DITL with a baby and toddler | new schedules + motherhood regrets?

[@BethGraceMoore]

Thanks for letting me process my emotions in real time hahaha love you guys 🤍 I'm SO excited to hang with all of you at my live on the 17th - reminder to download Whatnot in advance so you don't miss out! If you use this link you'll also get $15 towards the items I'm selling on Friday. You're gonna love them!! www.whatnot.com/invite/bethgracemoore If you have any questions you want me to answer during the live drop them down below 🥰

[@Ava-sd5cw]

So happy you share your thoughts on baby sleep. I’m from the Netherlands (so my English isn’t perfect) and here is the same conviction that babies should sleep independently from such a young age. But also studies show what effect cry it out has on the mental health and development. When you just close the door behind you for the rest of the night, put in earplugs and just let them cry it out, they will develop wrong convictions that they are all alone, nobody is there for them etc. which can cause anxiety, fears, lack of confidence, nightmares in later ages. Babies DO need you and a lot of love and help with sleeping, because that’s nature. When we lived in the wild we would never leave our baby alone, because that was just not safe because they are so vulnerable. In other cultures whole families sleep together. It is most important to teach your baby that it is loved and safe and mommy and daddy are always there for them. Then independent sleeping will come naturally, because they feel safe and know that mommy and daddy are always there to help. Ofcourse you want a baby that sleeps well and you want your own sleep back, because it is HARD, but they are so vulnerable and just need your love and support, they can’t do it on there own YET.

[@lekasa1508]

I absolutely agree with what you said! Very well put!

[@literarymary4933]

I’m so happy to hear you publicly talk about attachment over independence for babies 🥹💕 this is so, so important.

[@annar6012]

I actually never comment on videos but I want to let you know that your intuition is completely right!! In Germany we have an opposite movement to the „independent baby“. Babys are not meant to be independent. Science shows that Baby’s NEED the comfort from their parents to develop healthy and happy. Especially when it comes to sleep… what we interpret as „the baby is comforting itself“ (when it stops crying) is more like a survival instinct cos the baby learns that no one will come and help anyway. And this causes a lot unnecessary stress for the baby. It is such a short period in life where our children really need us. We should embrace this time and bond as much as possible with our kids. So they can develop safe and happy and focus on discovering the world, always knowing that their basic needs are covered. 🙌🏼

[@heididaniels4971]

I would love for you to do a more in-depth video on baby sleep/naps, differences between your babies and your approach, ages you started things, the environment you create for sleep, etc, and all your reasons behind your choices! Currently have a 6 month old and STRUGGLING 😩 I want to do things differently with any future babies, but I don’t know what or how to achieve that

[@natalieprado4305]

It’s refreshing to see you look at things differently when it comes to baby attachment. I think the greatest gift we can give our children is to be there for them when they need us, especially at night when they feel scared and alone. If you dig deep enough you will learn that there is no such thing as “self soothing”. Trust your instincts ! And congratulations on doing such a wonderful job in raising your two gorgeous babies, you are a wonderful mama ❤️

[@nicolelemos5056]

Very relatable thoughts! And it’s such a game changer for not feeling overwhelmed by all the things that constantly need to be done! You can never get time with your kids back, but you will get a clean house back again one day.

[@thekatiegracie]

Love this video. Going to share my thoughts on NA baby sleep from a convo I had with a friend recently. One of the reasons that "independent babies" is the main message for moms in NA is that moms in the US get a 6 week mat leave, longer if they're lucky. There's a much greater need for everyone to be sleeping through the night, self soothing, and daytime naps in cribs when you're returning to work so early in your babies life and they're in day care. I think this has permeated Canadian culture because we consume so much US content and media even though our mat leave is much more generous. I'm European countries and other parts of the world where there are longer leave options for both parents, sleep training and independence aren't as important because parents are able to be around for their kids until they're 12-18 months.

[@BethGraceMoore]

This makes so much sense and also makes me so sad. 😭 companies need to do better w/ compensation - shouldn’t be the standard that mums and their babies lose out on connection for the sake of returning to work.

