10 Struggles of Being the Borderline's Favourite Person

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Lise Leblanc

Lise Leblanc

Күн бұрын

In this video I talk about the struggles of being a person with BPD's Favourite person. A Favourite person is someone that the person with BPD depends on as a source of comfort, support, stabilization, and often a source of constant validation and reassurance. This can be a huge amount of pressure and can quickly become overwhelming and suffocating. It can induce feelings of failure, guilt, and fearguilt especially if you have to end the relationship to save your sanity. I
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About Lise Leblanc
Lise Leblanc is a Therapist, Life Coach, and Author with over 20 years of experience in therapeutic, educational, and leadership roles.
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DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT. All content is for general information purposes only and does not replace a mental health care of consultation with a health professional.
If you have thoughts about harming yourself, get help right away by taking one of these actions:
Call 911 or your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) In Canada: 1.833.456.4566
Call your mental health provider, doctor or other health care provider.
Reach out to a loved one, trusted friend.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR MENTAL HEALTH CARE.
Introduction (0:00)
What is an FP? (0:38)
1: Relied on Heavily (1:32)
2: Obsession (2:20)
3: Fear of Abandonment (3:16)
4: No-Win Situations (4:17)
5: Extreme Jealousy (6:02)
6: Splitting (6:28)
7: Guilt (8:24)
8: Resentment (10:03)
9: Fear (11:10)
10: Discard (12:05)
#borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #personalitydisorder

Пікірлер: 897
@quentinadkins432
@quentinadkins432 Жыл бұрын
"As a favourite person you may start to feel resentment as a lot of your time and energy is spent on stabilizing" wow !
@Yarblocosifilitico
@Yarblocosifilitico Жыл бұрын
Indeed. I hate that feeling, it's an endless loop of feeling guilty about feeling guilty
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
​@@Yarblocosifilitico what is there to feel guilty about as a FP?
@Yarblocosifilitico
@Yarblocosifilitico Жыл бұрын
@@tflowe3288 read the OP
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
@Yarbloco I mean, actions deserve reactions. Just like them, it's up to you to decide what to do and say. I can resent their actions but not hate someone and hold a grudge at the same time
@Yarblocosifilitico
@Yarblocosifilitico Жыл бұрын
@@tflowe3288 huh? Who said anything about hating the person with BPD? All the OP and I said is that being a FP drains a lot of your energy and tests your boundaries a lot, so it can be tough to manage.
@ohio7738
@ohio7738 Жыл бұрын
As a person with BPD, we don't Choose the FP. It happens on a subconscious level.
@kimrose80
@kimrose80 Жыл бұрын
Or someone who has been heavily complimenting or validating us..
@lauren4933
@lauren4933 Жыл бұрын
Right
@whitedom2041
@whitedom2041 Жыл бұрын
my fp is a boy literally turned me gay lool
@Nildaem
@Nildaem Жыл бұрын
@@whitedom2041 whoa, thats a whole side i never even thought about, i'm glad you lool'd
@rw4754
@rw4754 Жыл бұрын
FPs are usually very empathetic, patient, caring & forgiving. Often FPs were parentified by a BPD parent, and put others ahead of themselves & just suck it up. These qualities get used against FP's - they feel wretched & helpless as they get torn apart.
@PaulFisherMedia
@PaulFisherMedia 9 ай бұрын
CAN’T WIN. Avoiding telling them about anything that made you happy that day because they will find the negative and obsess and focus on it and ruin any chance that you aren’t living a stressful life
@katieb4893
@katieb4893 Жыл бұрын
Being a FP is really exhausting and at the end of the day, toxic in my experiences
@CaitlinWoodstock
@CaitlinWoodstock 11 ай бұрын
Agreed. It happened to me once and I’ll never again allow it.
@CaitlinWoodstock
@CaitlinWoodstock 10 ай бұрын
@@mws12345 maybe... but I trust that I learn from my past relational dynamics and I am a firm believer that luck favors the prepared. By understanding my needs/boundaries and by continuing to educate myself on BPD, trauma responses, insecure attachment, etc., I am very confident that "luck" will be on my side. Thank you for the feedback. It is heard and appreciated.
@shawncc89
@shawncc89 7 ай бұрын
Giving up sure is easy
@GoWithDaFlowMo
@GoWithDaFlowMo 4 ай бұрын
Agreed... I'm a very loving and patient person, but I just couldn't do it anymore after a year and a half... I was completely drained close to a burnout and lost so much of myself... I have sympathy for everyone with bpd, but never ever again am I gonna let it get this far, you're right it is toxic, for both I believe..... 😢
@sean68W1
@sean68W1 4 ай бұрын
@@shawncc89 little untrue don’t you think. Their behaviors can be literally abuse. ‘Giving up’, or some people would call it not allowing someone to abuse you, isn’t easy
@tanrekki
@tanrekki 7 ай бұрын
As a person who probably has BPD, what might work in some cases is to stand your ground and repeatedly remind the BPD person that you're not responsible for their emotional turmoil. They will get angry and suffer, but they probably won't leave you because you're the most important thing in the world to them. At some point they might realize that you're right. At least that's what happened with me and my past favourite person. He was immune to my attacks and helped me understand that I was blaming him for my own emotions. But for that to work, the person has to be open to change and become better. The most important thing is that they get professional help. If they're not willing to, don't waste your energy on them
@airthrowDBT
@airthrowDBT 2 ай бұрын
Doesn't work. My BPD literally Doesn't agree and blames me for every negative emotion she has (that she makes up in her head), no amount of "your happiness has to come from you, I cannot regulate your emotions for you' will ever sink in. Worst choice I ever made ib my life.
@joeshmoe12301230
@joeshmoe12301230 2 ай бұрын
@@airthrowDBTthe only thing that works is getting away from them. 25 years and three kids later I figured it out. I can’t believe I never realized she had BPD. It was a “can’t see the forest through the trees scenario”. Being young (I was 16 and she was 14 when we met) surely didn’t help. I was so stupidly in love that I couldn’t see how badly manipulated I had been until I finally left her after years of her cheating and addiction and rehab…. And more cheating Luckily I’m happily remarried and I have all three of my kids 100% of the time. It just sucks that my kids lost the mother they thought they knew
@lukeunderwood1437
@lukeunderwood1437 3 ай бұрын
My wife has bpd. This is spot on. We are getting help and working through this, but I/we carry a lot of scars and so much pain from the last 10 years. Most family and friends in our circle don’t understand the things we have been through. I have felt very alone and absolutely trapped. A prisoner of my own home. It’s so hard to watch her suffer too because when she’s her “lucid self” she hates this part of her as much as I do. She’s a beautiful person who struggles with “demons” 😢 It took 6 years of marriage before we got help and we finally had a few answers.
@tylerelstrom
@tylerelstrom 12 күн бұрын
Wow you sound like such a loyal and patient spouse. I hope you have a big support system as you both navigate this together.
@lukeunderwood1437
@lukeunderwood1437 5 күн бұрын
@@tylerelstrom thank you so much!
@LurkingCrassZero
@LurkingCrassZero 4 ай бұрын
I had a friend of 3 years with BPD. Never EVER again. I have sympathy for those that have this condition, but for the sake of my own mental health I will never go near someone with BPD again.
@saintjabroni
@saintjabroni 4 ай бұрын
👏🏼🙌🏼🤙🏼
@resurrectthenight
@resurrectthenight 10 күн бұрын
Next time Im interested in someone's friendship I swear I will ask for a full diagnosis. I just want to build eachother up, not be someone else's entire support
@MW-wc5rp
@MW-wc5rp 10 ай бұрын
I'm a favorite and this was spot on. I love her with all my heart. It hurts me so bad when she says the hurtful things to me. She became violent and scared me to the point of leaving. I am miserable without her and miserable most of the time with her. My love for her cannot be put into words. She said she has done alot work,made promises but the signs are still there. I am so conflicted and want to be with her. I AM SCARED and my heart is breaking.
@marinaton
@marinaton 8 ай бұрын
Get therapy for yourself. There is nothing you can do about her behavior, but therapy will help you understand where your extreme emotional dependency on her comes from. Love doesn't make anyone stay in destructive relationships. People can love someone and still walk away from them if the person is destructive, but if you are emotionally dependent on her because you have your own unresolved wounds then you need to heal yourself first before you become capable of making decisions as far as the relationship goes.
@flynnryder7798
@flynnryder7798 8 ай бұрын
I’m going through the same thing. You have to let her go.
