Detransitioning + Why I Transitioned: Mental Illness, Abuse, Malpractice

[@rrjohn5]

How profound to describe your experience as assisted self harm. This breaks my heart.

[@jemimahkendall6579]

That's what it always seemed like to me

[@laurieclements361]

This breaks my heart.

[@houseplant7441]

It literally is assisted self harm. How can a human look in the mirror and say “I hate myself, I want to chop off my genitals” and their peers will say “You’re right” and a doctor will say “Here’s the knife, pay me.”

[@Bolaniullen]

victimhood is a moment in time, it's not a permanent thing. You can still be the hero of your own story

[@suran396]

Bolaniullen, of all the comments here, this is probably the most helpful. Please Isaac, start the next chapter...and become the hero!

[@maemae1752]

I think victim hood is at the core of everything that is going on today. Our youth have been groomed and convinced that this is the role that they are doomed to. School used to be useless but now with the help of social media it has become dangerous

[@andreaberryman5354]

Great.

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

Well put! I'm in my 30s and when I was growing up, my experience was that "being a victim" didn't get you alot of support (and certainly not like it does today!) nor did it garner much sympathy. Pity. Victims were once pitied. Now they're raised up onto a pedestal and told "Hold on to that Victimhood! Blame everyone else! Even the parts that were your fault, just blame everyone else!" But suffering is different. Suffering is a part of life. Without suffering, we're all just spoiled brats walking around entitled and incapable of empathizing with others. This man knows the difference and he gets ALL my respect! 👏 👏 👏

[@ilhanaali]

​@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 did you write this as a poem cause that was poetic! Much respect

[@karenvanhook6748]

You are a very brave young man. I'm impressed by your clarity and sincerity. As a member of the generation that is old enough to be your parents (almost your grandparents), I am struck by a deep sense that we are failing young people like you. You should be able to trust the older adults to think things through, to exercise sound judgment, and to put the welfare of young, vulnerable people ahead of their own need to find validation through support of trendy fads. Your abusive parents are clearly very messed-up people, but people who supposedly were there to help you should have done much, much better. I am so sorry that the so-called adults you turned to -- the medical and mental health practitioners -- betrayed your trust. Kudos to you for telling the truth about what happened to you. I'm certain you're helping others through your honesty. I wish you restored health and a long and prosperous life.

[@creatrixZBD]

Ikr? No wonder the poor buggers think that grown-ups are the devil. They’ve met so many crap ones, it’s not surprising they write us all off. I am so lucky to have found a couple of good mentors in my youth, I am not sure I would still be here today, or be half the person I am, had I not had their influence and wisdom to open my mind.

[@nowwhat1434]

Totally agree. But everyone who speaks out gets harassed and called a bigot. I don’t know what the answer is but I wouldnt want to lose my job and friendship circles trying to go against this tide.

[@insights3140]

Agreed. There is great wisdom and balance in this young man.

[@insights3140]

@@nowwhat1434 also true. I’ve considered presenting scientific info on a channel but I think it’s just painting a target on my back. We need to do better by our kids.

[@wondercharls6873]

Agree

[@missypleasant]

I am so sorry you weren't treated for your issues. You seem to be a very sweet, reflective, and insightful man - so rare. I just want to put my arms around you and hold you and let you cry. Thank you so much for sharing. I am sure your honesty will help many. You have much to offer the world.

[@missypleasant]

Please report this to the Board of Behavior Sciences in your state. The American Psychological Association is directing therapists to only affirm when faced with someone gender questioning. If we try to help explore the client's other issues, it is now considered "conversion" therapy and we can lose our license to practice. We are handcuffed. Therapists are so afraid their client will suicide. And for most, transitioning does not help because the underlying cause is not treated.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

Same. Just want to hold him and let him let it all out.

[@farmerchick3040]

@@missypleasant that's so messed up...

[@julzgulz1992]

When I see you I see a brave, strong, beautiful, brilliant, completely acceptable person with so much to offer the world. Your story touches my heart. I lost my younger brother to suicide and you remind me of his deep wisdom and pain. Just please know how valuable you are. Please stay and fight for your life. You have to mind your light and not let it go out. Find those moments each day that light you up and rest in those moments. Don’t let your light be extinguished.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

Agreed. Beautiful intelligent person with so much to offer.

[@helendancelot]

You express what I want to say

[@shelfitz]

Oh Julz, yes to this ... a thousand times yes! Sending you love and light, Isaac.

[@shelfitz]

And I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear brother, Julz.

[@EinSeattle]

Such good advice for us all

[@spilkafurtseva1918]

Amazing testimony. I detransitioned (MtFtM) after having something of a (semi-successful and unfortunately quite public) music career in which I let everyone know about my delusions and obsessions/compulsions. I was enabled every step of the way by my friends and medical professionals. Now, like you, I’m left completely alone to pick up the pieces; the medical pros who had so much to offer me to transition don’t have anything for me now. I converted back to the Catholic Church of my youth and now am living as a (confused and barely passable) man as I should’ve always been. I’m sure that If it wasn’t for the time in which we were born, we would’ve received the help me needed. But unfortunately we got ideology and affirmation of mental illness/es. my heart goes out to you my friend and I hope u heal and find that divine spark that can never be taken away. You’re obviously an extremely smart, sensitive and insightful person. There’s no doubt in my mind that despite the physical, emotional, psychic and spiritual marks of the pain you bear, you will find peace. I pray that I do too and I think perhaps it’s possible. You are so valuable and you have inherent dignity and pls never forget that. Our struggles don’t define us. Thank you for sharing your story with such candor and eloquence. God bless you.

[@tnbella7]

Welcome Home Brother.

[@manbearpig7521]

Bless you Spilka. Both of you are amazing. I have no words just sending love and good wishes ❤️

[@ritz6982]

❤️

[@stormstargazer3056]

Much love to you. God will help you . He needs your important testimony to help others. Stay strong .

[@SourPatches2077]

Thanks for sharing. I feel the same about my transition. It was self harm.

[@leemckenna1213]

Hope you find peace and happiness now. Thank you for sharing. You'll help others speak out.

