Dwarf Fortress Review | Strike The Earth™ | Praise ᚨᚱᛗᛟᚲ

[@firockfinion3326]

"I hear the previous king was murdered... By me." "What? No way." "I have the bloody dagger to prove it." "You're full of shit, man. Get back on that throne."

[@asimplenobody7797]

I need to remember this idea forl ater

[@wroometh9208]

@@asimplenobody7797 it is currently later, is now a good time to remember this?

[@typicalrandomgod8188]

@@asimplenobody7797 so... do you still remember?

[@hen6257]

@@asimplenobody7797 did you remember yet?

[@denisaljic]

@@asimplenobody7797 She died!

[@halfmadfalcon2078]

I once had an island fortress that was located inside the top of a lonely mountain. A titan crawled out of the sea and began to climb the mountain to attack the fortress. While all of my guards ran around in panic, a single war-dog went down to face the titan. After a fierce battle, the dog ripped out the throat of the titan, killing it. The dog then returned to the fortress, disappearing amongst the other war-dogs, never to be found again. I commissioned a golden statue to be erected atop the highest peak to honor my anonymous loyal guardian.

[@kacperspisz4239]

great story what kind of titan it was?

[@halfmadfalcon2078]

kacper spisz I genuinely wish I could remember. This was something like seven or eight years ago and I only remember the general details.

[@PALACIO254]

That's one hell of a good boy

[@misanthropicservitorofmars2116]

I’ve watched every dwarf fortress video from Kruggsmash, and I feel it’s safe to say, war animals are infinitely more brave than a dwarf. A dwarf will have a psychological episode. A good boy will fight with everything it’s got.

[@0neDoomedSpaceMarine]

Man's Best Friend

[@Orkel2]

My favourite bug was "The Shaft of Enlightement". Sticking a spear into the ground, and dropping a dwarf onto it from several stories high, would make the dwarf an instant super-legendary soldier. Because the dwarf, to put it simply, parried a strike from the entire fucking planet.

[@mattblankenbaker6456]

What happened to the failures?

[@jokeyoda9960]

Matt Blankenbaker The report says “spinal replacement”

[@DGneoseeker1]

@@jokeyoda9960 Urist: "Armok damn it Urist II, take that stick out of your ass.... Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean..."

[@johnfraire6931]

*Parry this, you fucking casual* *Casual? Ha. Joke's on you, planet; this player plays without TEXTURE PAAAAAAAAAAAACKS!*

[@rustyshackle8000]

@@mattblankenbaker6456 It's natural selection. Those worthy will take the next step in dwarven evolution. The weak die. This is the way of nature.

[@Akiraspin]

First time I played this game, I played Adventure Mode, walked out of a building, spent an hour trying to figure out how to drink from the well, a weresnake came out of the desert and started attacking me, the other villagers beat him to death wearing leopard print thongs and bras, using mallets, I drank his blood because i was dehydrated, turned into a weresnake, and ripped a villagers head off and threw it at the village elder, who then revealed himself to be a vampire, and put me in a headlock before snapping my neck. 10/10

[@Moltz289]

Well of course, the elder was greatly offended and proceed to snap your neck 360º instead of sucking all your blood, magnificent.

[@wolfmirebacta8710]

Tell me. Is there a simple asset pack for people like me who wish to actually see what’s happening? I want to play this but fuck, where do I begin

[@xDMrGarrison]

lol what the fuck

[@benmayberry4033]

@@wolfmirebacta8710 theres a version coming to steam which has an updated UI I believe, so it'll be much easier to comprehend the majesty that is Dwarf Fortress

[@bumblebot2458]

@@wolfmirebacta8710 from what I gather, there's also a version called the Lazy Newb Pack, which gives you some extra stuff like different (and slightly easier to look at) texture packs.

[@kylewelch552]

My favorite dwarf fortress experience is the Recursive Coffin Warrior. You use a coffin to beat something to death, which you then put in the coffin. The coffin now weighs more, so it does more damage. Repeat until your adventurer is a physical god of strength, wielding a coffin that could shatter the planet with a single blow.

[@Cramduck]

please provide a link to this!

[@melelconquistador]

Stumpy Undertaker

[@SuperZez]

I need to know more. NOW.

[@sosomadman]

Didn't know you could use furniture as weapons

[@kylewelch552]

bbbuster you can use anything your character can hold in two hands. If you’re ok with being REALLY slow, you could swing an entire adult dragon corpse around.

[@wisnoskij]

"Vegeta indirectly kills a child by doing push ups." Classic Vegeta

[@mattgolka6266]

didnt know my favorite seasoning is a prick

[@alexrowe7063]

Look at his smug ass smile when he did it too

[@neroham93]

When it's dwarf fortress I'm not even surprised

[@TheDownrankTrain]

Honestly that entire campaign is such perfect Vegeta

[@landrylongacre6391]

@@TheDownrankTrain even the bit where he got drunk and stole peoples genitals?

[@FirstLast-cg2nk]

My favorite story was the time I decided to adventure as a human wrestler. After encountering a Sasquatch, I proceeded to wrestle it to death without much difficulty. I literally wrestled a bigfoot to death. Then, feeling confident, I decided to wrestle the next closest creature: A deer. It proceeded to kick me in the head, shattering my skull and destroying my brain, killing me in a single hit.

[@Arallos]

F

[@Y0y0Jester]

LMFAO

[@toheekang174]

Welcome to dwarf fortress, son.

[@crix_h3eadshotgg992]

Reminds me of the Deer of Adventure Time…

[@invalid_user_handle]

Well, that's what happens when a game has a realistic non-hitpoint based combat system.

[@SkyNinja759]

Fun fact: the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto, Canada has a copy of Dwarf Fortress. Multiple copies in fact, every version of the game. It's part of a digital art preservation initiative (or something similar). So yeah, the game is a literal work of art and historical piece.

[@supermaximusfagetti9836]

All craftsdwarfship is off the highest quality.

[@necktiefox2917]

It menaces with spikes of code.

[@AiluridaeAureus]

Canada's weird. Toronto's weird. Source: I live in the Greater Toronto Area.

[@SkyNinja759]

@@AiluridaeAureus can confirm.

[@Φωτό-ρ7π]

​@@AiluridaeAureus totally weird , blasteran kronii exist but in my HS days I watch SH5 gameplays first. And then ik Juno Normandie from MOH European assault iirc ops market garden

[@gold_spin1639]

The scariest thing about that engraving is he wrote the date he was going to kill him as well

[@gavindillon1486]

Art imitates life, life imitates art.

[@SusCalvin]

As far as I know, dorfs will make art of specific individuals and actions at times. Sometimes this leads to the story of a horse that died in 230 being used repeatedly until it ends up on the monarch's crown. Sometimes they place other individuals in more or less flattering situations. I can't recall anyone predicting future events though.

[@MAYOFORCE]

I'm in awe that the game made that happen through procedural generation

[@williambarnes5023]

What most likely happened was that the engraver killed the guy first, but the body wasn't found. The engraver went on to engrave some history - which in this case the most recent and notable of was him killing the dude. And then the body was found.

[@Mrjmaxted0291]

They thought they were making a dwarf fort sim, little did they know they were making a school shooter sim.

[@arglebargle42]

My favorite Dwarf Fortress moment: A craftsdwarf goes mad, kills a fellow dwarf, rips out his bones, and uses them to make an artifact throne. The artifact throne was then used for my king's main throne room. It was so beautiful that it helped get the mad craftsdwarf chosen as king. The widow of the dwarf unwillingly donating the bones goes insane and begins throwing random switches, burning and drowning half my fort. The value of the throne was so great it attracted a giant brass titan with corrosive acid blood that breathed fire. The titan smashed down my front gates and rampaged effortlessly through 20 trained soldiers, and began killing everyone in the fort. My new king then demanded we export toys made out bear fat. Bears weren't native to my biome. King orders his hammerer(think executioner but more dwarfy) to punish all the craftsdwarfs who refused to make bear fat toys. Hammerer begins randomly bashing craftsdwarfs who are desperately fighting the titan to try and keep it from killing everyone. The king forgot he too is a craftsdwarf, and the hammerer came for him and killed him in the throne room just in time for the titan to charge in and kill the hammerer (my last living dwarf) by kicking him down into a pit that was recently filled with lava from the bone donator's wife's rampage. Smells Like Dwarf Fortress.

