Devil Pact Warlock Employee Training Video

[@Kayem237]

Something tells me you've worked in a corporate environment before.

[@nuclear9929]

Remember the lord of the rings video?

[@matthewradabaugh1635]

More like an mlm

[@ajsenpai8014]

Me as both a warlock player and a dm taking notes "WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!"

[@monsters16]

Yes just yes

[@jelte3754]

Saved to favorites xD

[@ChrisKetcherside]

Time to make deals with thousands of mortals to Exend my life time forever

[@teeny13021]

Now i just want to play a Devil's Pact Warlock who's a lawyer

[@bluebird3281]

devil pact warlocks don't become lawyers and lawyers don't become devil pact warlocks . Professional Courtesy

[@Kangstor]

@@bluebird3281 I guess Keanu Reeves didn't get that memo

[@zeeubernoob]

Why did you say lawyer twice? I thought lawyers already worked for the devil.

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

More like Home/collage loan brokers than lawyers, but whatever floats your boat.

[@HutchTheWolf]

Wait, there are Devil Pact Warlocks that aren’t lawyers?

[@FaeQueenCory]

"Don't say 'enslaved'; say 'contractually motivated'." Ben, when you do a parody, you're supposed to actually change the words not just repeat the real life corporate statements verbatim.

[@gibbous_silver]

Woah

[@shamusson]

Exactly, these are just irl woke companies lmao.

[@kharnthebetrayer8251]

They're not 'salves, they're 'Indentured Servants', they're just working off a debt. That has more interest per day than they could ever pay off in 3 lifetimes

[@theHedgex1]

@@kharnthebetrayer8251 company policy.

[@TerryAVanguard]

Nah this is way better then real life You get high salary, spaws, paid time off, free dental, vacation, medical coverage, pention, 401k and more. Thats how you know its fantasy because your never going to get that in real life.

[@archellothewolf2083]

I did something similar with a high CHA Wizard once. Created a soul based pyramid scheme and made pamphlets to advertise my company's various payment plans. Even made IRL copies to hand to the GM/party for the meme. I eventually DID turn it into a legitimate business offering a legitimate service, so when I offered to join the BBEG's side with my army of "contractually obligated employees" in exchange for my life, he was intrigued. My party watched in horror as I gave the pitch and handed the GM a pamphlet. As the BBEG, the GM opened up the pamphlet and went from intrigued, to confused, then upset. I had written the words "Glyph of Warding: Acid. Make a DEX save" on the inside of the pamphlet with a sharpie. Was holding on to that pamphlet for months waiting for an opportunity to use it. Best way to start a fight.

[@kevinbarber2795]

XD lol that’s great!

[@seekingabsolution1907]

That is terrific.

[@crownshatter4244]

You smooth son of a [piece of fecal matter]

[@davidkoudelka10]

That is fucking amazing!😆 Best way to start a fight ever (or end a life) buisness-wise!!!

[@johnperkins4610]

i mean that’s not how glyph of warding works in 5e (cannot be moved more than 10ft from the spell’s origin) but still very sick nonetheless

[@the_hanged_clown]

remember kids, necromancy is just healing without giving up!

[@appi105]

It's healing, but backwards ;^]

[@sinnerthesinful552]

@@appi105 that's evocation

[@templatename2143]

It's healing only after death

[@daveh7720]

And you can't spell "necromancer" without "romance"!

[@the_hanged_clown]

@@daveh7720 lmao I never noticed this

[@turbo_kats]

"Negative Body State Gains" if that isn't the most convoluted Lawyer description of death, I don't know what is.

[@WildBluntHickok]

Much better than "hamburger time".

[@RabidlyTaboo]

pizza time

[@broodypie2216]

"Contractually motivated" slaves

[@papafrank2894]

@@broodypie2216 unpaid inturns

[@TheMohawkNinja]

It sounds like a term you'd hear in an economics class LOL

[@noblebork7444]

This is why I'm with Hexblade LLC. They have all this and you get to focus on your client specifically, allowing you to better deal with their issues, such as: - Stagnation of health - increased identification of critical weaknesses, and the open presenting of said weaknesses. - Easy, specialized soul transfers - Specialized equipment And - Co-dependent relationship with your employer.

[@parisnumberone4967]

We at Asmodeus Investment Firm would like to request that you remove any and all recruitment attempts from and any other locations. If this request is not fulfilled we will be forced to file a lawsuit.

[@deamonmindgaming2054]

Uhhh I've been with the old one institute for years and I'm thinking of switching to a new company anyone willing to take in a simple gnome

[@davidhollowelljr949]

Hexblade LLC ftw

[@parisnumberone4967]

@@deamonmindgaming2054 We at Asmodeus Investment firm unlike other firms and institutions that serve a similar purpose are accepting of any and all races of any shape or size. We provide ample attention to any and all employees who may need it giving the required training and then allowing for even further training if need be. We have a grace period of 10 days where you cannot be fired. We provide Dental, Medical benefits at almost no cost to join. So we formally invite you to become a member of the Asmodeus Investment Firm today.

