Do We Coddle Teenagers?

[@theauthenticobserver]

Brent Rivera wishes he had half the power of Private Frank Pike

[@ehdrake]

Your grandparents sound fascinating, I think most people would pay to hear their stories. I love that you bring their lessons foreard. P.S. the video was very clear. As. New parent myself, I loved the tree metaphor.

[@alexanderiofepirus5138]

@@ehdrakecongratulations 🎉

[@ehdrake]

@@alexanderiofepirus5138 lol thanks. Our kid has a smile made for mischief. Total karma for everything we did to our folks.

[@tima7814]

Do you have a reading list available somewhere? Would be interested in your recommended readings for philosophy, sociology, psychology, etc. You should make a goodreads list if you haven't yet :)

[@alexanderiofepirus5138]

@@ehdrake 😆 I know exactly what you mean!

[@M4dM4n96]

'When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.' - C.S. Lewis

[@-Monad-]

Which is a variation on Corinthians 13:11, fun fact

[@M4dM4n96]

@@-Monad- indeed, its quite perfect really, at least as far as criticisms go

[@MacabreStorytelling]

There is this strange attitude many have where they believe a person who is 17 years and 364 days is a helpless child yet becomes a full adult a day later. Obviously we use the age of 18 as a line in the sand for many things, but the idea that maturity is not a spectrum I find to be incredible reductive and I am glad AO touched upon it in her other videos.

[@Prolute]

Sure, but 18 isn't the beginning of adulthood it's the point where it's reasonable to assume that a person is an adult. By 18 most people have had jobs, been driving cars, been having sex, and been planning for their future for years. If someone isn't an adult by 18 then their parents have failed them.

[@MacabreStorytelling]

@@Prolute Cringe take

[@timothyfoster6215]

No matter the age of consent that will always be a thing. Make it 20, 30, or 40 and you can say the same about the day before...

[@CyberNymphZX]

​@@Prolute in what universe have most 18 year olds done these things? Most still havent while in college.

[@jackthehat1093]

It's not a strange attitude. Your attitude is strange because it's completely arbitrary. You can't objectively tell us who is and isn't an adult.

[@redmaple1982]

I think it's telling that when the topic of infantilization of teenagers/young adults comes up it's usually in the context of relationships/sex with older adults and not in the context of instilling young people with basic life skills, providing avenues for positive mentorship, or building functional communities.

[@georginavictoria6455]

haven't finished this yet but i find it strange when ppl assume young people of the past who did brutal working class jobs had...idk automatic emotional maturity? when I look at relatives from the 30s/40s/60s who worked and assumed the responsibilities of an adult from a very young age, I mostly see people who either lacked emotional intelligence and made really stupid decisions because they had no-one to offer them advice, or were very high functioning young people but struggled at lot mentally in their elder years when they weren't physically able to work anymore. it's this weird super mature and worldly but also kind of arrested development dynamic that never gets brought up in discussions of generational divides beyond 'lead paint' and 'kids these days!'

[@MohamedRamadan-qi4hl]

They knew responsibility and hard work far more than modern generation

[@shro_okee]

@@MohamedRamadan-qi4hl that's what the commenter said, they are more mature, but also more emotionally stunted in comparison to newer generations

[@MohamedRamadan-qi4hl]

@@shro_okee emotionally stunted or emotionally non sensitive enough to not get overwhelmed with too much emotion when facing hardship?

[@mastersnet18]

I think they actually did mature earlier, including their actual brain development. It’s been shown that nurture has a huge impact on mental and emotional development. When kids are neglected for example, they end up with stunted mental growth.

[@alittlebitofhistory]

Another thing about the often over looked with the 'kids these days!' argument is that's its always been around, I read a memoir recently written in the mid 1930s by a man who was in his early 70s at the time, he devoted half a chapter to say that children in the 30s were too soft and coddled by their parents, unlike his generation they didn't know hard work, even saying that men in there 20s were just boys compared to the 1800s.

[@ZwiekszoneRyzyko]

I was coddled as a teen by my overprotective parents and as a result I believe I matured mentally later than most of my peers and also had more problems with understanding the duties and responsibilities of being an adult. It's a complicated issue . Obviously treating 18-year olds as complete mature adults is a terrible idea - usually those are still half-children in (almost) mature bodies. But being overly protective over them is also not an answer as it may prevent young people from developing skills necessary for coping in the modern, unforgiving reality.

[@nenyeo6090]

true. How do you feel a parent should strike that balance? I feel maybe letting them make most decisions for themselves, but always knowing what current decision they’re navigating around so the parent can give suggestions on how that could be approached. This helps the teen when they feel they have autonomy over their lives and their parent isn’t always hovering over them and giving them answers to solutions that they may have been able to come up with by themselves, giving a little time. It may also help the parent whom still feels that their children are willing to be open up with them and share what’s going on. Idk for sure, but I’m curious, as someone who was on the coddling end of it, what would your solutions to parents be?

[@-Monad-]

@@nenyeo6090 honestly, the answer is to back off and stop obsessing about your child's decisions. "Always knowing the current decision so you can give suggestions" is a pretty presumptious and invasive approach that will all but guarantee your child hides things from you. They'll share what they share, and you'll drastically reduce how much they share by insisting on knowing every decision they're thinking about (or worse, snooping around to find out without even asking them). Give them space, give them privacy, and offer advice only when asked for it. If you can't do that, you've got some serious self-reflection to do.

[@josephfisher426]

The modern "reality" is only different from the old reality in the framing. I think the language on this topic is very loaded. Immediately after college I worked at a different college (both called themselves universities) and advised a student group, and was very aware of the immaturity, especially among the American students. The many Asian students were typically noticeably less immature, though they would probably be said to be "coddled" in the sense of having been protected by parents from making poor decisions.

[@joshjonson2368]

Maybe what you're saying applies to women, but men should be fully capable and at a physically superb lvl before they even hit 18, not to mention expected to have female courting and adept in a myriad of social skills, because social darwinism already weeds out the strong from the weak during the teenage years

[@SonOfHandorf]

I was the same way. My parents were overprotective and a little too strict which made me develop more common sense and maturity well beyond my years, but heading into the adult world on my own, I struggled with basic life skills that I was never taught by school or my parents. I felt like an adult-child but it was a slow process of learning things I wish I had learned in childhood. It's not a good idea to not let a kid be at home all day and not encourage him to go outside, join an extracurricular activity, and learn life skills

[@lordsneed9418]

23:00 Please don't ever hesitate or cease referring back to your grandparents ! It is indeed very valuable. Lots of people need to hear it. People who are disconnected from the lives and culture of their ancestors are often the most vulnerable to social ills.

[@nenyeo6090]

agree!!

