Living with BPD: Daily Struggles

[@dM_gH]

I don't think there *is* a word the feeling of emptiness. It's soul crushing. Edit: I think I should add that, y'all, there is hope. I'm in my 50s now. I was finaaly, officially diagnosed. I'm in therapy. I practice dialectical behavioral skills. I meditate, journal, garden, openly communicate with my husband without putting up walls, pet my cat all the time :)... anything I can do to bring a little peace into my life. I'm not great at utilizing any of the aforementioned tools all the time but now I *have* tools, wheras before, I went wherever the winds of BPD took me. Therapy has been the key for me. I still struggle with emotional regulation at times but I find much peace in areas of my life that I never could before. Big hug to all of us who struggle with this disorder.

[@katieswift1]

❤❤❤

[@jessicapatton2688]

I JUST said the same haha! It’s like being depressed to the soul level!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your strength shines through your words.

[@cherylthompson2731]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@youthurricane]

is like a grief that never goes away and you can't remember who you are missing so bad at the point of physically hurts

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

Absolutely

[@Kefir-fw2qf]

For me the feeling of emptiness is the worst part. I don't know how to explain it but it is something that i wish no human should be capable of experiencing it. It's just awful.

[@DrDanielFox]

I understand how tough it can be to feel that way. Remember, you're not alone in this.

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

It's an ache deep inside you. Somehow, it never leaves. However, there are days when pain is less. We live in HOPE. Sometimes that is all that is left.

[@Stopnormalizingviolence]

For me it's kind of like feeling deeply homesick with no home to go back to, even though I own my home and haven't ever been homeless. It's an ever present feeling which causes physical aching in my chest and I've had SVT and stress induced cardiomyopathy episodes from despair and anguish. It's a daily struggle to keep fighting against symptoms, but it's important to keep doing the best we can, even when it feels hopeless because things can always improve, but not if you give up.

[@DrDanielFox]

Your words are so powerful and resonant. Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty.

[@Stopnormalizingviolence]

@DrDanielFox Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.🙂 Thank you for making such helpful material and for sharing your passion and expertise in BPD to help lessen the confusion about this disorder and also for speaking up against BPD stigma. We appreciate you so much. 💯

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

I agree.....I've had physical pain. However, this pain is something else! It's excruciating, traumatic, and unbearable. We live daily with HOPE in our hearts!

[@leorevolt9865]

Cried by the end. My diagnosis was no lie. This is definitely me, and it really, really hurts to not overcome it. People judge us a lot.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m glad the video was helpful.

[@leorevolt9865]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you. I'm in a lot of pain and this helps. The day i watched this was the first day i did not have any suic1dal thoughts. Please continue to do what you do.

[@NateLovesPasta]

Thank you for providing so much content about BPD. You are changing the stigma!!!

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

Apart from Marsha, there is NOBODY as humble, understanding, and knowledgeable in this field. He is a rarity!

[@cherylthompson2731]

It is Hell everyday and yet it makes you appreciate life❤

[@badforgiven1]

Guess I'll have to ride it out, get up tomorrow to scream and shout. No one left to listen so alone I pace and pout. Rough waters pulling me under as I dissociate in the sanity drought. Capsized by a boatload of insecurities, inner hatred, fear and doubt. Borderline rage, do not engage, make up again just to lash out. Feeling ashamed and pathetic mixed with a self loathing verbal bout.

[@haroldlambert1991]

Please give yourself some "Self Compassion". Others also suffer from BPD and it is possible for therapy and treatments like CBT to help you address your issues. If you have been diagnosed with BPD there is a lot that is known and that can be done. SO there is HOPE and through the LOVE of others you can move forward in Gods MERCY 🙏

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Nice.

[@SuperflyTransguy]

Felt.

[@Ana77770]

My mother and older sisters treated me badly when I was young and also teenage age. As a 37 year old I now suffer with bpd....all my life it was tough

[@cherylthompson2731]

The missing piece of the puzzle is a healthy childhood😢

[@leorevolt9865]

Yes. I see that now. Damn... I was a good damn kid. I deserved a good life. Thank you for that comment.

[@GhostyMist]

A missing piece that will remain missing forever.

[@ericablaschke3497]

BPD and complex trauma attatchment trauma are very similar and share many of the same traits. It is a trauma disorder. The DSM is simply a list of symptoms

[@clairesweeney4334]

I heard somewhere that people diagnosed with BPD a lot of the times it’s really CPTSD that they have.

