Divorces in Japan. Foreigners with Japanese spouses.

Quick topic while picking up some cafe stuff. I find this topic to be something everyone could shed some light on.
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#japanese #kominka #akiya #emptyhouse #ruraljapan #inaka #japanesecountryside #abandonedhouses #farminginjapan #cafejapan.
Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated.
www.buymeacoffee.com/realrura...

[@RealRuralJapan]

Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated. www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan

[@julienlamberto9857]

This happened to me. My wife is Japanese and she’s estranged me from our son. I’m not claiming to be perfect in our marriage, but estranging a child from their father is so low.

[@RealRuralJapan]

I feel for you man.

[@roythousand13]

Julien Lamberto, please share your story with other foreign men who are thinking about marrying a Japanese woman. I think most foreign men who are seeking Japanese wives are ignorant about this issue.

[@MorningNapalm]

That just shouldn't be legal.

[@julienlamberto9857]

@@roythousand13 I’ve thought about it… but there is the fear of being judged for a failed marriage… but I guess if I can help people avoid this tragic situation it would be worth it

[@julienlamberto9857]

@@MorningNapalm agreed. It’s inhumane. But I have found that women don’t really care about decency and morality when they harbor resentment, especially when they’re immature (which is a lot of Japanese women).

[@puccaland]

The problem in Japan is that too many people, from both sides, marry a foreigner or Japanese for the wrong reasons and having criteria which shouldn't be there in the first place. No wonder why the divorce rate for international marriages is so high.

[@WithoutException]

You mean if I find a Japanese wife, she won’t teach me how to Rasengan? 😧😞 /s

[@AmbuBadger]

I see a lot of soft guys seeking out Japanese wives on the assumption it'll be an easier go than dealing with a "modern Western woman" only to discover that any problems you're prone to in a relationship are compounded exponentially when you throw in language and cultural differences. My mom lived in Tokyo and, being a _hafu,_ I thought I'd have a better chance than most of making a relationship work with a Japanese national. In the end, I learned that wasn't the case and married a girl from Hawaii (like me).

[@puccaland]

@@AmbuBadger Those people believe that Japanese women are like in anime. To their defense when they are young they try to act cute and pretty to be wife material. But they completely change demeanor for most of them after marriage and especially after having children and I see too many couples ending up like roommates. Not to mention that many of those women aren't the normal type and have some issues which can be a reason why they married a foreigner for they often don't sense it.

[@AmbuBadger]

@@puccaland Yep, seen the roommate thing as well as guys who've come home to an empty house because the wife took the kids for an unannounced vacation! I've also known a few guys to get caught off-guard when they poured out their work troubles to their "loving Japanese wife" only to be ordered to toughen up and do their duty as a man because the family is depending on them! Also, forgot to add: _many_ of the girls I dated had some degree of underlying mental issues. Usually it was a mild form of anxiety, but a few were pretty scary (not "I'm going to off you in your sleep" scary, but "I'll off myself and take the kids with me" sort). Here in the US, mental illness is almost celebrated, with girls proudly putting their issues on their dating profiles at times! Then you have Japan, where there's such a stigma attached to it, people who genuinely need the help are afraid to ask.

[@puccaland]

@@AmbuBadger I have a Japanese friend (female) who has autism and wanted to flee Japan because there is no real care for mental health in Japan and they are highly discriminated. I saw first hand how the system fails them. As a result there are a lot of "psychos" in the loose and foreigners often can't sense it.

[@GEB-yy3ud]

Mate, anyone that gets banned from your channel was obviously being obnoxious. I enjoy your thoughts and the perspectives they bring. All the best

[@RealRuralJapan]

I try to be fair, but some people have just got to go.

[@user-fb3yf2xb2z]

beautiful scenery!

[@suzannes783]

I think relationships can be very difficult to start of with. Even if you come from the same culture, the couple must work through differences in values, as well as creating strong bonds over shared values. Compromise and communication are extremely important. I'm a cultural anthropologist who has lived outside of my 'home country' for over 20 years. When you add the differences between language and culture on top of that, it presents more challenges and from what I've read there is a higher rate of breakups in international relationships (because there are more differences to address). However, if both parties are open minded, willing to learn, listen and compromise - there is an excellent foundation for a great relationship. And yes, I would bet money that there is a better chance for an international relationship to last, if at least one (if not both) partners have lived some time outside of their native country. It shows a greater willingness to learn and adapt. Great topic.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Thanks for commenting that was my hunch also. I also think the divorce rate would be higher but nowhere near the official figures due too many variables.