@Knowledgeispower276
@Knowledgeispower276 7 ай бұрын
You’re trauma bonded. You need counseling.
@user-em6qe4hn9p
@user-em6qe4hn9p 7 ай бұрын
i find myself at 68 in the same predictament.....
@MW-wc5rp
@MW-wc5rp 7 ай бұрын
@@marinaton Yes. I was told that in so many words from a therapist, I'm afraid to face the truth of what might be my underlying issues .
@rachael4984
@rachael4984 Жыл бұрын
I want to be in a loving relationship so bad, but I feel like its for the best if I don't. The fear of abandonment and jealousy hurts to an indescribable level. I don't want to have to put someone in this situation either, it sounds terrible. I feel horrible for how I treated my ex sometimes because of this disorder. Seeing people on the internet talk about bpd makes you feel quite hated too. This life sucks.
@PCLHH
@PCLHH Жыл бұрын
Yeah... we aren't bad people, we just desperately need all the love in the world, but it wouldn't be enough 😢
@rina99910
@rina99910 Жыл бұрын
Rachael, you’re not alone, I feel the exact same way.
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
​@TheVaultdweller who is the judge of that though? If you ask the FP, usually the BPD person is a terrible person because of their actions. Only children can't take responsibility for what they do, no excuses! Is a child molester a bad person? They can't help it, it's a issue in the brain(personality). If you can't treat others how you want to be treated, then you don't deserve to have a person give you any more of themselves than you are willing to not be a person who does BPD things
@hanarielgodlike9283
@hanarielgodlike9283 Жыл бұрын
​@@tflowe3288 As an Ex-FP I Can say... i Dont think of her as a bad person. Also why Children can't take responsability? Its not because their small bodies... Its because their brain is not equiped to deal with it. We could say the same of a BPD having an episode. If they could control, they would... and i think you can't take responsability for what you can't control.
@hanarielgodlike9283
@hanarielgodlike9283 Жыл бұрын
@@tflowe3288 Also... stop equating BPD with child molesters... that was awful.
@chloerickson4940
@chloerickson4940 Жыл бұрын
When we’re replaced by another FP, that's also very painful. While people with BPD have a favorite person, the FP can see their borderline friend as their closest companion too
@sarahwagland1559
@sarahwagland1559 Жыл бұрын
I can't wait to be replaced by another FP. If you like being abused you also have issues which need to be addressed.
@justinjefferson6884
@justinjefferson6884 Жыл бұрын
@@sarahwagland1559 Not all people with BPD are abusive. I have known several (like five or so) people with BPD, and only two of them were really bad. It sounds like you're going through it, though. Hope your situation improves soon.
@CaitlinWoodstock
@CaitlinWoodstock 11 ай бұрын
Blocking and cutting off the BPD after they have done the splitting and replaced is an excellent intervention to prevent feeling abandoned, rejected, thrown away, etc.
@heyarnold5576
@heyarnold5576 8 ай бұрын
@@justinjefferson6884were the two people ones you were close with while the others were not close to you?
@justinjefferson6884
@justinjefferson6884 8 ай бұрын
@@heyarnold5576 I lived with three of the five I mentioned. I was close to one that was not abusive, but was still an obviously very damaged and dysfunctional person, though not a malicious one.
@JakeraxForever
@JakeraxForever Жыл бұрын
This is all so true. I admit that I've made people very uncomfortable, and I wish I wasn't like this
@marjol3in
@marjol3in 3 күн бұрын
Same for me. I have BPD and autism
@savannahprentiss8986
@savannahprentiss8986 Жыл бұрын
this is the most validating content i have found on one of the most confusing challenging relationships i’ve ever had. thank you so much. i experienced this exact thing and no one, including me seemed to understand how much i was holding together ❤
@userresus
@userresus 10 ай бұрын
Confusing and challenging are the best words to describe this relationships
@saintjabroni
@saintjabroni 5 ай бұрын
@@userresusThose C words though.
@angelos0heaven
@angelos0heaven 2 ай бұрын
Same! I am crying! Did anyone figure out how to deal with this situation?
@sds6303
@sds6303 8 ай бұрын
The irony is that they don’t want people to leave them & yet they display behaviors that push others away. I always explained to my (undiagnosed) BPD ex that if she treats me in a way that makes me want to stay, then I will. I always told her that if she treats me with kindness & respect at all times, get the help she needs, then I’ll stay.
@sunbeam9222
@sunbeam9222 7 ай бұрын
That's like saying to her, if you cut yourself into parts and leave your issues at the door I will stay. I'm sure she'd love to take you up on that offer, but obviously healing is a process. You meet her with baggage ( probably not visible at the time but now you know) . It's not realistic to ask her to unload. I'm not blaming you, you don't want to be treated like crap, but I don't think we realise, when we do that sometimes that we are litteraly asking someone to be someone else. Her issues/ acting at, at present, are part of her identity. You might think it's personal, so she can alter her behaviour towards you, because it feels very personal to you but it's her persona. With someone else it would be the same.
@MichelleHugli
@MichelleHugli 7 ай бұрын
It’s a very sad cycle. I had that same conversation for years. Someone who refuses to recognize they have a problem will never get help. I was getting counselling help for myself and finally after years of requesting (and being denied) basic kindness and respect, I felt free to leave and move on knowing I had given every possible opportunity to my ex-partner to work on their issues. Best of luck in future relationships, my friend, I know in time the experience allowed me to recognize what a healthy relationship looks like
@amberfuchs398
@amberfuchs398 5 ай бұрын
Yeah, they cross boundaries all the time and then wonder why people go no contact with them. It's bc they're untrustworthy people that choose dehumanizing behaviors towards others on the regular. If they changed their behaviors they might build the connection they seek.
@IvoryLeviathan
@IvoryLeviathan 3 ай бұрын
@@amberfuchs398this.
@zoorenard1101
@zoorenard1101 Жыл бұрын
This video makes me realize I should be even more socialy distant than I ever was. Would be nice if someone explained once how we feel or love. I always feel like they describe us as shallow excessive annoying over the top stalker... we dont always drop the weight of the world on somebody else shoulders.... sometimes we keep it to ourself and are just dying inside
@ludovickwagala6210
@ludovickwagala6210 Жыл бұрын
For sure it's hard... Me am now trying to avoid my favorite person so that I don't hurt her ....yet am actually hurting myself....I don't know....why did God have to create us like this 🤦
@bcrwarlock1974
@bcrwarlock1974 Жыл бұрын
This. It literally feels like dying inside!
@MY-eq4jp
@MY-eq4jp Жыл бұрын
Show your favorite person how much you love them by going to and committing to therapy. Learn techniques to get through those tough emotions. DBT is supposed to help with bpd. Dr. Daniel Fox has lots of great KZbin videos.
@aderpyaxolotl
@aderpyaxolotl Жыл бұрын
@@MY-eq4jp I agree with this. I have BPD and I've been wanting to get into DBT for a while. my insurance is just being stupid. I'm also terrified that I'm going to get (another) biased therapist that isn't good for me though. :')
@MaxwellMcKinnon
@MaxwellMcKinnon Жыл бұрын
That’s yet another bpd blame deflection. If you really care about yourself and your partner and are not just interested in eternally playing the victim, then prove it with your actions. Go to therapy and fix your toxic problems. Dbt is proven to work if you own the problem rather than blame externalities.
@sinkingkitchen
@sinkingkitchen 5 күн бұрын
reading these replies is so hurtful. didn't realise we were so hated by the ones we love the most.
@lovelettersfromhades9659
@lovelettersfromhades9659 Жыл бұрын
The worst is when they know they have bpd and they don’t tell you and you’re the favorite person
@Liz-wz8dh
@Liz-wz8dh 5 ай бұрын
Or when they try to give you a bunch of veiled hints so they can feel like they "told" you when in reality they're just manipulating you and lying by omission. Never again will I entertain someone like that. Too much drama. BPD people just need to date each other.
@lostinsideinalonelylife8410
@lostinsideinalonelylife8410 12 күн бұрын
Istg there isn’t something worse than ts, i even thought i had mental issues after discard-split and learning months later it was their mind games and manipulations..
@user-bo4cl6du3q
@user-bo4cl6du3q 11 ай бұрын
I just got out of a relationship with a man with BPD and holy shit, I feel like I wrote this video myself. All of these things are EXACTLY what I went through as his FP, and I’ve been questioning whether I was a bad person for not ever being or doing enough for him. Thank you so much for making this video, it was very healing.
