Does having children really make us happy?【我们真的应该生孩子吗？】｜ R U OKAY 【你OK吗?!】

[@elainechou4209]

我们真的因该生孩子吗？correct Chinese word should be "我们真的应该生孩子吗？"

[@paepaes7714]

Love that Charlene is there to give a woman’s perspective on things!! I still think when it comes to having kids, still better to 想好过不想。After all you are bringing a child into this chaotic world, it’s the parents’ responsibility to be able to provide for the child not only financially but emotionally as well. So need to have the right attitude to prioritise the child’s needs, and all these need to 想. Think and then be prepared for all, before simply having a child. Good to chat with teachers to see how some irresponsible some parents can be…and this will ruin the child for life, especially if no access to therapy.

[@Clari-ks9lw]

It’s crazy how most people become parents without putting thought into it. It really just exposes irresponsibility and/or unplanned pregnancies where they just decide to keep it and go into parenthood haphazardly. It’s not just a huge decision for themselves but an even bigger one for the lives they’re bringing into the world. To not put serious thought into parenthood and having children (who will grow up to be adults in society) and just “have them and think later” is the most irresponsible thing any parent can do.

[@sunnyang6464]

I think it’s important to think and discuss but if you are on the fence then i think it’s better to just go for it and not think too much anymore else the longer you think the further away you are from making it happen. Because some people tend to think too much.

[@wildpasta]

For real, please stop dumping your kids onto your parents. Purely for play and for a short time and IF your parents want it, that's fine. But expecting your parents to bear the hellish burden of taking care of your kids is just cruel, especially if they're already getting quite old. Even if they're not that old yet, seriously nobody likes the non-fun side of taking care of kids, their cleaning up and their tantrums. It's EXHAUSTING. Parents who go around preaching that having kids is great when on the side they dump their kids to their parents to kang the heavy load needs to stop it. The reality of having children is super jiaksai to be honest. Just because your parents or your in-laws jiak the sai for you doesn't mean that everything is fine. Tell the truth. There's a reason why so many people want to be childfree and more power to them! Charlene is correct. Kids rarely impact a father's life - unless the father is very involved as they should be. So ladies, make your own decision if you want to have kids or not. Don't give a damn if your boyfriend/husband says they want kids. Their vision of having kids vs your reality is VERY different.

[@fairyz]

Where’s the super like button for this comment?

[@sunnyang6464]

Frankly speaking even if the grandparents are ok with it I still feel that parents should try to raise their children on their own because the bond created with the time spent raising them by your side can never be understated for both the parents and children themselves.. there is a reason why the children call you PaPa/MaMa while they call your parents Grandpa/Grandma..

[@wildpasta]

​@@sunnyang6464 Agree with you! There are people who want to raise children and be actively involved in their every upbringing, and so many others who "just want kids" for their own self-serving reasons. It's sad. Haha the kids call them Grandpa Grandma. Some parents call their parents "free babysitters". Sigh.

[@mariatachi8398]

Super agree with this. Grandparents have to "suffer" raising kids 2 times.

[@insanhaty]

I feel like there's not enough female representation here lol I feel like the guys are even downplaying Charlene's struggles after having the kid. I personally feel that having a child definitely impacts the mother much more than the father

[@siewmai_hargou]

After watching this episode makes me even more appreciative of my husband. Pls look after your own kid and stop dumping them to your parents. Bring your parents overseas but still need them to look after YOUR kids. What break are you giving Yr parents?

[@bpmingxin]

马一朵的想法好成熟！这样的男人可以给妻子满满的安全感！加油！

[@lekk5493]

很多男人只会说，想或不想。然后全部东西丢给妻子做。在决定生之后。就要帮忙带孩子，让老婆有足够的时间休息。

[@xavierxy6934]

It will be enjoyment for those who have grandparents to help. The trend now is to give birth, throw to grandparents till schooling age. Return after the kids are easier to take care. Expenses shared by grandparents.

[@thewaterbearer16]

Charlene made a lot of sacrifices. I got to spend with my child when I was full-time jobless when my child was 8-12months. Quite fun on the family, not fun on the finances.

