Connecting my Personal and Intellectual Experience of Traumatic Stress

[@LyndaDixon-k9s]

DrSyl ... Although you are a Psychiatric Professional, you are also human! You are not! SuperMan! I think it's sooo positive you are very! aware of your inner feelings, positive & negative. Love listening to you. Regards&Gratitudes MsL Melbourne Australia 😔🙏☕️

[@kymlouise]

I’m a retired clinical psychologist & I’ve had professional experience of extremely distressing experiences that had bad outcomes & it definitely takes a lot of processing & skilled clinical supervision to gain perspective & deal with the experience in a healthy way.

[@blazinbeeerookie]

Love your view on helpers as needing help sometimes. I am currently off work as a mental health worker due to the stress and vicarious trauma. I love my job but I found myself deeply depressed and affected by the stories I would hear every day. I realized I had been operating in a “numb” zone and just wasn’t myself anymore. Instead of caring and eager I became overwhelmed and avoidant. Currently trying to heal and hope I can get back to helping soon. Thanks for the beautiful and vulnerable conversation. Love and light to you xo

[@leanneb818]

This describes my journey through trauma whi h I repressedwith drugs.

[@hummingbirdinSoCal]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm a 30+ year critical care nurse (icu/trauma/cardiac/pacu etc) .... not even sure what to say other than THANK YOU for sharing so openly!! Days are really hard sometimes! Thank you again!💛 And yes, I experience a similar "grunt" reaction as well! It's definitely an odd, almost unconscious, 'under my breath' type of low groan vocalization! So glad I'm not the only one! So glad you didn't leave out that part!

[@cyberiad]

I think if the grunt is a release of pent-up energy, it's different from if it's an effort to break off or push the energy away. "Shaking it off" vs. warding it off. I'd ask myself if grunting is a substitute for something else I can't or won't allow myself to do; and is it something I'm hiding while I'm with other people. I have OCD and I have some understanding of ... I'd say embarrassment, but it's humiliation. Being humbled by my own mind and body. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@Grantesq]

Thank you for speaking on the unconscious physical response in PTSD. I had a traumatic event 25 years ago, which left me with a severe head injury resulting in short term memory difficulties, processing issues and a diagnosis of PTSD. As i dont remember the time surrounding the incident, it has been easy to disassociate emotionally and forget the trauma that was associated with it, but occasionally to this day i will experience very intense and disproportionate physical symptoms seemingly 'out of the blue', when any anxiety provoking stimuli arise, even those not associated with said incident. Though it may have been explained to me and i have just forgotten, it is comforting to be reminded that such a symptom exists and is known about and that others experience it and can deal with it effectively. Thank you for the video and your openness in discussing your situation.

[@Kathy-b5r4c]

I found the comments around the grunt response insightful. Made me realize I shudder like an intense skin crawl. PTSD was diagnosed 22 years ago. I now know the condition existed many years before. The dreams are frustrating and endure. Thanks for sharing. Love your videos.

[@BärbelGebers]

My heart goes out to you, Dr. Syl, especially as you let us see your still not completely solved emotional shaky state while recalling the dramatic situation. Thank you so much for having the courage to share your traumatic episode and what it did to you, to show, that everyone, even psychiatrists or other mental health caregiver can experience and develop mental health issues. And also to make it clear, that theoretical knowledge and insight means nothing without making the connection to the emotional aspects caused by ptsd/cptsd-experience... Thanks for giving us hope, that the hurtful emotions might eventually become less hurtful , if we don't supress and avoid them.