@PLsexpicklePL
@PLsexpicklePL 11 ай бұрын
Do you think there’s any hope for a guy with BPD? After being with one? I know it’s rare. My psychiatrist thinks I have BPD. I most likely do. It’s terrifying because it just seems like a person with BPD is impossible to be with. I can love so heavily but I make most people miserable in the end.
@Joy-Marie369
@Joy-Marie369 9 ай бұрын
​@@PLsexpicklePLThere's hope. Keep working on yourself and understanding why you feel what you feel. When you love yourself love will come.
@void1718
@void1718 8 ай бұрын
@@PLsexpicklePLI imagine this person is in extreme pain at the minute . Probably not such a good time to pose such a question right now .
@tanyac.c.macbean4707
@tanyac.c.macbean4707 6 ай бұрын
I was married to one. This video is spot on.
@saintjabroni
@saintjabroni 5 ай бұрын
⁠@@PLsexpicklePLFirstly, it sounds like you have enough of a head on shoulders, in terms of awareness. That’s number one. Stay in counseling. Be good to yourself, your literal mind and body, as in have a good diet (including even certain supplements like a QUALITY Vitamin D3/K2 combo, taurate or malate or bisglycinate magnesium), and healthy lifestyle. It’s rather imperative. From a zen standpoint, which one should never EVER overlook implementing when dealing with battles of the mind and soul. Self-discipline is crucial. Push your limits, as in redefine what it means to look inward and outward, even if it’s painful or seems impossible at times. Some growth is that difficult, others will and DO come across smoother. In the spirit of change and transformation, branch out to new things, interests or activities that you identify with in the *present*. I strongly feel when adapting ANY new kind of thinking, we falter or it does not sustain as well per the environmental deja vu. For me, it’s a thing of how much innerwork is directing things over the external influence? Well, if you CAN change something on the outside, too, then do it (right down to the meaning *you* decide to instill in it). Embrace and be grateful for whatever that is. Let it overcome you. Otherwise, look to Stoicism. Another pointer. Don’t expect the world of yourself in terms of progress and speed in your journey of self-betterment. You have ebbs and flows as a reflection of life. Always, always remember and remember a peak or valley is happening before you even CAN realize. Realize now, that: this is literally the SAME for anyone even without BPD. Rejoice in that. And just as those without BPD, you need only understand better the WHY and the WHAT for your own unique mechanisms, so as to mitigate or manage HOW and WHEN. Keep up that positivity. Positivity is so f***ing real and moving, it’s almost “unreal”. Tip: sometimes “neutral” is a positive.
@ClearandHealthyBoundaries
@ClearandHealthyBoundaries Жыл бұрын
I disagree that we CHOOSE an FP. Most times the way we feel about that person just creeps up on us.😢
@mabelameba
@mabelameba Жыл бұрын
Honest question? Can anyone be a favorite person or do these people have special traits for you? What's the difference between your favorite person and a really close/good friend?
@mrnprrn
@mrnprrn Жыл бұрын
@@mabelameba I'd say the obsession level toward the FV (Speaking as someone with BPD)
@mabelameba
@mabelameba Жыл бұрын
@@mrnprrn thanks for the insight.
@mrnprrn
@mrnprrn Жыл бұрын
@@mabelameba Ofc
@Egalitarian917
@Egalitarian917 5 ай бұрын
@@mabelameba When the other person has similar traumas I'm like a fucking magnet
@michaelbeaver4650
@michaelbeaver4650 Жыл бұрын
I was a BPD's "favorite" person for several months. I had to establish very clear boundries over time and they moved on to a new "favorite." Thanks!
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165 Жыл бұрын
So there is hope. Is it possible to somewhat have them in your life and be on good terms w them without your life completely revolve around them? In your experience?
@michaelbeaver4650
@michaelbeaver4650 Жыл бұрын
@@epfizerdoolittleajl2165 Definitely. But I had to go through the tantrums and gaslighting. Now we meet for coffee and chat about ordinary life. Thanks!
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165 Жыл бұрын
@Michael Beaver congratulations! And thanks this has helped so much
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165
@epfizerdoolittleajl2165 Жыл бұрын
@Michael Beaver congratulations! And thanks this has helped so much
@ChaoticAnswers
@ChaoticAnswers Ай бұрын
Exactly!!! Her parents are both narcissists. Her POS dad still has a strangle hold and ive heard he asks her for money sick family dynamic
@MrGearoid65
@MrGearoid65 Жыл бұрын
I was targeted by the person with bpd/npd. Love bombed me, depended on me for EVERYTHING. I loved this person, seduced by the love bombing and the fake attention and praise, what a fool I was, until they decided I wasn't that special after all, devalued me and attempted a discard. I got there first, blew up in frustration and thus became the problem as the person with bpd showed their true colors and destroyed my name and reputation. I had to pull away. I was very vulnerable myself at the time I was targeted and tried to gey away after a year and a half but the person with bpd wouldn't let me. It's been a complete nightmare, socially, mentally, morally and financially. I no longer care what diagnosis (or not) the abuser has. I will never let this happen again.
@blueskies7035
@blueskies7035 Жыл бұрын
My experience was similar, but I was lucky. She monkey-branched into the next relationship, straight away. After a few curious weeks, I just resolved, "They're adults. Let THEM figure it out."
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
I spent 3 years with BPD who had symptoms of EVERY other cluster b PDs. I was unaware of her condition, she literally said she got tested gor it and the "Doc" said she definitely didn't have it. She failed to mention to me, that she chose to only tell me (lying by omission) that answer she got, not the other Doctors who tested her and said, Yep you have BPD. She has Multiple sclerosis and is a alcohol in remission, she broke sobriety for 6 months, halfway through it. She even asked me if she should and what I'd think, I of course said DO NOT RELAPSE, but I can't make your decisions. She stated sleeping with other ppl 2 months into the situation🙄. Went back to AA, then left and went to a "dry drunk". To make the story shorter (my bad lol) I was blindsided 100% 3 years in. The amount of lies and deceitful things, were almost unbelievable, almost impressive to even manage type of unbelievable. I even spent a week after the bombshells, to try to help enlighten her to the truths and be stern but supportive. BAD IDEA! Started to plan an "exit", this women went on a covert smear campaign she started from the beginning (makes sense why her friends and I didn't vibe right). Luckily I had no kids and I have tons of people in my life from way before her, who know me very well. She got "truth bombed" by me, about ALL of her flaws as a human being. I felt mean as hell the whole time, even during it consciously, but no therapist would be near capable of pushing a BPD individual to the real truth that quick. I'm an a**hole, but I made her (nothing abusive or wrong, just intense and very persistent to details) tell me the truth, or as much as she disclosed to me. I met her after a 2 year prison stint (one and only and it was for Marijuana, illegal but not wild) I lost my childhood sweetheart during that, came home broken. The BPD chose me as her FP, trauma-bonded me about the loss of our fathers young, and was a great fake person. I was determined to be a great partner, told her every single thing about my life, the goods and the bads. She took my kindness as weakness, and then weaponized all that I shared, just to manipulate the whole thing. Was a messed up time, but it made the pieces of my whole life make sense. It healed my trauma actually, so I weirdly was appreciative of the time. I left with zero intention of ever speaking or hearing from her ever again, feels so much better to completely drop the ENTIRE thing. Life is crazy, especially when you come in contact with a BPD 😂😂😂
@QwertyQwerty-eq7th
@QwertyQwerty-eq7th 8 ай бұрын
​​@@tflowe3288she sounds narcissistic,i don't think she has bpd, she's had NPD, She's sleeping around etc, that's usually what npds do, Bpds are just clingy desperate people wanting to be loved, they wouldn't sabotage the relationship like that Even if a bpd had an outburst, she would apologise for she would genuinely feel bad Npds they trauma bond,love bomb,lie,devalue discard, smear campaign,all traits of NPD Your ex sounds like a narcissist
@JamesBongo
@JamesBongo 8 ай бұрын
Sounds like what i just went through
@davecros4887
@davecros4887 Жыл бұрын
I dated a woman for a few months that appeared to have BPD. As we were getting to know each other we'd spend time introducing each other to friends on each side. When we met her friends she was fine, when she met my friends she would go into fits of intense, frightening, anger hours later or the following day. It was a pattern that was confusing and frightening. This sheds like on that behavior. Thank you.
