Do You Feel Constantly Ashamed Of Yourself?

In this video, Sean Cooper of ShynessSocialAnxiety.com talks about toxic shame, one of the possible core causes of your social anxiety

[@MrJoeypoos]

I have toxic shame. I'm like "Why don't people like me?" and then I'm like "Why would people like me?" and then I say "I don't deserve to have people like me" and finally "I hate myself, so everyone else has a right to as well".

[@xPrototyPeHDx]

+Joe Mann I came to the exact same conclusion. Its even worse when you cant change anything on it or you have to live with it

[@AspergersversusNeurotypicals]

I felt this and still do on occasion (since it's a pesky neuronal pattern that is resistant to deletion haha). so I proceed to write down all the awesome things about myself, and then list several people who openly appreciate my traits. I also focus on the benefits of various traits. then, i start to feel likeable. I also admit to repeating a mantra to myself: May I be loved and loving." it shifts my self-hatred to self-neutrality.

[@wiggy425]

my life relates to this too well

[@happypotter23]

Joe Mann same

[@6703445]

You've summed it up quite nicely; I feel exactly this way too. It happens more often when I see myself in the mirror and realize I will never be beautiful or attractive like Liv Tyler or Megan Fox. I don't expect men to like me when I don't even like myself.

[@TheGBurns]

sean if you ever feel like you dont have enough views or your channel isnt big enough, just remember that you are helping me and thousands of other people immensely.

[@yarpen26]

+PancakeJesus yeah, you''re telling the truth... no amount of views would ever communicate to him what kind of feeling it is to hear what you have always wanted to hear, that you're not just a piece of garbage for other people to trip over

[@jessicasprouse8024]

Yes he's helping methank you yt guys

[@tatianaelagina8980]

I feel hugely ashamed of talking about the things I truly love. Mostly because I feel like I'm exposing the most vulnerable and important part of myself. And also because I'm terrified of being judged for the things that are dear to me. I'm ashamed of how passionate I can get. It turns me into a very negative and boring person.

[@L8MeGuess]

Tatiana Elagina this is me. I feel that my passion is misconstrued as something antisocial and people see me as a problem person. Bad experience in the past doesn’t help either. I feel like I want to disappear after I display genuine intense care about something. With my BPD symptoms my interests are usually intense. There’s no mild expression in my dictionary. There’s no lessez faire attitude for me. I drink a lot now so I don’t feel intense emotions when I’m alone. Which makes me be alone. Which is ok because I’m safe from everyone’s judgments

[@flueepwrien6587]

Shiiitt i feel you so much

[@just_peace]

Just one like is not enough

[@mennehgambia1962]

yeah, i feel the same since i was bullied for that back in middle and high school lol

[@dennisvdb4740]

Same here. How are you doing now 2 years later? Still having these problems or did you get rid of it?

[@ricardocantoral7672]

I feel ashamed of myself all the time. I feel stupid all the time because I can't concentrate on anything. I rarely hang out with anyone and I feel lonely.

[@seasons1146]

i feel like I'm worthless i mean no matter how hard i try at life i cannot succeed I'm always behind everyone I'm not good at my grades at studying at talking at presentations anything everyone makes fun of me they say i laugh too much and that i shouldn't and I'm not good at worldly life nor religious one I'm a nobody and worthless a burden to my parents and family. i shouldn't even be alive.

[@owoolleyi]

I

[@selenemariscal5475]

I relate very much to you

[@ronishsilwal4308]

Same brother We could be best friends if we know eachother

[@jordanseaborn4780]

Bushra Fatima I feel the same ima run away as soon as possible

[@hanna1god305]

😢😷 I hate living this way...

[@inkorporeal204]

I wish you the best

[@user-ih5fk7yw3f]

so do I 😭😭😩😩

[@frankchuka8296]

you r not alone

[@justbeyoualways8210]

Nobody wants to be like this...

[@ukhtiiiojo9186]

I think of it like allow who you want in your world, all the people who shame you aren't in your world in fact I wasn't in your world before I wrote this, you are the only person in your world which you should come to love more and more because ppl are fickke and don't add much unless you allow them (hence you adding them to your world) make yourself whatever you want if you care about beauty your the hottest in your world (personally I don't think that's healthy but dosent matter cause its your world hehe) but yh for me I only have me my family and 1 to two friends into my world which really helps I don't need everyone else in my world they fr don't matter because this is gonna sound sad af but even my family and friends when they pass away won't be in my world anymore so yh you only have you so just LOVE U the world will always want u to prove yourself but who cares just be U and love your own world u create ❤️

[@tarynlm1553]

I definitely struggle with this, it's so so painful and makes me hate myself, I never knew there was a name for it

[@myplaylist6225]

Me. Too

[@user-td3ut4tg3v]

I just discovered it..

[@odizaii1700]

Me too. I just discovered it

[@M_K213]

Me to

[@Norahungary]

I finally know its name! I feel ashamed of my existence, my face, hair, voice, body, opinion, job, family, interests, the way I walk...EVERYTHING! Horrible.

