Dysphoria (2020 Remaster) - angelbrained ft. GUMI

just refer to the streaming release, titled "dysphoriia" on the "dysphoria complete collection" EP. i won't be remaking this video because an all-new version of dysphoria is being made instead.
VSQX: cdn.discordapp...
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my patreon: / angelbrained
my website: angelbrained.u...
my discord: / discord
my tumblr: / angelbrained
my soundcloud: / angelbrained
my twitter: / angelbrained
--
LYRICS:
once again, with a sorrowful gaze
eyes look back, peering deep into a broken heart
watching as i tear away
the things that seem to, every day,
just leave me up in pieces being torn apart
looking down i see
every part of me
feels like breaking after every single day
most importantly
something inside me
keeps on aching knowing that i'll never be the same as them
i'll
make a wish
try to change what makes me who i am and
give up on what bothers me i might as well not even try
keep on hoping, so you'll see
there's nothing here but misery
you'll find that this is what i've come to be
face the facts
i can't change them even if i try
not meant to live life as a boy
so why must i be born this way?
try again, day after day
to fix what causes my dismay
but give up knowing that i really might as well just die
once again, with every passing day
things get worse, like my body's being torn apart
cry some more and waste away
it's not like i care anyway
what use is there in trying when it's plain as day
looking down i see
every part of me
feels like breaking into tiny little shards
most importantly
something inside me
knows it's pointless living if i'll never be like them
so
one more time
try to change what makes me who i am and
give up on what bothers me i might as well not even try
keep on hoping, so you'll see
there's nothing here but misery
you'll find that this is what i've come to be
face the facts
i can't change them even if i try
i can't live my life as a boy
so what if i was born this way?
try again, day after day
to fix what causes my dismay
but give up knowing that i really might as well just
try again
deep inside i know just who i am
it doesn't matter what they say
so what if i was born this way?
keep on hoping, so you'll see
i might just change who i can be
and live my life as the girl that i know i am and
though you see,
every part of me
feels like breaking after every single day
most importantly
my heart keeps beating
i'll do anything it takes if i can be like all the rest
Kaleidoscope footage: • Kaleidoscope: Blue and...

[@AntediluvianGirl]

The emo trans girl vocaloid song, it calls me forth to my kin, our churning home as boats tied together with three ply rope, unsinkable despite shattered forms we may be in our own self loathing on this search to attain beauty.

[@Sipsipsippinonlambtears]

Isn't this a trans boy vocaloid song? Sorry if I'm wrong Also, I know your comment is a year old lol

[@AntediluvianGirl]

@@Sipsipsippinonlambtears I actually thought it was transmasc at first but have since learned/at least become like 80% sure that madotspooki themself is transfem (obviously I'm not 100% I'm not like a personal friend of theirs) so I assume transfems was the original intended audience, but seeing as both you AND myself and assumedly a couple others have thought it was transmasc intended I'd argue it's for all of us 💛

[@Sipsipsippinonlambtears]

@@AntediluvianGirl True. Also, dang you're fast.

[@AntediluvianGirl]

@@Sipsipsippinonlambtears how am I fast? I just responded when I saw the notification, but yeah to tldr both comments I feel it was initially made with mtf in mind but made so considerately that it works for everyone, just as we should all be united

[@Sipsipsippinonlambtears]

@@AntediluvianGirl I just realized this, but it's maybe the struggles that the creator faces of being transfem. I mean obviously, but maybe they're doubting that they're trans even though they already transitioned or that they wish they were "normal" (cisgender) and not trans? Edit: I looked at the description of the video of the original version of the song and it says it's about doubting your dysphoria.

