Does Physical Attraction Matter In Christian Marriages (& When Looking For A Spouse)?

[@latenitehvac868]

I messed up, I became a new Christian and married someone I wasn’t physically attracted to and it has been a brutally hard 2 years. Thoughts racing if I made the right decision. I was hearing all this theology about denying yourself, don’t follow what your heart says because it deceives you. And I married based on personality, values and being in Christ. The physical does matter. I now have two kids and I struggle everyday with not feeling physically attracted to my wife. But I have to pick up my cross and continue on for my kids and for her. I pray that God works on my heart and gives me the feelings of attraction I desire.

[@LanceVanTine]

Wow, this is an eye-opening testimony for all viewers. Thank you for sharing. May God answer your prayer, as you took a road less traveled (most go for looks and compromise on the spiritual component of being born again). Keep taking it one day at a time, brother. May God be with you, in Jesus’ name, Amen!

[@_Polyfez]

Attraction is on a spectrum. Were you attracted to her sometimes? But not all the time? Or do you mean to say you weren't physically attracted to her at all?

[@latenitehvac868]

@@_Polyfez I was physically attracted to her body in the beginning but she gained weight, which I wouldn’t mind if there was already a stronger love connection built. What I struggle with now is the emotional connection. I felt so pressured, I was alone, just getting saved, I didn’t have a good relationship to talk to anyone about my thoughts, every week people in the church were asking me when am I going to ask her, you should ask her, over and over every week, then her wanting to get married and at the time coming from dating in the world she really was the best I had dated. She loves the lord, she is a great mom, just I feel like, should I have waited and gotten stronger in Christ? Because now there are aspects of her personality that do bother me. I don’t like being controlled, I want to feel like I am leading the house but I can’t do that in a house that what ever suggestion I make is not the “right one” I can’t imagine God would give me a wife, two kids a house all to rip that away because of my internal feelings. I prayed before we got married, if she isn’t the one please take her away from me. He didn’t, so I have to by faith trust that God gave me a wife to learn how to love. It’s not easy, envy, coveting comes up for for me. I see other couples and they look happy and so into each other, where I feel like I am choosing to love someone on the inside I don’t connect with in the ways I want to. It was shortly after we got married that the controlling aspect really came out and I don’t know how to handle it as I am not a yeller or authoritarian. I try to live Ephesians 5 give yourself up for her, die to yourself. It’s hard. There are days I feel like running away but I can’t abandon my children. There are also days that are good. So maybe this is just how a relationship is and my twisted Hollywood view of romance was wrong? I don’t know. But I’m grateful for Christs Perfect work to carry me through.

[@audaciousnessfaith]

Take this back to God to confirm cause im not him but I recommend you telling her everything you just wrote down and tell her that you'd like her to start working out and maybe even end up getting marriage counseling, your wife has had kids in her stomach thus gaining weight give her some grace and communicate how you feel, if you don't communicate this is going to keep causing tension and you don't wanna blow up one day in anger and say the wrong things , please tell your wife the truth I know that's what the Lord wants us to do is live in truth , you keeping this from her is a form of lying and repression that's really unhealthy she deserves to know even if its gonna hurt, you should be the head of the house and she shouldn't be trying to lead, that could possibly be another reason your turned off because you feel less masculine when she tries to lead idk, but man ima pray for yalls relationship right now. @@latenitehvac868

[@latenitehvac868]

@@audaciousnessfaith thank you

[@mosesruperto7128]

My favorite thing about the church is how much people try to pretend we are not wired EXACTLY as people outside of the faith. As a Christian man myself, the FIRST thing I look for is physical attractiveness. As long as I' am ONLY allowed 1 woman, I will be as critical as I need to be when it comes to how she looks.

[@LanceVanTine]

Thank you for sharing! Yes, God has made us biologically hardwired that way… may God bring you the woman He has for you, in Jesus’ name, Amen!

[@mosesruperto7128]

@@LanceVanTine Appreciate it brother. Lord bless you!