[@khalidabdulsemed4782]

Well why don't we be freinds and face this problem. What do you think. I'm 24\7 online so don't refrain from replying. Byee

[@Thank-u-so-much-for-everything]

How much kind you are be

[@Brisco1]

I think you hit the nail on the head about "toxic shame", at least for me. If someone's underlying belief about themself is "I'm not worthy" or I'm defective", then nothing else they learn about social skills, overcoming anxiety or making friends will make a lick of difference. I think that's where I am, identifying my self-talk, the things I've been telling myself about myself, without even realized I was doing it. Keep doing what you're doing bro!

[@scottfless1870]

This opened my eyes and told me what I am suffering from. Had it my whole life and I was able to fake it and be social in the right settings for me but mostly threatened and intimidated because of my lack of confidence. And usually felt nervous in crowds. Made friends but wanted everyone to like me. I rarely leave the house anymore which makes me even more ashamed. But very safe I force myself to do the basic things but I have zero motivation. Add to that a few health issues which complicates things even more. I end my day with plans for tomorrow then procrastinate. Have many bad memories of childhood from narcissistic mother that I can’t stop ruminating over. I used to be energetic but there was always something about me that felt disconnected and lost. Ashamed to post this but was good to get off my chest

[@BeastinBelle365]

Scott Fless this touched me!!! My same feelings exactly..

[@hamzahimran3447]

prayers for you

[@fowzziabegum3397]

Thank you for sharing this I'm in similar situation.

[@eLSkilo]

Brothers I think we should seek help, like psychologist or something

[@SibongiseniM]

You not alone brother

[@KJ-pu8dw]

Toxic shame is a symptom of complex ptsd. Emotional flashbacks are spoken of here around the 7th minute.

[@briang2481]

Im 27 and ive felt this everyday of my life 😌 please keep making video's I really needed this..

[@drawmaster77]

I am definitely struggling with this and I've went through hell because of it. I've just started more proactively engaging with people and realized how terrible I am at any social interaction, but I've locked myself out from the world for the majority of my life, so no surprise there.. I don't see any other way around this... I really think the only solution is to force yourself to go out and interact with other people, get out of your comfort zone, no matter how much you may want to crawl up in your corner. I don't believe any gurus or books or expensive psychiatrists will help you... They just want to make money on your suffering... Only you can help yourself, and nobody else. And it's gonna be bad, and it will get worse before it gets better... so don't get upset over failures. Take my advice for what's it worth, which isn't much, but I practice it myself and hope to improve one day :)

[@Crimson11100]

I do force myself to socialise and also I need to go to work, but the more I spend time with people the more I find things to be ashamed of. Things I've said and done. I wish I could wipe my mind clean every time I have this feeling.

[@drawmaster77]

***** I absolutely know what you mean. I just want to punch myself after some interactions. But honestly the more you interact the less you start to care. Shame fades.. Worst you can do is stop interacting and brood on those few failed incidents.

[@coppercoin0721]

chebz I suffer and have suffered with this my entire life. The good news is that Jesus Christ took all of our guilt and shame on the cross so that we no longer have to live under the weight of it. He said to "Take my yolk upon you, for my yolk is easy and my burden light.". He cares for your soul and has made a way of escape. Praise God! If you don't know the Savior you can ask HIm into your heart and life today. He will show you a new identity in Him that is amazing and without spot or blemish! My struggle has been in remembering His finished work on the cross and applying it. I pray you find true peace in the Prince of Peace, Jesus Christ.

[@pedrogonzales9202]

I could have written this. It’s really a recent revelation that is hitting me full force. I’m a turtle under a rock! I do ofrece it - and it helps but I never completely broke through. Thanks

[@orgnar549]

Penny Fulce I have tried so many times to ask for salvation, pray to the Lord, but my life is still in ruins, and has been for years. I lose faith everytime because I never get an immediate result. Help please

[@ajdeupickumaterinu]

I feel embarrassing abt everything I do. Like I can send a message to a teacher and I'll feel like they hate me sm. Or if I'm in a train and suddenly feel like everyone is laughing at me :/

[@Channel24377]

Same I think it’s social anxiety actually I’m pretty sure I’ve had it for years.

[@yessirrr5182]

I feel ashamed when I'm working knowing in the back of my head my perants don't own a house, 1 doesn't work and 1 works but he doesn't have any brains for the future, I feel ashamed knowing in the back of my head I'm just a rubbish collector with no goals in life, all I do is work come home eat sleep and repeat, why do all these people's perants have multiple houses and I don't, how come this guy gets all the chick's I don't, how come this guy gets looked after and I don't, I think people hate me,

[@MasterChhean]

I can relate to the the part about sending a message to a teacher and feel like they hate me and the fact that one of my professors read my message and didn't respond at all just reinforced that feeling

[@Channel24377]

@@yessirrr5182 people don’t hate you theirs a lot of people with a similar life why do you think many stimulus checks where given because of people struggling with money I myself can get insecure about this things too my parents don’t own a house either and I have social anxiety so I struggle with work and money I became a medical assistant but yet don’t work in that field and I work at a regular job but yet I know I’m worth it same as you but our brains just tell us otherwise but trust me when I say we all struggle and you’re not alone.