[@chewy1921]

This hits harder than last time since I can actually relate to it now I really did say “I’m not trans but-” on the last version huh

[@sleepy_sleeby]

may or may not have looped the original when I found out I was trans and in denial-

[@hdhdhdhd1883]

the original was my emotional support song when i was feeling dysphoric at 3 am lmao

[@thesilentmarauder3758]

Haha get noobed fellow trans fella

[@NeverMind-zi2rv]

same through middle school i was like i'm not trans but- i wish i was a boy DUMBASS THAT'S OBVIOUS YOU ARE

[@shempai1166]

Denial is always the first symptom my friend

[@diab0licalfunnies]

me, listening to the original back then: this hits so fucking hard to me. im gonna cry. im never gonna beat dysphoria. im gonna die like this. me, now having transitioned, listening to this: haha funny lyrics but the song's a bop tho

[@kyanqschgashraparak]

Im so happy for you ^ ^

[@Amelia-zl6zg]

Aww I can't transition yet but I'm so happy for you^^💜

[@Princess_Penni]

I hope you all are ok.

[@thedumskater_1016]

I'm 12 yrs old goin through severe dysphoria I can't even talk to my parents bc they are kinda homophobic idk how they will react

[@Kuritas]

Wow awesome profile

[@lemonweirdo]

i love how the character's clothes and hair and stuff have the colours of the trans flag

[@Rivwe]

this song: me, a trans guy living with my transphobic mom: 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

Same

[@abbieslashwidward]

10/10 best music to listen to while stealing from applebee’s

[@skullotonin]

UNDERRATED COMMENT

[@swueakers2025]

@ً no no it's applebee's yk the red bee's they really like apples for some reason also

[@thesilentmarauder3758]

Agreed

[@Tomase_]

xd photo

[@RosencrantzDead]

yo this remaster slaps. still a very good song but now even better. solidarity from this trans (man) vocaloid producer. 💕

[@mosscreacher7860]

would it be concerning if i said big mood

[@sleepy_sleeby]

a little bit

[@AntediluvianGirl]

Kinda yeah kinda no I'm sorta in the same boat

[@kedamono8479]

Probably

[@SpikeyBagel]

probably? i think so, but idk

[@melodywhispersong9541]

I just now listened to this song after looking for LGBT vocaloid songs that aren't depressing or creepy. It hits hard and even post op from GRS I still feel dysphoria but it's not to the magnitude that it was before I got surgery. To those who are still pre transition and questioning. Your feelings are valid. Only you can know who you are. People will push against you and try to take you down, but you are real. You are valid, no matter how you want to transition. If you're ever feeling dysphoric remember how far you have come. Even after surgery my transition isn't over. My road hasn't ended. I've lost a lot of friends and even some family members after coming out. I knew I would and I wouldn't be able to hide it any longer as my transition went on. I'm sorry for the wall of text but damn do I love the vocaloid community sometimes!

[@TheSupeyDupeyRose]

As a Trans girl i relate to this aloooot, so thank you for the remaster, this is amazing

[@kiandoesnt]

hi yes i'm loving this pv

[@kiandoesnt]

and the improvement from the old version is just *mmmmmm* 🙏

[@kyanqschgashraparak]

I love the song and the illustrations I had a gut feeling Gumi represented LGBTQ+ all along

[@HiBuddyyyyyy]

I think all Vocaloids do. You can make them do whatever, so you can make them LGBTQ+ representation. :)

[@IgirlbossedTooCloseToTheSun]

This is the best representation of how dysphoria feels that I've like,,, ever seen. Most dysphoria songs go for a depression based sad approach but this song full on dives into the way it almost eats away at your sanity and feels like pure suffering and it demonstrates the severe pain and denial spiral that can happen when dealing with bucketloads of hate and discrimination all at once. 10/10

[@nnneko2245]

Sorry, I just realized that I commented in Spanish. finally something good in 2020. And just today I'm sad, at least it will cheer me up a little.

[@alwaysloveyoubananaslammam2450]

THANKS YOU MOMMY I ALWAYS LOVE YOU💞💞 ALSO，THIS IS MY NEW CHANNEL~

[@midnightstella7]

I dont think you understand how hard i tried to change who i am physically i literally dabbled into magick and the occult and improbably physics and theoretical science and i still havent given up it is the only reason i havent given up on life mostly

[@xevilgothgirlx]

are you okay?

[@midnightstella7]

@@xevilgothgirlx after I started HRT almost 7 months ago im a little better

[@xevilgothgirlx]

@@midnightstella7 i’m so glad! as a cis girl i support you on your journey and can’t imagine what you’ve gone through!!