[@carmelmulroy6459]

I hate when people who were abused self harm. It's criminal when parents are abusive to children but don't continue the crime. By the way l know do realize it's not intentional.

[@penelopez1000]

@@carmelmulroy6459 .

[@stormstargazer3056]

Stay strong. Seek God. He will help you. Much love to you. Stay brave. Don’t give up.

[@blessedunoo]

never ever thought of it like this….wow. this is heavy man. 😶

[@sashashaktiable]

I don't even really know why I looked for a video of someone who talked about his gender journey, it was literally just a thought. Your video was the first recommendation, so I clicked on it. Now listening to your story, I just feel so compassionate towards you. I am so sorry for all the people who failed you, who failed to meet your needs. Your parents and family first of all. I wish you love and true freedom, that you find your way to yourself. All my love your way. Always be well and safe - Sylvie

[@IsaacUncooked]

Thank you, Sylvie :)

[@sashashaktiable]

@@IsaacUncooked ❤

[@TheeeDanielR]

It’s not about people failing you sweetie… it’s personal choice and as some are born as, Karen.

[@carolinam1573]

@@TheeeDanielR failed HER. She wasn't informed properly. Did you watch this?

[@carolinam1573]

@@TheeeDanielR she struggles with mental health, she should have been properly informed and counselled. She made lifelong, life altering changes

[@ronaldweir712]

After I came out to my ex wife that I suffered from gender dysphoria I sought out medical help and went to see a psychologist who basically told me that I should get over it. That transitioning would in all probability make things worse as clearly I would be unable to pass. That felt like a punch in the guts at the time but looking back it was actually quite sensible. On your situation I think the therapists should have spelt out the negative side of transitioning and make it quite clear what you would encounter.

[@persephone342]

Amen! I do with my patients. I provide them with the original surgeries and they’re barbaric. I talk about the physical changes that come with hormones and surgical procedures. It’s life long, and so will the surgeries and hormones up until you’re in youb40’s and 50’s. We don’t like to give hormones to biological women because of the increased risk for blood clots, strokes, and poor outcomes.

[@aliecarey]

Im from a super progressive town in California and I remember back in the late 90s and early 2000s they made people go through a rigorous therapy process (over a year long) to even start talking about transitioning. Im so sorry your medical professionals didn't have your best interest at heart. You seem like you have really great clarity and I hope you have a good support system.

[@christianwoman1346]

It started slowly in the 90s then it went faster in the early 2000 and even faster now.

[@rd9065]

Yeah well most trans people can't wait, so sorry but detransitioners are not a con that outweighs the pros

[@annas4843]

@@rd9065 so as long as it works for you screw the rest right?

[@rd9065]

@@annas4843 yes, screw the 1% of people who personally made the mistake of transitioning when they weren't actually trans after all, that does not negate the majority of people who are satisfied and helped by things like hrt and surgery.

[@heehoohehehe1267]

They don't have their best interests in mind because they get payed either way. Sucks, but they will egg on people thinking about transitioning so they can get payed.

[@naisharobinson6125]

I'm so sorry medical professionals failed you. I'm glad you shared your story. I am in the process of becoming a therapist and need to know stories like yours. I hope I am able to do young people justice by looking at the full picture of who they are and how they got there. I can tell how much more pain this caused you. I pray you continue to find healing. With love. ❤

[@dripside2102]

Please don't let your personal ideology influence your work, his therapists were more focused on upholding ideology more than helping him.

[@vanarilon]

@@dripside2102 It's more complicated than that.Therapists are taught to place their ideology and practice "value free counseling" which means the values of the client are all important, and the therapist is working toward their aims. However... that kind of thinking is what got this human being into this trouble, and it's why thousands upon thousands of therapists are assisting and colluding in self-mutilation ("gender affirming surgery") and self-harm (hormone therapy). They have lost the understanding of what mental health is. They have lost the path of helping the client work through the False Self, find the True Self, understand their coping mechanisms (generally a response to trauma), and integrating pain into the whole sense of the person. Therapists are allowing their ideology to inform their work, and that is why this travesty continues to exist! They need to be committed to HEALTH - holistic health - or get the hell out of this field. Holistic health is never, ever about self-hatred, bodily rejection, or transforming immutable characteristics (like race or biological sex). The problem is: the healers don't know what health is anymore.

[@theluminousmind8297]

As a parent, I feel the same as you when it come to therapist. They know all about WPATH but NOTHING else, no other books, studies or even the fact there were detransitioners. I’m tired of “working” with people that I have to educate them to be call a transphobic parent because I worry about all the horrible side effects. My daughter’s current therapist thinks changing the body is easier than the mind - really?!? It is an unbelievable thought to deny biology and how hormones affect EVERYTHING about that person’s body. Please continue to hang in there because we need strong voices like yours to make headway in the dialog on these issues.

[@CH-sl1yd]

i have so much respect for you and other detransitioners. You go through something so huge basically on your own and you come out of more self reflective than most people become in 80 years. i wish you the best. thank you for sharing your story.

[@llIlIlllII]

When you talk about trying to see a therapist, so that they can help you get back in touch with reality-- I've experienced the same thing with "depression" and "anxiety. Normal life events that could have been talked about and helped, normal weaknesses that could have been pointed out and helped. Psychology and therapy have a useful and important place in society but currently it's an industry that milks suffering. (I've had multiple labels thrown at me including autism and OCD when there was *nothing* wrong with me, except a lack of assertiveness, dealing with loss, dysfunctional family dynamic, shyness, and very low self esteem. Not one part of that is a mental illness or disorder and yet 8+ individuals kept trying to take me down that road and offer me medication.) One day there will be legal action taken for people like yourself. We know this has to end soon. On that day I hope your voice will be heard in court.

[@missypleasant]

I am sad to agree with you as I am a therapist. Much of what people go through is normal and should be normalized. What clients need most is help developing adaptive coping mechanisms and increased resilience.

[@postcardsfromspace6372]

It's like the whole "depression is a chemical imbalance" thing. Yeah, sure. Perhaps, if I live a shit life in a state of constant suffering, my brain chemistry will reflect that? No shit! Diagnoses are supposed to help treatment, not to divide the population by made up labels. This shit only helps the people making money from it, and maybe provides a band aid so that we don't have to think too much about the tragic state of society.

