Dutch People are Rude: Why I Love them for it

[@boldvankaalen3896]

From a Dutch perspective foreign indirectness is just confusing, inefficient, and a waste of brainpower. Some examples: UK: Boss: "I suggest that..." actual meaning: "I order you to.." "Interesting perspective" actual meaning: "You are talking nonsense and I will ignore what you say" "We'll contact you" actual meaning: "you will never hear from us again" "I was a bit disappointed that.." actual meaning: "I am actually very annoyed about.." "that is a very brave proposal " actual meaning "that is a totally impossible and insane plan" US: "excellent" actual meaning: "just acceptable" "you must drop by sometime " actual meaning: "If you actually do that I will not remember who you are" "this will change your life" actual meaning: "might make some minor aspect of your life slightly more convenient" "amazing" actual meaning: "slightly above average" "How are you?" actual meaning: "not really interested in how you are, I am just greeting you" Language becomes a tool to hide meaning instead of conveying it.

[@Ronnet]

That holds true for many Europeans as well like the French, Italians, Spanish, etc. Only our German and Scandinavian brothers seem to like our directness. In fact, those Danish are some of the most direct SOBs out there, they even hurt my Dutch sensibilities sometimes 😅

[@janetfay-sq8es]

U S always think they better than everyone

[@InvisibleSilentStorm]

Interesting perspective

[@IceKroontje]

The real meaning of "you must drop by sometime" is crazy to me !! 🤯

[@samipso]

That's just dutchplaining though. Different cultures convey different things with different language. A word only has one meaning, but a sentence can have multiple depending on cultural influences. People calling dutch directness rude also suffer from the same problem. They fail to put things in context, and find it, read: confusing, inefficient, and a waste of brainpower. Instead of failing to understand, people should evaluate the context first instead of thinking there's only one "correct" (polite/rude) way.

[@tillylovesholland1161]

Being honest isnt rude, Lying to People is

[@iriviking774]

Yeah, Americans just act friendly while being a dick behind your back. We just tell it like we see it!

[@martiendejong8857]

Exactly.

[@ClintInDaHouse]

100%

[@marilynlucero9363]

That's how I think about it too.

[@presidentdonaldbump150]

Being honest can be rude. And thats okay!

[@Lala-kh3sp]

Not rude. Direct and clear.

[@robertneven7563]

Directly?and clear ?a bigg mounth and now respect whe you notice a Dutch in another country thye think they are above the law every where

[@Lala-kh3sp]

@@robertneven7563 not true. not in my experience. Or in my family’s who are from a different country. Never seen nor heard of that ever.

[@pieternoordenbos]

You should work on your spelling. @@robertneven7563 You know what's really rude? To lie to people and then think that you have been polite.

[@ЧтотакоеХорошо-о1р]

It's not direct, it's very bad manners

[@Lala-kh3sp]

@@ЧтотакоеХорошо-о1р it’s not it’s our culture to be direct and clear. Everybody can know that if they live here.

[@ronaldvb3663]

Telling someone his hair looks great, while you think it’s not is the rude thing to do!

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Especially where girls are involved.

[@primavent1]

Yeah, other people see it and make fun of it, secretly of course.

[@kaydesign]

True! Sugarcoating is considered not respectful in the Netherlands. Very funny 🇳🇱😅

[@Andreyas-ou7fq]

It's not funny. It's normal.

[@apexaviour]

@@Andreyas-ou7fq it is gek genoeg

[@Andreyas-ou7fq]

@@apexaviour Ja dat is normaal. Eerlijkheid duurt het langst. Je moet het alleen WEL op een respectvollemanier zeggen. Sugarcoating is dishonest and not that nice in my opinion but critique has to be given respectfully to

[@lovealegria]

Sugarcoating is a sign of being insecure. You are terrified of hurting someones feelings but how will you know you won't hurt them anyway? Also most people don't filter a conversation so most of what you tell them is condensed to some keywords that they remember. If you tell them an entire fairytale when a limerick would have done the trick, most of the fairytale won't be retained. In other words, a waste of time.

[@Turnil321]

You not made out of sugar

[@hutselfrutsel3897]

Once an Irish guy was telling me a story of him trying to get rid of a guy that stayed the night after a party. It took him 2 days of beating round the bush to get him outta his place. For me as a Dutch it was so weird. I would just tell him to get out next morning

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Zeer juist.

[@kikik6996]

😂😂😂

[@StMargorach]

Ye, that's simple " dude, gtfo of my house! I'll cu in the weekend buddy!" Be everything is fine 😂

[@TheBloggme]

As an aussie same here. Wouldnt let some strange dude i met at a party over mine in first place (trust issues)

[@hisss]

"Wakker? Mooi. Opzouten."

[@jgbw6467]

They are not rude. They are direct. Don't mistake the two. I'm British and live on the Netherlands for 18 years. I like their direct manner. You know where you stand.

[@sneezyfido]

In his case, back at Schiphol 😂

[@MeMM00]

direct = rude the same way truth hurts and if you say things that are true you're not being socially politically tactical aka rude

[@shockwave826]

Lying=rude​@@MeMM00

[@MeMM00]

@@shockwave826 true, but you have autism

[@sneezyfido]

@@MeMM00 that's you pushing your cultural perspective on others. Let's take a common example: You and your friend are going to a party. They went through the effort to put on nice clothes, but their figure evolved since they bought it, and right now it looks poorly on them. You know that it's a topic they prefer to push aside. Do you tell them, or politely hold your tongue and hope that the gossip won't be too harsh? By Dutch standards, it's rude to let that happen.

[@DaveR187]

We aren't rude, we are direct, we don't run around the bush, we cut through it.

[@zur6kousthecube221]

Facts 🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

[@damianflanagan7359]

In English we say don’t beat around the bush…not run.. Just FYI

[@cebruthius]

@@damianflanagan7359Next video: Dutch people think they speak English but they aren't quite there :D

[@nielsoudegriep2900]

@@cebruthius Next video: Arrogant american clowns Dutch people for nearly speaking perfect english and making minor mistakes eventho said american can't pronounce a single dutch sentence.

