Is It Biblical to Think That Physical Attraction Must Be a Component of a Godly Marriage?

[@TheCreepypro]

may the beauty our Lord gives us inwardly shine on through outwardly!

[@shelleywaters5102]

The following is true….’Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’… ‘One man’s meat, is another man’s poison’ (true for both sexes) I’ve come to learn, by Gods Grace, that inner beauty is the most important aspect of a relationship and that’s where the emphasis should be, however physical attraction, which is the initial spark between couples, never dies, it’s the superglue of a relationship♥️

[@jessethomas3979]

I think the disagreements in the comments are because Piper is answering the question from an already married person's point of view and others are answering from the perspective of someone looking to get married. I would agree that generally speaking, it's not a good idea to pursue marriage with someone you aren't physically attracted to. But such an attraction is not an essential element of marital love, so losing that attraction wouldn't destroy a marriage. While not essential, it's still very important, so it would be good to try to maintain it. Also, physical attraction is greatly enhanced by other types of attraction... That's why when you love someone you think they are the most beautiful person in the world.

[@hanniworldkpop]

God bless.

[@teagan73191]

My thoughts exactly

[@sskuk1095]

The way this question is asked is very interesting. It really does not leave much room for interpretation. However, I would like to add to that discussion that for a long time in human history, whom someone married was often times not decided by themselves, but others; and those marriages were just as valid as ours are (not to endorse them). But honestly speaking, if physical attraction is not present in any way, I (probably everyone) would find it hart to happily walk into a life long commitment without hesitation.

[@jahmallsuarez8648]

Have you read the Song of Solomon? Physical attractiveness is very much important. It's not the main focus but its a big priority

[@Smarty2able]

I love this. HOwever, I don't feel like that's what people go for. I feel like a lot of men want to like what they see first. I've seen that happen when someone attempts to match me with someone. It's wishful thinking Mr. Piper when you're in competition with so many IG "models" and you don't look like that.

[@mduduzibhebhe4268]

I guess you also have to remember that it is impossible for a person to be good in the biblical sense and look ugly. The inner beauty always shines outside and causes the physical to look beautiful.

[@ModelJames13]

@@mduduzibhebhe4268 ...........That's nonsensical. 😎

[@SeanShineYouth]

This is not actually the question. The question at its root seems to me, more to address this: "should someone marry if they're not physically attracted to a person." The answer to that is simple and Biblical: 1 Cor. 7:8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows-it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. If you have no physical attraction or at least a strong emotional affection to someone then friendship might be the better decision than the weight of marriage.

[@graceforalways6445]

You got a point!

[@josiahgosyne6495]

yeah this exactly where I went to as well. I thought the question was more like, "should I pursue someone for marriage, even if I'm not physically attracted to them at all". In which case, it feels like common sense that you do not pursue that person. If a person is your person, I have to imagine God will put a burning desire in you for them. Otherwise, you've probably found a friend, not a life-partner. Of course every bread has its butter, but you shouldn't smash yourself onto some bread just because that person agrees with your theology or is your denomination. Can't be picky either I suppose. It feels like there's quite a bit of nuance, but I have to think you've got to be physically attracted to a person you want to one day procreate with.

[@SeanShineYouth]

The bread and butter analogy is working on multiple levels there lol. Thanks for the response@@josiahgosyne6495

[@anthonynosike]

Love your answer

[@matthewdyer2926]

No, you should not marry a person you are not physically attracted to. This is not difficult. It's pietism to suggest otherwise.

[@GentleWarrior371]

How does a man cultivate inward beauty for relationships? I want to be a servant leader of my household

[@markitagittens-pillay5652]

A beautiful question. You are already onto an awesome start by asking… what I find inwardly attractive about a man is one who is committed to not grumbling just as the scriptures exhort us to not do :) it is hard to be the leader/ provider of a household. I see a miserable spirit accumulating in men these days. Be a joyful leader and your house will flourish. Easier said than done but The Holy Spirit will help you! God bless

[@matthewdyer2926]

Servant leadership, as it is defined by modern evangelicalism, is a lie. You should want to be the patriarch and the covenant head of your household; you should want to serve your family by leading, not lead them by serving.

[@romo725]

Why will God not forgive a person when they die and see him, but only forgive them if they choose him on earth. Why is acknowledging him as Lord on earth so important to him? why does He forgive everyone even a serial killer, one who truly repented right before he was carried away to the chair., but not someone who did not believe, but worked at a soup kitchen and truly loved people all their life, heard the gospels and believed that there was not a God?

[@davidmendes3248]

Because salvation is not of works, but by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. All of these good works, from the soup thing you mentioned to ending world hunger, if outside of Christ, means nothing, and they can't save you, not matter how many.: ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭64:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬ [6] But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. God is perfect, and He demands perfection; none of us can achieve that, but He provided a way for us to be saved, and that's the good news of the Gospel: ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:1‭-‬10‬ ‭KJV‬‬ [1] And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; [2] wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: [3] among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. [4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, [5] even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;) [6] and hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: [7] that in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. [8] For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: [9] not of works, lest any man should boast. [10] For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. We're not saved by good works, but by faith, in Jesus Christ alone. I'm all ears if you need to talk, God bless!

