don’t share my pre-transition pics r/AITA

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[@kylaevelyn1800]

The roommate one is so f-ing weird to me. When I lived with roommates, all the common room furniture was shared, but it still BELONGED to the person who brought or purchased it. Once you move out, you take your stuff with you so why would the other person pay for it? For example, the couch was my roommate's, so they obviously kept it when I moved out, but the armchair was mine so I took it with me.

[@animeartist888]

Exactly! The only exception we had was food. We all ate it, so we all shared the bill. Or we were supposed to anyways. As the one who actually went and bought the groceries, I got royally shafted by two of our roommates. But I never would've asked them to pay for the vacuum I brought or the dishes I shared with them, because those were still mine. I took them with me when we went separate ways. Demanding OP pay for furniture that was FREE and then the power play with the TV? I'd be looking for a new place to live.

[@graceweiland6089]

Yes! I was thinking this the whole time. Everyone brings in furniture and then the person who bought it takes it when you move out. If you do share food, you should rotate who buys or do split/ venmo. Same with Communal consumable supplies like cleaning products and toilet paper

[@riderroni]

I bet the roommates family with the furniture was making her feel weird about “being taken advantage of” or something. Rich people worry about that a loti think. Her pride was wounded and she decided she needed to make OP fix it.

[@Dorlainedainwenz]

Right?! I thought this was common sense.

[@catienoble3191]

For the pre-transition pics one, I think that posting a public reply was actually the best way to handle the situation. OP set a boundary for everyone, not just their aunt, that they are not comfortable with them posting those old pics.

[@alex_blue5802]

Also they should have a chance to set the record straight if someone is posting pictures of them that don't reflect who they are.

[@lucypreece7581]

Something tells me the aunt posted that specific picture on purpose and that OP's family are probably not as accepting as they probably claim to be. using the word "reminding" tells me that the aunt 100% knew and made a consious choice in the moment to use that specific picture. OP is NTA.

[@AmarisFrede]

Besides, who posts old pictures of someone to congratulate on their birthday? Like, unless it's a baby picture as a joke (like, look how much you've grown), why show a not-up-to-date pic of them, to congratulate them? Just weird.

[@lucypreece7581]

​@@AmarisFredeexactly. It feels very purposeful

[@kamianya]

This, I came here to see if anyone else said this.

[@katharineeavan9705]

@@AmarisFrede if it's a pic of you both or that you took on a previous birthday, it's not that uncommon. I could easily be being too kind, but it's entirely possible the aunt is just pretty ignorant of trans experiences and her neice's in particular and didn't realise posting a pic from "that birthday we did such and such" would be a problem, especially if the neice usually seems comfortable with their egg-self in conversation and reminiscing. That being said, if she wants to maintain or build a close relationship, it's then the aunt's responsibility to talk to her neice about her boundaries and experiences and to be mindful of them going forwards, and then take lots more photos of/with the person she is now that they can both enjoy looking back on. And the parents need to stand up for their daughter or butt out of what doesn't concern them

[@arbisofficial]

The furniture one is wild to me... Most of the current furniture in my apartment is mine because my parents sold their house around the same time I moved. The idea of charging my roommates to basically rent that furniture is CRAZY! I get to keep it when we move out so.... It's not... Theirs? Why would they pay for it???

[@AmarisFrede]

Exactly, roommates share stuff all the time anyways. Or would they charge pennies, every time someone uses a bowl that isn't theirs?

[@bob8mybobbob]

It didn’t even occur to me that obviously the furniture is going to outlast this living situation, and that it would follow the parents kid wherever they end up. Just makes the situation even more insane!

[@salamanda11]

I was thinking of that too! It’s honestly cleaner if people bring their own separate things to share (all trying to contribute as equally as you can), but not charging each other since the people that bought/acquired it will keep it when the living arrangement is over.

[@chronic-rose]

requesting that someone kiss you MULTIPLE times when they've said NO even just once is messed up regardless I don't like the way that person treated their partner whom they just hurt, like what the heck?!?

[@enya03]

yeh I agree storming out and slamming the door too :(

[@jolfi11]

I absolutely despise people posting random photos of me online and I'm a cis-het-female. It has happened just a couple of times and I have reached out to the posters and asked them to take it down or ask first if I'm okay with the Foto being online. I always ask people too if I want to put a picture anywhere. It's as simple as that.

[@franny5156]

Yep I've done the same, I don't want my face online and by now all my friends know it

[@SartorialDragon]

Same. Privacy matters to me.

[@zhenia2511]

The first story pisses me off as a college student. Young people are usually pretty broke, it's normal for students to be poor. I don't get the weird expectation that everyone has well-off, supportive relatives that will just pay your way. Like, does that actually happen?

[@dazzydaz]

I hate bots… anyways I agree

[@kooskoos1234]

I mean it does happen, like my parents are paying for my brother, but i dont think its very common lol

[@zhenia2511]

@@kooskoos1234 It's very uncommon where I'm from. You gotta come from a rather privileged household for that actually to happen. Obviously, I'm talking in relation to my native Eastern Europe. I don't know how it is in your homeland.

[@kooskoos1234]

@@zhenia2511 i didn’t say it’s common where i am, just that it does happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also they probably wont have to pay for me since im likely doing uni in my own country when i graduate rather than the US

[@zhenia2511]

@@kooskoos1234 Is college in your country state-funded or not? In my country, it's a little easier because we don't have student loans.

[@kitcat8308]

Shoe tie story: it's the lack of " are you okay, I'm sorry" that makes me believe Shaba is being too kind.... And I can understand why... If I hadn't had a certain number other experiences in dating... Before meeting my lovely goofy clumsy hubby... I'd probably think as she did 😅.....

[@mariannecotte6141]

I really hate the "berating someone you've just asked for help 'cause they're not doing it your way" too, I'm surprised no one has mentioned it

[@fyderaloup]

@kitcat8308 I agree! As the clumsy partner, I tend to accidentally hit or trip on my fiancé regularly, but I always make sure to apologize and check if he’s okay before anything else so it does seem like a red flag that it appears that they made themselves the victim of hurting their partner.

[@ShinyTillDawn]

People scrolling through the comments section, your sexuality and gender identities are valid in the way they are.

[@GachaAracne]

thank you!

[@Little_shop_by_the_sea]

Thanks you too ❤

[@slimdangerous1928]

Thanks 🥺

[@MichiruEll]

As someone who cannot stand being touched when I'm upset, hurt or overwhelmed, I find the third story so aggravating. Tring to help by doing the opposite of what the hurt person wants is selfish. Let hurt people tell you what they need. I'm lucky enough that my wife has learned the "no touch when upset". Interestingly, I'm fine with touching them (like petting their hair), but I cannot stand the other way around.

[@ZombieMinion1992]

So glad to see someone else who feels like this. I feel like the partner was being an asshole by trying to force a "kiss it better" or "kiss and make up" moment where OP had to refuse the kisses 3 TIMES. I'm sure there were people who got bothered by that before it was made clear it was two women and brushed it off after. No matter what gender, you shouldn't push anyone to accept affection. It is so bad when you are hurting and upset and you want to lash out and someone is in your face. It sucks.