[@1La2La3La4La]

Are you guys willing to accept the directness of others towards you, too?

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

When you ask about the hair, a Dutch person will see it as you asking if you won't be embarrassed going out in public looking like that. So the answer will be honest because it is intended as helpful advice, not a mean-spirited comment. Same for everything else. Also, most of us don't see the point of constantly comparing yourself to others.

[@Peacefrogg]

If you don’t want an answer, don’t ask the question. And yes, you are you, don’t compare yourself to others, there is no need to.

[@eugene__eugene]

Well... That is except if your partner asks "does this dress make me fat?" Then also dutch will always say 'no' instead of 'yes' or 'you already were' or 'even worse than normal' 🤣

[@Jacqueline_Thijsen]

@eugene__eugene Nah, we'll tell them yep, try that other one, you look awesome in that.

[@thierpetersen7907]

@@eugene__eugeneyou maybe, im straight with my girl too, if she wants to get mad thats her problem

[@renskedj]

​@@eugene__eugeneMy son said: Mom you have really become fat and although I'm Dutch I got offended. Later he just shows me a pic he secretly made of me stuffing food in my mouth. I couldn't stop laughing. He really had a point andI immediately went on a diet and lost a kilo already.

[@yvonnedekroes1520]

We grow up with the saying: soft healers give stinking wounds.

[@dracodarastrix4175]

Well let make an example here about our directness as a Dutch person myself I noticed your line isn't entirely correct. The correct way would be. Soft healers give smelling wounds. It wasn't entirely wrong tough, English does have the word stink but they wouldn't use it in this contents. Dutch would use the word stink but English would use the word smell, if something smells bad. The word stink is more used as curse word for example, "You stink!" or putting it in serious negative way, for example. "That idea of yours? It stinks." Don't feel bad though, I also make lots of mistakes like yours above. 😉

[@ProYada]

@@dracodarastrix4175 Oh the irony. Yvonne is more correct. Smell can be any smell. The smell of roses, the smell of shit, the smell of strawberries. Stink is a clearly defined odour and more correct in this translation since it implies something is off about the smell: it stinks because the wound is infected. It is infected because the soft healer wasn't thorough enough to remove all the rotting tissue and thus it got infected. Aside from that you use smelling. Which technically is grammatically correct but doesn't properly convey the meaning of the saying. It leaves the problem rather ambiguous. Do the wounds smell like roses? Probably not since it's implied soft healers are not good because they're not thorough enough in cleaning a wound. You could use smell but then you'd have to add an adjective like: The wounds give off a Foul Smell, to make clear something is likely amiss. In your sentence the wounds could even be implied to be doing the smelling, wounds that can smell an odour. You could use Smelly because it's an adjective. What type of wound: it's a smelly wound. Also: contents = context.

[@forestdweller5581]

A proper translation would be more like: ' Wimpy doctors leave behind festering wounds'

[@mariussielcken]

​@@dracodarastrix4175the correct word is 'stinky'

[@jenn2839]

I love this discussion

[@profiler4772]

We Dutch really hate it when a waitress comes to your table in the US who is clearly disinterested, tired, and overworked but nevertheless has to enquire, "How are you today?" To be followed by an impatient pen tapping against her notebook. When you ask her politely how she is herself, she does not bother to answer but interrupts by asking "What can I get you guys?". And then we, Dutch are considered RUDE????????? On top, we are expected to pay a tip of 20% for this insincere type of behaviour. We really like people to be straightforward. What you see is what you get.

[@Dharengo]

Don't tip. If they aren't getting a living wage they shouldn't be working there.

[@profiler4772]

@@Dharengo In the US, not many people have a choice but to work 2 or 3 jobs just to survive.

[@Dharengo]

@@profiler4772 That's not the customer's fault. They should not be responsible for the waiting people's financial wellbeing. Also go find the one job that pays well instead of just accepting the three jobs that pay like ass.

[@profiler4772]

@@Dharengo No I agree, in Europe, the waiters usually get a decent wage, so tips are additional rewards for services rendered. How come you think that well-paying jobs are easily available? Besides the private circumstances may dictate to work multiple jobs.

[@Dharengo]

@@profiler4772 Well, because of how the market works. If people didn't accept the shit jobs, there would be no shit jobs.

[@marcelrenes2435]

Yes, we are direct, sometimes people say it's rude. But we value honesty above this 'laugh in your face and backstabbing you' at the same time. For example: If you want Dutchie get really mad: say to him that you like him but tell your friends or co-workers that he smells badly. He or she will find out and then you have a BIG problem.

[@TheEvertw]

Exactly. And the problem isn't that you told others that he smells bad, it is that you lied to his face. That is more important to him than talking behind his back. In his mind, by lying to his face, you did not give him the opportunity to do something about his hygiene.

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

I think it is ingrained in our Calvinistic nature. Being honest is n° 1.

[@ThatNiceDutchGuy]

Bonus tip: There is a good chance that you have just lost several Dutch contacts. Because you just proved to them that you are dishonest and untrustworthy. Words do have meaning! Trust comes slowly and is fragile.

[@rubenjanssen8491]

jup the problem wil be not telling the Dutchie. @@TheEvertw

[@rubenjanssen8491]

@@ThatNiceDutchGuy jup the dutch have a saying that translates to: Trust comes on foot but goes by horse

[@hdebard]

not negative feedback, just honest feedback

[@apexaviour]

He's referencing the terminology from The Culture Map (great book btw). North Americans have zero problem giving honest feedback as long as it's positive, they are happy to give truthful compliments. Their culture is also very direct in almost every aspect _except_ when it comes to giving negative feedback. This is where the difference lies since over-all, Dutch culture is not more direct than American, only in this aspect. So negative/positive feedback can be honest, just the Dutch are more open to being honest with negative feedback.

[@Thunterise]

Honest feedback can be negative, now you're just being pedantic.

[@FatalPapercutz]

Wait a minute??? 0:01 "I live with 2 Dutch guys, and they are really rude" 0:04 *Enters bedroom without knocking*???