[@royplatt455]

Honestly, I much prefer Celestials Inc. We have Health Plans.

[@RatRatRattyRatRat]

"Don't forget to sign the wedding registry" "This is an asmodean index" *Racks shotgun* "Sign the registry"

[@Aironfaar]

But that's a mortal "no-no"! Back to basic training with you!

[@gamejunky3040]

Ugh, he should have mentioned the free top of the line mixer.

[@eyesofthevoid9595]

"I thought your meant to remove the heart and eat it to retrieve their soul. . ."

[@timedraven117]

InB4 the Erinyes lawyer the Mortal hired points to that exact moment as the reason why the contract was written under duress and thereby void.

[@someguy4384]

My management legitimately used the term "Contractually Motivated," in a memo and holy christ does Enslaved just fit the bill so well.

[@BobMcBobJr]

It's more of indentured servitude as you had the choice to sign it. Slaves are taken by force. That's basically the only difference though.

[@Overused_Toothbrush]

My brother plays as a necromancer and is “David S. Pumpkins”. He has a whole suit and it’s dope.

[@tvdavis]

He’s his own thing, and the skeletons are... PART OF IT!

[@Suralin0]

@@tvdavis RARGH, I'M CRAZY!!!... FOR DAVID S. PUMPKINS!!

[@lukenel29]

you have won everything. Take all of it.

[@hunterchewning6725]

Lol I love it.

[@maxweston3104]

David S. Pumpkins is of a show called SNL

[@glitchedred3809]

"contractually motivated" *Wheezing*

[@steel8231]

I thought this was in the "intentionally shitty 90s corporate training video" but turns out KZbin was just set to 144p for some reason. That said I like the MLM hunbot style dnd class.

[@ianblair783]

I saw this and set the quality to 144p Then I thought "oh this isn't so bad... But we can go *LOWER* " And then I realized No we can't

[@iambicpentakill971]

That is the scariest thing I've heard all day.

[@cdgonepotatoes4219]

Not even shitty corporate training videos are that "crunchy", standard resolution on an old CRT can't be lower than modern 360p

[@kathrynck]

YT has been having some issues in the last couple days. probably just a snafu with soul sharing obligations with AAC...err, i mean alphabet inc.

[@altromonte15]

Before the course- "What will it cost?" "Everything!" What a blunder. But after the course... "What will it cost?" "Oh, not much." 👍Great success!👍

[@WildBluntHickok]

And as a bonus we got his eyes to stop saying "EVERYTHING!" too

[@nickbuchowisch7396]

Now try to read that with Borath voice!

[@Audiotrocious]

Flashbacks to Doom Eternal: “Remember, demon is an offensive term.” Yes, I am aware there are differences between Devils (Hell/Lawful) and Demons (Abyss/Chaotic) in Dungeons&Dragons.

[@midnightbeast8476]

In order to avoid confusion in case of a Lvl 20 party attack, please reffer to them as 'mortaly challenged'.

[@hanakoisbestgirl4752]

Which are Tieflings connected to again

[@Audiotrocious]

@@hanakoisbestgirl4752 any fiend technically. The generic one for 5E is Asmodeus connection so Devil. There are rules about racial changes for different Devils and Demons as the source of the Tiefling’s heritage. Personally I enjoyed 4E’s lore about Tieflings as they had their own Roman Empire so to speak. In 5E there is a series of novels (Brimstone Angel) that explains how a magic ritual swapped the blood type of many Tieflings to Asmodeus therefore increasing his power.

[@eylore3934]

Well to be fair, calling a devil a demon WOULD be found incredibly offensive

[@RabidlyTaboo]

@@eylore3934 cant be offended for long if you eat the offenders face.

[@JustinY.]

I imagine Puffin playing this video to his friends when anyone wants to go as a warlock.

[@DXDragon38]

How are you here too?!? 👏🏾

[@insertoriginalyoutubeusern6229]

Lord Justin Y. hath come.

[@nickvansach1904]

I didn’t know you liked D&D

[@lspuria8440]

Man I'm in the same boat as all these other replies. I'll see you again Justin

[@MelaLabelle]

The king enjoys D&D. Noted.

[@seanmcfadden3712]

And now I want to see a "Health Class" video on Wild Magic Sorcerers. "Your uncontrollable powers and you!"

[@librarianseth5572]

As taught by Sips

[@seanmcfadden3712]

@@librarianseth5572 YESSS!!!

[@iamRageTheWolf]

well there are similar public service announcements ordained by his holiness the anime pope

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

@@iamRageTheWolf his heretical glory has his power restricted on Terra, leaving much of the rest of the Phlogiston unenlightened, so a new, broader, educatainment video would be best for our little apocalypses/miracles

[@rhael42]

@@iamRageTheWolf which anime pope? there's like dozens of those

[@zombielizard218]

"Asmodeus Investment Firm, where finance meets fun" You could say it's a hell of a good time.

[@whiterabbit75]

Enh. Their coffee machine in the breakroom makes everything taste like brimstone.