[@thestaringenclave]

Can tell mayiduo’s have strong values. Respect.

[@eunagiii]

29:43 um regretfulparents subreddit exists.. no one would openly admit they regret their children, especially to non-families.

[@arjunsasangan9342]

great episode, i think the discussion and perspectives between the 4 is really good hope to have more of such episodes like this between the guest kind.

[@brther3]

Ryan you did great in this episode

[@xannicaong7698]

Don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion. As someone who have dogs as my “kids.” I believe that being a fur parent is just as valid and real as being a parent to human children if you wanna be a really good one same dedication is required. From the puppy stage, where I had to potty train them, waking up every 2-3 hours at night to clean up accidents and wipe their paws, to the challenging teenage phase filled with destruction and exuberance. (Whole process last 6-8mths) It’s definitely not easy. On top of that finding the right training programs for them, dedicating my evenings after long pack workdays to train them essential skills to be a “good dog” base on society standards(exp: no pulling and jumping), essential skills like swimming, in case they ever need it. Looking forward to rush home everyday, pushing away friends meet up, events I wanna go to, planning my whole year work leaves on dog upcoming events or celebrations knowing how excited they are for it or to see me. Also witnessing their milestones, like the first time they lift their leg to pee after maturing,their first sit, their first lie down, bang,paw all on my command brings a joy that is profoundly rewarding & I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Needless to say the need to always hustle to earn more money to give them more and planning for future (medical,insurance,entertainment,trips.) Being a fur parent entails sacrifices, hard work, and deep emotional connections, making it as genuine and as fulfilling. I feel no one should feel offended for the comparison. And I think we are way past the era of people calling each other “dog” as an insult

[@MilkTeaLessSugar]

Honestly after being a fur parent, I felt it made me a better parent to my child. Doggo 3yo, child 2yo. But it's true that the joy of having a human child like what Mayiduo said, it's more layers.

[@Cl0udStrife1996]

I have 3 dogs before my 1 baby. It’s different like what mayiduo say. Not that one is better than another but really, it’s different seeing a mini you in someway or another

[@hams983]

​@@Cl0udStrife1996 Not everyone is into the "mini me" "mini you" thing. It is honestly quite weird to have a child just to have a "mini you" but alot of people seem to particularly like it. Psychologists have probably studied it to provide a well-researched answer.

[@Cl0udStrife1996]

@@hams983 that’s just a part of one of the many different kind of joys but okay, I take it that u needed to clarify to the other people reading the comments

[@yzackong]

Fur parents are just as valid, and as real, but it can’t be on the same pedestal in terms of potential impact inwardly (self) and outwardly (society). Dogs/pets no matter how badly trained or brought up or abused or neglected simply will not have the same consequences to the society compared to a kid who has been through the same (lack of) upbringing. This is the additional inherent responsibility that parents bear when they bring a human life into this world. Dog/pets, for better or worse, can never take revenge in any meaningful way on their owner if they suffer a traumatic upbringing. A child, on the other hand - i don’t think i need to spell it out further. One of the most heart wrenching emotions is to find out that the child has decided to bring it upon himself to take the life of his life giver. I’m not trying to down play fur parents experience- I had a pet before. But becoming after becoming a parent now, the additional layers that MYD mentioned far more widen the experience between fur parents and kid parents.

[@Clari-ks9lw]

Wild how even basic parenting courses and exams aren’t a prerequisite for having children. Driving need to pass BTT FTT Practical. Bringing a whole new human into the world and *raising* it don’t even need to attend 1 course sia. Teachers need to go to uni + NIE. Parents don’t need anything to teach their child for wayyyy longer than a teacher does. 🤯

[@saydaryt1900]

这是我自己的看法，托儿所根本不需要去贵的那种，是你如何教育孩子。 我孩子是去PAP那种，很便宜，我们把省下来的钱让他去学他想学的兴趣班，加起来还是比贵的托儿所便宜。 每个周末都会去图书馆，小时候就陪她一起看书（养成阅读习惯），然后去游乐场玩，新加坡有很多免费又好玩的游乐场。。。。。 我们很幸运，孩子现在读名校。

[@MilkTeaLessSugar]

I think it's important for both husb n wife to be on the same page before having a child. It should never be a sacrifice because he/she wants. Might lead to alot more resentment down the road later on. Infact I think couples should really discuss this before marriage and see if childbearing is a deal breaker. Also, you can plan to not have a child but unfortunately not always easy to have one.