[@valdius85]

You don’t compromise, you sacrifice. That perspective changed my thinking about relationships in general.

[@olivere5497]

Counterpoint, an older generation would marry and refuse divorce leading to two people living an unhappy life.

[@olivere5497]

​@@valdius85i'd say compromise is a better word.

[@valdius85]

@@olivere5497 How come? It basically means you are not willing to offer what someone wants and no one ever gets what they want.

[@virtuallycasey6121]

Measuring distance in units of coffee and chocolate is genius. I really enjoy your videos because they are cerebral. The fact that you're in a country I have a massive crush on is just a bonus. I love that you used the words, vociferous and perspective. I appreciate people who understand nuance and are open minded enough to reconsider their own belief systems. And you love cats. KZbin perfection.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Cheers thanks for the kind words.

[@thadtuiol1717]

I think there's something to your theory. I met my Japanese wife in England, where we were both classmates together at a university. We were a couple for two years there before we came to Japan. Still happily married 25 years later, with 3 kids. In all the foreigner-Japanese couple divorces that I personally know, which admittedly is a grand total of two, they met in Japan.

[@RealRuralJapan]

This is my hunch too.

[@WilkinsMichael]

@@RealRuralJapan Interesting. All the people I know usually say the exact opposite. Couples get together in a foreign country and then when they move to Japan the dynamic changes and the relationship often fails. Whereas a foreigner already established and happy in Japan will be much better able to fit into a relationship with a Japanese person. In reality it probably just depends on the individual people more than anything else.

[@WilkinsMichael]

I've often seen class often impacts things a lot. Upper middle class families are often a bit more welcoming at first but it is hard for the foreigner to measure up to the cultural expectations long term whereas working class families are often initially thrown off by their child bringing home a foreigner but once they realize their new family member is a normal good person they are very accepting.

[@AdachiCabbage]

The one thing I see a lot are Westerners asking about cheating and divorce so I am glad you covered it. It was honestly frustrating to see people ask the same thing over and over like Japanese women and men are different. People cheat and divorce everywhere and it is a case by case basis.

[@stevencooper4422]

Of course, but as a rule one should not take a 50/50 gamble, especially if the relationship is long distance for significant portions of the year.

[@FunkyKiwi7]

I think the individuals that are creative and innovative, always thinking out of the box and accepting others for who they are without wanting to change anything about them. These are the types of people who last longer in relationships because they've already figured themselves out. They've realised that it's easier to adjust themselves and make it work than cause drama and nonsense. Getting rid of the trolls on your channel is always Good.

[@s.sweetland5074]

Always enjoy your content, but this was the best video yet :) Wish I could like it more than once!

[@RealRuralJapan]

Cheers

[@jonmarshall1502]

I thought some of the comments in one of the last videos were a bit odd or weird. Choose not to reply to them. So I meet my wife in NZ , but we had known each other for about 6months before actually physically meeting. We even spent a year in a third country to continue living together and to be sure we were meant to be together. Coming up nearly 20 years together, lasted longer than many friends who have married someone from their own country. I’m very proud to have found my wife. Sounds like you have made the best decision how to deal with various people, after all it’s your channel. Great work with plenty of useful information, keep it up.

[@RealRuralJapan]

My uncle tells people he has been married for 55 years just the faces change! He is on his 5th marriage one of the funniest people i have ever met but hopeless at marriage.

[@jonmarshall1502]

@@RealRuralJapan oh well at least he’s got a sense of humour about it.

[@valdius85]

It’s complexed problem, and very interesting subject for me. I agree that people get to hang up on the “culture”. I’ve seen people from my country that are as stubborn and close minded as Japanese 😂 I’ve also seen Japanese wives who value their marriage and take it very seriously. It’s easy to see when looking at a couple in their 40-ties or 50-ties. I only wished more people talked about how to make a marriage work instead of how many marriages fail and who’s to blame.

[@NarutoUzumaki-xg9et]

Good point.

[@SinKillerJ]

No country is perfect and magical, people need to understand that. I love Japan, I am constantly looking for a path towards a work visa/permanent immigration, but I accept the flaws. These people blindly white knighting the country have probably spent little to no time there. I appreciate your down to earth real view, and you have become one of my fave Japan channels.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Cheers

[@lynh8378]

I imagine that coming from different cultures presents a challenge. Lol, marriage is a challenge. Thanks for the discussion! Have a blessed day.

[@user-ui3jo1um8b]

Love this guys channel n vibe

[@Williamottelucas]

Happily married for 25 years to my Japanese wife. Mostly spent in New Zealand, but also 6 years in Japan. (Met in NZ)

[@RealRuralJapan]

Nice. 27 years this year for me.

