4 insidious tactics narcissists use to MANIPULATE and CONTROL

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

No matter what the situation is, especially when it's with a narcissist, never let your emotions over power your intelligence.

[@dianatenney7821]

So true being an older woman never heard of catfishing, only catching the real catfish in my reality, prayers to all you doing on line dating!

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

Love this. ❤

[@dianatenney7821]

@@costelloandlizzievolk2233 That show is heartbreaking to watch for me!

[@SaraH-od3et]

💯! And your intuition and sense of integrity.

[@watchinfireflies7201]

Very, Very, Very hard to do for me. 😢 I'm getting better but it's been a process

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

So my husband of 10 years, who is a vulnerable-malignant narcissist, once told me that when he met his first wife, he was very direct, and forward. He used a lot of swagger on her and was like "you're mine" cave man style attitude. For me, that type of behavior is an automatic turn-off...it actually makes me very uncomfortable if not a little mad. So when I asked him why he was so different when he met me (he came off as very shy, kind and a little socially awkward) he flat out told me. "I knew that wouldn't work on you." 🤯 Narcissists know how to adjust their behavior to have better chances of being liked by their specific target. They seem to do this flawlessly and without much thought.

[@cevenm9543]

🤯 so sorry

[@remarkable937]

Yes!! I heard that also!!!

[@happyday3368]

Wouldn't it be nice if they'd use their instincts for the good instead of manipulation?

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Yes, they know how to switch up to play the the game to win!

[@user-io7kz4kv3z]

What is frightening is how many third party "flying monkeys" fall for their 'game' and get used to try to keep intended 'targets' roped in

[@user-jh4kx4cl6n]

This happened at my church. He's in and I'm out.

[@happyday3368]

I wish the flying monkeys would just mind their own business and not get involved in other's drama. They probably don't even realize that the narc's issues aren't theirs to solve - they probably have to feel and show others that they are the hero. The entire thing makes me sick.

[@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807]

I believe flying monkeys are the worst, and narcs are powerless. Flying monkeys to a greater extent cause just as much harm if not more than narcs.

[@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807]

Flying monkeys keep drama and chaos going and if it were only the narcs, drama and chaos would come to an end much quicker. Flying monkeys are the missing link that most overlook in narc victims' misery and ongoing suffering at their hands. Yeah, we know narcs are behind it, but who's doing the work, flying monkeys are.

[@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807]

​@@happyday3368true

[@aldelgado9343]

These people always want you to do them favors and when you need a favor from them they decline saying that they are busy, if you dont help them they start blaming you for not helping them

[@jeanie5074]

Haha, that’s exactly the truth. You nailed it. They’re users, then abusers. It’s all about them, and their own benefits.

[@livinggood6876]

It's very hard to get rid of them. The only way is no contact.

[@melissalund4564]

So true. They manipulate and finegle everyone so that everything fits their book. If you don't go along with this, they have a tantrum. But when you need help it is just too much trouble for them.

[@tommartin7506]

I notice that. They seem to be too comfortable asking people for favors. Oh and instead of question form it's I need your help!

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

10000000%!!!

[@MichaelBroder]

I think the idea of psychological catfishing is a really great metaphor and it doesn’t need to be online. I mean I met my ex at a party and I would say YES 100% he was psychologically catfishing me by presenting empathic personality traits when in fact he was a narcissist.

[@lakiaraduran]

This exact thing is what just happened to me. So tricky to pull apart

[@pxg7246]

My narc does this, too. He's so kind to people he just met. Even overlooks mistakes the new friend makes when he'd rage at me for the same.

[@tmoney9539]

I’m moving out of my dad’s place. Even though he’s only here a fraction of the time, I don’t wanna see him anymore at all. Just done with him for good I think this time. Moving back with a friend cause I can afford it this time financially. I don’t really like the idea %100 but I can’t take the mental abuse anymore.

[@peterwilliams6361]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized.

[@DailamiPuang]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@peterwilliams6361]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

[@DailamiPuang]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@peterwilliams6361]

You wont regret it

[@Freedomancer111]

As long as you're both safe and willing to work on yourselves, and remember life is a growing experience. I would hope this for more couples.