[@AllyMcPhee]

In not even 3 minutes in, and this is so good to say; this is not a seeking of supply! This is what I scan for when meeting new people

[@user-ks7qj5dz5c]

Thanks for sharing your experience and showing how human we all are ❤

[@BLThom321]

Thank you for sharing your personal story and feelings. Practicing Qi Gong, you learn sounds associated with the connecting organs and how you can help them clear out negative emotions and build them up with positive feelings. We store so much in our organs. It is very good to release with sounds. Very healing. Wishing you the best. ❤

[@horsnpony365]

Dr. Syl, I’m going to start by saying, I’m proud of you for being vulnerable and sharing (carefully) something that happened in your life that was horrible and beyond your control. I’m so sorry you had such a difficult and stressful experience. Yes, we are all likely to face challenges and with life comes damages to the mind, body and soul, but your trauma is real and valid. Some of my own most effective and empathetic therapists came from some type of traumatic background. I appreciated your comment about your deeper appreciation and empathy for young children who were abused at an age when they had no defense mechanisms (nor I might add, a frame of reference for what was happening.) Experiencing what you did is doubly difficult for people who are conflict / difficult emotion averse. I know because that is my own personality. I grew up within an unpredictable, abusive, and violent environment. I didn’t know any other life except hyper vigilance, extreme sensitivity to other people’s emotions, and controlling my own emotions and situation as much as I could to maintain safety. We left that home and were Dx’d w CPTSD / DID later in life and started decades of therapy. It was so odd to even wrap our head around our “differentness”, we thought what we grew up in was “normal.” What a shock to find out what had happened to us wasn’t typical for outsiders. The flashbacks do get less over time. Though smells, sounds, time of day or season, someone raising their voice, and more, can sometimes trigger a few symptoms or flashbacks that we can work through in our own ways (usually breathing, internal dialogue (it’s not about me; the other person is having a hard time) or even just sitting with a pet, a bit drink and a pencil and paper to let insiders draw or write. We are not “blended.” However, after six decades and multiple providers and therapeutic treatments we are ready to accept that we will always be co-conscious and capable of navigating life in our own way. Grunting. For us grunting was and is, mostly expressed as sighing. Though we likely switched to sighing because our #1 priority for safety is to not attract attention from others. We found it interesting that you were experiencing this build up in the car. Our own experience and thoughts on build ups occurring whilst driving is what we jokingly refer to as a “hijacking.” Driving is such an automatic thing that we all do. It doesn’t take much focus or brain power for us to do it. Driving is the most common place for us to experience internally building up. We truly are avoidant when it comes to extreme emotions. Our own or others. When the old feeling of internal or external pain, being alone, feeling vulnerable, and being out of control those emotions, do manifest as clenching our teeth, clenching the steering wheel, grunting (which I thought was true pain from the knots in my neck, shoulders, back and stomach) and lots and lots of sighing. I have no answers for your process, but for our own relief (and safety) when we get hijacked like that while driving is to use music that fits that mood. You have to love the music enough to sing (belt it out!) along with the music. I believe it is a great way to release the tension, force deeper breathing and stay grounded. We used to practice some pretty awful methods to snap out of that state. Music is a much better tool. We don’t get memory hijacking and intense response anywhere else anymore. In public places it’s more just of a lack of a sense of safety. So in goes one earbud and on goes either music, an audiobook, a podcast…. and lots of checking in and resetting to content that we last remembered hearing. It works. We remain grounded enough to get things done in unsafe (for us) situations. Stress and its fallout is a dance that we navigate and likely always will because of the nature and complexity of our abuse. We went no contact with our relatives after we left home as a young person. That was helpful. I really want to thank you and say that I appreciated you sharing your own experience and perspective on your healing journey. It gives me a glimmer of hope for my own more traumatized parts. I’m doing my own work at this point. I found a good reference book for a newer modality for complex trauma. It is helping me with reaching out to reattach to the ones inside who are still lost. It is something that doesn’t feel dismissive or condescending so it sure beats being stuck in a long freeze response and not knowing why. After interviewing six or seven trauma informed therapists in the past year, we found out why no one has openings for new clients. No interest in working with seniors in the US. Insurance companies deny claims and pay therapists a pittance. The few who would have helped wanted cash payments that were financially out of reach. I don’t blame the profession one bit. Dr. Syl, I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s normal for the body to have these reactions to release the trauma once we are safe. You have all the tools you need within you to heal. You are resilient and surrounded with good people. I’m glad I found your post today. ☮️

