Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissism - with Dr. Frank Yeomans

An introductory lecture for Transference Focused Therapy, given by Dr. Frank Yeomans.
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[@startedfarting2336]

While I very much enjoy meme and cat videos, content such as this is the true treasure of KZbin. Knowledge is power, power to (hopefully) make this world better.

[@psyflix4325]

Thank you for this comment! We are trying our very best to make this world a better place by training therapists worldwide.

[@Sally150]

Just do EMDR, IFS or CDBT. Most people don't have the time or money for this kind of "therapy." "Talk" therapy is a waste of money. Ask Woody Allen.

[@michelekennedy6826]

"Just do" ahhhaaaa​@@Sally150

[@malexander2438]

What an incredible person! Patients with these conditions can be so challenging to deal with and yet he has so much emotional intelligence, patience, insight and empathy and explains things so well. Amazing video for healthcare professionals :)

[@psyflix4325]

Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to provide feedback!

[@deadprivacy]

if only those within psychiatry were so inclined to learn.

[@cecilialounissi5055]

Why are they hard to deal with ?

[@deadprivacy]

@@cecilialounissi5055 infuriating, near impossible, and dangerous to everyone they meet.

[@rudeboyjim2684]

@@cecilialounissi5055because they throw TVs at their husbands and have no awareness of their own role in things.

[@majidasbeity]

If I could give myself a precious gift, it would be a session with Dr. Frank yeomans ❤

[@psyflix4325]

He's a wonderful psychotherapist! Thank you for watching!

[@elsh332]

When i was in the full grips of BPD, my emotions WERE ME. They determined hpw i saw myself and others and the world around me. My emotions HAPPENED TO ME. My emotions were bogger than me and controlled me. Now, i have a healthy relationship with my emotions. They still feel bigger than they should at times, but i see how they are something i experience and can manage, rayher than being controlled by. I value my emotions and listen to them now but create space between myself and my emotions. Now, i know who i am and that my emotions are like the varying trees in my inner landscape of self. Or the colours.

[@1965simonfellows]

the most enjoyable thing about Yeomans is his very obvious humility. That screams volumes about him. Lovely, lovely.. Thankyou for posting.

[@dennisdejong6094]

Such a kind and nice doctor❤, truly compassionate and opening his knowledge and heart❤

[@wendi2819]

I've tried many types of therapy over 40 years and no one ever shared with me what diagnosis they assigned. I'm working with an EMDR, gestalist currently. I know I have early trauma. But not even that has been verbalized. All the therapist has said is i do not find mental illness in you, just alot of confusion. I keep trusting the process at any rate.

[@FlowerUruguay]

14:35 boom! That’s why I feel once I make peaces with my own aggression I’ll be better at dealing with conflict

[@user-my5jn8js4l]

The fact that he had a narcissist patient that described a traumatic experience to him, and he cried due to having an empathetic response toward the patient and the patient thought "You're mocking me". WOW. That is astounding. I feel so bad for Dr. Yeomans! I don't know about anyone else, but it feels bad when you have deep empathy for someone, and they reject it let alone tell you that your motives are not to be empathetic and you're doing something sinister. That is next level bizarre. They are so delusional. My father is like this, and it is maddening. It is like everything is precisely backwards of actual reality to them.

[@jasonscott7527]

I dunno considering most people today are toxic it doesn't seem like a far stretch to act like that.