[@yessirrr5182]

@@Channel24377 yeah I get that insecure feeling when I'm out knowing I'm not rich and I don't have it all, but then again I'm like noone leaves this world with anything

[@LikesGuitarStuff]

Thank you. Thought it was only me in he whole wide world who felt like this.

[@SpaceCattttt]

Well, I'm 40, and I've had toxic shame all my life. But since I was 14, I've also had BDD, or Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which in combination with the shame and general social anxiety has made it completely impossible for me to function as a normal human being on a social level. I'm not imagining my flaws. I most certainly have them. The problem is that I can't accept them. After being bullied at school because of my appearance, and after decades of self-hatred and shame, it's not just something I can turn off. The pain, humiliation, agony and loneliness is always there, except for a few precious moments when I manage to focus on watching a film or reading a book. But whenever I'm around people, the tension is extreme. I can't let them see my flaws, so I cover them up with clothing. I can't say the wrong thing, so every word is premeditated and not spontaneous. I can't perform an action or move in a way that attracts attention to me, so I freeze up and become stiff as a board. It's exhausting to go through life without being able to relax and just be yourself. I can't have relationships or friends or work because, whenever I'm out in public, I must do and behave ONLY in the particular ways that make me feel somewhat secure. It's a coping mechanism for getting through life at all. And I suppose you could also call it self-preservation. But it's a negative one, and in the long run, it's doing nothing but making my problems worse and my dependency on feeling protected from society stronger. When all you have are insecurities, you latch onto whatever makes you feel better or safe. It becomes a drug. And after 26 years of constant use, I no longer think it's possible for me to ever be rehabilitated. I've tried the therapies and medications, and nothing worked. I just don't like myself, and I don't want to like myself when I look like I do. I mean, if I liked myself, it would only be in terms of accepting that I look like shit but not minding it. And that doesn't sound very positive to me. It's a bit like "Yeah, it's awful. But what can you do?". And my age doesn't help things either. My best years are behind me. The years when I should've explored things and had a girlfriend or two and gained experiences have all been wasted, and all because I didn't want to leave the house. Even my therapist told me that it's a shame I didn't seek help earlier, because then he might've been able to do something about it. And that doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, you know? But thanks for giving me the phrase "toxic shame". I've never heard it expressed that way before, so at least now I have another thing to Google whenever I want to read about how hopeless my life is.

[@Feber2001]

Your life is not hopeless... You're still breathing, which means it's possible experiencing joy. You CAN become the person you deserve to be (I know that's very cheesy, but I feel similar, like you do). I'm still a young adult, and I haven't done the things most people have, in my particular age group. I hate myself, even the way I physically look. My mannerisms drive people away, which forces me to despise myself even more..The Truth is, there are many individuals out there, who have difficulties coping with their shame...It's not easy, and I hope you can find a way to feel life again. Blessings to You, and have a good day.

[@christellelabossiere4007]

Thank u so much for sharing, you're amazing. You're stronger than you know. I know you said rehabilitation seems impossible at this point. I understand to an extent because social anxiety is real, anxiety is real. However, anxiety lies to us, and can become a drug, this toxic shame is a drug and a liar. I hope that you surround yourself with ppl who accept you and can listen/be there for u. It's comforting to know that we are not alone is this. I recommend writing in a journal or having an outlet to express yourself and every now and then sharing with one person or 2 or 3 or how ever many you want. But remember, you're seriously more powerful and amazing than you know. And God loves u💛

[@lv4984]

Everything you said, the hopelessness, to which I can relate also, are a consequence of toxic shame and are not real. You said you are yourself when you focus on something like a movie or a book and so It Means that you can be "normal", you just don't give it enough space.

[@Inigarzz]

I'm 25 and I too, am a lost case. I wish it were something to do with my physical appearance but my problem is that I'm dumber than a 5 year old and I get reminded of this every time I try to give myself another chance to speak or do something. And then there are the "cheerleaders", people giving false hopes and hyping me up to do something. Honestly, I think they also know that I will fail, but to clear their conscience by acting like they care they drive me to even more certainty that I am hopeless. But why am I writing this? Why did I search for and watch this video? I don't know. As I said, Im dumb. But, reading your story was enjoyable, so thanks. I hope you enjoy mine too

[@ciabrister2464]

Thanks for posting your comment. And I'm 45 to , I'm unhappily single , and just coping with work stress very well at this time in my life. I'm reading this because I'm here for a reason watching this video. You sharing your experience opened the Box of emotions that I feel & could not express. You describe it so well. I've lived in the similar experiences that you have, and my best years, I wouldn't say are behind me, but they're literally gone!!! I just wanted to say thank you. I couldn't afford a therapist and still can't. I'm on some BS medication that doesn't work because that's all I can afford. (Indigent healthcare) And I may even be emotionally immature. I've been in so many abusive relationships that I literally don't anyone! I don't tell people what I'm going through. I find myself repeatedly in toxic environments { like a job, around family, dealing with any public situation or private- like neighbors or landlords. I don't know how to stop this cycle, and I don't want to be this way !!! The common denominator is me. I'm unhappy and sometimes I get truly depressed enough to want to end it, but I just deal with it alone

[@r4nts]

Man, please keep doing these videos. I know they don't get you a ton of views, but they've helped me so much -- you can't even imagine.