[@debbieporter6581]

Thank you for sharing. I hope it helped you in some small way. You do so much to help others. Take care. I'm sorry you had to go thru such a bad experience. 🙏

[@sherrijennings9309]

talking about traum stunting emotional development; my uncle married a lady who was in a serious car accident when she was 16. I was 16 when we first met her, and I remember thinking that she was "as 16 as me" thankyou for sharing and being vulnerable Syl. it's good to let yourself be cared for sometimes when you're usually the one in the caring role

[@MP-bx3uj]

Thank you for sharing about the grunt you experience!! I have diagnosed severe CPTSD and I experience that surge of energy feeling with like the weird release that comes at the end of it. I've never heard anyone talk about it before, so it's really nice to hear you describe it! Thank you!! I hope your healing journey will be gentle and quick

[@RW-dz9ed]

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I experienced a traumatic loss of a loved one almost twenty years ago and every so often something will trigger that memory . I physically shake off the feeling when it arrives. It's a strange experience and it was interesting to hear your experience with the grunt. I hope things continue to improve for you.

[@Paigedh1776]

Thank you so much for sharing. It’s incredibly vulnerable to do period and on the internet, particularly. Your choice to do so speak to your integrity. Not that keeping it personal would not have been of integrity. But it’s just particularly brave of you. I do have C-PTSD (not self diagnosed). It is from childhood trauma and I’m 47. I’d like to thank you for acknowledging the power of trauma to stunt development. I’ve spent my entire life masking, trying to cope, and feeling utterly behind my cohort because of my circumstances including my sensitive nature. Trauma can rob one of so much- for me it’s been time. Please take good care of yourself. Please do the things you know you should to stay on your healing path. I appreciate you and all your work and I admire you for this particular offering. Sending you all the best. ❤

[@catherinejensen1139]

Thank you for sharing such a difficult experience in a gentle, vulnerable and respectful way. Modelling healthy ways of understanding and processing traumatic experiences like this is very important and provides a powerful learning opportunity for your viewers. As someone who works in mental health & lives with mental illness relating to trauma, personal understanding of these experiences and the recovery process becomes incredibly valuable in connecting with the people in our care. Additionally, I too have experienced the impulsive attempt to assist and subsequently (unintentionally) put myself and another person in danger, I was lucky that the outcome was okay but it’s a harsh lesson that stirs up so many emotions. ((Solidarity hugs))

[@tonyburton419]

Respect for sharing this experience, and your honesty. During my now past years 28 years in MHSW in the UK, had a number "traumatic" experiences and can understand your physical and emotional reaction. Thank you for sharing this.

[@maureencunningham9995]

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It was very brave of you to share such personal thoughts and feelings. I hope that you recover and are able to go back and face your trauma in a positive way.

[@leahs.6087]

Dr.Syl! That made me just want to give you a big hug! I am so sorry something like that happened to you. I pray that you find more peace about that horrific situation you found yourself in. If you're not into prayer, I will pray for you because the true God didn't mean for us to suffer so and wants to help us cope now, and fix things permanently in the future. And please do not ever give up in your quest or focus to help in the area of mental health you are meant to help folks like us who struggle. Just listening to your voice is very soothing! You are so articulate and describe things very well, and have the strength of, not a weakness, of empathy. Also its okay to cry every now and then as we heal from things. It sounds like you experienced some shock though, and perhaps the numbness that can freeze up some emotions. Its so good that you can share and explore your feelings and thoughts. Take care and keep up the helpful and compassionate content! Bless you!

[@ceevee3969]

I wanted to thank you for this. It’s humanising. I often thought of my own experiences in getting help, as an exchange with someone that has some kind of superpower or structural power. But… This was a good reminder of the *equalities* we share in the health provider and client /patient exchange. It’s a reminder that we do have shared experiences with the humans around us, and should maybe remember that the power of that knowledge that comes from shared things, offers beneficial connection beyond the text book - these are the things that make the academia be applied in meaningful ways. Thats the power of it - it’s much more productive than any perceived power with think of when we observe and engage with professionals. But not only that - I am currently re-skilling later in life, moving into psychology, and always thought of myself as being a little too ‘broken’ to be of good use to others. This reminded me that the experiences I have had, can actually be of benefit to others too. No matter which way you come at this from, what you shared was important, humanising and empowering. Thank you.