[@christyrush-eb1xw]

My boyfriend’s daughter is like this. She’s BPD/NPD/HPD/APD spectrum. She assigns the worst possible interpretation for my actions, facial expressions, and loving gestures. She’s terribly needy and her inner world is tormented with anxiety and self punishing thoughts on the one hand and then after an appropriate supply she becomes grandiose, superior, bragging, and condescending. So, during her low self esteem cycle I build her up and when she’s feeling better she tears me down. It’s the most toxic behaviors I’ve ever witnessed. Oddly, the more negatively impacted I am by her abuse the more delight she seems to have. It’s the weirdest combination of personality disorders I’ve ever witnessed. Her father is convinced she’s the one harmed because she can cry and fain injury. During her incorrect accounting of her as the victim she gets his undivided attention and empathy. I get the venom of an overly protective father. Similar to the stories this doctor is recounting. The aggressor perceives themselves as the victim because their inner reality is tormented and perceives their external world incorrectly. It’s mind bending. I’ve never given more love, more care, more attention to any 9-15 year old person in my life. Including my own very well emotionally adjusted daughter. My healthy daughter didn’t hunger, crave for such attention. Cluster B personality disorders are a well that’s empty and desert that can’t be quenched.

[@deadprivacy]

i will hold my tongue , but know that we cant give a hoot cos of what your like.:)@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

@@deadprivacy You mean that I would be here to defend my label? Why? You can check D. Diamond. I go by her narrative (same team as F. Yeomans) and find the DSMV-TR check section II and III. And make sure you hold your tongue tighter because it is venimous.

[@deadprivacy]

@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye is it now? Funny how i said nothing vindictive whatsoever. You were slidng your manipulative hand up someones leg. I called you out, rather nicely considering... And i do well holding my tongue these days. Yours should orobably be removed for the good of all mankind. That the reaction you wanted? Thiught so.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I would like to see interviews of patients for whom transferance Forcused Therapy helped.

[@nga672]

Thank you - I just love growing new neural pathways.

[@kwatness]

As i listened to this very helpful talk, i saw connections between this model and IFS. Its just amazing how we manage to survive in rhevworld following traumatic experiences.

[@accordionSWE]

As a layman, and as a member from a dysfunctional family, I have always been intrigued by the contradictory behavior from people that suffer from NPD. What is the behavior I have seen? Most of the time it all takes place at parties or other social events that naturally makes people more relaxed and focused on leisure. The person with NPD is the odd person at the event because in some way the party is not about them or do not accommodate them according to some arbitrary norm that is not stated by the suffering person but should be known by everybody present. The person suffering from NPD is haughty, overbearing, stiff and putting wet blankets over everything and everyones experience. The person suffering from NPD both berates and humiliates other guests that naturally have their guard down until he or she reaches the guest that finally says no and instantly a scene breaks out. The rule is that the person that suffers from NPD denies it all and without any shame expects an apology from the person that protested. The person with NPD felt attacked and there were no awareness of the own behavior until he or she found the guest that said stop. It is like the position stated in the video, everything aggressive comes from the outside and inside there is no aggression to be identified.

[@sugarfree1894]

The bit about them feeling weird because it's not about them but, to their mind, should be, is spot on. Brilliant observation.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

Where was the victim at the time of the crime?

[@andrewsmith3257]

Yeah and BPD seems to be the inverse. Emotions come from the inside and are too strong. It seems like Narcissism wouldn't be so bad in comparison but who knows? Narcs can't really sustain happiness but some Borderlines are so miserable that they off themselves

[@jakelang2442]

​@@andrewsmith3257BPDers can turn into narcissists overtime without correct therapy or help of some form. I'd like to think narcissism is the mean older brother of BPD that protects but also torments his sister, bpd. I think narcissism is a natural survival mechanism bc ur right it's better to someone to be a narc than off themselves bc ur brain is simply the tryung to survive.

[@accordionSWE]

Thank you Psyflix for posting this lecture by Dr. Frank Yeomans.

[@psyflix4325]

Thank you for watching!

[@rhythmofheaven1489]

“Neutral” is what my personality disorder clients describe me as and tell me it’s helpful.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I am a vulnerable NPD. Do you do the same type of therapy?

[@rhythmofheaven1489]

@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye yes

[@ravingredpanda]

Thanks for putting this out there! Liking, sharing, commenting, subscribing, all that stuff, this needs a signal boost. :D

[@psyflix4325]

Much appreciated!