[@dutchprogamer8021]

Well how else is he supposed to get out the bathroom

[@OkayUser]

skit

[@thierpetersen7907]

I was thinking the same thing, lmao

[@danidejaneiro8378]

Pretty sure he’d already been in the room coz, you know, the camera was set up and recording….

[@vidtuby]

I love the Dutch! I lived in the Netherlands extensively. They're very international. As a foreigner, they treated me well. I had a Dutch girlfriend, and the family loved me as their own. If you plan to move there, 'Leer Nederlands'---learn Dutch. Trust me, you'll enjoy living there more and appreciate Dutch culture!

[@raineblackstar3522]

My best friend is planning to move here so I've been teaching them the language here and there. They know some local cuss words and insult and know not to translate it. {Never trust google translate with dutch insults and cuss words.}

[@Sjenkrider]

​@@raineblackstar3522 dutch insults/curses are super simple. You just take the exact translation of the most horrible diseases and you simply wish them upon whomever it is you're insulting.

[@raineblackstar3522]

@@Sjenkrider yeah no don't use diseases as insults. There's only a few who do and those usually hang with the degenerates of my own generation.

[@Djbiohazard1991]

@@Sjenkridercombine them with specific male/female anatomy though.

[@raineblackstar3522]

@@Sjenkrider please don't use diseases unless you want to be part of the local degenerate wannabes...

[@profikid]

Dutchy here, I had a gym teacher which never gave 10/10 because it didn’t really exists in a high school gym…

[@FrankHeuvelman]

Fucking team sports!

[@NeenaVos]

Same

[@RalphVB]

Which is retarded to say the least as you have to base the grade of of the level a subject is being done at. Not at the professional spectrum of the matter. I mean, then we'd all fail high school since we'd be getting exams at an academic level lol.

[@StMargorach]

10 out of 10 doesn't exist in an analog test/review. I agree with him as a Dutch person and a teacher XD

[@dariussonofjazzlin7433]

I'd argue a 10 is possible if you have a clearly defined goal for the student that is manageable to reach, which the student then proceeds to exceed.

[@yvonnepalm4923]

I am South African from Dutch descent and I now know why I am always so direct. Thought there was something wrong with me. Must be in my DNA. Thank you for this video. I enjoyed it.

[@MsMeyara]

I can tell you that as a high sensitive perrson, our directness ain't always fun for us either, but it does help you be better and becone better

[@Klaasje1982]

And as one Dutch person to another I would say : Maybe emigrate then?

[@Ronnet]

I think not being honest and clear (direct) is rude. Then again, I'm Dutch so I suppose being deceitful and ambiguous is better for some people made out of sugar (Dutch saying for those afraid of the rain).

[@TinToastCan]

goed

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

I always say I am not made of sugar when people ask if I can handle a situation. The rain is figuratively. Sorry, being very Dutch here 😊

[@DiRtYLaWs2007]

It is only considered rude if you give an opinion without being asked for it first. It’s not rude at all, but expect an honest and direct Dutch answer ❤

[@Klaasje1982]

I am Dutch and I spent a whole summer in New York when I was 21. It was only later in life when I learned more about Dutch Directness that I began to understand all the shocked faces and confused sometimes crying people that summer.

[@Klaasje1982]

I was doing a film-course with multiple students. I still don't understand why you wouldn't just tell somebody that their short movie sucks and that they are never gonna make it as a director. What else are you supposed to say?

[@Thetravelingmindshow]

Yes! It’s so normal for us Dutch people that we just do not realize how we are different compared to other cultures! So interesting! Thankyou for sharing :)

[@Siranoxz]

Lol, heel goed!!!.

[@acidset]

"they are never gonna make it as a director" Sounds like a biased assumption that can be just hurtful for no particular motive. You were also telling a dutch person in the comments here, that they should emigrate because they said something along the lines of "It's not exactly easy as a sensitive person, but direct feedback is overall good for you" So I wouldn't chalk everything up to just "Dutch directness" as an easy excuse: you might want to consider if you are being too offensive than necessary. Whilst direct /constructive/ feedback is really helpful, no person has supreme knowledge or clairvoyance, so remember that they still remain your opinions, and you shouldn't have a negative impact or sway in people's lives just because you can.

[@laujulius3999]

I worked in the construction industry back in my country. I communicate with Dutch people as if they are all construction workers despite their statues and education level. It works pretty well for me.

[@hamster4618]

😂

[@PieterPatrick]

You're pretty close. lol

[@boldvankaalen3896]

On a building site communication has to be clear, efficient and direct. There is no room for polite indirect phrases when you are gesturing towards a crane operator so they can place a multi-tonne beam on exactly the right spot. So what you are saying is actually a compliment to the Dutch.

[@laujulius3999]

@@boldvankaalen3896 Yes, I know what I am talking. I said I worked in the field anyway. Of course it's a compliment unless you look down on construction workers.

[@Peacefrogg]

This. To the dutch it’s important to remember that we are equals. Status, education, age or money does not make you a better person. Speak your mind. stand up for yourself, just don’t be insulting or hurtful.

[@Pelerincha]

If you're a snowflake don't come to Holland....Dutch soccer coaches when getting a job in Southern Europe or like in Spain are told not to be too critical to a player because it upset his masculine ego....If the pass made sucked...it sucked!!!...It's not "nice try", better next time"!!!

[@jaspermooren5883]

Also as a coach you literally get paid to be critical, if you can't take some criticism as a professional footballer player, maybe don't be a professional football player...

[@Illyrian_Adventures]

Honesty is a virtue in a world full of lies, filters and fakeness.

[@Thitadhammo]

Nice explanation of a cultural difference. You're also neatly describing part of the autistic experience. We're not normally told other people think we're rude or weird, at least not directly or using reasons that could be discussed. They just drop you, a lot of the time. Directness is a life line to me.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

You'd love the Netherlands. I've never seen a more autistic place except Denmark.

[@joanne1114]

Rude is when you’re being unpleasant without a reason. Not when you’re just confirming someone’s own observation or answering a direct question in an honest way. If you can’t stomach feedback, don’t ask (or fish) for feedback.

