanabdull4h]

The system is designed by narcissists. The agenda is to destroy the institution of marriage.

[@cruzjacquez4398]

Just simply seeking JUSTICE against Malignant Narcissist with a Double life.

[@trishawallingsford4146]

Thank you

[@michellecherwak4194]

Are you a lawyer Professor Vaknin. If so, can I hire you? Can testimonials by psychologists and Psychiatrists be used in court? Like the time my husband told the therapist that he's a liar and a really good one? Or the criminal conduct that he confessed to in therapy? There was financial abuse in our marriage. Can I sue him for restitution? He was diagnosed by his Psychiatrist with vulnerable narcissism. He put us into so much debt that we cant afford a lawyer. Any suggestions on what I should do about that?

[@magnoliav12]

My sister gave me a book that had a passage in it that says the narcissist knows more about you than you do. My ex wife was a psycho who once told me that exact thing. She knows more about me than I do. I never had much respect for psychology until I read that book. It was like having the maintenance manual for my ex wife. I now have a new wife who's ex is a psycho as well. I was able to point out patterns in his behavior that show what a psycho he is and my wife is starting to understand. We've been to court with this nut 4 times now. He kidnapped my stepson for 9 months, assaulted his neighbors, my wife and the police. It's a never ending battle.

[@sylvielajoie3991]

Fantastic!

[@Playbackrm100]

Heeyyy...This guy is good!! Like, he's really--really GOOD!!!!

[@potenza76]

He taped me screaming my head off, swearing, threatening him. He's got photos... he's gonna bring him them up. I'm f*****

[@potenza76]

@@Lailat854 thank u for your care. I'll explain it as you advised. But I hope there won't be a need. Hopefully, my proof will speak volumes.

[@LovelyAndTrue]

Narc provoke for a reaction. The key is to not take the bait and grey rock.

[@Marco-xu1ss]

Yes, but what if your ex is a woman AND she filed for divorce after I declared verbally that I planned to do so?

[@trenesha-therhakakhan8269]

This had me CRACKING UP.. So accurate.

[@luckyluckylucky2261]

Amen Sam!

[@graphicdesigner7147]

Great video. I would love some examples of how to draw the narcissist out. Examples of how to provoke them. What do I say?

[@Jessibeamer]

Have you conducted sentiment analysis of the narcissist and victim communication using systems like Our Family Wizard? Ideally to find patterns and trends to present to the court factually on common threads.

[@xx.hannahrose]

Great question 🙋🏻‍♀️

[@limitlesswomanofwealth]

Genius!

[@kousthubha-fe5rw]

Thanks❤

[@mariephillips791]

Idk how to timestamp but 12 24 is what really struck me also 18 05

[@marianapopescu753]

WHY NARCISSIST DON'T WANT TO DIVORCE? Even though they are living there lives separately from there spouse, in another city, in contact with each other only for child support. WHY THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO DO DIVORCE? for codependency? The narcissist l know was literally KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE FROM HIS WIFE, but still he don't want to divorce her. I dont get it...In the same time l don't understand why the other person chose to stay married with a narcissist?? Can you do a video about that? THANK YOU.

[@kelseypung7400]

I have this same question. Why not just get on with their life? They will be in a new relationship, no contact with their kids, etc, but refuse to cooperate in the divorce process. I really don’t get it. Is it punishment? And punishment for leaving, why?

[@acionnaanassa4042]

Some illusion of control?

[@jane-ew2jh]

@@kelseypung7400 alimony

[@jessicag5655]

Don't have an answer for that as my ex wife randomly after being separated for awhile already filed for divorce yelling at me to sign it immediately going crazy bitching about how she wants her name back and hates having mine even with our son having mine but I definitely wanted a divorce too but I wasn't flipping shit over it lol also meanwhile this was during the time she adandoned our son for a new chick so I'm bitching about that saying well if you don't be a parent maybe I won't sign the papers and she replied with she will run my name into the ground not caring that's my son's name also and my families, nieces etc. I said trust me i don't want you having my last name cuz you're ruining it as we speak. I said that before she said she was then going to ruin my name. I just calmly said okay that our sons and my families last name also. Anyways I had all of this through emails and my dumbass never filed for custody which at the time I would of most likely got full custody with all my ammo she gave me. Now we have 50 50 custody long story and she doesn't give me anything anymore to ever use against her. She lives a double life keeping everything a secret like relationships, girlfriends moving right in and being engaged for months till her now ex dumped her. I didn't bother screenshot any of this when I had the access to like a dumbass once again. She has mentally destroyed me for a few years now so it's got me not thinking right and I also deal with mental illnesses, depression and anxiety so that's not going well. But I'm not giving her any ammo anymore after learning the hard way several times. So all i can do is sit low and wait and wait till when and if she gives me enough to get at least primary custody like I had his first 4 years but not legally. So now we are even and if anything she looks better than me on paper through their eyes. It's honestly disturbing and makes me livid knowing the truth but can't even prove it to people I know. She's a quiet Narcissist so she doesn't show or announce her symptoms unlike my previous ex gf where she also has every symptom of Narcissistic disorder. It was easy figuring her out early on based on how she announces the obvious symptoms and already having experience with a horrible one. Unfortunately this disorder can be mild or destroy lives and they both are the ones who destroy lives and I'm worried about my son plus mentally dealing with my own things.

[@maddycanfly7217]

My X won’t give me a divorce either . It’s been 4 years . He doesn’t want to pay spousal or child support it’s worked for him so far that’s why they do it . They are dead inside even for their children .