[@theboywithaflowertattoo]

I love Frank! He’s an absolute G when it comes to understanding and articulating Cluster B’s 🤙

[@tmrsfitz1967]

What a smart intelligent man ❤🎉

[@psyflix4325]

Dr. Yeomans is the absolute best!

[@Lamenade]

More from Frank Yeomans please !

[@psyflix4325]

The full episodes can be found on Psyflix, as well as a Masterclass 😌

[@catherinewilson1079]

Just discovered this channel. Dr Yeoman is an amazing person and analyst. Love to listen to him! Thank you ❣️

[@misssaiwasn6935]

I really wish this therapy works! It sounds so hopeful. I just fear, that as a therapist you almost all the time are NOT dealing with the patients themselves, but with the false self, the protector. This protector would never let you get through to the fractured self, for it would not only mean that what's left of the self would re-experience memories of unbearable pain and shame, but it would also mean death to the protector entity. I assume that the one who spoke to you from the mouth of your first patient ("you are mocking me"), wasn't your patient himself, it was his protector entity. It stands there - and remains standing there - between a fractured potential-of-a-self, and a world that is unbearable, unaccepting and unacceptable. I wish I was wrong.

[@enkelix]

15:12 the tv incident - as a possible candidate to a bpd diagnosis I can say that this generated me a mix of shameful and funny feels. Made me reflect on how primitive and childish some of my reactions have been throughout the years 😅

[@le_th_]

Thank god a child isn't strong enough to hurl a tv at anyone.

[@deadprivacy]

why? you been winding yours up ?@@le_th_

[@cameliaancacoca4013]

God bless the Masters of this planet! Thank you Mr. Yeomans

[@laurasusannalisaharleysantera]

And you are right about one thing which is Borderline being comorbid with Bipolar more often than people would think.

[@Sjpvid]

Wonderful, thank you

[@psyflix4325]

Thank you for watching! You can find the entire series on psyflix.net

[@fightswithspirits915]

I’ve been diagnosed BPD and all around cluster B. Tears came to my eyes just listening to your tearful experience. Only because it was in a general way. I’ve no empathy when faces with specific face to face interaction.

[@bearofverylittlebrain]

Are we thinking narcissistic disorder is an autism spectrum disorder? Also how does the therapist keep this kind of patient engaged in order to start to integrate? They often will blow up therapy at a key juncture. Loved coming across the doctors lecture at a key moment in my practice dealing with bpd/narcissist

[@cody_go_create]

I enjoyed how this was edited. 👏

[@user-tm1jm5lo5o]

These types of people are really dangerous and I usually run away from them all the time and ignore them to the most extent possible. Thanks for the information

[@Troy-ol5fk]

Learned a lot

[@funemployed468]

Thank you

[@psyflix4325]

You're welcome

[@Genius-Freedom]

Wow 👏

[@laurasusannalisaharleysantera]

Yes, i am 34 yo and i am at extremes in both love and hate. And because i am also histrionic i sometimes have periods of one week or two when my feelings are mild to totally muted.

[@user-tm1jm5lo5o]

Thanks this is eye opening because I deal every day with these types of people and most of them are from religion and faith and they have these kinds of blaming others for their not wanting to willingly serve God and want to condemn the whole world or the rest of society to their control and manipulation.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

It would have been nice if Dr. Yeomans explained what the attacks, contempt, rebellion on the part of the patient towards the therapist are about. They are typical of NPD.'s interactions with their therapist. Some people think that it's a way for the patien to create diversion as a means to avoid dealing with themselves, but it is not that.

[@laurasusannalisaharleysantera]

My life has became a hell after the state i am in criminalized cluster B. I simply cannot be myself. I am boiling and imploding inside because expressing my anger can get me some serious 30 years jailtime meaning life sentence. I have been warned about it by some cop. I want to express my anger. I can't hold it in anymore. And people think that i am harmless when they intentionally play on my triggers. Oh man, they better watch out. I am the type of person that does not fear death and can't stand humiliation.