[@Gwenx]

​@@ZombieMinion1992hey a 3rd one here! My partner knows that he shouldn't touch me when im hurt, because if he does i might physically lash out. I was recently diagnosed with Autism wich in my case explains some of my behaviours and feelings. I have always been a very "well behaved girl" growing up, but if you boiled my blood enough i would lash out and be extremely agressive. I have experienced some trauma as well in prior relationships. My partner knows my history and he is so good at talking to me and calming me down when i get hurt, he dosent need to touch me to help me, and luckily i have been working with myself a lot so i often to ask for a hug relatively quickly after ❤ If anyone other then my partner tries to comfort me i won't be as quick to calm down, i will surpress my lashing out, but i will also ask them to leave me be 🤷‍♀️

[@flotenstimme4608]

❤

[@fluffydream1127]

I really don't like it when people try to hug/touch me without warning especially when I am mentally/physically hurt or just not in the mood. The third story really had me off on one and I came down here looking for a comment just like this 😊.

[@TiffanyAllen1784]

It’s also so cowardly to send a (not previously discussed) money request to someone you live with. Grow a spine and have a conversation.

[@Zapporah85]

I disagree only because doing something so rude like that would give me an anxiety attack. Ballsy move.

[@mushroomocean5177]

In my last apartment, my mom and family furnished about 80% of that apartment. We didn’t charge any of the roommates because we weren’t out any money. It was all furniture we’d had for years, so it wasn’t an issue.

[@TheAwesomes2104]

Yeah, at first I thought this $75 was going to be about the cost of transport, like maybe they had to rent a van or help to move it, in that case okay, but just bringing stuff in and expecting people to pay arbitrary amounts for it is just predatory.

[@mikaylaeager7942]

@@TheAwesomes2104 I thought the same at first and if that were the case I’d have said OP was the asshole for not paying although the roommate still should have given them a heads up. In reality OP is absolutely not the asshole and the roommates are insane!

[@Serenity_yt]

OP is absolutly not the AH I also really think the roomates could use a reality check I know from my own expierence its really exhausting to constanly deal with very priviliged people that have never gone outside their bubble. I moved out and have been working and paying for myself since I turned 19. And I am aware that I also grew up more priviliged than many but I cant compete with others in my current college in a pretty expensive city that can just afford to buy an expensive car, new phones and clothes constantly, that go out to eat and party often and none of those affect rent or other things. OP should probably distance themselves or take up one pf the solutions from the comments to make that clear to the roommates.

[@Aelffwynn]

Yeah, I've never ever heard of that before. Generally people just bring what they have and everyone uses it (while still respecting that it's one person's property and they'll take it when they move out.)

[@rei_cirith]

The first scenario, I would offer to chip in for the cost of moving said "free" furniture to the dorm room. I don't think OP should have had to pay anything as they are not going to be KEEPING the furniture, and the roommate didn't have to pay anything for the furniture.

[@ladykarolyn1]

For the one where the partner got knocked on the head: I think the core of the problem is that the partner who did the hurting was more concerned with being absolved of guilt or forgiven that with helping the hurt partner recover from being hurt. This kind of injury happens all the time, we all give or receive something like this regularly. If you're the one that did the hurting this time, one way you can help the hurt person is by managing your own feelings of guilt while they recover. I mean, you can also get an ice pack or a glass of water or something if the situation calls for it. The hurt person doesn't owe you swift recovery so that you can stop feeling bad, and taking a while to recover is not automatically them trying to make you feel worse about it-- is just not about you at that moment. When the hurt person is ready, you can ask them to affirm that they know you didn't mean to hurt them. And at any time, you can validate their pain and apologize without expecting immediate forgiveness. Unless they're actually upset about something else or something bigger, the hurt person will forgive you freely as soon as their emotional upset has calmed down. You just need to let this moment be about them until they are no longer hurting so bad.

[@animeartist888]

So much this! If you really want to make it up to them, ask if you can get them anything. Ice pack, bandage, a sweet treat to get their mind off it- that said, be prepared for the answer to be no. Sounds to me that these two need to sit down and talk about how they were feeling in the moment and how they want to handle these situations in the future.

[@AnnaDeeDee]

The shoe one: my first impression was completely different! I would be very upset if I got hit by accident and my partner reacted by demanding physical affection and then getting mad and leaving while slamming the door! I grew up being subjected to "I caused harm - > you react in a way that makes me have to see that I caused harm - > I will try to get you act like it's no big deal, regardless of how you feel and punish you if you don't - > I expect you to apologize to me afterwards and will give you the silent treatment until you do", so that's my reference point. I'm very glad they resolved it in a healthier way than that, but that doesn't make the partner's reaction okay. I'd say the partner owes OP an apology. I think it's fascinating how our experiences make us read the same words in a completely different way! I usually agree with your opinions on these AITAs, so it's striking to me when that isn't the case!

[@katharineeavan9705]

I can see it both ways. I've been in both the boat you describe, and the boat where I accidentally hurt someone and they acted like I'd deliberately punched them in the face or something. If the partner has experience of the latter, then OP immediately going to sit away from them and acting (to their perception) cold and angry and refusing affection over an accident would have seemed very hurtful, especially if the partner was already a little on edge from back pain. Doesn't make their reaction right, but it does make it understandable imo.

[@claritybadb]

I agree, Anna. Their reaction to accidentally doing harm bothered me a lot.

[@latronqui]

I think there just wasn't enough information on the post to know for sure whether Shaaba's interpretation is right or wrong, I think it could be either, depending on what happens next in their relationship. I don't think Shaaba thinks the partner's reaction is ok, but she's assuming she didn't do it on purpose and can still learn, while you and some others are assuming she won't admit she was wrong and it will get worse. I think it would be good for the OP to be aware of the two options and keep observing.

[@v3ru586]

Story 1 "who does that?" My mom. Bought me clothes (ugly + uncomfortable), so I have something "proper" to wear. Made me pay for it. While I was job hunting (unsuccessfully), while paying rent to my parents. All the while calling me selfish and ungrateful for complaining about running out of money, or asking her to stop. Also, I was struggling with badly managed adhd, which I got blamed for, too. Used as additional proof, that I was childish and dependent.

[@ellanina801]

Your mom sucks 😳! She sounds hella controlling. I hope you got out of there and are taking care of you ❤️‍🩹 Also I would say you aren’t selfish at all. Totally different if she went shopping with you.

[@tkrause1116]

I am so sorry. This sounds like a highly toxic and manipulative situation. I really hope you have outside emotional support. Take care.

[@AmarisFrede]

I hope you got out of there and are in a more loving space now. It's good you realize this was never your fault, but is abusive behavior of someone who should treat you with kindness and respect.

[@Rei-invented]

Yes. So often my grandmother would say that she was buying me and my dad stuff, but she was actually dipping from our bank account, meanwhile we are excited and grateful for the gift, until I realized we didn't have enough money TO LIVE when she passed away because of all of her gift giving. Me and my dad are disabled and we're her dependants.

[@OingoDeLaBoingo]

Titular story: as another trans person, yeah you absolutely need consent from someone to post a pre transition image. Of course it all depends on the person but typically consent to share old images is needed or at least preferred. Context can also make the situation vary. Edit: I am not the arbiter of The Trans Community, this is simply my own opinion

[@FrancisR420]

Is there an exception if the trans person posts a lot of old collages or before and afters publicly themselves or is that just gauche?