@blueskies7035
@blueskies7035 Жыл бұрын
Interesting. In my case, she really had no long term relationships/friendships. It should have been a sign that I paid attention to.
@userresus
@userresus 10 ай бұрын
My ex had a lot of nightmares before meeting my mom even so I was 100% sure mom would like her (and she did)
@userresus
@userresus 10 ай бұрын
​@@blueskies7035 You can never guess.. My ex had been in relationships for 7 years before and sad her boyfriend was an abuser. Yet eventually all the "abuse" narrowed down to him being a jerk at some points which we all do to be honest. So I guess problems with previous relationships or their absence is indeed a sign but it's hard to spot it
@themayorvt2
@themayorvt2 3 ай бұрын
This is my experience it’s been such a difficult part of our relationship
@themayorvt2
@themayorvt2 3 ай бұрын
@@blueskies7035same, it’s uncanny how many friends I have and how few she has
@Kai-zx6mu
@Kai-zx6mu 7 ай бұрын
I haven’t been diagnosed with bpd but this is very similar to my experience and the people I know who have it. About a year ago there was someone who I was very close with to the point where we couldn’t even leave the house without each other. People would even point out that we were codependent but I felt like I finally got past my depression because of them so I didn’t care. Once that person started distancing themselves I started getting super suspicious and it spiraled into a loop of arguments and apologies. I felt like I was sick all the time because of my depression making me feel drained and my anxiety would cause my muscles and chest to hurt. After that I started struggling again with self harm, suicide attempts, drug abuse, dissociation, insomnia, etc. It felt like I couldn’t get help and everyone around me was on a completely different planet. It felt like I couldn’t control my thoughts or actions. My therapist at the time felt really invalidating so I decided to do some research and I came across DBT therapy. I gave it a chance and it had helped me so much more than any treatment I’ve tried. It’s so much more in depth and you start to figure out why you do the things that you do and where your fears and stuff stem from. I’d definitely recommend it. It pretty much saved my life
@LiseLeblanc
@LiseLeblanc 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing and providing hope for others!
@ChefFandangle
@ChefFandangle 11 ай бұрын
Its unfortunate that a person with BPD Will highly stress to you their fear of abandonment. You will do everything and show them they you will not leave them and in the end they will abandon you. It has been so heartbreaking and soul crushing to endure this pain she has brought upon me. I really loved her so much and did my best to care for her and understand her illness but in the end i was devalued was no longer her FP and she chose someone else. I wish she didnt have to endure the illness she has i think we could have had a beautiful life together but now all i have is the memories of our 2 and a half year relationship.
@user-mj7hc7ek5y
@user-mj7hc7ek5y Ай бұрын
💔 this.
@Inequities
@Inequities 6 ай бұрын
The irony of #10 is remarkable in that, the exact thing you describe the way the borderline feels after they lose the FP is so similar to how the discarded FP feels. I often tell people that I feel like my entire family (my ex fiancé and her kids that she had me help her raise for a year) died in a car accident or a plane crash. One day you are their everything, and literally the next you are nothing to them. It’s all so so so sick.
@09daniscool
@09daniscool 6 ай бұрын
Being ghosted right now. Sometimes it feels like I'm being cooked alive, like I'm gonna spontaneously combust. So awful.
@jennigirl8275
@jennigirl8275 5 ай бұрын
Same
@jera9654
@jera9654 Жыл бұрын
At first I thought the idealization was surely a honeymoon phase and things would cool off so I tried to keep things straightforward and realistic. She would talk in terms of "her person" when we discussed our relationship expectations. I found myself wanting to be that person and feeling so validated. I ended up realizing I was losing myself (4 years later) in the delusional spin cycle of maintaining "perfection" as the clash between reality and fantasy became unavoidable. I came to say that being idealized and devalued did help me identify the ambiguities in my boundaries and self-integrity that I likely would have remained ignorant towards without someone scrutinizing (and plying at them) so meticulously. We can choose what we think about. It is a major red flag (to me) when another adult's basic needs have become inextricably enmeshed with our own. Save yourself.
@jera9654
@jera9654 Жыл бұрын
@@Jmitch033 Definitely sympathize. I really got into journaling about "unspoken agreements between us" for awhile. It helped me realize how much I was interpreting because the communication about real needs was so poor. I say this lesson is better learned late than never. The time I've spent since then meeting my own needs even more so. They tried to steal and then silence a very powerful voice within us. That can only happen through our own consent. -Peace
@Hotelhopper
@Hotelhopper Жыл бұрын
Well said!
@cherylthompson2731
@cherylthompson2731 11 ай бұрын
I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't have a favorite person. I can be alone and be happy. Not everything is "text book". We are ALL individuals. I have worked on myself for years and years. It is possible to improve your life.
@imaniali8867
@imaniali8867 Жыл бұрын
Nothing but facts. It’s hard to deal with. People please love your kids and pour into them
@sandraledger2612
@sandraledger2612 Жыл бұрын
I want a relationship with a BPD woman to continue, after ghosting me. We had an affair of 8 months on again and off again then she committed to me fully. 2 weeks later and after deciding to move in together she ghosted me and went back to her ex. I was so enchanted but I am starting to think I dodged a terrible destructive bullet.
@whitedom2041
@whitedom2041 Жыл бұрын
reading these comments about girls ghosting people i think thatsa female thing im a male with bpd and i have never ghosted a fp
@sunshineyrainbows13
@sunshineyrainbows13 Жыл бұрын
Relationships born of affairs do not last, honey. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. Please attend therapy and work on yourself. Praying for you. John 3:16.
@Phoenixoceans33
@Phoenixoceans33 Жыл бұрын
You are addicted to the feeling, not the woman. I promise you X
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
Why actively participate in cheating? You reap what you sow! Be better
@AltruisticWarrior
@AltruisticWarrior 11 ай бұрын
You did, trust me. Even if you make it a decade, it'll be through a lot of stress and trauma on your part but that relationship will definitively come with an expiration date.
@mrnprrn
@mrnprrn Жыл бұрын
This is one of the most insightful videos on the subject that I've ever seen, speaking as someone with a severe case of BPD. I really don't wanna be like this anymore, I've cried from the starter to the ending of the video. I have no idea what to do. But I'm trying my best to stop pushing people away by seeming scary and clingy. It just hurts so bad.
@planttvibes
@planttvibes Жыл бұрын
I did the same thing while watching. I hope it gets better for us 💕
@OplulentCreator
@OplulentCreator 9 ай бұрын
Look up Dr. Joe Dispenza meditations and the testimonies😊!!! Also Louise Hays. It’s helped me so so much!
@mrnprrn
@mrnprrn 9 ай бұрын
@@OplulentCreator Thank you very much! Gonna check them out for sure. 😸
@ProfilerJack
@ProfilerJack Жыл бұрын
This is spot on - I used to get the cards and gifts where she'd written "you're my favorite, you're my favorite" - wish I'd have seen this first.
@mrzebra77
@mrzebra77 5 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this video, and others. As a FP of someone I suspect has BPD this is so very accurate - all of it. It's really helping me with the guilt I feel from walking away.
@storytimewithnana5670
@storytimewithnana5670 11 ай бұрын
Thank you SO much for this clearly defined description on the struggles of the Favorite Person. I have just made a string break from someone with BPD, with the agreement to sit down together with a counselor, after 1 year to see if we can rebuild our friendship. This helps me to see that this is real, I'm not alone, and I'm not bad, mean or otherwise for needing to recover and heal from this very very difficult relationship. There's not enough help out there for US.
@JamesBlakey-os8xw
@JamesBlakey-os8xw 3 ай бұрын
Absolutely spot on, currently in that last phase and it is absolute hell! The vicious verbal abuse mixed with the emotional abuse is next level. The devaluation right now is beyond horrific also. I split with her 5 weeks ago and I don’t see this ending for absolutely ages. I tried for 3 years, gave it my all and if I had ever said things I actually wanted to say instead of saying things just to keep the peace it would have been even worse. It’s like you can’t be yourself and have your own real opinions just incase they don’t agree and it triggers them. She’s self aware that she has bpd but never accepts that most the problems we had were due to her bpd. Never took accountability for anything and always banged on at me to take accountability for her actions or how I just need to validate her feelings. Yeah it’s ok to say that but I’m not going to validate her feelings when her feelings are to verbally abuse me? Like it’s insane. She always found a way to make me question myself or manipulate me and what’s even more annoying is her friends who she’s devaluing me to have no idea what so ever about her bpd so she’s painting this picture of me to them which is totally wrong. It’s almost like a scam, act normal and loving till they love you then bam, drop the bpd bomb and unleash every symptom. Even if you were to explain to someone what bpd is, I think it’s one of those things you have to go through yourself to actually know how horrific and traumatic it really is. Dont get me wrong, I know it’s extremely difficult for the bpd person but Christ, for a Normal person it’s absolute madness.