[@erickane457]

I dont think she should stop but I do think toning it down a bit more in favor of other rhetoric would be a good move

[@gabrielle.j]

Yes, I agree!! The little stories passed down from previous generations gives so much context to our lives today

[@mayaplatt9201]

I won't lie, the more of your videos I watch, the more I feel like you are just a more mature and wise version of myself. I'm a young teenage girl and you've become a bit of a role model for me. Just wanted to say thank you :)

[@blurberry7192]

When I started making my own decisions, I was treated simultaneously as a child as well as an adult and it was very confusing at 18-19. I was treated with disdain no matter what decision I made, until I stopped listening to anyone but myself. I became rebellious. I wanted to have ALL responsibility and applied for the worst job (especially at my young age of 19)...home care. I was a cleaner, cook, errand-runner for elderly or disabled people. I travelled and visited them in their own house. I am grateful for the experience, but the trauma and the situations no one told me were a possibility totally changed my entire outlook on the "age of adulthood." I was manipulated by the elderly and had no direction from a careless boss. I now look back with horror when I imagine my little sister in the same position. I was essentially TRAPPED in someone's house, getting paid to do their dirty work, and suffer from verbal abuse. Not only that, but I was preyed upon by elderly men (whom I thought were only fatherly). My innocent mistake: I was being GROOMED for heavens sake and didn't even realize. I could have been raped or sexually assaulted if I hadn't listened to that pit in my stomach and quit when I did. I simply cannot believe that they hire 18 year olds for that job. You need experience, not only with cooking/cleaning/shopping/driving (easy enough), but you NEED life experience which I never observed as a teen. I got experience at least. But what if I wasn't so lucky? Not being allowed to practice adulthood as a teen resulted in me putting myself in a line of work built on relationships I simply was not cognitively able to safely maneuver. All in the name of proving I was, in fact, an adult to other adults who didn't care to teach about adulthood.

[@SergioLeonardoCornejo]

Teenagers are infantilized. Once childhood ends, biologically, we are still treated like children. But the way to reverse it can't ve drastic. It must be gradual and must start by treating teenagers with respect and not letting them behave like children.

[@albertajnstajn9516]

Nice try, but it will not stop me or any man to date 18 year old cuties. Men are attracted to youth,whether you like it or not.

[@sakogekchyan7366]

@@albertajnstajn9516 I have to wonder… If it wasn't for the law putting the age of adulthood at 18 years, how young would you date? I mean geez man, early 20s is plenty young. A woman at 22 or 23 could potentially be out of college and open to marriage. And that is well within peak fertility. The fact that you described them as "18 year old cuties" concerns me…

[@Jesei1211]

@@albertajnstajn9516 Ew? Is this bait?

[@albertajnstajn9516]

@@Jesei1211 No, I'm just telling them my preference. You're just not used to people like me (minor attracted persons) being honest about what attracts us. Don't act surprised. Like you've never seen older men turn their heads when cute middle school baddies walk by.

[@justwonder1404]

It's baffling to me that you have to explain the difference between coddling teenagers and not wanting them to date people in their 30's, cause it seems pretty obvious. If anything, I can more easily imagine a sheltered teenager ending up in a relationship where they are in an obvious disadvantage in terms of agency than a responsible and age-appropriately mature one. It's an ineteresting discussion but I think we can all agree that people don't immediately grow up as soon as they reach 18.

[@redmaple1982]

Sadly I think the issue here is that there are people out here that want to escape the repercussions of preying on young people so they perform a lot of rhetorical mental gymnastics in order to shift the overton window in their favor.

[@justwonder1404]

​@@redmaple1982 true, and I'm pretty sure they will come up with some sick convoluted explanation of why Galatea got it all wrong and having an unhealthy interest in teenagers is actualy perfectly fine. Still, I'm glad that it's being discussed and they are being called out.

[@chidoman1595]

Preventing an 18-year-old from dating someone twice as old as them isn't coddling. It's protection from predators.

[@jackthehat1093]

Nah it's coddling.

[@ReraltofGivia]

It’s also restricting the personal liberty of a legal adult citizen of whatever country you’re in.

[@miguelpadeiro762]

​@@ReraltofGivia And I'm sure if your 18 daughter comes home saying she's dating a 39 yo man you'll high five her, hug her and tell her how proud you are of her?

[@AxlPatrol]

No

[@jackthehat1093]

@@miguelpadeiro762 You're making a massive assumption that just because he's older he's going to abuse and manipulate her. Some men love and respect women believe it or not.

[@CrazyDuckie94]

I was 25 when I started my BA, and the majority of the class including a close friend was 18. I felt I saw the world in a different way from them

[@timothyfoster6215]

The analogy made a lot of sense. It's not helicopter parenting to prevent Mr Tate from getting ahold of your sister but it's also not treating her like an adult. It's still a good sisterly thing to do.

[@nenyeo6090]

It isn’t helicopter parenting to protect your child from actual dangerous situations, I would say. It is helicopter parenting when every facet of the child’s life is dictated by your (the parent(s)) design. Sometimes, I think some parents don’t want their children to hate them so they let them do whatever and then the child ends up in dangerous situations, e.x., people like Tate.

[@timothyfoster6215]

@@nenyeo6090 that's right, thank you! Then everyone complains when the scumbag is a scumbag, and the parents say they didn't raise that way...

[@lukedornon7799]

I think the problem is modern culture is excusing teenagers/young adults from actual age-appropriate responsibility such as basic job skills and financial literacy while simultaneously insisting they're responsible enough to be able to understand the long-term consequences of engaging in hookup culture, doing 'cam-girl' work, etc.

[@tima7814]

Well that just speaks to the predatory nature of today's society, especially towards girls. sex work makes money, if teenagers were taught life skills and financial literacy they'd be less likely to engage in sex work at such a young age. but that means the porn industry lose millions of "recruits" I'm sure a large chunk of our law makers engage in porn of "teens", most of the elites are sick like that... it would benefit them to coddle teens

[@menschgebliebenergossenpar9213]

Ah yes, the insidious "modern culture" trying to make younger people turn into dumb seks-slaves and sloots who sell themselves, all under the watch of a dark cabal who wants to destroy the west, amirite?

[@georginavictoria6455]

but most regular people are employed in a 9/5, have their own bank account/credit card etc so surely they do have at least some semblance of jobs skills and financial capability? i don't know anyone irl who is a camgirl or engages in hook-up culture to the extent you see on youtube or tiktok.

[@lukedornon7799]

@@georginavictoria6455 You're talking about working adults, I'm talking about high-school and college students.

[@ThatisSumBS]

I don't think it's modern culture I've never came across any woman promoting sex work to young girls besides the ones working in the industry but I know a lot of grown men who have.

[@dinosaur___7209]

Honestly idk how ppl look at history and our current world and think that the burdens placed on children and teens in the past DIDN'T severely fuck them up. People should have age appropriate responsibility but how our grandparents grew up is traumatizing. I personally think it's part of why our world is so messed up.

[@reynam2576]

Agree!