[@arcticturtle12]

At least for me, I always always ask anyone who I’m gonna post pictures of either the photo I want to post.

[@ellanina801]

It sort of sounds like it was a passive aggressive move. Definitely misgendering intentionally

[@WishGender]

@@FrancisR420you should always ask first. Honestly just in general you should ask people before sharing or posting pictures of them

[@fantasystaplesuwu1554]

As a nonbinary person... nah. It's not my image to choose not to share. If my friends or family want to share an old photo in which I still presented femininely, I can just politely explain my current pronouns. It's not that big of a deal. Goddamn. Obviously they just wanted to share a memory. If I even suspected they meant harm, I wouldn't be friends with them or wouldn't associate with them.. But they are my friends and family, so I give them the benefit of doubt because I am a decent person and don't automatically assume the worst. I dont need to control what my friends or family post.

[@frostnovaomega1152]

Elbow story: So I have BPD and this is the exact stuff that makes me fly off the rails. Not the accidental elbowing, but rather the "chasing after someone, not letting them cool off" thing. I'm actually pretty good at self-regulating, but when people don't let you do that, they have no right to complain about the response that follows. I know this is a me thing, but for me, this is instant breakup material. Would not date somebody who disrespects my boundaries to the point of not letting me practice self-care.

[@AmarisFrede]

Wow, I envy you! I had an ex do that to me countless times. I thought, since he wanted to show affection and not be violent, he must be in the right, and I in the wrong. I finally got my peace after breaking up with him. I hope in the future, I'll be able to keep a firm boundary like you.

[@jamiebumbaugh]

with my anxiety, i tend to chase after people i hurt until they give me reassurance that they/everything is okay. otherwise i will overthink it and make it feel (in my mind) more dramatic than it actually is. i would have a similar reaction as the partner in this situation. thankfully my partner knows i need reassurance and will just be like "everything's fine, i just need a second to myself," and then I'll leave them alone.

[@animeartist888]

I don't have any mental condition to cause it, but I absolutely despise the chasing, too. If I say I need a minute, that means I need a dang minute! Thankfully, I've found myself a hubby who understands and respects that boundary. I use it whenever I realize that what I'm angry about is not his fault. If I can take a minute to step back and calm down, I won't take out my anger on him. Win-win. Chasing down someone and then demanding that they accept affection when they've told you they need a minute alone is a surefire way to get me to dislike you.

[@artheenbyrogue804]

Right off the title, i would say nta as a trans person. When my family show my friends when I looked more "girly" i get super uncomfortable and it makes me so upset and causes me dysphoria. It definitely depends on the person but that's just my opinion! Okay while listening to the story HUGE NTA! While I'm still a minor, I'm not fully out to my family. They do, however, notice I get uncomfortable with my old pictures and don't do it on important days like my DAMN BIRTHDAY?! I don't know what's up with the aunt but that's hugely disrespectful to OP on her birthday nonetheless. And yeah mistakes happen ofc but the end reaction (calling her an AH) was rude and disrespectful.

[@Seraphina-Rose]

As the mother of a trans person, this is very helpful to hear, thank you for sharing your experiences! 💙

[@artheenbyrogue804]

​@@Seraphina-Roseyour child is so lucky to have you. Thank you for being an amazing parent :)

[@artheenbyrogue804]

​@Quailbonesok

[@artheenbyrogue804]

​@notville_wrong channel bro this is his wife, and that's not true whatsoever

[@miadifferent7306]

For a moment I thought it’s Monday. 😁

[@Im_Iconic-Youre_Ironic]

Please don't 🤣

[@OingoDeLaBoingo]

It is (blatantly lying)

[@erikasuttle409]

Same here XD I don't mind though

[@VicunaVicount]

For the first post I really hope OP has a rental agreement in writing. I can see getting more random furniture backfiring horribly.

[@alexhika]

First story: I have gained lots of experience with flatmates and furniture over the last decade 😂 it is extremely weird and unwise to take up an unfurnished place with other people and not discuss furniture before or matters such as budget for the shared properties, ESPECIALLY if you have different budgets. It is extra hard to live with people with a different income, you need to be good at communicating and care about each other. Having said that, they all discussed the tv thing before and OP's flatmates blatantly ignored it, so I guess in this particular case poor OP was just unlucky and ended up with a bunch of assholy flatmates 😢 I hope they'll have a chance to move out soon ❤

[@blahalujza]

As someone who was single well into their thirties, the last story reminded me of the fact that single relatives are often treated like children regardless of their age. The couple is entitled to a room, because they are higher in the hierarchy. On the other hand in a healthy family dynamic I would have offered myself to move to the couch just because it makes more sense than buying an inflatable mattress just for one night.

[@animeartist888]

Normally, I'd agree but... Being that OP is paying for the use of that room, that changes things. Imagine living with a group of friends where you're all sharing rent and then another friend comes in with a spouse and the group specifically wants you to give up your living space that you're paying for in order for the couple to have a bed together. I'm married. I would feel awful if I were the sibling here. We'd either be bringing a futon or finding another place, because I wouldn't let my sibling give up the space they're actively paying for in order for a few nights of comfier sleep.

[@wegotthechoccies]

As a trans person, I would hate if anyone showed people my pre transition photos without my consent. I don't use those photos anymore. I don't use that name anymore. Yes, those photos are technically me. But because they're me, that means they're my photos, and I get to decide who is allowed to see them

[@jayjayvanity7711]

The roommate story I had to laugh at because that was pretty much my situation. I contributed everything to our shared living room via donations from my fam of things they were getting rid of, including sofa and TV. I didn’t expect to get anything in return and just told my roommates that if I want to I will take the things with me when I moved out unless they wanted to all chip in to buy it from me. I problems.

[@marcywu5005]

With the story about op accidentally getting elbowed in the head I think her partner's reaction was really iffy. Getting mad at their partner for needing a moment and then subsequently getting angry over a refusal of affection a.k.a setting boundaries?

[@CristataArt]

For the last story, I would say NTA even if they weren't paying. It's where you live-it's where you're most comfortable as well as being where you keep all of your personal belongings. The OP never mentioned what their relationship is like with their brother and his partner, but if it was me, I'd spend that entire two days worrying about whether or not they'd respect my personal boundaries. What if they break or damage something? What if one of them decides to steal something? What if they go snooping around? What if they get down and dirty on my bed? There's absolutely no way I'd be okay with any of that. OP and their parents can find a different solution that works for everyone.