[@meriotheart]

Just wanted to add that while we're definitely direct (and can be downright rude if people aren't fluent in the language they're using), it's a bit more nuanced, in Dutch anyways. In Dutch we have these beautiful little words called modal particles. I don't think English has them, at the very least not on the level languages like Dutch do (I know German uses them and I think Indonesian too? There are more languages). Modal particles are used to show the emotion/intention behind what you're saying, a bit like tone I suppose. I think we have at least 15 and they can (and will be) combined to specify even further. The problem with this is that they can't really be translated, or at the very least, not without the sentence ending up sounding really weird. So people end up with either short and _very_ direct sentences or with really long ones with unnecessary words in an attempt to convey the intention behind it (from what I've noticed anyways, it's also why translations often don't feel 'right' even if they technically are). I'll try giving some examples/uses, but it's not always very precise and there hasn't been a whole lot of research on it (not for as far as I could find anyways), so please don't go correcting me on nuances/my examples unless I'm completely wrong (which I might be because everything sounds wrong after a while). Some examples of modal particles are (with direct translation and at least one use); even (momentarily/for a short period, used when something is a small request/task and/or makes the sentence more friendly), misschien (maybe, used when requesting/asking for something, depending on the use it can be pretty polite), nou (now, it shows you're annoyed/irritated, pretty much always after something has been going on for a while) and soms (sometimes, used to make a question stronger, you actually want to know the answer and only used in yes/no questions). Like I said, there are more and they can be combined to make the intention behind your statement even clearer. There is a bit of an order to it, you can't just use them in whatever order you like, but you can combine pretty much all of them I think. 'Mag ik u wat vragen?', 'mag ik u misschien wat vragen?' and 'mag ik u misschien even wat vragen?' could all be translated to 'can I ask you something?' (polite you), but they're all different levels of politeness (the politest way would probably be 'zou ik u soms misschien even wat mogen vragen?', but that doesn't work too well for the example). If a Dutch native speaker would try to translate this to English they'd probably either say 'Can I ask you something?' or would try to convey the level of politeness by adding words 'can I maybe ask you something please?' (not saying that that's how everyone would actually do it, just an example). If someone has been letting you wait for a while and you're starting to get annoyed with them, but you're still being polite you could say something like 'mag ik u nou misschien even wat vragen?'. If you've waiting for a bit and are annoyed and think the other person is being unreasonable/making it way harder than necessary you might say 'mag ik u nou misschien gewoon even wat vragen?' (gewoon translates to normal/usual, it's used to show that something is the simplest/most logical option or to put emphasis on something). This was way more text than anticipated and I think I fried my brain trying to figure out what the right orders are, but I personally find it interesting and hope others do too.

[@laateenreactieachter]

Yes

[@johnnyvanderhelm4414]

My father is from the Netherlands and sometimes I have a bit of Dutch directness, when I was growing up. But I realised later that it was nothing personal it was the Dutch way. When I met my relatives for the first time there was a bit of directness I accepted it, all good no dramas. People are bloody sensitive and get offended when something is said. And being too polite is unnecessary in some situations. I love my Dutch heritage and culture, they tell you straight and no mucking around. GROW SOME BALLS MATE!!!😊

[@reznovvazileski3193]

I mean I'm autistic so I fkin love growing up in this say it as it is culture. I hardly have to wonder what people are saying behind my back because they'll tell me to my face and then I know what's up and what I can do about it. Backhanded compliments or sugarcoating I am very likely to just take at face value, keep going, after 3-4 months you might snap at last and all of a sudden I get a load I never knew was even building all that time to begin with. Then I go on wondering about every other interaction I've ever had with you trying to figure out if I've missed anything else which is stressful as hell. It's just unfair for the both of us that way so I much prefer just being told and risk feeling a little bad on the spot. I used to even give actual status updates whenever people asked me how I'm doing. Like they asked so that's what you're supposed to do right? Well yea apparently nobody actually gives a crap they just want to sound nice not actually be nice :') Idk that one still isn't clicking for me personally. It's like going to a homeless guy asking him if he wants 10 bucks and then just not giving it to him if he takes you up on the offer. Nice idea but if you're not willing to execute on it then what's the point of initiating it?

[@Rose-Dew]

Exactly this 😄

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

My ex has the same. He is Belgian, and they are also quite careful and unclear. He liked my Dutch directness.

[@laateenreactieachter]

Dont get an office job

[@HarmvanderWilt]

Well, we do this with friends and people we know well. Especially guys give each other shit haha. But there are also a lot of indirect Dutch people. Its also different from region to region, like north vs south

[@aesir277]

i wouldnt say north vs south, im from the randstad region who vacationed alot in drenthe and not alot of differences in an approach to conversation, id say it is more a difference of lifestyle, randstad is fast paced and little time. drenthe is the farmers mentality and efficiency. then there are places like utrecht with its universities and such that differ far more from both of these examples.

[@r8gingbull]

"Rude" and "direct" aren't directly combined into one term in most contexts. They describe similar but slightly different ways of communicating: Rude: This implies a lack of courtesy or consideration for the other person's feelings. It can involve harsh words, interrupting, or dismissive behavior. Direct: This means being straightforward and to the point. While directness can sometimes come across as blunt, it doesn't necessarily have negative connotations like rudeness does. Here's the key difference: Rude Directness: This is when someone is blunt in a way that's hurtful or disrespectful. For example, interrupting someone to say, "That's a terrible idea!" is both rude and direct. Honest Directness: This is when someone communicates clearly and concisely without being mean. For example, saying, "I appreciate your suggestion, but I think this approach might be more effective" is direct and honest. I have been in Usa but fakeness is high

[@TheJH1015]

no, "That's a terrible idea" is NOT rude. It is direct. Saying "Only an idiot would come up with an idea as bad as this" IS rude. VERY rude.The former simply states that an idea is really really bad. The latter is rude because it's also a personal attack on whoever proposed the idea.

[@asterosthegreat8587]

Your Honest Directness is not direct. If a idea is bad you call the idea bad. Not a decent suggestion but here is a idea I think might work better. You are beating around the bush in that one.