[@acarcarazza]

I would like to add, in Galatea’s defence, that there is obviously a massive middle ground between infantilizing people and not looking out for them AT ALL. People look out for each other in all sorts of scenarios, it doesn’t even have to be about one person being younger, nobody is infallible and immune to being manipulated/making bad decisions out of ignorance or any other kind of a disadvantage or influence that clouds/impairs their judgement/makes them vulnerable in whatever way. Anyone can find themselves at a disadvantage for a great number of reasons that have nothing to do with personal responsibility, strength etc. Nobody is utterly invulnerable. And to show rightful concern and try to steer people in a different direction, or to take issue with the person taking advantage of them, if that is the case, is not the same as being controlling and/or infantilising them. It’s as though I saw someone pointing a gun to my friend’s back and I said nothing because oh well, he’s an adult so he can take care of himself, who am I to step in, if I were to warn him or push him out of the way I would be coddling him, he should spot the danger himself and fight it alone. And then when he gets shot and robbed as he didn’t see the gun because it was pointed at his back I said oh well, fair game, the better man won. Protecting and coddling aren’t the same. And being an ‘independent adult’ doesn’t justify everyone else doing whatever the hell they want to you with impunity. EVEN IF you wanted to say that the girls Tate ‘employed’ were fully aware and just dumb and should be held accountable for their own decisions, THIS STILL DOES NOT ABSOLVE HIM. At most you could equate it to someone walking into a bad neighborhood with 12 Rolexes on his arm, where you could say it’s an extremely bad idea and he truly should have had the common sense to know not to, but if someone robs him the thief is still not justified in doing that. People being dumb doesn’t justify exploiting them. Can’t believe that has to be pointed out.

[@Therezumee92]

The issue is that people have to go black or white. Everything has to be in a certain box. In reality both are true. 18 year old is as much a child as an adult. In some areas you are an adult, in some you simply can't compare to an adult that is in 40's. And yet, I'm sure there are plenty of 18 year olds who have been forced into adult responsibilities early on and are far more mature and capable than a 25 year old. So while age gives you experience, age alone doesn't make you. Your circumstances and upbringing does as well.

[@colinbluth5461]

i have been teaching k to 7 for 15 years, i can tell you that we most definitely are coddling kids, the more time goes by.

[@nenyeo6090]

possibly, I was watching a video a few days ago and it was talking about the public school system and how it rewards the misbehaved kids more because more attention is drawn to them and more incentives are given compared to well-behaved kids. It was from a teacher’s point of view as well. So, yeah we may be coddling them a little. And we see the detrimental consequences to that.

[@colinbluth5461]

@@nenyeo6090 the mothers are involved big time. a lot more have a victim mentality where they think any little thing we do is abusing the kid, so if i dont want to get sued, i best keep things in candy land.

[@joeem1502]

@@nenyeo6090 I've seen that video and I agree wholeheartedly smh

[@Raven-qj8xk]

@@nenyeo6090 The squeaky wheel gets most grease

[@colinbluth5461]

@@NoName12344o like a god dam gypsy curse, it will last for generations, until some brave soul get their shit together

[@catalin8981]

I'm a 33 year old man, really tall and pretty attractive (not a flex, but I think it's relevant). Every time I tried to start dating a girl in her early/mid 20s I just couldn't. They're too immature and lack a lot of life experience (even though they were really intelligent) and I actually felt that I'd be taking advantage of them unintentionally (if that makes sense) I can't even imagine how easy it would be for a grown man to manipulate an 18/19 year old

[@jht3fougifh393]

This is exactly the issue, and imho more people could use your intuition. Seems like innate, common sense to me.

[@matthewbarry376]

They're immature because the difference in their life as a child as a teen and a young adult is basically non-existent bar starting work and paying taxes. Maturity comes with experience and purpose in life. Most of the young Women are aimless and have had so little life experience.

[@jht3fougifh393]

​@@matthewbarry376 Most young people in general, sadly. It has always been a difficult transition, and I could imagine that holds even more true today.

[@jackthehat1093]

Okay but that just sounds like age difference. It doesn't mean they're immature. And if they are, what are we saying here? People in their mid-20s aren't adults either??? This whole thing is ridiculous.

[@catalin8981]

@@jackthehat1093 I was only talking about immaturity in the context of a relationship with someone much older, not that 20 year olds can't take care of themselves

[@christaberit]

I think it’s less about coddling and more about ambivalence. Some kids are coddled but the majority in the lower classes are just ignored and left to their own devices which is just as bad.

[@cptsteele91]

People seem to misunderstand becoming a legal adult at 18. Yes it means you are an adult under the law with the rights, privileges and responsibilities that come with it, it doesn't mean you have stopped maturing the second you turn 18, it's more of a transitional phase between adulthood and adolescence. Essentially, when you turn 18 and are considered a legal adult you still kinda get treated socially with kid gloves, til you're around the age of 25 because you have the rights, privileges and responsibilities of an adult because that's the time where you learn how to be an adult properly, you gain the experience in that sort of transitional phase to understand adulthood, often whilst still in education so you're often still doing pretty much the same thing you were in your teens only now you have to work, vote, pay taxes and such. After 25 you should be a capable, competent adult who knows enough of how life works to manage yourself and be treated in the same manner with the same respect as any other adult, as well as pretty much permanently leaving full time education behind, growing, maturing, being educated is finished and theoretically you should be well rounded enough to be fully self sustaining at around that point. Lots of people though 18 and older seem to take it as a literal "well you're an adult now so you should be fully developed and capable" which simply isn't the case, it can't be the case, to be competent you need to be experienced, you don't develop experience by going to sleep one night aged 17 then waking up the next morning aged 18. There are exceptions of course but people who are fully competend adults by the age of 18 probably have some fucked shit in their backgrounds which made that necessary.

[@MasteringJohn]

It seems to be a law of nature that all my favorite youtubers must wait until just before I have a test due before releasing a video. Ah well. Bookmarked for later.

[@Wetesk53]

The people claiming you're overprotective are the 35yr old weirdos who want date 17yr olds.

[@chrystianaw8256]

Precisely

[@traditionalwoman5648]

My dad continued growing until he was 21. People's bodies mature at different stages, also, the brain is still growing until they are about 25. So when do people become adults, when what stops growing? When what part of their body stops developing. Teenagers are just in a state of transition between adulthood and childhood. They need to be guided and have someone who is looking out for them, that have their best interests at heart, otherwise they will be screwed over and this world would be 100x worse of a place. If a boy who is 13, this is a real story, impregnants a 31 year old woman, should he now be responsible for that child? That is rape, whether it went that the 13 year was a girl or boy, and the same thing goes with a 15 year old, or 17 year old. A man, or woman who takes advantage of the youth of a boy or girl is a predator.

[@dipannitasarah5521]

I’ve grown taller at the age of 21 as a woman too haha, this physically growth argument is so weird

[@DevlVergil]

The jump in personality development I had between 18 to 21/22 was extremely significant. At 21/22 I first started to actually quire an identity, feeling "this is who I am and what I can become", actually having a rough direction where life should leave, completely different values etc.. At 18 I probably would have hooked with or went into a relationship with any decently attractive girl. With 22 I actually adopted standards for myself and potential partners and swore to stay a virgin till I found my future life time partner. And the weirdest thing is that those things didn't seem to come from a "development" per se but just popped up out of nowhere without any external impulse as far as I'm concerned.