[@shayrasmussen2333]

This is so true, I was a manager and went on my maternity leave. Not only did I still get phone calls asking where things were or how to handle certain situations but they denied my 12 week leave and I got 10 weeks instead, 6 weeks healing, 2 weeks vacation and 2 weeks that they called “baby bonding time” so when my baby was 10 weeks old they wanted me to come back and work 6 days a week, 50+ hours each week. I quit and never went back from my maternity leave and never have regretted it.

[@yarazard]

Your thoughts on sleeping are exactly the same as mine after my second

[@thayerwilliams905]

I definitely related to your talk about the pressure to have independent sleeping babies, and how weird that concept is because at that age they literally have to be dependent on you. We had soooo much well intentioned judgement on our parenting choices with our sons sleep - and still do at 4 ys old. The back story to this is his dad and I both have lifelong insomnia, and I've had lifelong chronic nightmares. It was incredibly important to me that we do whatever it took to break that cycle and set our son up with the best chance of being a fantastic lifelong sleeper. And he inherited his dad's sleep schedule and my nightmare problem. And as a kid my mom was told by everyone to let me cry it out at night because coming in to check too much or laying with me til I fell asleep was going to spoil me, and meant I was in charge instead of her. So she took the advice since everyone was saying the same things. And I have hundreds of memories of feeling alone and scared and neglected, and eventually concluding that I wasn't fully loved. It felt like love was conditional, and only for when I was being "good". And at nighttime, I must be bad. This was never told to me, it's how I made sense of what didn't make sense to me as a young child. And I was very adamant I wasn't going to make that mistake. So we did the very controversial approach of deciding to not do cry it out or any other kind of sleep training, and do bedtime cuddles until he was old enough to decide he didn't need them anymore. And the stress and guilt I felt every time someone we knew wanted to argue against that approach was unreal. But I stand by our decision. And at 4, he's starting to think about going to sleep on his own. I think it's going to happen soon. He recently started trying to calm himself down and go back to sleep without calling us for help. The other day he woke up twice during the night, and put himself back to sleep both times. Snd when I woke him up for breakfast and realized he succeeded he sat up so excited and yells "I did it mama! I went back to sleep all by myself!" He was SO proud. He used to have the hardest time falling asleep. Any tiny thing was a distraction he couldn't handle. It would take forever. Now he's asleep in less than 10 minute, regularly. He's a natural morning person, in the extreme and stopped being willing to do naps at 18 months old. He goes to bed early. Super early for most people. But we spent 2 years trying to do the more traditional time schedule and all of us were miserable. The day we said, ok, time to try it his way, we have never slept better. He's asleep between 6:30 and 7pm now, and up at 5am. When he was younger he'd be doing bedtime snuggles by 5pm. All our friends and family were upset because it limited how many family get together we did. But he would be MISERABLE if we pushed him to stay up. We decided on the next kid we're going to ignore people sooner. Each human is unique, even as a baby ,toddler or preschooler. We don't become unique as adults. We had a very unique kid last time around. The next one might be more flexible. But our job isn't to change what's unique in him. It's to be his advocates and help him maximize what he already has to be his best self. Including his bodies naturalvery inflexible, sleep preferences. My best friend has 3 kids, who all share a bedroom. I don't understand that any more than she understands our decision to have the second kid have their own bedroom. My mom doesn't understand why at 4 he still gets cuddles because he's "too old to need them". She also disagrees with us getting him a full size bed so we can do the cuddles. She says she didn't get a full size bed til she was married, like it's scandalous or something. And we're just like, what we're doing is working for our family. And we're not changing what's working. The people who get upset we don't go to their annual memorial day party that starts at 6, because his bedtime right now is 6:30, same thing. "I'm sorry you're unhappy with our decision, but going sets him up for failure, and it takes days to get him back regulated. It's not worth it at this age. He has plenty of years left to go to this when he's able to go to sleep later, and be fine". And they say well our kids are fine, it's never bothered them. And we say, that's great. But our kid is a different person. Just your 2 kids are different from each other. And, as an added bonus, I don't think I'm ever going to regret these 4 years of bedtime snuggles. I love those memories.