[@rojom2098]

@@whiterabbit75 bro have you seen the floors there? their janitors suck, there’s hellfire like right in the entrance

[@ryandooley287]

Just make sure to read your contact and remember the devil is in the details.

[@SobiTheRobot]

It's a hell of a company, run by a hell of a boss

[@charadreemurr4839]

*snort*

[@hangmanmatt2598]

Our human cleric worships Asmodeus and he is our party's lawyer. I sent him this video to see if we should make this more canon to his character.

[@jayhill8892]

Ah, but he's a cleric. Clerics are a more at-will employee and can be hired or fired at any time if their actions/beliefs etc. are outside the terms of their employment with the company, while warlocks have much specific contracts and would need to have another entity take on their contract before they could leave.

[@the_last_ballad]

@@jayhill8892 Also Warlocks are paid on contingency(power comes now, job comes sometime later and may not even be known by the Patron at the time of contract, but till then they get to use th power to do whatever they want) where as Clerics are more like salary workers(they get x amount of power consistently, but they usually have to advance their god's agenda by doing a set of regular, smaller duties in-between any larger jobs, till they quit that is)

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

@@jayhill8892 what if I sell my soul to ten different dieties at once?

[@jayhill8892]

@@Gr3nadgr3gory They'd lock you in stasis while their underlings argued over who would end up getting your soul in celestial court.

[@aaronhumphrey2009]

@@Gr3nadgr3gory Inevitables ( magical extraplanar constructs ) would hunt down and claim the soul of a deal- breaking cheater..to be roasted and ground to dust ..

[@shadowdragon2730]

ngl this actually sounds like a hot deal of a job offer. free dental, Pensions, AND paid leave?

[@Ren_out_of_Ten]

And you can leave at anytime, as long as you can find somebody else to be contractually motivated in your stead 😇😈

[@wayway7017]

the millenial dream

[@TerryAVanguard]

Its bad when the devil makes a better deal then most jobs

[@stephenjames2159]

Yeah my recruiter pitched me the same deal a few years back when I joined the Army... counting the days to when I leave now.

[@sha2143]

@@TerryAVanguard Thats kind of the point of faustian bargains tho

[@KaiserAfini]

This is the most well put together EA & Activision employee training video I have ever seen. They forgot to mention that the contract has surprise mechanics. They also forgot to advertise the wild magic contract, which will fill will all customers with a sense of pride and accomplishment with every cast.

[@jasondads9509]

Those are referred to as “bonuses”

[@eshelynn]

I feel like you missed a joke. "Where old Hell meets "Hell, yeah!""

[@unsuspiciousdweller8967]

Damnit, I made that joke before realising you bet me to it!

[@nathapholsethameteekul7718]

Less of a "Hell, no!" and more of a "Hell, yeah!"

[@HobbesHobbiton]

Thinking of when I was playing a Wild Magic Sorcerer/Warlock who got hired to do a sermon for this magicy god Bahmaut. I was casting dancing lights, rolling performance, when _oops_ prestidigitation goes wiLd! I roll on my sheet, and get "A random creature within 60ft of you has the 'Fly' spell cast on them." My DM then narrates how a little girl in a wheelchair just starts levitating, so I take this opportunity to shout "BEHOLD, THE POWER OF BAHMAUT!" As everyone was filing out of the church, I was naturally passing out pamphlets advertising my warlock patron. "Feel bored with just regular magic? Try having a Patron _today!"_

[@jolynekujobackfromprison744]

Ah yes, Dancing Lights. The spell that freed a Terrasque.

[@kilo35jw]

Wait.....how did you get Bahamut to be a patron? He's a good dragon god.

[@HobbesHobbiton]

@@kilo35jw My patron was Charlie the Unicorn, not Bahamut.

[@Oniphire]

How did it surge in a cantrip?

[@thomastakesatollforthedark2231]

@@kilo35jw gods can be patrons, the best example of that being Asmodeus

[@bobbluered8984]

It's depressing that I've worked with companies whose training videos are somehow more sinister than that of ACTUAL HELL's.

[@potatoboooi5168]

Devils are LAWful evil

[@thomasboys7216]

"PUNY MORTAL, YOUR SOUL NOW BELONGS TO ME!" "Jokes on you - I clicked the "Accept" when I installed Origins on my PC." "...WELL, F***."

[@JRmarksmen]

Jokes on Origin, you and I clicked on accept for are google accounts...

[@DukeOfJam7591]

Jokes on all of you, a water company contractually owns my soul for a case of decent canned water.

[@ryandooley287]

Jokes on you the capitalist economic system already owns all of our souls.

[@DukeOfJam7591]

@@ryandooley287 Damn Corpos

[@camramaster]

This is why noone will own my soul- it's being argued over by the dozen+ shareholders.

[@thatpedanticcommenter5847]

Boomer Devil: "Argh, all these kids these days with their Hazbin Hotels and their Asmodeus MLMs! Back in my day we had to MAKE mortals know we were powerful, we had to make them know we were in charge! None of this sissy business deal crap, no! Hell was GREAT AND TERRIBLE because we made it that way!" Zoomer Devil: "OK, Dante..."