[@Xe723]

I don't think I disagree with you much, from the videos I've seen; and if I do it's probably a personal choice rather than actual disagreement, so keep it up! Your "on-site" knowledge is definitely appreciated, while I've not moved over yet.

[@IgnasV]

The marriage building looked beautiful!

[@valdius85]

I can easily believe that the ratio is higher in mixed marriages. One spouse doesn’t have a family, no life long friends and the support that comes from it. When having kids, only the Japanese spouse family can help out. Issues like that add to the stress load. It’s hard to make a good marriage, so any negative influence just makes everything harder. Saying that, there are studies that different races find each other more attractive, which helps for sure.

[@RealRuralJapan]

I think it is higher too but i also think all are higher and the gap shorter in ratio if that makes sense.

[@valdius85]

@@RealRuralJapan I’m curious about conclusions people have about it. Let’s assume the ratio is higher. The question is why? If someone thinks it’s lower, then I want to know why they think so. And most importantly, why the f some people look so happy together after over 20 years of being together? :) If you ever see some very happy old couple, interview them please

[@Alien_Nukes]

Excellent point

[@shizuokaBLUES]

@@valdius85sexless marriage is the norm in Japan. The view on sex after the children arrive may be vastly different. I’ve interviewed over 40 western men married/divorced to Japanese women and nearly all are sexless. I for one absolutely hate that aspect.

[@valdius85]

@@shizuokaBLUES I’ve heard similar horror stories as well. Saying that, not much difference in many European countries :( I do not think it’s a typical Japanese culture, it is common where I’m from as well.

[@docsnavely1010]

We just took a road trip to Niigata and now you’re in my recommendations. Despite the creepy way the algorithm works, I’m finding your videos really insightful.

[@airborneSGT]

Honestly appreciate your great insights on life overall. I feel the same that people are either committed to each other or not. The ceremony or "papers" don't increase the chances of success.

[@GregK235]

Appreciate your straightforward observations and commentary as well as your engagement in the comments. They've helped expand my awareness and mindset as we prepare for the move and transition to life in Japan. As you said, official statistics don't tell the whole story, but there's probably an academic paper somewhere that's looked at different aspects of international relationships. Those masters and doctoral candidates have to look at something. One of the "benefits" of an international marriage is that my wife and I have separate surnames. First five years or so, her friends and family would address letters and packages to her with my surname. Due to the Japanese marriage registration law, they assumed that she changed hers to mine.

[@RealRuralJapan]

I have friends who kept their names who are married to foreigners and those that didn't. In Australia the government doesn't care either way.

[@fabienvdp545]

I know a kiwi woman who divorced her Japanese husband. She's still living in Gunma to this day so I don't know what kind of visa she's got. Her children go to have the Japanese nationality though

[@failing_gracefully]

I don't need flavoured kitkats but the micro vans are soooo cute!

[@jamfl]

A couple of comments: 1) I like the idea of a dinner or small wedding reception. The U.S. is similar to Australia, where you are expected to throw an extravagant party with hundreds of guests, at a high cost. Looking back, I kind of wish we just rented out a small room and had a small wedding reception there. 2) Your point about unmarried couples made me think of a global societal issue. I don't have statistics to back this up, but I know the number of unmarried couples with children is up in the U.S. It's easier to dissolve a relationship in this situation when things get a little difficult, and I believe it's detrimental to overall society, especially children.

[@eottoe2001]

TY

[@HaxbyShed]

Hi, we lived in Tokyo for 2 years. Typical expat corporate package. English wife and 2 of our kids. Been back 4 times on holiday with family (now grown up). I like your analysis, particularly the vid about Japanese salary man. Cheers

[@RealRuralJapan]

Cheers

[@aggedor2]

Off topic, but I'm probably in a similar situation, we've been thinking of moving from Oz to Japan for a while, I'm close to retirement age but we're expecting our second, how do you manage health cover if you're not employed/not going to be working in Japan?

[@aggedor2]

To clarify, with a Japanese partner

[@RealRuralJapan]

Japan has the OZ style Medicare system and you can take out extra insurance if you want to.

[@bigscholastic]

Black Thunder beats Kit Kat any day of the week. Is this a banworthy opinion? (笑) Been living here a little over two years and I always get a ton from your perspectives. Thanks for doing what you do, bro!

[@RealRuralJapan]

I sometimes get the big pack with the mini bars. But it has a darker chocolate flavor so it can't be a go to bar for me. I am a milk chocolate person and when it comes to bars Snickers can't be beat.