[@lettie1569]

It’s definitely having that feeling that something is missing… when you technically have everything you could have asked for. 😔

[@jahray6300]

Tormented is how i describe my inner state daily. Majority of the time, I dissociate enough to not feel anything but when I sit with myself and ask "how am I feeling right now?", the answer is always tormented.

[@jessicapatton2688]

It IS very painful!! I thought that everyone has soul depression, but, I guess not. I never feel real joy😢even when I’m laughing about something in a moment. And none of the antidepressants help me so it feels pretty helpless.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. It's important to seek help and support during such challenging moments.

[@jessicapatton2688]

@@DrDanielFox Once I get my insurance started I will do that! Thank you

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

We cling to HOPE like we depend upon it. Sometimes, it's all we have. Strive for the days when pain is less. It's tough when pain is prevalent. Diet helps me, and a decent sleep pattern. Easier said than done 😢

[@kellyely9113]

As someone with quiet BPD, there is a lot of emptiness and seemingly pointless experiences that shape the nothingness that is the future we envision. The past is lit up (because our hindsight is much clearer than foresight) and the future is dark, dim and unreadable, and in order to not be overwhelmed by crushing anxiety, it's easier to look at your feet as they step forward one foot at a time. It's exhausting, and it's extremely isolating if you choose not to share how you process with people, and if you do share, most of the time, you are dismissed as a potential partner and are either used or discarded. I choose to lead with honesty and wait to see if I am accepted or rejected, that way I don't lead myself into despair.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable. Your honesty is truly appreciated.

[@brybaby89]

The missing piece... I've been calling, "an internal phantom limb". Because, I can feel something flex (or when something 'should' be) but the action doesn't occur.

[@brahmanspleroma3792]

I also refered to as a phantom limb

[@selfloveisthekey]

Anguish. That's the word I use, it seems to best describe how I feel at those moments.

[@jamiesexton2522]

I cannot express enough how grateful I am to finding Dr. Fox's channel about 4 years ago now. I got into DBT and that really helped with surface structure issues, and then I did a few other things for comorbidities (e.g. EMDR, IFS, schema therapy, ERP.) I'm happy to say for the first time in my 45 years, I feel what I'd call stable and content. If people want to leave my life, that's up to them and doesn't reflect on me. I can accept criticism now without feeling toxic shame. I wish all of you out there struggling peace. Keep working through it - it took me 5 years to start feeling that way. Heal on your own timeline and don't let your loved ones make you feel you need to adhere to their timeline of healing. Ya'll got this!

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you. Please be well.

[@zentzu4003]

the feeling in the stomach, I often get this intense urge to go jump in my car and find that person and beg them i’m not diagnosed with BPD yet as I have no money but I can relate to this alot I feel constantly confused I have memories of times I hated, but when I think of those times I miss them and get a warm happy feeling So I as you can imagine when I’m trying to self-improve I’m thinking about creating an identity of who I am going to become I often use my memories to help me, but my memories are literally all wrong, the feeling I associate with them… It’s like my own mind is against me and purposely confusing me and tbh I feel this sense of my mind having it’s own separate consciousness, and it is not a nice ‘being’ when I was younger I had an experience where I started getting voices and hallucinations which I thought at the time was God, when I finally realised they were not God, that voice in my head slowly shifted into my mothers and fathers voice and eventually into a complete separate voice that is extremely negative and looks down and judges me i also remember when i was younger all i ever felt like i wanted was a hug and that feeling has always been there, but the hug isn’t from a friend it’s from a close romantic partner

[@Tawroset]

You know, even if you don't have lots of money, there are clinics for mental health where they only charge whatever you can afford to pay. You deserve to be helpef. Hugs

[@ShellyAMiller-j7h]

Dr. Fox You have been a blessing. I was diagnosed years ago with never a explanation of what it was or what I could do other then medication. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@DrDanielFox]

Wow, thank you

[@Capthowdy098]

I was diagnosed Eccentric Personality Disorder because I abandoned therapy when BPD was going to be the targeted treatment option prior to a formal diagnosis. I was serving in the military at the time, trying to avoid anything that could be considered "bad" on my spotless record. Emptiness is the dominant force in my life. I refer to myself often as "the little wooden boy." I do not fear abandonedment but crave solitude. Being alone makes me think I can't hurt anyone with the things I lack. I see a stranger in the mirror even though I know it's me. The question "Tell me who you are?" Makes my brain hurt because i lack the ability to answer, it's a nonsense question to me.