@airthrowDBT
@airthrowDBT 2 ай бұрын
Jesus I could've wrote this post. My recently Ex, I helped her load the car with some items for her new "friends" who wouldn't look me in the eye, clearly she is giving them some picture where she is the victim of me...if only they knew she's the on causing wall to wall chaos and verbally abusive and I literally walk on eggshells around this person I am forced to still live with. Its hard to describe but if it wasnt for my kid I'd be want to self delete to escape this monstrous energy vampire who is stalking me and verbally abusing and isolating me.
@Catherine-rr7fc
@Catherine-rr7fc Жыл бұрын
Please more videos on BPD and about healthy ways and skills to handle all the difficult situations that can occur when in a relationship with a person with BPD. I’m also interested in what are important boundaries to set specifically with a pwBPD and advices about maintaining boundaries with this person 🙏💗
@dawnsmith9596
@dawnsmith9596 10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much!! This is the first time I have recognized that my daughter has BPD and the first time I feel recognized and validated. This video described my life as the favorite person down to a T. I often feel like a prisoner. I rarely can do things with my friends and when I do, she calls and asks me to come home after a short time. I often can't even get to the nearby store without a call from her while I am driving. Thank you for this great video!!!
@Kxlovii
@Kxlovii 5 ай бұрын
The most accurate video I have ever seen. I have BPD and I have done this cycle NUMEROUS times. It’s heart breaking and I’m trying really hard to break out of it and do better
@Mgoblue1023
@Mgoblue1023 7 ай бұрын
My god you are eerily describing every detail of my relationship with my ex-wife. It’s been 5 years and I’m still recovering
@brosephbroheim6428
@brosephbroheim6428 Жыл бұрын
I think I might have BPD myself. It's the cut that never heals. I felt like it was largely resolved through will power, reason, and familial support but stuff like this always pokes up in my life. I'm pretty sure all I've done is found ways to hide from others that I am messed up. It's not as bad as I make it sound - I hope - but when you're the one living it by yourself, you lose insight that you would gain from having honest interaction with people. I'm not sure if I have the capacity for trust that may be required for therapy but there are some things that I want to get under control or learn to embrace. I probably could have benefited from the right therapy as a child, teenager, young adult, but just never could stop my distrust from getting in the way of seeking it.
@victoriamoss8448
@victoriamoss8448 Жыл бұрын
Me too...I KNOW I need help bit I don't trust anyone woth all that is me....Soni continue to get in relationships male them my favorite, turn on them one too many times think they are going to leave and run away in the most terrible way...and then get another one
@damienbunting873
@damienbunting873 Жыл бұрын
Dude same. I desperately want to be able to just trust and listen but I cant get myself to trust no matter how hard I want.
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
What trust do you think a therapist will betray? The core of your comment is.... YOU DO NOT TRUST YOURSELF. You need to WANT to change yourself, one day, if you treat people like most BPD individuals do, you will be forever unhappy and alone. Accepting the truth from inside, and being a good and transparent person is the only way to live freely. Good luck with life, treat other like you would like to be treated
@brosephbroheim6428
@brosephbroheim6428 Жыл бұрын
This is a pretty kind comments section. Am I still on youtube? I've since started counselling and mentioned on my 5th session that I think I'm dealing with some variant of BPD. Starting a cognitive behavioural therapy approach next session. It's way too easy to assume extreme points of view, and the alternative tends to be an extreme of the opposite. I miss out on a lot because I am afraid of my emotions betraying what my mind knows. Somebody mentioned that I don't trust myself - and that is true. I don't feel like I have a solid foundation from which to build trust in my own identity. Instead of switching up my persona every 2 months like many others, I find that I've dug myself in to avoid being so unpredictable and seemingly unstable. I need to grow out of some stuff that served to protect me at one point but is now putting up barriers to making new friends and finding new activities. I'd like to get this sorted out before the next relationship - and I've put that off for 6 years since the last. I don't even look at women anymore - it's not that I don't enjoy them but I'm tired of playing my role in screwing things up. I'm not solely to blame, to be sure, but I can only work on my issues hoping that they don't follow me, or that I may be able to deal with them in a non-catastrophic way.
@Shannon_Robbie
@Shannon_Robbie 6 ай бұрын
@@brosephbroheim6428 I can relate! I've been single for 9 years and I have legitimate excuses as to why dating is so hard for me. But part of it is that I'm scared of ruining another relationship and having my heartbroken again. Not that it was entirely my fault but I played a big part. Same thing with trying to make new friends or trying to reconnect with old friends. Old friends are even harder because they have a negative bias towards the "old" version of you. I find therapists are mostly useless. I know most of this shit already from my own research. I often wonder if I have BPD or if it's just Anxiety issues. Part of me doesn't want to know though!
@debraguenterberg8325
@debraguenterberg8325 5 ай бұрын
My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with mixed personality disorder, borderline and anti-social. I was his favorite person, but it was a rollercoaster of hell. He was so dependent on me, and when I felt overwhelmed, he would accuse me of not loving him. While I may have been his favorite person, he was living a secret life, cheating on me. I didn't know he was, but I found out. When I told him that we were done, that he couldn't live both lives, one as my husband, and one as a single man, he told me that his private life was none of my business. I didn't hate him, but I was so drained that I needed to leave. He was suicidal in the past so I was really afraid for him. This time he wasn't just suicidal, but also homicidal. Law enforcement SWAT team protected me but he refused to surrender and ended his life. Now I feel guilty for finally feeling free.
@bellydancerkristen
@bellydancerkristen 3 ай бұрын
THAT, my friend, is golden-nugget script potential. Wow! 😮 So glad you are ok now.
@djancak
@djancak 3 ай бұрын
you shouldn't feel guilty at all. some people just can't be helped outside of just totally controlling their lives by force which obviously you can't do.
@hhdunlap
@hhdunlap Жыл бұрын
The is the best description of this phenomena that I have ever seen.
@onyourleft5648
@onyourleft5648 11 ай бұрын
Thank you for this content, I really needed this to stabilize
@jeanwoodhouse6456
@jeanwoodhouse6456 8 ай бұрын
I always understand that my daughter has a hole in her soul that will never be filled. The best thing I have done for myself is to learn to set boundaries both emotionally and physically. I have learned to see the train coming down the track and jump off! Even as a social worker- I have gotten run over many a day.
@csheaffer1908
@csheaffer1908 7 ай бұрын
You're an Angel. You're gonna change the world, kid! Keep shinin'
@LiseLeblanc
@LiseLeblanc 7 ай бұрын
“Kid” lol… I like that (a lot) as I’m about to turn 50!
@Socoolral
@Socoolral Жыл бұрын
Good morning Lise, All this has me really thinking 🤔. Very good information. I do enjoy how you put these videos together. It’s calming and yet valid points are being made. Thank you for caring enough to create the I feel is needed to allow me to progress. It’s all appreciated. Stay healthy and safe inside your body 😉🤙🏼
@kmbois
@kmbois Жыл бұрын
Thanks again for clarifying what I have been through.
@lloydharichund9470
@lloydharichund9470 Жыл бұрын
The more I attempt to learn about BPD, the more it becomes apparent that I may be demonstrating symptoms of a BPD myself. Is this even possible???
@billywest1967
@billywest1967 Жыл бұрын
I don't know if I feel worse now, after watching this, or better? It re-iterates what I've been through as a favourite person, and I can understand my EX-partner's illness (BPD) better. I need more counselling re. this last relationship. There are things I must get off my chest, and out of my head before I can move on. My family and friends have stuck by me through this difficult phase of my life, and I thank them for doing this. Particulary Baz, Pete, Jules, my Mum Dad x
@flowerpower2726
@flowerpower2726 Жыл бұрын
I got into a bad habit of lying to my ex who had strong traits of bpd in order to avoid the intense conflicts. I’d eventually get caught and it just made things so much more worse. I never in my life felt like such a terrible human being.