[@DrPeculiar312]

Ayn-_Rand_Paul_-Ryan gotta give the hammerer a light wooden crossbow for a weapon so he’ll lightly tap all the naughty dwarves on the head instead of caving their skulls in

[@gavindillon1486]

Imagine wanting toys made of fucking animal fat

[@Sir_Bucket]

@@gavindillon1486 while a the steel giant is annihilating your fortress

[@ugerwashy]

King: Ahh my orders are being carried out, all is good this is fine. Hammerer: *Kicks open door* King: Oh no Titan: *Kicks open wall* King: *OH NO*

[@bilbo_gamers6417]

oh my god i can't fucking breathe

[@RobotCupcak3]

Fun fact: Shearing a sheep in an haunted biome makes the sheared wool an undead creature.

[@Zestrayswede]

Did you find that out the hard way?

[@RobotCupcak3]

@@Zestrayswede The !FUN! way!

[@Zestrayswede]

Oh, of course. How undwarven (elvish) of me. That's still a yes though.

[@reviewreaper8508]

I tried to apply dwarven !!SCIENCE!! the first time I used sheeps as farming stock. As it turns out, unlike in Minecraft dead sheep do not produce wool. But all is not lost! I can still -provoke- invite the nearby Necromancers to visit my unhaunted biome and set up a -zombie-bacon- zombie-wool industry. Regardless of it having success its ought to be a good source of FUN.

[@MikeRosadoGaming]

Amazing. ❤

[@MGMidgetGems]

Shout out to anyone watching this just before the Steam version comes out. The stories here reminds me why I am so excited for the community and the Devs to see it its "release" there.

[@Korvaxis]

Just bought it, excited af

[@andrewhoff8782]

Hell yeah brothers, just bought it myself as well.

[@owenc.q8514]

8 hours, and all My dwarfs died of fucking deshydratation fucking giant seagull killed My doctor and throw the corpse in the most tall tree in the map Update: 10/10 would do it again

[@leftTwixBar-m8g]

I just bought it

[@CrizzyEyes]

Had a fortress that was gearing up for some very efficient iron production and it was undone because some kid ran outside the fort into a weresheep which was already being killed by some human caravan guards, got hit once, went back to the hospital, turned into a weresheep and killed like 12 dwarves and started an irreversible cycle of weresheep infection. I missed this game a lot.

[@therekter7871]

Normal game: oh no, you killed a guy, you must go to jail or pay the fine Dwarf Fortress: welp, this genocide started by a guy who slipped on a banana peel finally ended, only taking the lives of 9/10 of our city. We were lucky this time guys.

[@CC-yl1fb]

Kind of reminds me of the Đorđe Martinović incident irl

[@mrpotatochu6611]

@@CC-yl1fb the dude that got raped by a bottle, causing the biggest post world war confilct in europe?

[@rusqqqq]

@@mrpotatochu6611 ???????

[@marcinkrz3140]

@@rusqqqq Guy put bottle in his ass and it got stuck so he went to doctor. When they asked him what happened he was so embarrassed that he lied and said that he was attacked and raped (using that bottle) by Albanians. Later Serbian nationalists used this to justify their attacks against Kosovians and Albanians and that was one of the reasons leading to Yugoslavian war.

[@kienphan2784]

@@marcinkrz3140 what did im just read

[@DiamondDovahkiin]

First time playing Dwarf Fortress I ordered some dwarves to chop down some trees and bushes so I could get started on base building, they all said "fuck that" and tried to fight a beetle that was on the other side of a river minding it's business All 7 of my expedition drowned in that river

[@igoshan9664]

Dwarfs hate the beetles Huh

[@666Tomato666]

Surprising that they haven't been killed by carp before that

[@Fatman221]

Here's a DF story. Started an adventure character. Standard human demigod of course. Went around killing stuff and stealing things for a long time before I stumbled on a tomb in the middle of a forest. Before this point I had never seen a tomb before so I did what any good adventurer does and dove in to steal all the stuff. During my grave robbing my masterful character found several trapped floors and avoided them expertly. After filling my bag with about 30 different kinds of coins and a bunch of weapons I left. On my way I decided, I'm gonna hit one of these traps to see what it does. Well what it did was summon about 45 skeletons and a succubus. I was wearing extremely well made heavy armor so their attacks simply glanced off. Unfortunately the fight went on so long that my character passes out from exhaustion. When he woke up he was still being pointlessly pummeled by the skeletons, but by this time my magnificent armor was slightly less magnificent and was quite damaged. He made one mighty swing, then passed out again. I was then assaulted by millions of lines of text telling me how my character was being pummeled. I sat and watched words flow across me screen for a solid 12 minutes before my armor was finally destroyed and character beaten to death by skeletons. Glorious.

[@dudestop1198]

This sounds like some fatalpulse storyline.

[@Fatman221]

@@dudestop1198 What's fatalpulse?

[@01100101011100100111]

The Ginosaji cannot be escaped.

[@dudestop1198]

@@Fatman221 Does the name Asanagi mean anything to you?

[@Fatman221]

@@dudestop1198 I looked up Fatalpulse, at first I thought you were talking about a shitty 80's movie, then I looked up Asanagi. Never heard of this guy.

[@Red0543]

My most memorable experience with Adventure Mode was when my high level adventurer got tasked with hunting down a vampire. “No problem” I thought “I have fought plenty of vampires!” Yeah well, it turned out that the vampire was the lord of a nearby castle. Not only that, he had apparently turned every single person in the castle into vampires as well. The end result was that as soon as I accused him of being a vampire *everyone* in the castle revealed themselves to be vampires and rushed me. What followed was pretty much something taken directly from “Blade” as my legendary wrestler took on the undead hordes using whatever he could get his hands on. This includes (but is not limited to) a chest, the lord’s throne, the head of one of the vampires that I managed to rip off, an actual sword (that I immediately threw at one of the vampires, I was a wrestler Armok dammit!) and whatever change I had in my pockets. That was a good fight :)

[@somethingotherthanmyrealname]

Did you win though?

[@rafaelantoniozentenoguzman3909]

Yea, did you win?

[@duncanlutz3698]

Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for the Skull throne! Praise be to Armok! Fun fact, Armok is actually from a line of code in their first game, the original Dwarf Fortress prototype that was never released. While coding the limb-based damage system, a line of code read "arm OK" for "arm in good health." They liked the sound of that and decided the creator God of the new world would be called Armok... Arm OK, the limb-ripping god of carnage and industry!

[@beancraver4048]

That sounds fucking dope and I would pay to see that animated

[@guidomista7960]

you accidentally reenacted the entirety part 1 of JoJo’s. Like, word for word lol

[@TheTrueFishbunjin]

Thanks to you, 10's of thousands more people will now download and open dwarf fortress for 7 minutes before giving up on on it. Don't worry, they are sure they will get around to learning it eventually.

[@Troglodytarum]

Litterally described my attempt at playing DF to a T

[@lelagrangeeffectphysics4120]

Just use masterwork DF

[@SaltyMaud]

First attempt: Yeah, this is not something i'm just going to casually try late at night. Second, proper attempt: I tried to get into the game again in the morning after properly waking up, now my chrome has 10 gigs worth of dwarffortresswiki tabs open, my fort has a population of 200, properly trained and scheduled military, strong metal industry, culture and riches worthy of a dwarven capital and in fact the fortress _is_ the new capital of my dwarven faction. Woke up 36 hours ago.

[@NunYurbis]

That's been me for the last couple of years. Tried it around 2013 I think, got my ass handed to me, but I still love everything about the game, and I still tell myself I'll get around to learning the basics. It's 2019 now... Dwarf Fortress's complexity is it's greatest feature, but sadly also why most will never bother learning it, it's a victim of it's own design in a way.

[@ineednochannelyoutube5384]

I have a good twenty hours in it and the furthest in I ever got eas two years. I just get overwhelmed and retire my forts for fear of sudden disaster.