[@leorevolt9865]

So many comments like yours are making me cry a lot. In a way i'm happy there are actually others out there who do understand. I get it, friend. It feels like i'm living a life that's not mine to live. It's like a deep, deep nostalgia that lasts forever and you can never find what it is that makes you nostalgic. For most, it was a peaceful childhood.

[@karinabellino6095]

Thank you sooo much for posting these easily digestible videos and for your workbook. Your practical steps to try keep giving hope. It helps so much to feel seen and understood without judgement and be able to share these with my family, and get a head start on therapy while I’m on the waitlist.

[@mamaurku]

Classy, elegant, honest book sales promotion. A notch above! Love all your videos, Dr. Fox. Thanks.

[@delll372]

gorgeous background and professional cinematography!

[@AdelePeters-e9o]

The oxymoron here is that feeling everything too much is a curse and a blessing. Bittersweet. I've learned so much more about myself, life, and people through pain, more so than through happiness. I try to ride out the storm and hope to see the sun rise. HOPE! I always wondered at age 5 why I felt emotions so strongly, why life was heavy to me. I always felt different....I was so sensitive and couldn't understand why! I'm glad I feel intensely because it makes me absorb music, I take in the sun that shines through the trees in a forest, the smell of the ocean, nature, mountains, (songs) which is my love and has seen me through traumatic times from a child when I was too young to identify my emotions and why. To everyone suffering this deeply misunderstood illness/disorder, I'm sending HOPE and love. Hugs 🫂 🎶🎵🎼🎷🎸🥁🎹

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks for sharing!

[@vsingh8078]

This fear of abandonment makes them abandon you. A person with bpd can do to you what they themselves fear most.

[@DrDanielFox]

It can be the self fulfilling prophecy in many cases when BPD is in control.

[@Rob_132]

I think we are trying to abandon ourselves. Or avenge ourselves of some internal abandonment that is hurting us. Or punishing the wrong people instead of the ones who emotionally abused OR neglected us or actually abandoned us. Because the one(s) who abandoned us are already gone and they left us with their dysfunction. It’s like I was poisoned and lost a piece of goodness in me-permanently.

[@Mme2985]

Great video! Thank you Dr Fox

[@whatsayyounowsunshower]

You’re in my head right now as I am watching this. This is & has been my whole life. It’s totally debilitating in every sense, in every aspect of existing cos it’s not living.

[@JacquelineCarter-e4j]

To me it feels like I have a huge hole in my core, like there’s an important puzzle piece missing

[@DrDanielFox]

I understand how you feel. It's tough when you sense that something crucial is missing.

[@SASKHIAMENENDEZ01]

thnx dr fox,

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re very welcome

[@suixXxide]

Hi Dr. Fox! I've been following your channel ever since I got my diagnosis some 3 years ago (turning 37 this year) and think you are the best channel with consistent valuable information and tips surrounding BPD. For that I am extremely thankful. Super random question maybe but it would be very interesting hearing your opinion and/or if you'd even find some valuable points which could benefit your channel/subscribers: I published a song I made yesterday on my channel called "Borderline Personality Disorder" which I wrote and finished within an hour or so which normally never happen. The lyrics and everything just poured out of me effortlessly and after my years of struggling in life and not making anything creative at ALL I am finally back on a genuinely professional superstar level of creativity and most of the releases also in quality. Exception for the BPD song as I wanted to keep it raw, authentic and true to the emotions and actual essence of what BPD overall does. (I have the silent one btw) I know what one might think when seeing my question and all though it's a shame questions like this get's frown upon and immodestly taken as if it's a robbery, snake oil or exploit in any other way. I assure you that with my 11 subscribers I'm far far away from earning any cash and I hardly ever promote my stuff because no one gives a damn anyway and because it feels dirty (despite wanting to give to those who would like) but this specific case is different as I am genuinely curious of your thoughts and better yet if it would actually help others which in hind sight would be the songs 2nd positive thing besides being cathartic for myself. Thanks for everything you'd done for the community and what ever you think or do with it I want you to know I am completely okay and respect it either way. Thank you for your time. / Jonas

[@DrDanielFox]

You’re welcome. I’m so glad you found the video helpful. Be well.