[@literarymary4933]

Thank you so much for sharing your story 💗 I have never let my daughter cry one time. It’s been so challenging in moments, but I don’t regret it for a second. She started sleeping through the night no problem at 4 months, but when she’s sick or teething, she knows I’m there, and she goes right back down when I hold her (unless she’s really in pain). I never ever want her to feel that she is loved conditionally. Again; thank you so much for sharing all of this!! Xoxo

[@thayerwilliams905]

@@literarymary4933 thank you for responding! We also decided to be very quick to respond to him when he was upset- and again we were surprised by how many people thought that was weird! My view on humanity as a whole has changed a lot since becoming a parent, because I just can't see or hear these things in the same way anymore! And we noticed he knew he responded quickly, starting super young. He'd do a 1 or 2 cry breath sound and then wait. Because even at 4 months old he knew he didn't need to do more! I distinctly remember being in the waiting room at the Dr's when he was maybe 9 or 10 months old, and looking at the kid screaming and melting down next to us, the baby on the other side who sounded super sick and congested and was crying in between coughing fits, and MY kid looks at them, then looks at me, and I've never in my life seen someone wear their thoughts so clearly on their face. And he was just so confused by these crying kids that he thought they were broken somehow, like a toy that didn't work right. I don't think I'm explaining it well, but it was priceless and I took a picture and sent it to his dad and said this is the face he's making at the crying kids next to us. To this day it's one of our favorite pictures because it's hilarious, but it also made us realize how different he was in general to other kids his age. He's our first so I guess we didn't realize how calm he really was. But we 100% believe it's because he was completely confident that he didn't need to cry to get his needs met. And he's 4 now, and still the happiest, calmest kid in our friend group, by far. I really really value hearing other parents talk about how intentional they are with their kids when they're super little. I think so many parents think these early years are throwaway years and they aren't. Our kids are learning immediately when they're born, wether we realize we're teaching them or not.

[@BethGraceMoore]

Oh my goodness, thank you for sharing your story!! There’s a book that I think you’d really like called “Mother Hunger” - speaks to a lot of these experiences and the way that they can shape us even as babies… it was a super eye opening read for me. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job raising your boy - parenting with so much selflessness, love and intentionality ❤️ he’s blessed to have you as his mama!

[@thayerwilliams905]

@Beth Grace Moore I will definitely look into reading that! Thank you. 😊 I did want to say he's a normal 4 y old in a lot of ways. He has his times where he has meltdowns, or is in a bad mood. Bedtime snuggles didn't magically erase that. He's still a human being with good and bad days. But overall, I think his attitude and behavior is much more cheerful and easy going than most his age, and definitely more so than I think it would have been if we'd made different choices. I just wanted to specify he's still a normal human being with good and bad days.😅

[@ericagoehring1089]

I have 5 kids ages 17 down to 6. We have always practiced attachment parenting and used nursing as an important tool for connection. I have found that building a tight attachment actually creates MORE independent children. When a kids know they have a solid, reliable place to fall (you!), they feel secure and are more willing to step out and try new things. You are doing great! 💕

[@hayleyblake3311]

Feel completely the same about independence vs attachment with my second baby. Approaching things so differently with less guilt and more acceptance over what’s normal and natural for babies. Takes the pressure off and makes the newborn time even sweeter.