[@nielsvanhemert7972]

My favorite line: "After returning from the underworld, Vegeta spent several hours vomiting on townspeople and indirectly killed a child by doing push-ups".

[@JustWanGuy]

lost it there

[@alexporter7379]

"Push-up's, sit-up's, and plenty of juice" - How Vegeta became Super Saiyan

[@Dejawolfs]

comedy gold.

[@Dr.ArielFinch]

_"I'm back, bitches!"_

[@asdasdasdasd714]

Ugh.. one of those days

[@rick149ou]

*"I am a prisoner of my life choices"* Can relate.

[@fiero42]

ı liked your profile picture. Where is it from ? Or is it some artist's illustration ?

[@rick149ou]

@@fiero42 Thank you. Unfortunately I forgot when and where I found this picture.

[@rick149ou]

@@fiero42 By accident I stumbled upon the source of my profile pic. It's from the hentai "Flera enuma elish" by the artist Yukimi

[@ClonesDream]

@@rick149ou By "accident".

[@rick149ou]

@@ClonesDream *smirk

[@SheepWaveMeByeBye]

Once my master craftsdwarf got so vain he decorated every single wall in the fortress with images of himself engraving legendary quality engravings and images of donkeys. Apparently those were the only two things he was emotionally invested in. Another craftdwarf made a masterpiece statue of the leader of the fort. Normally that would have been great, but said leader hated copper fiercely, so of course the statue was made of copper, encircled with bands of copper and decorated with copper. He really hated that statue... Or the time one of my dwarves got a episode of deranged inspiration and locked himself up in the forge for a month building the perfectpiece of armor. He came out carrying a tower shield made of lead, decorated with yak fur and dog bones. Totally useless. Another dwarf made a legendary floor grate that was immortalised in engravings on the fort walls. He later went insane with grief when the grate was destroyed somehow. It's not a game, it's a silly story generator.

[@FrederSnorlax]

that's actually how the creators describe it! interactive story generator! it's *not* a game!

[@Inoffensive_name]

THE GREATEST FLOOR GRATE EVER

[@lsswappedcessna]

bro poured his heart and soul into that floor grate and you used it for mere storm drainage.

[@phaultypmm]

I had a fort where a forgotten beast made of water came and was killing all the dwarfs but stopped and nursed a crippled dwarf using its body to give the dwarf liquid. This went on until another beast came and killed the crippled dwarf setting the water beast into a tantrum and it killed the beast and every other living thing.

[@zhikse]

I've had *multiple* forgotten beasts infiltrate elven retreats, successfully tricking people to extract information. How and why they did that, I don't really want to know, but hey at least that shows that they've got some brains

[@shedin_based]

tfw no water fb gf

[@mr.nobody896]

wait what...

[@inquisitorsteve1429]

what the fuck???

[@Thalanox]

I had no idea that could happen. I mean, I've come across situations where a demon integrated themselves into a tribe of goblins or kobolds and impersonated their gods, but nothing about forgotten beasts.

[@PeterDivine]

I'm just laughing at the picture of Gimli, dwarven axe-pope, wielding the triple-headed Deathecutioner Axe of Ultra-Murder

[@midshipman8654]

My favorite is when you trap a vampire dwarf or goblin in a doorless room full of levers that do various functions around your fortress and train the “person” to pull specific levers at specific times. You essentially get an ai, a la GLaDOS, that perpetually functions even when the rest of your fortress goes to hell in a hand basket. And like GLADOS it’s an unfeeling cold machine that is not inconvenienced by things like “morals” and “crimes against humanity” so you can make it do whatever the hell you want.

[@NoConsequenc3]

Ah, a vampire powered Chinese Room to bypass a lot of "ethics" bullshit. Clever.

[@thatdude3938]

@@NoConsequenc3 Blindsight in a nutshell

[@jackwinterheld4335]

Immortal overseer for my fortress? Why the fuck didn't I think of this?

[@HairEEck]

I'm not familiar with this game at all and what the fuck is this holy shit is this even real? Or it's just an elaborate meme?

[@jackwinterheld4335]

@@HairEEck It is very real. You'd be surprised by how twisted some mechanics in this game are.

[@waxblastt]

You have changed my Elder Scrolls head canon. Now the dwarves disappeared when they all got in a pit and shot themselves with high velocity coins thinking it would make them supersoldiers.

[@thatguy5391]

I imagine half the dwarf stories are dwarves doing stupid shit and dying in elder Scrolls. "Hey lets make one of these giants into an angel murder machine" Said giant proceeds to cave in half the civilizations skull because they didn't make soap for it.

[@Flesh_Wizard]

​@@thatguy5391those Dwarven Spheres were meant to be fired at terminal velocity, weren't they?

[@yowie7169]

Interestingly wagons are classed as creatures in this game, thus a destroyed wagon is considered a dead creature and can be memorialized 🤣

[@adeade3978]

can it come back as a zombie tho?

[@gavindillon1486]

@@adeade3978 I dont think so. But you can memorialize them.

[@God-kg1lx]

Pet rock

[@jonasfree2]

@Ade AdeI remember someone did a bunch of wagon experiments a few years ago. Were-Wagons were a thing for a brief, glorious period.

[@Noname-om3pp]

@@jonasfree2 is there a video of that?

[@KubinWielki]

One of my first adventurer mode voyages has to be the most realistic "hero" story to ever unfold in any media. I started as a human peasant in his home village he's never left before in his life. On that day, however, he decided to be an adventurer. With some rudimentary gear to (maybe) survive on the road by himself, and with the head filled with visions of fame, glory and legends of old, he set out southward, towards the glaring midday Sun. Within minutes of casual stroll from the village was his first challenge as an adventurer - a river. Not a tiny crook to dip your ankles in, but also not a grand river - just a small/medium sized river in a steep ditch, just enough to pose a challenge. Beaming up at the opportunity, the brave adventurer took a few good steps back, and ran at the river with all his might, speed and agility, leaping from its very edge... just to fail to grab the other edge, instead smacking his head into it, and tumbling down into the water, blacked out from the impact, just to drown within mere moments. Thus ends the most realistic adventure attempt ever made.

[@silverhand9965]

He did his best His best wasn't too impressive however

[@retrorenaissance9497]

I definitely read that in Seth's voice

[@IvanezRus]

@@silverhand9965 He tried so hard And got so far But in the end It doesn't even matter

[@TheAnon03]

He is with the carp now.

[@i7s3a7a3c]

@@TheAnon03 he took carp diem too literally

[@dragon-xt4vw]

People who aren't familiar with Dwarf Fortress probably think that he is just saying a lot of this as filler.

[@sequorroxx]

This is pretty tame too. Even without mods, this game can do some crazy shit.

[@spicaniya]

waitt...

[@geoffdb8118]

I'm trying to understand.. does all this crap actually happen or is this his RP which he is describing mm because if the former is true..damn

[@dragon-xt4vw]

@@geoffdb8118 He is RPing a little, but the vast majority of what he is saying are actual events with real in-game consequences.

[@IIISWILIII]

I'm a DT infidel. No clue what is going on or what actually happened vs his hilarious monologue

[@shepherdsgamingrun]

Dwarf Fortress brings out the best and the worst of humanity. There is one legendary story about the community. One time, someone discovered that merpeople bones were actually quite valuable if you can pick them up without killing them. Result: pages upon pages of design documents on how to channel water through your fort to have merpeople swim through, seal off the channel at both ends, draing the channel, watch the merpeople drown in air, let the corpses rot naturally, then harvest the bones. It also branched out into merpeople farming. The technical and ethical discussion was quite heated but also somewhat bothersome. Eventually, the next patch limited breeding to actual pets and domesticated animals, as well as devalued merpeople bones tremendously so that it was not worth it. Last I heard, someone is now doing the same thing but to sea serpents. It does have the option of weaponizing them.

[@virtualmartini]

I feel like you just read the article about that.