[@midnightstella7]

@@xevilgothgirlx thank you its always nice to have someone who doesnt want me dead especially with that sentiment rising in certain areas

[@xevilgothgirlx]

@@midnightstella7 if you ever need someone to talk to, i’m here!

[@moonyasnow36]

Not transfem like the singer (I'm agender) but damn those lyrics hit really hard I keep imagining myself with a completely flat chest, and when I do, I feel so happy that I want to cry, and so envious of the imagined version of myself who can take of their shirt whenever they want, who can run without being physically disgusted every time I feel the lumps of dead weight on my chest move I'll get there one day. I'll be able to wear seethrough shirts and no binder one day. I'll be able to look myself in the mirror without seeing something that shouldn't be there one day.

[@iamthejellyfish2889]

man i cant wait to listen to this song on loop at 3 a.m bawling about how much i hate my body

[@possumoutdoors3063]

I admit. I am ashamed to be a man, I hate my voice and my looks, this doesn't feel right. I have not told anyone. And over time my guilt for being a mans image and everything about being this way does not feel right. Makes me feel horrible I dont know how to even tell people. I'm afraid I'll lose family and good friends. I'm gonna go to bed. Yall be safe please

[@huell8014]

Same situation here. Been closeted for 5 years.

[@thesilentmarauder3758]

So I’m like the reverse of you, but yea This is sort of a mood And what’s funny is I’m really feminine but I am NOT a girl

[@plague9774]

@@thesilentmarauder3758 same

[@melodywhispersong9541]

Transitioning and coming out is a difficult but rewarding path in life. I believe in you!

[@ReinaHW]

Well only you know you, it's not easy understanding who you are, especially if you've been repressed for so long that you've just tried to be what everyone else insists on. Self discovery is a rocky path but a path worth taking in finding yourself and being yourself.

[@shempai1166]

She's kinda transition goals tho 😳😳😳

[@glasswing3054]

the improvement is very epique the art, the instrumental,,,it's so good

[@mailychan7107]

The lyrics may be edgy, but I vibe with them. Its great, don't worry.

[@melodywhispersong9541]

May come off as edgy but dysphoria is a powerful thing. We are our own worst critics as we sometimes feel we will never be perceived as the gender we identify as.

[@skywardstargaze1768]

holy shit im so happy you remade this jdfhbfgshf the improvement is unreal im- 🥺 🥺 🥺

[@tsumugilovemail3596]

* breaks fingers * time to listen to this at 3am in the morning again

yo why you gotta get my feels going this early

[@kyanqschgashraparak]

This is so underrated

[@sussysunday_1687]

YESSS AS A TRANS WOMAN HAVING A SONG I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE TO HAS MADE MY DAY :) also this is a bop

[@Mqstodon]

"These lyrics are so fucking edgy' honestly i disagree, this rapresents perfectly dysphoria honestly

[@melvinlovesyou_]

as a trans boy, this song CALLS ME OUT- ITS SUCH A BOP

[@starfelled]

I really liked the original so this remaster just!! Makes me go wow!!! The art is so pretty too ^^

[@kedamono8479]

The art was made by a person who bullies 13-14 year olds and calls them ableists with no proof.

[@starfelled]

@@kedamono8479 A h. If you don't mind, could you share some context and/or examples? I'd just like to know more about the situation ^^;

[@kedamono8479]

@@starfelled of course dear! So before i tell you about the situation, i might as well tell you what she draws. She has drawn Arc 2014 (a character GHOST, a vocaloid producer made). Mind you, hes agender, and is underage. She has drawn him in very questionable AUs, even once drawing him as a magical girl and HOLDING.HIS.SIBLINGS.DECAPITATED.HEAD. yeah. It was disgusting. _he also draws him very sexually in my opinion. His thighs are bigger than his entire body but ok._ So now that you know that, time for what you asked. This starts with a single youtube comment. Made by Junkie (He now goes by Chandler so we'll refer to him as that. Also at the time, he went by Miles or Junkie) So chandler comments on this, pretty much saying "hey whats going on with his anatomy?" And she responded bitterly. She made two whole videos on him, making fun of him. So he retaliated and made more yt comments. She took none of this seriously, saying things like "necro my phat tits" and "do you fart?". So yeah. So Chandler decided to go on disc and talk to mellow and try to level. She was salty as fuck. Pretty much, nothing was resolved. So yeah. Pretty much she made him feel terrible. And to this day, shes still drawing arc like an ant. Im sorry if theres a lot of holes and missed points, im not good with words.