[@mrjoshua8999]

I agree, and I think there are different stages in adulthood even. If someone is in their 80s and friends with someone in their 40s, they may not be seen completely as equals even though they are both well into adulthood. Relationship dynamics will often reflect people being in different stages of life, and I think that simply seeing people as adults or not adults may be useful legally, but culturally it is better to recognize different stages of adulthood like young adult, adult, middle aged and elderly.

[@CassTeaElle]

Makes perfect sense! I've spoken up in defense of healthy age gap relationships many times, and I still completely agree with you here. I think the reactions are sort of an over correction of the current problem. I remember when I first started writing my Greenwood Trilogy, which features an age gap (17 and 26, which by the way are about the ages my parents were when they got married), a lot of people lost their minds. People told me (without having read the story, of course) that what I was writing was disgusting and pedophilic. I got a LOT of people who said they wouldn't be okay with any kind of age gap unless the characters were, like, 30 or older, because the brain hasn't fully developed yet. Heck, I even saw a lot of comments that said that a 3 year age gap, like 20 and 23, was disgusting and horrifying and that the man in that situation is akin to a pedo. Which is of course absurd... So yeah, I think a lot of people were probably overreacting to your comments because of how other people these days seem to think about this issue. But it's absolutely worth reminding everyone of the context of the video. My character who meets a girl he befriends and then very slowly ends up falling in love with her and eventually proposes to her, planning to marry her, with zero sexual content in the book at all, is a completely different thing than a 35yo man actively seeking out barely-legal young women to manipulate into doing sex work for him. It's kind of insane that that even needs to be said.

[@tima7814]

I honestly think you just got the 18yr old viewers knickers in a twist. This entire subject is just common sense 😂 most sane, functioning ADULTS understand 18yr olds are still technically children, even if not physically, definitely still mentally.

[@smoothinvestigator]

Louise Perry released a new podcast episode where she interviews Mia Döring, an Irish woman who escaped the sex trade. Mia became a psychotherapist and wrote a book about her experiences. She specifically mentions that it was older men who groomed her because older men know that young girls are more trusting and too naive to know what's going on. Very interesting episode.

[@rooo358]

I didn’t even realise Louise Perry had made a podcast so thank you for mentioning this!

[@smoothinvestigator]

@@rooo358 No problem. I presume you've found it by now, but just in case, it's called "Maiden Mother Matriarch".

[@albertajnstajn9516]

It's probably some feminist/anti-men BS. No thanks.

[@Raven-qj8xk]

When my brother was 19 he was dating his 46 year old Ecology lecturer at University, she was very controlling, manipulative and immature, over a two yearish period she totally destroyed his confidence by belittling, gaslighting him and cheating on him with various other men. This resulted in having serious depression and him attempting suicide. He didn't date for a good 5 years after! Conversely my niece met a wonderful man of 37 when she was 18, she was an 'old soul in young body' he has been amazing and supportive to her, helped her be more confident, sociable and worldly, they are now married, very happy and have two wonderful children. I suppose it depends on each individual and how well their personalities match!

[@dinosaur___7209]

18 & 37... 🤢 Sorry regardless of her maturity that is such an unhealthy power dynamic. Her brain wasn't even mature yet. I'm guessing she had just graduated high school or so? That's disgusting. A lot of men do this type of thing so he can groom her to be the perfect wife and do whatever sexual or homemaking or whatever things in the way he likes...Idk MAYBE it could work but I am so highly suspicious and concerned for her. A lot of guys end up saying younger women are old souls as an excuse to date them...

[@tima7814]

side eye

[@Raven-qj8xk]

@@dinosaur___7209 Interesting point of view! I'm intrigued why you were concerned for my niece, who has been happily married for 5 years to her husband and has a loving and equal partnership, yet not concerned about my brother, who was treated badly by a women in a position of power at his Uni and with a much bigger age difference? In answer to your question, in the UK we finish high school at 15/16, then do A levels at college and are at University by 18 ( as my niece was), what age do they keep people in high school in your country?

[@albertajnstajn9516]

Perfect age difference.

[@albertajnstajn9516]

@@dinosaur___7209 Typical feminist/mysandrist. Your comment just proves how much you hate men. Luckily, nobody cares about your opinions. I only date 18 year olds and will continue to do so. They don't need any excuses to date them, they can do it as much as they want. Even if they are totally immature they can date them.

[@DL-idk]

I think the idea of a defined age line between kids and adults can create confusions sometimes. I remember that, as a kid, I had this notion that I shouldn't be worried too much about my postures because my bones would only "settle" after I turned 18. It (and many other 18th birthday myths) came from adults kept telling me fairytales about this magical age line when so much about you only matter after crossing it. Found out later that it couldn't be further from the truth. You live and count from the moment you're born and you shouldn't be waiting for a magical age to start trying set things right. I 100% agree that people nowadays aren't mature enough at 18. It's partially because kids are treated as something way too special for the human beings they actually are. They need to learn and grow. It's OK to enjoy your childhood, but it will be hard if you indulge in your child privileged too much and you fail to mature during this period, because once the childhood is over and the magical line is crossed, you'll have to face the harsh reality without that kids-friendly filter and you'll suffer a rough start on your adult life. But this is the society we live in and the reality we have to deal with. So I think it's reasonable to give people more time to grow up. Treat young adults as full fledged adults in workplaces, in family, in society and other places. But no, it's not an excuse for some 40 year-old people to say that "this 18 year-old is an adult and there's nothing wrong about me wanting to sleep with them". Sorry but that doesn't feel right. That ISN'T right. It's probably weird, but when it comes to sex, there are so much more going on than just a legal age. I'll question that older adult's actual intention when they want to sleep with someone so much younger than them. I have a hard time making friend with people barely 10 years younger than me. What about them could be so attractive to you other than their younger bodies? It's simply disgusting.

[@odothedoll2738]

I’m extremely EXTREMELY insecure about this. I’m 19 I have autism/ADHD and a physical disability. Due to this I haven’t reached quite a few normal life milestones. It’s frustrating because I’m “high functioning” or whatever so I’m so close to being able to have that normal life but can’t. It’s a cold comfort knowing that a lot of able bodied neurotypical young adults are stuck being little babies too…

[@MClapYourHands]

For me, from 16-18, 18-21, and 21-25 were huge leaps (good and bad) in my maturation, personality, beliefs, independence, and worldviews. I have felt several times that I wasn't the same person as before. But, I wouldn't say I was truly an adult until 20+, or somewhere between 21 and 25. I think this is partially because of trauma: I find that to be the most maturing. I don't know if that's a real thing, but trauma is very maturing in my experience, at least the trauma you come out of.

[@PothePerson]

I liked the tree story. We are the same way with our daughters. Crying won't get them anywhere but we don't abandon them. Your video also reminded me of when I was 21 and I told my parents I was dating a man 12 years older than me. I was very serious about it and I explained everything leading up to it and they just sat there looking concerned. Then when I was finished they said it was a bit weird but basically fine.