[@ceevee3969]

And sorry for the essay 😊

[@Diana02400]

thank you so much for sharing with us. The reflections on ptsd symptoms, tic disorders, and how the dsm criterias are at the end of the day a group/categorization of symptoms based on “averages of populations.” Super interesting

[@catspyjamas7944]

Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I’ve often reflected on the fact that we so often view human beings as a selfish species, and yet there seems to be something inbuilt that acts automatically to try to save the life of another without regard for our own safety. I think that’s a beautiful thing, which can unfortunately have tragic outcomes, but it is still a redeeming quality and possibly a way you could reframe your own view of your response? Sending love and healing ❤

[@paukahdus]

Thank you for sharing your experience and insights ❤

[@Julie-c8b]

Dr Syl. Thank you very much for sharing your harrowing experience. I believe this is so important and appreciate being vulnerable and sharing. Our body continues in the process even post the traumatic event. Truly fascinating hearing it from your educated perspective. I do hope you are feeling more at peace.

[@user-ks7qj5dz5c]

I found your channel only a few days ago and I love ur content thank you im learning alot..

[@randyjohnson6390]

I hope doing this video helped you in some way. I've learned that there is power in words and just talking about something can prove beneficial. I also find your empathy impressive - which is probably what started the ball rolling on your response.

[@rolledjeansandicedcoffee6632]

I appreciate you sharing your experience with us

[@joshuabates2595]

Thank you for sharing and your insights.

[@MelanieDPerkins]

I'm trying to find a source, but the expelling reminds me of how we need to "complete the cycle" of a traumatic event. It is the one about bears being chased and hit with tranquilizing darts. When they awake, they are in a state where they were before hit. They continue to run and expel that energy and fear response. I've heard that sometimes with PTSD, we get "stuck" in that response. Best wishes to you. Even with so much awareness, this is a good reminder for me that our bodies will still have a reaction to certain memories and stimuli. It isn't about intelligence or knowledge. Our brains do what are brains are made to do.

[@OnMyWaytotheFLA]

I've done that exact same grunt thing in the car when I was going through a very stressful situation last year. The grunting lasted a week or so, but when the stress subsided, it totally went away.

[@deborahbasel184]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@projectpiano5231]

Thanks for your insights and vulnerability. I recently moved out of my parent's house and have been processing my past trauma a lot and wanted to share a phrase that came to mind/came up in journaling about it. "Loss is a sign of need for connection". For me it applies in a lot of ways, I'm just now noticing it could be seen as applying both interpersonally (connecting with other people) and within one's psyche (with dissociation, needing to reconnect with oneself/one's own psyche). Wanted to share. 😊 I haven't finished watching yet but great video so far like always.

[@vadimzaytsev2660]

I have felt a strong desire to make a frustrated noise and maybe some small jerky movement, like I'm shaking something off, when deeply ruminating on socially embarrassing situations. Totally voluntary, not overwhelming, but it definitely bubbled up into something physical.

[@jackiebilleci6559]

I'd love to hear more about the function of "grunting" or what I have observed in clients experiencing post traumatic symptoms, "growling". Could this be the body enacting vagus nerve stimulation?

[@katzrantz]

That looked like a tough video to make. I'm going for my first EMDR session in a few days, I'm kinda nervous about it, cos I know I'm gonna have to think about things I'd really rather not even be conscious of, but if I don't, there's no telling when those things are gonna jump scare me again,

[@josephinegeoghegan2913]

Sorry to hear what happened. Feeling more impulsive than you want to be is not fun, it's frightening and you might have very little to no control over it. But then the brain goes into crimescene investigation mode. I don't think this is just with trauma, it can be in any context where you feel that way. Obviously, with trauma it is particularly disruptive.