[@maricampari3970]

I absolutely agree, I'm a Ritalin kid and they put me on effexor and other "antidepressants" as a kid instead of just counseling me properly. Some therapy helped, like developing social skills in group therapy with peers, but psychiatry as a whole was always looking for the next appointment and to be sure I took my medicine. No other care or considerations for an individuals development. Just cover the ugly with a bandage, walk in circles and avoid meaningful and life-changing situations by playing into delusions, escapism, fear and complacency. How could it go wrong? The "right" path to take is often riddled with suffering and strife. That is what gives our life meaning, and understanding our true identity and role in this brief life.

[@yeoman2k1]

I've had similar "suggestions" made to me that to me came out of the blue. Finally spoke to a good therapist, listened to a lot of Jordan Peterson too.

[@baroquefiddle4790]

Sadly I agree, I'm a therapist also and I've been more than disturbed over the year's at how I feel a lot of over diagnosis for what I consider a natural response to traumatic/distressing life events, especially in vulnerable youth's 😞

[@rachele7472]

I salute you. You are brave and resilient and you deserve much more than your parents and others gave you. I hope this journey is one which leads you towards the happiness and fulfillment you deserve.

[@cyberspelunker1980]

Estrogen absolutely affects many hormones and can trigger autoimmune disease. So much doctor incompetence.

[@clarebonham485]

Your voice is so incredibly important. I do hope you can link up with others to advocate for each other and others loudly and in public.

[@ccroo]

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Many of us have fallen to wildly promoted irrational thinking and harmed ourselves in the process. The world needs to wake up and you are now ahead of the game. Stay critical, stay strong and wise, start always from a place of love and trust your now finely honed critical capacity. I say this for us both and for us all. 🥊❤️🕊

[@DarkAngel2512]

This goes for all social media influence. I've lost myself from online discourse and we're hurting each other.

[@somebodyelse8893]

You're in the perfect position to help youngsters and older people who are thinking about transitioning so they can have the information beforehand

[@thecirinos]

As a therapist. Thank you for sharing this video. I will fight for those who present as you did. I pledge to be your voice to them.

[@artifrac7al]

Your experience in therapy is very close to what I experienced. I'm a trans women and I don't regret transitionning at all but I feel you alot because if I would've been in a similar situation as yours, my gender therapist would have done the same and I would've hurt myself too. "they just let me dance around in my delusions and just watched" Is a beautiful way to put it. They were only there to validate what I already believed. This video is really important because their is clearly something wrong with how trans / gender-questionning individuals are treated by the medical system and so many victims like you go under the radar.

[@heidihartstonphd4650]

Your video is a precious and important point of view that I hope gets widely seen and understood. Thank you for your brave testimony. You were clearly betrayed by the under-informed medical and mental health professionals you went to for help. I hope medical and mental health professionals, and young people in their painful self questioning state, will be more cautious and diligent about their information gathering, as you have recommended.

[@nytolkalms9876]

So sorry to hear your update. A common thing I hear in stories of people who detransition is a history of trauma, especially sexual, and severe mental health problems that weren't being treated by anything else, making gender transition seem like a viable option to cure their mental health. I think you mentioning your childhood trauma is significant as it is clear that it seems to be the root of a lot of this pain you've experienced. BPD is believed to be caused by trauma, also CPTSD makes it much more likely that a person will develop an autoimmune disorder. You are certainly certainly not the first person I have heard who has a traumatic childhood and severe health problems. It is important for gender therapist to explore seriously other avenues of inquiry, a patient with trauma and BPD should be considered very carefully. It was malpractice and enabled abuse against yourself for them to have acted like your trauma and personality disorder were not significant things to consider when assessing your desire to transition. What you need is DBT therapy, therapy that was made for trauma victims and people with BPD, and trauma based therapy that people with CPTSD use.

[@IsaacUncooked]

I've tried DBT twice. Didn't work for me.

[@devin_3875]

@@IsaacUncooked Got it. Good to know. Sweetie - I’m watching all your vids right now. And I’m wanting so, so much to talk with you, and help you sort thru and troubleshoot this thing. (I know this is a strange thing to hear, from a stranger on the internet!) My name is Devin. I’m 37; female; I live in California. I have a kitty named gwen who is dumb and sweet - imo, the best two character traits to have in a cat. Would you be willing to chat with me on the phone? (With the full invitation that if I strike you as a weirdo, or ill-motivated at any point, you should certainly tell me to eff off and hang up!) Beyond that: Do you have any people in your life, right now, who are trustworthy and checking in on ya? Watching your videos, I want this so much for you. Sending you very warm thoughts. PS - I’m super duper familiar with BPD and childhood trauma stuff.... All the complex ways that can express itself throughout our later lives. (The pattern of attraction and relationship with narcissists, for example. Arg, traumatic re-enactment, it’s so real!)

[@elarael6045]

As someone who has survived trauma, I hate hearing that I’m “brave” and “strong” for going through those things, and yet those are the words you bring to mind.

[@marleenstukkien5384]

A year late, I know, but yes, I get that too. It's vulnerability, paired with not knowing how to stop fighting. The guy seems like a fighter in his core, but fighters too need people that won't leave them while they are fighting, people that are willing to fight along side them. I'm keeping all of my fingers crossed for him. - Traumatised woman that is also sick of being called "strong" (but still, being strong IS a side of us and IS a reality about us, even when it's not the whole story) -> Keeping my fingers crossed for you as well of course, even though I don't know anything about you 😉

[@RoLee705]

This video is so important. You are powerful and strong. You are well-spoken and more people need to hear this story and see the non-glamorous side of transitioning as well as the malpractice of the doctors who “treated” you.

[@meb3369]

I know how you feel :/ being led astray by shitty "healthcare providers" who just end up harming you irreparably when you sought them out for help. They end up making things 1000x worse.

[@PoppyKat72]

As a mom my heart breaks for you. I'm so angry at the people who should have helped heal you but caused you more harm. You are very brave to speak out ❤️

[@insights3140]

The entire community doesn’t know anything about anything. So little effort is put into actual informed consent now. And what very few experts will admit is that this is all experimental, off label, no longitudinal studies…if they even know. It’s horrifying. They’re selling an quick fix for an ideology they created. As a mother, medical professional and a trauma survivor…I’m livid. The motivations have nothing to do with what is best for the patient. It flies in the face of everything I learned about medicine, psychology, and development. It has NOTHING to do with actual care for the patient.