[@elizabethfarrington5018]

This was my relationship with a vulnerable narcissist to a "T". I was in a good place, mentally, emotionally, etc. I felt I could help this person who had so much going for him, but who'd had a few bad breaks. But it was exactly as described; I was giving everything, he was doing next to nothing, unless there was a payoff for him. Still, he was so "kind", "sweet", "funny", "charming", etc. He was a delight to be around, when he wanted to be. But over time I started to see what was really going on. The man was a PARASITE. I'm glad I saw it and got out before he drained me of everything I had left.

[@cevenm9543]

Same, sorry you went through this. ❤

[@happyday3368]

Yes, exactly

[@markusbaumgartner9266]

Exactly my gf... and we still have to share the apartment, as we are blue collar and rent has become so high, I can't afford a appartment alone. Now that I am mentally so unstable I can not emotionally provide for her anymore, she "desperately" wants to leave, but of course she won't, because she also can't afford an apartment of her own. And of course she somehow expects me to still cater for her despite the break up

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

​@@markusbaumgartner9266That sucks! I'm sorry.

[@michellehumphreys]

Single equals safe! Better safe than sorry! Im not sorry that im single and safe!

[@michellemasich7464]

I was worried id end up alone after going no contact with my x narc 3 years ago. I now am alone by choice. I absolutely LOVE it. I have never been happier.

[@michellehumphreys]

@michellemasich7464 I totally understand, after a lifetime of narc abuse it is freedom! Freedom to finally be me, be the kind of Mom I always wanted to be. A parent who is not being manipulated and controlled by a narcissist can be a much better parent. Peace ☮️

[@MichaelBroder]

Ah! Yes!! That explanation of vulnerable narcissistic love bombing! I am one of those people who has been saying for years-I don’t really understand; I wasn’t lovebombed; I don’t feel like I was lovebombed. But now I get it: I was with a vulnerable narcissist, and the love bombing was the part where he let me take care of him.

[@TheLoneWanderer19]

I had the same experience as you. A few months being with him I suspected something was wrong and in the attempt to understand his attitude and behavior towards me, I came across narcissism online, but I brushed it off as he was not a grandiose love bomber. Now, everything is clear to me. I was discarded because I said "No" to what he wanted. I thought it was not a big deal but he wouldn't talk to me since then. I realized he probably discarded me coz he had no use of me; he'll be working in a different company soon, so that must be it. I used to be his "savior" and I bent over backwards for him. I am slowly healing myself now.

[@Hendrixtanell13]

I had the same experience my ex-girlfriend love bomb 💣 me and after those three months, she totally switched up she lied. Say let’s be transparent on one another but when it came to it, she said I’ll have to tell you anything, etc. etc. I’m so mad at myself.

[@user-zp8vk8ei5h]

Fascinating! I’ve never heard it put like that. I think this is what was happening to me as well

[@deanreinerart8764]

The most painful realization, for me, was understanding that my narc, and by extension ALL NARCISSISTS, aren’t actually persons. Rather a presentation of personas. Every single interaction with the narc is interaction with a presentation. And that’s all it ever was and will be going forward. There just isn’t a whole person there. At least no a person we’ll ever see or know. Even when we think we know who we’re truly dealing with, we’re still just negotiating with one or more personas (mask and costume) of a fluid amalgamation of transferable and complimentary personas. Not a real person. THAT is both terrifying and demoralizing.

[@lakiaraduran]

Yes. So well said.

[@mzeklektik1089]

false facades are difficult to maintain for any narcissist so they hurry to get you attached. another excellent video from Dr. Ramani!

[@KJVkatie77]

I have been psychologically catfished these last 5 weeks by a guy I met online. I found him out when I said "no" to meeting up this weekend. I didn't say I didn't ever want to see him again, just that I was busy this weekend. He turned up the manipulation to such a devastating degree that I couldn't miss the bright red flags waving in my face! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@PeppermintPatties]

Well done for sussing him out! 👏👏👏

[@KJVkatie77]

@@PeppermintPatties Thank you. He tried to call me yesterday, so I blocked him. After his outburst of manipulation and coercion, I responded in a 'grey rock' style... "Thank you... Goodbye".