@user-ym3hg8wp8x
@user-ym3hg8wp8x Жыл бұрын
I can relate!!! Even though you do not do anything bad (like talk or text to an old friend of an opposite sex), you anyway have no other choice but to lie in order to avoid the clashes that you are so tired of. Of course they feel we are lying, reveal the truth and in the end it is us who are the moat terrible people in the world and surely not them who actually made us lie
@georgeargyropoulos5664
@georgeargyropoulos5664 Жыл бұрын
Wow ditto
@TheStirke
@TheStirke Жыл бұрын
same here - i'm fairly sure my girlfriend had BPD, so glad i've read this comment
@advaitaveda5671
@advaitaveda5671 Жыл бұрын
@@user-ym3hg8wp8x wat happens if you just told the truth? Would it go into accusing you of cheating on her/him ? Just curious. And even if they accused you of it, wouldn't you have a solid reasoning to show them that they are just being delusional cause that's not wat you are doing?
@advaitaveda5671
@advaitaveda5671 Жыл бұрын
@@TheStirke wat happens if you simply told the truth? Just curious.
@Aimee77833
@Aimee77833 10 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for making this, I know well about this but just to hear about this, feels validated as many people still don’t have awareness about this. Experienced being fav person few times, and as you have described we have nothing but love toward them but it was so unhealthy and damaging to our own emotional health as fav person too. And as everything was happening that only that fav person know and experienced it, other people didn’t understand about it. Especially when they have bpd and npd/ covert npd combined…The fav person usually need to endured a lot. Through experiences with them I learn how to apply healthy boundaries.
@Bibleinformationandhelp
@Bibleinformationandhelp Жыл бұрын
I assume people who are like this have been damaged very badly in the past. Looks like they are horribly insecure. If someone can't love themselves, how can they love you?
@BasedGodEmperorTrump
@BasedGodEmperorTrump Жыл бұрын
I have BPD and just from my experience with it, we're damaged and insecure because of childhood neglect and trauma. We weren't shown love growing up so we don't know how to love ourselves. With BPD, love is merely a perception on a cognitive basis. Our interpretation is learned from tv, films, observing others etc. We can only mimic the idea of love. We rely on external love from others as a defense mechanism from lack/neglect from childhood. We tend to fall into mommy/daddy issue stereotypes.
@victorcayro3753
@victorcayro3753 Жыл бұрын
I am in love with Lise LeBlanc
@Bibleinformationandhelp
@Bibleinformationandhelp Жыл бұрын
@@victorcayro3753 😆
@mabelameba
@mabelameba Жыл бұрын
​@@BasedGodEmperorTrump this is an honest question, do people who suffer from bpd feel love genuinely or its just the idea of finding someone who can fill the emptiness and take care of them?
@BasedGodEmperorTrump
@BasedGodEmperorTrump Жыл бұрын
@@mabelameba Ultimately, we're "in love" with the fantasy rather than the person. Honestly, our partners are just the missing p/maternal figure we've longed for since childhood. Hence why we idolize the partner, only to devalue them due to not meeting our ridiculous expectations. They'll never fulfill the p/maternal role. That's why PwBPD go from relationship to relationship in search of perfect suitor. These behaviors are maladaptive and wrong but can be difficult to control.
@maton100
@maton100 6 ай бұрын
It really is, perhaps, the most counterintuitive experience on Earth.
@hellawitzgerald7530
@hellawitzgerald7530 3 ай бұрын
Man. 💯
@MikaelCedergren
@MikaelCedergren 3 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this video. I didn't know this existed, but just got out of a relationship from a BPD girlfriend. It's extremely scary. But this video made me realize I'm not the bad person. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're amazing.
@JediMonk1111
@JediMonk1111 Жыл бұрын
It was the most incredible, validating experience of my life, as a man who raised 3 teens on my own for 6 years with no support whatsoever from the covert narc ex. The BPD saw me, where no other women would! She appreciated me, calling me her “hero” and “doctor” and “BFF” and sex bombed the shit out of me along with the love bombs that were amazing! Until it shifted, and the alter egos began to manifest. She stopped the blood in my heart a month or two before discard as she was in a rapid and ever escalating accelerating devaluation phase, when walking through her back yard at a casual pace, without looking at me or skipping a step she says “it was easy to make you fall in love with me…” I turned my head to look at her as she continued her easy pace and said “oh?” With some apprehension, wrapped in a genuine curiosity about what she had to say. She continued “Al I had to do was mirror back to you all those beautiful qualities you poses.” 😮
@bigtreecombatacademy2927
@bigtreecombatacademy2927 11 ай бұрын
That’s scary
@jimig399
@jimig399 11 ай бұрын
​@@bigtreecombatacademy2927But it's so true. When I met my wife she pretended to like everything that I liked for awhile. She mirrored my own behaviors, mannerisms, likes and dislikes back at me. When she add the sex spark to that gasoline it was on. I really wish I had never met her.
@bigtreecombatacademy2927
@bigtreecombatacademy2927 11 ай бұрын
@@jimig399 mine did it too and is now even doing it after I brutally dumped her (which I feel hell guilty about) She has thrown herself into fitness and therapy which was what I kept encouraging her to do and she was at the start of our relationship I feel for her but I ain’t going back
@r.bishop1127
@r.bishop1127 7 ай бұрын
I just got chills from that! Jfc
@abbasgirl8153
@abbasgirl8153 7 ай бұрын
Been there and it hurts and makes us feel crazy and never wanting to be in a real relationship again
@1980ify
@1980ify 9 ай бұрын
I would like to express that each and every point said by you is going on in my relationship. I felt guilty that I can't satisfy their needs. I think like I can't recover after going through this and I don't think I'll be able to handle another relationship. It has become like PTSD where I'm constantly alarmed of when their next outburst will be
@curlcd
@curlcd Жыл бұрын
Holy cow this is a 100-percent descriptor of my exact situation
@MrFruitstick
@MrFruitstick 3 ай бұрын
Bang on! My mum has all the symptoms/criteria of BPD but not diagnosed. I grew up as the only son, youngest with 3 sisters. I was classed as the golden child all my life and all of the things explained in this video was my experience. It was bloody hard growing up. I love my mum but i stay away from her as much as i can. Its just too draining and narcissistic on every level. Thank you for an informative video
@VanessaSully
@VanessaSully 13 күн бұрын
This was extremely informative and helpful. I work in health care and this has helped on many levels of care. Thank you ❤
@verucasalt6519
@verucasalt6519 11 ай бұрын
This sums up a relationship I had with a former friend perfectly. It was so exhausting, and eventually got to the point that I would have severe anxiety just from seeing a text from her. I ended the friendship and told her she needed help, not sure if she ever sought help, but I have never regretted ending the friendship because she was so toxic, and I am sad for her as I know she is sick, but if she refuses to her help that is unacceptable for those close to her. Adults are responsible for dealing with their issues.
@Starlightndust
@Starlightndust 9 ай бұрын
Same here. Ended a friendship with someone who was definitely a Covert Narcissist and possibly had comorbidity with BPD. She was so toxic and dangerous to my well-being that ending my friendshipwith her was sad. 😢
@avatar941
@avatar941 Жыл бұрын
This is so exactly spot on. I'm doing the hard work to get out right now after living in this hell for almost 18 years. Please keep doing what you do, you are literally saving lives
@marquiscarter1565
@marquiscarter1565 Жыл бұрын
Good luck bro mines going on 8 years as of yesterday trying to make this the last year
@Foundationbuilding
@Foundationbuilding 9 ай бұрын
I’ve been married to my wife for 18 years as well. Has she ever cheated on you? Crazy how borderlines literally have zero guilt?
@durgeshbhadane2939
@durgeshbhadane2939 9 ай бұрын
​@@Foundationbuilding bpd persons never cheat with there partner... It's next to impossible for those
@bean606
@bean606 Жыл бұрын
Lise, thank you for the video! At first I watched your videos trying to diagnose my "ex" - was she CNPD, BPD, NPD etc. and then realized it's complicated. Now I watch them for my benefit. My relationship literally sucked the life out of me! I was thoroughly confused by the discard. Your videos have helped me to not doubt myself, see clearly, set boundaries and to realize I'm not the piece of shit I was made out to be.
@bean606
@bean606 Жыл бұрын
@kaw boy Revised accordingly because that's what self love deficient people do! 🙂
@georgeargyropoulos5664
@georgeargyropoulos5664 Жыл бұрын
Yes! They make us feel like we are horrible partners one day and the best partner they’ve ever had the following day and they tell you that they want to live with you until you get old. Now we are in divorce proceedings.