[@PothePerson]

Anyway, then I married him

[@padslights1097]

One of the biggest reasons girls go for older men is daddy issues. Not in a sexualizing way, in a way that girls who had an absent father or an emotionally abusive/absent father will seek that comfort, that safe space in a partner, and often older men use it to their advantage. My therapist told me after I said how I felt such rage and hate towards my father that I need to come to terms with it now and start healing because what happens to girls with daddy issues who don't heal. He said: ''The father is the most important role in a child's life, if he does not do the job right, it will affect the child for the rest of their life, you need to fix this because if you don't you will search for him everywhere and you will probably, without doing it intentionally, get an older man to search for that father figure and he will probably take advantage of you''.The obvious power dynamic is dangerous and the girl will not take the upper hand, because, in their subconscious, their partner is that father figure who makes the rules and has the power, like a father. She is used to obeying or else she will get in trouble. This is why it's so dangerous because a girl with daddy issues, especially at a younger age will feel special if she gets attention from older men and seeks that validation. While older people can see the danger, she doesn't, because she's naive and it's a normal habit of girls whose dads traumatized them. Also just want to say that I don't mean all older men, most men will also see that act as totally creepy.

[@xadalau9758]

I don't think the daddy issues apply only to older men, but men in general that are similar to the girl's father in various ways. My psychologist gave me a similar advice when I told her about the problems i had with my father, and that if I don't make peace with him in some way, I'll end up with a man exactly like him, because of this phenomena you described (of wanting a partner to be a father figure). I'd say this would be the real female version of the Oedipus complex, that if you hate your father, you'll end up marrying him.

[@padslights7697]

@@xadalau9758 Agree with most of what you said but I think the part with ‘’end up marrying him” not only applies if you hate him. The father is the example of how a man should be, so even when he isn’t problematic girls will probably choose someone who has a lot in common with their dads. The way they act, qualities, because it makes them feel safe. The problem with girls with daddy issues is that they feel safe in toxicity and abusive behaviors.

[@xadalau9758]

@@padslights7697 Yes, if you parents have good qualities, you are probably more likely to look for those in other people, but I put an specific focus on hate for what I see around me, and it applies not only to dating. I know people who hate certain behaviors one of their parents have, and then go on to unconsciously mimic them in real life. I would like to know if there's a particular name for it, when one is attracted/pulled towards the things they despise.

[@xadalau9758]

@@padslights7697 It depends on the daddy issue. People who have been abused have a pretty good to chance to be abused again if they don't recognize it as abuse, as in many cases abuse is all that they know. I think in this channel some time ago she read a letter from a girl that had this exact same problem.

[@Raven-qj8xk]

@@xadalau9758 Electra complex is the female version of Oedipus complex!

[@Maderlololohio]

Yes because we don't prepare them well enough in tasks at home and in having the big and deep conversations. Or we just do one and dismiss the other etc. And then we expect them to magically be skilled at these matters suddenly and not just that they themselves resist when attempts are made and also expect themselves to magically have suddenly mastered it all.

[@CSPaffy]

I think the issue is many people take issue with the word 'child' being used interchangeably with the word 'minor'.

[@ladycarys3008]

Being physically mature and having life responsibility is VERY different from emotional and mental maturity and the legitimate impact that sex has on women especially. They are very different. Sexual openness and experience are being pushed younger and younger, while life responsibilities , what people call "adulting", a term I loathe, is being pushed later and later. It should be the opposite. Learn how to function in the world as a person, then add sexual relationships. Saying a teenager can consent to anything sexual and have no negative impacts, especially girls, but that they are too young to drive, work, care for a home and/or children is mind boggling to me.

[@el4244]

Give teenagers avenues where they can show off their responsibilities and their maturity so they don't feel the need to do so in the hands of creeps that praise them for it.

[@arttabletalk32]

I think the word for the relationship you're struggling to describe in this video is mentorship - you are trying to serve as a mentor to your younger sister. That's a role that Western culture has kind of lost sight of in the last century or so as things like apprenticeships have fallen by the wayside. Certainly I never had a good mentor when I was younger. It wasn't really until the second half of my college studies when one professor in particular took time to talk goals and purposes with me did I really get that kind of personal attention that helped me sort myself and set priorities. I went on to try my best to be a mentor to younger men in my twenties. I spent over a decade as a youth coach at my church and what I quickly learned is that young people entering adulthood can make good decisions when they take their time and have good information. But they lack a lot of the experience that gives them good info and they're terrible at snap decisions. The role of a mentor is often to slow down a person staring a big decision and share as much relevant experience as possible. It's also to look forward for the young person, anticipate potential hazards, and get the adolescent thinking about them before they actually face those problems. That way they won't be making a snap decision when that problem comes up. Instead they'll have considered things already and be most of the way to the decision that serves them best already. When it comes to the relationships between men and women mentorship is many times more important. I'm almost forty and I've seen many fully grown, mature men and women snap right back to adolescence whenever that special someone is involved. Everyone, regardless of age, needs someone to mentor them through a romantic relationship, put the brakes on their hormonal impulses and help them think carefully and critically about what's going on. Otherwise they're liable to get hurt, no matter how mature they think they are.

[@almostascenery]

So many videos recently ! MUCH APPRECIATED

[@wascally.white.wabbit]

Really interesting (and agree as Auntie of 17, 20 & 23, all girls) - I've had similar conversations with them about adulthood and pointed out 'passing your driving test doesn't mean you can drive, it means you're competent enough to learn on your own'... but we'll keep an eye on you and give you guidance. Similar feeling to reaching 18 x

[@swordsmen8856]

Ok this will be a long post but I feel its relevant to your point. When I was in college I wanted to grow up as much as I could and being the youngest of three children I was eager to prove myself. I cannot tell you how many situations I got into that could have been easier delt with by asking for help from my older siblings. But also how many situations I would be able to deal with had I just tried to apply myself more. I graduated from college and thought I was wiser than most. Once I saw the real world and got fired from my first job I realized I knew very little. Once I started a new job, I learned new things and learned that adulthood is a process. I still strived to become an adult and now that I've gotten a new job and moved to a new city and finally learned how to build a life for myself I feel like I am a little closer to being an adult. When I got my new job in my nee city covid hit and I had to go two years alone In a new city. It was hard but it taught me about living life and that I have to make my life happen. I have to make my life good no one else can do that for me. Right now My life is really great. But I know i still have alot more to learn about adulthood. But know that I realize I don't know everything, I can tackle things with a greater amount of humility and help. Thanks for the video, its really awesome.

[@versatility1543]

The fact that you had to explain something that was so blatantly obvious is beyond me. Nevertheless, I did appreciated the tree climbing example you gave. I think that helped put things into perspective. I also really appreciate it when you talk about your Grand parents relationship. I can’t remember which video it was because I try to watch all of your longer videos (not in one sitting cause damn they be long) but I believe it was an Andrew Tate video, specifically the parts where you talked about your Grand parents genuine need for one another grabbed my attention more than any comment about randy Andy. Stories about your Grand parents life and their dynamic are deeply so valuable. I would LOVE to hear more about them in your videos! Thank you for your effort in your videos :)

[@neonatalpenguin]

I'm old enough to remember the 90s and early-2000s, when debates about the age of consent always erred the other way. People would make all the arguments you're making about how arbitrary the age barrier is, but then use that as justification for why we shouldn't cast out some rock star or Hollywood actor for having sex with a 15-year-old. That seems unthinkable now.