[@happyflower251]

My ex was a “ joy of the street and sorrow of the home” nightmare. I couldn’t understand why he was so nice to everyone else. And I got entangled very early on. Long distance relationship so I didn’t see the negative stuff until I had married him and we lived together. He was always one step ahead of me so that I couldn’t keep up . 20 years of crazy. I was a “fixer” and he knew it. I got away finally.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

So glad you got away!

[@k.emayfield]

I’m a survivor and I thank you for your videos.

[@gerryberg5466]

Dr. Ramani, every word you speak is the truth. I fell into a relationship like this and I’m an intelligent and college educated woman. This mistake cost me over five years of my life and thousands of dollars. But because of you and my local Rape & Abuse Crisis Center that helped get him out of my house and then counseled me after, I am on the healing path. I love, love, love your book, It’s Not You. Thank you for everything!

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

I have beat myself up because I know I'm smart. How did I end up with a narcissist for five years and lose a ton of money in the process?

[@b8akaratn]

GenX and earlier know of this as "Bait & Switch"! Think of every Quarter Pounder picture ever made, vs what u got at the MickyD's drive thru!! 😂 // God Bless You, Dr. Ramani, happy start2summer!!

[@PeppermintPatties]

Some may, but I'm older and I'd never heard this term before.

[@b8akaratn]

@@PeppermintPatties 😯 do you have an equivalent statement? Surely this is a timeless phenomenon, unfortunately! ☺️

[@ornelaradosevic7114]

The parents of the narcissist I was dating were playing along alllll his nonsense and supported the double life he was having with me and another woman. From all the things I learned and accepted about the narcissists I still cannot comprehend that there is a mother somewhere out there naming two women “my daughter in law” in the same day. She is probably the reason why he is damaged

[@turnbacktime65]

Yes

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Omg, brutal!

[@starletd.1673]

I am glad you explained catfishing.

[@RAlN71]

Vulnerable/covert when sober. Malignant/psychopathic/sadistic when drunk. Thought he was borderline for a long time. Clincher is that his memory of things we experienced together, objectively, really is warped in their minds later, and the memory gets rewritten to suit their emotional needs. Yet I experienced the stuff in this video too. I saw it all the whole time. Doesn't matter if you see it. It will affect you.

[@MM-gk5of]

The vulnerable narc is describing my husband(51 years married). He was 18 when we met, his mother was married 5 times by then. Bio dad was never involved. He said to me, ‘if I am homeless (1972) I could live under those bushes’. I probably suffered from BPD, due to my upbringing. I freaked out hearing him say this. Dr. Ramani, the rest is history.You have saved me and so many others. I am reevaluating my life, thanks to you. Change is on the horizon!

[@starletd.1673]

I will never have my brother’s love or respect. . I think I am grieving the relationship I hoped to have. It will never be.

[@keithstewart7514]

DITTO. My MoMster has my NARC brother on her hook too.

[@PhotonBeast]

I'm sorry; it's a tough realization to come to (speaking from experience). I hope you have someone(s) to talk to as you process and grapple with that grief and mourning.

[@nicholasschroeder3678]

Happened to me with my sister. Hurt like hell for a long time. But I'm over it now and moved on. You will too, eventually.

[@aqua19542010]

Right there too

[@OnderHassan]

A Covert Narcissist who I dealt with is a Psychologist and a follower of your work. It was incredibly heartbreaking how she treated me during the discard phase. I made sure to send her a voice note after 6 months of no-contact exposing everything about what she did and who she really is after she tried to smear me on her IG stories. She responded, "It was the truth as I can no longer lie or pretend." It was the closure I finally wanted and has ensured that she will never be able to return to my life again.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Glad you got your closure! I saw a similar story on a reality tv show where the woman was a psychologist. I could see where she was gaslighting him and making him crazy while trying to present herself as the victim. I think people believed her because she was a psychologist but I could spot what she truly was!

[@annemiekevanderkuijl4512]

This is powerful: they can only wear that mask for so long!