[@DelilahZoe]

This story also reminds me that "professionals" do not always know better --- we're inside our bodies, and if we still have the capacity to think rationally, **we** can make a lot of progress in healing on our own, with God's Grace.

[@natvicarious]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Hearing how the doctors betrayed you, ignored the abuse you've endured and just pushed you further made my heart ache. Thank you for finding the strength to share your story and probably help others get out from this hell.

[@username.not.known2473]

There's a channel called TT Exulansic who argues that medically transitioning young people is abuse and its proponents are dangerous. I really hope you're recovering well. Take care of you.

[@toddwever4916]

I am 55 years old and have come to the conclusion almost all people I have met in life have some sort of mental disorder. Some are not affected as badly as others. Some deal with it better than others. It's just amazing to me how a broken arm is treated Stat. Mental illness is misdiagnosed, swept under the rug, ignored and shamed. I am so sorry how the system has failed you. But this has some good, you are informing me as well as others!!!

[@raynerefrain]

Not 'disorders' per say, but to be slightly facetious 'nobody gets out alive' or at least not many. Normal human experience etc is being pathologised all over the place (obviously some have more trouble than others with mental health, yes; this can depend on your personality along with your experiences and then if course some ppl do hit a level of 'disorder') , therapists should try to ground you in reality and help you to manage obsessions and compulsions (which many humans have) instead of 'affirming' you to an extreme and telling you to run with it, not just on this subject either, but of course this one is quite serious /extreme in scope for many reasons.

[@inthelandofmorethansmall7582]

YESSS!!! I'm 39. I'm an ER RN and an EMT and I minored in Psychology (I've been reading books on Psychology since I was 8 yrs old - *see below) and I absolutely agree! Every single person in this world has SOME type of mental illness. No one is perfectly adapted. Either they suffer from obsessions, compulsions, addictions, depression, anxiety, etc... OR they have SERIOUS disorders which can really affect their lives and the lives of those around them. None of us have it figured out just yet. And the most u fortunate part of life is that - just as we get old enough to have REAL experience and REAL wisdom, our minds start to go. Or our health. And it wouldn't matter anyway because no one listens to the elderly anymore. (*The Birth Order - I read it at 8 and it lays it all out perfectly. No matter who you are, you're born in a certain order. Even an only child has his order. And every single "Order" comes with its own set of pros and cons. I think it was written in the 60s. And I found it FASCINATING!)

[@nicoledoubleyou]

Yes, everyone has struggles, everyone has "mental health" issues. It's normal. Some need therapy, others learned good coping mechanisms through their parents and don't really need therapy. I don't think anyone NEEDS medication.

[@MaraJadeTX]

I stumbled on this video. I'm not sure what to say other than my heart is with you. Stay strong. Ignore the haters. I had to be my own doctor for a long time too, for a different condition. I was privileged with a good CBT counselor and got better. One small step at a time.

[@lancenot2842]

I don't know if my comment will mean anything or if you'll read it, but I'm proud of you. I can't imagine how much strength, how much mental strength it takes to put this all out there and look at it from a logical pov. The doctors and therapists fueled this and only allowed it for the simple fact they are either also delusional or they didnt want backlash. People paint it out to be all sunshine and no pain. They won't tell you everything you go through because they know most would change their mind if given the facts. I'm sorry its taken so much of your life, but you're taking your life back and I cant stress how amazing it is that you've made so much progress, it might not feel like much but I think you've gotten past one of the hardest parts and thats coming back into reality and facing it.

[@autisticautumn7379]

I totally get it .You are a highly intelligent person you have worked out what is going with your own issues. I think the whole system sucks mental health gender therapy . I'm sorry you have had to go through this and you ate totally right to have confronted your therapist . It makes me wonder who is behind all this who is making money out of people's misery xxx

[@AlwaysFedUp]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! 💙 I’m concerned that a friend of mine is pursuing transitioning for the wrong reasons. But she’s so wrapped in gender ideology that even questioning it send her into a tizzy. I want to be honest and tell her what I think but she’s convinced people only detransition because of anti-trans bigotry. She won’t listen to me or any of her family members and I worry so much for her.

[@IsaacUncooked]

If it helps at all, I was there once too. Anyone can come out of it, if they're shown love and understanding while still being challenged.

[@AlwaysFedUp]

@@IsaacUncooked I appreciate that. I’ll do my best. She’s aiming for surgery and she’s upset about the 2-letter requirement. Even just telling her that it’s reasonable to be thorough before making that step is a contentious statement. I hate being silent but I’m balancing that with losing my closest friend since middle school. I really don’t want to enable her at all, but I feel like I really have

[@lovelymill]

@@AlwaysFedUp sorry for questioning, but what's happening with your friend now?

[@AlwaysFedUp]

@@lovelymill oh no apology necessary! Thanks for showing concern. She’s still trans-identifying, but we’ve had a couple awkward moments. We were watching Pose together one night and there were a couple times when I commented on some of the statements and ways that they were framing womanhood using vapidity and vanity, and she told me it made her uncomfortable. I also mentioned that the male character having an affair with the trans woman was queer, and her response was “well, if transwomen are women, why can’t he just be straight?” And I said “the gender and gender expression are there, but the sex is still different.” And she got so upset that she left. I’ve also held my tongue when she talks about how uncomfortable it makes her to hear ppl define womanhood biologically. So we talked about it and she called me out for my silence and other comments and said “sometimes I feel like you don’t think transwomen are women. And if my best friend isn’t where we need to be, then we can’t be close.” Mind you, this friend ended up in the hospital with a sudden potentially fatal condition and I left my job early and stayed with her in the hospital until her mom could reach her at almost 10pm. I love this friend and would literally do anything for her, but it’s like she has these moments where she lets it slip that she knows the truth, but needs me - her woman best friend - to convince her that she’s a woman. She gets invited to girls nights with my college friends and then complains to me that she feels out of place, but then if I mention that there’s a biological difference, then that’s a reason for her to almost cut off our friendship. Re the whole surgery thing, she’s gone back and forth on it multiple times. And I’ve tried to express to her that her personhood and personal expression are valid without that, but I feel like she doesn’t grasp what I’m saying to her. She claims she can’t get the surgery bc of her parents and is gonna hold it against them - even though literally no one is stopping her - but I can tell that when she calls it off or postpones it (this is like the 3rd or 4th time) she’s relieved. I just don’t know what to do. She’s always been my go to pal. Someone I’ve cried to and shared long nights with just opening up and sharing our deepest dreams. I truly love her so much, but I just feel alienated from her and put upon to lie to her when she knows deep down what the truth is. Anyway, you didn’t invite a therapy session lol. I can stop here.