[@Supermariocrosser]

A That's a terrible idea! Ugh! 🤢 B I don't think that's a good idea 👎 (That's a terrible idea! Ugh! 🤢) C I appreciate your idea , but I think I this is a better one 😊👉 (that's a terrible idea! Ugh!🤢) D I don't know if that's a good idea 😐 (That's a terrible idea! Ugh! 🤢) E I think that's wonderful what you said ❤ . (That's a terrible idea! Ugh! 🤢) F walks away from the conversation 🚪 (That's a terrible idea! Ugh! 🤢)

[@Sweetie.21]

I’d say I’m more direct, not rude. Like for example if a friend asks how their hair or makeup looks, I’ll be honest, but I won’t said it looks like shit, that’s just unnecessarily rude. The worst I’ll ever say is that it looks bad and suggest a way to fix it together. I’ll say things like ‘It looks good, but maybe you should do/add x to make it look even better’, ‘Your lipstick is a little outside the lines’, ‘Your eyeliner is uneven’, or ‘It looks bad, but if we do x and y, we can fix it/make it look better’. If I really don’t like something, but I see it makes them happy, I’ll say it’s not my cup of tea, maybe suggest to tone it down a bit if I think it’s really bad. In short, if they want on honest opinion (in a bad situation) = be truthful that it looks bad and suggest how to fix it (think smudged mascara, or a bad hair day). If they want advice = be truthful and give any advice to improve their look if necessary. If they look good already, compliment them and say they look perfect, no improvements needed. I like being direct, but not being unnecessary rude. I do like banter with friends, but only unprompted, not if they ask how something looks on them. To me that’s no time to be rude, mean or belittling. Being direct without being mean about it is key. I don’t like to unnecessarily hurt my friends, I’d rather comfort them if they look bad, while still being truthful and offering solutions. It’s more gentle, but still not sugarcoating it because you still tell them it looks bad. Over the top sarcasm/insults might work too (like saying their hair looks like a bird nest that got dragged through mud), but you will have to know for sure if that friend will be cheered up by ridiculous comparisons beforehand. Last thing you want is them taking it to heart and make them feel even worse. I know most of my friends don’t appreciate that, they want gentle, but direct honesty with advice, so I give them that instead.

[@swampertdeck]

I’m direct even for a Dutch person. People sometimes like that, and sometimes they don’t. It’s mostly about being ckear and efficient. There’s a difference between being honest and rude, and being honest and helpful. If you’re just being rude, then you’re a just a jerk. You can also be indirect/polite and still being helpful. But you must make sure the other person still understands what you mean. If you’re not clear, it’s basically the same as lying. Which is a rude thing in the Netherlands and most places.

[@Dennis0824]

It seems to be a matter of interpretation. Sometimes when I am being direct I am told they don't like my tone when I am just being matter of fact. Then they tell me I don't know how to communicate. It is very confusing.

[@Edwinschuur]

Rudeness has to do with how you say it. Asking someone: are you alright because you look very pale today is direct but friendly. When you know someone's in a bad state of depression and has lack of sleep and you tell them: you look like shit today that's rude.

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

It is more a code of conduct. Every (micro) culture has its own unwritten rules. Our family can be perceived as quite rude, we tell it like it is. That also means no simmering conflicts, because we can quarrel, but it is short and intense. And after that life goes on like sunshine after an thunderstorm. But I admit it can be daunting to bring a prospective partner home. Sometimes they think the family really doesn't like them, while we are just making a little banter. That's micro-culture.

[@Dennis0824]

I find that very confusing. I wish that the rules were more clear.

[@Edwinschuur]

@@Dennis0824 Lets make it Black and White. You are with 2 friends. Janice and Mary. Mary asks am I fat? Being direct you could say: if I'm honest you're not fat but also not very slim but if you would work out you could improve. Rude would be, no you're not fat. Look at Janice she is fat.

[@Supermariocrosser]

🇳🇱: tries express usually everything directly ➡️ 🇬🇧: tries rather be indirect about everything to express them. ↔️ 🇩🇪: tries to sticks to facts to be direct . Avoids expressing feelings. ⚙️➡️ 🚫❤️ 🇮🇹: tries to express their feelings so strongly to be direct , that facts are sometimes getting in their way to be direct ❤➡️ 🚫⚙️ 🇫🇮: They stay silent. Problem solved 🚫

[@thatsleepyman]

It's not 'rudeness' it's directness.

[@lepsko_Bread]

I am dutch myself and I feel pain from it but I also do get it. I myself as a Dutch person am not rude I can say that. I try to help people and am very fun to talk too and I don't like to be disliked and I also don't want to be rude myself. Even though other people in the Netherlands do rude to me sometimes, I still try to be positive everyday and make more friends and be kind to other people in hope that they will kind to me too

[@jve89]

Dude is clearly from the south of the Netherlands 😅

[@Klaasje1982]

That´s kind of rude :)

[@Tubebacca]

Limburg? Weird sounding R, almost german.

[@berttroubleyn3475]

@@Tubebacca More like Noord-Brabant to my ears. His accent is like nails on a blackboard to me...

[@nathalytoledo6323]

@@berttroubleyn3475 You mean chalkboard? Honestly, the weird-sounding “R” to foreigners is from the north. I prefer the soft way of speaking they have because it sounds much more elegant, besides, it seems that people from the north are more arrogant, which is your case, in my opinion. Someone would not degrade the style of another person they actually respect.

[@natasjateerling3622]

Dutch person: "I'm sorry, but we can't be friends." Other person: "Why not?" Dutch person: "Honestly?" Other person: " Yes?" Dutch person: "Because I find you too boring, not interesting, no fun to be around, I'd rather spend my valuable time with people who match my personality better."😂😂😂

[@bjornbdr]

We are direct, not rude. To many country's sugarcoat it and are not fair.

[@ghostleopard570]

I'm Dutch as well and i can state easily... that the directness and genuine honesty will get people much further in achieving goals in life then having lots of people who are capable of sugar-coat stuff and conceal the truth for you.... the truth can be a very bitter pill at first but you will get accustomed by it and will appreciate it for in the long run as well.... It's like taking the red pill instead of the blue one....

[@laateenreactieachter]

What kind of job do you have?