[@stacielosso5401]

Yes, vulnerable narc got me with the emotional love bombing, intimate conversations, sharing, talking for hours. It made me feel a connection that I never felt in any other romantic relationship. It still feels real and really hurts to think that it wasn't.

[@WorldOfARandomVegan]

Ugh, so sorry.

[@km-du2ww]

Thank you for this… it is amazing that they can fake niceness when they want to or need something, why don’t they recognize that things do not go well for long if they don’t stay nice. This means we can never give any part of our “power” away, so they cannot think that they are in charge?

[@robinantonio8870]

Yes, my ex turned into a completely different person on our wedding night. After pushing to get married asap. It's like he had no idea I could divorce him.

[@elipotter369]

​@robinantonio8870 my ex thought due to my religious values, I would put up with anything. Though i suspect he believed my threats to leave until some fool at church thought they knew better - so then he smashed dishes to show me who was boss (witnessed by our child). Well, you know, I don't bluff, and IMO any religion would want women & children to be and feel safe.

[@yukio_saito]

38:09 "They're a charmer in public. They're a cruel manipulator at home." -- That sounds like my ex-friend. He looks so nice and charming, but he failed in marriage twice and his first spouse ran away from home. 🏃‍♀💨💨🏠

[@yukio_saito]

It took me decades to figure out who he really is because of his false facade. I didn't understand why such a nice guy divorced twice, but I suddenly realized I had overlooked many red flags. 🚩🚩🚩 Finally, I went no contact with him and the people around him. 📵📴

[@pawleysislandpetsitting]

Thank you Dr. Ramani for all of your videos. Your content is amazing. You are amazing. You help so many people. I am so grateful to have found your channel ❤

[@jeanie5074]

Good morning, Dr.Ramani☕️🌺☀️ I met someone online, that was as attractive in person as on the pics. We chatted on FaceTime for 6 months. But, within a few days that we met in person, he acted like an a**hole, he was having two other women in his life, and he revealed himself to be a malignant narcissist. He turned out to be a was a women-(and people user), an extortionist, and a potential murderer. He was all the things you describe about how psychopaths are; he fits that description. I left him, and that situation when he started talking about being potentially a murderer.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Another bell ringing. I did meet someone online in the group that was lead by a narcissist. He acted like a great friend. He helped with so many things. I felt like I owed him for being so kind and it took a year to see that he’d been brwadcrumbing me and he finally discarded me after I started to fade off in my own direction. Now he’s trying to Hoover me back by implying that I left and he’s hurt by it. When in truth I was hurt and he left me. Once you see the pattern in online friendships you can’t unsee it. I create safety nets this way. This person lives states away from me and so all I need to do to escape is block him online.

[@user-bf3pc2qd9s]

Cult leader

[@janshan100]

My former bff is both ends of the spectrum. Very vulnerable and she can be extremely grandiose. It was maddening for decades. Until I started listening to you, it was a mystery. I had already cut her out of my life a few years before, but I was still vulnerable myself to the type. Thank you Dr. Ramini!!!😊

[@403spanky]

Love bombing was exactly how you described it. Eventually got worst. Now I am humiliated in front of ppl in stores and public places. I do the silent treatment and act like I don’t even know my narcissist and just hope ppl see my narcissist looks like a fool.

[@turnbacktime65]

Good job! Took me forever to learn that lesson. 😊

[@Destiny-bt7oi]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. I married one of these beasts. No contact since 2016, but my PTSD got triggered from watching this spot on video. Again, thank you. 😇

[@PeppermintPatties]

Well done for realising and getting out! ❤️

[@SuzanneJustus]

Dr. Ramani, you dropped the Mic at the end! So clarifying about how the narcissist treats us in private. I thank God every day for you and your wisdom!

[@km-du2ww]

Yep yep yep, “bending backwards for them” is my main activity.

[@Kathy-kr1sv]

And trying harder. Jumping higher 🙄😳

[@suzannej2448]

Thank you for this. I hadn't heard of a vulnerable narcissist. Now i recognize this in a family member to whom I kept giving support and "the benefit of the doubt" - but it never amountedvto anything and they are always empathy-seeking and blaming the world and everyone around them for what is actually a result of their own actions that they won't take responsibility for.