[@shepherdsgamingrun]

@@virtualmartini I don't exactly remember if there was an article specifically about that; that and the "kill the bronze colossus with a fluffy wambler" definitely predated me getting into the game. What more likely happened was that there were some offhand comments about it (either in an article or from forum trawling the stories section), which piqued curiosity and ate several hours in the forum section. My first-hand memories would be some of the comics, like one centered around a dwarf migrant who dreamed of being a cheesemaker and the story became half-forum driven and went really wild.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

Ever heard of Obok Meatgod?

[@lolasdm6959]

What? That's not cool I want to have merpeople farm

[@ludonymous526]

@@MinscFromBaldursGate92 Yeah. That one... the less is said of him, the better. That guy is pure, unadultered evil incarnate, having gruesomely raped an elven child to death. Sure, elves in DF are no doubt the worst of the worst, but what Obok did is simply disturbingly horrific beyond belief, even by the standards of the game's community. Seriously. That monstrous sicko makes Griffith from "Berserk" look like a saint by comparison.

[@Spootnik]

Every Dwarf Fortress game ends like a Metalocalypse episode ends. An insane domino effect of gore and death

[@reviewreaper8508]

Not quite. Many times it's just some stupid "everyone dehydrated" in the first winter, or "drowned" digging for water, flooding the fort, or a powerful wild animal killing the embark party. For long term forts, many times you quit because you get bored, or FPS reasons after expanding the fort too much / too long. Just to name a few cases.

[@user-sv3vq3iv4r]

@@reviewreaper8508 or a giant steel armadillo kills 20 military dwarfs causing a tantrum spiral while the aramadillo is still on the lose

[@Elenrai]

@@user-sv3vq3iv4r I had a weremoose attack my fort, the stumpies bravely axed it to death but with no armour many of them had been infected, the hospital turned into a horror film and from there it was game over

[@damianrodriguez7165]

Attack a child, got stabbed by a goblin, which caught the attention of a Dwarf. Swung and killed 4 people, missin the goblin.

[@poika22]

"I didn't know the controls, and didn't really care. I spent my entire time accusing children of being vampires" is still one of my favorite sseth lines

[@Aestroth]

"Indirectly killed a child by doing push-ups." Holy shit I love these videos.

[@lucasramey6427]

Can relate

[@squidyy2k]

The ironic part is that Vegeta would and probably has done something like that

[@Phelan666]

"Accidentally killed a child by doing pushups." 100% lore-friendly Vegeta activities.

[@jabberw0k812]

In my last fortress, one of my dwarves turned into a vampire and started killing off the others. When he was caught, we convicted him of murder, but didn't have any hammers to execute him with. Instead of waiting for him to kill again so we could have another trial, I sent him to train in the mines, then walled him in. He seems surprisingly okay with it. If anyone ever breaks down that wall, they're going to find an extremely buff, extremely hungry vampire.

[@YanYanicantbelievethistakenffs]

Damm 5 years and it didnt break out? Impressive.

[@cletusmandeletusman2328]

@@YanYanicantbelievethistakenffsyet.

[@rumplstiltztinkerstein]

I once spent 40 minutes starting a new game, selecting an embark location and customizing my crew. I knew what I wanted my crew to be, so 40 minutes was kind of fast. So, it was first day of spring. The river was still frozen due to temperate biome. I wanted to carve my fortress inside the mountain on the other side of the river, so I told them to cross to the other side to start digging. As soon as the first couple of dwarves step on the river, winter ends, and all of the snow vanishes from the map. They fall into the river and die immediately with my pickaxes that I use for digging. TL;Dr: Doomed my entire crew in less than 2 minutes of gameplay. 10/10. Would do that again.

[@KohuGaly]

Yeah, reminds me when I tried to pierce aquifer on a volcano embark... needless to say, entire map was in flames 2 minutes later and fully covered with magma in... well honestly never, because my fps was below floating point math resolution by that point.

[@rumplstiltztinkerstein]

@@KohuGaly this comment is so nerdy. 10/10 bro

[@bryan0x05]

@@KohuGaly i rate this comment (int)15/10

[@deadinside8891]

I feel like god just told you to “go fuck yourself” at that point.

[@GrayderFox]

Man, some of these stories make the game sound like a damn cartoon, in the best way possible.

[@EnconXV]

Once, one of my craftsdwarf went on a tantrum because he lost lots of friend in the raging wars agaisnt humans, elves and goblins, and the Fortress guard (Which were equipped with steel weapons) chopped both his arms and dragged him to the prison to be shakled on a gold chain. Thanks for reviewing one of my favorite games Sseth, you marvelous african warlord you.

[@ZenoDovahkiin]

So, did they think far enough ahead to shackle him by his feet?

[@EnconXV]

@@ZenoDovahkiin I always thought he was chained by the waist. Dorf crafts are best crafts.

[@sosomadman]

I had a child kiddnaped, he came back to seige the fort with goblins

[@kidosnook]

"I don't remember Vegeta being able to make destructo discs." He literally uses one to cut off Gohan's tail. Don't worry Sseth, the Merchants will let that slip-up slide.

[@blazeofglory4053]

To be fair, that's the ONLY time Vegeta has used that move.

[@bass-dc9175]

What Vegeta does not know is Instant Transmision.

[@xLambadix]

@@bass-dc9175 He does know it now, though :D

[@bass-dc9175]

@@xLambadix Really?

[@xLambadix]

@@bass-dc9175 DB Super Manga ;)

[@BouncyBear]

Sseth is the type of person that can review Quantum physics advanced type of games and make you interested

[@misanthropicservitorofmars2116]

BouncyBear sseth personally encourages my amphetamine addiction.

[@officialgoosestudios7151]

Before seth i thought morrowind was too complicated for my tiny oblivion brain; i now played elona and catacylsm thanks to seth and morrowind seems like a early access title in comparison of complexity

[@imjonathan6745]

if they made a calculator rpg millions of people would still play it

[@diobrando9904]

I see those InCase goblins and recognize you as a man of taste and wisdom.

[@JaakunaSetsu]

I want to know them, where do i look?

[@GamingOS]

I too know of incase and jojo fellow culture man?

[@Andytlp]

feel bad for knowing what that is... damnit

[@PeniskoboldLP]

He knows the realm of futa too well i asume?

[@lorengarms9836]

NUT

[@wagieworld627]

My favorite part is when he said he was going full time, and then didn't post in a month.

[@fettuccinealfredo4393]

Before you know it he'll be doing daily uploads once a year

[@Sigefreadthebulmunk]

I mean lets be fair. His patreon pulls like 1200 a video? Thats like a 13 an hour job more or less Which while not great is probably a bit better than a low level corperate position wherever he lives

[@The_Sock_]

if his reddit is to be believed, he got arrested for sexual assault

[@Sigefreadthebulmunk]

@@The_Sock_ o fuk

[@sethkappaccilli9509]

@@The_Sock_ source?

[@DefaultFlame]

The key to why the first fortress was at peace with the goblins was probably in the history. Most likely there was a war that ended in either conquest or marriage between unlikely factions.

[@user-td2cd8dd9y]

That's not how Dwarf Fortress world generation works. If conquest happened there would be no other civilization to war with again and there is no ability to stop a war with marriage. Beyond there being no way for marriage to influence war, there is no interspecies marriage. Furthermore there are no "factions" as Dwarf Fortress does not simulate politics during world generation. It is just more likely that the fortress was created when there was no war. Dwarf Fortress does not calculate for peace, only for periods where there is no active warfare between two civilizations or sites. Tldr; "Um, achtually..." - 🤓

[@acemcwolf5445]

@@user-td2cd8dd9y "Dwarf Fortress does not calculate for peace" is one of the most Dwarf Fortress things that can be said.

[@silverfox8615]

Honestly, without precious metals or gems, he was too poor to invade.

[@roetheboat1]

@@user-td2cd8dd9y It's possible for Goblins to move into human towns and become citizens there. If they do, then they can visit (and even request to join) your fort. They'll most likely be bards, poets, dancers, or traders since those professions travel the most. I even ended up with a Goblin as mayor once.