[@daniels_vip]

Im dutch and I dont Understand why I have to Lie when I can speek the Truth in the netherlands we have a saying that says honesty lasts the longest and now my Question why are people Lying to give someone a good feeling when it is not true I wil that people speek the truth to me to

[@apexaviour]

Good question! I wouldn't say it's lying, rather an attempt to create comfort and preserve harmony. That becomes the "normal" then in other societies. In NL you are taught to see negative feedback as not personal, and you're exposed frequently to it. Imagine if you're from a culture where that doesn't happen... that honesty can be perceived as a personal attack.

[@daniels_vip]

​@@apexaviouryour Right I understand it I never look it like that why I think your broke my dutch rudenes now😂 thanks for the good explanation🤝

[@Iflie]

@@apexaviour Yeah americans do that a lot and it makes them less mature but also it makes me feel like they are used to people not actually being good people. Like they really expect that attack just because a person doesn't like their dress. "You don't like my dress so what you mean is you don't like me and want to be mean because of that" While I think dutch people are in fact usually pretty nice, sometimes especially when they are insulting as that can be a lead in to friendship. They think you can take it.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

You don't have to lie but saying something a bit softer is a life skill.

[@DivineLogos]

One way isn't better than the other. Being indirect helps to have pleasant interactions and bond easier. Being direct helps efficiency and fosters respect. Depending on the situation one might be better than the other. People need to recognize that and be able to switch.

[@Siranoxz]

You learn from rudeness-directness over softness.

[@iaintgotnotimeforthis]

i'm also dutch okay and i can say dutch people are very direct and it's just normal for us but my bestfriend is the nicest but also very direct like me so yeah everyone i know is direct

[@tinekespa1190]

We are direct, true. But i like it that we just are telling the true. I would not feel good when people are not honest.

[@yume_artsy]

As a dutch people i have a really hard time being direct since Im not that confident in myself to speak up (towards friends im way more direct that I’d normally be, but it depends on who im talking to) I always try to be polite

[@laateenreactieachter]

First of all its "as a dutch person"... and most the people in the comments are lying anyway... if you really think about it there are MANY times a dutch person was not honest with you i dont even know where this 'stereotype' come from

[@daphnelovesL]

we are direct

[@JanusXAlvarenga]

Never change, Netherlands. The world needs it. Love from Latin America.

[@werderwer-jo9cm]

Dutch people are not rude at all. Direct compared to other countries yes. But most are not rude at all.

[@davidvandersterre]

Ignoring and trying to avoid conflict is pretty much comparable to lying. Having people in your life to tell you the truth gives you more clarity on your 'situation'.

[@HansvanOostende]

We are honest and not hypocrites

[@gabrielpreda9544]

The good thing with directness is that you know they don't say more than they mean. If they say you did something slightly wrong, you know you did something slightly wrong. Whereas with indirect people you have to guess how wrong you were. You might start to think you did something horrible when that was not the intent.

[@lenaaaaaaaa78]

I was at a party once and there was a 1 hear old trashing everything and hitting people, his american parents just stood there and did nothing. Then a Dutch kid, who was like 3 years old just walked in and really loudly said: That boy is shit

[@Blakka_boi13]

also the word "love". Americans say: "omg i love this person", "that person is the best, love that person"... Don't like it

[@thomastoadie9006]

“Thank you for being so rude” 🤣

[@eugene__eugene]

If rude is what is internationally meant by telling the unpolished truth, then I guess I should add that to my list of (unexpected) strengths. Those are the ideal things to mention whenever they ask the wornout question "give me two strengths and two weaknesses" in a job interview.

[@Steyvan]

As a Dutch guy, I thinks it's an aweful video. Just kidding😂😂😂 Dutch people 'invented' equilty. No one is better than the other. Don't brag about your succes and don't tell anybody what you earn. Just stay humble, honest and never think you are the best. There is always someone better.

[@DylanVdveen]

Spot on maat

[@iv3_H]

My non-Dutch trainer would suger coat all the feedback he gave us. (I did bouldering so when ur up high on th wall you need feedback quick!) Instead of just saying: 'Hey you're doing that wrong, put your left foot xyz' he'd say 'You're doing good, but maybe you could try putting your foot on another hold to see if that's more comfortable' Dude!! I'm hanging upsidedown, scared as shit just say what i need to do to not break my neck lol.

[@MaximusOfTheMeadow]

Hoi Dirk hoe is het in America?

[@saskibla]

Haha vroeg me al af of die gast echt Derek heette of dat het een foreigner friendly naam was.

[@NorthlandGypsy]

I love the tactless Dutch! They don't waste time sugar coating, and help one improve by giving honest feedback.

[@xmeiyin]

“thank you for being a good friend” “I don’t like your hair right now.” 😂 I love it

[@Harry_PP030]

While it's a joke between friends, amongst people who are not very close his answer would be considered as rude in the Netherlands. Just saying that we Dutch don't like rudeness either.

[@hrenes]

Thank you for your insight in our behaviour :) Wish I knew that 20 y ago, would've saved me lots of explaining!!

[@KMCDM]

@2:40 Derek is de (steenkolen) stonecole English man. Lekker man ouwe smeerpijp!

[@thierpetersen7907]

Bro je zegt steenkolen over hem maar zelf zeg je stonecole, what the fuck is stonecole😂

[@KMCDM]

@@thierpetersen7907Is cultuur!

[@springjordy310]

Good video and fijne dag verder.

[@chrisdeveling191]

Isn't there a connection between this Dutch directness and the one you get from New Yorkers? Since that place was originally founded by the Dutch perhaps that's no coincidence. Also, I noticed on your chart that the Israelis are even more direct. And since (especially the most direct northern part of) the Netherlands was heavily influenced by Jewish immigrants it may have all started with them.