[@suixXxide]

@@DrDanielFox I understand. Thank you for being so sweet not only in your massive work you do but actually reading and responding. Really respect that. It's so clear to see how passionate and caring you are about our many daily struggles with BPD! =')

[@feelingsubconscious3040]

For me, it is a nice welcome, sometimes. Feeling nothing is a repreive from the torments of my thoughts and feelings. I can think without my emotions running the show. I often think this is the time to make hard decisions and put into action, before i start hearing my heart and having big emotions again. My heart speaks so loudly, while my brain never stops. I have never actually done it, because i think my heart will be incredibly sad once it can feel again. There is always next time..

[@DrDanielFox]

It's important to take some time to step back and think things through. Emotions can sometimes cloud our judgment.

[@bobohobo7652]

Thank you

[@lucywhitaker407]

Hello 🏥 Doctor Fox 🦊 I can really relate to this and I understand it. I have been diagnosed with BPD in 2010 I've been trying My best to live My life and deal and manage it as best as I can. Xxxx

[@patriciagss2024]

You described me

[@melodiejohnston9528]

Thank you.

[@DrDanielFox]

You're welcome!

[@melodiejohnston9528]

@@DrDanielFox Where are you located, please?

[@Dupreee360]

Hello dr. Daniel.

[@summerallthetime2616]

I’m diagnosed BDP but don’t feel these things

[@dudeismydog]

What are you supposed to do when you lose happiness and joy in life? As a veteran it’s especially hard. It’s like you work so hard to make deposits and investments in life but you get zero return. You start to just ask, what’s the point in even trying if I’ll never get anything back

[@Rob_132]

Man, I hear you. Thank you for your service. I’m not a vet but am proud of my relatives who served. I think we just look inside ourselves and do the smallest thing possible in that moment to bring ourselves joy. I potted six new plants today. I get to watch them grow. I cut the grass and it looks so good. I pet my dog and I love her sweet eyes. Sometimes I feel no joy or connection to anyone and I get agitated. But sometimes I feel happy and content. I hope you find happiness and contentment today. (Aside: Have you heard of C-PTSD? It’s like BPD. Just wondering since you are a vet.)

[@miagloom8080]

Thank you Dr.! I have a question on a certain topic. I would like to know if "amnesia" is a bpd thing or does not everyone with bpd have a lot of memories missing? I can't remember most of my childhood and teenage years. But I also keep forgetting most of the events in my life which happened not so long ago. It feels like not having existed. When I tried to talk about that with my therapists they didn't really know what to say or just explained that it's normal to have memory loss due to trauma. But why do I lose memories from a couple of years ago and also positive ones (for example when my cousin asks me if I remember when we were on vacation with her daugther and had a lot of fun... I remember a few things that we did but mix up the memories from other times we spend together.) It makes me sad that I can't just recall most of the good times because that also means that I can't recall good feelings. It also feels very lonely when you can't share a lot of memories with them, when they talk about shared experiences. I have to live in the moment and it feels very lonely most of the time. Maybe the feeling of emptiness is the result of that amnesia? It's also very creepy when a friend from teenage years tells me stories abou what I did back then or who I was... Those memories are completely gone. It's like listening him talk about a stranger. Does anyone with BPD experience this too?

[@Stopnormalizingviolence]

Yes, I resonate with this so much. It sounds like you've been dissociating a lot. Dissociative disorders and symptoms of dissociative amnesia are pretty common with people with BPD who've experienced a lot of trauma. I have this comorbidity and more. Confusing things like that and other strange events kept happening that scared me and made me think I had early dementia (which is now ruled out). Looking back, it all makes sense. It feels like I've gone through much of my life dissociated to varying degrees. People said I said or did things that aren't characteristic of me and I have no memory of used to really upset me a lot, and it's happened since I was a child. If my best friend brings up happy memories with me and my children when they were young it makes me so sad I don't remember when I really should, but I was offline and functioning on autopilot, not fully mentally present. I hope Dr. Fox will make another a video about BPD and dissociation.

[@yuli4ka.w]

That doubt, doubting your worth and value to the world, doubting you'll ever feel belonging.. it's a dread and point of misery like no other. Proffesionals that dont have a comprehensive understanding of bpd totatlly miss the mark on how to help you handle that on a daily basis.

[@alphadog3384]

Where does feelings ignored fall into the placement of BPD?

[@laural1784]

I think im borderline. But i don't feel the emptiness. Drs just misdisgnosed me the whole time. Now I'm older and very I'll and it seems it's too late to get any help.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your experience. It's important to discuss these feelings, and your courage to speak up can help others in similar situations. Remember, there’s always a chance to find the right support.

