Does Intent Matter? Navigating Harm in Marriage

[@brightpage1020]

Learned from Lysa T. That we can forgive from a safe distance. That forgiveness doesn't have to equal reconciliation.

[@dawnlivingston6236]

Doesn't the Bible say something like forgive if they repent? My husband does stuff to me all the time and it repeats it over and over and he thinks it's okay just to say sorry. But he's betrayed me in different ways, he's lied, he's sneaky, and I just don't trust him anymore. He thinks everything is wonderful in our marriage. We have no intimacy, we have no sex in our marriage for 9 years. He's nothing more than a roommate who is irritating. I am just beside myself because I'm so unhappy. I'm too old to do anything about it. I'm just waiting it out. He has taken no initiative to change any behaviors. I cannot talk to him about anything because he is a covert narcissist. I am so tired.

[@shirleybarrett605]

same here

[@84rstarr]

“Repent” means to turn around - turn away from that behavior. Saying “sorry” is only the first step of repentance. If it’s not followed by a true turning away from that destructive behavior, then repentance hasn’t actually occurred.

[@adamslaura768]

Same… But I will say, God has shown me some ugly things about myself that I would have never seen had I not been so wounded. Like a dog who is normally friendly will often try and bite when they are hurt badly. It’s like a different dog. I feel like God has shown me that about myself. Trusting God to be “enough” for me in this season has tested everything about me. In many ways I am grateful-even though I hate not having the relationship with my husband. I know one day God will deal with him. I hope for his sake it is sooner rather than later.

[@leslievernick]

@@adamslaura768 Wonderful that you are seeing the truth about yourself. Focus on your own work and the "dance" will change with your husband. That may not mean he ever sees himself but it means you can be healthy even if he chooses not to be.

[@leslievernick]

I would question his "repentance." If he apologizes but repeats the behavior over and over that is not real repentance. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

[@dawnlivingston6236]

Just to clarify he took sex away from me because he was looking at p***. And he said many things to me that were so hurtful he denies most of it, to this day. And yes he blamed me for it at the time. God has been my covering. Jesus has brought me so much joy. But it doesn't take much to knock me down I have so many other issues it's not even funny.

[@leslievernick]

Everyone has issues, friend. The important thing is how we deal with those issues. If you are facing them and working on them that is all God asks.