[@user-td2cd8dd9y]

@@roetheboat1 While it is possible for Goblins to move into your fortress, that doesn't mean that the civilization they came from is necessarily at peace with you or that they came from that civilization at all. It's possible during world generation for civilizations to conquer one another's sites (hillocks, fortresses, hamlets, towns, dark pits, etc.) and by doing so they absorb the site's population into their citizenry. Beyond that, individuals during world generation are independent actors and able to act beyond the confines of their initial civilization, moving to and fro however they please and in accordance to their own individual ethics. They can even join a traveling group of bards or mercenaries who also act independently of the whims of civilizations. Tldr; What I'm unsuccessfully trying to get at here is that Goblins are able to join your fortress even if you're at war with a Goblin civilization. Im not even sure if we're arguing. The idea that Goblins can join other civilizations doesn't even really contradict my original comment. Were you just telling me a fun fact? Sorry if you were, this post might come off mightily conformational then when that was not your intention.

[@thatcow86]

IMAGINE hugging a tree instead of feeding it to the furnaces. This post was made by dwarf gang.

[@Vegan_Kebab_In_My_Hand]

Hmm, that's something an elf would say.

[@Onio_Saiyan]

Make charcoal out of it. I think it'll burn longer. Then you could try making pig-iron.

[@sosomadman]

All Elfs must die

[@FriendlyArchpriest]

Dragonborn best race! Our women don't prefer orc cock over their own race's ones!

[@1N73RC3P7OR]

dwarf gang rise up!

[@rapier992]

I distinctly remember training my adventurer to fight by pissing off gooses and ducks. This was working suprisingly well until my adventurer fainted from exhaustion and got pinched to death. This game is great.

[@theblackpantslegion]

STRIKE THE EARTH.

[@przemysawchudzik9977]

Oh shit, hail Cargo.

[@Intestine_Ballin-ism]

*HAIL CARGO*

[@Gamefreak2998]

@@Intestine_Ballin-ism Lost my arms in the last syndicate attack but ill be damned if im not moving this freight!

[@bloodmoonangel8925]

BURN THE EARTH, FOR MINIMUM WAGE.

[@happypenguin369]

HAIL CARGONIA MY SPESS BROTHER

[@danielwesterlund1905]

What a game. I remember being active for years in a forum thread concerning the rapid training and weaponization of not adult dwarven warriors, but of children. Many attempt were made, involving angry hamsters, the coin strategy, fully automatized periodic near-drowning experiences, severed fingers resurrected as undead that would force the children to fight for their unbearded lives, and much, much, much more. After hundreds of pages, I think the only thing we really succeeded in doing was traumatizing (which was a desired result of the process), crippling (not a desirable outcome), and killing a lot of children (an acceptable result as the dead don't consume resources, unlike the cripples, unless the dead children were also accidentally raised as undead and went on to consume that most precious of resources - other dwarven children). What. A. Game.

[@duncanlutz3698]

Ah yes, the wonders of "dwarven child care." I thought the solution was to overlap the daycare with a "pen" overcrowded with dogs. The dogs would periodically attack the kids to raise their fighting skills and traumatize them into that dead-eyed stare you expect from all your best soldiers. It's no small wonder the goblins keep trying to kidnap the wee ones: it's a humanitarian mission.

[@Stingraysquad]

@@duncanlutz3698 I had to seal one of my troublemakers - a four year old dwarf girl - in my Manager's office because she kept killing adults. Had to sacrifice two others who were in there with her to do it, but finally managed to slay the beast. She was "packed with obscene amounts of muscle and lard" and was a very competent unarmed fighter by that point, and my military refused to arrest her.

[@Skibidi_spinda]

Shit straight up sounds like fallout lore with the vault experiments

[@rogercheetoofficial]

Unironic tips from somewhat of a veteran; - Settle near a river for fishing opportunity - Avoid goblins at all cost - Elves only use wood, train 5 hammerdwarves with metal equipment and you can commit elf genocide, it's fun - Bury corpses if you hate ghosts - Plump helmets are good for farming

[@X4Alpha4X]

>walk into castle >kill king >i guess im the king now >tell the guard "hey, i heard the last king was killed by me" >guard: " you're full of shit" pure gold

[@PuolenJeninPaska]

You can have goblin dancers? Well shit, this might be worth looking into.

[@alexvirgoe4482]

"After Using *appropriate* self defense to remove the victim's ability to chew food..." XD

[@Elenrai]

@@alexvirgoe4482 Dwarven self defense is mostly centered around the protection of drinks and food. If you remove the jaw, you remove the threat.

[@Sir_Bucket]

@@Elenrai you now only need to wait until the jawless person die from lack of alchool, which for a dwarf, comes 5 minutes after the jaw "surgery"

[@alcatrazthatguyontheintern1465]

*N E W F E T I SH R E A L I Z E D*

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

That's a grudgin.

[@doomyboi]

One of my favorite mods for this game was not anything like the vegeta mod, or anything really high ambition. It was just a mod that randomly generated all of the plants in the worlds you created, allowing for completely new and exciting kinds of crops and plant products to be made, chiefly - vegan cheese. I cornered the market on vegan cheese, and it was glorious.

[@antaresmaelstrom5365]

"Everyone refused to believe it and said that I, the King, was full of shit." - That caused me to have an actual 30s laughing fit for some reason.

[@maxtheawesome4255]

I remember the first time I met a were-giraffe. It was a beautiful summer day, and many of my dwarves were picking flowers and other plants. A human child appeared, clothed in rags. Curious, a pair of dwarves approached... The horror. The child twisted into a giraffe and gutted them with its stubby horns. The flowers were blanketed with blood and my dwarves were left dead, or crippled. The giraffe transformed back into a child and my dwarves proceeded to beat the child to death. The survivors were left scarred in everyway. Wounds unhealable so early in the game, and PTSD from either seeing their friends die, or from beating a child to death. That was a fun time.

[@gz7006]

ASCII player here. I don't even see the letters, numbers and symbols anymore. I see trees, axe dwarves, engravings, ... It's beautiful.

[@Zeon081]

!!science!!

__

[@Bappington]

Same here. It's really not that hard if you use a little imagination.

[@CAMSLAYER13]

ASCII just has that A S T H E T I C, also its usually pretty self explanatory

[@sitromxe9472]

You have transcended brother.

[@user-tu2dh5ro7i]

How my demigod adventurer became a statue: Wanted to play a super human, so I modded in a sub-human species that was probably invulnerable to all forms of attack. It could fly and spit fire. Spawned in a human village. Spent some time harassing the villagers, killing isolated civilians whenever they went out to the fields to harvest their crop. Couldn't figure out where they stored their food, so my first meals where their blood. As one does. Got bored of this. Set out for the Village chief. Ask for a quest. He tells me that there's a Bronze Titan that's been terrorizing the faction"s territory, last seen in some desert up north. Set out to kill it. Get lost a long the way. End up at a dwarven monastery. First dwarves I've seen in the run. Ask where the desert and titan are. They tell me, and I thank them by massacering them. Keep heading north. Run into another group of dwarf monks. Tell them of what has happened in the monastery. Slaughter them all for their food. Get lost again. Find a dwarf corpse. "That's funny. I don't remember killing this one. Or that one. Or that one... wait a minute." Stumble across the Bronze colossus while it's in the middle of attacking a dwarf fort, likely the same one where those dwarf monks came from. The fort isn't doing so well, but their soldiers have stopped the titan from at least entering their gates. Decide to help them out. Maybe they'll reward me. Engage the Titan in battle. It can breathe fire too! Breathe my own fire, which melts and kills it. As I am fire proof and basically immortal, I am unharmed. The smoke and ash clears and I try to move closer to the titan. I... can't move. Why can't I move? The fire breathes had melted my adamantine armor, fully encasing me in my trusty gear. Try to breathe fire to melt it, but I can't because the flames don't hit it. Reminded of that ATLA scene where Azula is chained and freaking out. A few hour pass and I eventually die of dehydration.

[@user-tu2dh5ro7i]

Tested it out further, and it turns out the modded fire breathe was hot enough to turn bare stone into magma. My modded subhuman species would breathe fire on a rock surface, take a step forward, and sink below into magma... where the lava cools and encases them in solid rock. They eventually die of starvation there.