@over-comer
@over-comer 11 ай бұрын
​@@georgeargyropoulos5664 sounds like my ex. It's a whole lot of confusion. Either way, I'm responsible for my own faults so that's what I need to work on, so that I do better in future.
@kimrose80
@kimrose80 Жыл бұрын
Thankyou for explaining the FP dynamic Lise with understanding and compassion for the person who has BPD as well as the other person..
@user-sm6bu4pr8b
@user-sm6bu4pr8b Жыл бұрын
Can you do a video on breakups with a borderline? As a guy I’ve had a breakup with a girl with BPD and there were so many questions. She vent back to her ex almost straight away but pretty sure it was even before we broke up. The games started and even now after 3 years this girl still runs to get my attention. But thank you so much for these videos they have helped immensely
@rw4754
@rw4754 Жыл бұрын
Being an FP to a BPD is like being chained to a minefield with a Godzilla Bitch chasing you spewing flames. AND it is ALL the FP's FAULT right? 😱
@DaxVerus
@DaxVerus Жыл бұрын
As I listen I cannot stop listening and the hurt and pain and anxiety I felt listening to this because I know it to be true but I dont want it to be true, I dont want to admit ow exhausted I was, how hurt they were and in return how hurt I let myself get. The constant battle of feeling bad for them and shame for letting them go but at the end of it I keep listening because it resonates with me. It is tiring, it is painful, it is hurt. I know they were just struggling (I have narcissistic tendencies from my mother that I am working on in therapy and understand this painful battle.) This is one of these moments where the empathy I feel turns into sheer pain and sadness for the both of us. But the relief of not having to burden their emotions and finally work on my own is so freeing. I honestly wish her the best, and like myself, I hope we both improve and get the help we so much deserve. This video was a painful truth serum for me and allowed me to not feel as bad about having to leave them. Two sides to every coin.
@sergiocopete3605
@sergiocopete3605 10 ай бұрын
Seriously great description. Describes perfectly my relationship to my ex, who I know has bpd. She doesn’t know it, she just thinks she’s bipolar. I don’t hate her or think she’s a bad person, and I know I’m probably still her favorite person and I’m worried about the moment she figures out how to get through the block wall, and I know she will because she’s done it like 4 times in the past and I always end up with her again. This time is for good, and I just hope she can get into therapy and find someone she can be happy with, so she can finally let me go. I wish her well, but well far away from me. The end of the video really hit home for me, it’s so hard to get away from them and it’s tough to keep them away. I guess I got to work on my boundaries and make sure I don’t waver
@thecurrentmoment
@thecurrentmoment 3 ай бұрын
I've hears they go for people with poor boundaries
@user-ck8nm7rt9e
@user-ck8nm7rt9e 10 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video! As a person who is 40 and just recently being made aware that I have severe BPD , this video has explained volumes on my being aware of what I have put my wife through. We have been married 18 years and things just reached the breaking point, she is in the phase where I have destroyed her as a person so much that she is now setting boundaries and needs time alone away from me. I am in a mental clarity point at the moment, but this video has helped me to see the pain I have put her through, to see the things that she could not express. Mental awareness is crucial to fighting and overcoming BPD. I have a long way to go
@LiseLeblanc
@LiseLeblanc 10 ай бұрын
I wish both you and your wife all the best in your recovery
@herbertashby7009
@herbertashby7009 4 ай бұрын
Thank you so much. So informative. Been there for a few years so so heartbreaking.
@chicchica44
@chicchica44 Жыл бұрын
I think I was this for my grandmother wow. Explains a lot.
@petrawhite4265
@petrawhite4265 9 ай бұрын
I needed to hear this this Morning 🙏🏽Ty
@sagebay2803
@sagebay2803 2 ай бұрын
This video was very helpful. Thank you so much.
@vento99
@vento99 10 ай бұрын
I can identity with everything you have said here. Wow. Thank you.
@Private-GtngxNMBKvYzXyPq
@Private-GtngxNMBKvYzXyPq 10 ай бұрын
It might be useful to make a series about CPTSD. There seems to be overlap between NPD, BPD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and CPTSD. For those dealing with someone close who may fit the CPTSD diagnosis, understanding the relationship between these symptoms would be helpful.
@davidraduziner8732
@davidraduziner8732 10 ай бұрын
WELL SAID & PRESENTED LEARNED A LOT
@quentinadkins432
@quentinadkins432 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much !! Waaw like super accurate nice to know what Im working on
@jennifermendez6197
@jennifermendez6197 11 ай бұрын
Just realized a friend has BPD, this video is soooo helpful thank you!! We did training at work however the training didn’t describe the favorite person, therefore I didn’t catch it BUT THIS is a HUGE eye opener! Thanks again!
@CamdenBloke
@CamdenBloke Жыл бұрын
I'm freaking out at how relatable this is. For me it was someone I was friends with for a while, and then we got romantically involved (after they broke up with their boyfriend because they secretly had a huge thing for me the entire time we were friends). Because we had established a baseline strong friendship, I overlooked a lot of stuff early on and let it go. They were so relieved when I was calm and comforting through an emotional breakdown, or that I enjoyed listening to them ramble on ADHD style about their favourite topics. I just didn't expect so many breakdowns - nor did I anticipate they they would expect me to maintain my dominant bedroom D/s persona in day to day life (instead of being the fun goofy person that they had known for so long) - nor did I anticipate ...... basically most of the stuff you described here.
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
Guy/girl friends is not a good combo. If you think someone will treat you differently than what they treated someone else, you are wrong.
@PLsexpicklePL
@PLsexpicklePL 11 ай бұрын
I like that BDSM you just casually snuck in there lol!
@airthrowDBT
@airthrowDBT 2 ай бұрын
Interesting because one of the infuriating things about my BPD person is they want me to be their Dom but they're incredibly disrespectful and chaotic and mean, that doesn't work and it was NOT what we agreed on. The person she actually is looks NOTHING like the person she was pretending to be to get me, and she feels NO REMORSE for completely lying about who she was.
@hailylazore2021
@hailylazore2021 7 ай бұрын
Yes. My friend of over 12 years who I'm not in contact with right now. I still miss her often, but she definitely needs to branch out to a new favorite person because I'm very tired. She constantly needed me to reassure her of everything. It started to feel like a chore. And It's not that I don't love her still and wish her well but after I had a kid and we hit the age of 30, I started changing my focus and losing my ability to nurture her. She would constantly create dramatic situations and have repeating cycle of really toxic relationships where I would feel like I had to be her support through it every time. I dont want that kind of Rollercoaster around me and my son, constantly having to walk on eggshells and agree with her. I hope DBT will help her. I can imagine that its also not easy for people with BPD.
@danielepp3113
@danielepp3113 Жыл бұрын
You are my favorite person, Lise!
@johndangerbenedictarnold7862
@johndangerbenedictarnold7862 11 ай бұрын
I’m a great person when I’m single. I’m a fucking mess when I love someone. I feel terrible for my wife.
@JesusSavedMeFromASuicideAtempt
@JesusSavedMeFromASuicideAtempt Жыл бұрын
I hate myself more now than ever because o have no trust or respect for myself… Not practicing the virtues of Dicipline and patience has destroyed me.. if I can somehow learn to implement these practices and develop trust and respect for myself as a result I can have a chance to rebuild… I feel loosing my PD lover who was the love and lust of my life is because of me way more than her… She couldn’t respect trust or have confidence in a man who has none in himself.. I appreciate your videos Lise.. They help me see my part and now it’s up to me to take a stand or not…if I can the relationships and success can return in a healthy way for the first time in my life.. If not it’s over…
@michaelbreed7255
@michaelbreed7255 5 ай бұрын
I’ve watched a couple of your BPD videos and haven’t heard you mention cheating yet. My BPD ex is by FAR the most promiscuous person I’ve ever met. Literally hundreds of people and every friend and acquaintance I’ve ever had has except one.
@Malin0908
@Malin0908 Жыл бұрын
I’ve had many persons like this, but i never let them know or let it show. Because i am so afraid to push them away, so i cling to them internally, it’s hell!
@Tamsin_bear
@Tamsin_bear 6 ай бұрын
None of my FPs ever knew I was their FP. I am always terrified of how intense and painful it feels when I feel like I’m going to lose my favourite person and I do everything I can to hide it because I don’t want to freak them out with my neediness. I tend to just silently go into meltdown, hurt myself, split on them until they get back to me/I realise they weren’t abandoning me and they are none the wiser. Many of us are aware of how our disorder can present and do our best to hide it. Having an FP and fear of abandonment is the most painful part of BPD, the pain I feel when I perceive abandonment feels like I’m dying and if I think they are leaving me the world feels empty.
