Dutch People are Rude: Why I Love them for it

I've been living with a couple Dutch guys for 2 months, their "Rudeness" has changed a lot about my perspective. In this video I dive into Dutch culture and explain why I love that people from the Netherlands are so Direct.

[@boldvankaalen3896]

From a Dutch perspective foreign indirectness is just confusing, inefficient, and a waste of brainpower. Some examples: UK: Boss: "I suggest that..." actual meaning: "I order you to.." "Interesting perspective" actual meaning: "You are talking nonsense and I will ignore what you say" "We'll contact you" actual meaning: "you will never hear from us again" "I was a bit disappointed that.." actual meaning: "I am actually very annoyed about.." "that is a very brave proposal " actual meaning "that is a totally impossible and insane plan" US: "excellent" actual meaning: "just acceptable" "you must drop by sometime " actual meaning: "If you actually do that I will not remember who you are" "this will change your life" actual meaning: "might make some minor aspect of your life slightly more convenient" "amazing" actual meaning: "slightly above average" "How are you?" actual meaning: "not really interested in how you are, I am just greeting you" Language becomes a tool to hide meaning instead of conveying it.

[@Ronnet]

That holds true for many Europeans as well like the French, Italians, Spanish, etc. Only our German and Scandinavian brothers seem to like our directness. In fact, those Danish are some of the most direct SOBs out there, they even hurt my Dutch sensibilities sometimes 😅

[@janetfay-sq8es]

U S always think they better than everyone

[@InvisibleSilentStorm]

Interesting perspective

[@IceKroontje]

The real meaning of "you must drop by sometime" is crazy to me !! 🤯

[@samipso]

That's just dutchplaining though. Different cultures convey different things with different language. A word only has one meaning, but a sentence can have multiple depending on cultural influences. People calling dutch directness rude also suffer from the same problem. They fail to put things in context, and find it, read: confusing, inefficient, and a waste of brainpower. Instead of failing to understand, people should evaluate the context first instead of thinking there's only one "correct" (polite/rude) way.

[@tillylovesholland1161]

Being honest isnt rude, Lying to People is

[@iriviking774]

Yeah, Americans just act friendly while being a dick behind your back. We just tell it like we see it!

[@martiendejong8857]

Exactly.

[@ClintInDaHouse]

100%

[@marilynlucero9363]

That's how I think about it too.

[@presidentdonaldbump150]

Being honest can be rude. And thats okay!

[@Lala-kh3sp]

Not rude. Direct and clear.

[@robertneven7563]

Directly?and clear ?a bigg mounth and now respect whe you notice a Dutch in another country thye think they are above the law every where

[@Lala-kh3sp]

@@robertneven7563 not true. not in my experience. Or in my family’s who are from a different country. Never seen nor heard of that ever.

[@pieternoordenbos]

You should work on your spelling. @@robertneven7563 You know what's really rude? To lie to people and then think that you have been polite.

[@user-lg7qq8dc2y]

It's not direct, it's very bad manners

[@Lala-kh3sp]

@@user-lg7qq8dc2y it’s not it’s our culture to be direct and clear. Everybody can know that if they live here.

[@ronaldvb3663]

Telling someone his hair looks great, while you think it’s not is the rude thing to do!

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Especially where girls are involved.

[@primavent1]

Yeah, other people see it and make fun of it, secretly of course.

[@kaydesign]

True! Sugarcoating is considered not respectful in the Netherlands. Very funny 🇳🇱😅

[@Andreyas-ou7fq]

It's not funny. It's normal.

[@apexaviour]

@@Andreyas-ou7fq it is gek genoeg

[@Andreyas-ou7fq]

@@apexaviour Ja dat is normaal. Eerlijkheid duurt het langst. Je moet het alleen WEL op een respectvollemanier zeggen. Sugarcoating is dishonest and not that nice in my opinion but critique has to be given respectfully to

[@lovealegria]

Sugarcoating is a sign of being insecure. You are terrified of hurting someones feelings but how will you know you won't hurt them anyway? Also most people don't filter a conversation so most of what you tell them is condensed to some keywords that they remember. If you tell them an entire fairytale when a limerick would have done the trick, most of the fairytale won't be retained. In other words, a waste of time.

[@Turnil321]

You not made out of sugar

[@hutselfrutsel3897]

Once an Irish guy was telling me a story of him trying to get rid of a guy that stayed the night after a party. It took him 2 days of beating round the bush to get him outta his place. For me as a Dutch it was so weird. I would just tell him to get out next morning

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Zeer juist.

[@kikik6996]

😂😂😂

[@StMargorach]

Ye, that's simple " dude, gtfo of my house! I'll cu in the weekend buddy!" Be everything is fine 😂

[@DaveR187]

We aren't rude, we are direct, we don't run around the bush, we cut through it.

[@zur6kousthecube221]

Facts 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

[@damianflanagan7359]

In English we say don’t beat around the bush…not run.. Just FYI

[@cebruthius]

@@damianflanagan7359Next video: Dutch people think they speak English but they aren't quite there :D

[@nielsoudegriep2900]

@@cebruthius Next video: Arrogant american clowns Dutch people for nearly speaking perfect english and making minor mistakes eventho said american can't pronounce a single dutch sentence.

[@SKU377]

Are you guys willing to accept the directness of others towards you, too?