[@hainamnguyen1121]

Nice

[@melelconquistador]

That's metal

[@secretname2670]

Karma is a fickle mistress as sseth once said

[@johnarcher6150]

A worthy tomb for a red hot bellend

[@windwind3170]

>Dedicated in loving memory to Billy Herrington I promised to myself that i wouldn't cry and be strong this year... but i can't! The pain is just too strong for me to handle!

[@brosephnoonan223]

_Aniki..._

[@jonnykuglmeier9625]

@@gru2 timeless words...

[@nis5e]

What a fantastic gachimuchi intro

[@othername4365]

I swear he could have added some filters, some distorted cords strikes, and some other nonsensical stuff and it would have a perfect work of absurd art. Could have used it as short trailer/teaser by its own.

[@officersack1460]

@Marximus gackibass clap ZULOL

[@p_serdiuk]

@Crimson Slavic references are in vogue now, and being fond of traps is just a fetish. Though the gachi memes are interesting.

[@chekklist6501]

swedish man memes out

[@BrobjeV]

@Crimson not so much, Richard Milos was a thing for few months while ago, but now gachitrain of joy is pretty dead.

[@T3rmin4t0rN]

"Corporate position" Flipping burgers at McDonalds like a good wagie.

[@harambe4267]

Hey now, maybe he outdid himself and managed to land a callcenter jockey position, it is far more prestigious than burger flipping.

[@doom8274]

JUST

[@MegaLietuvislt]

Wagie escaped his cagie

[@yaro7319]

Bring out the wage cage

[@yosefyonin6824]

didn't he sell his channel to T-series a while back?

[@ewanlee6337]

Dwarf fortress is now released on steam with actual graphics and a tutorial so there’s no excuse to not play it now.

[@FrederSnorlax]

a TUTORIAL??? What!!

[@raynerhutton1417]

Its fucking expensive

[@ewanlee6337]

@@raynerhutton1417 you pay it once and then you can play for hundreds or thousands of hours. I’ve already got 50 hours on it and still learning some of the basics. There’s the free version with free texture packs too if you want to test it first or have no access to money.

[@fosterbennington6405]

@@raynerhutton1417 It’s surprisingly cheap considering what’s in it, it even costs less than Rimworld

[@raynerhutton1417]

@@fosterbennington6405 yeah but uhh, I live in turkey, guys not everything is so efficient buy

[@jesselindsey9760]

3:30 "We had no metal, and so instead we fought with sticks and traded pottery for any possible scrap of metal. We also lived in constant fear: There was a were-zebra. He kept eating my chickens and trampling my dwarves." Good times. The memories are all flowing back to me now.

[@treekid7455]

2010 can it run crisis? 2019 can it run dwarf fortress?

[@FuriousGorge]

2077: Can it run Dwarf Fortress *now* ?

[@thepixelpr3dator207]

wake up samurai, we have a game to run finally

[@Randomness65535]

The problem with dorf fort's performance is that it only uses a single core for everything, and the contemporary trend is to increase cores/threads, power efficiency, etc. but not the frequency. So the ideal PC for DF would only need a CPU with exceptionally powerful high-frequency cores and I don't know if that exists.

[@NFDave1992]

@@FuriousGorge Barely

[@TheoEvian]

@@Randomness65535 Truth to be told that is the case with crisis too. During the development it seemed like the future is in increasing the frequency (because thats how it worked in the past) while the trends in hardware shifted and crisis was not optimised for that. This is case for some other games from that era too like Starcraft 2 running like shit because it can use only two cores.

[@Hellsing1138]

One of my greatest campaings in Dwarf Fortress was with a clan named The Intense Rocks in a Fortress names The Shafts of Muscle. I helped my fortress grow for several years, until our noble king died in our mountains of birth, having one of the Urists in my fortress to inherit the title. Upon these fantastic news, I began expanding the empire further by creating armies and securing our borders, which involved clearing the surface level of unnecessary clutter, such as trees. This perfectly reasonable action was responded with a declaration of war by the elves of Screamingbark. Our empire was prepared for war, but I decided that we won't be the ones on the defense, nor are the elves worthy of facing my legions of dwarves. Instead, I temporarily retired my fortress to let it run on its own, as I sent small groups of sappers near the elven borders. I made a total of five different fortresses as close to Screamingbark as possible and immediately started digging deep, until I finally reached the forbidden caverns and heard the clowns of old rousing from their slumber. I had my surviving sappers quickly retreating all five fortresses upon finishing their task and returned to The Shafts of Muscle. Just as I had planned, the demon armies had been awakened and the elves were driven to chaos. No elven armies set foot into our borders and our kingdom continued to thrive. However, my plans were far from over, so I proceeded to prepare for the final steps of my plan. I had my miners dig deep to find the rarest materials they could find, ordered my blacksmiths to use them and jewelers to enrust them. This took a total of five years, as I carefully created the finest set or armor and two different weapons of choise, an adamantine axe and a silver hammer encrusted with cinnabar spikes. I retired my fortress once more and instead created an adventurer in said fortress. I had my hero to begin his intense training, which took several weeks. First I improved our hero's endurance by picking up and carrying several tons of small rocks in his chest pocket, his hand-eye coordination for mastering the art of knapping after repeating the process for a million times until he could do the task with the flick of a finger. And finally hist strength was brought to its peak, as he proceeded to throw all of the rocks at the base speed of mach 5 at the fortress walls, one by one. At last I had my hero don the armor and weapons designed exclusively for him and went to finish my master plan. Our adventurer travelled to the elven town of Screamingbark, to see the fruits of our labour. The demons had done their job, effectively crippling the town for good and enslaving its inferior people through fear and torture. I proceeded to hunt down each and every single demon in the region and killing them all one by one. It was a challenging task despite all the careful preparation, causing our adventurer to pay for his success with his left toe. The surviving elves of Screamingbark praised the warrior of of The Intense Rocks as their hero, singing tales of him for years to come. Our hero returned to The Shafts of Muscle and retired there and I took control of the fortress once more. I assigned him as the military captain and waited for a response. Sure enough, the elven ambassador came to announce peace between us once more. However, our king was still not satisfied. Each year, I waited for an elven caravan to arrive, lead them to the deepest parts of our caverns and walled them in, never letting them out, slowly starving and killing them. Because I wasn't directly causing harm to them, more caravans kept coming and I repeated the process, until finally the town of Screamingbark was abandoned. The final caravan consisted of two people.

[@Teadon86]

i.imgflip.com/zf6g3.jpg

[@sequorroxx]

Unless a DF story includes cats, it doesn't count.

[@volvo245]

*Backs out of internet slowly*

[@nickname8619]

that was a satisfying end. to be honest, i think you should've just enslaved the elves

[@jhonnoilcringeincarnato8593]

This is surely the closest thing to an happy ending in dwarf fortress

[@inkmime]

Your comment on prescription medication actually reminded me of my own need to take my own meds today so thank you Ssseth for reminding me of the strange reality that is living with comorbid autism and ADHD. It truly is a pleasure to see the world cater to the tastes of people like me, however esoteric.

[@davysmith1934]

(ahshdkabsbakshs[concern and empathy] ajshdkabdkab)

[@0xbaadf00d]

I have a story of my fortress to share. I started with a few dogs, in a region with magma pipe. My grand plan was to kill the fire imps with trained dogs, keeping my dwarwes safe. It took quite a while, but eventually my massive army of attack dogs was bred and trained, I sent them in. This caused much learning, fire imps indeed do breathe fire. Fire causes dog fur to burn. Burning causes dogs panic and run amok. Burning dogs can make other dogs burn. Extreme temperatures caused by burning dog fur causes dog fat to liquefy and shoot out from the burning dog. In the end, my poor fortress was filled with boiling and burning dog fat. Nodoby made it out alive.

[@torgeirhansen1434]

>Nodoby made it out alive. This is usually how it goes

[@MasterFancyPants]

Success!

[@oz_jones]

This pleases Armok

[@hamzasaid3368]

Sounds like A victory

[@sequorroxx]

!!SCIENCE!! is the best science.