[@cmelanso3371]

this was just the video I was looking for. "whats personal is universal" well saiddd

[@beautifuldreamer8803]

I appreciate your shared knowledge, I can tell you have really studied a lot about this subject in order to beat it. I want to do the same.

[@themacocko6311]

Beautiful Dreamer I don't get how pretty girls have an issue with this... You are constantly bombarded with people willing to get to know and accept you.

[@dearselene7118]

@@themacocko6311 Maybe because they're pretty they have toxic shame? The reason of my toxic shame is because of my decent life, they night have the same issue. And who says they believe that they're beautiful?

[@victoria-le7ew]

TheMacocko just because you can be bombarded with people who want to know and accept you doesn’t mean you FEEL like you SHOULD have those people around you. i’m a good looking person myself. i know that’s because guys are always talking to me. i feel worthless though. i feel like when they ask me how my day went it’s just their way of making conversation with a beautiful girl. that no one cares. hope that helps ur confusion

[@theotherway1639]

Good vid. The book "30 Days to Overcome Shame" by Harper Daniels, was also a big help.

[@Nacho-pd5dh]

I struggle to maintain strong-bonded relationships with friends. When I meet someone and begin talking to them, at some point I just blank out and stop talking to them. They can be the most sweetest, coolest people I've ever spoken to and I let it slip away every time

[@lottahandmark7343]

This video made me cry. Thank you for spreading your knowledge

[@amberlylove2847]

I feel like This at times and unworthiness when it comes to having good things / or good people in my life. Kinda like I’m waiting for the ball to drop. It’s hard for me to except love/ positive attention. Like I am not worthy of it. Idk how to explain it. I think my childhood played a big part in why I am the way that I am. Idk the way I see/ feel about myself is the opposite Of what others see me as.

[@disdainforplebs3020]

Once again Sean you are spot on. I find so many parallels between your personal experiences and my own, I too get caught up in memories and thoughts of deeply traumatic moment's in my past and all the intense emotions I felt back then re-emerge to the surface. The intensity of these powerful emotions makes me fly into a rage and I start shouting and punching things, as if I am being pulled back into that moment to re live it all over again. But anyway I just wanted to thank you for helping me understand the root of my problems, and I see now that this whole thing I am dealing with is a manifestation of TOXIC SHAME. I don't think I would have come to this realization without your invaluable input, truly you are a light in this darkness.

[@PeterShieldsukcatstripey]

Thank you Sean. This is my story too. I've never heard it so eloquently expressed. So grateful to you.

[@loisdahl3847]

Never have I heard someone else describe these horrible attacks of shame and embarrassment! Appreciate it

[@sald1521]

I recently realized that everything I do is driven by shame. I cut a lot of people off because I hated who I was. When I want to talk to someone I take what I want to say through many filters to sound as nice as possible and sometimes I end up saying nothing. I need to get rid of this mentality and say what I actually want to say even if it will annoy people. Im done living this way, it is sucking the life out of me!!! I hope I can follow through with this

[@sandroselladore3506]

The comments filled with ppl who do exactly what I do are so eye opening, I thought this was normal and that everyone was just better than me at dealing with it.

[@johnl805]

I have also recently learned this about myself. I have been through so much in my childhood that fed into this. I wish I wasn’t this way. I’ve been in therapy for over 10 years but I always seem to slip back into this. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Good luck to you! I hope we can both overcome this! ❤

[@deborahbrennan4804]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being open and for being brave in sharing your experiences and your kindness in helping people. This is the first video I have watched of yours and seriously this has helped me tremendously. I have been in therapy for years on and off and rarely has advice struck a cord with me. Seriously thank you, thank you so much, I'm gonna binge watch all your videos. If I could hug you through the screen I would. You made something click in my brain! Thank you again. X

[@tals8224]

thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. You have helped me realize I have toxic shame and you also helped me feel like I'm not alone !

[@kikisounds]

I have done many embarrassing things. Everywhere I go I create some embarrassing moments which haunt me for the rest of my life. I have Adhd with a very impulsive behaviour and slight anxiety. All the embarassing things I have done is in front of many people including my parents. I often think that my parents feel shameful for giving birth to me. Sometimes I feel shameful to the point that I want to die. I'm a social person but I can't share my shameful acts with my friends I'll feel embarassed. I cannot talk to my relatives like my cousins do. They talk to them like they talk to their friends but I, afraid of feeling judged because of my forgetful ass and clumsy behaviour cannot talk to them without stuttering and looking dead. These days I'm forgetting a lot too like forgetting people's names. Ugh I hate myself I wish God gives me a break. I sometimes want to commit suicide because of this but I'm scared that I'll go to hell and God won't forgive me but I don't deserve to live. As if all these aren't enough my left ear is ringing since 2 weeks. It's driving me crazy. I went to the doctor and he said it's because of wax I'm hoping it's true and once I get my ear wax removed this ringing will stop. Tomorrow I'm going to get it removed. I wish atleast this isn't my fault. I have been called mentally ill by a girl but I was defended by my best friend. I'm thankful for my friends and parents but those are the only things I'm thankful for. I often feel like a burden to my family. I wish to get lost somewhere in the woods and never return. I wonder why God has created me like this. I just wish to live a normal life like others without feeling guilty and ashamed.