[@kingjunkyview]

@@LanceVanTine I almost felt guilty at times on how I cared about appearance. But now I see it is important as long as it’s not a priority. Good word brother I love the message.

[@danieltakawi9919]

Make sure that it's not leading you to lust. There are three levels to a person. Spiritual, Personality, Flesh. You cannot compromise spiritual but the other two you can, and over time you will probably be willing. Allow yourself to explore relationships to people who you are not your type, or who are your type except for this one physical feature. How she looks can and will change, either over time or God forbid because of an accident. I think when you allow yourself to know the person, you will find them attractive (if they are for you) even if you didn't at the beginning, and I think that's okay. Trust God and let Him choose, because His choices are not always ours, but they're always the best.

[@renaissanceman2841]

​@@danieltakawi9919 Why not just go after what you're attracted to? God created beauty and sexual attraction.

[@ModelJames13]

It's funny how some people try to say physical attraction isn't important or it's wrong. All it takes is some reading of the Bible to see there are many verses pointing out how beautiful those women were. It wouldn't be in the Bible unless it was a good and important thing. 😎

[@LanceVanTine]

True!

[@graceearl2620]

Thx, my friend! you have no idea how timely your message is!! 👊👊🔥 “Future wife, I pray you continue to be patient and wait on me until God align us together. ”

[@LanceVanTine]

Glad it blessed you!

[@nwidobiesudor9973]

Amen

[@lihsalles]

This!!! 👏🏼👏🏼 Very Well said!! 🤍✨

[@LanceVanTine]

Thank you, Lih!

[@Armymihtae]

Absolutely, Man!! 👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿💯

[@jewishbride5010]

Yes, there definitely will be sexual attraction between me and my godly spouse, while I agree soul and spirit saved and holy must be priority, in accordance with this whole word and job 22:28, proverbs 18:22, 2 corinthians 6:14-18 in the name and blood of Jesus Christ, amen and hallelujah!

[@LanceVanTine]

Amen!!

[@kevindavis4709]

What happens when your spouse loses their looks in a car wreck? Good looks isn’t a guaranteed forever thing true love is.

[@jasonwilliams8321]

That's statistically not likely to happen. Yes it does and people get unattractive because of degenerative diseases but we don't see all these disfigured people walking around in society at noticeable levels so grabbing the exception to try to make a point which is not sound reasoning.

[@petuniatsweleng474]

Well said, Lance! ❤🙏🙏😊 Amen. 🙏😊

[@LanceVanTine]

Glory be to God 😊👊🏽

[@petuniatsweleng474]

@@LanceVanTine 🙏🙏

[@Jkarmy477]

Amen, Pastor! good good word. I'm praying for a woman love Jesus.

[@LanceVanTine]

God will bring her if it is in His Will and in His time 😊👊🏽 keep preparing yourself!

[@Yuna-no9bb]

Thanks, Pastor! Many men just look at the physical. ☹️

[@LanceVanTine]

Sad truth

[@BTS7_Armys7]

On point👊🏽

[@LanceVanTine]

Thanks bro!

[@michaelduff3869]

You said our life is but a vapor and it is terrifying that God heard me and I read those words when I opened my Bible to James 4:14

[@shuatock8216]

Thank you for the wonderful video. I need help with a question I’ve been wrestling with. I fear that I will fall in love with a Godly and wonderful woman but not be able to see the beauty in her heart when she grows older and less beautiful in her appearance. Is attraction temporary? What’s the point of being attracted to someone’s outer beauty? Why does God give that to us? I fear that my love would be secretly shallow. I want a woman who is Godly, virtuous, and special, but I fear losing attraction as she ages. Please help me understand

[@princessdeayala]

The color of the hair :))) Great Message !🌹👍💯❤️

[@LanceVanTine]

Thank you!!

[@Armykatz4935]

💯💯💯👊🏻

[@LanceVanTine]

👊🏽👊🏽

[@lawrencek9555]

Thank you for this message however is it simply that we pray to God and wait for the spouse if dating/apps/church hoping are considered fleshly and selfish acts?