[@kirbyjacobs667]

a

[@evanbaker5813]

I was thinking along the same lines. There is the generation before this where they killed for souls and were evil but now its becoming capitalism incarnate

[@ookazi1000]

Crewmate: Wait, hell is a metaphor for capitalism. The Imposter: Always was.

[@patheronaetherson2860]

@@evanbaker5813 When you think about how *Lawful* *Evil* works, and how it tends to extend to far-reaching political and governmental control over people, *communism* might actually seem like a brand of Lawful Evil that Devils would peddle.

[@nb4749]

Everyone always forgets Gen X. Whatever.

[@Zggy91]

I actually did this with a Old One pact warlock. He was a motivational speaker that taught you to put the “Can in ArCANe”. Phenomenal power, all you need to do is read this pamphlet...

[@ryankunst668]

I should do that. Mines a snake oil salesman who once sold a bunch of hobgoblin dicks as an aphrodisiac. Probably my favorite dnd story.

[@thishonestgrifter]

One time I crashed the British economy by starting a Blockbuster Video rip-off.

[@nightspawnson-of-luna4936]

So basically Odin from Magnus Chase?

[@RabidlyTaboo]

@zhuull1 first taste is free

[@TheJerbol]

I'm curious what an old one from the far realm would put on a pamphlet. Probably just a person gripping their face in existential terror

[@tvdavis]

Still the best employee orientation I’ve ever attended. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@jacobellis2313]

And it didnt take 12 hours

[@billysbooks89]

Warlock: I can't make it to the game tonight. Warlock Patron: Oh shoot we forgot to have you do your orientation didn't we!

[@Elda.Handles]

6:03 Yes. As if that ain't one of the biggest deceptions in this contract. It doesn't say you are free if you find a replacement, it clearly states 'If the contractually bound employee can find a contractually bound replacement for his station, he will not have to fulfill his positions duty any longer' Translated this doesn't release you from your contract. As if anyone who reads those 666000 pages would fall for that

[@bestaround3323]

So basically you create a pyramid scheme?

[@seekerofalice9787]

@@bestaround3323 Nope, all that happens is that their duties are given to a new employee, they just no longer have to continue their job. Doesn't mean their name isn't still in the company books

[@williambarnes5023]

@@seekerofalice9787 Does that mean I still get paid?

[@aaronarch138]

@@seekerofalice9787 confused so you aren't free?

[@kobys5435]

As someone who reads the fine print, I'm upset that the text was copy pasted.

[@barryallen2240]

Same

[@Kinja427]

Same

[@vadaritis]

On one hand i agree. On the other i thought it was a nice touch. Just the thought of the boss forcing an imp to write it before it gives up and hits CTRL+A, CTRL+C, CTRL+V, just males me laugh.

[@Dawsalfin]

Also full of grammatical errors, typos and sentences that say nothing haha

[@King_Nex]

Ben is... frighteningly good at this whole "evil" thing.

[@BocajExcavatus]

This is so close to the training videos to sell life insurance theyre practically indistinguishable

[@PapaPorpoise247]

“Negative body state gains” and “Health depreciation” have to be my favorite phrases XD

[@PSIRockOmega]

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled wasn't convincing the world he didn't exist, but was that upper management actually gave a shit about the hourly workers.

[@paytonjones432]

As military that "contractually motivated" hits a little to close to home

[@jessegitchell8114]

Yup

[@r3dp9]

Ah, the good old Contract. You have an 100% binding obligation, but the country can render rewrite or nullify it at any time, for any reason. Especially right after elections.

[@RavenCoyote]

felt that way also especially after you escape you find they can still call you back whenever they want

[@iannichols2334]

Bruh. Feeling ya.

[@Here_is_Waldo]

@rabidsquirrel73 That's what happens wen enlistment target's teenagers without the life experience to properly read the contract and understand it before signing.

[@rebus_01]

Party: You sold your soul? Warlock: What? The benefits were so good you couldn’t say no!

[@NA-vz9ko]

It’s not like I was using it for anything 🥴

[@luciussvartwulf6630]

i mean, they had dental...

[@Nightenstaff]

You didn't "Sell Your Soul", you invested it!

[@Bluecho4]

"Pass up a chance for health and dental? In THIS economy?"

[@brandonstickels5435]

Seriously. Dental? In this economy? You gotta seize that opportunity

[@controlledchaosgamingdivis4333]

Wep, That settles it. I'm making a Warlock/Bard Teifling who works as a door to door salesman whose only product is selling devil pacts. Sign over your soul and we'll get started.

[@frankwest5388]

*knocks on door* Hello, did you know that you can reduce the life of your mortal enemies by 100% over the time of a second? All it will cost you is the 5 minutes of your time to sign this contract (andsomeotherthingswrittendeepinthiscontracktlikeyoursoul). *guy smacks door in front of my face* “Well there goes the quota for this century.”

[@camramaster]

Slaps an unkeyed tome. "This bad boy can fit so much eldritch blasts on your enemies!"