[@bigscholastic]

@@RealRuralJapan Try some of the special flavors they carry at 7-11, some of them have a lighter chocolate. The butter flavored one in particular is dangerous.

[@acholosjourney]

On marriage #3! Mexican - Canadian now Japanese woman - is da best of all!!! BTW Make that video on how to make your delicious pizza bread... lol

[@RealRuralJapan]

Plenty of bad girls here you wouldn't want to marry don't worry about that.

[@skub1sn4ks88]

Hello! That was a really interesting. I have a few questions regarding that topic. I don't know how many people you know that have been divorced but if you could tell based on your observations, what would you say are the most common reasons that international couples divorce in Japan? Also, there have been a lot of videos lately about cheating in Japan. Most of those videos (interviews) took place in major cities like Tokyo. I'm curious if that's also the case in more rural places in Japan or it's the same everywhere? Again, what do you think are the reasons for those kind of issues? And lastly, what would be necessary to achieve a long, happy, stable and fulfilling marriage from both sides that doesn't involve multiple partners? I hope you'll be able to answer those questions! :)

[@RealRuralJapan]

I'll do some videos on this in the near future but my opinion on the whole street interview thing and cheating is people chasing views. I also have an inkling most are staged based on the behavior as i also do with many of the videos of people giving poor people money you see on the net. If it is legit answers there is no indication how many people declined to be interviewed and how many they chose to show of the cheaters versus those who said they would never do it. They are giving people what they want to see it is entertainment not information.

[@skub1sn4ks88]

@@RealRuralJapan Yes I think that could be very much the case with some of those interviews. Thank you. :)

[@Staarker99]

@RealRuralJapan So what’s your total gut feeling, foreign marriages better than 50% success as in Australia at least mate.? Or is it too hard to judge.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Just slightly higher.

[@yyyy-uv3po]

12:45 Did you just park front first?? That's very surprising for someone who's lived in Japan for so long :D

[@RealRuralJapan]

What are you talking about i have a cafe and the Japanese park every way you can imagine. People tend to park like the first car they see and if that is upside down they will try to flip over their own car. There are no parking rules in Japan.

[@brycerichert]

My first marriage in Japan was for the purpose of opening up some snack bars.

[@GeneralChase]

I work for the US government I'm looking to transfer to Japan. I didn't really think I'd be that behind on dating culture in Japan but you have opened my eyes. Could you make a video covering some of the things I should probably know to be more successful in dating Japan. I don't know if age makes a difference for it but I'm 33 and id be looking for a woman my age. Thanks for your videos.

[@RealRuralJapan]

I'm an old guy haven't dated for over 25 years I'm not really the person to ask but i do know some things here about it and ask some women i know around your age too. I will do a video on what i know but it will be limited by these constraints.

[@jtns2845]

i spent 11 years in japan, wife was taiwanese, not japanese. knew many western/japanese couples. seems that the successful marriages were between a guy who was willing, and intelligent enough, to learn some japanese and a lady who had spent time overseas in an english environment, and liked it enough to want to move there with you. i also met many non-japanese ladies resident in japan who married western guys. just ensure that this lady is professionally educated & employed, has a proper longterm resident visa for japan, and isn’t part of the “entertainment” world or “water trade” (mizu shobai). southeast asian hangers-on with sad tales looking for a knight in shining armor near the bases aren’t ideal.

[@GeneralChase]

@@jtns2845 These are all good points. I'll try my best to stay away from the super pretty show girls lol.

[@jtns2845]

@@GeneralChase the real pretty ones are mostly in clubs that cater exclusively to japanese customers and working to pay off debts. otherwise you are likely to be entertained by single mothers from the philippines with sad tales and families who you will eventually support.

[@dannybitz5015]

Do you have any insights you’d like to share about your relationship with your partner or your friends? Maybe cultural differences about expectations about spouses? There seem to be many videos about “Why Japanese wives hate these things their foreign husbands do!”

[@RealRuralJapan]

That is a clickbait video if i have ever seen one. Japanese women are just the same as others but if they truly hated it they wouldn't be with their husbands. Lots of stuff annoy different people that is a different thing altogether. I annoy my wife every day and she annoys me it isn't any different to most marriages.

[@valdius85]

We often disagree and I’m still here posting 😂 So I think your filter is fine 😂 Allow comments but everyone should be respectful. Easy to be respectful.

[@RealRuralJapan]

People disagreeing is what it is about but to go getting personal and spitting the dummy that is not on.

[@jamescorbett5729]

I reckon couples that meet and marry outside Japan and then move there will face challenges. Once the bloke gets there he’s going to have buyer’s remorse when he sees what else is available.