[@PeppermintPatties]

My 15-year relationship with a neglectful narcissist felt like I was living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

[@PS-vm3we]

0:21 Psychological cat-fishing 11:27 Undetectable lovebombing 23:43 The seaweed strategy 32:32 The ultimate gaslighting

[@emmashaw8733]

You described my relationship with a vulnerable narcissist perfectly. I put a decade of my life into trying to help him improve his circumstances, constantly feeling like I was doing all the heavy lifting and it having little or no effect...black hole is an apt description. Constantly living in survival mode due to his poor physical and mental health, depression and anxiety. Failure to launch, victim mentality, pseudo intimacy - yes! All of this rang true. Love bombing as you described began almost immediately. I tried to help him in any way I could. I was shocked to slowly learn that other forms of narcissism exists and I was caught up with one!

[@aqua19542010]

I identify with that! 😢

[@cymbolichuman433]

The problem with most people is they hate hurting someone's feelings. So they don't always put a stop to the train that comes soon after you meet.Sometimes you don't know what the lessor evil is. Just say no if you don't want to deal with their baggage, if you want a peaceful existence.

[@MzJoniLove]

Walked away & currently 37 weeks 🤰 , going thru the “love bombing” stage all over again rn 🙄🙅‍♀️👎

[@Valir15]

stay strong!! ❤

[@debbiejahnke8724]

My sibs just came to visit because I had storm damage. It was a perfect excuse to look good to extended family and neighbors for helping little sister. In private it’s a different story. Thank you for helping clear up my confusion. They often are mean to me and I generally only try to help them. They throw out things they’re angry about and when I also get angry or hurt they take it out in me like I’m the cause. I could go on and on. It’s easier to let go though knowing the reasons.

[@LisLara]

🤯Oh, Dr. Ramani, you've described my 19 years of marriage in this video! Now I can better understand much of his actions and reactions, and even from his family. Thank you so much for this one!💜

[@catfudemagee1959]

Omg this is exactly what I’ve been going through for the past 2 years. Thank you for the insight, it’s spot on, like you’ve met him. Thanks Dr Ramani.

[@cevenm9543]

As usual, the accuracy is amazing! I’m currently trying to navigate a very toxic narcissistic relationship. The catfishing, the bait & switch, the lovebombing, isolation, manipulation, gaslighting, the trauma bonding, the “vulnerability”…. the abuse. This has been an 8 year hell. I’ve completely lost myself. Educating myself has definitely helped, but I’m getting really frustrated with myself for not seeing the signs or being too distracted with grief to acknowledge the toxic behavior. Hoping I can get back on my feet so I can escape this without guilt of what will happen to him. Thanks Dr. Ramani, don’t know where I’d be with you and God. 🫶🏽

[@missyjet5177]

I watch this because I think my son could be a narcissist and I blame myself

[@starletd.1673]

You can’t blame yourself. My brother is a narcissist and I don’t blame my parents. My brother started lying by age four, but he had already been changing the narrative long before that.

[@suzannej2448]

Narcissists are born that way - don't put that on yourself.

[@sistergoldenhair2231]

Cat fishing.... bait n switch. I get it now.

[@TheLove1Makes]

I'm reading your book while I am listening. Have a Good Day.

[@annmccafferty6749]

I can’t begin to say how helpful your videos are in navigating a 2nd marriage to a highly intelligent narcissist with narcissistic children. These videos have saved my sole! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@devinjeffrey275]

Catfish have a lot of bones…

[@Freedomancer111]

Once i was in to deep he started using financial abuse to keep me locked in.

[@An-mei]

I know someone this happened to. 💔

[@mmmariiia]

My God. Dr. Ramani, you have just described my last relationship. I left in 2020 (with my infant children in tow), but it is still so comforting to hear you describe him with such detail and accuracy. He is the textbook vulnerable narcissist, and i experienced everything you describe. I began to first notice his inconsistencies about one year in. I left after four years and two kids! I had never heard of narcissism. But when I first read your book SISOSIG, a huge lightbulb went off in my head. I remember the exact time and place I was reading when I realised that my (then) partner was being described. I can never thank you enough for giving me the clarity I needed on this issue in my life. Another thing you said which helped me was that this is a matter of education. Not morals, or religion. I have always prided myself on gaining an education and on working hard at school. When you said that it was another lightbulb moment for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Maria

[@macraeolinger]

Excellent info. I just got out of a relationship with a narcissits. I didnt eve know thats what she was. I constantly felt like I was doing something wrong.