[@starfelled]

@@kedamono8479 Ah, thank you, and don't worry, you did just fine explaining the situation ^^ Yeah, improper response to criticism is a big yikes :') And the way she'd draw Arc sounds especially bad if they were the only one being drawn like that, rather than it being an art style thing. Again, thank you for the reply :D

[@kedamono8479]

@@starfelled no problem! Let me know if you need more info

[@upsidedown-pug1974]

*me listening to this while making a highly complex and in-depth story/escape room for my friends to play that actually represents being trans and is my way of coming out instead of just telling them like a normal person

[@mako3503]

finally, a trans song that's my type of music. i love this--lyrics, instrumentals, visuals, everything

[@HiBuddyyyyyy]

I’m not trans but from the other comments this seems to have helped a lot of people who are trans, and songs that help people like that are just very special. Also, it really is a bop. And I like that Gumi’s voice sometimes sounds like Yuzuki Yukari’s. It’s a very nice way to tune her voice.

[@upsidedown-pug1974]

current dysphoria state: replaying the video before the "happier" part because I can't relate *_i'm not doing so good right now yall_*

[@usernamesomething5]

relatable and

[@ladyofthesith1943]

Ah, dysphoria the musical. We meet again. But jokes aside, I love this song, and the remaster is even better.

[@angelbrained]

the video en-quieter strikes again i cant fucking take this shit bro

[@zachabel805]

the lyrics are fine darling, atleast for one who can relate alot ;-;

[@jul1us.01]

My dysphoric ass: *WoW, that is relatable!.jpg*

[@kyanqschgashraparak]

I can't stop relistening

[@Koko-zq2ly]

This song still bops. Thank you so much for this. As an trans woman it really means a lot to me!!

[@wenofu477]

nah this isnt edgy in a bad way ngl this is just edgy vocaloid (which can be really good like this one is) about gender dysphoria which is something that causes tons of suicides and is just depressing, also this song is really relatable and a bop so no matter how edgy it is its fucking great also the character is so cute

[@twinkiesmaster69]

Ahh yes What's better than Corrosion and 5am into one song

[@vlbonnie]

holy shit dysphoria remake in 2020?????? god is real

[@oviumn]

YUH GET INTO IT

[@psychecoll]

I remember listening to this a lot, mostly when I felt like shit with myself but that part, "try again deep inside i know just who i am, it doesn't matter what they say, so what if i was born this way? keep on hoping so you'll see i might just change who i can be and live life as the girl that i know i am" really made me feel better all those times (tho I'm a transmasc, i uses to change the lyrics in my head for it x) and now that I'm better, i started T, and everything seems going better, i still look back to this song and how it cheer me up a lot actually i have the lyrics of this song written a lot on my diary, hah.

[@epic_minecrafter6744]

Ahh i love ittt!! I love the song in the first place so seeing a new version is so cool!

[@Phospoppylickalick]

THIS ONES GOT A BIT OF A KICK 🔥🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔛🔝

[@darksorceress5827]

Thank you for making this. I’m glad I’m a trans woman 🏳️‍⚧️⚧️

[@DysfunctionalFerret]

Oof. Hope you are doing alright, written long ago or not. ^^;

[@angelbrained]

im having a 10 am identity crisis so that should tell you something

[@thesilentmarauder3758]

@@angelbrained oh shit

[@stk7prod]

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD

[@carlzthegreat2168]

I really like this song! Good job on making a remake of this song! =)

[@pixwool]

I wanna wear dresses and skirts, and be called cute and a girl all the time, have long hair and act really femme. Still cis though-