[@gadflyfiction]

I can speak to some extent about this idea, especially in regards to the coddling of teenagers and you adults within the education system. I do believe one goal of the education systems ought to be guiding these individuals into adulthood. Within the university systems however it really seems more designed to keep them as infantile as possible. Perhaps I am exaggerating, but when I see students I am TAing in classes where I am obliged by the university to give them huge amounts of extra time on their tests and assignments it becomes aggravating. One class has numerous students given over 2 hours to finish a 40 multiple choice test, the official time limit being 35 minutes but a huge portion of the students get well over that limit. Similarly students handing in essays come into classes without having any real experience writing essays, these students have graduated high school and gotten admittance to a university without knowing what the basic concept of an essay is and so they get plenty of extensions and even in some classes will get alternative grading schemes. And with all of these I do my best to help develop the students abilities but the university itself rewards the students for complaining that things are too hard. These students then fail to develop the skill sets for studying or applying themselves in a timely manner and ultimately this will make them struggle and fail outside of the educational system. Those students who do utilize my services as a teaching assistant and take all the feedback onboard go on to be quite successful in their next phase, whether that is entering the workforce or going further in the academic world.

[@LemonieLovegood]

I work at university as well (in Sweden) and there is a similar trend. I got the feeling that this coddling is a byproduct of university being treated more as a customer service now, where the most important thing is that the students "rate" the "service" well. I find it very strange when professors, TAs etc say about students in the lab that "they don't clean, we have to clean up after them", we had to literally tell the professors that they can actually mandate that students clean up after themselves :D

[@gadflyfiction]

@@LemonieLovegood that is a good point there. Over here the university administration tends to really press that idea of being a service business. And so a lot of them are degree mills, just churning out graduates regardless of quality of education. My fields of Classical Studies and Medieval studies are a big example of this as most universities here are removing the Latin or ancient Greek language components of the programs in order to try to attract more students. But then these students come out without the ability to look at primary sources and thus are less capable than those who have the language skills. Also, cleaning a lab seems like it should be a vitally important part of the exercise. Maintaining a sterile environment etc is kind of important for a lot of science stuff.

[@Azdaja13]

Helicopter-parenting usually leads to one of two results. The more common one is the mindless order-follower reliant on authorities and very obedient. We are currently drowning in this type. The rarer one is the resistant type that really values autonomy due to it being constantly violated and unvalued by everyone else around them. The latter is obviously better (though this can lead to the child making really bad decisions and developing trust issues) but there are far more preferable ways of achieving that result that can spare a child needless suffering. "Benign neglect" appears to be the best method as it actually encourages autonomy and gives a child what they need to be their own person.

[@cardinalsfan9610]

Sometimes, people infantilize themselves. I remember there was a gym influencer girl on TikTok, who - when blasting a guy for simply glancing her way - called herself "an underage 21 year old". It's really weird to be an adult and still think of yourself as a kid. Those kinds of things are (hopefully) few and far between, but the expectations of today's teenagers, compared to teenagers of the 2000s/2010s, compared to the teens of the 90s or prior decades, is startling. Personally, my overprotective father made me have a really messed up view of the world. As a result of being forced to emotionally mature faster, I shunned things like teenage dating and thought I had to be a certain person before I could date. Just now, at 31, I'm finally addressing those kinds of issues in therapy. There can be a fine balance of letting teenagers. or college-aged kids figure the world out, protect them, and let them make their own decisions. It is achievable, but we make it harder on ourselves perhaps now more than ever.

[@jakublulek3261]

Honestly, human race became too successful for it's own good, I feel. Our ancestors were dreaming about the comfortable life we are living now! 2 generations back, my extended family was slaughtered by the Nazis, my paternal great-grandfather fought in WWII and maternal great-grandfather was caught up in the famine in India. It is not that far back and I am baffled how different the world was. 16 year olds were given a rifle and sent to fight the worst conflict in human history! There just wasn't time to be a teenager. We have it now, which could be good but also bad. Hard life doesn't necessarily make you a better person.

[@ethanarc]

Sounds like Galatea's family is pragmatic in the most emotionally beautiful way

[@charlotteanneaton1143]

Good clarification. I was one of the commenters concerned about infantilism - I wasn't concerned about coddling as much as the societal trend of treating youth with disrespect by prolonged withholding of agency. Glad you agree that's not cool. And you're 100% right on the Tate question. His admitted behavior is absolutely predatory and makes him a human trafficker.

[@erinrhianne]

Reading some of these comments I am once again blown away by how 60-70% of your audience seem like some of the most intelligent, deep-thinking, compassionate people I'd love to sit and discuss everything over dinner and a glass of wine with, and the rest are, well, Redpill orbiters who follow you to seethe every time you criticize their ideologies, lmao.

[@warrickmiller7651]

Have you considered doing any audio book uploads? You have a cracking voice so you would suit it perfectly!

[@baileymoran8585]

I agree that an 18 year old is an adult but not in the sense that a 25 year old, or even a 21 year old, is an adult. A 30 year old man who is pursuing an 18 year old may not be a pedophile, but they want someone who lacks relationship experience. Its not ‘you are still a baby and can’t have a healthy sexual relationship.’ It’s ‘he is not mature enough to get a gf close to his age and that is a red flag that he will be an extremely toxic partner.’ In those types of relationships, the 18 year old is often more mature than the extremely damaged 30 year old. In the states, there is a huge misconception that at 18, you are just supposed to wake up and be as mature as you will ever be. My mother handled this well. She taught me that my maturity was not the problem, but his… and any man who had to look for and target women my age, are not mature enough to be in a healthy relationship. She taught me that I should have a real man who doesn’t need to date someone barely over half their age. I agree that it might not end up traumatic, but it probably won’t last. If you aren’t ready to be out on you own, people assume you never will be and coddle you forever. We also excuse shitty and stupid behaviors in young people. If you watch a video on someone being arrested for drunk driving, and they are under 30, the comments are full of people saying ‘I hope they didn’t lose their license and got right out the next morning. They are so young.’ I saw this about a 28 year old man.

[@ncored21]

I'm not simping to be clear, but I agree with you once again because we share the same world views. There shouldn't be any confusion to this..you're talking about the impressionable mind that is present in people (young adults mainly). My niece will be 17 this yr & although we taught her to be sensible & responsible she still has alot to learn about being an adult, though she is legally close..I disagree with the emails premise on morality because he's implying that when you take on adult issues you're grown, that is not the case. It could just simply be that the young are taking on more than they should, which you well inferred regarding your grandfather. My little sister is less than a yr younger than me, we're in our bottom 30s & I still feel a sense of responsibility to always look out in her best intrest, we confide in each other as well as the other 3 main women in my life. You're just a great sibling for recognizing the reality of the world & wanting to navigate your sister in it within bounds. I have, am, & will continue to do the same. 😎

[@LizNotLizzy]

You’re so nice. And yes you explained your point clearly. Most people only listen to what they’re capable of hearing. Your point was pretty explanatory the first time around. The idea that coddling is being confused with grooming or inappropriate relations between significant age gaps is hilariously dumb. But you’re nicer than me Galatea. I would’ve just ignored the email and kept making content 😂

[@meganb.higgins973]

On the subject of dating, my fella and I are about six/seven years apart. We're both in our thirties, so that doesn't feel like a big age gap, but when we first met, I was about nineteen or twenty. Even though there might have been attraction there, neither of us acted on that attraction, and it took nearly a decade for us to end up in a relationship. Looking back, I was definitely not mature enough when we first met, and he wasn't ready to be in a serious committed relationship. Timing is everything.