[@BethGraceMoore]

Totally agree with you! You never get those newborn days back and I wish I could go back and tell myself the first time around to enjoy it, guilt-free ❤️ grateful that I’ve been able to adjust my approach the second time around

[@juliahurley8224]

I looove to hear you speak out about connection/attachment vs cry it out… very brave of you to talk about your change of heart! I think this is so so important and not talked about enough. Thank you for starting this conversation.❤

[@mariyanazarchuk3346]

Your motherhood regrets really hit the spot with me! My daughter is 19 months old and I also had her in her room from 4 months, did gentle sleep training, and felt like she had to be independent, and now thinking about my next I know I want to do something’s differently as well:( but I totally agree that this narrative is being pushed sooo much right now (independent babies) you’re the first person I have really heard talk about this and it really summed up my thoughts as well because I haven’t necessarily sat down and thought this through but hearing you summed up what I think as well.

[@BethGraceMoore]

Our stories/experiences sound so similar! It’s so tough because you want to do right by your child and it’s hard to decipher what that is with all the messaging around baby sleep these days… following your intuition really is the way to go!

[@emiliemercier8578]

I have two and have had very different experiences with sleep with the two of them. We went through a rough patch for a couple months with my first but she has been sleeping great ever since. When the sleep regression hit with my second, it was terrible. He would not sleep unless he was on us. We didn't know what to do but we listened to our gut and didn't do any sleep training. As it turned out, he had terrible silent reflux from food allergies but we didn't find out until he started showing more severe symptoms. Thank god we didn't try to sleep train, he was in so much pain! Anyway, my advice would be to trust your gut. There may be a reason why your baby is not sleeping so don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with!

[@93Wolb]

We nursed our daughter to sleep for the first 14 months and she woke up every 2 hours until one day we switched her to her own room and like magic she slept through the night no feedings no issues. It will not ruin you for the future- no sleep training needed!!

[@MedeaDemai]

7:25 so true! We have to be continuously reminded of that🥺 thank you for sharing!

[@CaraJane]

I LOVED hearing your thoughts on independent babies! My 1st and 2nd baby's sleep habits were completely different from each other so things I thought I "believed" the first time around have totally changed the second time just because this baby's needs from me were different! Anyway, this vlog was great! And your fireplace is beautiful :)

[@ht4810]

Great video! We have three older kids (12-17) and a sweet caboose blessing who just turned 1 this month. It's amazing how much more relaxed we are as parents this time around. Not so worried about the “shoulds” and people’s opinions but rather just treasuring these baby days now that we know how fast it goes! Our pediatrician told me at the end of every visit the first several months to just hold her and enjoy her. So freeing to not feel the pressure to train her perfectly and make her be independent, as you said. She puts herself to sleep great but she can also still fall asleep on me which I love! Those moments to slow down and breathe her in and stare at that perfect little face. Such a gift from God!

[@Dr.Nellah]

As a FTM myself I couldn’t agree more with what you were talking about on the independence etc. i am also processing through these things but you’re making so much sense.

[@bekahstairs]

Our daughter fed at least once in the night until she was 8 months, and sleeps wonderfully now! You're doing so great!

[@virginiamurphy4288]

I totally agree with you on the comfort nursing! I make sure they don’t go too long without eating but go by their cues also. I feel like God made nursing for so many reasons for mama and baby. I did this with my toddler and she sleeps independent now just fine. I know all kids are different..but maybe that will be comforting to you! At the end of the day everyone’s mama intuition is there.

[@taaibahali3641]

i found ur channel a couple weeks ago and im already finding myself finding comfort in your channel and family. xx

[@BethGraceMoore]

🥺so happy you're here

[@livelaughlove000]

Thank you for this video, truly. I'm struggling so hard with getting independant sleep to happen for my baby who is now 10 weeks old. I definitely feel a lot of pressure as a FTM and feel as if I'm doing something wrong if he wakes up often. I do agree that I need to slow down and enjoy the snuggles. But boy does social media push sleep training so hard. I like hearing this perspective.

