Drama Queens/Kings: Narcissists, Borderlines

Dramatic (cluster B) personality disorders are drama queens and kings.
Pandemic increases the need for drama (Lidija Rangelovska)
MOTIVES for DRAMATIC BEHAVIOR
Acting/distancing (Karpman Drama Triangle)
Self-esteem via reverting locus of control
Attention seeking: hero (gratitude), victim (pity)
Victim or rescuer mentality
Thrills, novelty-seeking, impulsivity
Provocation (projective identification)
Emotional blackmail
Staging, life as a novel or a movie (theatricality)
Manipulation via stress, brinkmanship
Distraction, decoy: shifting blame, diverting attention
 
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[@pamelamuench4900]

Dr. Vaknin, you are really so funny...puts a smile on my face as I listen to the sad subject matter of those who are cursed with the borderline and narcissistic disorders.

[@beckystucki8988]

Yes, puts a smile on my face because it gives me confirmation of what I'm experiencing from a narcissist, the 'why' is answered, and with the confirmation of what's going on I'm a little bit happier. I'm glad Sam is studied up to enlighten listeners.

[@pamelamuench4900]

@@beckystucki8988 Dr. Vaknin has a great sense of humor. And while it does make me smile, it is tragic that there are so many people who have fallen prey to the depravity of the soul of those who have fallen into the abyss of their selfishness.

[@Antinome82]

Thank you Sam Vaknin. This is pure gold and scarily accurate. I wish at some point you would do a more in depth video specifically about Histrionic Personality Disorder, it's particularities and relation to other PDs.

[@BetterOff735]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 LMAO. Intelligent, yet delivered with such humor..I Laughed out loud.

[@hashtagspandas4070]

Attention seeking behaviour to prevent people from leaving/ignoring you/let you spiral in wonder and chaos/desperation and then get a reaction: survival and relief 🥲 you’re back in the tribe, no danger. Next! Then the loop restarts. Acting out to get back in control/tell yourself you don’t need anybody: still survival and relief because you’re not powerless anymore and therefore psychologically not in danger any longer for the time being. Next! Then the loop restarts.

[@hashtagspandas4070]

For me personally the need for attention and power are interchangeable Edit: as in both just survival mechanism

[@hashtagspandas4070]

@@jenniferbrower what I described is basically extreme codependency and counterdependency. Are you counter dependent? Power? You don’t need anyone? Cause than I feel sorry for you since you actually have the most repressed need for connection on earth :P (Just making conversation)

[@hashtagspandas4070]

@@celladoor_uk thanks, according to those who look into these things - I’m not an expert myself - you can swing from codependency to counterdependency and vice versa quite often. It’s a sign of weak self. We probably all went through them.... in fact I’d like to know if it’s possible at all that a child/human skips one of these two phases ever. I don’t think it’s possible.. even for the pushing people away 🧐. Edit: I definitely did both even in my adulthood. Each time adults fight I’m sure there’s some of it in it - “you hear me, empaths?” (Quoting Dr. Vaknin for this last one)

[@janineplamondon8893]

Haha! The intro 💜 I really enjoy you Mr. Vaknin! Thank you for sharing! I am learning SO much, and I am incredibly grateful for the lessons 🙏

[@alismithrethinkingtrauma]

I have recently discovered your channel and working through the videos. Highly informative and thank you for not only helping me to gain a far deeper understanding of the many faces of narcissism but personally as someone who has always identified as being further on the " empathetic " spectrum this has certainly created many aha moments!

[@amandabulmer2158]

This made me laugh. I have an Ex friend who loved to create drama between people. He also told so many lies. That his behaviour was laughable. and so ridiculous . Poor man has lost all of his friends. No one wants to deal with him any more. To listen to his pity parties.

[@brendaplunkett8659]

Always wondered what the purpose of all the drama was. This was helpful.

[@tasmaniandevil7610]

And I always wondered what the drama queen thought when they were disowned?

[@AuggieX1]

Always curious-- do ‘they know’ what they are doing? Don’t they get tired of the ‘drama/chaos’ in their everyday life?

[@c.k.j1837]

Ingeniously enlivened.

[@mariacontos2715]

Thank you so much!!! Very helpful video indeed! God Bless you

[@tizianadicastri7151]

You funny 😂... "Soon I'll be talking to myself but that's okay "

[@Ami-dk9pl]

We all wish to be adopted by you, Sam! Happy New Year from Spain :)

[@auroralee6232]

Correction: L'Amore, unsurprisingly a common movie title, was directed by Rossellini and stars Anna Magnani, a supreme drama queen in the best sense of the term. This film is well worth your time!