[@mindverse8972]

I've been watching you all the way from the united kingdom. We shared a similar past and you are the reason why i stopped transitioning. You suffered extreme pain transitioning and i almost had a heart attack because of the spironlactonce. Its took a lot from me. And at only 5 months in. I just want you say. You are loved very much by many people including myself. You have friends here and you dont have to feel alone. Its great to see how happier you are now. I could see the sadness earlier on and its how i was and the hormones heightened everything and made me worse. When i saw how unwell you look it made me think about so much. I'm now detransitioning and started a week ago. I could barely breath. My chest was tight and had extreme low blood pressure and still recovering from this. The doctors never even challenged me in the uk. I explained how i felt and was given blockers and hormones. They really have no clue not even here.

[@jones2277]

you seem to still be in so much pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this. i don't know what to say, but i wish i could help you. remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm not very religious, but this phrase stuck with me, and now when i feel things are hopeless, i try to remember it.

[@balbagsaginz]

I don't know much, but I know that after I returned to nature, exercise, and small simple hobbies such as cooking, and drawing, it helped my depression significantly. Also sauna bathing and heat therapy helped alot, and playing guitar helps alot if you're still able to.

[@helenadonorte]

I stumbled upon your video and immediately remembered of a family member who dealt with gender questioning due to an OCD (developed after abuse). I’m not sure if that’s your case, but knowing someone else went through similar things and is recovering might help. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You seem like a good person and I wish you all the best ❤️

[@sellwithmel]

Thank you for this video..My son is almost 18 and is pushing hard on going on estrogen. We are so afraid that it may not help him like he think it will. I hate the fact that there may be irreversible damage if he decides that wasn't his path. I'd love to get your email so I can ask you more questions. My husband and I are so confused and desperate.

[@christinaedwards5084]

Just remind him that he is still him, he won’t change, only peoples perceptions of him will. And that doesn’t happen overnight. One thing I discovered the hard way is the sense of an imposter syndrome. I know what I am, other people, not so much. That’s very jarring as I don’t see what they see, because I know every “tell” that gives me away. Transition isn’t a magical cure all, we never look the way we want, rejection is all to common the moment you “out yourself” and it’s quite a lonely existence.

[@twerkinthecityhuh6340]

Have ur son watch the Is vid.

[@andiwaslikeyea]

Hi Issac, I recently saw you in yer discussion with Boyce & I really enjoyed it. So I was really happy this vid came up in my feed a few minutes ago because I was hoping to hear more of your story. For whatever it's worth you are on the right path in the earnest truths you have arrived at & are willing to speak out about. This will make you stronger more than it may feel like right now. I believe you may have found one of your assigned missions for your life, which is lucky but rare. One of the most respectable things a man can do is acknowledge where he was wrong and courageously do too remedy that. I hope to hear/see more of you. TAKE CARE😊😘🤗, we need you in the world.

[@lucasnightwish]

First, I'm sorry for all this pain you've been through. And secondly, thanks for sharing your experience, it was like somebody finally expressed with words the suspicions I always had have in my thoughts, but I didn't know how to express them myself.

[@roxytocin8639]

I am sorry for the poor treatment you've gotten, but very glad you are speaking up. I have found your videos very enlightening. You are shedding light on a lot of important issues. Best wishes to you.

[@louisecook6483]

You are a very beautiful, brave person, getting over all of the abuse you have suffered can take a very long time and your therapists should have dealt with this first and foremost, I know how hard that can be as 40 years on the nightmares still happen. You have been so let down by everyone , I really hope that you find a proper therapist who can help you and life becomes better for you. I'm also on prescription opioids for early onset arthritis (diagnosed early 20's) and know how important the lucid moments are but also the pain relief it gives and how tempting it is to take more that the prescribed dose to take the pain away. Keep faith in finding the answers you need and the help and outcome to make life easier for you. Lots of Love 💖

[@tkps]

That you've gotten this far with everything you've been through is proof positive what a strong young man you are. Many would not have. All you can do is take one step at a time and keep on pushing. The internet for all its faults, can also be filled with those who want to help, even if it's just to lend an ear whilst you scream into the ether. There will always been someone to listen and maybe the odd one or two who have some helpful insights and useful advice. Keep on keeping on mate.

[@Channel66678]

Please don't EVER blame yourself or apologise to anyone. You were TREATED so negligible, it's gross. I hope you're taking legal action, as this cannot keep continuing.

[@clarebonham485]

Your intelligence shines through. The problem is the trans movement for political reasons which I don’t understands is collectively snd rigorously denying science by claiming sex is fluid when in fact it’s immutable. So therapists and doctors are following. And here’s this poor kid searching for reality and science. It’s tragic. I feel for you. You have been Betrayed. Your honestly is courage.

[@venus_envy]

The political reasons are making class consciousness, especially among women, impossible, which in turn makes it impossible for women to advocate for the basic human rights of female human beings. The other major factor is that all of this is extremely profitable for pharmaceutical companies. There's a lot of money to be made, and there are AGP billionaires who believe in Tranhumanism who are backing this stuff. Look into Jennifer Pritzker, and his ilk.

[@sophiewillow8950]

This mum of 2 sons wants you too know how incredibly proud I am of you. What an incredible person you are! So insightful, honest & logical. You were failed by everyone & I’m sorry that ever happened to you. You deserved so much better xx

[@fatoumata7624]

Proud of someone who has no link with you ?