[@karidru5272]

This so much. I hate how often it boils down to "well since you paid for it, it's REALLY yours." Like you can't have privacy unless you contribute adequately to the economy.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

The accidental injury story is (almost) straight out of my life. But it's me and my son. I'm fairly fragile due to chronic health issues. He has issues with spacial awareness and social interaction due to autism. Long story short, he has injured me several times but didn't mean to and freaked out because he didn't know how to interpret my reaction. I have found that communication is key. He used to react in very clingy, unhelpful ways because my need to take a minute to recover wasn't what he'd expect in that situation (he prefers to be comforted and doted upon if he gets hurt). I realize it was him trying to make it better but it only made it worse. I figured out that it was better if I asked him to go do something that would help me because it made him feel like he was helping fix his mistake and I could have a second. For example, if he accidentally hit me in the head I'd say "I know it was an accident and I'll be fine but could you grab me an ice pack." The behavior of that person's partner's behavior MIGHT be red flags but it could also be a response based on limitations in communication or even their past trauma. The point is that they need to talk about it. I mean, just as people have different love languages they have different preferences in how they are cared for in negative situations.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

@ville__ I'm sure there are some typos in there. Can you please clarify?

[@glitterspray]

@@lindsayosterhoff2459no typos that I find. What do you need clarified?

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

@ville__ We are both currently homebound (long story, not really important). Before that happened he went to the women's or a gender neutral restroom. He's nonbinary (assigned female at birth and still has some fairly feminine features but uses male pronouns) and doesn't really care all that much about which room he uses so he goes for what is safest for him in our fairly conservative area.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

@ville__ Also, I've found that many places are starting to have special restrooms that are a single stall that are gender neutral and more accessible for those with disabilities. Those are a go to for both of us when possible. Those are the ideal for both him and for me since they are the safest option for various reasons.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

​@ville__Years ago I was in one when on a trip to England. It was quite nice. There was much more space and privacy than the public restrooms I'm used to. Unfortunately there aren't any in my area (I live in the US).

[@maurinet2291]

Re free furniture: What no one is talking about is that this furniture was a gift from the parents to the roommate. The furniture is there for the other roommates to use while they're in this living situation; but it doesn't belong to them. So, when the roommates graduate/go their separate ways, the roommate with the generous parents will still have the furniture for their new apartment or whatever unless other arrangements are made, the others won't.

[@Phrancieee]

My oldest sister sometimes crosses a line with my and what I want to joke about or what I'm willing to tolerate in terms of being annoyed (normal sibling stuff like poking and teasing) and when she crosses the line and upsets me I tell her that's she upset me and that I would like her to leave me alone. I'm usually calm at that point because I know my emotions pretty well and I can tell when I'm rocketing towards snapping and can warn people about that. Every time. EVERY TIME! No matter HOW MANY TIMES I have told her calmly after the fact that literally all I need in that moment is like. Idk. *Five minutes* of space to cool down and no longer be upset, even IN THE MOMENT where I tell her that through gritted teeth, she *insists* that I must give her a hug and following me around to apologize and keep asking for a hug. I have told her many times that this is the second worst thing she could possibly do in those moments (first being continuing the behavior that made me upset in the first place). I know that to *her,* she doesn't feel like she's properly apologized until she's given a hug. I KNOW she's trying to be kind and helpful. I have acknowledged her intentions and still told her that for me, it makes me feel claustrophobic and pressured and makes me just that much more likely to snap (which I don't want to do). When she DOES leave me alone for that cool-off time, she acts like a kicked puppy about it which makes me need like ANOTHER cool-off period. Differences in how people want to give apologies versus how people want to receive apologies sucks so bad because neither party WANTS to cause pain and hurt, but nobody wins. (....I say all this as if I don't start crying (unintentionally and I try not to make it her problem) when my other sister gets annoyed or upset with me. 😂)

[@suzannepottsshorts]

Set a five minute "hug" timer and tell her she can have her hug when the timer goes off? 🤷

[@AmarisFrede]

My ex used to do that. You've explained your boundary to your sister multiple times, probaly also not during a fight. She doesn't want to respect the boundary. She isn't working on changing her behavior, but instead giving you the feeling that you need to apologize (acting like a kicked puppy). This isn't respectful. The only thing you can do is leave. If you are able to leave the house, maybe warn her once (but only once, or she'll push that boundary too), and really go. Leave and only return once you're calm again. Then tell her again, that when she doesn't respect your boundary, you need to leave. If you cannot leave, then if possible, lock yourself in your room. If she bangs the door/talks through it (my ex used to do that), put on headphones with something you like hearing on high volume. I hope you don't need a lot of endurance for this. She will not change her behavior. So you must change yours. Sorry, but that's the way it works.

[@katharineeavan9705]

Does she know what you find hurtful and just get carried away, or does she stumble into things during sibling interactions? Is there any kind of boundary you've established for the teasing itself? (don't poke me where I'm ticklish, don't go near my face, don't joke about this particular topic, stop and check in with me if I stop responding in kind etc.). If it's the former then maybe you need to put your foot down and just say no more sibling banter because she doesn't seem able to restrain herself from taking it too far in the heat of the moment, even if she regrets it after. If it's the latter then you should probably have a proper talk about what it is that actually upsets you in these interactions, rather than fostering a dynamic where she thinks you're both having fun/bonding and then between one beat and the next is being told she's upset you and needs to go away. That's not fair on either of you. You're getting hurt and getting your boundaries violated on the regular, and she's getting emotional whiplash and being left with the blame and fallout of mutual poor communication. If, after establishing your boundaries for the teasing, she continues to transgress them, then back to option A: no more sibling banter. Find another way to bond. If you often don't know what the boundaries are yourself until she's crossing them, then that's also option A. Even if it's usually a normal and healthy part of your dynamic, neither of you deserve the unnecessary hurt and damage to your relationship when it goes wrong.

[@vadskamanta]

For the first story. I would personally have offered *something* for the furniture, or rather the moving in of them. Like offered to pay for some gas or whatever. I can also see the pov of the family feeling pressured to furnish it. Even if they were going to buy new furniture, it wouldn't necessarily have happened at the exact time as it did, if they didn't feel the need to furnish their child's apartment. It's a different story if they already had new furniture and just kept the old ones for the purpose of the child moving out. Still don't think anyone is entitled to money for said furniture, especially if it wasn't discussed beforehand. On the second part of that, where they went out and bought a TV without discussing it, I think it's fair to say "Hey, since you didn't pitch in, please don't use it" but at the same time, that's a dangerous slope when it comes to people you live with... Are you not gonna be able to eat with a particular fork because someone else paid for it? Or use the toilet paper etc etc etc The roommates in that story are AH's and I hope OP finds another living situation quickly because I only see that escalating from that point on

[@WhichDoctor1]

the furniture could be innocent lack of communication. But the TV thing is just a clear power play to me. The flatmate didn't like getting pushback on the furniture thing and so decided to up the anti by buying the TV even though collectively they had agreed not to get one, and then threatening to exclude OP from the common area if she didn't help pay for it. Seems to me like the flatmate feels entitled to other people's money and is willing to use emotional manipulation and bullying to get it. I get the feeling if OP did give in and pay up that would not be the last time she found an undiscussed charge on her Venmo for random things flat mate wanted to buy and expected other people to help her pay for

[@TheAwesomes2104]

​@@WhichDoctor1 Oh, yeah, 100%. The roommate comes across like she's done stuff like this before. She's testing the waters to see just how much she can get away with. It used to be hard for me to see that in other people because it just doesn't come naturally to me to use people like pawns and toys, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come naturally to other people. That's like 100 red flags at once to me because you can just see exactly what she's doing, and the fact that OP even had to ask if they were the AH shows that evil roommate probably targeted them like this because she can tell they'd be easy to gaslight and manipulate. If you have to ask AITAH about this (especially the tv, like wtf) then you'll probably accept a lot of abuse without recognizing it/doing anything about it.