[@axolotlinabucket1287]

yeah, verry cis even i (the cis-ist man alive) feel that

[@keratopsian]

still cis tho (coming definitely the most cis person)

[@childhoodfriend6969]

yeah, the lyrics are excessively edgy, but honestly that’s what makes them so good. they perfectly represent how painful dysphoria and transphobia can fcking be (as someone who’s experienced it myself) by making the listener uncomfortable (unlike many other media which often sugarcoats dysphoria and transphobia to make cis people comfortable)

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

Holy shit this song slaps so hard and I haven even heard the vocals yet oh my god Edit: it got so much better

[@autumnpoche93]

I'm non binary and this still helps in all honesty. So thank you for making this in general

[@theoneamongthehidden4387]

Really hope each time it plays on loop counts as a view because I've probably added close to 100 views today alone if not more

[@ash_luciel]

When you’re here from searching “trans vocaloid” because you’ve been questioning your identity and use music to cope ahjghjk

[@paraneil]

I searched trans miku lol (sadly the second result was lgbtq+ "cringe")

[@xyncyan]

This so fucking relatable i cant stop listening to it

[@nnneko2245]

Algo bueno del 2020, y justo ando triste, al menos me animará un poco

[@DeluxieArt]

POG

[@leahsloan7802]

Pooooooooggggggggeeerrrssss

[@Sailor-Sappho]

This is amazing

[@Sailor-Sappho]

Also, you don't really need to apologize for a vocaloid song being angsty. One of the most popular ones is My R

[@consumetm]

Just thought of a really cool idea, what about a duet with the old one and the new one, I think they'd sound different enough to sound cool?

[@xyncyan]

this was my trans awakening. now i have my name legally changed and im on my way to beg my psychiatrist for testosterone rn wish me luck

[@xyncyan]

update she told me I'm not mature enough because i never had a part-time job ☺️

[@Phospoppylickalick]

​@@xyncyanwhat is your psychiatrist on bro 😭

[@xyncyan]

@@Phospoppylickalick id like to know

[@Phospoppylickalick]

@@xyncyan wish ya the best of luck though. Hopefully someday I can start T but both times I told my mom I was trans she basically said "Nuh uh" 💀 Good luck!

[@aminishnamedvaati]

i didnt think you can make a great song better, but you did

[@ddbullshat]

whoa it got better (and so did the art, that’s so cool)

[@axolotlinabucket1287]

Ey! did my first dose of E!!!

[@axolotlinabucket1287]

i was trying to find my old babytrans comments but no luck

[@purplelord8531]

gumi's english voicebank is incredible, and the tuning does a great job making use of it

[@beyblade_yt_free_]

Is there a chance for a ftm version of this?

[@GRENNZ-DA-GAY]

HITS SOOOOOO FUCKING CLOSE TO HOME!!!!!

[@FairyEvergardens]

Catchy song! ✨ Thank you for sharing this! ⭐️

[@bananu2641]

Ok this actually slaps

[@chimine11]

This is so good I especially love the lyrics, the art and the tuning!!

[@Knocker2397]

Beautiful music

[@danibanani15]

the relating with this song hit me with a rock

[@Knocker2397]

So cute💜💙

[@tami7992]

From this day on my new headcanon about GUMI is that she's a transgirl.

[@claudine404]

this song hits hard for me :(

[@abysmDelirium]

oh my god YES

[@roguesriot147]

If you or anyone else needs to talk lmk :) stay safe and I hope you all have a good day/night

[@libraryofruina]

LYETS FUCJIGN GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[@awittybritty6853]

HELLL YEAH

[@theomnipotentcreator1109]