[@darkskill72]

They are right, despair doesn't quite do it justice, it's so much more. It isn't just despair it's this extreme self hate, this overwhelming anger and doubt. It's like my entire body feels so tense it is painful. My chest aches and it feels like I cannot breathe. I hate it, I hate me, I hate that I have these feelings, that my emotions that are so out of control. The family in my head is screaming, nagging, laughing. You're worthless, hopeless, ugly, fat, pathetic, no one wants you. no one cares. I try to push it back down I try to keep it inside. If I show it, it will hurt others and they will leave. They will leave and I will be alone, I don't want to be alone. So i push it down, push it down, push it down, then it explodes. Those emotions I cannot put into words, however when it is over I lockdown. Locking down is when the fear of being abandoned becomes so intense that you completely shut yourself off from others. Delete discords, friend groups, texts, pictures, telephone numbers, etc. I would like to ask if anyone else who might read this suffers from what I refer to as locking down.

[@astriddelis6101]

How do we deal with the urgency feeling to beg FP for their love, attention, etc??

[@DrDanielFox]

I have videos on dependency you may find helpful.

[@mdb22464]

I wish all these people who comment would get to therapy because they don't think about the people they have hurt because they have this and confuse others who don't understand it. Get his workbook, get a therapist instead of staying in your emptiness. Do something! The un warranted anger you spit out on others is not cool. At all!

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

BPD: Not as bad as a psychotic, but worse than a neurotic.

[@n0b0d1-rc6dz]

At least the psychotic isn’t lonely and has voices to talk to.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

@@n0b0d1-rc6dz Schizophrenic.

[@sneha.capri_46789]

Dr Fox , I have cluster b personality running through my blood line , I believe I have bpd or vulnerable narcissism. Should I consider having children?

[@enough1494]

No, wait for years to unstable in the planet now!

[@mamaurku]

I think this is an excellent question. It was a huge mistake for me to bring a child into my strong Cluster-B extended family system nearly 50 years ago. My son still suffers today from suicidal thoughts and an unhappy series of marriages. I did not have the capacity to parent him decently, and the rest of my family's toxic behaviors toward him and each other just rubbed salt in his wounds as well as mine. I was blind at the time that I was not capable of raising a happy child. I forgive myself now, but how I wish I understood my limitations before I got pregnant.

[@judyh3707]

My point of view is that I would be doing my children a disservice if I put them through a life where they must deal with an emotionally unstable parent who doesn't have good coping skills. How could I teach my child how to deal with and talk to people when I can't myself? Raising kids is hard enough when your life is great, and there is no bailout if you find its too hard after all. A lot of the children and adolescents I've worked with come from households where other family members have mental health problems, and I often see parents who are clearly causing severe behavioral issues in kids because of, essentially, their own inability to be a responsible and loving parent. The genetical component is surely important, but the way that they treat and talk to their children is important too. Once my BPD was well managed I realized I didn't want kids at all and it was fortunate I didn't make a rash decision because it would have made it impossible to focus on my mental health.

[@celestialstar124]

As a daughter of a bpd dad, i will recommend you not to have children. It's too painful that i actually commit suicide multiple times. The most serious attempt is 2 weeks coma after i ate 120 tablets of paracetamol. Dad just has a bdp rage almost a month ago and he is still finding trouble with mum and me daily. Such rage can last weeks to even months. I know if i leave this house my parents will both die but i really don't know how much longer i can grab on this toxic family.

[@celestialstar124]

My ex told me he won't want to have children with me because of my dad bpd may pass on to my future kids. He left me after 9 years to marry someone else because he said he rather have a normal marriage with a normal family. He said my parents are too messy and unless i abandoned my parents and move out of my country else he have to end the relationship right away. Of course he said very opposite stuff when he woo me and i dare not accept the relationship because of fear due to my own toxic family. He did alot of things like being there for me as a friend for 3 years before i dare start a romantic relationship with him. He promised to love me forever and never abandon me etc. Sadly i was dumb to trust anyone who make such promises that they can never fulfill.

[@smendoza7233]

You’re amazing but I don’t think I can be helped at the point ..too far gone

[@DrDanielFox]

I appreciate your kind words, but don't give up on yourself just yet. There's always a way to turn things around.

[@iasked-cl8mz]

:( Wellsaid...

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@jcimsn8464]

The pain is all ours. Their behavior is abhorrent.

[@DrDanielFox]

I know to can be tough but boundaries are key.