[@katharineeavan9705]

I think they genuinely didn't realise how different OP's situation is to their own, and when it was brought to their attention over the furniture thing they had a guilt and avoidance reaction. Not over the furniture, but over their own privilege. That's why they escalated and tried to call OP out on "lying" about paying their own rent - they wanted to prove that they don't have it any easier than OP and that they shouldn't have to think about how their roommate might be struggling while they live it up, because being in close proximity to difficulty can be uncomfortable when you live in a bubble of privilege and they're not willing to address why that is.

[@GamesAndShips]

For the shoe one: It really seems like similar growing pains me and my spouse had in our relationship. Around 1.5 years into our relationship, I seriously messed up my back, causing me to be in pain quite often and need help with daily chores. The pain would leave me snappy and I had perfectionist tendencies, when he would do something differently, it was doing something wrong, amplified by me being in pain. Our communication skills got better very quickly because after each argument we would sit down, talk about how each thing made us feel and why, and how we could both support each other better moving forward. At five years in, we have excellent communication in large part due to this. So NAH for me, but it is a good call to sit and have a long talk about what happened and how they can work together better in the future to make it less upsetting.

[@animeartist888]

Communication is key! It's a common saying for a reason!

[@soraia_4383]

To the first one: If the roomate moves out is she going to take the furniture with her? Then it's her furniture, not everyone else's, so she can't expect others to pay for it. she can expect payment only if HER funiture is damaged later. the third one: I don't think it's ok to get angry over your partner not wanting a kiss. It's happened to me before and nobody should need to let anyone touch them in any circumstance if they don't feel like it. partners need to let the other cool down and make up later. Slamming the door and making someone feel guilty because they didn't want a kiss that exact moment? not good. obviously not a reason to break up, but it's a reason to have a conversation about this. And I agree, the rest of it was no big deal.

[@HiltownJoe]

When it comes to the elbow to the head story, i have to disagree with you. From the post there is not a single line that suggests the partner had any concern for OP. The closest thing to concern was the demand for OP to kiss them kina as a performative proof that they are not mad at them. Partner hurt OP and the first thing they did was blaming OP because they tied the shoes wrong. OP got hurt because they tied their partners shoes wrong, not because their partner was angry and careless. If that is not a red flag, then I am colorblind.

[@HighAsHeckPriestess]

I gave away all my furniture and cookware when I left my old apartment to the freshmen moving in. Most of everything I had then cost me nothing, and wasn't in good enough condition to charge for anyway. Even with stuff I did buy, it didn't matter cuz I would still end up paying for a new better version of the thing I gave away

[@Whale-Shark-Katie]

This was weirdly perfectly timed cuz now I have an AITA video on my birthday c:

[@linearg]

Happy birthday!!! Hope your having a great day!

[@ThatGreenNugget]

Happy birthday!🎉

[@PaniPunia]

For the second one - I know it's not the same, so don't come at me, but, if the family is willing to talk it might be helpful to use an example. Find a horrible photo of the person (everyone has at least one), show them and ask how would they feel? Would they be ok with being reminded of a bad time in their lives? Do they want to share it with the world? Or a nude photo (no example to show, just ask). People in general have problems with understanding things they never experianced, and they need something they can personally connect to. Of course OP is not the ahole.

[@alex_blue5802]

Even better, ask how they would react if someone posted it without their permission. Obviously they would say something about it.

[@chicknbaconranchmelt]

For the last one, my bed has always been the one that guests sleep in simply because I have a full sized bed while my sister has a twin sized bed and my parent's obviously aren't gonna give up their bed. It's completely fine and I've known about the arrangement since I got the bed, but yeah if I was paying to stay there i would be PISSEDDD

[@zoekrishel6677]

In the 2nd story, i interpreted it as abusive, manipulative and with big red flags- just like the 1st response you read. Its was the ‘youre not doing it right’ and then the demanding a kiss multiple times followed up with anger, door slamming and leaving.

[@shnafnif]

I think it's the third story

[@Ccrrppmm]

Shaaba you’re so lovely and kind. Don’t like hearing you call yourself silly for promoting your music! Can’t wait to hear it :)

[@zaraandrews600]

Story 1: My dad has bought me stuff for my house before, often stuff I did not even want. Instead it is stuff he wants to make himself 'more comfortable when at mine'. I move quite regularly (maybe every 2 years generally due to financial insecurity) and often quite a distance from the last place (which makes it extremely expensive). It is really annoying when he comes to visit and I have told him not to buy anymore items for the house, then I come back to find a new coffee filter when he already has two at mine. Also, the story reminds me of why I tried my hardest not to live with anyone else when I was at uni. I would get so annoyed when my flatmates would suddenly decide to have a party. The second load of flatmates I remember constantly left their food out, with all the windows open and we had a big squirrel problem on campus, so I was always worried I would come in to find a hoard of squirrels.

[@silverrraven5349]

first story reminds me of a time many years ago where the boy scouts stole our christmas tree and then tried to charge us for their removal service (we had left it in the front lawn to deal with later on the same day they came around to pick up trees by people who had asked for this service (it was a fundraiser they were running))

[@taraskat]

What?! A Thursday AITA episode, and it just so happens to be my birthday?! I'm so excited, and I can't wait to dig in! ❤🩷💜

[@Meloony13]

For the third story there are definitely no arseholes. Accidents happen. Not giving someone a chance to help when you are displaying anger towards them is a horrible feeling, not having space to self-regulate is also a horrible feeling. That's life, they can communicate and in the future handle situations better with more awareness of the other's emotional responses. People should not be calling either of them arseholes as they're both understandable responses to the situation.

[@coasttocoast2011]

In regards to the first one, I have 2 colleagues who are both single mothers and they often struggle when talking to mum’s with a husband as to why their child can’t do as many activities for example People struggle to understand a situation if they’ve not personally gone through it

[@TheHeathersponge]

My husband and I are both very clumsy and we frequently accidentally hurt ourselves and each other. I think you always feel the guilt when you the one doing the damage and the desperation to fix it can come off as pushy but in a good relationship, once the pain and panic has subsided you reconcile. I think anyone in a relationship relates to that story.

[@gilesluver]

1st: that's being high handed 3 times over. Charging for furniture you were told was free, buying the TV (in revenge?), and then accusing you of lying. It sounds like the roommates are entitled af.

[@squishyAO3]

I think it depends on the aunt’s motive… was the old, pre-transition pic shared to shame/deadname etc? Sounds like the OP’s family is at least a little transphobic…

[@alex_blue5802]

To me it sounds like they don't understand and are putting their own needs first. My family can be like this sometimes and I recognize that sort of behavior. It seems self-centered more than transphobic.

[@marcellemccalla6325]

I'm agreeing with some of the others in the comments about the shoe situation. Not only did the partner not ask if they were ok, but doubled down by blaming them for getting injured by reiterating that they weren't doing it "right" and then wanted you to comfort them with physical affection when you are in pain. When you did not consent they continued to ignore the fact that you were physically injured but instead made it about themselves and then attempting to make you feel guilt for refusing their advances. None of this was ok.