[@SHafiz-gh5zv]

Anxiety and shameful act gave you a degree of embarrassment that you never commit it again, for example people have adhd like me, make sound when I eat, but there was an occasion when people looked at me I’m weird animal, so from the micro expression that they gave me, make me want to eat properly, if you ask me, it still embarrassing till now, then the answer is yes, but it embracing that help me, my advise is that“ people who had adhd doesn’t have any auto social awareness like normal people, we learn that through other reaction that make us felt embarrassed.

[@galaxygkm4696]

Can’t believe I just found this video, it’s so relatable.

[@juliapinzon9970]

This video is incredibly helpful, as is all of your other videos. Thank you so much for making these!

[@ashishupadhyay2316]

Man i have felt like this all most all times. Its due to a fact that i saw my flaws as pointed out or described by others. The more i got criticized, the more i believed all those critics. Its such a downward spiral once you start believing all negative things about yourself only because you start acting in that way and the more it becomes evident. Never ending cycle. How do we get rid of something that we have lived our life on? I don’t know yet, but videos like yours makes me want to find out and encouraged. Thank you!

[@jclyntoledo]

Self love and compassion, getting an emotional support circle, learning how to emotionally regulate, establishing and enforcing boundaries, reading "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker and lastly therapy.

[@user-vt4wc1jn2h]

Wow.. you just really opened my eyes, man... thank you so much for making this video, I have been struggling with this problem for literally most of my life Feels strangely... validating to see someone sharing the same experiences + actually talk about it

[@Ellutube12]

Hey Sean, thanks for uploading this video, for explaining and sharing!

[@richardb7495]

This is so well done and made me feel i was not alone in my social anxiety and shame and hatred of myself! Thank you very much Sean for putting this out there and being so relate-able and down to earth!

[@facioergosum2445]

This video hits too close to home. I'll come back another day.

[@bIabber]

Your video showed up on my feed at the time I needed it the most. Really helped with making me realize that toxic shame is something that needs to be worked on first, before anything else. This is a perfect step in direction towards personal improvement. Really great, thank you for sharing.

[@julieschofield4594]

Thanks Sean, this is a great perspective on a root cause of social anxiety. You are amazing. Thank you.

[@DukaMongolian]

Your videos worth millions and millions of view! Thank you so much! I feel so glad I found your videos, I think it has a power to help so many people. Keep up the good work!!

[@pogorajan1]

Truly cathartic after listening to you. Your summary of toxic shame very much resonates with what I am going through. You have helped me a lot. Wish you the best Sean

[@Feber2001]

This deserves more views. Thanks for uploading!

[@Doctormario4600]

Fantastic video. Have shared this with a lot of my friends who go through the same self-hatred and self-doubt that I do. You rock dude.

[@dewretoz]

Oh my god thank you for helping me out so much I couldn't find out why I feel the way I do and I stumbled on this video on accident. I can't thank you enough for showing me why I felt this way all my life thank you dearly.

[@LonjeMarie7]

Thank you, you Are making a difference the fact that you’re a transparent you help to heal others ,and especially to heal yourself.That Takes tremendous courage to be authentic and to say this is what I used to suffer with, so I can help you not to suffer!!

[@lynettehoselton9519]

That was so helpful and insightful. I look forward to watching your other videos. I am sick of living in toxic shame. Thank you for helping others who are struggling and for sharing your experience.

[@Kingofmyworld87]

great video man, will definitely be checking out more. helped a lot

[@halodebbarma3660]

Thank you Sean, I've wasted years rolling around in circles suffering inside, being bullied as a kid and not able to look at myself at the mirror, I shut everyone out, eventually my life became worse, I'm not able to make eye contact when I speak, and my life is totally a mess. I'm 28 and now I find you. Thank you once again for reaching me out.

[@hassanjaber8169]

I'm 20 years old and i thought I was the only one going through this before clicking this video. Thank You for sharing your experience. I always knew I had this I just didn't know there was a name for it and that all my symptoms are included in it.

[@declanmeehan1009]

Thank you thank you thank you. This is so powerful and point for me. I feel your pain brother, everything you say. It's a really accurate overview of what this problem is, I've never heard it called toxic shame. This is so welcome.

[@justphil.4698]

Dude you completely spoke to me.. thank you so much

[@beatriza9115]

Thank you for this video. Now it makes all sense why I’ve been feeling this way for so many years!

[@heytampon]

Thank you so much bud. I had no idea that any of the symptoms you describe were caused by toxic shame and i'm so grateful to know that there's nothing wrong with me and that I can heal it with help.