[@Hyraethian]

years ago I heard so many amazing stories so eventually downloaded it. After less than five minutes I had deleted the overwhelming program. A year later I came back and absolutely fell in love with it. I'm so glad its finally big enough to hit steam.

[@Maxi25554]

Well it took 3 years but it finally released :D

[@GadzWolf11]

I once managed to get a location that had a mountain on the edge of a lake, so there was plenty of fish, fresh water, stone, and metals for my dwarves. I wanted to do some sort of, like, balcony/walkways along the cliff face into rooms for the dwarves. After a few years, a goblin raiding party arrived, their leader riding upon a giant toad. They wiped out my small militia, so I did the only reasonable thing. I brought all of my animals inside and walled off my tunnels before continuing on for a little while as mole people. Only lasted a couple more years before the goblins managed to locate the back way into the tunnels, which I had been using to gather wood.

[@kabob0077]

The Darkness dwells in Moria...

[@GadzWolf11]

@@kabob0077 It's almost like Moria is elvish for "dark pit" or something, huh?

[@kabob0077]

@@GadzWolf11 On the bright side, at least they didn't have a Balrog right?

[@GadzWolf11]

@@kabob0077 True, they didn't get a chance to dig /that/ deep.

[@michaellebert8907]

my colony died to a roaming pack of agitated yaks, leaving a 1 year old to fend for himself. Soon baby was kept company by risen ghosts of the colonists. All the ghosts kept the kid happy. Then a ghost of a lovebird chased the baby around the haunted keep until he ended up outside. Murdered by the yaks. RIP

[@CommisarHood]

7:19 Dwarf carves a sculpture of himself committing murder. 7:22 Dwarf then proceeds to commit murder... Well that escalated quickly.

[@LecherousLizard]

Finally someone who doesn't go back on their word.

[@lechking941]

i call that a mad lad dwarf move

[@THEMATTHIAS225]

Imagine being the guy that got attacked. Everyone in the fortress is in awe of it and probably tries to convince you not to worry as the guy who made it gets all of these accolades and recognition. Than he actually attacks you and no one stops it.

[@ulfricstormcloak3657]

The strange mood experience

[@blueorb7030]

"youd have a better time playing microsoft excel" and "i spread rumors that i killed the king and noone believed me" were my 2 favorite moments in this one. awesome.

[@Loki-dq5gf]

This is a video. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality. In the thumbnail is engraved a picture of an ancient hero SsethTzeentach in his dwarven attire.

[@Soridan]

But it's not menacing with spikes so it's actually shit.

[@Andrew.A.]

The artwork relates to the plagiarizing of other videos.

[@Riccardo-mj9kj]

@Robzah I'm not Andrew, but i'd really appreacciate an explanation

[@Riccardo-mj9kj]

@Robzah I thought of that too, but he fucked up badly this time. I don't think he should have rushed a review on a game like dwarf fortress, he should have spent more time on it, record more footage and, in the meanwhile, doing a easier video maybe. I don't care if he used clips from other channels, honestly, i've been watching Sseth for years now, he always used non-original staff, but it was always transformative. But, if what people have been saying in the comments is true, and he outright stole other people stories (and clips related to those same stories) and tried to pass them as his own, then that's incredibly cheap and unprofessional. He should have expected that someone would have found out. I really hope he'll be more careful next time and he doesn't panic. I love his style of writing and editing, he has done some fantastic videos in the past, but this was really bad. I hope it doesn't ruin his reputation.

[@brambl3014]

@Robzah now im waiting for the apology video

[@DerUberStern]

Aight grabbed the steam edition last night so here's the story of my first fortress Forgot to pause and it went on for five hours in the background while I ran a d&d sesh, came back and everything was fine "Huh, I thought this was a chaotic game" Just then my legendary miner goes mad Turns out several years of no alcohol broke him He breaks into an underground river Floods my complex Kills everyone and himself in the lowest level Neat game!

[@BlitzWhat]

The bitcoin miners dug too greedily and too deep. You know what they awoke in the darkness of Bogdangrad... shadow and flame

[@Ezio999Auditore]

*domp it again*

[@TheSilvernuke]

@@Ezio999Auditore ah, Mr. Bogdanoff, a pleasure as always.

[@scouttrooperhh-1487]

Bit-mithril is too precious and tempting

[@exoltik3199]

It is terrifying.

[@agihammerthief8953]

And as the dwarves took the last layer of bitamantime, gigantic creatures beneath the earth let out a sudden scream... *BIIIITCOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT*

[@herbert-kenumera960]

>>Full time Sseth. I know EXACTLY from whence this Erection doth cometh.

[@jeremydiaz9642]

Dwarf Fortress, *_The only simulator where leaving your hentai collection will cause an entire social collapse._*

[@KageMinowara]

I don't remember there being hentai in DF. Is that mod or something added to the game more recently or were you joking?

[@smallcatgirl]

@@KageMinowara if there's a mod like that, dat would be hilarious

[@FriendlyArchpriest]

@@KageMinowara I think he's talking about the books of necromancy.

[@DragonFireStrike]

I come back this video a lot just to listen to the story at 4:05. Something about the delivery of it just makes me cry with laughter.

[@raymondchen6025]

Dwarf Fortress is coming to steam to finance Tarn Adam's synthetic body and healthcare

[@inigo137]

And also his brother's medical bills

[@KageMinowara]

When?

[@aboutblank4356]

@@KageMinowara the Steam page literally says "time is subjective" lol

[@AstBun1]

Villains update is up already, and they said that steam version was the next in the list after this update

[@Doctor_Nu]

I played a bunch of Rimworld because it seemed like a good alternative where I could actually tell what was happening. These tile sets are tempting me to give this a good go now, thanks for the info. I’m glad you’re going full time as I thoroughly enjoy your unique brand of humour, keep up the great work!

[@thebeyblademaniac]

Rimworld is good but isn't nearly as indepth as DF, especially since fluids and z-levels don't exist in rimworld

[@Vegan_Kebab_In_My_Hand]

+Noah V I played Rimworld because it was more accessible, but then I actually got into vanilla DF again (I did before too but I stopped playing and forgot everything) and the thing is... as fun as Rimworld is, DF has no competition in terms of sheer spectrum of things that can happen and be told in the game.

[@Slomowo]

Try using the vanilla 800x600 tileset. If you never played games like Rogue, it might take a while for you to get used to it, but trust me, with time it feels like a new sense. And if you play enough, the key bindings get in your head too. I know most Adventurer Mode bindings out of instinct.

[@LordLicoriceDerp]

@@Vegan_Kebab_In_My_Hand Seconded. Nothing wrong at all with Rimworld, but DF is literally peerless. It's hard to compete with a mad mathematician's lifelong passion project to build a fantasy world simulator.

[@insertnamehere4932]

@@-Ano-Ano- What is with the hatred for tilesets?

[@StrikeWarlock]

First Stronghold, now Dwarf Fortress How wonderful of you to release videos 2 days in a row.

[@slenderpaul]

What? A Stronghold Video? I don't see one anywhere. Is it Patreon only or some shit like that?

[@slenderpaul]

@ Ah thx. I didn't know about that. Something for me to check out.

[@Kelnef]

Whatever graphic pack sseth is using at 4:30 has outright ripped the minecraft sapling texture and I love it

[@uraniumbolt7594]

"successfully stealth castrated my first enemy" alright that's enough of this new and confusing game for me.

[@Blowtorch87]

There is a story of stealth dentist ripping out teeth from behind.

[@eduardvainraukh5642]

Looks like my human sacrifices worked and Sseth finaly uploaded a new vid

[@aeternamlumos]

Not just that, you also managed to convince him to go full time making videos. Let us celebrate by accusing random children as vampire and then make them eat silver.

[@kawaiikantai3909]

Its impossible to watch his vids while having an anal taco terror

[@WittowBudduh]

I have to say, one of the things I absolutely love about your videos are the hidden gems you only flash for 1 frame in the background

[@DefaultFlame]

The difference between a good Dwarf Fortress player and a great one is the following: A good player looks at what happened with the coins and goes, "Ah, I fucked up. Let's not do that," while a great player goes, "This is a coin machine gun."