[@jaceeeee33333]

Well as someone who works in the special needs industry, I know of parents who regret having children though. It’s sad… maybe you guys can shine some light on the special needs community in your perspective platforms too (:

[@manyue2003]

I am sole Caregiver to my special needs daughter for last 10 years. The mom doesn't care.

[@YoungALH]

facts

[@jaceeeee33333]

@@manyue2003 thank you for being there for your daughter despite that all 💪🏼 stay strong

[@alui5362]

thumbs up! grats mayiduo

[@RavenCloudNine]

Please speak mother tongue at home. Chinese is one of the toughest language to learn. You can look around you, those who speak English at home struggle a lot when learning Chinese. While English can be picked up from everywhere(school, friends, youtube).

[@sixes3100]

Well seeing how child rearing is outsourced to elderly parents and domestic helpers, while parents can just scoot off by themselves for a vacation or "me time", better just leave it to the PRs/new citizens to grow SG's population...there are just too many irresponsible people having children 😅

[@siewmai_hargou]

I fully agree with you.

[@megzy-n4e]

Well, understand that this episode is sponsored by the gov so it’s probably biased. Not sure who Jon talks to, but around 80% of the young parents I know all regret having kids. 🤷

[@exploringapis4495]

This whole episode was sponsored by the govt ❤

[@manyue2003]

Do not expect future children to take care of you. I do not expect anything from my daughter.

[@ica89]

I also agree with Ryan that Patrina and Johnathan will be a very good parent if they have kids especially seeing their interactions with kids on their IG everytime.

[@babyxiaocia]

First 2 months when i gave birth my dark circle is rabak. Every 2hrs is feeding time . Like after feed baby slp , i can eat and rest nxt momment nxt feed again. We didnt hire any confinement nanny as my in laws help to takecare . During tht period she still working part time as i have 4months of maternity leave . After i start bck to work she will help take care when i at work . Offday will be me alone and she will go out . Taking care of a baby will have love and hate rs . When she cries will be like why keep crying even feed or change diaper alrdy but th momment she looks at you and smile at you its so worth it . Hahahah. Now i change from full time to part time so i can watch her grow and hit every lil milestone till she turn 18months go play grp then bck to full time job . I was working till 5days before i gave birth lawls . 😅 and 3days of labour super torture as i more than 24hrs no food as they scare i might need emergency c sect . But its all worth when you see her in your arms . ❤ My husband till now my girl is 9months old still dont even know how to make milk or change her diaper . All he do is maybe play with her for not sure even got 10mins then he cannot liaos . Sigh .

[@hams983]

That sounds like weaponized incompetence, I'm so sorry you have to experience this :( There is no way your husband "does not know". There is only "does not want to do" and "does not want to learn". This is why there are way more men than women who want kids, and why many women rather be a Dad than be a Mum. Just play only.

[@babyxiaocia]

@hams983 Yeah, my mum says so, too . She says he probably thinks that if he learn alrdy , he will have to do it.

[@hams983]

@@babyxiaocia ​ Your mother's definitely right. I hope you find a way to get him to just do it :( It's ridiculous. He's the father!

[@GigaZX91]

this one can part 2 about PL for people who stay in a west often using public transport ...

[@Jack-hy2ki]

I have 2 small kids. Elder one also covid baby. Her childcare fee was $0 for 1st 2 years and now is $35 monthly. Younger one from 2 months old onwards all the way till now 2 years plus $200+monthly. Why Elder one $0 cos I'm self employed n during covid business very bad so dropped into low come category.

[@elainechou4209]

担心的事终于发生了，这期节目真的找不到嘉宾😢

[@huat08]

lol...i registered for 1 slot at the centre nearby before my child was born..n the centre only called me to inform me on the slot when my child got into primary sch..regardless branded or not branded, it is still the same

[@aizaiaisteady]

Perhaps the centre nearby is super popular due to good curriculum and teachers? Haha!