[@skyler8209]

Hi Dr Syl Thank you for this and all your time sharing these insights. I developed a grunt more like a small groan after a SA incident at age 7 yrs still do it 50 yrs on its momentary but helps a bit. I view it as a mind/body response to pain. Ive wondered if humans automatically do a breath response when pain comes even if its mental because it brings some relief.

[@michaelakuhrt9527]

Everytime I speak about my Trauma , my knees are shaking and my Voice shaked a Bit . This is scary because it is over 20 years ago . Ptbs 🙈

[@projectpiano5231]

I have a similar thing with grunting that started after a traumatic event but it looks more like OCD (checking, counting, pure-O, ...). I also bite myself a lot (nails, cheeks, tips of fingers, teeth grinding). I wonder if grunting could be seen as a form of body focused repetitive behavior. One of the OCD-like behaviors is counting to a certain number sucking air in. I kind of wonder if that relates to periaqueductal gray because it's involved in vocalization, anger, and respiration, which the traumatic event involved all of. Edit: Saying OCD-like because I'm not diagnosed with OCD.

[@florag8358]

Yes, very good explanation. And imagine going through those intense traumatic experiences since early childhood. Where another horrific, traumatic event occurs before the last one has had a chance to dissolve. Eventually your whole body turns into one raw nerve because the brain and nervous system is completely wrecked by the time adulthood arrives. I find myself grunting. Its relaxing like it thaws my nervous system when it feels frozen up and is hurting my body. Its very difficult to explain and live with. Nobody gets it. Current descriptions of ptsd makes trauma sufferers all sound like drug addicts with low self esteem who can't deal with relationships or keep a job. This does not give us any sympathy and is not helpful.

[@florag8358]

and lets not forget the major depression it brings on. Where you literally, and I mean literally become death on legs. Where your brain is so shut down in survival mode that it wont let you read or write or prepare a meal with more than one ingredient. That one's a doozy.

[@goldmedicine]

I had a traumatic experience on my first day of psychiatry as a medical student (IPU). I only understand after watching your video, that the incident was indeed traumatic for me. It was jarring, destressing and grew anxiety within to pursue psychiatry (something I had previously committed to). I'm non-confrontational by nature and having this encounter on day 1 painted a skewed picture of psychiatry. I have since been reassured that not all psychiatry will be like this (i.e. significantly confrontational). My question: would you advise against entering psychiatry if you're confrontational adverse, or do you see it as a gift as it helps you better assess risk. Perhaps this is something that can be learnt to improve? No pressure to respond - really enjoy the content. Keep it up.

[@DrSyl]

This is an excellent question... Is it ok if I make a video to respond to your comment?

[@goldmedicine]

@@DrSyl absolutely! I'd love to hear your thoughts. I want to purse psych, but my anxiety concerning confrontation is making me hesitant. Perhaps the answer lies somewhere in between and challenging myself to overcome this anxiety could be deeply maturing! Looking forward to it

[@Heather-p3k]

Sounds like the thought of the trauma triggered a stress response , the grunt , and ocd response?

[@michaelakuhrt9527]

Hey . I can Imagine what happened . Don‘t be so hard to yourself , you are human ! Human react because of their strong emotions . Yes you work there , but you are Not a Robot and you were in Panik . You seem so sad and ashamed. You can‘t help everybody sadly. You did your best . Next time you will be better prepared . I Hope you will heal from this Trauma 🍀

[@Wendy-bd9zu]

I think de video itself would not trigger but a trigger warning DOES!

[@leanneb818]

Do you feel a better understanding with you patients

[@The_Soggy_Moggy]

I click at the back of my throat constantly when I'm ruminating or catastrophising. I have bipolar, BPD and ADHD. I've had it since before antipsychotics so I don't think it's tardive dyskinesia. I also can't help but mimic the tics of other people when I see them. Its totally out of my control and I can't help but do it. I can't be around or watch videos of people with tourettes otherwise I pick everything up.

[@Ehecatl1111]

Eleventh!