[@janalberts6093]

You have a point, could be. New Yorkers are very direct, so are the Israelis

[@jaspermooren5883]

Possibly, it could also have been the other way around, quite a lot of Dutch people moved to Israel. Pre WW2 the Netherlands had a very large Jewish population and a significant percentage moved to Israel after the war. Of course the largest reason for the demographic decline is sadly nazi occupation, but a significant percentage of the people that were left after the war moved to Israel after its independence from the British. There's even a whole Wikipedia page just about notable Dutch Israelis. The connection with New York is almost definitely there though, it was of course a Dutch settlement and even when I was there I definitely saw some dutchness in there. I mean it's very much an American city nowadays, but particularly compared to other US cities you can see some leftovers in the culture from it's Dutch heritage, not just the perceived rudeness. For example wall street was already an important securities market and stock exchange (which is a Dutch invention btw) before it was sold (kinda, it was effectively traded in a peace deal for Suriname) to the British. And that trader/entrepreneurial spirit that the Netherlands is pretty famous for definitely is visible in New York. Of course New York is a cultural mix from all over Europe though, there's also very clear remnants of Italian and Irish culture for example in New York.

[@apexaviour]

This is just scale from that book The Culture Map (I recommend looking at the others) and only deals with directness as it relates to negative feedback. You make an interesting thought though. Decision making in NL is very consent based (like Japan) while leadership is very egalitarian like Israel (while Japan is hierarchical). Similarly Israel and NL are on the same end of the spectrum when it comes to disagreeing... confrontational, opposite to Japan. In the above examples US (on average) tends to fall more in the middle.

[@Overlorddz]

We're not rude, we're the only ones who are honest. 2:16 this is why the world needs Dutchies. Apparently we're the only ones who stand up for something so easy and important. Every western foreigner I know is both charmed by how nice people are in the street as shocked by how fast they are at calling you out. Well, truth hurts. Negative feedback is not less painful for a Dutch person, but we take comfort in being sure of getting the space to improve, and knowing that those who criticise have been there too (maybe that's not completely clear). So you rather hear what's the bad or good stuff, and where it should go next - most Dutchies will then tell you to just follow what's best for you. Cause we are quite adamant about personal integrity.

[@peet4921]

We take ''Being an asshole'' to a whole new level, in the beginning it might hurt your feelings, but once you're up there with us, you're truly in heaven.

[@Lmb_kun]

It's like I always say: it's not rude, it's the truth.

[@anthonysteyning8032]

Also called tactless!

[@boldvankaalen3896]

Depends on your perspective. Mentioning that the zipper of my trousers is open, would be considered rude in some countries. But I am glad that Dutchies mention it directly, so I can save myself further embarrassment. In my book mentioning it to me shows more empathy than ignoring it.

[@GullibleTarget]

​​@@boldvankaalen3896that's not true. If your fly is open, people in other cultures will say something. Always. But they will do so discreetly. Example:Like approaching you with a big smile and standing right in front of you and under their breath:"don't think you noticed but your fly is undone. Zip it up; nobody is looking. I'll stand here so nobody can see" Discreet, direct, polite and helpful. The Dutch: Hey je gulp staat open!" ..for everybody to hear. Causing embarassment and then its:"hey. Im just being honest, you dont want to walk around like that, right? You should be grateful.😂"

[@boldvankaalen3896]

@@GullibleTarget I have lived at different places and what you describe is not my experience. Also in my experience the saying it out loud is more something done by youths who think they gain street cred my humiliating others. What you describe seems more of a caricature than reality.

[@GullibleTarget]

@@boldvankaalen3896 you have your experiences and I have mine. You don't have to negate or invalidate my experiences to validate your own. I would never do that but you seem quite comfortable with it. But I'm sure your intent is just to be honest and open about what I said, right?

[@boldvankaalen3896]

@@GullibleTarget Well actually you negated and invalidated my experience by your statement "that is not true". Seems you cannot take what you dish it out. And that last statement is me just being honest and direct. ;-).

[@kmsmail489]

Same as us NYers, which was settled by 'the Dutch'

[@daphnelovesL]

And why do you speak with a german accent when trying speaking with a Dutch? It's like speak with a Irish accent pretending to be from England 😔

[@TinkerTaylor-zv1ml]

I am Dutch and when I see someone who wears "wrong" clothes, or has a really bad haircut, I always think "Is there no-one who loves you?" Because someone who cares for them would have told them they look like sh*t. Don't confuse honest, caring feedback with rudeness 😊. And for America being proud of their "freedom of speech", they are actually quite restrictive in how they talk.

[@marijnschotsman5122]

I do agree that i also try to just be direct. I dont want to sugercoat things. I Like to be truthfull and give people a straight answer.

[@heatherclark8668]

I was introduced to a Dutchman called Jos. I had never heard that name before and didn't quite catch his name so I asked him if he could spell it. He was so offended and affronted that he never spoke to me again. It is one thing to be direct. It is another to be haughty and rude.

[@Thunder1976NL]

The Dutch are not rude, but direct in general. There is a major difference. When you ask about your hair in this instance, you get a clear and honest answer that it looks like you just got out of bed.that is something you can adjust yourself if it is not what you wanted to have. The rude answer would have been: when does the barber finish his shitty job on your hair? When males become friends in The Netherlands, there interactions and comments will become rude to bystanders. The example above, the rude answer is to be expected. If it happens, consider yourselves friends. So be prepared to have a very snappy comeback.

[@Ramon609]

Dutch person here.. the reason why i don't like how people in the US sugarcoat things to the point of being at risk of type 2 diabetes is because of the already mentioned disingenuous and deceitful feeling but to me it also brings annoyance because i prefer to say things how it is just don't beat around the bush but go straight through it i'll just end up sighing and tell you with an annoyed tone to just get to the point already and say what you have to say.. i also do not see this as being rude at all whether there is positive or negative feedback and/or criticism as long as you keep it respectful and you can actually do something with said feedback and/or criticism it should be fine (at least in my eyes)

[@Georgeth-kb6rg]

I remember my own Dutchness because it was pointed out to me by a non-Dutch friend, namely together we went to a reunion of an (als non-Dutch) friend after a very long time, and my first reaction was when I saw her .. 'my god you've gotten old!'.. she didn't like it that much... LOL

[@EshBBX]

Your explanation about how it allows and encourages trust, and how honesty is (perceived) far superior to beating around the bush or even (white) lying to people is music to my Dutch ears and pretty much spot on.