[@ohjesswhatamess]

It's funny how the reasoning in the letter discredited itself for anyone who knows when the brain is fully developed. You make an interesting and very strong point in that they have been obeying trusted adults for so long and need life experience in the real world to deprogram from that before having the ability to fight off predatory people rather than blindly trusting them. Thank you for saying everything I want to yell at the red pill influencers... without sane opinions I fear for my heart.

[@MissMikato]

Thank you for this follow up! I commented that I agreed with you about this in your last video and the vitriol people came at me with was quite shocking, and over something I thought was quite an innocuous statement.

[@poksand1724]

Based on how some adults act now, yes we kind of do

[@nenyeo6090]

fair point.

[@megmcguireme]

So my ex is 15 years older than me. When we met and I was only 20 we absolutely couldn't have a relationship, there was attraction, but the difference was too big. A few years later we were on much more equal standing and able to have a healthy relationship. And even then he took on a mentor role on top of a romantic one.

[@jaanuspapp1333]

27:00 hey hey, trauma is very necessary for growing up, all of the most well adjusted people i know (me included) have been thru a fair bit of shit.

[@bakurascoffeeshop7960]

I didn't thought I could regret losing my Grandparents, before I was able to listen to their stories, even more... but well here I am.

[@gamera5160]

I've seen people coddle teenagers and I have seen people treat teenagers as if they were adults, without a lot of understanding or appreciation for their cognitive and emotional limitations. These are my initial thoughts on the topic, I'll respond more fully when I have a chance to listen to the whole video. Edit: Apparently Galatea said basically the same thing, but with a lot more words and context. So, I agree with her. You shouldn't infantilize 18 year olds, nor should you coerce them into sex work.

[@albertajnstajn9516]

18 year olds are the best s*x workers. Young,inexperienced and willing to learn.. perfect.

[@PenultimatePenPen]

Can highly relate to the sickness thing at the end. My dad is a doctor so faking sick never really worked. He would always know how sick I needed to be to actually miss school

[@pattayaesl7128]

Film every day. Sing songs. Do Churchill impressions. Read poetry or grocery lists. Just so we can see you and hear your amazing brilliant voice.

[@neodigremo]

I would only say that I do not really like the "brain is not developed until the mid 20s" argument. If only because the amount of development in the brain between say 15 and 20 is very different to that between 20 and 25. I think the main issue with how you phrase the argument is a terminology one. The term adult is being used to describe 3 different states including physical maturity, mental development and legal status. It might be easier to describe what we want if we used different terms. 18 must be a legal adult, is a physical adult (and has been for some time probably, even a couple of years) but how mature they are depends on so many things outside of just the age.

[@petite2276]

So i can't help but draw a comparison between your grandfather's experience in the mines to that of medieval squires. Sure these were young boys going into the army, but they were not expected to do all of the duties that a knight is required to do. They were seen as young boys with a huge responsibility but their tasks were more simple, washing dishes, cleaning the armor, staying at camp instead of having to fight. Meanwhile their older mentors were the ones showing them the ropes but in small exponential ways that all accumulate wheb the squires climb the ranks and into their first battle.

[@gabrielle.j]

I would love a video on your parent’s philosophy on parenting! Your dad seems great and so do you. Looks like it was a success to me!

[@unnownunnown3935]

Lol TLDR, young adult means in the process of becoming an adult. Still need some guidance, but less training wheels.

[@laurenrogers]

AWWW HELL YEAH NEW AUTHENTIC OBSERVER VIDEO

[@andrewdiebolt6765]

I think a fairly decent majority of centrists, and even many conservatives would consider specifically going for 18yr old girls, as a guy in their late 30s(especially for ease of manipulation), to be weird or just plainly objectionable. I think you're just running into a lot of pushback, because the people that have this mindset are going to be very outspoken about how their approach is normal, because on some level, they are quite aware that there is something wrong about their approach. In a way... I think this might partially be another side effect of the progressive push to embrace the "minority". The majority have become more and more silent about what is 'normal'. This leaves a vacuum for outliers to take advantage of this environment where in the growing silence, the lines of what is reasonable have become much less clear.

[@t.rae.storyteller]

Scripted or unscripted, it's always a pleasure to hear your thoughts Galatea! (and yes, your explanation makes perfect sense! 👍)

[@almostascenery]

Morning podcast about some obvious stuff that still made me question my whole role as a sister.. I'm on the right channel

[@el4244]

The men that want to date much much younger are often not good men either

[@ehdrake]

*Clicks in expecting a trailer only to find a rambly video* 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿

[@Jeff79621]

I remembered that I haven't seen you in my feed for a while. Good to see you again 😊

[@hannah34218]

You explained everything SO well! Really good job. I’m glad you touched on the point about how in the context of Tate, it’s even worse because they aren’t dating these young girls with the intention of MARRYING them

[@StriderMack]

I definitely think an example of how you don't need to coddle someone to protect them is that kids who aren't allowed to date in their teens are more likely to end up in worse relationships in their early twenties because they didn't have experience with red flags while they had their parents to keep an eye on things. I envy the girls who figured out what a narcissist looks like in high school!

[@matthewbarry376]

The power imbalance is lessened when both parties have a healthy extensive family network in their local community.

[@kellogkyronkorn8195]

Well yes people are not fully matured at 18 that's true but people also need to able deal with responsibilities of real the world. So giving them at an earlier age than actual full biological maturity seems reasonable to me. Experience is the best teacher.

[@miqvPL]

I only know 3 relationships where the age difference was 14 years or more so my knowledge is a bit limited, but in all 3 of them the younger girl was elevated and treated as an adult, not exploited, treated as a kid or whatever power dynamic you are talking about. I know 2 girls involved well enough to know they had to quickly adapt to the older partner in order to meet expectations from his family&friends, they didn't treat it as an opportunity to be kids for longer 'because there's an adult present'. I had a much younger girlfriend once and she was acting more adult than my previous girlfriend who was 2 years older than me, so you might be underestimating young adults a little bit. Unless I was extremely lucky and was just meeting all kinds of exceptions to the rule.

[@diannaparis.]

Most 18 year olds don't realise when they are being taken advantage of my older people because they believe that they are SO GROWN etc. Lets not be naive here lol

[@Jremyisawsome1111]

On the subject of your sister stealing your camera. I suggest pondering the words of an emperor of antiquity - "Strike [her] down. Do not hesitate, show no mercy."