[@kirstinstrand6292]

This channel/Frank Yeoman's is a star I was an analysand - if the analyst from the 1970s simply took the time to describe the process and to inform/educate me, instead of assuming that I could gain function through osmosis, the analysis might have thrived instead of dying. No doubt many analysands were illusional/delusional regarding their parental acceptance by community members. Flagrant abuse is obvious, but emotional neglect is covert and damaging. Therefore, neglected children inflate parental behavior and believe that their childhood was wonderful. (Try getting through illusion/delusion in psychoanalysis.) It's next to impossible unless this reality could be programmed into the working dynamic of treatment. PS. Is anyone aware of this reality? Are any professionals working to change this overwhelming resistance?? Someone in this podcast certainly is aware of these situations. I believe you could be growing the mental heath industry if you were to do a podcast on this topic for those of us who have life long neuroses.

[@milanic7267]

Hi. I am a bpd person and i am pretty confused. Have a question. Do you think that emotional stability can be achieved through psychotherapy or it just helps to deal with the symptoms? Is dbt the best? Thanks a lot.

[@lilalaunelove]

I have never been to DBT therapy since I never had the diagnosis, but i have been quite emotionally unstable and it took long hard work to grow out of it. If I could I would have gone to the therapy right away! I am very convinced Marsha Linehan has been in the borderline mindset, has very deep insight into it and her model of DBT is so helpful to get out of emotional dysregulation, since there is so much prove it helps and she experience all of it herself. It's surely not fun at times of course but i think it's worth to give it a try and stick to it! You can only win by trying it I guess, do feel your deep worthiness to go through that healing... Also a beautiful book on BPD is "The Buddha & the Borderline" by Kiera Van Gelder, although some short passages might be triggering - by any means, please do not hurt yourself, there is a better way and the pain will go away eventually. There is a lot of love even though we cannot see it in every state of mind, states of mind can change 🤍 Wishing you all the best and a healthy integration of everything in your life!

[@mustangjane77]

Learn DBT Therapy Skills. Dialectical Behavior Therapy designed by Marsha Linehan, PhD, ABPP. Many have weekly therapy and then attend a weekly DBT Group. It takes a long time to get good at it but well worth it if one will stay with it. Mindfulness. Distress Tolerance. Emotional Regulation. Interpersonal Effectiveness. Some self help sites on line but better if you can find and afford a group within attending distance.

[@ssing7113]

Love this man So is he saying this is only with BPD / NPD ? Wouldn’t this apply to histrionic and sociopath as well??

[@marvinsmith9039]

In other literature that I've read, TPF has been designed for all severe personality disorders.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

@@marvinsmith9039 What do you mean by 'severe'? Dangerous for others or for oneself?

[@OkalaborationO]

I'm curious to know if there are BPD patients that tend to internalize all of the negativity vs. those like the "mocking" patient that externalized them.

[@hopesouthstar4304]

11:54

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

I don't understand how agression come from not having the needs met. What about when you are treated with agression since little child?

[@bennybongosbigolebonanza894]

It’s likely a different issue?

[@bonitobonita9263]

Throw a tv lol. But I know that’s exactly how their brain works. They’d throw a tv into your face, but as soon as their anger is gone, they’d talk to you even very a friendly manner as if nothing happened. It’s completely normal to throw a tv for them. I hope the husband is now safe.

[@jimmy-jamesolivier-mccutch2126]

❤🎯

[@imago9059]

He should teach other therapists. Retraining.

[@jankucera8505]

ah yes the extreme paranoia associated with deep feelings

[@Chloeayoy]

why isn't the site in English ????