[@ms.jannyj5420]

应该

[@ms.jannyj5420]

not 因该

[@amk577]

Ryan dun ask so much....theres no right or wrong whether u wan kids or not...

[@hams983]

Having children should be something that a person "ask so much" about before actually having them. Even if you don't care about the biggest decision and changes in your own life, your decision to have children or not entirely affects your future children (and their children). People who don't think and just have children are often times the culprit behind their children's trauma or poor upbringing etc. etc. etc. Why can't people think through clearly first if they are suitable to be a parent or not before they have children? Isn't that a responsible thing to do not just for yourself but for your spouse and your future children?

[@vpvp8713]

是“应该”, 不是“因该”

[@dsignerer]

should be “应”该， not “因” 该 😁

[@xavierchin5762]

why Ryan ask is dog and kids same?

[@Emberpurple]

Sorry but based on the stuff that comes out from his mouth, he should just stay as a dog dad. I don't think he can be a good father.

[@ngjhiming6110]

标题华语用词错了

[@warrentan4390]

应该

[@glorytruthlove]

上帝造人上帝养人

[@MinHerChua]

Title correction, not 因该 should be 应该

[@ronnietan3590]

Having children truly matures and makes you becomes a more responsible human being. Children also brings lots of memories at different milestones I.e first step, first word, first day at school, first concert at nursery, first time go on stage to collect award at school, PSLE and GCE results, not forgetting their Uni convocation. Your DNA, when friends and strangers remarks similarity in looks between your children and you. First time they brought gf or bf home for dinner. A lot more moments to look forward to you. Naturally first time they brought you out for dinner moment they start working and allowance when they got their pay check. They are hits and misses in bringing up kids, but you never forget those memorable and valuable HITS moments. Those moments are priceless and brought hopes to future offspring’s. 😂moment Ryan said what’s difference having kids and dogs LMFAO. Ryan wait till you are in your 60s, very likely you have dog looks like Shih Tzu, Pugs etc then have children and grandchildren with your DNA and eyes, nose and face shape. That’s the huge differences.😂😂

[@wildpasta]

"Having children truly matures and makes you becomes a more responsible human being." 1. If this is true, why are so many parents still so immature and irresponsible? Honestly some people become even more irresponsible after having children. 2. Shouldn't this be the reverse? A person should be fully matured and the most responsible version of themselves BEFORE having children. Isn't it ironic that people who want to be more responsible by being a parent are actually using their children's lives to learn to be more mature and responsible? You can't undo damage to a child bro. Think about it. "Children also brings lots of memories at different milestones" - Yes good for you! But memories with children aren't the most treasured memories to every single person. Children might be your favorite thing and good for you. But they're not to everyone. If people can respect that your children are your world, respect that it can be the opposite for others and there's no better or worse. 自己开心就好. If you're a parent who feels that parenthood has truly matured you, laughing at Ryan's choice of being childfree and his preference for raising pets sounds yeah... truly mature of you. Should childfree people laugh at parents and say "wait till ______" all those stuff? I can never understand why people with children feel like they're on a higher horse than everyone else without, yet ironically preach about how having children evolves one to their most matured and responsible self.

[@ronnietan3590]

@@wildpasta if there are many parents like you mention, you think Spore will be where we are today? Until you had 2-3 dogs as pets and children who has grown up and started working then you will find Ryan question laughable and irrelevant Mr Hands Down. If 20-30% of today youth decide to be childless there a chance 40-50 years later 1 ringgit equal 2 Sgd. too lazy to explain to you as you were not there when 1 ringgit equal 1 sgd.

[@glorytruthlove]

安脏吃安脏大

[@mezzie2642]

老实讲 老实讲

[@Emberpurple]

Jon may not be a dad but I can he is very respectful towards the other 2 parents. Idk why everything ryan says sounds like shit coming from his mouth. Or is it just to create effects for show?🤷🏻

[@wildpasta]

You can look at it that way or maybe Ryan (or ppl like him) just has his own backbone and don't contribute to an echo chamber - even though the video is sponsored by the govt.

[@natashayong951]

its the childcare leave that is not enough