[@MakaniMemes]

As a Dutch person, I agree that we can be pretty direct in some cases. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have any social antennas and verbally destroy any stranger with a bad hair day. Of course, good friends (especially male) can be direct assholes to each other and see the humor of it. But in my experience, other cultures like the British do this as well.

[@comedit2]

You confuse rudeness with honesty, but happy to see that you fully understand the way it works and you appreciate it

[@Dennis0824]

I beg to differ. I have lived in the Netherlands for 7 years after having lived in the USA for 20 years. If anything, you have to be careful how you address people, especially in the work place. I tend to be very direct which is not welcomed. Some dutch people have told me that you need to handle people with "velvet gloves". I have heard this comment before that the Dutch are very direct. I have experienced that not to be the case.

[@TheTravelerK]

Derek i just wanted to say you have a very lekker accentje hoor. And also being honest is a blessing never forget that :). I honestly dont even understand people when they are indirect because 9/10 times i look at them and say: what do you mean by that? and then the ice falls, just be honest and spread love and passion

[@Peoplewatcher-NL]

I HATE it when People give compliments with critizism at the same time

[@williamhuigens3192]

Well being Dutch I can't argue with this. For me it's just being straightforward and honest.

[@ThatNiceDutchGuy]

We are not rude. We answer the question in a language that is foreign to us to the best of our knowledge without taking the piss out of anyone. We generally answer the question in a direct manner. No sugar coating, no wasting time. Our culture is primarily focused on collaboration and much less on individual competition. We also do not see a negative reaction as an attack on the person. To get an optimal team, it is vital to know everyone's strengths and weaknesses. Trust is of course also very important in a team. By being honest you can build trust. Then you can grow or survive. Beating around the bush is sometimes very dangerous and always a waste of time.

[@HellenDeutsch-hl9pi]

I still struggle sometimes with Dutch directness after 20 years living among them. However I have noticed that I am becoming more direct myself. The Dutch are influencing me even without me noticing it. It is the law of The flying Dutchman: part of the crew, part of the ship 😅

[@faisal900]

3:20 This reminds me of my exprerience coming from a country that rewards good work on assignments with a 10/10 at school, I was shocked and angry when I came to the Netherlands and started seeing that my work is being rewarded with an 8/10 max! My teacher then said, here a 10 is for God, a 9 is for the teacher and the rest is for the students 😅😅

[@niels5145]

from a dutch perspective it is not being rude but straight forward, outspoken and sincere. Because they would do the same when it is positive. It is considered a good trait and honesty is valued a lot in the netherlands.

[@nowandrew4442]

Basically our friends are people we expect to give us the truth. We value them because they are honest with us. In Holland they made it a national thing. 👍

[@BehaviorDynamics]

When your friend says your hair looks not good, you know it is a real good friend in the Netherlands 😂. I spoke to my brother about our relatives and he said "that cousin of us is the looser of our uncle's family, he does nothing and achieved nothing. I said ' agree, but I'm the looser of our family. He looked at me and said in a very serious and comforting tone " at least you tried ". We laught very hard together. Yes, we are direct, especially when we love eachother, we use a lot of humor and it comes down to no matter what, I love you anyway, with all your flaws.

[@BeesKneesBenjamin]

"directness" is also heavily dependent on the region, it's not an all over cultural thing. Expats and foreigners usually only limit themselves travelling to the Randstad. Here I do really recognize the unfiltered directness, it's a completely different culture and feels like a different country compared to the rest of the Netherlands. It's a really bad generalisation to expect the whole country to be like them, and I sometimes feel the term "directness" is just an excuse to be an asshole sometimes and outsiders eat it up like it's some cultural thing. I'm from Noord-Brabant myself, study and work in Eindhoven, almost all foreign students and colleagues I've talked with don't recognise this behaviour at all when they came here and are usually surprised by it (and in our case, we have an entirely different history, a miserable one of centuries suppression, people were very driven to be social as with individualistic behaviour, you couldn't survive under the Dutch reign). In my region we're also honest, but we treat eachother with a good level of respect as well. You'll get the same opinion but in a much more moderate and gentle way. And on a sidenote, here you can't talk back to your parents, they're not our friends on the first place, they're an authority. It's similar in Limburg like this as well. I think personally the rude directness is very nasty and uncharming behaviour. In our region it's also not tolerated. I really invite you to come visit the south, maybe include some villages, it's a fun excursion and you'll meet a different kind of people again.

[@Thalasaur]

The good things you say have no value, if you're not also willing to say the bad things. (I'm Dutch) I had a back and forth with my wife in the first couple of years. We're direct, but there's a line when it comes to dealing with significant others. Many people I know would dance around the question: "How does this make me look?" Especially if the answer is bad. I didn't do that with my wife. If it made her look fat (she's a little overweight), I told her, et cetera. At times, she'd be really offended, but she kept coming back for my feedback. I told her that she was contradicting herself in that way, and she told me: "I don't like being told something makes me look fat or bad, because I don't like that I could look fat or bad, but at least, with you, I know that it does. It helps me and that's what I keep coming back for." She doesn't get mad anymore, just shrugs it off and tries something else. She gives me the same treatment, whereas she was shy to tell me things before. Say the bad things, so you can improve them.

[@raineblackstar3522]

So that's why people call me rude all the time. It's just in my blood. 😂

[@heartfullyhonest]

They say they’re honest. It’s brutal honesty and they don’t want to admit that there’s also rules for them and rules for others. :) I live here too.

[@heartfullyhonest]

I agree with your perspective but it’s not the same with all the big cities in Netherlands.

[@kcrkarter]

Being honest and direct is something else than being rude

[@Terrorrai1]

when a dutch pperson starts to sugarcoat things, then you know you are in trouble.

[@hokuclan6677]

As someone who lives in the Netherlands and I agree. I am a dick to a lot of people in there eyes when I am telling them the truth.

[@Roronoa_-Zoro]

Saying your hair looks likbu just got out of bed is pretty sugar coated ngl.... If I asked how my hair looks to my friend, he'd be roasting how my hair looks for like the next 20 minutes ....

[@Knarfpog]

How does he only have 257

[@Jona-cn3le]

The Dutch people from the southern provinces aren't that rude.