[@psyflix4325]

Hi Chloe, thank you for your comment! Here is the English website: psyflix.net/en

[@missanthroporeads8658]

…oh

[@tsreiki]

Honestly I'm amazed that someone with NPD was even in therapy.. I'd always been under the assumption that you'd never see a Narcissist in therapy as they just never see any wrong in themselves, they are perfect! 🙄

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

I wonder which profile you mean. Narcissists self-destruct in general. If you follow KZbin classes, you might call a narcissista person who might be a sociopathor psychopath. NPDs have flaws, may manage to hide them but their body speak for them (eczema). You should be able to feel the scared child throught the mask. Haughty people who see themselves as perfect are maybe the guy who discards (really a sociopaths) or ASPDs (which is really not well sorted out). Or some may be narcissists, now that I think of it. Those who are cold and haughty and manipulative are not NPDs. Anyway, there is no reason why we should expect a person to change. Absolutely none. Nor criticize them. People are what they are. Therapy can worsen things. Criticizing an NPD for not going to therapy, not sticking to therapy or not getting better is totally illegitimate especially knowing that none of you understand a damn thing, nor really tries to.

[@jaykay3839]

I have heard that they will, on the rare occasion, go to therapy not because they actually believe they are in the wrong but because they may either be court ordered into therapy or because they believe they can use it to manipulate someone. They never do it to improve themselves because as you so accurately said, they believe they are perfect.

[@tsreiki]

@@jaykay3839 exactly 💯.. I have seen narcs in my life do this, learn more ways to manipulate by learning psychological tactics..

[@BobTheSchipperke]

They seem to go only if they HAVE to. I'm guessing it's rare since "there is nothing wrong with them", but I'm not a doctor.

[@lorenzrosenthal119]

13:42 there can be also aggressive-loving feelings. Aggression is not necessarily something negative! It is Life-Force establishing facts!

[@sludgerat666]

Hmmm

[@absoluterefusal]

Marva says he sounds a little like Floyd the Barber. He does, doesn't he?

[@ISTPx5w6]

I very much appreciate you mentioning reverting to a somewhat fragmented state even if one has already developed the necessary level of complexity to be considered healthy; indeed I felt like I somewhat regressed following a prolonged period of cyberstalking by a man with category B personality disorders. The two dimensional perception that he has of people also rang true as opposed to perceiving people as multi faceted beings. Wow the BPD & NPD 35 year old make you treated sounds just like him: no partner, couldn't progress in his career, no close friends...Sorry but zero degrees of empathy - this man put me through hell & back. I think you made a pertinent point re appreciating the complexity of ourselves & one another; unfortunately when you're on the receiving end of severe category B disorders you're idealised then demonised, it's a very simplistic notion of the psyche that is operating underneath which is disturbing yet pitiful at the same time. I've often felt very lonely & isolated as a result of the stalking yet their state of alienation from others under that thin veneer of warmth must be a truly scary place if they develop a modicum of self introspection. I also liked how you talked about radical discontinuity in emotions indeed this is how I now feel after what I was put through as opposed to enjoying & experiencing a rich range of more nuanced emotions, albeit more subtle prior to when the stalking happened. I'm just thankful that I have a loving family, fiancé & friends which won't give up on me.

[@ChiDante]

"i hope i therapist never mocks a patient" - no, but a psycho(thatuses)loge will poke at and provoke to prove a point. Framing someone and guilt tripping into shaming them for having "feelings" . I mean how dare you cry and scream for being wounded (sarcasm)

[@JeffreyWilliams-dr7qe]

The Party Never ends! It's Just Great? All this makes me want to go to a bar or something. After many years away from all that.

[@laurasusannalisaharleysantera]

That is Borderline comorbid to Histrionic not narcissistic.

[@susannacasagrande6468]

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

[@user-gk5wo4ns1d]

I don't grasp how confronting your traumatic experiences and the ways you project those actually changes anything. People are poor at monitoring themselves. The people I know who have undergone 15+ years of analysis have invariably emerged with renewed and medically approved confidence that they "were right". No one changes.

[@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye]

A message of hope.