[@callonthemidwife1874]

Thank you Sam.

[@mostthegames3723]

Fabulous! I have been a mega drama queen in my last relationship. The drama would show up when I perceived abandonment, or humiliation. He was also very dramatic (friends of his have complained to me of this). I remember him creating drama when I was not aware that I had done anything wrong. It almost seemed like he set up triangles at parties in order to show me who is boss, and to exploit my fear of abandonment.

[@beckystucki8988]

There you go, he throws in a few people and he's in control, some drama makes things go the way he wants too. Hopefully everything is OK for you after, or while in this relationship...

[@latyraRudolph50]

Yep a slick manipulation tactic

[@DawnLowery-or8se]

How can views be shrinking with the narcissistic epidemic blowing through our culture?

[@pearllight7481]

Eye opening lecture thx Sam

[@maw-zs1vr]

Run away from Drama Queens and Drama Kings. Fast! They are like vampires.

[@michelecensani9024]

Grandeee!!

[@alexandraw1775]

Genius

[@wachtraum9961]

I wouldn`t have thought that I would drink red wine with you this evening. Everything seems to be subjective in this simulation (as Kant and Schopenhauer said). The last straw was to be a Drama King today and I dressed myself extravagant, walked through the city of Berlin and bought the red wine. I was at the point to resign everything and my solution was to sort out most of my furniture, to have and be an open, empty space...my book idea is actually unique and nobody can doubt because I can proof the simulation we live in. The simulation exists for us ( consciousness) and all objects in time and space have no existence without us. If the subject is gone time and space is gone.

[@TobaccoPancake]

My bpd ex used to get drunk and do cocaine and blame me for not being there for just one day. She said she wanted me to go there where she was drinking and bring her home cause she didn't even wanna drink in the first place. I used to tell her thst I always loved her even If I didn't see her for one day. We broke up a couple days after. We used to drink and play cards on a sunny day and she she started venting against me and i called it quits. I guess my mental health could not tolerate the stress and drama anymore. I just took my stuff and left. Most beautiful girlfriend and also craziest one. Still healing in waves two months no contact, but sometimes I still wonder what she's doing even If I know it's better not to know.

[@anakonda1133]

How to manipulate a borderline?

[@misteredc1608]

Very informative Dr. Vaknin. Do you have a video explanation on the differences between Egosyntonic and egodystonic?

[@samvaknin]

Watch the vid on comfort zones, it is a close approximation.

[@judithfowler9150]

The world without Broadway is bad enough, don't take Vakcination away again. Self-state info has been so illuminating. I saw myself last May switch from childlike loving BPD woman, really caring, who when Narc gave no comfort, I left crying. By the time I dried my eyes nothing but ignoring him soothed me. For a year I chuckled and NC blocked his calls. What did I really want? Power? As BPD I wanted love and reassurance. As secondary psychopath I found blocking calls a sadistic pleasure. Your video on him restoring his grandiosity if I now answer keeps me from doing so. I engaged in same shenanigans for 26 years with a covert narc spouse and when I left I thought never again! In therapy I played victim. I'm reading V-spot and it is hard to believe many couples get vspot relief in that therapy but it sounds great. She tells them that's not a feeling, that's a defense. Have you thought of putting cold therapy in a vspot styled book?

[@ginarawashdeh1964]

Thank you so much for all your videos, they are very informative and helpful. i personally suffer with bpd. as a person suffering from identity disturbance, i find it extremely hard, almost impossible, to attempt to love and embrace myself, as i don’t know who i truly am or what exactly my personal beliefs and values are. Do you mind sharing advice on how to deal with identity disturbance and self worth issues? especially among borderline people. would mean a lot.

[@Bubble-hw5pm]

3:02 lol

[@sarajabal7917]

Well you did have multiple videos that are "anti-victim mentality" what did you expect ? 😁 most of the victims would absolutely hate you for it I think

[@samvaknin]

Hated not by real victims, but by professional victims, whose identity is their - real or self-imputed - victimhood, wearing it on their sleeves (aka "empaths": a particularly pernicious and revolting metastasis of covert narcissism).

[@sarajabal7917]

Yes I know, I'm a codependent victim and I absolutely agree with and appreciate your " anti-victim mentality" approach and it's exactly what I needed to hear to move forward, so thank you for that.

[@bk_8338]

Grandiose victim? Hmm sounds a lot like... AOC 😲