[@cerouluxray6394]

I'm sitting here, watching this, as someone in sales, I'm left wondering if I've been a warlock all this time

[@Micras08]

Fo sure. Being in sales is pretty much a do-whatever-it-takes-we-don't-care-but-also-don't-offend-anyone-but-sell-all-this-crap-or-we'll-fire-your-ass kind of deal :P Glad I got out

[@airesbattleblade732]

I must say, I love how this portrays Warlocks, I actually play my Tiefling Fiend Warlock like this to an extent, her normal job aside from adventuring is seeking out individuals who are willing to be contractually motivated and pulling fast contracts on them.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

"Now, _Who's ready for the PowerPoint?!?"_

[@tsifirakiehl4250]

PowerPoint?! The ultimate evil!!

[@T3nch1]

"Remember, Devil can be an offensive term. Refer to them as Mortally Challenged."

[@koboldfan3238]

Better than their first attempt to be hip with the ePact and iPact versions to sell your soul online.

[@Rotem_S]

Introducing the AAC Smart Contract™! Sell your soul today for limitless powers and a free WiFi integration!

[@arandomkobold7600]

I see you are a kobold of culture as well

[@bradleymoore2797]

Now you can just use BitPact.

[@kindoflame]

'Negative Body State Gains' is the most business-y term I have ever heard and I love it.

[@Belzerelli]

I just LOVE how Corporate cares for our individual lives. I feel that they really understand what it's like working on the floor. day in a day out we work directly with time-Challenge peoples. It can be really difficult to work with screamers, but having work benefits like the 401K equalization investment among all the others, working here really makes me feel all tingly inside.

[@aaronhumphrey2009]

That's the Attitude that will make you Head Souls Manager in no time ! Unlimited advancement opportunities ! Cash Bonuses ! Guaranteed condo on the picturesque Lake of Fire retirement resort !

[@00Q722]

I appreciate that AAC spells platinum as platnum. Makes them relatable.

[@MonkeyJedi99]

Perhaps 'platnum' is a corporate trademark for something painful and torture-y?

[@daviddaugherty2816]

Asmodeus Investment Firm thanks you for your contribution! Company materials and employee have now been corrected. As thanks for your contribution, we can get you a deal today! How about our two-for-one Sapphire Family Plan for you and your spouse*? *spousal permission not required

[@Pranaynaynay]

"free dental/medical" I've noticed that this is immediately how you know some job parody is made by an American (I say this as an American)

[@johnarcane9915]

I find the idea of a city locked in a propaganda battle between the clerics and warlocks hilarious, under free speech neither can persecute the other but both battle for the power of their patrons and by extension their own. Actually... now that I look at that, the parallels are quite depressing.

[@webbowser8834]

Isn't that basically just Theological Combat in Civilization?

[@Keyce0013]

@@webbowser8834 No it's basically what's going on in the US as we speak.

[@jacobnoelle8428]

That would not happen because the two factions would be trading blood by noon

[@user-ez9ng2rw9c]

@@jacobnoelle8428 But the one that draws first blood will be illegalised.

[@jacobnoelle8428]

@@user-ez9ng2rw9c god damn religious cold wars

[@jennisnix9434]

AAC: don’t be racist Also AAC: use HUMAN flesh

[@commissartrogdor7799]

They said racist not speciest.

[@bigbadbob7070]

Hey, human skin makes some quite fine leather. Elf skin is too thin and tears easily and Dwarven skin is too rough that you can hardly write anything on it. Human skin is juuuuuust right.

[@Kobrag90]

@@bigbadbob7070 And orc skin is usually painted anyway.

[@ZackofSpades]

@@Kobrag90 It's not racist! Spell components are very specific. After all, you can't make a fireball with seagull guano!

[@kaldo_kaldo]

It's just science

[@Cutiejea1]

So is this what Kyubey watched before making contracts with Magical girls?

[@1umbreon4life]

This was so helpful! You realize how little training I got when I sold my soul? They just assumed I would already know everything about dragging an individual to the depths of hell after watching it once. It was way too much pressure 😵

[@chtc88]

I fail to understand what is the difference between this animation and a real-life recruitment video...oh wait! The animation is a work of fiction because it actually gives the chance to be *SUCCESSFUL* in your career! I will see myself out, sorry

[@drystofiscalio7545]

You didn't need to get so real with it bro....

[@terry_the_terrible]

Fun fact: I recently made a Warlock who pledged allegiance to Applekorp the fruit based technomagical demon. It's not sinister or anything, he just has to find a sucker every session and sell him an overpriced IStone™ I guess this is the new corporate training video then.

[@terry_the_terrible]

@ボイス ...he gets 25% off from his own IStones and Lord Supreme God Master Cook has reportedly promised to freeze any employee's testicles or eggs for free. ... He also has an ability called "New IStone Unboxing" which beguiles everyone in a 10ft cube with fey-like presence.

[@andrewhenshaw4067]

Technomagical... I like that word!😄

[@jimsterx2757]

End of video: ‘You can leave anytime as long as you can find someone to take over your position and be contractually motived’. Earlier in the video: ‘Don’t say Enslaved, say Contractually Motivated’ XD Nice one

[@MattFinish]

As someone who once worked for a company like this, this video resonated with me on many levels. Excellent job!