[@hwren9845]

I'm so sorry you've been through this. I'm not trans/detrans (though I have experienced what I'll call gender confusion) but I have had some truly horrible experiences at the hands of psychiatrists and therapists who then refused to accept any culpability for what they did to me and attempted to blame me instead, causing further damage. Many of them do the bare minimum research into what it is they're "treating" and clearly don't care about the actual outcome for their patients. My teens and twenties were a horrible, tumultuous time riddled with suicide attempts, severe mental health issues and medications which did more harm than good. After leaving all that behind and becoming at peace with myself my thirties have been mostly wonderful which I truly never thought possible. You seem like a lovely, gentle person and things won't always be as dark and distressing as they have been. I wish you love and healing.

[@Parrotgirl-tattoo]

Agreed. I don't have any gender dysphoria but I've had trauma due to abuse & also sever anxiety & depression. The "doctors" only made my problems worse, by not getting to the core of my problems & getting me addicted to prescription drugs. However, coming out on the other side has made me so strong & wise & grateful, that I would never want to go back & change a thing. I would also highly recommend psychedelics. With a trusted person that can help you work through some of the pain that will manifest. Nature's medicine is far superior to that crap made in a lab..

[@w00tbassman]

You are sweet, genuine and well spoken. Your experience has great value. Sharing your story from your voice from a larger platform would do society a great good. Have you considered reaching out to youtuber Benjamin A Boyce? "Calmversations" on the Boyce Of Reason podcast. Your style is very in tune with his and many of his guests like youself. I hope you seek his platform. My heart goes out to you and my feelings on the systems are the same. Tell him CartoonWootie sent you :)

[@venus_envy]

He should try to get on Graham Linehan's show, too.

[@MaryvalePress]

Thank you for sharing your story, it is very important. I've written a book on "Transgender Ideology & Gender Dysphoria." I dedicated a chapter to Dr. Blanchard. The bibliography is 80 pages long and I cite nearly 400 medical and sociological studies. The popular response to the book has been hysteria. If people even get the hint that you might challenge the ideology that "transwomen are women" or that children shouldn't transition at 8 years old you are framed as a bigoted, ignorant, and unresearched. People don't realize the harm they are doing. Thank you for your bold voice and I hope you get the help that you really need. You always have my support.

[@tellurianapostle]

Wonder how you controlled for confirmation bias while having no real qualifications and marketing your book towards catholics lmao. You people get such vindication from what has never surpassed 5% of a minority thats shown no real trending increase.

[@wxedsanddokx]

If your conclusion is AGPs shouldn't transition and/or to force kids/teens into conforming to gender roles/norms ya youre going to get pushback. Hopefully what you cited was actually from professionals in trans health and you didn't cherry picked what you liked and biased the entire thing..

[@anewname2947]

@@wxedsanddokx huh? Did you just say, “force kids into conforming to gender roles/norms”? I am almost positive that the only individuals forcing children to conform to gender roles are the people transitioning children who reject to stereotypically “girl”/“boy” things.

[@MaryvalePress]

@@wxedsanddokx Cherry picking 400 studies?! How many studies do you think exist? Ironically if you promote gender ideology you don't need any studies and 90% of people believe you and go along with it.

[@heyborttheeditor1608]

@@MaryvalePress you’re contextualizing an ideology in another religious ideology. How is that ever going to work.

[@AnnikaOBrien]

You’ve been through so much and when you should have been loved and supported, you were neglected emotionally. You’re a beautiful person, inside and out. You seem to be empathetic and self-aware, traits more folks would benefit from. I’m so sorry you were misguided on what should have been a path to healing. 🦋

[@CheshyLARK]

One of my daughters is trans. It breaks my heart. I lost any and all faith is counseling/therapy for her because I watched her become more and more delusional as she kept going. As you put it, she danced in her delusion. Unfortunately, I don’t know what to do. I am so sorry that you have gone through all that you have gone through. I know that MtF is different from FtM, but the psychology seems the same. They both can sterilize and cause major health issues. They both stem from the same thing. I hope one day my daughter wakes up, before it’s too late.

[@karinelaxa959]

So sorry to hear about the horrific abuse. The adults have failed you.

[@anjelgirlgifts4847]

I admire your courage in sharing your experiences with others who may be facing similar challenges. I’m so sorry you went through all this and were not acknowledged properly. So sorry you were crying out to be seen and heard on a soul level, not just shuffled around mechanically in order that the ones responsible were not held liable in some way that our system now dictates. As a former middle school teacher, many of my students confided to me their feelings of confusion about many aspects of life and relationships. Growing up is not easy and there should have been better guiding forces there for you. In addition, being a child with no power to protect yourself from those very ones expected to be your protectors, is heartbreaking. I’ve seen our educational system degrade over the years to a point where the concern for liability fights hard for precedence over concern for humanity. My heart goes out to you in hearing about your journey and I truly admire your vulnerability and bravery in speaking out for the necessity for greater mental health care, greater scrutiny and assessment on a per case basis. Thank you for all you share and I wish you happiness, health and healing on all levels.💖

[@heatherwillis5505]

I'm hearing impaired, but the sound of your voice is so nice. I can't tell what you're saying, but you speak so clearly and articulately that closed-captioning has no problem keeping up. Weird compliment, but it is a compliment nonetheless. Your story is heart-wrenching and I wish I could give you the biggest hug right now.

[@meganr9280]

Gosh, I am so sorry for all you’ve experienced in your life! This is just traumatizing. I hope you can heal from everything you’ve experienced and that you live a loving and peaceful life in the future.

[@lilyaddy1963]

Watching this breaks my heart. I can see and feel the pain that your expressing. I really hope you have a great support system. Im so sorry for your experience.

[@familyolson5417]

This takes a lot of raw courage to make this video. I have a new understanding from your sharing of this video. I hope you find what is right for you because you deserve it.

[@ArtfulJo]

Your story is very much heartbreaking, but the fact that you are speaking out about it now is so important. I wish you healing and strength as you go forward.

[@violetstameski664]

He is a beautiful human being.

[@shellyb6926]

You're such a beautiful person. Thank you for telling your story.