[@monkaZETTA]

God created beauty, and everything that God has created is good. So, yes, physical attraction matters. I don't wanna be married to a woman whose beauty I cannot cherish. Otherwise, why would I even get married? I could just be friends. Also, the whole book of Song of Songs is about cherishing physical beauty, isn't it? My problem is that, why not have both inward as well as outward beauty? Why only settle for what's inward if you can also get what's outward along? A lot of Christians don't invest in their appearance at all by using some verses. If you really love your (potential) spouse, you'll take good care of yourself for them to cherish you.

[@markitagittens-pillay5652]

Everyone is beautiful . Some more than others yes lol 1 Samuel 16:7 - God sees not as man sees, man looks on the outward appearance but the LORD looks on the heart.

[@monkaZETTA]

@@markitagittens-pillay5652 Yes, it's a declarative statement. It says that man looks on the outside. Period.

[@ModelJames13]

Exactly. In the Bible Sarah and Rebekah were known to be amazingly beautiful and they were the perfect wives.

[@DemozVisti]

You’re awesome! ❤

[@MichaelMcDonald-my2np]

Do you marry someone for their flesh..... or because you love them? who do you think has God's true blessing?

[@MichaelMcDonald-my2np]

@@trevrockrock16 why not become a eunuch for the kingdom of God and just marry someone because you love them?

[@MichaelMcDonald-my2np]

@@trevrockrock16 then why is there so much adultery? Scripture is for the man of God. You understand scripture as well as the doctors of the law that wanted Jesus crucified.

[@matthewdyer2926]

@@MichaelMcDonald-my2np I'm finding it difficult to believe you've read through your Bible. Physical beauty is described numerous times throughout scripture as a good thing, from Sarah, to Rachel, to Ruth, to Esther, to Job's daughters. Have you never read Song of Solomon? And what on earth are you implying is the "spiritual" meaning of 1 Corinthians 7:2? Enlighten me. 😂

[@MichaelMcDonald-my2np]

@@matthewdyer2926 is Jesus your husband?

[@matthewdyer2926]

@@MichaelMcDonald-my2np No, Jesus is not _my_ husband, and he is not yours either. Jesus has one bride, and it is the Church, of which I am a member, but not the whole. Strange question.

[@kevindavis4709]

How do they they overlook Jesus saying don’t lust how do they bypass that?

[@wytx]

shouldn't men have to try to stay as attractive and romantic as they were at first?

[@ModelJames13]

Men and women both need to do that. It's poor stewardship for a person to let their body go to waste. Especially the marrieds because their body is not only theirs but their spouses as well. 😎

[@JavierPineda50]

❤

[@anthonyroyer8283]

Anyone who says physical attraction isn’t part of a healthy marriage is a fool. If you think otherwise then you should ask your significant other how she feels when you say you don’t think she looks beautiful. And then wait and see how that affects your relationship.

[@constantinarx7681]

I think what John Piper is saying is in the long term, when you put all the various variables on the table, what truly matters! Of course physical attraction is an aspect of marriage that man and woman ought to do their best to maintain out of Godly love for each other- but it shouldn’t be the all in all if you get what I mean. Eg your wife has aged and now has a medical condition that has slowed down her metabolism and make her gain weight rapidly. She tries her best to stay in fit but is no longer as attractive as she was in the youth, is this now considered a dealbreaker? No of course not. Besides you’re missing the point. The husband and wife in the marriage is an imperfect miniature reflection of the glorious relationship between the perfect groom Christ and His imperfect bride the Church. That’s why all in all, we ought to extend the same grace and love God has first extended to us in Christ Jesus to our husband/wife in the marriage irregardless of other more worldly factors that would fade away such as physical attractiveness! So yea It’s all about perspective and weighing out which factors truly matter with a heavenly perspective and not worldly perspective. This world after all is not our home, our marriage to our spouse is certainly far from the end game of the purpose of our life - which is to be reunited with God the Father. For us the church to be finally wed again to our groom Christ Jesus and to never be apart ever again.

[@anthonyroyer8283]

@@constantinarx7681 I’m not missing the point at all. If you find your wife to be ugly even when you’re old and decaying your marriage isn’t healthy. Obviously there’s more to marriage but physical attraction is an absolute 100 percent necessity. If you don’t think your wife is the most beautiful person in the world inside and out you have a huge problem.

[@andreascarlos3851]

So shouldn't there be that initial attraction btw the 2?!

[@samdg1234]

*"shouldn't there be"* Where does 'shouldn't come from? How do you get any imperative from this?

[@sq.ytc.]

🤍🤍🤍

[@greganderson2239]

Yes, it’s necessary for a Godly marriage. You’re allowed to lust after a woman you truly love in Christ, that’s okay. However, it’s not okay to objectify woman and have sex with them as an object of lust in which you don’t love them in which it’s sexual immorality, idolatry etc. God made the body as well as the soul so it’s okay as long as you love each other.

[@TioPika-Pau]

Its possible to actually objectify even your wife, not all sexual atraction is a lustful one, only the outside of the the marriage covenant or the dehumanizing ones inside the marriage.