[@laylarahman11]

You're very articulate :) And I love the way deliver the perspectives that it really resonates well with us.Keep up the good work. Best of luck.

[@plan4life]

Fantastic video. I was researching toxic shame for the book I am writing, but never once imagined it would apply to my life. You basically have given me the reason for everything bad in my life. When you were talking about social anxiety, isolating away from others, feeling deep loneliness in your life, not being able to connect with others, not being able to speak with others, etc etc you described my life and my difficulties perfectly. I thought my issues were my agoraphobia and my fear of insects, but I never realised it was so much deeper. I am constantly worried about doing something that will cause embarrassment or shame or anything that will cause people to look down on me. The reason being because I have been repeatedly shamed for just about everything I have done, whether by my parents or siblings, kids at school, or people in my work and daily life as an adult . I don’t remember once in my life when someone has lifted me up or really supported me. Except for my husband. He does bring me down sometimes when I accidentally say something stupid and he talks down to me, but when I have crazy ideas that I hope will make a difference to my life, he always supports me and stands by me. Somehow I have to hold on to that and try and forget all the bad things that have happened in my life that haunt me on a daily basis. I know I am worthy, but I don’t know how to convince others of that, so they continue to treat me as if my feelings don’t matter.

[@evnomiaiw2244]

Your video has just enligtened me in such an inspiring way to take action immediately in releasing the toxic shame which I hadn't known that I had hidden inside all this time! Thank you for creating this extradinory video!

[@jamesmaxwellmagat2150]

Thanks for sharing this Sean. Just to share with you, I've been suffering from Toxic Shame for decades thanks to my society and my previous religion.

[@irishelder1485]

Hey man, I really wanted to thank you for making this video. I never realized that I had toxic shame and you talking about it helps me a lot. I can now suddenly see things in myself that I didn’t before en begin to change those. Also I never hear much about this subject when social anxiety is being talked about, so in conclusion this has been extremely helpful, Thankyou!

[@mosim9691]

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now I know it was a dark cloud of toxic shame that was following me around. This video has helped me to become free as I'm on my healing journey. Again, thank you for blessing me😇🌻

[@michaeldempsey3471]

thanks for the work and the compassionate eye you throw over us, sufferers of toxic shame. I really enjoyed this video and it's heart warming to know that other people do struggle and to remind us that we're all flawed human beings. Having people around that care about each other and can create a space for one another where one can feel authentic and heard is really what we need to strive for.... the rest can simply flow from that point on.

[@michaeldempsey3471]

also i want to add that i found your delivery very nice. a nice steady slow pace without dragging and a lot of emphasis on important words. i point it out because when one feels overwhelmed, fast speech can feel quite oppressing. really appreciate your thoughtful approach

[@ChanelROETV]

This video is seriously so helpful. Thank you so much for posting

[@jdglen24]

For years i have searched for the center of what was wrong with me...like where did the anxiety even come from? I have looked everywhere except a therapist...felt like they would call me crazy...but this is the absolute first time i have watched or heard anything that truly resonated with me...i thought i couldnt be fixed..im subscribing and thankyou so much!!! I accidentally clicked on this but this was exactly what i was looking for...

[@yvasquez2449]

I have been going through this lately, bringing up to the light. I realised I have felt ashamed of myself almost all my life...like there is something intrinsically wrong with me and people will despise me for it. Now I don’t feel in that way that much but the process is far from over...I have noticed now that normal shame, of things I have done, last for a long time, I struggle to let it go and forgive myself for whatever I have done. I think is another arm of the same monster, different face.

[@sandroselladore3506]

I feel you exactly!

[@stanlee3041]

most of my life I have suffered from mental illness. I hallucinate at night hearing nocking, banging and what I think are rocks being thrown at my house wakeing me up several times dureing the night. my neighbour has invited me to a camp fire in her back yard I think im being set up to be attacked and robed or murdered. I went out once last year. I went out for the day with a new friend and I ruined it I thougt he was setting me up so people could rob my house while we were gone. I wish I was dead I hate living in hell every day hearing voices ect...... god help me I want to be free from myself.

[@hamzahimran3447]

I pray you turn out okay

[@TimMillernapavalleyfilmworks]

Love you man your'e not alone in this. Take Peace. Praying your'e still alive.

[@user-td3ut4tg3v]

God bless

[@mariyaalexandramilan1383]

Thank you very much, Sean!!! What a profound information, you have helped me a lot by forming this thought together and giving it a voice! Thank you for helping people❤️

[@Britton_Thompson]

Okay, great video describing Toxic Shame. I definitely have it. Now, the ten million dollar question- How the hell do you overcome it? As good as this video was, I didn't hear any advice on how to slay this eternal dragon of mine.

[@serenarossi8480]

Therapy, as it is probably rooted in your first years of life or in the way you've been raised anyway.That 's why we are unconscious of this behaviour

[@livenfree]

Britton Thompson His help he says is available at his website listed in the video description. Also there is a book a counselor once recommended for me: Healing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw on Barns and Nobles site for $1.99

[@L8MeGuess]

Britton Thompson I actually like to learn deeply what’s happening with me and if others feel it too. I don’t like when people throw around “positive advice “ on the internet. I have a therapist.