[@BethGraceMoore]

It’s so so hard to see it all and feel like something is wrong, especially when all you want is to do right by your baby. But responding to your baby IS right - it’s just a season and sleep will come! 🤍

[@cassiewolfe1175]

Love to hear where the Lord is leading you on a more attachment parenting Beth. I'm right there with you ❤

[@moni3843]

Thank you so much for this video. I am a FTM. For the past week, my baby was waking multiple times through out the night. I tried so many things but he only needed me. I was so worried. I thought i was doing something wrong. But your video made me happy❤😀😀

[@BethGraceMoore]

You are doing a great job - totally normal that your baby needs you. It’s a beautiful thing and it’s all just a season! ❤️

[@moni3843]

@@BethGraceMoore ❤️❤️❤️

[@springmore]

I bought the Tineco after you talked about it and it is seriously a game changer. We use it after every meal in the kitchen every day and then all over the house about once a week. It does require a bit of maintenance, but I’ve found that if I clean the roller with dish soap and then spray it with vinegar and let it fully air dry I only have to do it once a week. Same goes for the filter! But I run the clean cycle and dump the canister after every use.

[@BethGraceMoore]

Yay, so glad you love it! That’s a great tip too - going to try that as well!

[@taraleasure]

I love what you shared about attachment over independence. I actually don’t like it when people ask if my daughter is a “good baby” because that implies that there’s such a thing as a “bad baby,” and like you said, it’s always based off how well they sleep. Thankfully she has always been a great sleeper and fairly independent, but that’s not everyone’s experience. She’s almost 6 months and we just started sleeping through the night because of slow weight gain most of her life, and we’re about to start the process of transitioning her to her own room. Independence is important, but not at the expense of having a secure, strong attachment and with your baby.

[@lekasa1508]

I’m a first time mom with a 4.5 month old. I was very stressed and confused in the beginning, especially with all the Instagram “advice” of how to do things with a baby. I constantly changed my approach because there are just so many ways of doing things and opinions out there that I tried to follow but it drove me crazy and both me and my baby were super frustrated at times. I finally landed on just trusting my mother’s intuition and leaning on Holy Spirit as my guide and helper! This doesn’t mean it’s easy and that we don’t have hard moments but I have this deep peace in doing what I know is right for my family. Because every baby is just so different, of course there is a million ways of doing things. But this is why God gave us Holy Spirit as a helper, as well as wisdom and mothers intuition. All that to say I take every “advice” I get with a load of salt lol. I do believe it’s important to do research and learn where you can but never do anything you don’t have peace with and that goes against your conscience. Even if it’s not the popular opinion.

[@jasmynsreality]

My mother in law is team cry it out and I am not a fan. I am so glad you talk about it being normal nurturing your child when they need you. Love form Orlando

[@scarlettb562]

Such lovely thoughts on attachment and bonding with baby. FTM here of a 12 month old who is still napping on me, co sleeping (waking multiple times still). We’re just generally loving on him as much as possible while he’s little. There’s time for independence in my opinion. We’re in the UK where I do find all of this (especially bed sharing) is much more socially acceptable.

[@kaylalacaille1039]

I always let my house cleaning wait since my kids aren't little for long I enjoy my time with them and never think once that I need to do laundry or anything else since I do that all when they go to sleep. I usually don't do laundry until the weekends and dishes at night when everyone's sleeping and sweep once maybe.. and clean the floor never hahaha since it's always messy so whatever it is what it is.

[@Mindaaayroxs]

I have a 1 year old son and another baby boy due in July and I'm totally feeling this. I keep telling my boyfriend, "I don't have to feel guilty about putting our newborn down so much or holding him 24/7 (which I LOVE to do), but I know it's going to be hard juggling 2 under 2. I'm not saying I'm not going to give attention to my newborn, but I shouldn't feel bad about giving both babes space when they need it.

[@PaigeWatts]

My daughter just turned 12m and our baby boy is due in just three short weeks. After returning from a vacation three weeks ago we’ve had the flu, two new teeth and sleep disruption from learning to walk, it’s been tough. All my daughter wants in the nights is to come into bed with me where she’ll sleep soundly for the rest of the night. I obviously responded to her needs, and gladly, but I did fight it for almost a week and found myself dreading nighttime and getting upset. The Lord revealed to me that these are the last few weeks I get alone with my sweet daughter, and she needs me. Comforting her to sleep, rocking for hours a night and sleeping with her has been physically exhausting at 36w pregnant, BUT last night she slept in her crib all night without making a peep. I was up multiple times a night waiting for her to wake, missing her being with me. It’s been an entire perspective change for me these past few days.