[@gryffindorftw6198]

There are always going to be people who will take what you say the completely wrong way, most people can’t handle nuance, most people can’t properly extrapolate the meaning of what you’re trying to say and so they just jump to extreme conclusions because most people only think in black and white. People like that need things spelled out for them and sometimes not even that works. There’s no point in trying to justify your points to them. If they’re gonna jump to conclusions because of something you said from a Short without even knowing the context in which you said it, then that’s their problem, not yours.

[@gubjarturnilsson4591]

I think for us guys we are hardly fully adult before the age of 30 and some of us need even longer in todays society. I say that having started my own company at the age of 25 fresh out of University. Thinking back I am shocked at how much I've changed and grown since then. It would be hard for me to come face to face with my 25 year old self without being tempted to shove my experience down the throat of my younger self and I imagine the same thing would hold true if I was dating a very young and unexperienced girl. At the very least I'd have to be intently focused on resisting the urge to behave in a paternal or authoritative way. All in all I think it's highly preferable for people to date and pursue their intellectual/emotional peers. I think generally women mature earlier than guys but generally the difference is more like 5 years on average rather than 15 or 20 but this varies greatly based on life experiences and it also varies over different fields of experience. A person can be emotionally mature but have very little working experience or technical knowledge and vice versa. So a partnership can be uneven and work if the intentions of both individuals are pure and born out of the desire to improve the life of ones partner. This idea of manipulating other people to become some form of sexual pets is disgusting and antithetical to every virtue western civilization is built on so it baffles me to see traditionalists champion guys that have promoted such behavior.

[@ShockedBones]

Legalism is the core of the problem here tbh. People take the legal limit as being the line between adult and child when in practicality there's no difference between someone who is 17 years and 365 days old, and someone who is 18 years old. For better or for worse. Wisdom comes in being able to intuit the difference without appealing to the law as an authority. In Scotland the age of consent for sex is 16, so if I as a 35 year old had sex with a 16 year old that would be legal. But it would still be dreadfully immoral regardless of the law, because while the law says that person is old enough to make those decisions, experience and wisdom say otherwise.

[@mattbuchanan325]

I believe that you are thinking about things the right way.

[@jdt846]

I think if I heard an 18 year old was dating a 35 year old I’d think that’s a big age gap and that’s quite dodgy. It’s reasonable to think that, because yes there is a power dynamic in the fact that the man is older and can leave an impression, but younger women can also execute a patriarchal function of targeting wealthier (so typically older) men for financial security and a better lifestyle. So yes, the gaps are dodgy, but through both men and women there can be manipulation to benefit themselves for selfish motivation.

[@official_yunan611]

I think they are coddled. Back in the day a 16 year old was a "mini adult". Nowadays a 16 year old is seen as a "child'. But maybe it is for the best, idk. Who am I to judge?

[@liva.2513]

Adding to your first point here, I knew a girl in the sixth grade (age 11-12) who stopped growing taller at 5'2" (roughly 157 cm). She was "full grown" at 11. This guy thinks that's an adult?

[@jackthehat1093]

She wasn't fully grown at 11. She hit puberty early. Her body is still developing even if you didn't notice it. Bone development, brain development etc.

[@hopefull61256]

​@@jackthehat1093 the brain is still developing till 25....

[@MissPopuri]

The growth of children to adults is not like the cabbages and turnips in a garden. You plant the seeds in a plot of dirt and fertilize, water until they become ripe. Vegetables don’t have brains or interior souls like humans. Psychiatrists like Freud made a huge deal about complexes because humans are more complex than the simple creatures they have power over.

[@johnrockwell5834]

Yuck.

[@elizabethruben5004]

I wouldn’t consider myself to be *overly* coddled. My parents provided food, shelter, an excellent education, emotional support, and a way to pursue my interests. But they’ve also let me make mistakes, let me be independent and choose my life path, and generally haven’t pressured me into things even if it’s “for my own good”. I’ve never had sex or been in a relationship, I got my driver’s license in college, I have a good semi-adult relationship with my parents, and my mom still buys me clothes. I’m legally and physically an adult but I certainly don’t consider myself to be mentally or emotionally an adult. If anything, I feel like I’m in my mid-teens mentally. I’m aware of this but am also aware that I can’t act stupidly without risking my professional and emotional future. I also know that I need to learn certain “adulting” skills like cooking, baking, and cleaning the house. We all mature at different rates and I think the best strategy to manage that is give the kid a chance to explore who they are while providing an emotional safety net (and financial, if possible) so they don’t fear failure and are more inclined to try new things. Some kids, like me, don’t care about spreading their wings until the last possible moment. But you shouldn’t stifle them *or* push them out of the nest before they’re ready. There might come a point at which “I’m focused on my studies” or “I’m nervous about the world” becomes “I’m mooching off of people” but that point is certainly not at 18 years old.

[@jonathanstensberg]

It’s almost like people progress through a continuous stream of development from embryo to elderly…

[@jessicacharlton7347]

I'm disgusted with the person who said people are adults once they stop growing. I really think you were way too easy on this person. First of all, girls stop growing taller about 2 years after they start menstruating. I got my period at 9 years old and was "fully grown" at 11 years old. This implies that I was an adult at 11, and that it would be okay for adult men to hit on me at that age. Second of all, girls are "fully grown" at a much earlier age than boys are. It's common for boys to reach 18 years old and still not be "fully grown", but it's rare for girls to not be "fully grown" by 18. If we only cared about when a person is "fully grown", then this fact would make it convenient to justify relationships between young adult men and teenage girls. As long as the man was still growing, he could legally date a 12 year old girl, or possibly younger, if society decided that people become adults once they stop growing.

[@alexanderiofepirus5138]

“Benign neglect” I like that 😂😂

[@ulaznar]

Great parenting style from your parents ^^

[@dariaborisova7490]

I don't believe I was coddled, BUT I am 19, I work full time in my prof. field and am a uni student. I still live with my parents. Since I am surrounded by adults, many push me to move out since I am not independed because my mother's word means a lot to me, I have to be home a certain time and have to tell her where I am and with who. I have had several conversations about this with my mother. I even once came home crying from a party because I was being pressured there to disobey my mother and not come home for the night.(Imagine my mother's reaction when her daughter came home drunk and crying saying she loved her) My mother and I have come to a conclusion, that her requests are made out of concern for my safety. Also, she doesn't mind if I move out, but she sees that I'm not ready and that when I will be, I won't ask for a premission to move out and I agree. Everyone expects me to be a full grown adult because I now have a job and can pass my exams, but I am still stupid in a young adult kind of way

[@Sock-Monster-Simian]

I was initially confused by the emailer's point, because I thought he was talking about brain development. It made it a very confusing argument, but that was quickly fixed (I think. I still don't really understand what he was trying to get at. Whatever, the rest of the video is fine).

[@warrickmiller7651]

Ayyy always a good day when you upload 😊

[@justwonder1404]

It literally took me 1 minute this time to find it after it was uploaded, KZbin really does know me