[@ThriveWithLouise]

you need to feel it and then use a tool to shift it, emdr is good, meditation specifically sufi meditation (that worked for me) eft, there are lots of techniques, but the energy must shift, also there are layers. each time a new layer comes up you work on it until you get to the core. also prayer is good too to ask a higher power to help you shift that energy. you can combine all those things to shift it.. what i found is at the core of my shame was a deep feeling of not feeling worthy

[@TheHayley911]

This topic really resonates with me. Shame has contributed to overall avoidance -social and otherwise- for me. Stress-related ailments often, ironically, stress me out terribly. I really appreciate the specific acknowledgment of this acute shame - I feel like there needs to be more discussion about self identity and it's causes. Thanks Sean.

[@rangimariemakowharemahihi-8312]

Thank you Sean. I’m glad I found this before I went down the hole!! Beyond grateful xx

[@Badboyifier]

First time to hear about this from this channel, not that it makes it easier to heal but at least to know what the core problem is, is a huge leap just to get the hope back to return once who you were before it screw you up, Thanks Sean!

[@fiercest_calm]

Wow! I needed this video. You were very informative and helpful. Thanks for posting this!!

[@rainbowmagic3585]

I constantly feel ashamed of everything. I feel shame right after speaking. I have a habbit of sticking to saying yes, no, morning, I'm fine everyday. Whenever i say anything else it stresses me out. I reached a point when any social interaction becomes an embarrassing memory. I have no friends and I feel uncomfortable talking even to my family. As for appearance there's nothing that I like about myself. I cover all my body even during summer. Even though I'm underweight I always feel fat.

[@cn2772]

Me too😭

[@franklinsukmynutz5062]

Holy shit this is the best video I have seen in terms of actually helping myself... thank you... and when you said secrets.. at first i thought I didn't have any.. then i thought about it and realized that I do have a few things that I don't even think I can admit out loud to myself... they scare the fuck outta me and is a huge reason to why I hate myself and am ashamed... I don't know if I will ever get better... It's so scary to see that delusion and denial unfold right before your eyes...

[@fransinclair3356]

Thankyou, I really enjoy your videos and you seem like a genuine person. cheers

[@papipowers1]

Very well and structured teaching. Keep up the GREAT work! Thank you.

[@DanielRuiz-yy5jw]

The kind of shame I feel is, I wanna go out and get high, but I feel ashamed. I wanna go have a boyfriend, but I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed of having fun with anything or anyone... my parents have made me feel ashamed of all these things. Of having fun. Of getting a boyfriend when I should be dating girls. Of getting high. And I hate it... every time I go out to have fun. They’re there in my head shaming me and I don’t know how to make it stop...

[@nikipalla]

Thank you so fucking much for posting this. I can’t tell you how much this matters to me. I have horrific social anxiety that I hide every day. Thank you.

[@urgurljulesl9986]

I love your demeanor it's super understanding but we'll educated, thank you for being you. And the amount of views doesn't reflect on yourself, lots of dumb shallow content goes viral, the views you get are appreciative and so happy you decided to post and I think that means so much more. Quality over quantity all day

[@chuyesparza828]

Thank you so much for this video!! My soul is literally crying but of happiness!!

[@guy-deyt5207]

Toxic shame is horrible. There’s always this and that embarrassing thing that happened to me months ago that keeps replaying in my mind. And I always beat myself up over it. And I have secrets. No one knows what type of music I really like or that I’m obsessed with plane disasters at the moment. (Yes, I’m a horrible person.) I do my very best to hide those things, because who knows what people will think of me? This also makes it harder to be honest in social situations, because there’s always that list of things that no one can know. Not happy with my appearance? Definitely!! I’m obsessed with my figure and I couldn’t be more unhappy with my face. I want a haircut, but can’t do it because who knows what people will think of me? And I always hide and pull myself away from social situations. Not because I want to, but because it’s the easiest thing to do. Thanks for making this video!!

[@whateverreverr7007]

I'm having a really really bad experiences in my life due to social strict rules and compilations here in my country, this video made me feel better and i have a feeling that it did put me on the right track to healing my self so thank you so so much!

[@CantWeedThis]

More videos! Thanks. I haven't even begun to watch your vids yet but I want more

[@amandeepsaini4172]

I like the way how you enunciate each word. That's why Your voice is so engaging. Also you are doing a great work ,you say things which are more relatable.