[@jgbw6467]

They are not rude. They are direct. Don't mistake the two. I'm British and live on the Netherlands for 18 years. I like their direct manner. You know where you stand.

[@sneezyfido]

In his case, back at Schiphol 😂

[@MeMM00]

direct = rude the same way truth hurts and if you say things that are true you're not being socially politically tactical aka rude

[@shockwave826]

Lying=rude​@@MeMM00

[@MeMM00]

@@shockwave826 true, but you have autism

[@sneezyfido]

@@MeMM00 that's you pushing your cultural perspective on others. Let's take a common example: You and your friend are going to a party. They went through the effort to put on nice clothes, but their figure evolved since they bought it, and right now it looks poorly on them. You know that it's a topic they prefer to push aside. Do you tell them, or politely hold your tongue and hope that the gossip won't be too harsh? By Dutch standards, it's rude to let that happen.

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

When you ask about the hair, a Dutch person will see it as you asking if you won't be embarrassed going out in public looking like that. So the answer will be honest because it is intended as helpful advice, not a mean-spirited comment. Same for everything else. Also, most of us don't see the point of constantly comparing yourself to others.

[@Peacefrogg]

If you don’t want an answer, don’t ask the question. And yes, you are you, don’t compare yourself to others, there is no need to.

[@eugene__eugene]

Well... That is except if your partner asks "does this dress make me fat?" Then also dutch will always say 'no' instead of 'yes' or 'you already were' or 'even worse than normal' 🤣

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

@eugene__eugene Nah, we'll tell them yep, try that other one, you look awesome in that.

[@profiler4772]

We Dutch really hate it when a waitress comes to your table in the US who is clearly disinterested, tired, and overworked but nevertheless has to enquire, "How are you today?" To be followed by an impatient pen tapping against her notebook. When you ask her politely how she is herself, she does not bother to answer but interrupts by asking "What can I get you guys?". And then we, Dutch are considered RUDE????????? On top, we are expected to pay a tip of 20% for this insincere type of behaviour. We really like people to be straightforward. What you see is what you get.

[@Dharengo]

Don't tip. If they aren't getting a living wage they shouldn't be working there.

[@profiler4772]

@@Dharengo In the US, not many people have a choice but to work 2 or 3 jobs just to survive.

[@Dharengo]

@@profiler4772 That's not the customer's fault. They should not be responsible for the waiting people's financial wellbeing. Also go find the one job that pays well instead of just accepting the three jobs that pay like ass.

[@profiler4772]

@@Dharengo No I agree, in Europe, the waiters usually get a decent wage, so tips are additional rewards for services rendered. How come you think that well-paying jobs are easily available? Besides the private circumstances may dictate to work multiple jobs.

[@Dharengo]

@@profiler4772 Well, because of how the market works. If people didn't accept the shit jobs, there would be no shit jobs.

[@yvonnedekroes1520]

We grow up with the saying: soft healers give stinking wounds.

[@dracodarastrix4175]

Well let make an example here about our directness as a Dutch person myself I noticed your line isn't entirely correct. The correct way would be. Soft healers give smelling wounds. It wasn't entirely wrong tough, English does have the word stink but they wouldn't use it in this contents. Dutch would use the word stink but English would use the word smell, if something smells bad. The word stink is more used as curse word for example, "You stink!" or putting it in serious negative way, for example. "That idea of yours? It stinks." Don't feel bad though, I also make lots of mistakes like yours above. 😉

[@ProYada]

@@dracodarastrix4175 Oh the irony. Yvonne is more correct. Smell can be any smell. The smell of roses, the smell of shit, the smell of strawberries. Stink is a clearly defined odour and more correct in this translation since it implies something is off about the smell: it stinks because the wound is infected. It is infected because the soft healer wasn't thorough enough to remove all the rotting tissue and thus it got infected. Aside from that you use smelling. Which technically is grammatically correct but doesn't properly convey the meaning of the saying. It leaves the problem rather ambiguous. Do the wounds smell like roses? Probably not since it's implied soft healers are not good because they're not thorough enough in cleaning a wound. You could use smell but then you'd have to add an adjective like: The wounds give off a Foul Smell, to make clear something is likely amiss. In your sentence the wounds could even be implied to be doing the smelling, wounds that can smell an odour. You could use Smelly because it's an adjective. What type of wound: it's a smelly wound. Also: contents = context.

[@forestdweller5581]

A proper translation would be more like: ' Wimpy doctors leave behind festering wounds'

[@mariussielcken]

​@@dracodarastrix4175the correct word is 'stinky'

[@hdebard]

not negative feedback, just honest feedback

[@apexaviour]

He's referencing the terminology from The Culture Map (great book btw). North Americans have zero problem giving honest feedback as long as it's positive, they are happy to give truthful compliments. Their culture is also very direct in almost every aspect _except_ when it comes to giving negative feedback. This is where the difference lies since over-all, Dutch culture is not more direct than American, only in this aspect. So negative/positive feedback can be honest, just the Dutch are more open to being honest with negative feedback.

[@Thunterise]

Honest feedback can be negative, now you're just being pedantic.

[@FatalPapercutz]

Wait a minute??? 0:01 "I live with 2 Dutch guys, and they are really rude" 0:04 *Enters bedroom without knocking*???