[@LanceVanTine]

God can work out anything at any given time. If we want His best, we must wait on Him. He can orchestrate two people coming together through a variety of ways… for example, maybe your future spouse isn’t at your current church, but, by God pressing on her heart to move where you are, she could begin to attend your church. Within the span of a few weeks, you may find yourselves sitting next to each other or attending the same small group. God can do anything! Waiting upon Him is never in vain. May He bless you with the desires of a future wife, in Jesus’ name, Amen ~

[@armontimuzic6785]

My wife is a self professing Christian but not truly born again , I need some guidance badly , and i knew but I talked myself into doing because she was a self proclaimed Christian .

[@LanceVanTine]

So sorry to hear, brother. I meet with people for 1 hour. It will cost some money (as it is for Christian life coaching) but if interested to talk through, you can email me at [e-mail]. Will be on the lookout

[@digittydog]

Some good thoughts in this video…. Along with some completely unscriptural, dangerous ideas. There is nothing at all in scripture about God telling us who to marry if we will wait on Him…. “The one specifically tailored for us”…. Or a promise that this “one” will wow us in spirit, soul and body. Not a promise in the bible. In fact this idea leads to nothing but shame and self flagellation. Secondly, he presents the idea that looking or trying is bad. Doing nothing is good. God gave us 2 hands, 2 feet, and a brain. We are to use them. If you never leave the house…. Or live in a rural community of 32 retired people and just wait…. The results are pretty predictable. This idea isn’t true of work…. It isn’t true in this context. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor. We most often find when we are looking.

[@LanceVanTine]

You are correct in referencing Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV): “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” However, God also clearly reveals ‬‬“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs‬ ‭19‬:‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬). ONLY GOD can bring a prudent wife (which is different from a “good wife”). If we wait on God, He will bring the right one for that particular season. I’ve done another video on this.

[@JorgeAlxsRod]

Amen!!!!

[@LanceVanTine]

😄👊

[@stevehicks399]

Ok, my question is ? Can you become physically attractive to someone who has good qualities, but you are not attracted to immediately?

[@jasonwilliams8321]

For some yes. Others no.

[@ethang3143]

I struggled with this for a little, but I really do believe this. Even physical attraction can increase as you get to know someone. It’s emotional as well, but you may see physical traits that are more beautiful than what you previously thought.

[@jasonwilliams8321]

@@ethang3143 This works for some people and I would probably say most but not everyone. I labeled myself and others like me "binaries". The attraction switch is either on or off there is no gray area. If I don't think a woman is attractive when I first meet her there is no chance that I will ever be attracted to her. Nothing grows on me and it never has. Life would be much easier if this were not the case but it is what it is. It's not a choice it is how I am hard wired. I once had a girl who was a really good friend. Then she began having feelings for me and I did not find her attractive. It ended badly but I told her that the relationship would be one sided and I was never going to find her attractive in that way no matter how nice she was to me or how she behaved as a wife.

[@kevindavis4709]

How do you separate that from lust

[@ChristisLightMinistries]

thank you

[@LanceVanTine]

Glad it helped, brother!

[@PrinceKasongo-l7k]

Your vibe is very similar to your wife.. same energy and way of talking

[@LanceVanTine]

Thank you!

[@evahenry5717]

I like the muscle group part I dont lust but i want a guy with big muscles and just big that is part of my list God will surely help me and he must kindhearted ,funny and very inteligent also a born again believer when that time come prayers Amen

[@LanceVanTine]

That is completely normal and fine! God gives us those certain desires of what we are more attracted too... keep preparing yourself and waiting on the Lord. He will answer and provide in His timing :) God bless!

[@evahenry5717]

@@LanceVanTine Amen to that

[@AyeZamar]

Dear God, I need a baddie and a blessing amen

[@LanceVanTine]

LOL! Amen - God blessed me with a wonderful woman, He can do the same for you. Steward well your singleness and prepare yourself for the person He has for you! God bless you ~

[@NoRodnoReel]

Traddie baddies is what we need!

[@maryearlier3263]

당신은 독신입니까? Are you single? ♥️♥️