[@phoenixmarktwo]

Good player: "Oh shit, it killed my dwarves... have to rework this." Great player: "Oh, it killed my dwarves... *I can use this."*

[@BubblewrapHighway]

Tarn Adams and his brother are heroes of the indie game world. The stories are the best part of this game. A weretortoise once defeated my colony. Another time, I tried to put together a hunting squad but I wasn't too familiar with the military screen. I assigned my 3 dwarfs to a standard armor uniform and set out to find the beefy yak I'd seen earlier. When they finally engaged, I was confused that my dwarves hadn't used the crossbows and bolts they had equipped. Instead, all 3 charged the yak and a titanic struggle of dwarf muscle and auroch might ensued. I was shocked but thrilled. I had no idea how to fix the problem so I just watched the event unfold. After several exhausting minutes of a thousand weeping wounds on all combatants, one of my dwarves fell. It was now 2v1 but I know that progress demands sacrifice. So, I continued to watch. Another dwarf fell. I thought to fall back and do more research on military squads but decided this was a lost fortress, anyway. Best to see it through to the end. My lone badass wrestling dwarf managed on his own for another several grueling minutes, pinning the gigantic bull to the ground and systematically breaking its limbs with arm bars and joint locks. He finished the fight by tearing off a horn as a trophy, but collapsed soon after. A team of rescue dwarves rushed out to carry him back to a hospital bed, where he would spend the next 8 months in intensive recovery. But my colony survived, as did my resident wrestler/yak killer, and we went on to host several trade caravans. My colony swelled to almost 100 dwarves before I lost interest and started playing other games again. Turns out you have to assign weapons in the military screen, too.

[@PeachDragon_]

I can't stop laughing at the image in my head of a goblin dancer without her lower jaw fighting against a human wrestler who is beating her with her own jaw.

[@kylebolstad4921]

Drinking game: drink whenever Sseth zooms in on an image. Good luck

[@lordfriedrick7911]

Let's get alchool poisoning!

[@blackmonish]

ALCOHOL POISONING: The Game!

[@loosenoose7513]

Yeah U would black out

[@jojocunt9127]

Thanks asshole, I'm dead now

[@brekezek]

I did with water, I am starting to feel a bit nauseous

[@andrewhoff8782]

Just bought Dwarf Fortress on steam, cheers Sseth for inspiring me to play it back when this review first came out and now several years later with it's recent 2022 steam release.

[@Jigsawn2]

I love hearing dwarf fortress stories. My fortresses usually die when I dig too deep and demons come up to say hello. One time though I was doing pretty well and was setting up a complicated water system to power my machines. Unfortunately during this process I was expanding the lower levels of my fortress, and accidentally dug a hole upwards into my main water reservoir. The resulting massive flood filled the entire fortress and came spewing out the entrances, drowning nearly all of my dwarves. Another time my greatest warrior got depressed and eventually went into a rage after I locked him up. He broke down the door and proceeded to slaughter the rest of my population. Ah, good times indeed!

[@sequorroxx]

A lot of people think training their soldiers is all about danger rooms. Not so. The most important training is mental conditioning. Until your dwarf doesn't really care about anything anymore, he is dangerous as an axelord. So I always forbid a few corpses that I dump in the barracks just to keep my dwarves in a constant state of despair. The ones that survive the torture go onto become legendary warriors. The rest go crazy and are put down before getting too strong.

[@stan5794]

sequorroxx nice

[@punic4045]

@@sequorroxx brutal, but brilliant

[@Pr0manStream]

Ah yes, DF, a game in where 3 subsequent forts you played had a vampire in them because he came along with a migrant wave, only to suck my other dorfs dry like fun-sized cherry Capri Suns every other month. The game, in which it's entirely reasonable to accidentally kill someone who was found guilty of murder due to the fact that the Hammerer (aka the sheriff) was a legendary Hammerdwarf and decided to explode the head into gore with the first smack, resulting in a tantrum spiral of other residents as this counted as unjustified murder. The game, in which bridges are the most powerful weapons of mass destruction and your last line of defence in a siege, only rivaled by magma-filled carts that rapidly accelerate, only to hit a track stop, spill magma onto the attackers and subsequently leave nothing but the magma-safe metals for you to collect. (All of that happened in v.0.32 - back in 2011) Good game.

[@IdiotWithNoSoul]

This is the funniest DF review I've seen, and I've seen them all. You sir are pure awesome.

[@samiamrg7]

Dwarf Fortress is the kind of game where a “peasant railgun” is actually feasible.

[@dawnbr8k]

Another Sseth video. Time to wait until next year now

[@admiraltonydawning3847]

It's not like it's Sha... Joseph Anderson.

[@--___--d]

See you in 2020!

[@HvalatiKnitika]

it is every month now.

[@Pankratus]

Thank You Sseth Very cool!

[@samhain183]

Gas Pankratus Very based and Dwarfpilled.

[@dylanmonstrum1538]

Cool picture my dude

[@Pankratus]

Dylan Monstrum likewise.

[@bobsnob3073]

What a wholesome comment thread

[@DarkOmegaMK2]

"Truth be told, i took a corporate position since December." Seth, we all know you got assimilated by T Series, we watched the video, you don't need to re-explain it.

[@dorukayhanwastaken]

0:23 Fun facts: - There's a competitive programming tournament called Financial Modeling World Cup in which a bunch of people who are incredibly confident in their Excel skills race against time to complete as much of a given task as possible in a very short timeframe, meaning Excel is in fact a playable game. - EVE Online recently introduced an API with which one can import game data to Excel (and hopefully to other spreadsheet software too), taking the "competitive Excel" aspect of the game to a ridiculous length.

[@BigJubble]

So you know a video is good when you have to stop watching, not because its bad but because I'm laughing so hard I forgot to breath and my vision is beginning to dim.

[@doorstopper674]

Thats why you replace your lungs with metal

[@reviewreaper8508]

@@doorstopper674 *adamantine threads

[@doorstopper674]

@@reviewreaper8508 i see, i do not understand how the cogitators in my brain could make such a mistake

[@butelthomas2503]

the title "praise ᚨᚱᛗᛟᚲ"means praise armok,but its written in old futhark

[@TheAnalatheist]

butel thomas ᛇᛟᚢᚱ ᛗᛟᛗ ᚷᚨᛇ

[@AVerySexuallyDeviantOrange]

The Anal Atheist no u

[@drewbakka5265]

Is allah a banned word meme

[@razorbliz]

Those are Runes bitchboy

[@livedandletdie]

Guys can you please stop it with the Saxon Futhark. It's the wrong Futhark. One should only use the Old Futhark.

[@fritzorino]

Damn you had to use those goblin pictures again didnt you.

[@Zeon081]

I'd like to "slay" some goblins

[@massivedamagegaming9004]

I uh... Need a source for those goblins.

[@reasonablysatanic4027]

@@massivedamagegaming9004 Artist called 'Incase.' Hope you like lady-dongs if you plan to go browsing through their stuff

[@assaultspoon4925]

@@reasonablysatanic4027 Male dongs are gay

[@SigWahrheit]

@@reasonablysatanic4027 Kreygasm

[@alexvlash9717]

Jesus man i've never played some of these games, such as this one, but your videos give me the time of my life! I sometimes find myself chocking on laughter, please continue doing as many videos as you can

[@wilfridmasgnaux1078]

"Mao Zedong - Playing don't starve together." Is he playing with Stalin?

[@luxsings6871]

"You'd have an easier time playing Microsft Excel" I got water all over my laptop now

[@anthonysmall8438]

what kind of water

[@luxsings6871]

@@anthonysmall8438 powdered, so we're still good

[@jffry890]

I don't get the joke.

[@luxsings6871]

@@jffry890 Try playing Dwarf Fortress then taking an advanced excel course, see which is harder

[@bruhman1177]

"Tyrinds are things out of our nightmares, but you must remember, they can bleed and they can die" - Warhammer 40k Inquisitor That also applies to furries

[@bubbawatson4089]

For the Emperor!

[@Mcboi-sm7ru]

“I became an ape, got drunk and stole peoples genitals.” Absolutely amazing.