[@dutchprogamer8021]

Well how else is he supposed to get out the bathroom

[@peaNutenjoyer]

skit

[@marcelrenes2435]

Yes, we are direct, sometimes people say it's rude. But we value honesty above this 'laugh in your face and backstabbing you' at the same time. For example: If you want Dutchie get really mad: say to him that you like him but tell your friends or co-workers that he smells badly. He or she will find out and then you have a BIG problem.

[@TheEvertw]

Exactly. And the problem isn't that you told others that he smells bad, it is that you lied to his face. That is more important to him than talking behind his back. In his mind, by lying to his face, you did not give him the opportunity to do something about his hygiene.

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

I think it is ingrained in our Calvinistic nature. Being honest is n° 1.

[@ThatNiceDutchGuy]

Bonus tip: There is a good chance that you have just lost several Dutch contacts. Because you just proved to them that you are dishonest and untrustworthy. Words do have meaning! Trust comes slowly and is fragile.

[@rubenjanssen8491]

jup the problem wil be not telling the Dutchie. @@TheEvertw

[@vidtuby]

I love the Dutch! I lived in the Netherlands extensively. They're very international. As a foreigner, they treated me well. I had a Dutch girlfriend, and the family loved me as their own. If you plan to move there, 'Leer Nederlands'---learn Dutch. Trust me, you'll enjoy living there more and appreciate Dutch culture!

[@raineblackstar3522]

My best friend is planning to move here so I've been teaching them the language here and there. They know some local cuss words and insult and know not to translate it. {Never trust google translate with dutch insults and cuss words.}

[@Sjenkrider]

​@@raineblackstar3522 dutch insults/curses are super simple. You just take the exact translation of the most horrible diseases and you simply wish them upon whomever it is you're insulting.

[@raineblackstar3522]

@@Sjenkrider yeah no don't use diseases as insults. There's only a few who do and those usually hang with the degenerates of my own generation.

[@Djbiohazard1991]

@@Sjenkridercombine them with specific male/female anatomy though.

[@user-rb5nj5kn4o]

we use the most random diseases for cuss words

[@profikid]

Dutchy here, I had a gym teacher which never gave 10/10 because it didn’t really exists in a high school gym…

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Fucking team sports!

[@NeenaVos]

Same

[@RalphVB]

Which is retarded to say the least as you have to base the grade of of the level a subject is being done at. Not at the professional spectrum of the matter. I mean, then we'd all fail high school since we'd be getting exams at an academic level lol.

[@StMargorach]

10 out of 10 doesn't exist in an analog test/review. I agree with him as a Dutch person and a teacher XD

[@dariussonofjazzlin7433]

I'd argue a 10 is possible if you have a clearly defined goal for the student that is manageable to reach, which the student then proceeds to exceed.

[@Ronnet]

I think not being honest and clear (direct) is rude. Then again, I'm Dutch so I suppose being deceitful and ambiguous is better for some people made out of sugar (Dutch saying for those afraid of the rain).

[@TvTToasted]

goed

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

I always say I am not made of sugar when people ask if I can handle a situation. The rain is figuratively. Sorry, being very Dutch here 😊

[@user-rb5nj5kn4o]

dat zegt mijn moeder vaak!

[@TIEfichter]

We also expect directness from each other. One time I found a huge zit on my face while I was around a friend all day. I was genuinely annoyed that he didn't tell me. While I assume most other cultures would just avoid the topic all together. Turns out he didn't notice...

[@jve89]

Dude is clearly from the south of the Netherlands 😅

[@Klaasje1982]

That´s kind of rude :)

[@MsMeyara]

I can tell you that as a high sensitive perrson, our directness ain't always fun for us either, but it does help you be better and becone better

[@Klaasje1982]

And as one Dutch person to another I would say : Maybe emigrate then?

[@swampertdeck]

I’m direct even for a Dutch person. People sometimes like that, and sometimes they don’t. It’s mostly about being ckear and efficient. There’s a difference between being honest and rude, and being honest and helpful. If you’re just being rude, then you’re a just a jerk. You can also be indirect/polite and still being helpful. But you must make sure the other person still understands what you mean. If you’re not clear, it’s basically the same as lying. Which is a rude thing in the Netherlands and most places.

[@Dennis0824]

It seems to be a matter of interpretation. Sometimes when I am being direct I am told they don't like my tone when I am just being matter of fact. Then they tell me I don't know how to communicate. It is very confusing.

[@Edwinschuur]

Rudeness has to do with how you say it. Asking someone: are you alright because you look very pale today is direct but friendly. When you know someone's in a bad state of depression and has lack of sleep and you tell them: you look like shit today that's rude.

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

It is more a code of conduct. Every (micro) culture has its own unwritten rules. Our family can be perceived as quite rude, we tell it like it is. That also means no simmering conflicts, because we can quarrel, but it is short and intense. And after that life goes on like sunshine after an thunderstorm. But I admit it can be daunting to bring a prospective partner home. Sometimes they think the family really doesn't like them, while we are just making a little banter. That's micro-culture.

[@Dennis0824]

I find that very confusing. I wish that the rules were more clear.

[@Edwinschuur]

@@Dennis0824 Lets make it Black and White. You are with 2 friends. Janice and Mary. Mary asks am I fat? Being direct you could say: if I'm honest you're not fat but also not very slim but if you would work out you could improve. Rude would be, no you're not fat. Look at Janice she is fat.