[@AZ-su2vc]

11:20 "Psychological Hustler" is well stated.

[@timc2493]

My friends and family say well. She is so nice. My responses what you see isn’t what I get. A true wolf and sheepskin.

[@Heartcrkdopen]

I also relate to the parents part, I feel so heavy. More so my Father, super brutal but then my mother has also taken the abuse she’s taken from him and taken it out on us children. My body feels heavy.

[@aprilwilcox5065]

Funny story that just happened... I started talking to a man on line about a week ago.... We had not even met and planned to do so this weekend in a public place... During the week he wanted to message or call several times a day... Which instantly reminded me of my narc ex husband.... Then he wanted me to send him a pic on my lunch.. I instantly felt like he was looking for proof of my whereabouts and he began saying things like he missed me.... How the hell do you miss someone you've only talked to for about 6 days and have never met.... Another red flag.... Then yesterday I was busy all day and only spoke to him in the early morning, later that evening he sent me a message that I felt was rude, criticizing me for not reaching out at all during the day... First thing that came to mind was that he didn't bother to reach out either. I told him I'd been busy and I value my quiet time.... Then if course he was rude again about HIS quite time ... Needless to say, I'm not meeting with this person today or ever and he has been blocked.... Thank you Dr Ramani for your videos that gave me the invite and strength to know what was happening and courage to rid myself if this person before I got entangled with him❤️

[@justmontina]

11:19 for anyone dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder individual, this channelis a lifeline, lifesaver, refreshing, inspiring, encouraging and makes us all feel heard.

[@Thedisgardedoptimist]

Nope, no social media, except KZbin, don't need it...Some of the comments on you tube are enough to not want to go deeper..☮️

[@LemurPoint]

Wow! I know that person!

[@rebekahgwendolyn2947]

VITAL presentation for anyone and everyone dealing with narcissistic abuse! THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!

[@mac-ju5ot]

Beware of wolves in sheep clothing.

[@notagain779]

Yes, I've met someone like this, who said, "I don't need much to be happy." It's a good thing, because she lives hand to mouth. It's clear that she would like me to share the comforts that I've worked so hard for. Drops little hints all the time......

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Been here too lol. Online is worse than in person for sure. I’ve found covert narcissists in groups. Even found a creator that uses baiting to find smart people that feel misunderstood. Then get a short love bomb and the devaluation discard phase. Even a couple old guys complaining about why women aren’t serving dinner when they come home from work. I wish I’d known then what I know now about narcissism.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Oh the contempt piece is so huge. I’ve always been confused by that in people in my life I always want to help them but it never changes

[@OogwayGames]

This was so eye opening! I found myself saying: "yes! Yes! Yes!" Very sad, but now I know I saved myself from a very toxic person. Thank you thank you thank you! I can't say this enough much love, Dr. Ramani!

[@tamarazwinak1447]

You let go and move on and they plan how to get back at you. The "stalking bullying" property manager lost in court. Now she is rilling up her boyfriend with her "poor me" story. Astonishingly they refuse to terminate her. She gets the Oscar for impression management. She keeps charging at me as she walks by to stalk my interactions with other tenants.

[@MichaelBroder]

My guy was a combo of (1) vulnerable with a traumatic childhood backstory and (2) ambitious and talented writer. He was also 15 years younger than me. I guess you could say I thought of myself as his launchpad and he launched quite successfully. But once he had a full-time academic job and was making more money than me that’s when the devaluation and discarding began. It eventually drove me into anxiety, depression, and multiple self-destructive behaviors with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Now we’re split, but it’s going to take me years to recover.