[@j.apenrose7896]

The story about the shoe tying, is 100% NAH. And now that it's happened, I hope OP and her partner can sit down together and discuss what they both need in that scenario in the inevitable time something like that happens again. I know my partner and I regularly accidentally hurt each other thanks to both being uncoordinated piles of limbs😅

[@kierstenburtz8442]

I literally clicked on this saying, out loud, "What the heck Shaaba! It's Thursday!" Lol! You scared me for a sec because here I was thinking the week was almost over but I'm seeng our weekly monday ahole video!

[@onewomanarmy6451]

Concerning the birthday photo I think it was a good thing op commented her answer instead of sending a private message. With that very clear and kind "these are the rules" comment she might have nipped a bunch of future similar posts in the bud. She shouldn't have had to do this at all but as it apparently isn't an obviously rude, unkind and hurtful thing to do for that aunt, there is a good chance some other family members similarly haven't thought about what posting such a photo signals at all.

[@saschaobvious]

Oh wow, I think this is the first one where I agreed with everything you said! Go us, woot I do wish they would make an "asshole move" badge, because like the shoe tying girlfriend, her storming out was a bit of an ahole move)reaction, but that didn't make her an asshole.

[@SartorialDragon]

16:45 - she asked you for a favor, you did her a favor. - as you did the favor, she criticised that you are doing the favor wrong - the way she moved hurt you - the intention was not hurtful, but the impact was - you're in pain (plus maybe her criticism hurt too), ofc you need to take a moment - you can take breaks whenever you need breaks no matter what the situation is - YOU decide how to handle a bad moment. Your partner should not force their "help" on you to make HERSELF feel better. - you never, ever owe your partner physical affection NTA. Partner is the A.

[@Unchained_Alice]

That second one angers me so much. Say to the family "Good to know how you really feel. Now only contact me when you are ready to apologise." I feel so sorry for that OP

[@WyrmofOak]

Honestly, the pre-transition pic story hit something deep and personal in me that I've been actively trying to ignore because I frankly don't think I'll ever get closure for it? It's not the same situation, but my dad for the longest time refused to afirm my gender behind my back. To my face he'd be fine, but when I wasn't around he, from what I can gather, never put any effort in. How do I know this? Well, he accidentally told on himself when he asked why my name in out WhatsApp group was my deadname, not realising that WhatsApp uses your own phone's contact IDs for the names. This was something like four years after I'd come out and before that moment I honestly thought we were fine. It honestly shattered my trust in a way I don't know if he's ever going to be able to make up for. There's been other stuff, too, but yeah. People can be downright insidious about shit like this, and it sucks.

[@PonyKrystal]

My mom and I are very close. We are constantly asking permission to hug or other comfort touches we do. especially when one or both of us are having a hard time/are upset. Sometimes you want the comfort from another person's touch, but cant handle it just yet. Anyone can have a sensory overload, especially when they get hurt in some way; and being touched can be to much in the moment, but they may need that comforting touch at a later time. You have to respect your loved ones boundaries.

[@Transitive_Shroom]

Me, who doesn’t know what day it is most of the time even while working full time: waiiiit a minute…. Congrats on the EP! Not silly at all. Phenomenal - that’s a lot of hard work, and courage, behind the scenes and i look forward to having a listen 🎉

[@cuminsiderocknroll4127]

Rooting for your new single 🎉 yay Shaaba ❤

[@positivecynic365]

My 6 year old accidentally hurts me a lot and then it turns into a situation like NAH one 😂 If anyone knows how to help another person navigate their big feelings after they accidentally clobber someone, please send advise because it always ends with a melt down and me having to comfort the devastated 6 year old long after I am over the situation!

[@CupcakeandDuckie]

So awesome your song comes out on my birthday! Can't wait to listen to it! ❤

[@ambereagleswood1429]

Happy Birthday!!:)

[@evermore331]

The third story is horrifying to me. The idea of someone repeatedly expressing that they expect me to kiss them and then storming out when I didn't - under any circumstances - is so upsetting. It feels coercive, not like a "cute" couple moment. I don't often disagree so strongly with Shaaba so it's surprising to me that I'm so disturbed but the idea of finding that cute or even normal

[@marcellemccalla6325]

I feel the same. I felt the partner was extremely emotionally manipulative

[@evermore331]

@@marcellemccalla6325 absolutely

[@botanicalitus4194]

for the one before the last one, its really immature for the partner to tell op "sorry that happened" rather than "sorry I did that". The language they used seems to not take any accountability for their mistake

[@Ari_C]

yeah, especially since that only seems to be about the elbowing and they never apologized for trying to get op to kiss them even after being told no multiple times.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

Story 1: just agree that the furniture belongs to the roommate & they can take it with them when they move out. All settled! It seems like these privileged roommates are unable or unwilling to understand poor/poverty perspectives. Story 2: if the aunt both used OPs deadname, old pictures, & misgendered, then I definitely think she meant to be offensive, but just the picture is probably a mistake. OP was right in posting a more recent picture in the comments, but even without OPs comment, the aunt looked like they selected the wrong person's picture like so many old people do on Facebook. The Aunt should have just apologized, say, "oops, selected wrong pic! Im so sorry! Ill fix my labeling & thank you for the updated pic! You look so beautiful! ❤" Or "omg, im so sorry! Thank you for getting me a more recent pic! I will make sure to use this one in the future! ❤"

[@shaiannemetzeling5955]

I'm so glad I am never this early cause I work Monday's. I'm so excited

[@louisgirl369]

NEEDED the validation of remembering I don't owe someone the protection of their feelings ❤ Thank you Shaaba

[@krazycats564]

Totally understand the aunt just not understanding. It's a situation she probably hasn't been in before but OP was very polite and thoughtful

[@helenacrispim3744]

About hurting partners... I'm very very clumsy person. I have bruises on my legs, arms, recently I got a really big one around my ribs for bumping against a parked car while I was walking my dog. My husband worried at first, but after 5 years together with every single day he listening random exclamations of pain when I walk around the house... he laughs first and then tries to see if it was anything serious. The problem is that my clumsiness sometimes targets him. For example, once I opened the refrigerator door and hit his foot by accident. I, of course, apologize... but I'm so used of getting hurt on a daily basis from being clumsy that sometimes I think I'm not as sensitive about hurting my husband as I should be when it happens. haha Of course, it's never something super dangerous. I'm actually very careful and tell him not to get near me when I'm cooking, specially when I have a knife. xD He says he'll build a force field around me to see if I stop showing up with bruises. ♥

[@soundlessbee]

The first one reminded me of an older video, where a mother who worked as a cleaner, had cleaned their child's flat without asking and left a bill. People absolutely can't do things and expect others to pay for it without discussing it first. Especially since the new room-mates don't really know each other, no assumptions should be made. I don't think it's okay to publish any pictures about other people without their consent, so definitely NAH. Also if the Aunt had an issue with OP's reactions she should have brought it up herself. The third one is weird, because I read it completely differently than most people seem to have. Almost every time I leave the house turns out to be rather chaotic event, because I'm always in a rush. I can easily imagine, if I hurt someone by accident, I would react very instinctively and then run out of the house to not be late. Sometimes people just react stupidly in a surprising situation and that's pretty natural. If the partners have never been in this situation before, perhaps the partner is trying to comfort the OP in a way that they would like to be comforted. In the last one, I think it was fine that the parents asked, but it was also fine that the OP chose to stay in the room. It reminds me of the AITA posts where someone asks someone to wear something different. I don't think changing my clothes for someone's request is a big deal, because I don't care much of clothes, but others seem to think it's AH to even ask it. What I do care about a lot is my space and in OP's situation, I definitely wouldn't want my sibling and their partner in my room. I wouldn't want them in there even if I was away and wasn't staying in the room myself. I guess my point is that people care about different things and have different boundaries. It's okay to ask for favours, but people are always entitled to decline.