[@laujulius3999]

I worked in the construction industry back in my country. I communicate with Dutch people as if they are all construction workers despite their statues and education level. It works pretty well for me.

[@hamster4618]

😂

[@PieterPatrick]

You're pretty close. lol

[@boldvankaalen3896]

On a building site communication has to be clear, efficient and direct. There is no room for polite indirect phrases when you are gesturing towards a crane operator so they can place a multi-tonne beam on exactly the right spot. So what you are saying is actually a compliment to the Dutch.

[@laujulius3999]

@@boldvankaalen3896 Yes, I know what I am talking. I said I worked in the field anyway. Of course it's a compliment unless you look down on construction workers.

[@Peacefrogg]

This. To the dutch it’s important to remember that we are equals. Status, education, age or money does not make you a better person. Speak your mind. stand up for yourself, just don’t be insulting or hurtful.

[@r8gingbull]

"Rude" and "direct" aren't directly combined into one term in most contexts. They describe similar but slightly different ways of communicating: Rude: This implies a lack of courtesy or consideration for the other person's feelings. It can involve harsh words, interrupting, or dismissive behavior. Direct: This means being straightforward and to the point. While directness can sometimes come across as blunt, it doesn't necessarily have negative connotations like rudeness does. Here's the key difference: Rude Directness: This is when someone is blunt in a way that's hurtful or disrespectful. For example, interrupting someone to say, "That's a terrible idea!" is both rude and direct. Honest Directness: This is when someone communicates clearly and concisely without being mean. For example, saying, "I appreciate your suggestion, but I think this approach might be more effective" is direct and honest. I have been in Usa but fakeness is high

[@TheJH1015]

no, "That's a terrible idea" is NOT rude. It is direct. Saying "Only an idiot would come up with an idea as bad as this" IS rude. VERY rude.The former simply states that an idea is really really bad. The latter is rude because it's also a personal attack on whoever proposed the idea.

[@asterosthegreat8587]

Your Honest Directness is not direct. If a idea is bad you call the idea bad. Not a decent suggestion but here is a idea I think might work better. You are beating around the bush in that one.

[@thatsleepyman]

It's not 'rudeness' it's directness.

[@Thitadhammo]

Nice explanation of a cultural difference. You're also neatly describing part of the autistic experience. We're not normally told other people think we're rude or weird, at least not directly or using reasons that could be discussed. They just drop you, a lot of the time. Directness is a life line to me.

[@Pelerincha]

If you're a snowflake don't come to Holland....Dutch soccer coaches when getting a job in Southern Europe or like in Spain are told not to be too critical to a player because it upset his masculine ego....If the pass made sucked...it sucked!!!...It's not "nice try", better next time"!!!

[@jaspermooren5883]

Also as a coach you literally get paid to be critical, if you can't take some criticism as a professional footballer player, maybe don't be a professional football player...

[@johnnyvanderhelm4414]

My father is from the Netherlands and sometimes I have a bit of Dutch directness, when I was growing up. But I realised later that it was nothing personal it was the Dutch way. When I met my relatives for the first time there was a bit of directness I accepted it, all good no dramas. People are bloody sensitive and get offended when something is said. And being too polite is unnecessary in some situations. I love my Dutch heritage and culture, they tell you straight and no mucking around. GROW SOME BALLS MATE!!!😊

[@hrenes]

Thank you for your insight in our behaviour :) Wish I knew that 20 y ago, would've saved me lots of explaining!!

[@reznovvazileski3193]

I mean I'm autistic so I fkin love growing up in this say it as it is culture. I hardly have to wonder what people are saying behind my back because they'll tell me to my face and then I know what's up and what I can do about it. Backhanded compliments or sugarcoating I am very likely to just take at face value, keep going, after 3-4 months you might snap at last and all of a sudden I get a load I never knew was even building all that time to begin with. Then I go on wondering about every other interaction I've ever had with you trying to figure out if I've missed anything else which is stressful as hell. It's just unfair for the both of us that way so I much prefer just being told and risk feeling a little bad on the spot. I used to even give actual status updates whenever people asked me how I'm doing. Like they asked so that's what you're supposed to do right? Well yea apparently nobody actually gives a crap they just want to sound nice not actually be nice :') Idk that one still isn't clicking for me personally. It's like going to a homeless guy asking him if he wants 10 bucks and then just not giving it to him if he takes you up on the offer. Nice idea but if you're not willing to execute on it then what's the point of initiating it?

[@Rose-Dew]

Exactly this 😄

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

My ex has the same. He is Belgian, and they are also quite careful and unclear. He liked my Dutch directness.

[@laateenreactieachter]

Dont get an office job

[@TheTravelerK]

Derek i just wanted to say you have a very lekker accentje hoor. And also being honest is a blessing never forget that :). I honestly dont even understand people when they are indirect because 9/10 times i look at them and say: what do you mean by that? and then the ice falls, just be honest and spread love and passion

[@Illyrian_Adventures]

Honesty is a virtue in a world full of lies, filters and fakeness.

[@ghostleopard570]

I'm Dutch as well and i can state easily... that the directness and genuine honesty will get people much further in achieving goals in life then having lots of people who are capable of sugar-coat stuff and conceal the truth for you.... the truth can be a very bitter pill at first but you will get accustomed by it and will appreciate it for in the long run as well.... It's like taking the red pill instead of the blue one....

[@laateenreactieachter]

What kind of job do you have?