[@keithstewart7514]

Dear mutual victim, I ve been the Scapegoat role of my Authoritarian Christian famdamnly for 29/30th of my 60 years of life. Two years woke started at 58 & I'm now 60. My Sadistically CATHOLIC elders can & will probably go to hell. They did their DEMONIC best to make my CHILDHOOD miseries what finishes me off when I die. By passing my trust fund inheritance leaves me happily to have my inheritance in HEAVEN! Glory be to GOD!

[@emmashaw8733]

Mine was also a much younger vulnerable narcissist. I supported him in every way through uni as a mature student...then I was discarded. Hoovered because I had no clue what I was dealing with and also because he couldn't get a job and therefore still needed support...then I was discarded again as soon as he got a job! I then got the full range of narcissist behaviours for months until I stumbled across this channel, and finally, it all started to make sense!

[@aqua19542010]

Thank you Dr. Ramani.... I have listened and learned so much from your videos + ! I am in the process of trying to take my life back.... It's very complicated but... I am on my way... Just started the second😊 time, reading "ITS NOT YOU"

[@arianasha]

Dr Ramani.. This is so revealing all through, thank you so very much!

[@MichaelBroder]

The part about gaslighting? Also exactly my number. And right now Dr. Ramani is talking about growing up with parents like that, and OMG that was my ex’s parents! He was doing to ME what they modeled to HIM!!!

[@jeremytreat7383]

You have pretty much describe my entire marriage. The description of an vampire style relationship of intimate and emotional supply being the love bombing. That is also what makes the discard so disassociating like walking around life with emotional vertigo. In and out of reality with dopamine rushes and bread crumbing with it. If you have ever seen the movie Renfeild that is exactly the story of what it is like to be in a vulnerable narcissist and being the main supply for their style variance or spectrum on the scale of narcissism. Their mister dependable who tended their lair and kept it safe while was around to be feed off of. Chilling to see the pattern in your story .

[@seektruth983]

Thank you Dr. Ramani

[@mndurbzzy8889]

You don't know it yet, but you are about to save my life. You are an awesome person. Please keep doing what you're doing. ❤️

[@dirklewis]

So consistent, I'm amazed. I was tired both psychologically and physically, because I was driving around all the time. He even said once that he's always been driven around. He used his health condition to serm vulnerable and draw me in. It worked perfectly. I feel so stupid. He even used the same thing to break it off and blame me for it.

[@ScarletAlchemist888]

Thank you Dr Ramani. This is Teyani. Please send videos that help us understand danger signs.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thank you Dr Ramani

[@user-io7kz4kv3z]

Dangerous Charmers

[@chikajok]

Yes, I can relate 100% to the section about vulnerable narcissists. It is painful to think about leaving and being the person that hurts them or leaves them all alone. You feel so much guilt that it stops you from leaving. They are skilled at triggering your guilt as well. Thank you for these videos, Dr. Ramani!

[@DeaconBean]

gold nuggets, gold nuggets dr ramani! Thank you!

[@HeatherSchlemmer]

I met a vulnerable narcissist after divorcing a malignant narcissist. I was duped.

[@DeborahOlander]

Apparently you know my last ex bf! Classic vulnerable narc. Failure to launch. Miserable childhood, etc. 3.5 yrs and immense relief when he left. "And don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

[@janm9610]

Ive described it as falling for the experience not the person when ball is said and done.

[@SuzanneJustus]

Dr. Ramani, you Drop the Mic at the end! so clarifying about how the narcissist treat us in private. I thank God every day for you and your wisdom!

[@lilac624]

Narcissists should not be on Earth but on another planet

[@Kyshalise]

I had Vulnerable/neglectful. No flowers or door openings but deep emotional talks of “I’ve never met someone like you YOU ARE AMAZING SO BEAUTIFUL. His eyes lit up like sparkling ✨ literally, so I believed him. He devalued me terribly

[@sivan3125]

More GREAT info! Thanks for the almost DAILY Lessons; we know it's not easy!

[@Freedomancer111]

The older we get everyone has suffered. That's not an excuse to be a monster.

[@z018246]

My father was a vulnerable narcissist. When I was a teen he'd lament he's the only one going through something. He was ragey and entitled that the judge took away his visitation rights. Always at me, not my brother.