[@breannam611]

For that trans picture one I am firmly not the asshole- I'm not trans but I have had weight issues I just image it as if someone posted a picture of me that I hated and how upset I would have been so much worst then the OP in the comments.

[@Elwene2fr]

For the last story, I think there's a middle ground between what you said Shabba and what the person on Reddit said. I don't think it's the most red flags thing but I don't agree that it's nothing. OP's partner still hurt them and her first reflexe was to deflect it and not say sorry. Then she tried to put the blame on OP and not respect their boundaries. Sorry to say but OP's partner is an asshole on this one and she should work on listening to her girlfriend and her girlfriends needs a bit more because the way she reacted is neither healthy not respectul.

[@lauraevans2104]

So the first one, the furniture is then the Roomates who's family gave it to them. I'm an adult and just moved away from my friends. She owned the coffee table and entertainment center, I owned the couch and end tables. We both bought mops and shelves. When we left, we took our things with us... Like if you dumped a bottle of wine on it, then yeah like you should cover the cost. NTA. OMG, the roomates are jerks. Also, like if you are pitching in for the different things, that means they're mutually owned, I bet that roomate will expect to take all that stuff with them when they leave and not buy out their roomates... make it make sense.

[@flotenstimme4608]

In the roomate story I remembered my University time. After a week or so, I told my roommates that in my Point of view they were using unreasonable amount of soap and other products we wanted to pay and buy together and offered as a solution, that I use separate products. They agreed and we lived happily four years together without any argument about this. So yeah, I like the solution of an own corner in the common space. But actually I fear that they keep being the way they are, and then I d move away as soon as I could. 😢

[@TheAwesomes2104]

Honestly, in the roommate one I'd definitely be looking into the terms of the lease as far as soliciting to other roommates. One of my friends in college got a roommate moved and threatened with eviction because they refused to stop pestering her and their other 2 roommates about her MLM scam. They had a clause in the lease about trying to run businesses/solicit in your apartment. A lot of places have these sort if clauses now because its actually not that uncommon of a problem. One unit we got had horrible carpet stains all in the living room and the woman who had been living there for years was running a hair salon out of the living room. Ended up being moved to a different apartment after that one. So, if she is just bringing in random stuff and demanding the OP pays for it, this is really nothing more than soliciting. She's literally trying to force OP to "buy" items she didn't even know were being brought to the apartment, and that is no different from constantly burning sentsy candles in the living room and then trying to charge the other roommates for them. I just can't imagine the audacity. When I rented, I'd bring in bouquets of flowers for our kitchen island and decorated (with roommates agreement) with my own paintings, and never once did i think "Hmm, everyone else should pay for this.)

[@sagieaesir13]

For the shoe story, I actually agree with Shaaba. People are quick to call things 'toxic' when you don't know the nature of someone's relationship, and it's frustrating that people expect their partners to be 'perfect.' People make mistakes, and the truth is we as outsiders don't know what OP and their partner's relationship is like, so why do we think that we can butt in when it's unnecessary? I'm no stranger to this - I do it all the time, but I make mistakes. We all do. Like Shaaba said, it really doesn't seem that deep and not everything has to be so taken so seriously.

[@daetsmlowolfuar2056]

Recently found your channel via a rabbit hole chain of creators and am currently binging your backlog and I think you'll become one of my go to decompression channels. The roommate one really hit a nerve with me being a child of poverty and having clawed my way up to the boundary between working and middle class. I've had friends most of my life that were from much better off families and had a lot of trouble understanding (let alone respecting) my fiscal limitations. I finally got one of them to try getting by for a few months without their parents money or connections and they managed to explain to the others in a way they'd understand just how much it sucks to be poor in our hyper capitalist society. The one about the couple accidentally hurting each other is part of the reason I've become extremely phlegmatic over the years. It wasn't a partner but my mom that massively overreacted and crowded me when I was recovering. So now I end up reacting to fairly severe pain with a very understated 'ow' to keep people around me from overreacting and making the situation either worse, or at the least more stressful. I pretty much agreed with all of your judgements in this one given the information available

[@Zapporah85]

I just moved in to a new house with my old roommate and 2 new ones. I had extra cash saved up for the move, so I bought a few appliances used or store damage, a bunch of used furniture, etc. I also paid the deposit. I did that of my own free will, so my roommates are not obligated to pay me back. They have offered to pay some back, which is kind of them, but not their duty. And the one thing I did buy explicitly for my roommate, a matress, I checked with him first that $100 would be okay. Thats how it ought to be. If you're going to pay for something in the house, make sure you can handle it alone. If it's a necessity that you would like to split with everyone, DISCUSS it first.

[@tarynbarker2107]

If you accidentally hurt someone, you first reaction (imo) should be to apologize and/or ask if they are okay. The fact that the partner did neither of those? Yeah I think Shaaba is being too forgiving

[@catking1059]

For the second story: my birthday was earlier this month and my mom (who is incredibly supportive) shared an old post on FB that still had my birth name as the tag. It was a lovely message but I don’t share my birth name because then people stop using my name. I messaged her asking that she edit the post if possible. She apologized for her thoughtlessness, and told me not to apologize for the ask. Unfortunately she wasn’t able to edit the original post so she ended up changing the settings so that only the two of us can see it. If one of my less supportive family members did that, or I was a binary trans person, there would be hell to pay.

[@butters796]

Omg on the hurting each other thing my boyfriend and I jokingly argue over ALL THE TIME. He jokes that I abuse him because I'm constantly accidentally hitting and headbutting him. But the thing is it's usually because he started it by tickling me and I told him I'm not able to completely control my spasms/defense squirming/whatnot so I don't mean to headbutt him but I can't control how my body responses to that stimulation. So if he's going to insist on tickling me there is the risk because I try my best to not hurt him while playfully trying to get away, but I can't control some spasms. And he's so much stronger than me so sometimes when we wrestle I do accidentally use too much force trying to unpin myself because I don't know how much force to use because he overpowers me. And like he never hurts me he's always gentle but he can overpower me easily so I accidently hurt him sometimes trying to play as well and trying to get away So even though he's the stronger of us and usually the aggressor/instigator when we play around, I'm "the abuser" because he also winds up with the bumps and bruises because I'm bad at controlling my own body and using proper amount of force back 😅

[@airagorncharda]

for #1 - The thing about gifts, even from parents, is that (often) there is a finite aspect to them. The roommate who's parents gifted furniture for the apartment-- their parents will not now have furniture TO gift once that roommate is done with college and getting their own place. Instead of getting a gift from their parents to just be used by themself, they're potentially USING UP a gift from their parents which will then experience all the wear and tear of a college apartment. They're doing this because nobody else has come forward with other options, so they felt they had to compensate by bringing in furniture no one else was. They're absolutely wrong to ask for money after the fact (and the bit in the last paragraph was horrendous), but it's just important to know that "You got it free from your parents" does NOT mean there is no ultimate cost. Either the PARENTS are paying, or the gift may negate a future gift the parents would have been willing/able to gift at a more desired time. HOWEVER, if that is not factored in, the roommate getting the free furniture sounds like the only one NOT spending their own money (the others bought the brita, etc.) which makes the whole thing even weirder/worse.