[@gabrielpreda9544]

The good thing with directness is that you know they don't say more than they mean. If they say you did something slightly wrong, you know you did something slightly wrong. Whereas with indirect people you have to guess how wrong you were. You might start to think you did something horrible when that was not the intent.

[@Angelmndy]

I needed this clip to be longer...

[@lenalie8248]

I was at a party once and there was a 1 hear old trashing everything and hitting people, his american parents just stood there and did nothing. Then a Dutch kid, who was like 3 years old just walked in and really loudly said: That boy is shit

[@tinekespa1190]

We are direct, true. But i like it that we just are telling the true. I would not feel good when people are not honest.

[@lepsko_Bread]

I am dutch myself and I feel pain from it but I also do get it. I myself as a Dutch person am not rude I can say that. I try to help people and am very fun to talk too and I don't like to be disliked and I also don't want to be rude myself. Even though other people in the Netherlands do rude to me sometimes, I still try to be positive everyday and make more friends and be kind to other people in hope that they will kind to me too

[@merelha5930]

Just wanted to add that while we're definitely direct (and can be downright rude if people aren't fluent in the language they're using), it's a bit more nuanced, in Dutch anyways. In Dutch we have these beautiful little words called modal particles. I don't think English has them, at the very least not on the level languages like Dutch do (I know German uses them and I think Indonesian too? There are more languages). Modal particles are used to show the emotion/intention behind what you're saying, a bit like tone I suppose. I think we have at least 15 and they can (and will be) combined to specify even further. The problem with this is that they can't really be translated, or at the very least, not without the sentence ending up sounding really weird. So people end up with either short and _very_ direct sentences or with really long ones with unnecessary words in an attempt to convey the intention behind it (from what I've noticed anyways, it's also why translations often don't feel 'right' even if they technically are). I'll try giving some examples/uses, but it's not always very precise and there hasn't been a whole lot of research on it (not for as far as I could find anyways), so please don't go correcting me on nuances/my examples unless I'm completely wrong (which I might be because everything sounds wrong after a while). Some examples of modal particles are (with direct translation and at least one use); even (momentarily/for a short period, used when something is a small request/task and/or makes the sentence more friendly), misschien (maybe, used when requesting/asking for something, depending on the use it can be pretty polite), nou (now, it shows you're annoyed/irritated, pretty much always after something has been going on for a while) and soms (sometimes, used to make a question stronger, you actually want to know the answer and only used in yes/no questions). Like I said, there are more and they can be combined to make the intention behind your statement even clearer. There is a bit of an order to it, you can't just use them in whatever order you like, but you can combine pretty much all of them I think. 'Mag ik u wat vragen?', 'mag ik u misschien wat vragen?' and 'mag ik u misschien even wat vragen?' could all be translated to 'can I ask you something?' (polite you), but they're all different levels of politeness (the politest way would probably be 'zou ik u soms misschien even wat mogen vragen?', but that doesn't work too well for the example). If a Dutch native speaker would try to translate this to English they'd probably either say 'Can I ask you something?' or would try to convey the level of politeness by adding words 'can I maybe ask you something please?' (not saying that that's how everyone would actually do it, just an example). If someone has been letting you wait for a while and you're starting to get annoyed with them, but you're still being polite you could say something like 'mag ik u nou misschien even wat vragen?'. If you've waiting for a bit and are annoyed and think the other person is being unreasonable/making it way harder than necessary you might say 'mag ik u nou misschien gewoon even wat vragen?' (gewoon translates to normal/usual, it's used to show that something is the simplest/most logical option or to put emphasis on something). This was way more text than anticipated and I think I fried my brain trying to figure out what the right orders are, but I personally find it interesting and hope others do too.

[@laateenreactieachter]

Yes

[@Klaasje1982]

I am Dutch and I spent a whole summer in New York when I was 21. It was only later in life when I learned more about Dutch Directness that I began to understand all the shocked faces and confused sometimes crying people that summer.

[@Klaasje1982]

I was doing a film-course with multiple students. I still don't understand why you wouldn't just tell somebody that their short movie sucks and that they are never gonna make it as a director. What else are you supposed to say?

[@Thetravelingmindshow]

Yes! It’s so normal for us Dutch people that we just do not realize how we are different compared to other cultures! So interesting! Thankyou for sharing :)

[@Siranoxz]

Lol, heel goed!!!.

[@Sweetie.21]

I’d say I’m more direct, not rude. Like for example if a friend asks how their hair or makeup looks, I’ll be honest, but I won’t said it looks like shit, that’s just unnecessarily rude. The worst I’ll ever say is that it looks bad and suggest a way to fix it together. I’ll say things like ‘It looks good, but maybe you should do/add x to make it look even better’, ‘Your lipstick is a little outside the lines’, ‘Your eyeliner is uneven’, or ‘It looks bad, but if we do x and y, we can fix it/make it look better’. If I really don’t like something, but I see it makes them happy, I’ll say it’s not my cup of tea, maybe suggest to tone it down a bit if I think it’s really bad. In short, if they want on honest opinion (in a bad situation) = be truthful that it looks bad and suggest how to fix it (think smudged mascara, or a bad hair day). If they want advice = be truthful and give any advice to improve their look if necessary. If they look good already, compliment them and say they look perfect, no improvements needed. I like being direct, but not being unnecessary rude. I do like banter with friends, but only unprompted, not if they ask how something looks on them. To me that’s no time to be rude, mean or belittling. Being direct without being mean about it is key. I don’t like to unnecessarily hurt my friends, I’d rather comfort them if they look bad, while still being truthful and offering solutions. It’s more gentle, but still not sugarcoating it because you still tell them it looks bad. Over the top sarcasm/insults might work too (like saying their hair looks like a bird nest that got dragged through mud), but you will have to know for sure if that friend will be cheered up by ridiculous comparisons beforehand. Last thing you want is them taking it to heart and make them feel even worse. I know most of my friends don’t appreciate that, they want gentle, but direct honesty with advice, so I give them that instead.