[@RealRuralJapan]

That one made me chuckle! A bloke who would take on a girlfriend when he knows that she knows he is married deserves everything he is going to get. Women who like to destroy people and couples are everywhere in the world and here in Japan too. Buyer beware!

[@g8trdude225]

"Good" statistics are hard to find, and it is usually challenging to determine when they are good, and when not. If one does not properly assess/measure an appropriate and representative sample, adequate sample size, measure the proper variable by a proper measurement method, understand error and bias, etc. Statistics kill more people than handguns (and I have statistics to back it up). Marriage... been married 18 years to the same dear woman. She divorces me regularly. And I deserve it. Life is good. 😎

[@_____J______]

Those persons who married Japanese and then divorced most likely would divorce anyways, not even with Japanese precisely. Not everybody is made for a marriage

[@RealRuralJapan]

It's a readymade easy excuse people make on both sides.

[@penname.]

Don’t know what’s your point. Divorce rates in the west are much higher than in Asia. Westerners divorce at a much higher rate.

[@RealRuralJapan]

@penname Everybody has read the title of the video except you it seems.

[@penname.]

@@RealRuralJapan great logic!

[@tracyburnham604]

長野県

[@GunterD1337]

There are also tons of failed marriages where the couple decides to not divorce for various reasons such as saving face or whatever. They have totally failed on every level but do not enter this statistic.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Very good point.

[@skeetpete6116]

This is just anecdotal but I live in San Francisco and I would say about 90% of the Japanese/American marriages that I've seen have ended up in divorce. It's way higher than american/american marriages.

[@RealRuralJapan]

How many American/American long-term relationships break up? Similar figure but just a bit less? This was my point that most Japanese and foreigners are married, and this is mainly due to immigration concerns. This is where facts and data can only tell so much.

[@23Lgirl]

Japan is 98% Japanese and of the 2 1.5 are from other Asian countries. Most foreigners and Japanese couples are Japanese men and other Asian women.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Thats probably about right from my experience here.

[@JamesAlexanderJack]

Having children as partners in an unmarried relationship is just not done in Japan, even if one of the partners is a foreigner.

[@RealRuralJapan]

Getting married and then divorcing very soon after happens a lot for this reason. I call it the Claytons marriage. The marriage you have when you are not having marriage.

[@Primeminister7381]

Not being a troll but there is data and the divorce rate is actually much lower for americans that are married to japanese ,and higher for australians and south east asians as well as koreans. Just do the research and you'll find out 👍i want to add also this is just data/statistics "different strokes for different folks" nobody's relationship is the same we all playing with different factors in life. So i see it as it depends on each individuals circumstances that determines the success and failure. I like your vids too bro you speak from a point of wisdom not ignorance i also live in Japan as well i wish you the best.👍

[@olivere5497]

No shame in marrage or divorce. Imagine being stuck with the old ball n chain 'Keiko' for all eternity?

[@paulinewong5906]

Why are u always driving when making your video.. Hahaha

[@Hay8137g]

I imagine there’s a bit of men in the downlow

[@RealRuralJapan]

@kingmaafa120 If you have nothing to add of substance and start nitpicking grammar go somewhere else please.

[@kingmaafa120]

@@RealRuralJapan well said Misery loves company 👍 --- The comment had no place in the discussion I apologize for any misunderstanding

[@RealRuralJapan]

@@kingmaafa120 No worries

[@npavdaj]

I’m 35 male, still seeking a future with a Japanese woman 👩. I know all the risks/consequences but still doesn’t deter me from pursuing my goals/dreams. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject.

[@23Lgirl]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/mV7Me4uNl5mrj7s

[@roythousand13]

Why do you seek a future with a Japanese woman? Why not a South Korean woman, Chinese woman, Jamaican woman, etc?

[@TenYen4796]

If I do marry a Japanese woman, I will not be dependent on her resources. I believe in putting all the cards on the table and if a problem should occur then we can talk it out. 🤔 I know of only two couples who are still married to their Japanese wives. Yes I do agree that people with life time experiences will attract one another 👦👧 Hopefully that will be me when I visit Japan 😀

[@Interlocutor_]

Maybe it is because there’s no other cars around as a frame of reference but it looks like you drive way too damn fast. Slow down bruh.

[@RealRuralJapan]

It looks fast its the zoom of the camera. Everyone around me is driving the same speed or faster and none of us are doing 50 kmh.

[@Interlocutor_]

@@RealRuralJapan Lol good. Love your vids. Cheers.