[@iseeyou2787]

Other term for mortals Mortally inclined Bodied Living Other terms for “clients” Clients Workers Helpers “Like Santa’s elves but cooler” Other terms for deceased Tell them they’ll be your Soul buddy Less bodied Mortality challenged (Lie) not dead

[@KaiserAfini]

Some more terms for deceased: Living Impaired Necro Capable Mortality Compliant

[@justjust5580]

underrated

[@MrPF]

Negative Living

[@Ithtorukk]

Mortals: Potential Clients!, Deceased: Former Clients!

[@hugofontes5708]

Satan's elves, got it

[@JstAnotherJesusFreak]

Dude, you’re too good at this. You’re giving me flashbacks to when I was “contractually motivated” at my old job.

[@nathanfriedman7367]

Appreciate the Eye of Sauron and Mount Doom? references in the Asmodeus Investments Firm. Also they care about the "undecided customers"! Making sure the "Mortal No-Nos are kept to a minimum. We really need to improve after last quarter, guys. We had a 5% loss of "contractually obligated" customers due to these incidents, people. I'm looking at you, Larry. You really need to get your heart-ripping addiction under control, or we may have to let you go. (We're going to erase you from existence, Larry.)

[@wardedthorn6523]

"Contractually motivated" had me dying

[@commonviewer2488]

Fun Fact: every devil is a certified lawyer

[@henreymichelson]

I want to say something agents this but dnd devils can definitely represent in court

[@AspenBrightsoul]

Ya that's over but we still have like 2 hours of Osha videos to go through.

[@curtisfranzen986]

Starting other associates on fire is frowned upon.

[@tenzhitihsien888]

The inconsistent pronunciation of Asmodeus is, I'm assuming, a carefully constructed torture.

[@waluigisgrandproductions4230]

Can't wait to be a mult-level marketing warlock employee. *Convince just 3 others to join your downline, and you too can be an independent, successful soul-stealer!*

[@quetzalcoatl974]

Flashbacks to my first job and how they lied to us right in the face

[@elpaublo3420]

I like to imagine this is how warlocks make their pacts in a modern D&D setting.

[@zwojack7285]

"Dont say enslaved, say contractually motivated" oh look, its the average american worker

[@sha2143]

Ah yes, because being obligated by the government, meaning at the end of a gun, is sooo much better.

[@aaronhumphrey2009]

Imagine an Imp ' handler ' , constantly nudging and prompting mortals to work harder, faster, and climb that " ladder of success.." 🤔👺🔥

[@aliasofgray2854]

@@sha2143 what are you, an an-cap?

[@sha2143]

@@aliasofgray2854 In a sense. I believe there will be a time for that, but we're not there yet technologically. I think government should consist of the absolute minimum. Everything the government does by interacting in the markets acts against the interest of the people, and in the favor the select few it benefits.

[@aliasofgray2854]

@@sha2143 bc capitalism totally doesn't do that

[@nathanjohnson6910]

“Time Challenged people” I’m dying.

[@steveaustin2686]

Contractually movitated got me as well as negative body state gains. LOL

[@skittlemenow]

Well this is the most believable version of Hell I've ever seen.

[@whatbreaksthesilence8508]

IDK why, ever since I came across Asmodeus, I always thought that he is the Corporate Overlord type

[@tiaxanderson9725]

4:38 Demons: "Racism is NOT okay!" *Humanity left the chat*

[@mrscechy8625]

Grrrrrr they're devils not demons. There's a big difference >:[

[@bestaround3323]

@@mrscechy8625 Ehh, Demon, Devils, Fey, same difference

[@kaironst2969]

@@bestaround3323 fey left the chat

[@Ubersupersloth]

4:42 You'd think Elf souls would be worth more because they reincarnate over and over again and so probably have way more life experience or whatever it is in souls that devils like.

[@fairystail1]

nah dude, we just turn them into lava lamps. Sure different souls have different colours but when you get as many souls as we do you can always find a buyer.

[@jamesmerkel1932]

Meh, I don't fall for that vegan soul diet crap.

[@sagecolvard9644]

Canonically, the only thing Devils value in souls is ambition. Because of this, Human and Dragon souls are the most prized.

[@arandomkobold7600]

I'd like to file a complaint on my contract. I don't remember it saying that i have the head of a goat now

[@Suvarestin]

It was in the fine print that can only be read during full moons.

[@Ryu_D]

@@Suvarestin Darn full moon fine print. You go out of your way to read the new moon fine print, and they catch you off guard with the time limit to accept, meaning that you can't read the full moon fine print, so you're screwed over no matter what you do. Great idea! Thanks for the tip, boss. I'm totally gonna sneak that into my next devils contract. XP

[@Nathan-qp9uv]

@@Ryu_D and this is why you don't let the devil write the actual contract, and specify in the contract that only the parts you wrote count.... and further clarify only what you wrote of your own free will and not under threat... and then make sure to note its only what you wrote on that specific piece of paper and in the order you wrote it read left to right and then each line in order. poor George the contractually motivated warlock in HR learned that last one the hard way he went to the trouble of rewriting his potential contract 100 times to get the perfect terms ready before the summoning and then the devil cherry picked terms from all 100 drafts and a random self-insert fanfic George wrote to make an agreement that best suited it.