[@daniels_vip]

Im dutch and I dont Understand why I have to Lie when I can speek the Truth in the netherlands we have a saying that says honesty lasts the longest and now my Question why are people Lying to give someone a good feeling when it is not true I wil that people speek the truth to me to

[@apexaviour]

Good question! I wouldn't say it's lying, rather an attempt to create comfort and preserve harmony. That becomes the "normal" then in other societies. In NL you are taught to see negative feedback as not personal, and you're exposed frequently to it. Imagine if you're from a culture where that doesn't happen... that honesty can be perceived as a personal attack.

[@daniels_vip]

​@@apexaviouryour Right I understand it I never look it like that why I think your broke my dutch rudenes now😂 thanks for the good explanation🤝

[@Iflie]

@@apexaviour Yeah americans do that a lot and it makes them less mature but also it makes me feel like they are used to people not actually being good people. Like they really expect that attack just because a person doesn't like their dress. "You don't like my dress so what you mean is you don't like me and want to be mean because of that" While I think dutch people are in fact usually pretty nice, sometimes especially when they are insulting as that can be a lead in to friendship. They think you can take it.

[@springjordy310]

Good video and fijne dag verder.

[@HarmvanderWilt]

Well, we do this with friends and people we know well. Especially guys give each other shit haha. But there are also a lot of indirect Dutch people. Its also different from region to region, like north vs south

[@aesir277]

i wouldnt say north vs south, im from the randstad region who vacationed alot in drenthe and not alot of differences in an approach to conversation, id say it is more a difference of lifestyle, randstad is fast paced and little time. drenthe is the farmers mentality and efficiency. then there are places like utrecht with its universities and such that differ far more from both of these examples.

[@eugene__eugene]

If rude is what is internationally meant by telling the unpolished truth, then I guess I should add that to my list of (unexpected) strengths. Those are the ideal things to mention whenever they ask the wornout question "give me two strengths and two weaknesses" in a job interview.

[@bjornbdr]

We are direct, not rude. To many country's sugarcoat it and are not fair.

[@joanne1114]

Rude is when you’re being unpleasant without a reason. Not when you’re just confirming someone’s own observation or answering a direct question in an honest way. If you can’t stomach feedback, don’t ask (or fish) for feedback.

[@faisal900]

3:20 This reminds me of my exprerience coming from a country that rewards good work on assignments with a 10/10 at school, I was shocked and angry when I came to the Netherlands and started seeing that my work is being rewarded with an 8/10 max! My teacher then said, here a 10 is for God, a 9 is for the teacher and the rest is for the students 😅😅

[@Siranoxz]

You learn from rudeness-directness over softness.

[@davidvandersterre]

Ignoring and trying to avoid conflict is pretty much comparable to lying. Having people in your life to tell you the truth gives you more clarity on your 'situation'.

[@yume_artsy]

As a dutch people i have a really hard time being direct since Im not that confident in myself to speak up (towards friends im way more direct that I’d normally be, but it depends on who im talking to) I always try to be polite

[@laateenreactieachter]

First of all its "as a dutch person"... and most the people in the comments are lying anyway... if you really think about it there are MANY times a dutch person was not honest with you i dont even know where this 'stereotype' come from

[@marijnschotsman5122]

I do agree that i also try to just be direct. I dont want to sugercoat things. I Like to be truthfull and give people a straight answer.

[@HansvanOostende]

We are honest and not hypocrites

[@Fujikawa-hw6ij]

Iam a Dutch men, well seeing this, I would say we are just clear and honest. Why avoid the honest truth.

[@laateenreactieachter]

As someone living in the netherlands for 25 years, I still have to meet these 'direct' people

[@comedit2]

You confuse rudeness with honesty, but happy to see that you fully understand the way it works and you appreciate it

[@DiRtYLaWs2007]

It is only considered rude if you give an opinion without being asked for it first. It’s not rude at all, but expect an honest and direct Dutch answer ❤

[@daphneschuring5810]

we are direct

[@Lmb_kun]

It's like I always say: it's not rude, it's the truth.

[@ThatNiceDutchGuy]

We are not rude. We answer the question in a language that is foreign to us to the best of our knowledge without taking the piss out of anyone. We generally answer the question in a direct manner. No sugar coating, no wasting time. Our culture is primarily focused on collaboration and much less on individual competition. We also do not see a negative reaction as an attack on the person. To get an optimal team, it is vital to know everyone's strengths and weaknesses. Trust is of course also very important in a team. By being honest you can build trust. Then you can grow or survive. Beating around the bush is sometimes very dangerous and always a waste of time.

[@KMCDM]

@2:40 Derek is de (steenkolen) stonecole English man. Lekker man ouwe smeerpijp!