[@FrankieWhite]

The way you parent with 2 under 2 gives me a lot of hope for the future 💕 My content with 2 would be way more chaotic than this 🫠

[@BethGraceMoore]

This is so kind - thank you so much ❤️

[@tinleyguthrie3533]

Congratulations on 33k

[@Cbm1842]

Our firsts are the same age and when I first watched your 2 month baby update saying Viv was sleeping through the night I felt like I was doing something wrong bc I was doing all the same things and he was still waking. But all babies are so different! I’ve learned that my son is just not a good sleeper and I could’ve (and did) try a million different methods and the result would’ve still been the same. You shouldn’t regret the way you taught Viv to sleep bc it worked for her and for you at the time 💕 The same method might not work for Jude and it might not be bc you’re less strict, its just cause he’s a totally different baby! You know what your babies need and there is no one size fits all! :)

[@nicolelemos5056]

Same on the sugar note…..two under two here! Just must be the phase of life LOL

[@هند-و7ك]

Can you share your eyeliner and mascara link you’re wearing?

[@BethGraceMoore]

This is the mascara :) rstyle.me/+hB5jdv3ND5AIAb2ieYeGOw and eyeliner is Mabelline Hyper Easy!

[@ambermum21]

Where did you get that bassinet? It’s beautiful!

[@LoveeLizaa]

I’m a FTM and my son is going to be 5 months in a week and a half. He sleeps by himself and doesn’t like to sleep in our arms anymore. It makes me sad because in the beginning he couldn’t sleep without us and being sleep deprived it was rough but then one day he slept on me for the last time and I didn’t know it and now I miss it 🥺 I wish I would’ve cherished those moments more

[@lly5054]

My son still needs to sleep right next to me. He’s 3 month old now. Do you use a sound machine?

[@LoveeLizaa]

@@lly5054 yes! We’ve used a sound machine since he came home from the hospital. Definitely recommend!

[@mckennatooke8455]

Love the 75 medium lol

[@nicoleparadis8127]

Great video!! Curious how you navigate screen time, or if you give any, for Vivi?

[@BethGraceMoore]

It's not a daily ritual for us right now but I'm also totally fine with using it when I need to -- I'd say she sees about 15-30 mins of a few select shows per day, if any, and then around 45-60 mins on Friday and Saturday's!

[@shannonkaras-jobin3549]

What do you use to clean with the Tineco? I want to get something safer since my baby is now crawling on all the floors!

[@BethGraceMoore]

It comes with a cleaning solution but I also use a natural floor cleaner sometimes too!

[@tahlia4189]

Beth, let me remind you that you're such a beautiful, loving, kind, caring and incredibly amazing Mumma! Praying for the abundance of God's favour and immense blessing upon you in this precious season of life that you are in! These seasons don't last forever... believing for a supernatural move of the Holy Spirit. Love and appreciate you more than you will ever know, my lovely friend 🤍 X

[@BethGraceMoore]

You are so so sweet, thank you so much 🥺❤️

[@danielat4299]

Beth did you ever use the baby breeza?

[@BethGraceMoore]

I haven't tried it! We formula fed our first for the final 3 months until 1, so it wasn't worth it to me for such a short timeframe. Can totally see why it'd be convenient though!!

[@danielat4299]

@@BethGraceMoore thank you for answering 🙏🏻 I just watched your video on your breastfeeding experience and it put me at ease. First time mom here 36 weeks pregnant! Planning to breast feed but also considering alternatives if it doesn’t go as planned.

[@TVVSMF]

How does Jude nap more than 30 min on his own? Did you do any sort of sleep training?

[@TVVSMF]

Lol never mind, you literally talked about it later in the video! Thank you!