[@charliebrown1184]

Congratulations on the EP Shaaba! I missed the live on Monday, but so glad I heard about it here!

[@PaniPunia]

Sure, they can have my room that I'm paying for. If you pay for my hotel for the two nights. You don't throw people out if their beds because you have guests. If this was a grandmother, or elderly person, it might be discussed, although I wouldn't be happy to vacate my space (where I keep all my things). Brother and his GF can sleep on the couch. It's two nights.

[@cherenkov_blue]

That roommate story also makes my blood boil, since the reverse of it happened to me! Basically, I made a roommate agreement with the other person in my college dorm that we would split cleaning 50/50. _That never happened. I always ended up doing all the cleaning and buying all the cleaning supplies._ The most he would ever do is move his pile of dirty laundry out of the way so I could clean the floor. Being more than a tad frustrated, I asked him if he could at least pay for cleaning supplies, to which he flatly refused. So... I stopped cleaning anything except the areas I personally used. That quickly changed his mind.

[@cole.j02]

I feel like the last one is a great example of "would this be okay in another context"? If you are renting from a landlord, they can't make you give up your space for a bit to let someone else stay there for free, if you are already contracted with that space for that time. OP is NTA because taking it out of the family context doesn't make it okay.

[@ellanina801]

On the first one… she’s not BUYING the furniture. Unless she is taking any of it with her when she moves out, she’s not responsible for paying to use it. They obviously are sharing stuff, so look whoopdie. Also there was no agreement ahead of time. Sounds like spoiled rich kids resentment.

[@featherxquill]

I feel like the partner who injured their spouse by accident should maybe consider humans as animals in that moment. Maybe think about how they would deal with injuring a pet. Like if I step on my cat’s tail, they screech and run away. My first instinct is to follow after and say sorry and give them a snuggle, but they rarely want that - actually in that moment they’re freaked out and maybe still in pain and probably full of adrenaline; going after them is only going to freak them out more. I know that my cats aren’t going to hold an accident against me - animals know when you have hurt them maliciously - but they need a minute to recover from the shock. People are the same, especially when something triggers our basest instincts. Maybe a useful way to frame it?

[@tracyleay]

I’m a Mom to 2 trans kids. I have a hidden folder on FB for my kids with pre-transition photos only they and I can access. I never post the photos, in fact for a long time it helped me not to look at them, prevented mistakes. They can post what they want but dead names and old photos never appear on my public page.

[@shnafnif]

You are a great mom here have a gold star ⭐

[@theophilepetit6223]

Why do I know I'll relate to this song just by reading the title ? By the way I'm the exact opposite of you : I'm very good with numbers (a little messy with dates, I know all of my friends' birthdays but since I never know the current date I always forget to tell them lol) but I'm soooo bad with words and expressing myself

[@KyChimerical]

I have lived with multiple people who do not have sorry in their vocabulary. The last time the hood of the car was put down onto my shoulder. No sorry was given I was just told they thought I was out of the way and it must be my fault for getting in the way. I think an actual heartfelt apology goes a long way but sadly so many people seem unable to offer them. I was once told by one of these people that you should never admit fault. I realized I was taught conflicting things growing up as one parent was the never admit fault and the other was all about responsibility for actions ie you say sorry. Saying sorry for the don't admit fault people to them is admitting fault. People can be confusing.

[@justlurkingat8]

If you're family enough to demand someone sleep on the counch because guests are coming over, don't take rent. If you're taking rent, then that is a tenant and you can't get mad when they refuse to sleep on the couch. Can't have it both ways

[@TransGuyShane]

Technically it's a Friday for me when watching this but damn this week has been mad, currently in hospital with pneumonia and chest infection, and have been evicted from my accommodation due to hospitalisation, you and your cheerful personality always put a smile on my fave ❤❤ so thank you ❤

[@animeartist888]

That's awful! Best wishes for your health and living situation both, dude.

[@TransGuyShane]

@@animeartist888 thank you ♡ Doctors said things are slowly getting better for my health so that's a plus , should be here like another week and then will hopefully have somewhere to go when I leave as the hospital are helping me figure all that out ♡

[@kierstenburtz8442]

Shaaba releasing her first single on my birthday??? Best birthday gift ever!!!!

[@karidru5272]

I would actually move if able from the housing situation because this is already established as a pattern of behavior. Not just the money, but being left out of the decision making process for the household, yet still being held to account for the outcomes of those decisions. When three people room together, someone tends to get cut out. It's super obvious that this time, it's OP. But also, the absolute gall of saying OP can't hang out in the common room! She's renting the space, not the furniture!

[@SebastianEatsCoats]

I'm a huge fan of you and Jamie :)

[@KacielNolwen]

The first story is giving me flahsback to the worst of my time with flatmates in college. Honestly people just need to communicate better. I lived with a rich flatmate (and I mean rich, went to private school for both primary and highschool, both parents were doctors and had freaking mansions) in college and she constantly did that kind of thing! 'Oh I bough this for x reason and now you need to pay for half of it' was a frequent thing and no matter how much I explained I couldn't afford it and she should have asked first she never got it. It didn't go well. Suffice to say we never talked again after she moved out.

[@stephk6577]

I just discovered you and your husband and you are both so FABULOUS!

[@starparodier91]

Loved the livestream! It’s still Monday for me! 💜

[@qtpaulie]

exactly! it was incredible! and i'm so happy that we got monday aita anyways :D

[@silverghostcat1924]

​@ville__what is your malfunction that you keep repeating other people's posts word for word and same emojis?

[@little_leaf_linden]

​probably a bot copying comments

[@silverghostcat1924]

@@little_leaf_linden Gotcha, but it's still annoying. It's like having a younger sibling following you around and repeating everything you do 🤣

[@silverghostcat1924]

@ville__ so you're purposely annoying like a two year old.

[@CCP_yb]

That one with the roommates who get things for the apartment without OP asking for them then demanding payment for said things reminds me of this story of an American woman who literally broke into people’s homes when they were out, cleaned the place up (did dishes, floors, tidying), and then left a note with her info and the bill for her services 🤣🤣 as far as I remember, she was repeatedly arrested for it, but still carried on doing it for some time. These roommates are like her but with apartment accessories lol

[@ClaireCaoimheRaeMoonshadow]

One of my younger two give up their room when fam visits, bunk together. They don’t pay rent right now, but it’s all to protect the inflatable bed from happy cat claws.