Beautiful song ;(

[@Kuritas]

una vez más, con una mirada doliente los ojos miran hacia atrás, mirando profundamente en un corazón roto viendo como me desgarro las cosas que parecen, todos los días, solo déjame en pedazos siendo destrozado mirando hacia abajo veo cada parte de mí se siente como romperse después de cada día Más importante algo dentro de mi sigue doliendo sabiendo que nunca seré el mismo que ellos voy a pide un deseo tratar de cambiar lo que me hace ser quien soy y Renunciar a lo que me molesta, es mejor que ni siquiera lo intente. sigue esperando, así verás aquí no hay nada más que miseria Encontrarás que esto es lo que he llegado a ser enfrenta los hechos no puedo cambiarlos aunque lo intente no destinado a vivir la vida como un niño Entonces, ¿por qué debo nacer de esta manera? inténtalo de nuevo, día tras día para arreglar lo que causa mi consternación pero deja de saber que realmente podría morir una vez más, con cada día que pasa las cosas empeoran, como si mi cuerpo estuviera siendo destrozado llora un poco más y consúmete no es como si me importara de todos modos ¿De qué sirve intentarlo cuando es tan claro como el agua? mirando hacia abajo veo cada parte de mí se siente como romperse en pequeños fragmentos pequeños Más importante algo dentro de mi sabe que no tiene sentido vivir si nunca seré como ellos asi que Una vez más tratar de cambiar lo que me hace ser quien soy y Renunciar a lo que me molesta, es mejor que ni siquiera lo intente. sigue esperando, así verás aquí no hay nada más que miseria Encontrarás que esto es lo que he llegado a ser enfrenta los hechos no puedo cambiarlos aunque lo intente no puedo vivir mi vida como un niño ¿Y qué si nací así? inténtalo de nuevo, día tras día para arreglar lo que causa mi consternación pero deja de saber que realmente podría ser mejor intentar otra vez en el fondo sé quién soy no importa lo que digan ¿Y qué si nací así? sigue esperando, así verás Podría cambiar quién puedo ser y vivir mi vida como la chica que sé que soy y aunque ves, cada parte de mí se siente como romperse después de cada día Más importante mi corazón sigue latiendo Haré lo que sea necesario si puedo ser como todos los demás.

[@thesilentmarauder3758]

HOW DID I MISS THIS WAIT

[@down.2_klown]

the pain i felt when i looked this up on apple music and it wasnt there

[@angelbrained]

for some reason, on apple music, my name didn't update. if you look up "dysphoria madotspooki" you should find it

[@down.2_klown]

@@angelbrained TJANK YOU

[@kailashbtw9103]

so relatable :'D

[@MarioPagni-fz2sb]

Mado did you get the among us happy meal at 3am istg

[@angelbrained]

yeah i did

[@MarioPagni-fz2sb]

y tho?????????????????

[@malorika]

loev this

[@vocasyl-p7720]

OH WAIT THERE IS AN UPDATE *AAAAA*

[@somebodylikesbacon1960]

What genre is this?

[@ladyviolu3924]

!!!!!

[@riddle3527]

oh yeah I kin this

[@timmy18135]

Those keys are strange

[@sevengnomesinatrenchcoat]

THIS S L A P S

[@wolfslacher5731]

Really good

[@seijyul]

this song is rlly cool man

[@Poulutumurnu]

What can dysphoria apply to exactly? I know about gender dysphoria, but what other types of dysphoria is there?

[@aucuneimagination1676]

En gros c'est quand tu sens un décalage avec ce qui tu voudrais et ce que tu as mais genre en giga véner et donc dépression et tt et tt bref donc du coup c'est ça la dysphorie. Il y a pas vraiment d'autre types de dysphorie mis appart ça et la dysphorie de genre

[@Poulutumurnu]

Merci à toi, mon cher collègue francais !

[@aucuneimagination1676]

@@Poulutumurnu c'est pas parce que je parlais français que je je suis française ehdjvzjdvzkfjksbdd

[@Poulutumurnu]

Moi non plus d’ailleurs

[@kedamono8479]

Social disphoria, mental disphoria, and physical disphoria. To answer your question. Social disphoria: includes not being referred to the correct pronouns, name, etc Physical disphoria: not happy with your appearance, as it does not match your gender identity. Mental disphoria: the hardest to break. Mental disphoria is basically a little bug hovering over you, saying you dont pass, you dont look good etc etc. Hope this helps!

[@upsidedown-pug1974]

*accurate*

[@aubrey580]

hell yeah got meself some supreme copium

[@hydeme]

Yeah