[@janleslie7163]

It's a trendy thing to be trans these days all you have to do is say I'm trans and you're put on hormones. I'm so sorry no one listened and evaluated you or helped you in anyway. God loves you and I love you too

[@katkameneva]

Hey, so I watched your video and I just wanted to tell you, that this mistake will not be fatal. You're still going on with life and although some things changed you are still you. You had this experience, you made some conclusions and learned some lessons. Now you're in a new place and a new life is beginning for you. There's no point in focusing on regret or finding someone to blame, but there is point in thinking about who you are now, what are your plans for the future (and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with gender) and how can you continue to make your life better. You are so much more than your past, your gender, your appearance or body and even your health. I see you. Sending lots of love to you from Russia, please write to me if you need someone to talk to.

[@jasonwismer2670]

Its a nice thought, but it may be fatal. He's had enough people telling him delusions to make himself feel better. The autoimmune disorder may very well end his life early. This is reality. He'll make the best of his life going forward, but its potentially damaged long term. Not every mistake can be fixed in life. They're making the best of it by posting these videos, and working on themselves. And yes, they can't let regret hold them back. But don't give nice lies to a person like this. They've had enough.

[@corteltube]

Thank you for being so honest…it will help many and help us out here understand things that cannot be denied….though so much is which is such a shame for those who suffer.

[@hazelold2882]

Isaac seems such a gentle, thoughtful, lovely young man and a survivor to have gone through such horrendous abuse by his parents and come through that. I think by helping others he will find peace. Sharing his story is a great start and I hope he can take his experience and get changes made to the therapy and medical industry. Doctors and therapists are probably terrified of questioning anyone who wants to transition and they need to hear this side.

[@triciat2855]

I am so sorry all of this happened to you. It is not fair and you should have had a sane, safe adult in your life to give you the care, support and services you needed and deserved. Know that you are loved, cherished and we are all rooting for you. You will survive and thrive. Sending my love.

[@kdaviswbai]

I’m so sorry you experienced this. But take from it that within all this failure by those who should have loved and supported you, there is nothing wrong with you! You were wronged and failed in so many ways. But YOU are a beautiful human being. Love yourself, you are a beautiful person inside and out. I wish you healing and the best for your future. Be strong!

[@cada2480]

When you stated that tansitioning is basically physician- assisted self-harm..... my mind was blown. That's exactly what it is. I do hope the world view changes to allow for mental and emotional healing rather than permanently damaging a person's physiology with hormones. And many times it's a child. The frontal lobe isn't finished forming until we are 25. A child who is 8 or 9 or 10 or cannot make life- altering decisions.

[@queengoblin]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. As someone who was mired in leftist virtue signalling until recently, I never would have even considered listening to these types of videos as they don't fit the leftist narrative. I see now that this refusal to self reflect is a huge part of why stories like yours are even happening and my heart breaks for you and every other person who is "affirmed" into transitioning without challenge or dealing with the underlying root of why.

[@PS-qf9fj]

You are such a lovely, intelligent person. Thank you for putting this out there.

[@progchick1]

What a heartbreaking story. Stay strong in the hope that your voice will be added to the increasing number of people who are being encouraged / coerced onto the transition path. I hope you find peace ❤️

[@joydot7620]

Don’t apologise. You have zero to apologise for. Live your life so you are happy when old. And don’t apologise for anything but rare moments when you cause legit harm. Hashimoto is a bag a shit & it is straight linked to trauma. It has huge effect on mental health.Taking care of yourself physically will help mentally. Most people say stop doing xyz to be happy but what I’ve learned is to add in the good things to reduce the impact/ interest in things that do otherwise. Congratulations on being thoughtful, courageous & wise. Best wishes x

[@evaminchew7171]

As a mother of 5 boys, my heart is breaking watching this. you are a strong person and thank you so much for sharing this. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

[@anasophiapetro5939]

I stopped hormones after three years and got my fertility back. There’s hope

[@akibalan2861]

Thank you for authentically sharing so much and for showing us the need for compassion toward those in the trans community. Your suffering has turned you into a healer. All diamonds are put under pressure. You are shinning brightly. Keep shinning. "And may all your days be sunny and bright" Happy holidays.

[@billmartins5545]

Thanks for sharing your experiences! Mental health issues are a wild ride and people need science-based therapy to explore their thought processes and their feelings, not a yes-man whose sole purpose seems to be to make the patient feel good even if that's done by affirming delusional thoughts. Your thoughts are very valuable and will help so many people grappling with gender/sexuality.

[@Carlie_flower]

I'm glad you're still here.

[@maricampari3970]

Your hair (and the brain living underneath it) is so gorgeous!! I really enjoyed hearing you talk about these topics, especially when you confronted your therapist. You're so articulate, bold and brave to speak your mind. Please try not to feel alone, your voice is extremely empowering and needed at this point in time, you have immense love and support behind you when you speak the truth against such terrifying adversity and gaslighting from those who were supposed to help and care for you. Subscribed, and I'm sending love and good luck to you 💕 Bless you!

[@sabrinagana]

Wow. I’m binge watching ur content the past couple of days and you’ve done soooooo much self-work. I saw some newer video of you where you seemed sad or down - keep going, I believe in you. 💜

[@JeffreySings]

Hi Issach I'm jeff I'm a detransitioner as well. I was also mtf then back to my birth gender male. I started about 20 and took cross sex hrt and lived as a woman for about 18 years legally changed my name worked as a woman the whole 9 yards. Then in 2017 it all changed I found Christ and He is the way. The damage won't be too permanent I don't think it just takes time I see now you seem much better than where you were here time is a healer

[@luciaaa233]

thank you for sharing your journey. Hope you are doing better today. What I felt, listening to your story, there is just a lot of brokenness inside; just all that love that each child needs just wasn't given. Oh what a world we live in. Giving you a virtual hug, may better things come your way!!🙏🎇💙

[@anewname2947]

this is a brave video thank you

[@creatrixZBD]

I feel like we older dysmorphic ppl should be mentoring the younger generations. We could learn so much from each other, and maybe avoid some of the unnecessary confusion and pain foisted upon us by a politicised medical industry. You hang in there, mate. The human body is a miraculous and incredible machine and (regardless of which x or y it happens to be), it will serve you as well as it is able if you care for it and treat it like a vehicle for the precious You that resides within it. (I hope that doesn’t sound like i am telling you what to do/think, it just helped me a lot to mentally separate the two). You are whole, even though you probably don’t believe it. All the pieces are there, my friend. Many of us are fragmented people, integrating those fragments is our journey to who we really are. You’re a treasure 🏴‍☠️💪🏼 EDIT: also, may I say what an awesome and lovely comment section under this vid. ♥️ gives me hope.