[@JM-mh1pp]

It was in addendum to a addendum under special rules, section 3a paragraph 7b subsection 34 with a hyperlink to SOP book page 423. Seriously guys do you even read your contracts?

[@arandomkobold7600]

You people said a lot of things and thats great for business but why can't help me return my head to the mantis head I used to have?

[@johnnysizemore5797]

If they have "Casual Fridays" i'm sold....

[@JM-mh1pp]

In hell every day is casual friday...CAUSE THERE IS NO WEEKEND!!!

[@endy7630]

"It's Life-Losing Time!"

[@kierstinluedtke7759]

I worked for an insurance company for a month. This was eerily close to the orientation.

[@e.turduckeny630]

Same. Orientation was this amazing tour of facilities, amenities, fancy cafeteria, etc. Literally made the joke to another trainee, "So, how much does it suck to work here that they have to have all this stuff?" They call me prophet now.

[@Unbid581]

This has got to be one of the best videos you've ever made

[@segevstormlord3713]

Is the "index" a mechanical thing from a Warlock Invocation that I'm unfamiliar with? Or made up for this video? (Entertaining either way, but the vulnerability there seems ... more problematic than usual.) Also, would your index be a certain magical one? ::ducks and runs::

[@whiterabbit75]

I saw what you did there... the police are on the way.

[@dorca9308]

No, but you could use pact of the tome for soul book

[@segevstormlord3713]

@@dorca9308 Hm... Ledger Of Souls Prerequisite: Pact of the Tome, Book of Secrets If you can get a living creature to sign its name or make its mark in your Book of Shadows, your Patron gains a claim on their afterlife. Whether this is exclusive or merely an influence varies by Patron (and is up to your DM), but the consequences are real, if delayed. Anything you write as an agreed-upon service you will perform for them in return for this, you are under a _geas_ to complete. In return, you may add any Ritual of up to the signee's CR or character level to your book.

[@williamwontiam3166]

Made up, though they do have mechanical benefits for the name thing in TaCoE.

[@the_last_ballad]

@@segevstormlord3713 ohh, I want. I have a character idea that basically uses this, but without mechanical implementation. My idea was for her to be a celestial warlock of Asmodeus (yeah he is a devil, but he was an angel and he is the master of lies. Giving someone healing powers to trick people into thinking this warlock has better intentions than they do seems up his alley) who asks people who she saved to sign their name as her patron required her to save 100 lives in return for saving hers. But I like your idea better

[@InstigationFixation]

This went on way longer than I thought it would. I love it.

[@somethinguncreative2634]

This is not only a wonderfull character idea, but also a great satire of cooperations.

[@zackkelley2940]

satire because no real company would give dental, a pension, and paid time off^^ Everything else was spot on

[@skyblade7438]

This is what we get for calling the demons mortally challenged.

[@catalythp6293]

This sounds like a pretty good Multiclass “mentor” NPC (or PC if that’s the way you’re playing)

[@pennylowes6389]

All right here's an idea. The AAC came to a warlock one day tired because they were unable to land a transaction all month, the Warlock to be comments on this. The AAC representative had an idea. They try to do their job. So they gave them a copy of the index and told them to try it. If they can make [ insert DM chosen amount here] deals in a [ insert DM time here] using this they can leave the contract for free and keep the benefits. But the demon keeps all the souls that they gain. They would become a pact of the Tome Warlock mostly focusing on convincing people to make deals

[@jarg_64]

Demon: what do you want in exchange for your soul? Me: I want money, power, women, s*X, status and glory. The finer things in life. Demon: look I can do a lot for a soul but I am no miracle worker, your soul isn’t worth anything near that much. Me: ok so what about for a ham and cheese sandwich? Demon: nope that’s still asking for too much. Me: :(

[@JohnFireBlade12]

Ill take your soul if you give ME a ham sandwich

[@abnegazher]

Offer a barbecue sauce sandwich. It works with Planetary Governors.

[@hossdelgado626]

Half a ham and cheese sandwich?

[@steveaustin2686]

The sandwich made me think of this tumblr thread. www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/8c0z45/angels_demons_and_sandwiches_the_complete_saga/

[@Heyjakobbrown]

You never fail to entertain. Thanks man. Keep up the good work. It is literally the highlight of my day when I see a new video from you

[@camilob.8683]

YES ANOTHER ANIMATED VID those were m favorites so when he stopped with them I was sad but now theres a new one!

[@DXDragon38]

"Health Depreciation " But wait.... I've seen this on a contract before.