@Merdle
@Merdle Ай бұрын
Thank you for this.
@StarCostaRica
@StarCostaRica 5 ай бұрын
I was with him and you can never make them happy..and every word she says is on 100%..I am sorry but I can't give my sanity to them.. I need to love myself..
@xntje
@xntje 7 ай бұрын
i myself am diagnosed with borderline and currently in therapy for about 3 years. my ex best friend had the exact behavior pattern explained in this video but she isn’t diagnosed. however it’s pretty obvious that she has borderline and it’s crazy how therapy has helped me to recognize how to reflect my actions and regulate emotions myself instead of bringing them onto other
@stankinsteinfrankfurter9005
@stankinsteinfrankfurter9005 8 ай бұрын
As someone with BPD I have never heard of thus “favorite person” stuff! But damn now i feel like a creep! Thank you!
@PaulFisherMedia
@PaulFisherMedia 9 ай бұрын
Communication and planning is literally impossible because each day is determined by the emotions created by the narrative in their head and they have to be beefing with someone AT ALL TIMES. Coworker, you, family, the person at the restaurant. Even though they constantly are too tired to follow through on a plan , you are never allowed to be tired. If you can’t do that last minute thing for them right then and there you will get venom and salt. God I need therapy
@randydexter9427
@randydexter9427 Ай бұрын
Great information!
@jonathanbyington5997
@jonathanbyington5997 Ай бұрын
Thank you for this video!! Wow!! This video totally describes my dynamic with a poly lover I had. It turns out I was her favorite person . . . and it explains the guilt I feel at completely ending contact with her. The video helps me to humanize her and realize that a lot of her actions were not malicious just a symptom of her disease . . . but that I should not take responsibility for her actions as that only enables her maladaptive behavior. She sexually healed me from a relationship with my spouse who has Asperger's and gender dysphoria. I am grateful to find out that I was such an outstanding special person that she was willing to pay for all our dates and all our experiences. However, I simply could not maintain healthy boundaries with her and have returned to a monogamous relationship with my spouse. Unfortunately I had to cut off all contact with her.
@markandrews5918
@markandrews5918 Ай бұрын
Thank you for your teaching. I'm married to a wonderful woman who has BPD. I'm learning so much about how to deal with her.
@tflowe3288
@tflowe3288 Жыл бұрын
I have been a BPD favorite person for 3 years. I believe she has multiple diagnosis. BPD, a narcissist, and possibly other terms im unaware of. I am 4 days into finding all kinds of bombshells out. Each day, i have learned 10 new things that have been lies, even though i know i should have walked out day 1. This person has lived a whole double life, I am beyond shocked by this all. She is what she calls a "dry drunk," as in she hasnt drank in over a year(this go round) but left AA (AA is full of predators. Her and others there have ALL had sneaky sexual relations, preying on broken ppl). I'm beyond surprised and disappointed in myself and her. Myself for allowing someone to blind me this way ,and her, for her ability to be a completely different person in secrecy. I've been patient the entire time, I have been doing all i can to be understanding and work through arguments and things. It all makes much more sense to me now, after hearing all the lies (the ones i was told). It feels like its not worth the closure at this point. I assume the advice would be to leave her and the entire situation alone completely? I want to know what all happened, but i do realize it changes nothing, it has already been done and I will never know any more of the truth than what she will tell me. I will still not be able to forgive. I thought at first I could, but the full truth is nowhere in sight and leads me to the same outcome, I suppose. Truly a mind blowing experience. I'm 34, and I am not a naive man. People really do mistake others kindness for weakness I guess
@sarahwagland1559
@sarahwagland1559 Жыл бұрын
You know it. You have to leave. You're only 34. You won't have a problem starting a new life. When you're 64 it's a whole different ball game. The realisation that you have invested a good part of your life in someone who has no idea what love is will be crushing.
@AlexRodriguez-oh2ro
@AlexRodriguez-oh2ro 6 ай бұрын
As the recipient of this, I would love to hear about the destabilizing characteristics. This behavior can make the person on the receiving end act against their better judgment as a form of protecting themselves against the instability.
@jujudiamond97
@jujudiamond97 Жыл бұрын
i find the content in your videos really helpful and well organized. I like them alot. the one thing that i find really off-putting though is you referring you people with BPD as "borderlines." It reduces people with BPD (and mental health problems in general) to just their negatives/problem behaviors and creates a charicature of people with BPD punctuated only by their BPD symptoms. It conveys nothing about their positive qualities or capacity to grow or be any different when who they are is just " a borderline." You don't generally come across as shaming of people with BPD, but your constant use of this term does and perpetuates a picture to the public of seeing people with BPD just in this way, which increases stigma.
@SunflowerPower22
@SunflowerPower22 38 минут бұрын
This is one of the most helpful video's I've ever come across. Thank you so much. It's really helped my understand the dynamics. I just wish my friend realised I never wanted to abandon them I just became unwell with stress due to feeling drained and shaken by their rage, controlling behaviours outbursts egg shells and needed to look after my health and recover my energy. I feel responsible in that i wish i'd seen how unhealthy it was far sooner before it became so toxic. I care deeply about my friend and always will im so sad it ended up this way. All i had tried to do was support them with what i had initially thought was a lack of confidence and coukd see all their strengths but the more encouragement i gave and validation there was no progress just the need for more and more it was inevitably a no win situation for either of us. I will always wonder if i had put in better boundaries at the start and if i had known more about BPD and heard of Favourite Person dynamics i would have spotted the correlations. If i had could we have maintained a more healthy less intense friendship where im not responsible for regulating their emotions 💔
@leebreed7818
@leebreed7818 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video.
@devradenny8354
@devradenny8354 8 ай бұрын
Can we talk about the fact that you cannot get your needs met with an emotionally immature/irrational person? I’ve been with someone with bpd for 17 years. I can never sit down and ask for what I need or want. It’s immediately a fight, they’re a shit person, blah blah blah. I have never, not once, been able to say “I need this” and have decent communication. It always ends in a meltdown where I have to just give up. My partner feels like my child. 17 years with hardly any mental support and no emotional support. It’s positively draining, exhausting, and feels hopeless.
@robertlaut7488
@robertlaut7488 Жыл бұрын
Is there a indeptg video about setting and keeping the boundaries? Grately appreciate your work
@sarahwagland1559
@sarahwagland1559 Жыл бұрын
Excellent video. Really resonates. Now I know that I am my neighbours favourite person and not her arch nemesis makes everything make sense. Everyone says if she hates you so much why won't she let you go? (She is refusing to cooperate over a problem with the deeds leaving us unable to sell our house). Now I know that she needs me to justify her very being. She needs me to blame for her miserable life. I'm sure she'll find someone else when I eventually manage to move but, for now, I have the dubious honour of being her favourite person.
@tammyhollands8769
@tammyhollands8769 Ай бұрын
I feel so seen and understand. So true to my experience
@ericmcdonald7313
@ericmcdonald7313 Жыл бұрын
My life for 10 years until i ended it. The most excruciating thing I have ever done. Still painful even after 3 years
@georgeargyropoulos5664
@georgeargyropoulos5664 Жыл бұрын
I feel you. I’m going through a divorce now and I’m confused to why I feel this pain that I truly love her and don’t want to see her hurting in depression closed off into her room and in the future me not being there to help her. Very painful and at the same time I know our marriage and a dead. And to top it off, she served me.
@marquiscarter1565
@marquiscarter1565 Жыл бұрын
It still hasn’t gotten better that’s depressing to hear especially when I’m bout to start my divorce
@ericmcdonald7313
@ericmcdonald7313 Жыл бұрын
@@marquiscarter1565 Be strong and don't give in to emotion. Be stoic. they will do every trick in the book to make you feel guilty
@ericmcdonald7313
@ericmcdonald7313 Жыл бұрын
@@georgeargyropoulos5664 The best thing to happen to me is she found another older guy who thinks he hit the jackpot. She has new supply so I haven't heard a word since.....
@marquiscarter1565
@marquiscarter1565 Жыл бұрын
@@ericmcdonald7313 I’m hoping mine will find someone else soon I got a son in the middle of all this trauma!!!
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