[@dirklewis]

Mine spoke about terrible relationships and the trauma they faced with their 3 exes. One of the exes left him sick, the second became a drug addict and the third cheated on him. He used this to get me to feel more attached and vulnerable to him too. I feel like such a fool.

[@user-bf3pc2qd9s]

No one has ever treated them right no-one has ever given them a break no-one but you has ever understood them ....I could set that to music, I've heard it so many times:-)

[@tomasina10]

I am in the middle of the “love bombing “ part after a violent rage in FEBRUARY followed by months of being ghosted . After a complete ghosting for months ( after telling me I am meaningless to him ) I became “sweetheart “ last week . He “really wants me to have breakfast in bed “ . I REFUSE to play anymore because I know how this goes . I will be love bombed for a few weeks and when I don’t buy I will be told I am not very “forgiving “ . According to the narcissist The Lord has forgiven him but I don’t because I am a bad person . The FACT he has NEVER apologized is irrelevant . He is sorry until the next time which is up and coming . . Life with a NARCISSIST

[@user-bf3pc2qd9s]

Well the Lord is telling me to tell you to stay away from this lying man child. X

[@moniqueteal7153]

Being a ("recovering" now) over giver , a people pleaser , a fixer/helper, a problem solver, naively hopeful etc also being intelligent, sucessful , hardworking, decent looking etc .... I'm definite a target , a sucker if you will for a sob story or hardship tale , giving the benefit of the doubt , hope and positivity ... I am/was a big target but im learning to give to myself and love myself protect myself better from users abusers con people anyone who are looking to prey upon or be a parasite in my life !!! Hard lessons !!

[@georgirancour198]

i always use the metaphors, vampire (sucks your life blood), zombie (eats your mind) and dementor (sucks your soul). mine was super malignant with a big dollup of vulnerable, self-righteous. Divorce was a Panic at the Disco.

[@hollyabrams6164]

Totally psychologically catfished 8:04 after 4 years of being legally separated. He was so convincing I thought he had truly changed. I was caught in a very vulnerable moment, “in the see weed” 29:02 with my health being very bad, and that is exactly what narcissists look for, those vulnerable moments. Promised me all kinds of behavior and for a while did extremely well at maintaining this image. Then once he thought he had complete control over our relationship due to the state of my health and not being able to work, he did the “ultimate gaslight,” 39:51 He changed 100% into the SAME person he had been for 17 years… a narcissist. They do NOT change.

[@starletd.1673]

This reminds me of my friend Debra & Dirty John.

[@starletd.1673]

I just wrote the same thing. I’ve known her since I was two & she is so sweet, very savvy in business, but like me we were both raised in church and we had a bubble around us. We’ve both lived in the safety of wonderful father’s, thinking this is how men are. And we’ve both learned the hard way. Unfortunately, Debra’s situation was the most extreme situation. We were praying around the clock for her safety. So thankful she and Terra made it out & turned it around.

[@jeanie5074]

Thank you for sharing, Starlet💡

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. I was catfish ed too

[@lornocford6482]

I'm a rescuer, so got caught by vulnerable narcisstic people. The love bombing is done by making you think that you have a deeper, more substantial connection than superficial romance. That's why it's not easy to walk away with the devaluation and emotional discard. Relationships take work and we all have our issues and vulnerabilities. When that's played on, it makes it less likely for someone to 'give up' on the person and relationship. I've easily walked away from romance and good sex when someone treated me badly. I don't understand how those things keep someone in a relationship with the narcisstic person. Those things are easily found, deep connection isn't. We get caught by the person who offers us what we want and we think isn't easy to find somewhere else.

[@maryrichardson6029]

You know Me so well. You know my hell. I'm doing great, I'm proud of myself, and I'm a Good person. ✌️🇺🇲

[@Alicia-sk2oc]

Love your videos, all right on point! Thank you Dr Ramani, you have taught me so much about life! I had no idea people are so cruel… Always looking forward to watching a new video, you are my favorite.

[@user-bf3pc2qd9s]

The Jekyll and Hyde act creates cognitive dissonance so you can't tell truth from lies. That's why you're confused and depleted, because trying to figure it out and manage chaos is exhausting. Hope this helps someone out there