[@worldking3838]

Wow so much insight on this video I feel like this should've been taught in high school and other places no body should ever feel toxic shame it's the root of people developing antisocial behaviour and anxiety

[@stephwalker8]

Hit the nail on the head with the dark cloud above you, and the shame. All lead to acting sad/not myself on Friday at work, awkward moment with colleague! I dread this on Monday. Because they've 'noticed' now, I feel to mirror what they 'think' I will be like even if I feel happier. Feel I have dug myself a hole. I tell myself to forget about Friday, start fresh act like yourself till its forgotten. I'm a low energy introvert, loud not shy quite talkative, but I probably made this colleague feel like I'm mad at her (i was doing a weird talking to you from over here! thing....I didnt want to get close, to avoid personal questions. Your video is the closest i found because i couldnt come up with the right key search words for the situation. I know the cause of the shame, I'm responsible to take good care of myself. But i still dread the new work day & having to act myself, with awkward Friday in mind, which im sure she mentioned to others

[@user-il5pt2qd4h]

I experience social anxiety and toxic shame all my life. i often wanting to hide myself. and easily embarrassed by expressing myself thinking that other people are secretly laughing at me. My anxiety are so bad. And it made me feel worst that other people thinks i don't talk to them because i think too highly of myself. i try to force myself to ge out of my comfort zone. But even just a little bits of rejection makes me want to crow back to my cave.😶

[@aliyahmahogoni2936]

Jan sameee sus💓how are you now ? a year later

[@atmo85]

What causes Toxic Shame? I've heard that childhood abuse causes it, but what about people who didn't experience abuse? After watching this, I think I've had toxic shame all my life, going back to like 6-7 years old. I can remember just always being super critical of myself, even back then (like looking in the mirror and thinking I was ugly, even though no one had criticized my looks at that point in my life). I want to overcome this, but I'm 35 and just feel like it's not getting any better 😩 Then, when I fail at things or make mistakes, it seems to confirm my beliefs about myself. It just sucks, I wish we could all have a healthy view of ourselves.

[@donny.visuals5317]

Thanks for sharing this. So on point!! We can be our own worst enemy...

[@stevenclegg5347]

So true. I just typed in about getting over stuff and actually said exactly wat has been going on. It can be so annoying thinking back at stuff and I even will vocalise when a memory comes.everything your saying I have and I can resinate with. Thanks. I need to be able to forgive my self in order to move forward.

[@thegoblonoid]

I have never felt so incredibly called out in a video as I have here...

[@LoveandStargirl]

Thanks to social anxiety I barely do anything new in my life, I want to avoid it specially because I know that whatever I do will be stuck forever inside my mind as shame and embarrassment

[@learntobake2023]

That did help me, thank you for putting the time and effort into making this video.

[@jakecorynthian3516]

The concept of toxic shame describes my experience so well (painfully so)... Thanks for raising awareness.

[@urgurljulesl9986]

You are amazing thank you so much for posting this you've opened my eyes.

[@montelo555]

I didn't even know what shame is until recently and yet, it's been controlling my life since childhood.

[@vikyathvenkateash1749]

Thank you so much for this video man u have no idea how great a help it has been

[@diezel44]

I have been carrying around shame all my life I wasn't only ashamed of myself but also my whole family. I only can recall 3 years of my life where I didn't carry around that shame.

[@jazzcaffyn1368]

This is an old video but I wanted to say thank you. I feel like I am going through exactly what you're describing - especially the hiding part. This video really helped me to realize that I'm not alone.

[@SuperGorak]

A thing I want to add: whenever you feel shame around some people, you will feel your solar plexus getting tense, right? like that sickness? well, that's because it's the place where you feel most of the emotions you're picking up through your empathy, from a person and/or a group and yourself. this is the gut-feeling everybody is talking about, and it will make you socialze and act freely. now, if you feel shame, you will subconsciously punish (!!!) yourself by getting tense it that region, your empathy just shut down for the most part, i.e. you are closing yourself out from the atmosphere you wanna be connected to. now, try to relax that specific area. you might feel nervous in the rest of your body, that's okay, that's because you are letting yourself back into the circle, although a part of you tells you not to. practice open up anyway and internalize the fact that self-shame is bullshit. you can do this anywhere. at the store, in a club, with good friends (where you're more loose and less anxious) or with new people (!!!). try combining that with consciously practicing feeling respect for yourself and others. go through that a lot of times and after a while you will remember and internalize the good parts of your newly found interaction habbits that worked for you. and thus the confidence/serenity builds.

[@SuperGorak]

oh sean kinda said that, lol.

[@SuperGorak]

oh yeah and try linking new, healthier philosophies to these new emotions. INTERNALIZATION, BIATCHES!

[@hannamusiclover477]

Absolutely true. My solar is so so tense. But is being released daily.

[@floowfs714]

your channel is a gift to humanity... Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences.

[@grantevari]

Really informative, thank you! I have to work on myself. Being aware of this makes all the difference.

[@houssemguesmi5584]

I really apreciate your efforts and i have to tell you sean that i have exactly the same story as you in the dormitory that was painful but now i m working to improve myself and to get it out of this nightmare i promise that i will never give up and i m ready to work every single day and do what it takes to win

[@fat__sauce.453]

It's true. In order to not get judged by anyone, we tend to talk more often about the interest of the other person rather than sharing our own. As time passes, we feel that a part of our life just vanishes in order to accommodate with social standards. In the end, we don't have any liking of our own, we become boring, we become tastelesss and lose confidence in our life. But it hurts man. The life that you had built just become meaningless in this harsh world. I think we just need right people that accepts us, give us time to think, don't judge us, and accept us the way we are.