[@nickvantunen1568]

Reminds me of an event I went to last year, an Indian coworker joined the conversation and within 10 seconds I told him his jacket was buttoned wrong and how to do it properly. Never saw him before. It looked weird, so in my mind I was just helping the guy out. A bit later I realized how incredibly Dutch I was being and how it definitely could have been perceived as rude 😅 sorry dude! He did look better afterwards though

[@Ramon609]

Dutch person here.. the reason why i don't like how people in the US sugarcoat things to the point of being at risk of type 2 diabetes is because of the already mentioned disingenuous and deceitful feeling but to me it also brings annoyance because i prefer to say things how it is just don't beat around the bush but go straight through it i'll just end up sighing and tell you with an annoyed tone to just get to the point already and say what you have to say.. i also do not see this as being rude at all whether there is positive or negative feedback and/or criticism as long as you keep it respectful and you can actually do something with said feedback and/or criticism it should be fine (at least in my eyes)

[@werderwer-jo9cm]

Dutch people are not rude at all. Direct compared to other countries yes. But most are not rude at all.

[@littleslaughters8037]

Love this video

[@michaelg3395]

You are spot on , on this one, be honest!

[@nowandrew4442]

Basically our friends are people we expect to give us the truth. We value them because they are honest with us. In Holland they made it a national thing. 👍

[@Dennis0824]

I beg to differ. I have lived in the Netherlands for 7 years after having lived in the USA for 20 years. If anything, you have to be careful how you address people, especially in the work place. I tend to be very direct which is not welcomed. Some dutch people have told me that you need to handle people with "velvet gloves". I have heard this comment before that the Dutch are very direct. I have experienced that not to be the case.

[@truthhurts6343]

Lying, beating around the bush, being dishonest/fake = not rude. Giving honest reaction = rude. Glad you appreciate it dude. My friend who moved to the UK also noticed that the british culture is "not rude" and had to get used to their way of saying things. And I was always calling him out for not being "rude" enough. Now he understands my pain hehe

[@williamhuigens3192]

Well being Dutch I can't argue with this. For me it's just being straightforward and honest.

[@user-yl2oo4pr6k]

As a Dutch person, I agree that we can be pretty direct in some cases. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have any social antennas and verbally destroy any stranger with a bad hair day. Of course, good friends (especially male) can be direct assholes to each other and see the humor of it. But in my experience, other cultures like the British do this as well.

[@hokuclan6677]

As someone who lives in the Netherlands and I agree. I am a dick to a lot of people in there eyes when I am telling them the truth.

[@TheF0xGamer1]

I am Dutch and I am not rude in any means, my parents raised me very well I am very polite

[@niels5145]

from a dutch perspective it is not being rude but straight forward, outspoken and sincere. Because they would do the same when it is positive. It is considered a good trait and honesty is valued a lot in the netherlands.

[@MarijnvdSterre]

Kind of depends on what you mean by rude. When taking the meaning as: "an offensive remark", sure people who aren't used to directness will consider us rude. What we Dutch consider rude, is closer to: "a remark that is disrespectful". And of course even with that, you will keep differences in what cultures think is disrespectful. But I do think it is a good way to think about it.

[@ahgversluis]

As a Dutchie myself:this video is absolutely correct. You see, directness can also be a good thing 😂

[@StMargorach]

We're honest... You asked a question, we give you an honest answer. Never heard of " don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answer to" ;) The reason we have this in our culture is because of our historical trade background. You can't make business deal by being fake, you need to be direct and honest. We free if our sayings( translated) says: "honesty lasts longer" And we took that to heart :p In the Netherlands we also never give a 10 out of 10 in reviews. Nothing is perfect, everything can be improved. And my favorite Dutch saying :" doe normaal, dan ben je al gek genoeg" = Behave/act normally, because you'll already be crazy/strange/weird enough like that 😂

[@saiyachan]

We are not rude, we are direct and honest!!!!

[@Thunder1976NL]

The Dutch are not rude, but direct in general. There is a major difference. When you ask about your hair in this instance, you get a clear and honest answer that it looks like you just got out of bed.that is something you can adjust yourself if it is not what you wanted to have. The rude answer would have been: when does the barber finish his shitty job on your hair? When males become friends in The Netherlands, there interactions and comments will become rude to bystanders. The example above, the rude answer is to be expected. If it happens, consider yourselves friends. So be prepared to have a very snappy comeback.

[@heartfullyhonest]

They say they’re honest. It’s brutal honesty and they don’t want to admit that there’s also rules for them and rules for others. :) I live here too.

[@heartfullyhonest]

I agree with your perspective but it’s not the same with all the big cities in Netherlands.

[@abel9291]

Some random person said this on the internet one day " Honesty without kindness is brutality, kindness without honesty is manipulation " Dutch people are Kind and Honest people. And you my friend understood why they are good people. At least your friend is !

[@xXMyttensXx]

I gotta say that this vid is awesome cause finally someone is getting it, haha. I personally can't stand the USA approach cause it's hard to gauge if--well, it's like you said; are they real or not.