[@Closer2Zero]

God this makes me want to give my Lawful Evil Noble Warlock another try. i had to leave that game cause my group was a bunch of cult-y assholes groveling at the DM's feet like he was jesus im not kidding

[@FarothFuin]

But hear me out: -devil pact warlock whos a videogame developer and make an app for phones so people have to read a loooooong terms and conditions to play and hidden in that text is the 'gave your eternal soul to asmodeus' so there hundreds of souls! What do you mean videogame companies already do that? Bethesda do what now? Nintendo?

[@GreatCezar1]

I think one company in they terms of use of thier game as a joke write that you sold your soul to them. As a joke.... I dont remember wich game was that but tho..

[@unsuspiciousdweller8967]

@@GreatCezar1 I remember the court of their country made an official ruling on that, too. If the soul was not real, it would not be a proper transaction due to the seller not receiving payment, and if the soul were real, it would be classed as part of the human body, and thus protected by organ trafficking laws.

[@raf12171]

i remember reading a short story about that where hero made it for joke but it turned out true. With a whole twist where protagonist has to trick a fine print reader so he dont realize that his souls is eternally sold to printer, i had too much fun reading that

[@LuneWatcher]

The TV show Legends of Tomorrow did that, a devil hiding a contract in a long Terms of Service thing for an app.

[@mhDarkWolf]

"Let's get out there and turn those Hell No's into Hell Yea's!"

[@sqoody7invegas625]

This video is one of greatest DND themed KZbin videos of all time

[@Fanglord321]

Good video

[@AA-bj5bb]

YOU COMMENTED FIRST, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW

[@Fanglord321]

All of Ben's videos are good videos

[@hamzahsajjad7952]

@@AA-bj5bb it's hard to argue with his assessment

[@toelintetch635]

hahaha "Contractually Motivated" made me lose my shit

[@scttlewis02]

This is too close to the actual thing, it scares me

[@charlebrownga]

Sign in blood on the dotted line

[@scttlewis02]

@ボイス that is true, devil's tend to be honest to actual lawyers

[@xanderman1201]

This is the most creative way I've ever seen someone summarize the Devil lore in Dnd.

[@mememachine3963]

Y'know, this place sounds kinda nice they have dental, paid off time, long vacations, and you only need social skills

[@chadbrochill19]

Establish a new brand, less old Hell and ,more like "Hell, yeah!" -- Great vid Puffin!

[@chriszhang5241]

Where finance means fun ‘vietnam flashbacks intensify’

[@jim8o876]

“James dean” was first so everyone knows

[@jonathanolsgaard599]

are sure... about that? ; )

[@zinogr3gaming903]

@@jonathanolsgaard599 sort by newest and go to the bottom

[@Undomaranel]

Paganini would like a word with you, but he's likely a little tied up at the moment.

[@Dalipsingh111111]

Me: "Hello Asmodeus! I would like to offer you a deal!" Asmodeus: "A deal you say? I guess its deamonic power you are looking for?" Me: "Exactly! I want Hellfire magic! Like, everything you can give me! Fire Breath, Hellfire Ball, Flame Armour, Phoenix Blast, Flame Erruption, Firery Soul...." Asmodeus: "Ah! A pyromant! Your kind is always welcome in these realms. Well, so much power might cost more than your single soul is worth, young elven!" Me: "Nonono. Im not gonna pay with my soul for this! Im not like a regular customer. As i said, i want to offer you a deal!" Asmodeus: "And what is this deal about? Stop wasting my time!" Me: "Chill out! You´re immortal anyway. So, im not gonna pay with my soul, but rather will make other people give you their soul for me!" Asmodeus: "HA! HA! HA! And how, silly mortal do you think you will do that? You are no king! You have no one underneath you you can just throw at me!" Me: "Subscriptions!" Asmodeus: "Su-... subscrip what?" Me: "Subscriptions! I will make conrtacts with people, in your name, to grant them the great powers of hell for the duration of their subscription! Like this: For only 1% of their Soul per month they can get demon wings to fly with!" Asmodeus: "Uhhh......." Me: "Better ones, like Hellfire Ball or Darkness for nothing more than 2% each month! And the really good ones, just give them some scrappy ones idontcare, for only 5% each month per abylity! Giving them a blast of a time and feel like living gods! Become the heroes of their town! They can quit instantly by just telling you to, and as long as they dont give away more than 51% of their soul, it still belongs to them and nothing changes!" Asmodeus: "That...... would leave me with nothing you fool! Are you trying to mess with me?! I will send you to Hell 3 of the 9 Hells! Its the worst Hell of them, i guarantee you that!!!" Me: "Sure thing! And when they notice that they have spent 49% of their soul, they will notice a few things....." Asmodeus: "And what might those be?" Me: "3 month period of notice to quit. 10% Fee when ending the contract. 25% Fee when destroying the paper the contract is written on, not neccessarily destroyed by themselves *wink*. Also, when someone dies and you already have a share of their soul, it might be a lot easier to get a hold of them when its about where their souls go... up or down!" Asmodeus: ".......Succubus, bring some wine for me and my friend!" Me: "Cheers!..... So, about that Flame Armour......"

[@Zogger568]

My favorite portrayal of Hell is as a corporate office place, with Kafka levels of paperwork needed for even the smallest thing.