[@user-mi8xf8tq1z]

Then please also tell how back in the day the medical doctors required the patients to undergo intensive and prolong psychological assessments and evaluations. And it took years for people to even start medical transitioning and surgical transitioning had to wait for even more time. Please enlighten people who pushed and forcefully removed those regulations? Please tell all the younger kids how many many activists told the doctors that “we don’t need anyone to tell us what gender we belong to. We can self identify. Nobody else knows it better that me, myself “ Who pushed the doctors till they ultimately had to give in, because they feared to be called transphobic and their feared for their license to be taken away!!!

[@angiejonesOz]

Thankyou for your raw honesty Isaac. It probably doesn’t seem like it but you will recover from this & your experience will benefit many, many others. Many of us “old Terfs” were dysphoric gender non conforming teens who had suffered trauma and we would have followed your path had it existed back then. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You were let down by a financially corrupted medical system. Best wishes to you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support.

[@kristinpotoski9221]

Thank you. Your willingness to be so honest with your experiences, yet also objective and measured. As a childhood victim of abuse, I battled with disordered eating, then alcolism to self-medicate. I feel that a political cacophony looms around this particular issue, however. You are the first generation to be forced to navigate this minefield, and the adults in your life failed you. Kids can't begin to comprehend the weight of the decisions they're being forced to confront. I'm sorry this was your story - AND I'm not at the same time. I'm grateful you didn't become a statistic. You are an honorable person for sharing these deep wounds. God grant you many years - and an ever-greater ability to speak to those who are still hurting.

[@777Rowen]

Wishing you well, and the absolute best. Such a brave soul for speaking out and talking about this. Sending lots of love ❤️

[@Rissy617]

Thank you for sharing. So much pain and trauma. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. We all have different paths to heal, may you stay strong on your journey ❤️

[@Rissy617]

If you're interested, I'd recommend the book "the body keeps the score" by Dr vessel van der kolk. He discusses how our body's store trauma and can cause medical conditions/health issues ❤️

[@Spudcore]

Your experience resonates with me. I also got called a girl and got bullied for "being gay" a lot growing up and still get mistaken for gay a lot because I'm effeminate and dress flamboyantly. I see myself as more "dykey" than gay. I'm mainly into women, but I fancy blokes sometimes as well. I experienced a lot of trauma and have severe emotional dysregulation. I've had a string of very intense volatile relationships with some pretty sick people. I've been misdiagnosed and generally let down by psychiatrists. When I was in a very dark and vulnerable place, I became convinced that transitioning would fix me. This was reinforced by the zeitgeist, as you so succinctly put it. I was lucid enough that I talked myself out of it before I went all the way with the hormones and that. It was incredibly humiliating and I was really ashamed for a long time, and I isolated myself and self-soothed in unhealthy ways. It's not a good time. The trans ideology is extremely regressive and homophobic. Thank you for sharing so honestly and articulately. Look after yourself.

[@florwilson2002]

I will be praying for your health, (physical and mental health). You seem to be a very intelligent man...I hope many people get to hear this, hopefully it will help some of them.

[@hatepaste]

How much would you addiction to pain meds come into play with transition? Being an addict with years of clean time, and having close friends how are “trans”. I’ve seen that they justify their rampant drug use. I used to think pain was unbearable, mainly cuz I wanted to use opiates. Having to navigate real life and pain clean, I’ve found that pain is never as bad as I would say it was. Just addict behaviors in disguise.

[@lumianderson2910]

Thank you for your honesty and sharing your experience. I hope those who need to, will see this. You were so badly let down. I’m so sorry.

[@dragonfox2.058]

Sounds like Kiera Bell's case. There ARE support groups out there, kiddo, try to find them

[@whatsgoodtv2195]

I’m listening and sending you love thru this universe. The strength it takes to lay before the internet your truth is amazing!! This YOUR story is powerful. Thank you 🙏 You aura is radiating with Truth.

[@vanarilon]

As as therapist... I AM SORRY. I am sorry the root causes of your symptoms weren't explored. I'm sorry you were diagnosed at all (which is bull shit) and "treated" by the symptoms instead of the wounds. I'm sorry you didn't understand early enough that your "symptoms" were your coping mechanisms, and they worked as they needed to, for as long as they needed to. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with your brain. You survived. And I hear a lot of clarity in you now. You deserved care and effective treatment, not the idiocy that passes for "psychotherapy" (which means the healing of the soul) nowadays. I have no idea if this comment will matter at all. But I feel compelled to write it. I wish you peace. Deep peace.

[@ConstantinDV]

Leaving all these troubles aside, you are incredibly strong and fair. There are not many people who would have what it takes to self-analyse and share openly and truthfully like you just did. I do not know what else to say by way of encouragement, but one thing I can see clearly: I think you can achieve anything - literally anything - you will set your mind to do. You have what it takes. The only irreversible thing in life is to die. You can find profound meaning and happiness and you should know that. Godspeed!

[@johannaco.5331]

Your strength is admirable, your honesty refreshing. I wish you the best in life.

[@michaeljames1666]

It is evident that you are very intelligent. You also seem strong and have self-confidence despite all the hardship you have faced. I wish you all the best, strong gorgeous man.

[@iara_pimenta]

I am really, really sorry for the lack of love, support and protection coming from those who were supposed to be the most important people for a child, your parents. I am a mother of two, and I wish I could just hug you. You are brave, intelligent, honest and has a incredible level of self awareness.

[@meandlinc]

You just needed love. I'm sorry for what you've been through. Please know that you are enough. This is just a messy part here, but your story isn't over. Your beautiful heart is on display, and this is just your spirit needing to be loved as you. Jesus can perform miracles. Sending great big hugs.