[@Thalasaur]

The good things you say have no value, if you're not also willing to say the bad things. (I'm Dutch) I had a back and forth with my wife in the first couple of years. We're direct, but there's a line when it comes to dealing with significant others. Many people I know would dance around the question: "How does this make me look?" Especially if the answer is bad. I didn't do that with my wife. If it made her look fat (she's a little overweight), I told her, et cetera. At times, she'd be really offended, but she kept coming back for my feedback. I told her that she was contradicting herself in that way, and she told me: "I don't like being told something makes me look fat or bad, because I don't like that I could look fat or bad, but at least, with you, I know that it does. It helps me and that's what I keep coming back for." She doesn't get mad anymore, just shrugs it off and tries something else. She gives me the same treatment, whereas she was shy to tell me things before. Say the bad things, so you can improve them.

[@thomastoadie9006]

“Thank you for being so rude” 🤣

[@razornl79]

We are not rude.. we are direct and honest.. there’s a difference with being rude..

[@rodysummertje]

i rather have people to be honest and rude then friendly and lie. Don't be sensitive. We don't mean bad.

[@abyssal_phoenix]

We're just honest, and being rude is even a form of humor for some people like me It's a good way to tease people And why be dishonest or indirect, We can sugarcoat a lot too, at least from what im used to. I would just be super direct and then add some sugarcoat afterwards to be a cheerful and positive. Yk, give some motivation. However that's only if you truly deserve some motivation. Even my "sugar-coated" stuff is completely grounded in reality and tends to be direct :)

[@iv3_H]

My non-Dutch trainer would suger coat all the feedback he gave us. (I did bouldering so when ur up high on th wall you need feedback quick!) Instead of just saying: 'Hey you're doing that wrong, put your left foot xyz' he'd say 'You're doing good, but maybe you could try putting your foot on another hold to see if that's more comfortable' Dude!! I'm hanging upsidedown, scared as shit just say what i need to do to not break my neck lol.

[@hjwardenaar8670]

Im Dutch and i will complement you about this video.. its so true 😅 bit we love people how dont take them self so Serious 😊

[@vonborgah]

Truth is more important than anybodys feelings.

[@TheGoose98]

Being direct & clear against people creates 10s. Being soft and not describing things the way they are, should be or shouldn't be creates a lot of 6/10s in Western society.

[@SKU377]

If you expect people accpting and recognizing your directness. You MUST also be correspondily open for theirs towards you.

[@davidblaine4real]

I'm proud of our culture of being direct and honest, I think it's one of the best things about us. But that doesn't mean you can't be direct, honest, and an a-hole. Sometimes a thought is better kept a thought XD

[@quintenbuijs9480]

As a dutch person myself i can agree that this is true

[@YTCat123]

As a Dutch person, yes. I love directness. I also hate when people trash talk about others behind their backs. You don’t like me? Sure, okay, say it to my face then. My ex actually got one of his friends to tell me he thinks I’m annoying. Like??? Okay??? Were you too scared of saying it to me firsthand? THAT’s the real rude thing to do.

[@iseegoodandbad6758]

I beg to differ. The differences in manners and patience levels between various countries is astonishing. When you step on an American persons foot (by accident) they will mist likely scream at you but if you step on a British or Dutch persons foot they will even apologize for getting in your way! Interesting!

[@BeesKneesBenjamin]

"directness" is also heavily dependent on the region, it's not an all over cultural thing. Expats and foreigners usually only limit themselves travelling to the Randstad. Here I do really recognize the unfiltered directness, it's a completely different culture and feels like a different country compared to the rest of the Netherlands. It's a really bad generalisation to expect the whole country to be like them, and I sometimes feel the term "directness" is just an excuse to be an asshole sometimes and outsiders eat it up like it's some cultural thing. I'm from Noord-Brabant myself, study and work in Eindhoven, almost all foreign students and colleagues I've talked with don't recognise this behaviour at all when they came here and are usually surprised by it (and in our case, we have an entirely different history, a miserable one of centuries suppression, people were very driven to be social as with individualistic behaviour, you couldn't survive under the Dutch reign). In my region we're also honest, but we treat eachother with a good level of respect as well. You'll get the same opinion but in a much more moderate and gentle way. And on a sidenote, here you can't talk back to your parents, they're not our friends on the first place, they're an authority. It's similar in Limburg like this as well. I think personally the rude directness is very nasty and uncharming behaviour. In our region it's also not tolerated. I really invite you to come visit the south, maybe include some villages, it's a fun excursion and you'll meet a different kind of people again.

[@JanusXAlvarenga]

Never change, Netherlands. The world needs it. Love from Latin America.

[@raymonschepers994]

To the point. No beating around the bush. No sucking up to gain from that situation. Until you get to work, that’s when the madness begins.

[@RePeLSTeeLTJe--]

To be honest, i wish more Dutch people were as direct. At workplaces i worked there is a ton of passive-aggressive behaviour, people pretending to get along but we all know they hate one another. Personally i don't deal with that, i just give it to you the way it is. I get that it's best to keep it friendly at work, but the whole façade goes a bit far for me at times. I've had colleagues that tried to connect with me ask the dumbest shit near the coffee corner. Making dumb assumptions and asking stupid stuff, which makes it obvious you are very out-of-touch and don't understand me at all. But we both know it's not real, we both know it's a bizarre attempt at fake comradery. The fake laughs, the fake interest. We don't need to connect on a spiritual level or whatever to get along enough to work together. Just act normal and friendly and leave it at that. Some people are not as compatible, but some are too stubborn to accept that.

[@zur6kousthecube221]

Being Dutch i can confirm this is true I just found out now and yes its true..